Lots of things going on these days. Here is a long rambling brain dump of a post, to catch up on life in my neck of the woods.
The end of the school year is in sight. Last Friday was originally supposed to be the last day of school, but the school year was extended by two half days to make up for all the snow days that we had. The 13 year old was already signed up for basketball camp this coming week, so I gave her the option of 1) going to camp after her half days of school, or 2) skipping the last two days of school and going to camp. She chose option 2. So last week, she cleaned out her locker (and her backpack, and actually her room too!), and now she is done with seventh grade.
Middle school is so funny – I feel like the first year is about getting used to not being in elementary school. Then you have 7th grade where you get into a rhythm of things. But then 8th grade you are preparing to leave – the fall of 8th grade is when students here apply/choose high schools. In our area of the county, there is a consortium of five high school, each with different specialties and programs. Every student gets into their home school, but they can apply to get into any of the other four schools as well – some require applications and some are lottery. The high schools all have open houses in October and the school choice forms need to be in by November 1st. It all sounds very stressful. The 13 year old current first choice is our home school, so this might be an easy process. But I think we’ll go to all the open houses anyway, just to be informed. I know high school is two years away, but having to go through the process of school choice in a four months makes it all seem really soon. Time. Time. Time. Flying.
Last week was the 5 year old’s graduation from pre-K. They had a cute little ceremony – children processed, songs were sung. Each child got to say what they wanted to be when they grew up. Our five year old said she wanted to be a doctor. There was balloons and cakes and good friends. She still is enrolled in day care for two more weeks, so it all felt a little anticlimactic. In fact, driving in the car a few days before the graduation, she said, rather excitedly, “I only have two more days of school left!” “Honey,” I said, “you do know you still have to go to school after graduation, right?” “Oh.” I felt bad bursting her bubble.
The eight year old will go to those two half days/ make up for snow days and then he’ll be off. He’s a little salty about the fact that he still has to go to school, but oh well. Ironically, his school was cancelled last Friday because the air conditioning was broken at his school. After he graduates, we’ll have our traditional ice cream and school year recap outing.
Other things in life: An unexpected car wait. I had to take the van in for a small fix. I was originally told that it would take an hour, so I decided to wait. Friends, it took four hours. I’m glad I brought my book and my portable keyboard with me so that I had something to occupy me. Eventually, I got tired of sitting in the waiting room, despite the unlimited cheap hot chocolate. I had finished my book, written a blog post, and my phone was running out of battery. So I took myself out for a walk. The car dealership is not in a particularly picturesque part of town, but by that point in the afternoon, anything was going to be better than the waiting room. I wandered to a plaza next door. I stopped at Giant for some snacks, contemplated getting a hair cut (but the next appointment was in an hour and I really hoped I would be on my way by then.) And then I discovered a board game store. I wandered in and browsed their selection of games and after a while, I asked the guy behind the counter for recommendations for a game I could play with my kids, ages 13- 5, one of whom couldn’t read yet, and without lots of tiny pieces. I came away with two games:
We played the Happy Salmon game a few days later, and let me tell you, if you are looking for a gentle quiet game, this is not it. It is a loud, hilariously raucous, energetic, fast paced game. We laughed so very hard. Definitely a welcome addition to our game collection.
I haven’t opened Dixit yet, but it looks beautiful too.
All in all, it was irksome to be stuck at the car dealership, but I think I made the best of the time.
But speaking of which – I did go back a week later to that hair place that I had seen and finally got a hair cut:
Just in time for summer heat, back to having short hair!
Contra-dancing – We went contra dancing as a family last week. That was lots of fun. The band was super hot. The kids all danced. The two littles like to dance as one person, which sometimes makes it confusing, but everyone was super forgiving and helped push them in the direction they needed to go. A super sweet thing – the three kids waltzed together at the end of the dance. I love how for the last waltz, this band will come down off the stage and play from the middle of the dance floor. It’s all kind of magical.
Two new culinary adventures: Chocolate orange cake. It was really pretty. I made two because we had the ingredients for two. I thought I would give one away, but I didn’t. We just ate both cakes ourselves. Is there anything more lovely than having a cake on the counter?
Tanghulu – candy coated fruit, very popular in the Taiwanese night markets. The 13 year old has wanted to try to make this ever since she tried it in Taiwan. Basically it involves melting sugar with water and cooking it down until it is “hard crack” temperature – meaning the sugar/water hardens when cooled. The process sounds simple, but getting the timing right is kind of tricky. Still, we were pretty successful for our first attempt:
A Day Playing hooky – I had a day where I didn’t have to be into work, so I met up with a friend and we ran errands, picked up Chipotle and the went back to her house and watched Bridgerton. We don’t have Netflix, so I’ve never seen Bridgerton. I do like the books – well except the last two books, I thought those were not as good as the first six books – so I’ve been so curious about the tv series. We watched two episodes, ate popcorn and had a lovely mid-week relaxing day.
This past weekend was Father’s Day. It wasn’t the most exciting of Father’s Day. I feel kind of bad about that – the 13 year old had a swim meet on Sunday, so we were out of the house by 7:45 am to make it to the meet. (Next week’s meet is 30 minutes away, so we’ll have to be up and out of the house even earlier than that… I’m not looking forward to that one…) The Husband took the 5 year old to Agility Class and then ran errands with the kids. I came home, we had lunch and then I took the 13 year old to basketball workout. We did spend the evening with friends who grilled for us, but then I had to leave to take a meeting for union stuff. It wasn’t a very celebratory Father’s Day, I’m afraid. I’ll have to do better next time.
Five things that are currently working in life:
Patio Time – Summer porch time is a beautiful concept. Only I don’t have a porch. But I do have a back patio, so I’ve been having a bit of summer patio time in the mornings. Just 15 minutes of me with my book and a beverage in the morning, enjoying the air and sunlight. Our patio is east facing, so it has started to get hot. Thank goodness for our patio umbrella.
Playaways – Playaways are little tablets you can check out from the library that are pre-loaded with educational games. A few weeks ago, I borrowed a few from the library for the 8 and 5 year olds. Promising them Playaway time has been a great bribe/ incentive with them, since they generally don’t get a lot of tablet time. I like that the Playaways aren’t connected to the internet so I don’t have to worry about my kids going online and ordering $4000 worth of dum dums or anything like that. Currently in the morning, if they get all their stuff done, they can have Playaway time, and it’s been working pretty well.
Daily yoga– I’ve been able to doing at least 10 minutes of yoga every day this year so far, except for one day when we were travelling back from Malaysia. What’s been working for me to do this: 1) Charlie Follows yoga videos – I like that her videos are anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes so I can choose what fits into my day. I like that there is no intention setting or chanting or too much cheerleading going on – just straight forward yoga routines with options to make it easier or more challenging, without judgement. I like that there is no music. The other yoga resources I like to use for practices are Down Dog Yoga (I also like that it’s no frills), Rise and Shine Yoga Flows by MoveWith on Audible (I like that it’s an audio only option), and Sara Beth Yoga (has lots of ten minute videos, but she is a little affirmation heavy for my tastes, TBH). 2) I usually do the yoga in the morning. I feel like it’s less mental energy just to know that I’ll do it in the morning. 3) if I don’t get to it in the morning, I write “YOGA” on my hand to remind me to find another time to do it. Usually I will do an evening routine before going to bed. Once in a while, if it’s quiet at work, I will roll out a mat in my office and do 10 minutes there.
Palm pilot.
Swim bags for each kid – Up til now, I’ve always hauled all the stuff to the pool for me and the two younger kids. The 13 year old has always carried her own stuff. This summer, I got each child their own swim bag. No more having to carry my stuff, the little kids’ stuff, and dinner to the pool myself. No more having to be responsible for goggles and towels and kickboards. It’s the kids’ responsibility to make sure their bags are properly packed. Not to say I don’t still remind them constantly. Wow going to the pool feels much lighter now.
Half a Duvet. The Husband sleeps hot. I like to sleep bundled and buried under loads of covers: this had led to a bit of a duvet conflict. We’ve been looking into getting separate duvets- when we were in Amsterdam two years ago, we noticed that all the duvets were individual sized, even on the bigger beds. I thought this might be a good solution to the duvet conflict so I’ve been trying to find “European Twin” duvets. But then the other day, I had an inspiration. Just fold the existing duvet in half! Brilliant. The Husband doesn’t have to wrestle with the duvet and I get double thickness of duvet to snuggle into!
Five consuming things (that I’m consuming or that are consuming me):
–Dill Pickle Hot Cheetos– OMG three things I love: Cheetos, dill pickle flavoured things, and spicy things. I may have polished off one bag in one sitting. I did have some help. And then I went to the store and bought two more bags. I feel a low level panic that this is a one time food item. That thought makes me sad.
–Root Beer Float Cookies – I found these at Trader Joe’s. They are vanilla creme sandwich cookie bits, covered in pop rocks and root beer flavored coating. These also might have been eaten in a single sitting:
I only have a picture of the empty bag because they were eaten so quickly
–Gilded Age, Season Two – Just started the second season of Gilded Age and devoured the first few episodes – what a deliciously soap opera of a show.
–Swim season. We’re at the pool three hours a day, four or five days a week. The little kids do preteam at 5:00pm-5:30pm, and the oldest helps out on preteam. Then the oldest’s swim practice is from 6:15p-7:30pm. So we eat dinner at the pool, sometimes shower at the pool, then go home and go to bed. I spend a lot of time thinking about what we are going to eat, what time to pick up kids, when they are going to change … the logistics is consuming. At least we are lucky that we have evening practice and not morning practice as a lot of other pools do. In fact I’m writing some of this post while waiting for swim meet to start.
– South Africa – Preparing for the trip to South Africa is consuming me too. Packing! It is winter in South Africa, but here in Dc it’s summer and 90 degrees, which makes it very difficult to think about what 50 degree weather Diane will want to wear. Also binoculars- what kind to get that are compact but also not the most expensive? My time has been taken up by waaaay too much googling. I’ve been listening to podcasts about travel and packing tips. This trip has definitely been consuming me mentally.
Speaking of which…
Five things I’m stressing about for my trip:
Bras – I have somehow convinced myself that I need a new bra for the trip because I probably won’t have access to laundry. But you know, at home I wear the same bra all week and maybe, maybe wash it every other week. (sorry, probably TMI there…) So why, on the eve of a trip, have I decided that while on vacation I’m going to take to washing my bras more than I normally would?? I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect travel bra – thinking of bras for travel has taken up a lot more of my brain space that I would like to admit. Maybe the perfect bra for “international flight/ sightseeing” thing doesn’t exist. I don’t have any perfect bras – maybe I’m using this as an excuse to buy more?
Shoes – How many shoes do I need to pack? Do want to pack my ankle boots? Normally, I would wear my ankle boots on the plane because they are the heaviest item, but we will have a layover excursion in London where it will be hot, so wearing the ankle boots isn’t that appealing. Currently I have my slip on sneakers and my water resistant wool runners. Are those too similar? Should I ditch one and pack the ankle boots? Also I’m trying to think of a not Crocs option for a comfy shoe to wear while hanging out at the hotel or the pool (if there is a pool – I’m not sure on that one.) I don’t want to bring my Crocs because they are too bulky, and I don’t have a good pair of sandals. So what is the slim Croc alternative?
eSim card – When we were in Asia, I got an eSim for my phone rather than getting the daily international plan that AT&T offered. The eSim was something like $30 for two weeks while the international plan was $12/day. I could make calls and texts via Whatsapp, and use data when I had to look something up, and that seemed to be all I needed. Anyhow, I need to look into whether I should do the same thing for South Africa. The bummer thing, though, is that the 13 year old’s phone is a Bark Phone and I can’t put an eSim on it, I don’t think. So she’ll just have to use wifi when she can, I guess? And I’ll try not to lose her.
Hotel housing – I didn’t realize that I had to put in a special request for the 13 year old and I to room together. I guess I had kind of assumed that they would put family members together. But that isn’t the default and right now we are not assigned to share a room. Wump wump. I need to call the tour company and see if anything can be done. If not, I’m sure we’ll survive and make new friends.
Currency – I want to get some Rand before the trip, but I’m not sure how to go about this. Also I’m kind of obsessed with thinking about if I need a money belt to carry all that money around?
And it’s more than five, but so many other thingsstressing me out– I need to find the travel chargers, I have to remember to pay for activities and the cleaners because those payments will be due before I get back, I have to photocopy my and the 13 year old’s IDs to our trip leader, I have to download the tour company app… So many little things that need to be done. I just have to work my way down the list one thing at a time…
Five things I’m Grateful for:
-I got my period this week and I won’t have to deal with that while in South Africa. I won’t say there’s zero percent chance that I’ll have to deal with my period – I’ll still bring supplies – but there’s a pretty good chance that I won’t have to try to figure out how to buy period products in a foreign country. (Though I have to say the pads we found in Taiwan were AMAZING!).
-vanilla ice cream topped with peanut butter. This is a delicious way to use up the last dregs of peanut butter in the container – drop a few scoops of vanilla ice cream in the jar and eat.
-Parents who coach youth sports and parents who organize swim meets. The 8 year old had his last soccer game, and I have to say his coach deserves HUGE kudos. It can’t be easy to wrangle ten 8-9 year old boys, but he has such patience with them. And with other parents. And on that note – organizing a swim meet is a lot of work, and the parents at our pool do it once a week for six weeks during the summer. I’m so grateful for the time and effort they give so my kids can have a great experience.
-Bluetooth in the car. My last car did not have Bluetooth so I listened to the radio a lot. I still love the radio, but I also love getting in the car and being able to finish my audiobook.
-These little plastic cups. Last winter, our tour guide in Taiwan, a lovely gentleman named Hoya, gave use these plastic cups with lids as tour swag – they all have his contact information on them. When we first got them, I groaned inwardly about having to bring more plastic home, but I was wrong. I’ve gotten so much use out of these little cups. These days, I use them to bring smoothies to the pool with us. I love that the lids fit tightly and the little loop makes them easy to carry.
-Bonus gratitude – I’m grateful that the 13 year old now takes the initiative to write thank you notes to her teacher on her own. I caught her writing these during a quiet moment at the swim meet:
5 Things I’m Looking forward to: -Trip to Longwood Gardens – I think we are going to try to squeeze in a trip before the 13 year old and I leave for South Africa. It’s always so pretty there in the summer. (And in the fall. And in the winter. And in the Spring…)
-Eating more watermelon. It’s watermelon season!
-Half days this week. I was originally going to work a gig next week, but due to a miscommunication, the company went in another direction in terms of staffing. Which is fine with me. Despite needing the income, the thought of the job was giving me some minor anxiety because I’d never worked for the company before and it was an international summit, and I don’t like doing new things. (There is a reason I’ve been working for the same opera company for twenty years.) Anyhow, the last two days of school are next week and they are half days. I’m looking forward to having a few hours of mornings free to be able to run errands and then half days to spend with the kids.
-South Africa! South Africa! South Africa! Counting down the days!
-Reading this book:
It’s about two elderly women in Cape Town, one Black and one white who are bitterly feuding neighbors. I picked up a paperback copy from Barnes and Nobles this week -I like having a physical book to read on the plane. Also – thank you to folks who gave recommendations for books for my trip! I’m loaded up my Libby with books to read once I finish the Woman Next Door.
What we ate : Two weeks worth of meals here – most of it pool dinners.
Monday: Braised White Bean with Greens and Parmesan from NY Times Cooking- Something fast, and I needed up use up some chard in the fridge. This was essentially a soup. It was tasty.
Tuesday: Quesadillas – black bean and corn.
Wednesday: Dumplings (eaten at the pool – I pan fry them and put them in a thermos.) Cut up veggies and fruit, and pop corn.
Thursday: Snack dinner – sausage (in a bun), edamame, cucumbers, carrots, red peppers, popcorn, fruit smoothies. Dinner at the pool.
Friday: Pizza (the Husband made it) and Glee. We usually watch an hour of a tv show on Friday nights during swim season because we get home from the pool too late for a full movie. I do also pack a lot of snacks for the pool so the kids don’t get hungry before we get home.
Saturday: Chinese Takeout and Invictus – this 2009 movie tells the story about how Nelson Mandela used rugby to help the people in post-Apartheid South Africa find common ground. Quiet and elegant and all the expected sentimentality of a good sports movie. I really liked it. It was also an interesting movie to watch during our current political climate. I had wanted to watch it in anticipation of our trip.
Sunday: leftovers. We had a lot of leftover Chinese food, so I reheated that for dinner.
Monday: “Baked” Ziti from Dinner Illustrated. This is a genius recipe because the pasta is cooked right in the sauce, saving a step. I was also really excited because this recipe allowed me to use up some kale that was languishing.
Tuesday: Dumplings and edamame and smoothies. Eaten at the pool.
Wednesday: Pesto Pasta Salad – tortellini, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, cannellini beans. Not the meal I had planned, but a pretty simple one to throw together with stuff from our pantry. Eaten at the pool before swim meet.
Thursday: Japanese style Tuna Noodle Salad from NY Times Cooking. This was a light noodle salad. I didn’t love the tuna – I probably would make this with tofu or chicken. But the dressing was tasty. Eaten at home – we didn’t make it to the pre-team practice this day because of preschool graduation.
Friday: Pizza (take out) and Glee.
Saturday: Dinner out to celebrate graduation and Father’s Day. The family had burgers. I had the butter chicken.
Sunday: Grilling at our friend’s house. It was the usual burgers, brats, and dogs along with the smoked pork that our friend likes to make. I might have also eaten way to many chips. My friend introduced me to the idea of mixing sour cream (or Greek yogurt) into the salsa for a creamy dip.
Oh my, well that’s a lot of ink spilled for one post, but that’s life lately. Hope you have a lovely week ahead. I’ll be finalizing details for my trip and helping a friend celebrate her birthday. What are you up to this week? Anything currently working really well for you in life? Have you ever played Happy Salmon or Dixit? What’s your favorite dip to eat with chips? Favorite ice cream topping? What things are you consuming lately? What is consuming you?
Not a book, but book related thought lately – I went to see the opera Porgy and Bess with my 13 year old a few weeks ago. I had last seen this show ten years ago and I found I had a very different reaction to it this time around. (Spoiler alert…) Porgy and Bess tells the story of a Black community living in Catfish Row in South Carolina. Porgy, a disabled begger is in love with Bess, taking her in when her violent murdering boyfriend flees from the law. At the end of the opera, Bess takes off for New York with her drug dealer. When Porgy finds out, he decides to go after her. Curtain. End of opera.
The first time I saw the opera, when the curtain came down at the end, I thought, “wait, that’s it?!?!”. I found the ending really unsatisfactory. I wanted Porgy to find Bess and have a happy ending. Or him to die on the way to NY, or Bess to die… something that felt like an ending, not a beginning. But the opera doesn’t tell you what happens to Porgy after he leaves Catfish Row. We don’t even know if he makes it to New York.
Watching the opera ten years later, though, this ending did not bother me as much. Maybe because I already knew what was going to happen? But maybe also because I’m ten years older and my expectations of narratives and story arcs have changed over the years. I was thinking about this because the 13 year old’s reaction to the ending was the same as my reaction ten years ago. She wanted to know what happened to Porgy. (She also had some choice words for Bess, saying she didn’t deserve him.) I read Katherine Graham’s memoirs in my twenties, and when I got to the part where she got married, I realized that we were only about 1/3 of the way through the book – there was still another four hundred pages to go. I remember that being kind of a narrative-challenging light bulb moment for me, this realization that there is a lot of life ahead of a person after marriage and that the narratives I had come to expect weren’t the only narratives out there, fiction or non-fiction.
I wouldn’t want to read a romance novel that doesn’t end with a happily ever after, but for other fiction, I think I’m okay with inconclusive endings. I think I can read a book where the real story is in the journey and not the destination. I still do like a book where the ending is tied up neatly, but when the ending is inconclusive, I don’t find it as unsatisfying as I used to. I no longer think it’s the author’s job to fill in all the blanks for me. I can think and speculate about what there’s character’s lives look like after “The End”. I felt like this about Clear. Lisa noted that the ending seemed abrupt to her, and I agree – I do wish that I knew what happened to the three main characters. But I also loved the journey they all went on before they end of the book, and I realized that was the story that the author wanted to tell. It might not be about where a character ends up geographically, but rather where they end up internally.
Anyhow – what about you? Do you like books with endings that feel final? Or do books with nebulous endings appeal to you too?
On to books read last month. I read more books that I usually do, a lot of them on audio since I was commuting a lot. Nothing outstandingly amazing, but each very engrossing in their own ways…
Master Slave Husband Wife: An Epic Journey from Slavery to Freedom by Ilyon Woo – This non-fiction book tells the story of Ellen and William Craft, who escape from slavery by boldly pretending that Ellen was a sickly white man and William was her servant. They board a train in Georgia and travel north to Boston. The escape spans about half the book, and the rest of the book tells about how the flee to England (via Nova Scotia!) and become famous speakers against slavery. The Crafts’ story is so amazing and this book is filled with many historical details, giving readers a descriptive sense of America at the time. One thing that really made me think – I knew that very few slaves could read or write, but when it is put in context of pretending to be a white gentleman, it is amazing to me that the Crafts managed to pull off their escape. Think about all the little things you have to read or write when travelling – schedules, tickets, hotel ledgers, menus. When the Crafts arrive in Boston and one of their first requests was to learn to read – that was such an emotional moment for me:
“Ellen had come of age in a house where education was prized, but denied to her-where she had only been able to stare at the alphabet in secret. Here was a new beginning, evidenced in the tentative series of loops and lines that she formed in her own hand-spectral, fleeting traces that she drew, erased, and drew, again, to spell out her name, Ellen.”
― Ilyon Woo, Master Slave Husband Wife, p. 137
This is a gripping and fascinating non-fiction read, if you are looking for narrative non-fiction – well written and detailed.
Stage Kiss by Amelia Jones – This romance novel tells the story of two actors performing as Elizabeth and Darcy in a touring production of a Pride and Prejudice musical. And the tour is stopping in DC. So many things in that plot summary are my catnip – Jane Austen retelling! Theatre! Set in DC! In truth, this book wasn’t the best romance novel I’d ever read – the attempts to parallel P&P are a bit of a stretch at times – but I had a fun time reading about my world in a romance novel – I could picture the places they were and the walks they took. I don’t know that it’s a super accurate depiction of my work life, but who cares? Okay, the one part that made my jaw drop, though, was when the two main characters had sex in the dressing room while in costume! I’m pretty sure dressing room sex happens all the time, but IN COSTUME!!!!?!?!?! I mean we don’t even let people sit on the ground or eat in costume. Having sex in costume is just irresponsible.
The Switch by Beth O’Leary narrated by Alison Steadman and Daisy Edgar-Jones – Okay, fun P&P link here – Allison Steadhm played Mrs. Bennet in the iconic (and to my mind the best) BBC P&P adaptation. The Switch tells the story of Leena and her grandmother Eileen who are both in a bit of a rut, so they switch homes for two months; Leena takes her grandmother’s house in rural Yorkshire and Elieen will take Leena’s flat in London. I was looking for a sweet fun audiobook, and having enjoyed O’Leary’s Flatshare, I picked this one up, liking that the premise featured an older protagonist. The plotting is not as tight and flowing as Flatshare, but I still really liked this book and seeing how Leena and Eileen’s journey unfolded. I particularly liked Eileen’s attempts at dating and friendship as a senior citizen – Eileen is a quietly bad ass character.
Why We Make Mistakes by Joseph T. Hallinan, read by Marc Cashman – This book was recommended to me by a co-worker and I read it because I had been thinking a lot about choices I was making that didn’t always seem to be the right ones. Journalist Hallinan explores the reasons behind mistakes and missteps and human error. This book read like a compilation of scientific research over the years about how human behavior is fallible. There were lots of interesting tidbits. As an overthinker, the part that really stuck with me was when Hallinan talked about how statistically, having more information does not necessarily make for more correct choices. So when I dither on making a decision because I feel like I need more information, that’s really my own reluctance to commit, not necessarily because I truly need more information. There was also an interesting discussion about how amateurs sometimes can catch mistakes that experts miss because they are looking at something with unbiased eyes. Often experts expect something to be a certain way, so they don’t read information carefully, glossing over details that they perceive as correct. Lot of interesting things to ponder, but to be honest, I feel like this book could also have been just as useful if it had been a podcast or magazine article as well.
Mad About You by Mhairi McFarlane – This book was my 13 year old’s suggestion. It’s one of those books that is marketed as a romance, but really the romance aspect is secondary to the main character figuring out their life. Wedding photographer Harriet calls off her wedding to a perfect on paper man and moves in with Cal Clark who is also reeling from a broken engagement. Cal is a conveniently nice and sweet guy, but he’s the least interesting part of the book – he’s kind of a narrative box checker. The meat of this novel is about how Harriet, with the help of her friends, learns to free herself from the trauma of past relationships and help others do the same. The best parts of the book, I thought, were those friendships, and also I admit, I did love the details of her job as a wedding photographer. When I asked the 13 year old what she liked about this book, she said she liked that the romance wasn’t the main point, but that a lot of the book was about Harriet figuring things out for herself. I thought that was a pretty cool observation on her part.
A Tempest of Desire by Lorraine Heath, read by Will Watt – This romance novel tells the story of Marlowe, a famous courtesan (though really, she’s 22 years old and has only had one lover in her life, so I felt like courtesan is kind of a misnomer). Marlowe flies hot air balloons as a hobby, and during one stormy flight, she crash lands on the island of Viscount Langdon. They shelter together until the storm passes and then have to navigate their mutual attraction once they return to London society. I think there were a lot of great character details – Marlow’s impoverished childhood, Langdon suffering from an affliction as a result of a train accident – all of it well researched and detailed. The plot itself is pretty slight, and the ending rather abrupt, but I still enjoyed it. Truth, though, the appeal of this book was 95% Will Watt’s narration. He just has the kind of voice that you can sink into and he imbues every word with a panoply of emotion and intent. This is one of those romance novels that are part of a huge series, and every character that seemed interesting probably has their own book.
The Crucible by Arthur Miler – LA Theatre Works production – This wasn’t strictly a book, but an audio version (borrowed via Libby) of the famous play. I had, shockingly, never read the play; it wasn’t required reading in high school. Early this year, a theatre friend of mine was singing the praises of the play John Procter is the Villain, now on Broadway, and I confessed:
Since the opera version is on the horizon for me, I thought it a good a time as any to finally discover Miller’s iconic work. It’s all kinds of messed up, isn’t it? I just felt icky at the end. Which I guess is kind of the point. I love LATW production of plays – I should listen to more of them.
On my Proverbial Night Stand (I realize that a lot of these books were in progress last month too…) Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela – I’ve been reading 15-20 pages of this book every day because I am detirmined to finish it before out trip to South Africa. It’s really gripping and inspiring.
Three Bags Full by Leonie Swan – Sheep solve mysteries I’m having a really hard time concentrating on this book, to be honest. But when I do managed to have a big chunk of time to give this book, I love it.
The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencio, read by the author – I saw this book in an interview with Jose Andres as the book he most wished he could require the President to read. It tells about how illegal immigrants are inextricably woven into the fabric of our lives in America. The narration is a little dry, but the stories open my eyes and break my heart.
On another note….
Anyone want to recommend a book to read during my trip to South Africa? Things that check boxes for a vacation read for me:
Gripping, immersive plot. (I like good writing and character driven books too, but for travel I definitely want a page turner)
Average length – not too long (don’t want to pack a huge tome), not too short (or else I’ll finish it too soon.)
Characters who are smart and trying to do the right thing, whatever that means to them.
I like most fiction genres. Memoir or narrative non fiction also would be of interest. Fantasy or Sci-fi if there isn’t too much world building.
Bonus points if it’s set in South Africa or London, written by an underrepresented demographic, has a bit (or a lot) of romance, or looks at a kind of niche subject/location/historical period.
Books I’ve read in the past that I would consider perfect for vacation: The House on the Cerulean Sea, Where’d You Go Bernadette?, Agatha Christie novels, The Great Believers, Hunger Games Trilogy, Ministry of Time, Fleishman is in Trouble, Harlem Shuffle, The Monsters We Defy, Nothing to See Here.
Things I don’t care for: -Unreliable narrators -Suicide, sexual assault, or graphic violence
Last week was a very Maycember week. The 13 year old’s swim team practice started, though it was really cold and rainy and she ended up only going to one practice. I had an unusually full week of work as the opera season wound down – I worked on a workshop of a piece we’re doing next Spring; we’re commissioning a new book and new arrangements. The workshop was a very fly by the seat of my pants affair – the first day I climbed the equivilent of 20 flights of stairs as I ran around making things were happening that needed ot happen – in the end, though, it was fun to see as new show all come together. We also had feedback and post mortem sessions at work where we talked about how things went on the last show. I really appreciate how everyone spoke frankly and with open minds. I had lunch with my dad one day, which was nice because my parents often want to come help out when the Husband has to essentially solo parent during my busy times at work so when they are here, I don’t get much one on one time with them because I’m always at work. I’m glad my dad and I made time to have lunch.
Friday night was the piano recital for both the 8 year old and the 13 year old. I had to work on Friday – we did end of season feedback sessions – and barely made it to the recital in time. This is probably the last year that the 13 year old will play in the younger kids’ recital, which means two recitals for us from here on out- one for the oldest and one for the middle kid.
Saturday was First Communion for the 8 year old. When the oldest had first communion it was during COVID, and the church was much less crowded than this time. I was not prepared for the sheer mass of humanity that filled the church on Saturday morning. Because our church has such an international congregation, the readings were done in English (the Husband did the first reading!), French, and Spanish. (I said to the Husband that we should have sent the 8 year old to French religious ed classes!). But the other fun thing was the pageant of international fashion on display – saris and dashikis and caftans in bright and bold hues. Hats and high heels. People really brought it, and I loved seeing it all.
After the service, we went home, had a quick family meeting, and then went out to lunch. I was then anticipating a lazy afternoon at home, but the weather had other issues. There was a tornado warning in our area and a whole lot of rain in a very short amount of time. Mid afternoon, my father texted that there was water in his basement unit. The husband and I grabbed armfuls of towels and headed over to my father’s house where we spent the next hour and a half cleaning up water. Not originally on my Bingo card for the day, but what can you do?
Once we got everything cleaned up, we raced to pick up pizza and went home to throw towels into the laundry and then change into nice clothes because the Husband, the 13 year old and I had tickets to the opera that night. My father was going to stay home with the two little kids for pizza and movie night. It was a mad rush to get to the theatre and we actually missed the first ten minutes or so of the show. Funny story, though, I got to the theatre and realized that I didn’t have my glasses with me; I was wearing my sunglasses! I found out later that the glasses were in the sunglass case and had fallen out of my purse during the mad water/pizza/clean up episode. Well, I guess my options were to take my sunglasses off and watch the opera in a blur – I told the Husband that after all, isn’t opera about the music? – or wear the sunglasses for the show. I chose the latter and the opera had a lovely sepia tinged quality to it.
Sunday was the usual mix of activities – Agility class and then skating. This Sunday, however, we also had the 13 year old’s voice recital right after skating. It was one of those days where everyone just piles in the van and gets to go to each other’s activities.
While the little kids skated, the 13 year old and the Husband and I had a lovely little walk on the trail next to the rink. I am becoming acutely aware that our time with the oldest is growing shorter and shorter. She was an only child for the first five years of her life and I think we all miss the days when it was just the three of us. Rose coloured glasses and all that, but there was something really sweet and fun about those times. I love our family unit of five, yet at the same time, anytime we can have moments of what we like to call “the original” family, it feels really special.
The voice recital was lovely – I like how her voice teacher frames it as just another chance to practice. We practice technique and we also practice singing in front of people. After the recital we went to an early dinner at a Mediterranean/kabob place. It was super tasty – I got the Mediterranean platter which had salad, grape leaves, falafel, hummus, and white bean salad. Then we went home and finally felt like we could rest. Well, first there were baths and Bluey and then bedtime for the kids. While I took care of that, the Husband drove my father to the airport as he was headed home. He had been staying here in Maryland since the beginning of May and it was so nice to have him in the fabric of our lives.
Anyhow, we’re now into a new month! June! That interstitial time between the end of a school year and the beginning of the next one. Reflecting on the month that was…
May highlights: -My parent’s visit -Lots of social plans – Happy Hours, lunches, walks, BBQs. I feel like after 6 intense weeks of work, I finally emerged and started to re=form ties with people. -Phone chat with my friend A. who is currently living abroad. -Closing my show. -The end of opera season. -Some good feedback and post-mortem sessions at work. Some new ideas for improvement that I’m looking forward to implementing. -At work, a workshop for an opera we’re doing next season. I very rarely get to see a work at this ground level of development and it’s kind of exciting, but also a lot of work. -Going to the opera with the Husband and 13 year old. -Hiking with the family on Memorial Day weekend. -A new pope! And he’s American! -Local street fair with the kids – it was overwhelming at first, but then settled into a wonderful afternoon. -Started to watch the new season of Pokerface with the Husband. -Watching the 13 year old in her middle school musical. -The 5 year old got baptized and the 8 year old had his first communion. – Being home in the evenings. -Piano recitals. Voice recitals. -Reading lots of books. None of them particularly spectacular, but all very entertaining. -The weather turning towards spring/summer -Continuing my yoga streak – I’ve only missed one day so far this year, and it was a day I was travelling. -Went to the dentist for my cleaning.
May lowlights: -The ongoing situation of uncertainty and anxiety at work and in Washington DC in general. I know this is on the list every month this year so far, but I’m afraid the month it doesn’t make the list is the month that I delude myself into thinking this is a kind and inclusive way to go about things. -Sometimes parenting is HARD. I never know what the right thing to say is. I worry about how my kids will navigate life if I don’t get things right. (I mean, I know that nothing is going to 100% be my fault, but it’s a hard message to internalize.) -Water in the basement at my parents’ house. Ugh. What a mess. We’re going to do some work in the yard to fix the drainage. -The Maycember frenzy. All the good and fun things I listed under “highlights” were indeed highlights. But having them all packed into one month was exhausting.
Looking Forward To, the June Edition: -The 5 year old’s preschool moving up ceremony. She’ll be off to kindergarten. -South Africa! It’s really happening. I’m super excited. We also just found out that we’ll have lengthy layovers in London Heathrow, so our tour company has given us permission to go into London for a few hours. It’s like having a bonus trip! -Evenings at the pool. I’ve decided that I’m going to swim laps while the little kids are in pre-team. I haven’t been running lately; due to my own inertia, I find it hard to motivate myself to run when my day is not broken up into blocks the way it is when I am in rehearsals. So swimming while the kids are in pre- team hands me a block of time to fill. -The end of the school year. I took a gig on the actual last day of school for the two older kids and then I’ll be in South Africa for the 5 year old’s last day of preschool. I’m trying to not be too sad about not being there for thee milestones. I have to remind myself that it’s just a blip in the life of my kids and they probably won’t remember that I wasn’t there this one year. They’ll remember if I’m never there for these things. Show up when you can, I guess. -Wrapping up at work – archiving, tying up some loose ends. -A bonus day with the kids – they are off school. I’m a little irked that there is.a day off of school less than two weeks before school ends, but actually, it’s Eid. The 13 year old wants to make tanghulu – a candy coated fruit that is very popular at Taiwanese night markets. Wish us luck!
Grateful for: -That the 5 year old likes to take her medicine. I mentioned last week that the 5 year old had a swollen eye and the doctor put her on antibiotics. Maybe it was the Kit Kats we used as a bribe, but the 5 year old was so eager to take her medicine. She was constantly reminding us that it was medicine time, bringing it to us, asking how many doses she had to take. Then she developed a technique to swallow the medicine while tasting it as little as possible. It was all so easy. The two older kids would regularly refuse and then vomit up their medicine, so this was a nice change of pace.
-The rain. Yes, it did flood the basement, but it also took all the humidity out of the air, leaving some beautifully clear and bracingly crisp mornings.
-The wet dry vac. Speaking of the rain. So glad we had this to clean up the water.
-Wifi at work. The first time I ever did a new opera workshop was in 2012 and we did not have wifi at work. Furthermore, because we work for a quasi federal institution, they did not permit flash drives on work computers. There was one computer in our whole rehearsal studio that you could stick a flash drive into if you wanted to print new material from the composer. All this to say, when you’re working on a new piece and the composer or librettist says, “I have new pages. How can we print the for the cast?” – it is so much easier to do this now that the creatives can hop on wifi and email the new pages to me to print.
-Rain coat, rain boots, and umbrellas.
-My father. I’m sure he could always pull the “I’m 80 years old” card and opt out of playing with my kids or walking the mile from his house to ours every day or cleaning up the water in his basement. But he does all that and more with a cheerful disposition.
-Key lime pie. Because it is delicious.
-These sparkly sneakers. They make the 13 year old so happy and they go with everything. She wore them with her fancy recital dresses and also with her denim shorts. And she made up a song about them, singing, “I love my beautiful bedazzled shoes,” over and over again.
What we ate – I think the Husband cooked all the meals last week because I didn’t get home until past dinner time all last week.
Tuesday: Taco Tuesday. Ground beef tacos
Wednesday: Tortellini and red sauce.
Thursday: Bahn mi sandwiches from our favorite Vietnamese take out place. These are seriously so delicious and simple.
Friday: Sandwiches (PB& J, Ham, Turkey) and leftovers after the piano recital. It was nearly 8pm when we got home from the piano recital, so we just threw together the easiest of easy here.
Saturday: pizza (take out) and Frozen II. It was supposed to by my father’s turn to choose the movie, and given that last time it was his movie night he chose Chariots of Fire, I would hazard a guess that someone changed their mind about what movie would be fun for an 8 year old and a 5 year old to watch.
Sunday: Mama’s kabobs – we went out to eat after the voice recital. The food was delicious.
Hope you have a lovely weekend. What do you have going on? We have a soccer game, and then the usual agility class for the 5 year old. Is there skating? I can’t remember… And I imagine we’ll go to mass in there at some point. In between things I want to sit down and write a packing list with the 13 year old for South Africa.
Do you remember life before wifi? Is there anything sparkly in your closet? How was your May? What does June look like?
For the past year or so I’ve been driving what I like to call The Husband’s car. You might recall, I used to drive a 20 year old Subaru Legacy Wagon that was on its last legs. The Husband and I eventually decided that I should start driving my Husband’s Subaru Impreza as a way to wean me off my 20 year old vehicle.
Little Red, as we call it – the van is Big Red – is a manual car. When we first bought it in 2012, the Husband very much wanted a manual car. I had never driven a manual car before we got Little Red. I remember my parents driving them when I was growing up. And then when it came time to buy my first car we thought about getting a manual car because it was cheaper, but my mother, who was car shopping with me, couldn’t remember how to drive a stick shift, so we went with an automatic. I had a friend/ work colleague who drove me home after rehearsals a lot and she had a manual car. She said something that really stayed with me. She told me her father had insisted she and her siblings learn to drive manual cars because he didn’t ever want them to be stuck somewhere and unable to get home because they didn’t know how to drive a stick shift.
When we got Little Red, the Husband taught me how to drive. It was rough learning. I remember I used to drive around the neighborhood in the middle of the day when there was no traffic, just so I could practice.
Anyhow, I wouldn’t say I’m amazingly smooth at driving a manual car, even after 12 years. Just earlier this year I had to call the Husband to get the car out of a parking spot in front of the pre-school because I had parked on a bit of a downward hill and was too close to the car in front of me. I had tried for ten minutes to pull the car out, but I couldn’t get the right rhythm of releasing the clutch and reversing without the car rolling. (Okay, side note – I found this really annoying – the guy who owned the car in front of me at one point came out of his house and came up to look at his rear bumper. I’m guessing he was making sure I hadn’t hit his car. Then he went back into his house. I really wanted to ask him just to move his car forward so I could have a bit of extra breathing space to pull my car out.).
Despite all that, I’m really glad that I learned how to do it. One thing I like about driving a manual car is that it keeps my mind engaged; I have to be very mindful of what I’m doing and the circumstances around me. No wool gathering while I drive.
Because of having to really think about what I’m doing while I drive, and also because I’ve sat in a lot of rush hour traffic the past few years, I often find myself contemplating how things I think about while driving also can apply to life. Here are some life lessons I’ve realized while driving Little Red.
Leave lots of space. The thing with a manual car is that if you don’t shift correctly, the car will often roll back or lurch forward. Also you can’t really stop it as quickly as you can an automatic car. Well, I guess you can, but it’s really unpleasant – stopping the car quickly is a bit of a mental shift for me (clutch or brake? or both?), and it can be very jarring if I don’t do it right. So I’ve learned that when driving it’s good to leave space so I don’t have to do anything too suddenly if I don’t have to. In life too, it’s good to leave room in case you want to roll something back or if you need to stop suddenly. Don’t pack life so close that you can’t do those things.
Give people grace – you might not know what’s going on. I feel like people who don’t drive manual cars don’t really understand the multi-step process that driving a manual car takes. There have been many times when I’ve stalled the car at a stop sign or stop light, and then people honk at me when I don’t move quickly enough for their tastes. I really hate being honked at while trying to restart my car. Or once time, I had someone come up to me and say, “I think your parking brake is on” when really I was on an incline and having a bit of difficulty getting the rhythm of releasing the clutch and gunning the accelerator. The nice young man meant well – when he realized that I was driving a manual car, he apologized. These days, when the light turns green and the car in front of me doesn’t go immediately, I remind myself to be patient because it might be because the driver has stalled their car, like I’ve done many times. Everyone deserves grace over aggressive car honking be it at a stop light or any other time in life.
Related – ignore the honking and concentrate on the task at hand. When I’ve stalled and there’s a long line of cars behind me, I start to get a little anxious, feeling bad for holding up traffic. And when the honking starts, it compounds my anxiety. But then I have to take a deep breath, tune out all the noise and just concentrate on getting the car started again. I channel this concentration often at work – when I have a particularly difficult sequence to call, I can’t let myself be distracted by everything going on around me – I focus on the music and the cues and hone on in what needs to be done. Silence the internal and external critics because I know how to get the car started, the show on, my child to calm down. There is strength in knowing what to do.
Slow and steady beats fast and jerky. When I’m in rush hour traffic, I’ve learned that it’s better put the car in 2nd gear and go slowly and consistently than be constantly shifting into a higher gear and accelerating to match the stop and go pace of the cars around me. Sure I could move a little faster if, but then I inevitably will have to stop or downshift when I get too close to the car in front of me; constantly speeding up and slowing down is tiring and more often than not I end up stalling the car because I don’t shift fast enough. Like the tortoise, it’s better to go at a consistent slower pace. There is no need to rush. Rushing takes a lot more mental energy and will just make me frustrated when I have to slow down anyway. I think of this in regards to my career- I sometimes feel jealous of people whose careers move in leaps and bounds. But I have to remind myself that I am the head of my department because I climbed the ladder slowly and didn’t let myself get burnt out by moving to big projects too quickly.
Listening is important. There are some standard speeds for when to shift, but it’s also important to listen to the car as well. If it sounds like the car is working too hard, it often means I’m in the wrong gear and need to shift. Listening is such an important part of figuring out where things need to be – I find this is also true with people.
Sometimes you just need to be neutral. Okay, this one is actually a pretty terrible habit while driving stick shift – I probably put the car into neutral when going downhill more than I should. So this is perhaps not a good metaphor, but it’s something I often think about when shifting to neutral. You have to be in neutral when the car is at a stop light or the car will stall. (Unless you keep your foot on the clutch, but that’s not a great habit either.) Often when I’m sitting in neutral, I think about what “being neutral” means in life – when is it best to take a step back and observe in order to keep the engine of things going? Also – I have a terrible poker face so my face is very rarely in neutral.
But…. You can’t go uphill in neutral. Something that goes hand in hand with that last point. I’m still not the best at starting the car on an incline – Any tips for me? – but I have learned through trial and error that you can’t go uphill in neutral, though you can go downhill. How true is that for so many things? To move forward and make progress you need to put the car in a gear – be bold, make decisions. Not taking a stand can often lead to being idle or backsliding, or just gunning the accelerator unnecessarily. On that note – don’t gun the accelerator unless you know what gear you’re in. To climb mountains you need to be in the right gear and give things the right push at the right time.
I don’t know how long we’ll have a manual car. The oldest will learn to drive in a few years and while I like the idea of her learning to drive a manual car, it seems impractical. The current car is 13 years old, but it still runs well (Thank you, Subaru). Either way, I’m glad Little Red is in our life and that it has made me contemplate so many things in life.
Did you ever learn to drive a manual car? What is the best advice you’ve been given about driving? What do you think about when driving? When do you feel like you most need grace? Are you good at being in neutral?
