March 2024 – Life Off Headset

Weekly recap + what we ate: A week of theatre

I’ve been knee deep the previous few weeks in getting ready for our Sprig Break trip, but here are some random going’s on in this neck of the woods….

Through some coincidence, a few weeks ago was quite a theatre filled week.

Saturday, I went to the opening night of the show the Opera was putting on. I had seen the dress rehearsal, but then I got an invite to the opening night party and thought it might be fun to see the show again and then go to the party. However, I didn’t have anything to wear to a semi-fancy shindig. The past couple of opening night parties that I’ve been invited to, I’ve always been working, so I’ve gone to the parties in the black clothes that I wore to run the show. Nothing fancy, but I think people understand that I was coming straight from working the show, so it was okay. But this was different because I got to go to the show and then was coming to the party, so I felt like I did have to get somewhat dressed up and it had been aaaaages since I had done that. I think last time I had to get dressed up, I had a Rent the Runway subscription and found something that way. Also last time I was six months pregnant and hadn’t told anyone at work, so there was that added layer of finding the right dress And I feel like my body is very different from back then, even when I was six months pregnant.

I ordered a bunch of dresses off Amazon – did you know that Amazon has a partnership with Rent the Runway and sell their dresses? So I ordered some. But they hadn’t arrived by Saturday morning, and I was starting to get a little nervous. Then I realized the 4 year old had been invited to a birthday party at a play space in the mall. I emailed the host, “So…. is this a drop off party?”

Side note – I think this might be a statement of the evolution of my (lack of) parenting concern. There was no way eight years ago when my oldest was 4 that I would have left her at a drop off party at a hugely public place like the mall. I think even at someone’s house, I still would have thought twice unless I knew the parents really well. But with my current third child 4 year old… drop off parties are golden to me. You want to take my child for two hours? Please and thank you!

So I dropped of the 4 year old at the party and then took myself to Macy’s where I tried on a couple of things, got discouraged and sad and then I found something that wasn’t terrible – it was flowy and light, but even though it was a fun print, it was black and grey, colours I usually avoid. I wear so much black for work, I try not to wear it in life. So I was about to get the just okay dress, when I walked by a rack and my eye was caught by a bright red dress. I love red. It’s my favorite colour to wear, so I was immediately smitten. Only when I looked more closely, the dress turned out to be a jumpsuit. And I’ve always said that I’m not a jumpsuit person. How do I even pee in it?!? And I put the jumpsuit back. Then took another lap and came back to the jumpsuit and thought, “Okay, I’ll just try it on to see.” And it turned out to look kind of cute and I loved the colour, so I put aside my fears of not being able to pee quickly when I need to and bought the jumpsuit dress and hoped that I had an appropriate bra to wear with it.

Well, when I got home, I found that all the dresses I had bought from Amazon had arrived after all, so I tried them on, and I realize that my middle region is not longer ideal for comfortably wearing cocktail attire – or maybe it still is, only I would have to redefine my idea of “comfortable” to include sucking in my stomach constantly. But I go to opening night parties in large part for the free fancy food, so sucking in my gut was not going to solve anything. So even though I thought some of the dresses stunning, I decided to send them all back and wear the red jumpsuit. I paired it with my blazer, a purple scarf around the waist to give some shape, and the one pair of heels I own, which are super comfy until you take them off and then you realize that, no, actually, they weren’t that comfortable to begin with.

Anyhow, the show was delightful, the party afterwards was lovely and I got to ride hime with my work BFF, which is always nice because when we are in production, I sometimes don’t get to see her much since we work in different (though adjacent) departments.

The next day, was a) daylights savings, b) a family trip to see the high school production of Beauty and the Beast, and c) the Oscars. Daylight saving certainly crept up on me- I got hime after midnight from the opening night party and as I was puttering around pre-bed, it hit me- “Oh nuts! I have to set the clocks forward!” Then forgot and the next morning realized at 7:45 that it was actually 8:45 and we were going to be late for agility class (me and the 4 year old) and church (the Husband and the other two kids.).

Beauty and the Beast at the local high school was the second theatre excursion for me that week. This time, the whole family went, even the little kids. When I was growing up, our high school did not do musicals, so I’m kind of new to the whole “high school musical” thing. I didn’t know what to expect, and tried to go in with no expectations. It ended up being a really great time. There was low level theatre magic, a cast of many many many enthusiastic teenagers, and some very talented ones. There were body mics and follow spots and a full orchestra in the pit. What a huge undertaking! I’ll definitely be going to more in the future. I sometimes feel that I’ve spoiled my kids by taking them to a fair bit of professional theatre and opera, and lately I’ve been thinking that we should go to different levels of theatre so that they get a sense of the full breadth of theatre and know that it doesn’t have to be Broadway to be worth seeing. Sure a high school production is not going to be as flashy or polished as a professional show, but there is, I think, just as much value in theatre as a community activity. There is something really special about how theatre can build a community of makers and and those who participate and support them as the audience.

The third show I saw in the week was the touring production of Sondheim’s Company – his musical about a perpetually s8ngle New Yorker and his married friends. I had gotten tickets a few weeks before and lined up a sitter so that the Hsuband and I could go. I had been on the fence about going but then a friend of mine texted and said, “If you have a chance to go, the sets and scene shifts are worth it.” So I got tickets.

Only the day of the show, our sitter never showed up. She was supposed to come at 6:30pm, and we waited until 7pm. (In retrospect, I hope she is okay… I should check in with her. We’ve used her several times before, and she isn’t always prompt, but 30 minutes late is kind of a lot. The whole things is kind of discouraging; we have had terrible luck with sitters, and as much as I would love to have a date night once in a while, it has proven very difficult to find a reliable sitter. Well, next year the oldest child can legally babysit so maybe that will help solve things a little.)

Anyhow, at 7pm, it was decided that I should take the 12 year old and the Husband would stay home with the other kids. Not the evening of theatre that I had planned, but it would have to do. I had qualms about whether or not the show was appropriate for a 12 year old, but I figured she would understand it or not and we could talk about it. Or not. So we jumped in the car and raced down to the theatre, only missing the first five minutes of the show.

The show was quite well done, and my friend was right, it was technically very fluid. This production of Company does some gender switching so that the lead is now female instead of male – Bobbie instead of Bobby. Some of the gender switching worked for me and some of it didn’t quite. “Getting Married Today” was brilliantly funny. “Another Hundred People” had so much energy and momentum. “You Could Drive Personal Crazy”, in the other hand, didn’t quite work for me- it just felt like a campy musical number and none of these men seemed like they would really date Bobbie.

I think my biggest issue with this production, and maybe actually with Company in general, is that Bobbie/Bobbie is not a very interesting character. I know the show is a series of vignettes about single life, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care whether or not Bobbie found her way. And maybe this is also where I am in life right now- I remember seeing Company when I was in my 20s and the story spoke to me a lot more. But watching the perpetually and willfully single now is just not as appealing. I feel like I’ve lived through that, and it’s just a hair stressful to watch it onstage. So upshot for me: entertaining, love the music, but dramatically a little “meh”.

When I asked the 12 year old what she thought of the show, she said, “I like opera more. At least with opera there is a dramatic story.” I thought that was a hilarious observation.

Drawing class– colored pencils, (Also side note – when I was growing up in Canada, we called these pencil crayons, but in Marica they are called colored pencils and no one knows what I’m talking about when I say pencil crayons).

This flower painting is the first homework assignment and it featuresa variety of colored pencil techniques. One of my favorite techniques, which proves quite tricky is shaving pencil lead onto wet paper to create the “sparkle” at the top of the flowers, I think it would be cooler if I could distribute the shavings better rather than it clumping like it did in the picture.

The second homework assignment was apples on a branch:. I’m actually really pleased with how the leaves turned out. I think the more I do this, the better I get at drawing what things look like rather than what I think it should be, breaking visual elements down into lines and spaces rather than just drawing a “leaf”. The details of the apple could be better- the one on the right is a little too round. Still, I do love how colored pencils make it easy to blend all the different apple colors.

And then- here is the in class assignment. I didn’t finish it in class, but I thought it is fun to see the difference between the apples that are painted watercolor pencil (the apples in front) and those that are just watercolor pencil that I didn’t have a chance to paint yet (those in back). I still have to add in the background and finish the detail on the table too.

Other lovely things:

Board game night with the family. We played Ticket to Ride and for the first time, no one knocked the trains askew or stole trains to play with. it was a really lovely night. I did win, but it was pretty nerve wracking for a minute – I had to build Seattle to New York, and wasn’t sure if I was going to make it…

-We have traded our Saturday mornings on the basketball court for Saturday mornings one the soccer field as one kids’ season ends and another kid’s season begins. During the first soccer game, I challenged my 12 year old to go running with me while the 7 year old had practice. To my surprise, she said yes. Two bribes, though – a) I had to let her listen to something or her own choosing, each of us taking one AirPod, and b) a special treat, so we stopped at a coffee shop on our run. We managed about 1.5 miles together, most of it not at all fast, but hey, I got my tween to come running with me, so that’s a win either way.

– I parallel parked my car on the first try! That made me ridiculously happy. It usually takes me an embarrassingly long time wiggling back and forth to make it. okay, the space was a good size, but still!

– The 12 year old was the Mystery Reader at the 4 year old’s classroom. She did an amazing job- engaged with the kids, and told them to sit down when they got too close. The four year old’s teacher asked if the school could hire the 12 year old because she was so good with kids.

– A satisfying purchase– this three month calendar.

We have a calendar in our dining room already, but I wanted something with a more long term view. Most of the three month calendars I found on Amazon only came in quarter years and I couldn’t tell if you had to re-write each month as you move it up the chain. I finally found this one and the brilliant thing about it is that each month is movable, so at the end of the month, you just pull it from it’s current coil and put it on the coil one slot up. Plus it has lines for writing, definitely pricier than the other options, but so much more functional.

But also- much as I love the new calendar, it makes me panic a little because when I can see the year three months at a time, it reminds me that May/summer is pretty close.

–PEAK BLOOM!!!!!! Okay, this is actually a few days before peak bloom, but I had to be downtown for a meeting so I decided to go in early and go for a run by the Tidal Basin. I really wanted to make a trip to the cherry blossoms happen this year because 150 or so of the trees will be chopped down this coming year so they can repair the retaining wall for the Tidal Basin. Makes me sad, but it seems a necessary safety issue. Anyhow, it was a short visit, but still stunning:

Grateful for:

-Evening light. The mornings have been a little rough, but how I love that the sun sets later. There is natural light in our dining room for dinner, there is light for walks after dinner, there is light to go to the park after the school bus gets in.

– Along those lines, I’m grateful that the 12 year old’s basketball workout is walking distance from home. It makes it an easy excuse for an evening walks.

– also along those lines, I’m grateful yfor neighborhood parks. We live within a 15 minute walk of three parks and now that there is more daylight, they have become an impromptu gathering spot. We will often run into families we know there and it just feels like one of the first signs of spring, all these people emerging from hibernation to gather at playgrounds again,

– and one more thing (I guess all my gratitudes this week are centered around the weather/time change) I’m grateful for the back patio and being able to eat outside. We have a couple month’s window when we can eat outside before the mosquitoes get fierce, and right now is the time. I love eating outside – it just makes a meal seem more like an intentional event.

– vegetables from our neighbor. our next door neighbor works at a Farmer’s market and periodically he will just drop off a bunch of vegetables for us. Thanks to him we were able to have some pretty vegetable heavy meals.

Looking forward to:

– new suitcases. My old suitcase was probably twenty yesrs old and the wheels had fallen apart, so I ordered two new suitcases to try out. I’m still on the fence as to carry on backpack vs. rolling suitcase, but I think this next trip is a rolling suitcase trip, so we’ll go with that. The little ones wear super excited by the box that the suitcases arrived in

-Spring break trip to see my brother. (We might already be there, actually… details to come,)

– going back to work on a show. I miss being in rehearsal and having structure to my days…

What we ate:

Sunday: snacks and leftovers. The 12 year old had swimming and it was Oscar night, so we kind of all just fended for ourselves. Some kids might have had popcorn for dinner,

Monday: tofu broccoli stir fry

Tuesday: my notes on this day are hazy. It says leftovers.

Wednesday: Kale paneer, from Meers Sodha’s East. With homemade paneer. I always thing it is too much work to make my own paneer than when is done it, I realize it is really simple and much easier than finding it in the store.

Thursday: sheet pan chicken and potatoes. I don’t cook meat as often as the kids would like, so I decided that since I was going to leave them with a sitter this evening, I would make them a chicken dinner. Well, this was the night the sitter didn’t show up…

Friday: pizza (take out) and the first Avengers movie.

Saturday: pan fried fish and green beans – the husband cooked.

Sunday: pasta salad with marinated beans. Jenny Rosenstrach’s marinated beans are amazing, it’s a quick and flavorful protein that can be eaten alone or added to salads or grains. I used them this night as the base for a pasta salad. Quick vegan pantry meal.

Monday: Eggplsnt stir fry- the Husband cooked. It had a tasty spicy gochujang sauce.

Tuesday: chicken curry in the Instant Pot, cucumber raita on the sideWe had a friend over for dinner and this was an easy, homey make-ahead meal.

Wednesday: Chicken curry leftovers, with eggs added. Egg curry was one of our favorite new meals last year and it worked really well to add boiled eggs to Tuesday’s chicken curry.

Thursday: Leftovers since we are trying to eat down the fridge.

Friday: tacos at my brother’s house in Berkeley!

Books Read February 2024

I finished a lot more books in February than I usually do, but some of them were pretty slight, in size, not necessarily in subject.

Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know by Samira Ahmed – Mother Daughter book club read. I feel like this book was the YA version of Byatt’s Possession- a literary mystery with a twist of romance. I thought there was a lot about this book I wanted to like – the protagonist is an American/French/Indian/Muslim teenager and I love reading that kind of diversity in books, reading about her spending a summer in Paris was pure wish fulfillment for me. But ultimately, I didn’t love the angsty teenage bits. I mean the ex-boyfriend is clearly an asshole, and I got really frustrated that the main character pined for him so much.

The End We Start From by Megan Hunter– short, quick read. This book was recently made into a movie, and I read a movie review, which made the book sound interesting. The book is about a great flood that destroys the world – or maybe just London – and the main character is trying to get to safety with her infant son. The writing is very sparse and poetic, and also rather vague in details, so I kind of always felt like I didn’t quite know what was going on. Even still, a lot of what the main character thinks and feels as she watches her son grow really resonated with me. This passage:
“One day Z finally does it. I have placed him on the bed for three minutes while I put our thing away… He chooses these three minutes, from all the minutes of our life, to master his latest milestone. He flips off the bed and onto the floor, rushing his triumph under a wall of crying, a never-ending hurling of his disappointment at the universe. I am a terrible mother, I thin, nestling his unbroken body into my own. P comes, and O and they tell me no. It happens to everyone.” As someone who has had all three children fall off a bed while an infant, I totally felt this.

and this:
“Then we say the secret: there is no skill. There is only another person, smaller than you.” Oh the beautiful precious burden of caring for another being!

What You are Looking For is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama – A slight yet charming book about various people looking for direction in life. The title pretty much sums it up. The book takes place in Japan, and each chapter focusses on one person who wanders into a library. The enigmatic librarian manages to help them pick the perfect book, the book that they needed in that moment in their life. This was a quick and easy read, almost like a fable. As a library lover, I very much enjoyed this book.

Untangled by Lisa Damour – This book has the unfortunate subtitle: “Guiding Teenage Girls through the Seven transitions into Adulthood.” I found this book really useful for framing what it is like to be a teenager and also the parent of a teenager. Damour has a wonderful metaphor about how we are the side of a swimming pool and sometimes our daughters need to cling to us to keep afloat, but they will eventually let go and go back to swimming in the water. Our job is to be here when she gets tired of swimming and needs something to hold on to. I stuck so many sticky notes in this book – things to think about and things to say. I love when parenting books give me specific scripts to use. I thought this book fantastic and has a good blend of science and compassionate steps. It has helped me feel less anxious about bad behavior and actually weigh the bad behavior before I react, and really let it go sometimes. These are my takeaways: be non-judgemental – all kids do stupid stuff; they’re just trying to figure it out. Be available. Believe in your kid.

One quote: “Our daughters have a good reason to point out our limitations: they want us to be better. They will only ever have one set of parents and they are newly aware that we are far from perfect. Ever hopeful, our daughters think we’ll improve if they point out our flaws.” Wow, such an interesting framing – my kid just wants me to be a better parent. I mean we might have different ideas of what a “good” parent, is, but this is such an interesting way to think about the dynamic, especially when it is hard.

Shakespeare was a Woman and Other Heresies by Elizabeth Winkler, read by Eunice Wong– This book was an Audie Award finalist for non-fiction and available from the library right away, so I checked it out. The book grew out of an Atlantic article that the author wrote, of the same name. I think I was expecting something a little more academic than this book turned out to be. Or maybe the scholarship aspects didn’t really come out on the audio version. As it was, the book was more of the author’s personal account of her journey exploring the question of the authorship of Shakespeare’s plays than a scholarly exploration of the topic. I felt myself wanting to know more about how we know what we know and the historical day to days. I didn’t come out feeling like I knew more about Shakespeare than before. Or maybe that is partly the point – how Shakespeare is kind of a great unknown. One thing that did stick with me was the irony that despite writing such well educated and eloquent women, Shakespeare’s daughters were, surprisingly, never educated. This is one of the things that makes people question whether or not Shakespeare wrote the plays.

Funerals are Fatal by Agatha Christie– cozy and convoluted. It had the kind of resolution that was very specific to the situation set up. I guessed before the end whom the murderer was, but not the motive. The motive bit I actually found very satisfying. Not necessarily top shelf classic Christie, but still very entertaining.

Black Ghosts: A Journey Into the Lives of Africans in China by Noo Saro-Wiwa, read by the author – Africans in China was not something I had ever thought about, but I found really fascinating once I started listening to this audiobook. Maybe it’s because I’m the child of immigrants, but I’ve always been interested by stories of migration and what leads a person to take the difficult step of leaving a life behind and moving to another country. Like Shakespeare Is a Woman, Black Ghosts was more memoir than a historical non-fiction book, and I did find myself sometimes wishing for more of the latter. This book follows Saro-Wiwa as she explores the various pockets of African populations in China and contemplates how they came to be, asking people why they came to China and how they have developed the relationships and ties that keep them there. Some of the book feels like it encourages negative stereotypes of both Chinese and African people, and that made me a little uncomfortable, but then I do wonder if that just speaks to a bigger issue of how the African people in China will never be able to integrate fully? Anyhow, I thought this book had some very interesting observations of both Chinese and African culture and how they intersect, or don’t. One thing that stuck with me was the observation she makes, when she talks about why someone would want to live in such a restrictive country as China, about how Chinese people have very little freedom, but the government provides them with a lot of services, whereas in Nigeria the people have a democracy, but no government services.

On my Proverbial Bedside Table:

Daring and the Duke by Sarah MacLean – I’ve been on a bit of a romance novel kick lately and Sarah MacLean writes very good ones.

Wild Genius on the Moors: Still. But ooooh… someone likes Charlotte. There might a wedding in the future.

My Brilliant Friend – I am still reading this. I know Engie’s book club has wrapped up, but I just couldn’t keep up.

Coleman Hill – on audio. A fictional recounting of the author’s family. It centers around two Black families in New Jersey who came from the south in search of better opportunities. Some of it is really sad.

Weekly recap + what we ate: Jane Eyre, Into the Fire and mild obsessions

So I spent the better part of the previous weekend before in bed. I had something, not sure what. A chest rattling cough, aches, general tiredness. At first I chalked it up to a lack of sleep, but I think I was more than that and I ended up taking to bed for most of Saturday.

The Husband will tell anyone that I am a terrible patient, I get restless and bored and can’t stay in bed. I try to get up and do things when I should be resting. I can’t just veg on the couch and binge watch something because I need to rest without my glasses on.

So in an attempt to make lying in bed less tedious, I decided to listen to cast albums of musicals which were new to me. I figured there would be music and a narrative that I could somewhat follow if I wanted and that could be a good combination of engaging /not engaging to keep me from bed tedium. I started by listened to How To Dance in Ohio – there was a recent New York Times article of recent musical cast albums of note and this was on the list. How to Dance in Ohio is a musical based on a documentary about a group of autistic young adults getting ready for a spring formal. The musical got a lot of attention for, in addition to other things, casting autistic individuals in the lead roles. It’s a poppy, heart felt musical.

Next, I put on Ride the Cyclone, a musical about a high school choir that dies in a roller coaster accident and they are given the opportunity to audition for a chance to come back to life. This one was dark, man. Very very dark.

For something completely different, I turned to the musical version of Jane Eyre, which debuted on Broadway in 2000. Jane Eyre is one of my favorite books and I’m always interested in versions of it. This is a musical in the vein of the musical of the 1990s – romantic, dark, emotional period pieces. Things that are unfashionable in a musical these days. Jane Eyre I found not as tuneful as some musicals and some dreadful liberties were taken with the story. Also – and perhaps this is just the nature of the source material – but it seems like all the good music goes to Mr. Rochester, all the tortured, soul bearing solos. And once in a while, I found myself thinking, “Well, yes, but what about Jane???”

Anyhow – slight tangent – that sent me down a rabbit hole with all the various film adaptations of Jane Eyre and watching clips of them on YouTube. I’ve seen most of the recent ones. Here’s my take:

Jane Eyre on screen: Clockwise from top: 1983, 1997, 1996, 2011, National Theatre Adaptation and 2006

– 1983 BBC miniseries with Timothy Dalton and Zelah Clarke. I think this adaptation included everything. Maybe? I saw this in high school so my memory is fuzzy. It was quite long and looked like it had all been shot on a soundstage. Timothy Dalton did ALOT of scenery chewing, I do remember that.

– 1997 TV movie with Samantha Morton and Ciaran Hinds. This version took many liberties with the book, which I guess you have to when condensing the book into a two hour movie, but still… why add needless action and out of character scenes? Some if it just didn’t feel in the spirit of the book. Not my favorite Rochester – I’ve loved Hinds in other things (the 1996 Persuasion, for example), but he was just too blustery and uncharismatic in this. Morton was fine as Jane. Honestly, I find that I love the character of Jane so much it’s hard to play her terribly – the source material is just really good. Sure one just has to be plain and mousy and passive for much of the movie, and as long as one hits the notes of ferocity in the right moments, one pretty much gets a passable version the character.

– 1996 movie with Charlotte Gainsbourg and William Hurt. I saw this in the movie theatre when it came out – I was in high school. What an odd odd pairing. William Hurt was much too old to be Rochester. I’m realizing that Rochester, while 20 years older than Jane is actually only in his later 30s, which, now that I’ve crossed into my 40s, seems much younger than it seemed to me when I first read the book as a teenager. So. William Hurt’s older and weary Rochester was perhaps a little too old and weary for me. Charlotte Gainsbourg was fine as Jane. This movie did also have the virtue of having Anna Paquin as young Jane.

-2006 mini series with Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens – Ruth Wilson is my favorite Jane. There is something slightly off kilter about her Jane, and she found the humor in the character too. I think this Jane/Rochester pairing had the best chemistry – you could really sense that these two could be happy together for the rest of their lives. I could do without all that hair on Toby Stephens, though. I thought this was a very thorough adaptation – I need to re-watch it because I remember liking it very much.

-2011 film with Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender. Wasikowska is fine as Jane – she takes the outward calm and bland approach to Jane. Fassbender is my favorite Mr. Rochester – he has, I find, the right blend of humor and hope without being too gothic or grim or melodramatic, never mind that he is probably too good looking to play the part. But does any one every really believe that Jane is plain and Rochester homely looking?

-I have to say, though, my favorite adaptation is the National Theatre’s stage version of Jane Eyre. I watched it during the pandemic when it was made available to stream for free and I think it’s brilliant, as an adaptation, as a piece of theatre, as a piece of storytelling. The whole production takes places on a series of platforms and versatile group of eight (or six? can’t remember) playing all the parts, including the dog Pilot. There is something really visceral about this adaptation that I love. We all think of Jane as this really calm and collected and internal character, but somehow onstage, she can be just as histrionic as Rochester and it works.

After I worked through my Jane Eyre obsession, the next soundtrack I put on was The Scarlet Pimpernel, a 1997 Frank Wildhorn musical, based on the book about a bunch of English noblemen who, during the Reign of Terror in France, band together to save French aristocrats from the guillotine.

The musical got three different revisions on Broadway – so I feel like either it was amazing or amazingly bad. I’m in the camp of amazing. But it was also panned quite badly by the critics, so I’m probably wrong. I’ll never get to see it, so I’ll never know for sure. When I was in college, I remember watching on tv the Scarlet Pimpernel company perform the musical number Into the Fire on the Tony Awards and I was so very taken by Douglas Sills, who played the lead Sir Percy Blakeney. Into the Fire is the number where Percy persuades his friends that they must go to France and save the aristocrats, and if you ever need a hearth thumping inspirational “St. Crispin’s Day” speech type of musical number, this is it. Anyhow, the first time I saw this number on the Tony Awards broadcast, I was immediately smitten by Douglas Sills and the heartbreakingly enthusiastic optimism with which he led this ensemble. I remember thinking he was the most beautiful man on earth. You should go watch it.

There’s something about revisiting the obsessions of one’s youth and the way it can take you back. Sometimes I watch things that I loved twenty years before, and say to myself, “Wow, I can’t believe I liked that!” or, more accurately, “Wow, twenty year old me had terrible taste!” (I think Phantom of the Opera is like that – I still love all it’s schlocky melodrama, but I don’t think it’s as objectively good as I thought it was when I was younger.) And sometimes I’m like, “Wow, that still packs a punch!” Into the Fire is definitely the latter and I’ve been finding myself newly obsessed by the whole musical recently. I will admit that the soundtrack itself has a few too many “Love is miserable” type power ballads for my taste, but they are sung with heart and a certain lack of irony that is hard to find these days. And the bigger ensemble numbers are nimble and clever. It’s been fun re-discovering this piece and I’ve been listening to it on repeat and scouring the internet for YouTube for clips and articles and interviews about the production- I would say it’s been 95% of my Google searches the past week. It just has such a fascinating creation story – how it was written and re-written and re-written and how it launched Sills’ career, and how critics hated it. Every so often I get very fixated on something and go on a Google bender. I’ve even set Into the Fire as the alarm for the kids to get dressed in the morning. At 7:57, the first strains of Into the Fire plays and the two little kids – the oldest one has gone to school by then – go get dressed. And they know they have until the end of the number to emerge fully dressed from their room. It’s worked shockingly well this past week.

The other thing my recent obsession with Scarlet Pimpernel made me think about, as I dredged up pirated videos on YouTube is that I will probably never get to see this musical live. And certainly never with the dashing Douglas Sills in the lead. And that makes me a little sad, because it reminds me how ephemeral theatre and live performance is. This thing that I do for a living, what is the value if it doesn’t give people something they can bottle or hold on to or replay whenever they want? We create moments to savor, moments that you live in and then are left to remember rather than relive. Even when I watch grainy footage of musical numbers, I am very much aware that that was corner of time that I was not there for, and all I can have is this four minute shaky video clip on YouTube. And even thought that moment was captured on video, it kind of exists as a relic, not as the piece itself. It’s very different from a movie that was created, yes of moments that were filmed, but a movie is created to be frozen in time. Theatre is just not like that. Watching a video of a theatrical performance makes me very aware of how I will never get to experience that performance, that moment of theatre live. It’s a little sad, but also makes me realize how, whether I’m working backstage on a show or seeing it from out front, I am grateful to be part of that story that is being told that night and the people who are telling it. I guess this is also true of a lot of things in life…

Other things:
Watercolor homework – poppies. I feel like it’s a little unrefined and almost cartoonish. I still haven’t gotten a hold on how to blend colours seamlessly. Also part of the assignment was to paint the background first, and then paint the poppy over it, and I’m not really happy with how you can see the background through the poppies. But… the texture in the grass was done with a cool technique where you sprinkle salt on the paint while wet and as the salt dissolves in the paint, it creates cool swirls of colour. This is probably stuff that you learn to do in elementary school, but pretty cool nonetheless.

Then this week we are working on working with watercolor pencils, which is fun. Here was what we did in class, experimenting with the different ways one can use water color pencils.

Lunch Hack of the week:
One day, I asked the four year old what she wanted for lunch. And she said “Chicken!” So I stuck a Costco size package of chicken wings into the InstantPot with a bit of Cajun seasoning and made a week’s worth of chicken wings. Batch cooking has made for really easy lunch packing – a couple of chicken wings thrown into their lunch box, half an apple sliced up, cucumber slices, and two Oreos. I’m sure I’m breaking all sorts of food safety rules by having the cooked chicken sit in the fridge all week and having the kids eat it, but no one’s gotten sick yet…

I’ve also been on a muffin making kick lately. The biggest hits are Morning Glory muffins from the King Arthur Flour Baking Book and these chocolate muffins made with applesauce. The four year old has been wanting chocolate muffins, but most of the recipes I saw were too cake-like for me. I don’t know if these are necessarily any healthier, but the apple sauce gives it a firmer texture. The kids gobble them up. One day, I came home to find that of the 24 mini chocolate muffins and 12 morning glory muffins I made, all that was left were two mini muffins and 1 morning glory muffin with a bite taken out of it. It was so sad, I took a picture for my Husband. He told me it was too sad and not blog-worthy. So I’m sticking the picture here, just to prove him wrong:

Okay – traumatic experience of the week – My friend was showing me around her house, which they have been doing major renovations to. We walked through all the finished parts and oohed and ahhed over how great everything looked. And then she took me to her upstairs bathroom which was being gutted and renovated. It had been torn down to the studs, including the floor. It was just crossbeams and the floor beneath. Which was actually the ceiling of the kitchen below. Then her cat ran into the gutted bathroom, and my friend stepped into the bathroom to get the cat out and, stepping onto what seemed like solid floor, but was really only dry wall of the ceiling below, and her foot plunged through that drywall, the cat fell through the hole that her foot made, into the kitchen below, and then the rest of my friend plunged through the hole, only saved from falling all the way through by catching herself by the armpits on the crossbeams. OMG, I thought my friend was going to plunge to her death right in front of me. And the whole time she was saying, “Is the cat okay?” I quickly reached down and helped haul her back up and out of the bathroom and we decided that the door to the bathroom could stay shut. I always thing of houses as VERY SOLID things, but once in a while, I realize that they are actually quite vulnerable feats of engineering and craftsmanship. Like when you realize all that’s between you and the room below is couple of crossbeams and a piece of drywall.

Grateful for:
-That my friend did not seriously hurt herself – or her cat – when they plunged through the ceiling.

-The lady at watercolor class who came over to me at the beginning of class and said, “I noticed that you had the expensive watercolour paper, and I was wondering if you wanted this extra pad I had of the not so expensive stuff so that you don’t have to use up all your good paper?” I was so touched! When I originally went to the art store, they only had the expensive stuff – I mean it’s not the “so expensive I don’t want to use it” kind, but it was definitely better than the “buy it in a 30 sheet pad from Michael’s” pad that the teacher had recommended we get. The lady at class had accidentally bulk ordered the basic 30-sheet pad, so she had extra. Then she said, somewhat darkly, “It’s more paper than I’ll be able to use, given my age.” Which was also kind of touching and frank.

-Apple Music. I mean I pay for it, but to have all this music at my fingertips is amazing, especially since the last time I was really into listening to music, it involved expensive purchases and lugging three binders of CDs around with me.

-That running doesn’t hurt. I don’t think I will ever like running. But it’s good for me and I do feel better afterwards, so I will try to keep running a few times a week. I only started running the year that I turned 42, so I’m pretty new at it and it’s not terribly easy for me. I get tired and hot and bored and can’t catch my breath. Lately, though, I’ve noticed that mile 2 does not feel as impossibly hard as it did two years ago. Last week, I managed to run three miles on two of my runs – I don’t usually get that far, but I got to 2.5 miles on both runs and felt like, “Okay, I think I can just do that extra half mile.” I know 3 miles is kind of paltry to a lot of serious runners, but to me, it feels like a reach goal on an average Wednesday afternoon. But it’s getting easier to go that far, and I’m grateful.

-That the two younger kids don’t have cavities. Yay! The kids had their semi-annual cleanings, and after the ordeal of all the crowns earlier this year, I went into their dentist appointment on pins and needles, wondering if, despite all that, they still had issues. Apparently they have very grooved teeth. But thankfully, there are no cavities. The 7 year old might need to see an orthodontist at some point, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Looking Forward to:

-Cherry blossoms! Peak bloom will be during spring break, so I might not be able to see them, but I’m hoping to go down to the Tidal Basin next week and get my fill.

-Having a friend over for dinner. Sometimes I think I want to throw a dinner party and invite witty people and cook all the things, but I think I actually prefer just having one or two friends over at a time. It feels more low-key and easier to connect. I think I’ll make chicken curry.

-Going back to rehearsal in April. I’m ready for someone to hand me a schedule every day and to know where I have to be and what I have to do. It’s nice to have a lighter schedule, but I think I do better with more structure in my life.

What we ate:

Saturday: Pizza and Next Goal Wins. It was my movie night and I admit that I was in no small part prompted to pick this movie because it starred the above-mentioned Michael Fassbender. In addition to that, though, it’s great family friendly sports movie about the American Samoa soccer team, which was known as the worst soccer team in the world when it lost 30-0 to Australia in a World Cup qualifier match. Fassbender is the down on his luck coach who is tasked with getting the team to score just one goal in a game. It hits all the feel good predictable notes of a family friendly sports film.

Sunday: Pasta and red sauce. Basic, simple, and filling.

Monday: Black Pepper Asparagus and Tofu, eaten with rice. I had some asparagus in our produce box to use up. I would use more black pepper next time.

Tuesday: Chicken on the Run – Peruvian chicken take-out after the 7 year old’s sewing class. He is now making a pillow.

Wednesday: Mac and cheese and kielbasa and green beans.

Thursday: pizza and fries before the show. The husband and the two little kids had eggs and toast at home. I had tickets to the dress rehearsal of the operetta that my company was producing and I took the 12 year old, and a friend and my work BFF’s 11 year old and her friend. So that was me driving carpool with 4 pre-teens in the car and it was a fascinating experience. Preteens are so full of confidence and enthusiasm and bravado, even the quiet ones, and I had the curious experience of being invisible – a fly on the wall – driving them down to the theatre, privy to all sorts of conversations. It was such a strange experience.

Friday: pizza leftover from last Saturday, and salad and Galavant. Finished the series. Soooo sad! We are all really sad that there was never a third season of Galavant, even though they did end things on a little bit of a cliffhanger, so maybe we can hope? What ever will we watch next?

Weekly Recap + what we ate: Good-bye February 2024!

Our last weekend in February was delightfully filled by a visit from my high school friend. She arrived on Saturday mid afternoon and was with us until Monday when I drove her to her hotel where she would be staying for her conference. She’s the only friend from high school that I still keep in touch with, and even though we only see each other every couple of years, we always pick up where we left off. She has children a few years older than mine, and she has such a chill approach to parenting that it’s so soothing talking to her about kids and life and how things turn out. She also used to date my brother so there are things that she just gets about me, even when she doesn’t know the details of my life ant any given moment.

Before my friend came in on Saturday, the 12 year old had a voice lesson, and since the voice lesson was closer to the airport than our house, we decided to have a little adventure in the two hours between voice lesson and my friend’s arrival. (The 12 year old had a hang out with a friend, so she didn’t come along). I remembered that the Gardens at Dumbarton Oaks are free during the winter months, and I had always wanted to visit. It was about 15 minutes from where we were, so we drove down to Georgetown, parked our car, stopped for some coffee, and walked down Wisconsin Ave to Dumbarton Oaks.

So funny story – the only reason I know that Dumbarton Oaks exists is because Igor Stravinsky wrote a chamber symphony called Dumbarton Oaks, which was commissioned by Robert and Mildred Bliss, who used to own the estate. The estate is now a research institute, library, museum, and gardens. Ever since I heard the chamber symphony in college, I’ve wanted to visit Dumbarton Oaks. So finally, twenty plus years later, we went. It’s so funny what random bits of information I know because it has a connection to music.

The gardens were quite extensive and there was lots to see, even though it was still pretty dormant. We played our “Find the Rainbow Colors” game. Though we didn’t really find blue because the sky, which is often our default blue, was pretty grey and cloudy. But there were these cool green-ish blue rocks in the pebble garden, so I took a picture of those. And I can never find indigo…

The purple and yellow flowers always remind me of the passage in Braiding Sweetgrass where Robin Wall Kimmerer said she wanted to study botany to know why purple and yellow flowers always look so nice together. Turns out there is a scientific explanation for that – I can’t remember what, to be honest – but it’s always struck me, this idea of wanting to understand beauty.

We wandered the gardens until it was time to go pick up my friend. The rest of the weekend was pretty chill. I loved having a friend visit who didn’t feel the need to be a tourist, so we could hang out and not traipse all over the city. She just tagged along with us on our normal life things and we had great conversations and connections. Looking back, Sunday was a great day – it checked a lot of soul satisfying boxes:
-Connection – hanging out for 48 hours with my friend, including dinner at my favorite hot pot place.
-Exercise – we went skating together while the kids were in lessons. So not super strenuous, but we got our bodies moving for a good two hours.
-Creative – I had to finish my watercolour homework, so in the afternoon, I worked on that while my friend hung out and hemmed her pants. How wonderfully domestic does that sound?
-Outside time – We took the two little kids outside after I was done my homework and watched them while they rode their bikes around the block for an hour. Again, not as active as a hike, but still some quality sunshine and fresh air time.

I think the only box that didn’t get checked was some knocking some big household organization project off my list. But… you can’t do everything and the day overall had a nice leisurely pace. The Husband did do a lot of work in the garden, though, so maybe I can have him check off the “household task” box for us?

March is my last month at a reduced work schedule before I go back into opera mode. I feel like February wasn’t super focused. I was on an 8 hr a week contract at work so I could do some admin and stage management department duties, but I couldn’t get into a good rhythm of when to be at work. I wanted to be available for at least 30-60 mind a day to handle email and tasks, so then the questions became how to spend the other hours a week. I did take the weekends completely off, like didn’t-even-check-email-off, which was really nice. I did periodically have a sense of panic that I was shirking my job responsibilities, but then I had to remind myself that an 8 hour a week contract means I only have to work 8 hours a week. I wasn’t being paid to be constantly available, and there were certainly enough people at work that nothing depended on me alone. I ended up mostly working two three hour days – usually Wednesday and Thursday – and then splitting the other two hours between the other three days, working from home. But even though a three hour day sounds short, it breaks up the entire day in such a way that I felt like unless I was super focused – which I rarely was – I lost a lot of time in commuting and transitioning. I find transitioning between activities is when I loose the most time – it’s when I’m most likely to get distracted, start scrolling and then loose and hour or so. So then little tasks – especially little computer tasks – got dropped because the last thing I wanted to do after being on my computer for 3 hours at the office was to turn on the computer at home and pay the bills and do the kid sign ups, research how to get rid of my car, etc.

This week’s work from watercolor class:
First the homework from last week – the assignment was “sunsets”

Then the lesson was painting poppies. I didn’t love this one – I felt like it was a little un-refined. The lady who sits next to me in class makes such delicate paintings.

Anyhow, February 2024 is now past and we are onto March. I don’t always do a monthly reflection, but I did for February:
February highs:
– Starting water color classes.
-Getting back on my bike.
– Seeing the kids thrive in the activities we had signed them up for. I worried that it was going to be too much, but they truly love what they are doing – except piano, no one really loves to practice, though they say they want to learn to play…
– Hosting Super Bowl Sunday gathering with friends.
– Visit from my high school friend
– joining a women’s Lenten reading group. Having that connection, but also the daily readings, which somehow give me much to ponder even though I’m not Catholic like the others in the group.
-Making baozi. I want more cooking adventures!
-As a family, we made it to a museum, a hike and some gardens in February.
-The wonderful weather. Mostly.
-Watching Galavant with the kids. Only three more episodes to go! What should we watch next???
-The vocal recital that I did titles for. Such a beautiful program, beautifully sung.
-Lunches with the Husband. A good use of my lighter schedule.

February not so highs. (aka lows, but really, life is pretty good, so I don’t feel right calling them “lows” – they’re just life, the tedious, repetitive, papercut stresses of life. Or maybe I need a re-frame. Or more sleep.)
-Tantrums and chore cajoling. Ugh. When will this phase end? Though I ask that and my kids are all at different phases, so…. I guess never? When they move out? Also I realize chore cajoling could also refer to the pep talks I give to myself to stop scrolling and fold the laundry.
-Making little progress on some house chores, losing momentum and focus.
– The first grader and some communication issues with his teacher. Essentially he’s having accidents at school at least once or twice a month, either because his teacher wants him to finish his work first, or the teacher doesn’t realize he’s asking to go. I’m a little stumped by the whole thing. Also frustrated. Also trying to decide if it’s a problem because he doesn’t seem to mind…
-New duties at work that are surprisingly harder than I had thought they would be and not yet knowing how to make things better.
– Not finding/making time to journal and then not remembering or savoring the memories of what I’ve been doing with my days.
-Laundry. So much laundry.

Some aspirations for March:
-TAXES. This is the big one. If I do only one thing in March, it will be to assemble everything for our tax preparer. This is not an aspiration, but a MUST DO!!!!
– Figure out what to do with my car.
-Sort through summer camp sign ups. We registered for some second choice camps, but then first camp choice had slots open up, so I just have to take a minute to look at everything and sort it all out.
-Spring break adventures – getting through them.
-At work – some desk organization. I need to move desks – to the cubicle where the head of the stage management department usually sits, but I’ve been in my desk for over 15 years and I’m partial to it so this is proving psychologically difficult. Kind of like the car. Maybe I don’t need to move desks?
– Organizing a) my sewing corner, and b) the toy room.
– Lunch with my mom’s group.
-maintaining life habits – reading, yoga and exercise, journaling, writing here regularly, making 2 vegan dinners a week.
– sort out my county rec center pass, and actually using it. The County is once again giving all residents free passes to the rec centers this year. I want to get my pass so I can start using the gym and introduce some strength work to my life.
-continuing to find time for lunches with the Husband.
-Listening to more musicals. This is a fun one. I’ve been on a binge lately of those unironic big hearted musicals from the 90s – those musicals that were huge spectacles of stage and emotion. I’m currently obsessed with Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton’s The Scarlet Pimpernel. Up next, I think might be Titanic.
– Going to bed at a decent time. ie. before 11:30pm. Constant struggle.
-make some dentist and doctor appointments.
–maybe get a hair cut. I was realizing as I was writing in my 5 year journal that the last time I got my hair cut was this time last year. What?!?! I think I had a bit of sticker shock last time since my hairdresser had raised his prices. I’ve been with him for over ten years so I don’t know if I have it in me to find a new person. (Like my car and my desk at work….)

Grateful For:
-Sunny, warm weather. There have been some rainy days too, but the weather has been really mild. The hyacinths have come up along our front walk, and when I walk to the front door, their sweet peppery smell reminds me that it is early spring.

-Impulsive playdates and kids who can run free at the park without being watched. The kids had a half day of school on Friday, so I texted the mom of two of the 7 year old’s friends (they’re twins), and asked if they wanted to meet up at a park. They did and she invited two other kids from her bus stop to meet us there. We ended up spending two hours at the park. The kids ran around and did I don’t know what and I got to chat with the other moms. I don’t always find it easy to talk to other parents, but that wasn’t the case this time. We chatted about all sorts of things, and not just our kids, which is always nice.

-My friend at our bus stop who invited me to the Lenten Women’s Group. I think it’s always awkward to invite someone to something new, but especially something that is based in religion. So I’m glad my friend had the courage to ask me to join. It was nice to get out of the house and talk to other moms about their spiritual background and how they try to incorporate it into their lives. I kind of feel like a fraud since I wouldn’t call myself religious – Lent wasn’t a thing when I was growing up. But religion is important to the Husband and two of the three kids are Catholic, so I do want to understand how it makes up the fabric of our life and support that. I also really like thinking about the group readings. The book looks at Lent through the lens of the Seven Deadly Sins. We’ve covered gluttony and lust so far. The readings have made me really think about what it means to have enough and what to do with my energy rather constantly accumulating/wanting more.

-That I don’t have to be in tech. I stopped by the theatre a couple days last week since the show that we’re currently producing, but which I’m not working on, is in tech. I love my job. I love making the magic of theatre and music happen. But once in a while, it’s nice to just sit and watch tech happen and not have the pressure of having to be the one to make it all happen. I find it also good to sit and watch tech from the house sometimes, just to remind myself what it’s like out front. When I’m in tech, I have a headset on and I’m communicating with all the other stage managers and I’m talking to the crew, so I usually know what’s going on. Sometimes, I forget, though, that the people out front don’t necessarily have the same voices in their ear as I do and might not know what is happening backstage. So what to me backstage might seem like a frantic scramble to get, say, a prop ready to come out onstage while the singer onstage waits for it, is, to the people sitting in the house, sometimes… nothing happening. Watching the process without a headset is always a good reminder to make sure that the people without headsets know what is going on. Anyhow, as much as I love my job, I’m grateful that sometimes I don’t have to be part of that stress. (and also jealous because the show is super cute and fun.)

Looking Forward To:
-We booked a trip to Maine/Acadia for this summer. We got a National Parks Pass and I very much want to make sure we use it this year. We’ve had passes the past couple years (including a free one given to all 4th graders when the 12 year old was in 4th grade – it’s a great program!), but I don’t think I use it to it’s full capacity. We go to Great Falls and Shenandoah regularly because those are all close, but I’ve always felt like I want to do more. So this year we are going to Acadia. I’m looking forward to sunsets and hikes and lobster. (I don’t think we’ll be doing sunrise at Cadillac Mountain because of where our airbnb is located, but I think it would have been a hard sell for the kids. Another time…)

-Theatre trips! I have tickets to a couple shows coming up! Yay. The Husband and I are going to see Company, and the dress rehearsal/ Opening night for the next opera (which I’m not working on, so I’ll get to see it! Yay!). And then the local high school is putting on Beauty and the Beast and I think that will be fun to see too. I feel like it’s good to see the professional shows and the high school ones – for a sense of perspective.

-I have a contract for my summer gig and I am SO EXCITED! It’s an opera I worked on six year ago, an opera written in 2017 about the Christmas Eve truce of 1914 during World War I. The opera is just. so. beautiful – in my top 5 opera jobs ever. And it’s very rare one gets to do a contemporary opera more than once, so I’m super thrilled.

-Listening to this audiobook:

I saw this audiobook recommended on the site Five Books, and I really enjoyed Alexis Hall’s book Boyfriend Material, so I thought I’d give this one a try. I’m very much loving it – it’s an amnesia romance novel where the amnesia victim doesn’t really have amnesia. How’s that for flipping a trope on it’s head? Amnesia romances usually aren’t my thing, but this one’s pretty great. And the audiobook is pitch perfect; it’s like an audio version of my favorite British rom com in the vein of Notting Hill or Four Weddings and a Funeral. Fluffy and and warm and hilarious. I’ve laughed out loud so many times.

What We Ate:
Saturday: Chicken Ginger Scallion soup from Deb Perelmans’ Smitten Kitchen Keepers cookbook. This was a super easy soup, and I even make it with frozen chicken, just cooking it a bit longer. Nice pantry type meal. Everyone loved it. We didn’t watch a movie because my friend was visiting, but we did watch and episode of the new season of Bad Batch.

Sunday: We went out to Hot Pot with my friend. Our favorite place with a conveyor belt and a robot that delivers the food for you.

Monday: Chickpeas braised in tomatoes. This was leftover from the week before. I added some water and it was more of a soup than stew, but still tasty. We had it with bread. Vegan.

Tuesday: Beet burgers and tater tots. The beet burgers were this recipe from Post Punk Kitchen. We had beets to use up, so I tried this recipe. The burgers were really tasty, and pretty easy to assemble, though grating the beets did take a while and then because my food processor is small and only does 1.5 cups at a time chopping all the ingredients together took a couple of batches. If you had a bigger capacity food processor then these would be much faster to whip up. I highly recommend this as a veggie burger. The burgers also heat up really well, so I had them for lunches the rest of the week. vegan.

Wednesday: Take out Vietnamese – buns and noodle bowls. We had an afterschool playdate with a friend and her father brought dinner over afterwards. Tasty.

Thursday: Pork and tofu stir fry with udon noodles. The Husband cooked.

Friday: Pizza and Galavant.

Random Friday Post: 9 Things I Love in a Public Restroom

The awesome hooks in the bathroom at the Amsterdam airport. I thought them so stylish that I took a picture.

Last summer, the restroom stalls at the rehearsal hall where I worked had a shelf. It was the perfect shelf, waist high and just wide enough for my cell phone. It made me so happy every time I went to the bathroom stall to have a place to put my phone and not have to worry about my it falling out of my pocket when I was peeing. It got me thinking of all the things I like in a public restroom. Which I know is a little random, but it’s been percolating, so here you go:

1) A shelf for my phone. As mentioned above. And, if not a shelf, at the verrry least a hook. Best if it’s a double hook. Or more than one. And it it’s high up enough that my stuff doesn’t drag on the ground. I don’t understand not having a hook in a women’s bathroom stall. Well any bathroom stall, but particularly a women’s. Because I always have a purse or bag or something with me. Or in the winter time, my coat. I want to hang that stuff up while I pee. Which also makes me wonder… where do men put their bags and coats when they use urinals?

2) Clean. I mean, it’s obvious, but had to be said. I’m partial somewhat to a bathroom that smells like PineSol, like the bathrooms of my elementary school.

3) Almond scented hand soap. This is my favorite public bathroom hand soap smell and it makes me so happy when I come across it. It reminds me of almond jelly, one of my favorite Taiwanese desserts. Also while we’re here – soap at every sink. How often do you go into a public bathroom and there is a row of sinks and one single soap dispenser all the way to the far side? And you have to “Pardon me, excuse me, so sorry!” your way past someone else to get to the soap and then back again to your sink.

4) A foot pedal flush. This might be asking a lot, but I do appreciate when there is a foot pedal. I will fully admit that I do use my foot to flush the toilet periodically. I have started just using my hand because when I think about it, it’s kind of an irrational germaphobic reaction to toilet handles since I’m about to wash my hands anyway. But then I think – If I use my foot to flush toilets, other people must, so maybe it is dirtier than I think…. I don’t know. I go back and forth on this one. Which is why I love a foot pedal flush because it takes all the overthinking out of it.

5) A changing table. Because I have kids and there are few things worse than changing a baby on a window sill. While we’re at it, I’m always delighted when there is a step stool for little kids so I don’t have to haul my kid up to wash their hands.

6) A trash can for my used period supplies. Maybe TMI, but there’s nothing I hate more than having to carry a balled up, used pad to the trash can outside the stall. I mean there are probably things I hate more – people who don’t use their turn signals, for one – but this one seems pretty unnecessary. Just put a receptacle for the used pads and wrappers in the stall, please! Ooooh, once in a while, I come across a bathroom that has little baggies for your used period product. I actually appreciate this quite a lot.

7) A full length mirror. And not opposite the toilet. I kid you not – the bathroom backstage at work has a full length mirror opposite the toilet. I do not want to watch myself pee. Makes me think that these bathrooms were designed for/by men. (probably true, given the demographics of the stage crew.) I mean I get the full length mirror in the single bathroom backstage – we often use bathrooms for costume changes. But…. there is a a whole expanse of wall. Put that mirror somewhere else. Or on the back of the door. Nonetheless, I do like having a full length mirror somewhere in my bathroom experience so I can do a quick once over before I leave.

8) Good soft lighting. Because while we’re at the above point, why have a full length mirror if the lighting is shit? Public bathrooms are awkward uncomfortable enough. Why aggravate it with bad lighting?

9) And to go along with #8 – warm. It’s nice when it’s warm. At Longwood Gardens, they have these bathrooms in trailers. They are soooo nice. Mostly because they are warm. Cold bathroom make things so unpleasant.

What are your favorite features to find in a public restroom?