Books Read in March 2021

The Stationary Shop by Marjan Kamali read by Mozan Marno – Lovely lovely book about two teenagers who meet in a stationary shop in Tehran and fall in love. They are separated on the eve of their marriage and the novel tells about how their lives play out – the choices and non-choices that shape how our paths unfold. Sometimes I find coincidences in books elegant and sometimes predictable and clumsy. This book was somewhere in between – predictable yet elegant.

The Heartbeat of Wounded Knee by David Treuer – 16h, 15m. Treuer writes about the history of Indians in America after Wounded Knee, basically taking up where Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee ended, but also trying to break down the mythology of that book. He details the difficulties of integrating cultures and how crushing a dominating group can be. At the same time he wants people to understand Indians not merely by their history, but also by their present. “Less and less,” he writes, “do we define ourselves by what we have lost, what we have suffered, what we have endured.”

One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London – 5h 10m. Contemporary romance novel about a plus sized blogger who writes a scathing post about a Bachelor-type tv program and then gets picked to be their next star. Although it is marketed as a romance novel, I find the whole reality tv Bachelor star idea inherently unromantic. Also, the book is not really about her finding love, but about her finding herself. I know a lot of people loved this book, and I really liked the premise, but ultimately I was pretty lukewarm about it.

Recipe for a Perfect Wife by Karma Brown – 4h 23m. This novel is about Alice Hale, an aspiring writer, who moves with her husband from Manhattan to a house in the suburbs. There is a parallel story of the previous owner, a 1950s housewife. Both women are struggling with achieving an ideal domesticity, something that is both appealing and suffocating to them.

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig – 4h, 8m. The main character in this book tries to commit suicide and ends up in this purgatory-like library where the books are alternate versions of her life. I think I preferred Haig’s How to Stop Time over this book – while both books grapple with existential questions about one’s life choices, How to Stop Time was better plotted. This book felt a little too wrapped up in the idea of exploring alternative lives, and there was very little momentum to the story.

Fashionopolis: The Price of Fast Fashion and the Future of Clothes by Dana Thomas – hard copy. Thomas looks at the impact of the clothing industry on the economy, the environment, and the people who make our clothes. While the effects of keeping up with our insatiable appetite for clothing are pretty damaging, Thomas also explores how people and companies are coming up with kinder, more sustainable ways to keep ourselves clothed. Even looking at my closet, I can absolutely see how the fashion industry is so huge and pervasive. I wish that the solutions that Thomas highlights weren’t so high end. It seems that sustainable fashion – like so many other sustainable choices before us (Tesla, anyone?) – are only within the reach of those with money. The wasteful and poor quality clothes, the cheap stuff that doesn’t last – there is a market for it, and that isn’t something that can be solved with $400 eco-friendly jeans.

Holes by Louis Sacher – read aloud with the nine year old. I really enjoyed this book – it was clever, engaging and poignant. A hugely satisfactory read.

Books read in February 2020

A good month for reading – lots of audio books!

Dear Mrs. Bird by AJ Pearce, read by Anna Popplewell – Light hearted novel set in London during WWII, about a young lady who aspires to be a journalist, but ends up writing for a women’s magazine and secretly answering letters from readers. It was a light story, in that stiff upperlip British way where tragedy comes and goes but everyone manages to keep going with their lives.

Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube by Blair Braverman – 6h 39mins. Braverman is a dogsledder and journalist and in this memoir, she recounts her personal journey as a young adult as she moves from cold environment to cold environments. There was something really immediate about reading this book as we went through a cold, snowy snap – I kept thinking, “Well at least it’s not so cold here that the dog food freezes before you can get it from the boiling pot to the dog bowl.” I envy her bold sense of adventure and her fearless impulses, but at the same time, there were moments when I seriously questioned her judgement and some of her recollections it made me nervous for young women trying to assert themselves in a world that still wants to make them victims in so many ways.

Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Anker – (hard copy). I enjoyed this book more than an other I’ve read in a long time. One day Toby Fleishman’s ex-wife just drops their two kids off with him and then goes AWOL. The novel follows Toby as he tries to juggle family, work, and love life while trying to figure out what happened to his ex-wife. I first hear about it on the Everything is Fine podcast, on an episode when they talked about how wonderful it was to read a book where middle aged women were seen as having an advantage over younger women. Books about midlife crises and suburban moms sometimes really grate on me; I often find them full of privilege and self indulgence. But for some reason this one really resonated with me. I felt so understood from the moment in the first chapter that the main character says:
“I was now what was a called a stay-at-home mother, a temporary occupation with no prospect of promotion that worked so hard to differentiate itself from job-working that it confined me to semantic house arrest, though certainly I was allowed to carpool and go to the store.”
I think this book perfectly captures the ridiculous yet heartfelt angst of trying to get through life as an adult, the confusion of waking up one day in a life that you don’t quite understand, even though you feel like you did all the right things. This book was one of those “neglect your children for an afternoon so you can finish it” experiences for me.

A Rule Against Murder by Louise Penny – 7h 49m Book four of the Inspector Gamache series. I wasn’t entirely convinced about how the mystery itself played out, but I really enjoyed the way Penny gradually reveals characters and their backstories. I’ve been working my way through this mystery series. There is a certain laconic pacing that makes for slow reading, but that is part of the reason I find these books such a comfort read.

The Good Neighbor:The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King read by Levar Burton – I really enjoyed listening to this audiobook. Growing up, we didn’t have a television until I was seven years old, but I do remember watching some of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. I remember actually being quite unnerved by the puppets. Hearing about how Fred Rogers came to create his famous television program and the philosophies behind his work, made me think about the choices I myself make with my children, particularly this pandemic year where we are re-thinking what we want as an educational experience for our children. Rogers’ insistence that a child’s emotional well being should be prioritized above learning numbers and letters, helped me tamp down any anxiety I might have over a “missing year” with the schools being closed.

Utopia for Realists by Rutger Bregman, read by Peter Noble – I tend to be left leaning, no surprise there, so a lot of the ideas presented in this book by the Dutch historian and writer are kind of my catnip. Universal basic income, open borders, fifteen hour work week, etc. I mean this book is pretty much preaching to the choir here, though I do appreciate knowing that Bregman presents research to show that such things are actually beneficial and not just pipe dreams. He also attributes the left’s inability to bring about change to their lack of radicalism, pointing out that Trump found a lot of support in the far right wing because his rhetoric was so outlandish. Bregman urges the left to be just as outlandish and crazy as the right – the anemic, polite posturing will not shift any needles. Food for thought.

Books Read January 2021

More books read than normal, but I think most of the were leftover from last month; the first three books I finished in the first ten days of the new year.

Disoriental by Negar Djavodi – 9h 51 m. The story of an Iranian family who flees to Paris and the journey of the youngest daughter to self discovery – finding her way as an immigrant and as a gay woman. This is one of those books that I started without reading the back cover – it had been on a list of recommended books in translation – and as a result I wasn’t quite sure where the book was going for a while. The book jumps back and forth in time and was a little slow to get started for me, but once the threads came together it coalesced into a really touching story of family and immigration and identity. I was really drawn to the idea the narrator struggles with how to find a place in a new country without losing her heritage: “Because to really integrate into a culture, I can tell you that you have to disintegrate first, at least partially, from you own”

The Mothers by Britt Bennett – 5h 18m. I picked this one up after reading the Vanishing Half, Bennett’s bestseller from last year. This novel is about three friends and the ebb and flow of their relationship and how friendships can unravel even while being intertwined. Absorbing story.

How to Eat by Mark Bittman and David L. Katz, M.D. -(hard copy, so no time tracking) I’ve long been a fan of Mark Bittman’s super simple and accessible approach to feeding ourselves. This book, taken from a New York Times column that he and Katz wrote, cuts through a lot of the buzzy food research to distill what we do truly know about healthy food choices. The takeaway: eat a diet primarily of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, beans and nuts. I liked how they really talked about the flaws in scientific research; most food news is so sensationalist and there are no magic foods. They also make the point that the standard American diet is so detrimental to begin with that even minor changes to replace processed food in one’s diet would be a marked improvement. Reading this book really simplified healthy eating for me.

On Being 40(ish) edited by Lindsey Mead – a collection of essays about… being 40 (ish). Some of the essays spoke to me more than others. The existential angst of privileged people (of which I am sometimes guilty) gets a little tedious to read sometimes. But some standouts: Catherine Newman’s essay of friendship told through clothing was a beautiful tribute to her friend. Sophronia Scotts piece “I don’t have time for this” was just the anti-wallowing slap in the face that I needed. Jessica Lahey’s writing about mentoring at risk youth had some good lessons about connecting and the importance of a moment. “If I’m present enough,” she writes of her students, “and empathetic enough, an attosecond can expand to contain multitudes, to encompass their painful past and shape our possible future together. ”

The State of Affairs by Esther Perel – audio book narrated by the author. In this book the famous sex therapist examines cheating in an attempt to understand why people cheat, and perhaps lay out some lessons to be found in infidelity. She examines the motives and emotions behind people who cheat and people who have been cheated on and people who have been cheated with. One thing she says, that really struck me, was that people these days don’t usually cheat because they are unhappy, but rather because they think the could be happier. Of course there was something a little titillating about reading a book that gets into the weeds of infidelity, but ultimately for me, it made cheating just seem like something that took a lot of mental and emotional work.

Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn – 6h 27m. Contemporary romance about Meg, an in demand hand-letterer and the uptight financier Reid who helps her get over her creative block. Sweet and funny. I thought Reid was a perfectly lovely hero in the Mr. Darcy mold. Actually I found him more interesting than Meg and at times I wish the novel weren’t in first person narrative so I could be hin his head more. (side note: why are so many fiction written in first person? It’s on my list to find some non-first person novels to read). The details about hand lettered signs and the stationary business were a fun deep dive.

Books Read December 2020 + 2020 media diet favorites

Blame it on Christmas stress, blame it on endless scrolling of news… I don’t know, for whatever reason I didn’t get a whole lot of reading done in December. I did get most of the way through Braiding Sweetgrass, which was an amazing read, but then had to return it to the library, so it didn’t make the December list. But hopefully soon.

Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya – 6h 15 m. I can’t remember why I had put this book on my holds list, but I didn’t read the “back” before I started, so it was a little slow to start for me, as I tried to figure out what story was being told. It ostensibly tells the story of Ultima, a mystical elderly lady who comes to live with the family of Tony Marez, a six year old boy. I really liked how this book explored how Catholicism and a more pagan spiritualism can be so divisive yet also can coexist. One of my favorite passages:
“But from my father and Ultima I had learned that the greater immortality is in the freedom of man, and that freedom is best nourished by the noble expanse of land and air and pure, white sky.”

How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with Your Kids by Carla Naumburg – 3h, 26m. I think I had higher hopes for this book, but it turns out it was not so much about how you relate to your children, but how you manage your own moods and frustrations. Basically the take away is: stop being so distracted, put down your phone, and get more sleep. And while these are definitely things I am working on and it’s a worthwhile message, I was hoping for a book with magical solution for getting my kids to pay attention to what I say. I’m not sure that book actually exists.

American Spy by Lauren Wilkinson – Audiobook read by Bahni Turpin. This was an engrossing novel about Marie Mitchell, a young black intelligence officer who is sent to an African country to assist with a covert plan of American interference. Part spy novel, part romance, part family drama I was utterly absorbed. I almost wished I had read the book rather than listened to it.

The Wondrous and Tragic Life of Ivan and Ivana by Maryse Conde, Translated by Ricahrd Philcox – 6h 54m. We’ve been getting The Week magazine and I alway like reading the book recommendations. This title came to me off a list of recommended works in translation. The book tells the story of twins Ivan and Ivana as they travel from their home in Guadalupe to Africa to France, their lives diverging and converging yet always intertwined as they try to figure out how to live a good life. The language is very spare, but elegant and descriptive. The characters lack introspection, which sometimes annoys me in books, but I didn’t mind it here. It’s as if these characters were inadvertently caught up in a hurricane of human events and never had time to process them. Wondrous and tragic, indeed.

This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger – audio book read by Scott Brick – The Depression era story of four orphans who escape a Native American reform school and set off on an epic journey to find home. The main character had an almost cliched inability to trust other people which was a huge plot motivator, but also somewhat frustrating for me. But aside from that, this was a good story, well told – spun with enough tension to draw the listener/reader along, and peopled with complex, flawed, but surprisingly sympathetic characters.

2020 Media Recap

I probably read more last year than ever before: 50 books, and 18 audiobook. I think this was partly the pandemic, but I also tried really hard to read more rather than scroll. Around the summer, I put some time limits on my phone so that if I picked up my phone after 10pm, the easiest thing to do was read. I also liked tracking how much time it really takes to finish a book – usually 6-10 hours. Realizing the actual time commitment of a book, helped me realize that it is absolutely something that I can fit in and finish. Maybe in 2021 I will pick a truly lengthy tome.

Anyhow, some highlights of media consumed in 2020:

Books:
The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai – deeply touching story which makes you think about what we have time for and what we don’t in this life.
And Now We Have Everything by Meaghan O’Connell and A Life’s Work by Rachel Cusk- essays on motherhood that really resonated with me
Shrill by Lindy West – dissecting what is funny and how to stand up when things aren’t.
No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder- eye-opening book about domestic violence as told through many lenses.

Some delightful picture books we read this year:
A Big Bed for Little Snow by Grace Lin – a little boy and the joy of jumping on beds.
King Arthur’s Very Great Grandson by Kenneth Kraegel- a six year old descendant of King Arthur goes in search of adventure and finds surprising things.
Green Pants by Kenneth Kraegel – the joy of doing our own thing, but also the hard choices of doing things for others.
So many more, but I didn’t keep track….. Maybe I should start doing that….

Theatre:
Jane Eyre from The National Theatre – my favorite book, brought to stage in such a dynamic, brilliant, and passionate production.
The Metropolitan Opera nightly streams. So many great operas and their At Home Gala was particularly fun and insightful.
Opera Lafayette’s The Blacksmith filmed on a ranch in Colorado. Whimsical, inventive and a does of happiness.

Podcasts:
On Being with Krista Tippett – such contemplative, exploratory and wise convresations – particularly this episode with Jane Goodall and this one with Bryan Stevenson.
Elaine Paige on Sunday for the unabashedly sentimental music of musical theatre.
Chompers – brilliant idea: a two minute tooth brushing podcast for kids.

Books read in November 2020

How to Stop Time by Matt Haig – 6 h 7 mins. Lovely, light read about a man who ages so slowly that he has been alive for centuries. The book explores the ideas of family and history and time and perspective. I enjoyed the speculative history parts, particularly meeting Shakespeare.

Burial at Thebes by Seamus Heaney. Hard copy. Heaney’s adaptation of Euripides’ Antigone. I had wanted to read some of Heaney’s poetry, being unfamiliar with it. This play was the first thing available at the library. It read surprisingly modern, almost jarringly so. Perhaps that is because in my head the story of Antigone is an ancient one. I have vague memories of reading Anouilh’s version in high school French class. Heaney’s version focuses not so much on Antigone’s story, but rather that of Creon and his megalomania.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid – 6h 36m. Engrossing story of an aging Hollywood film star and the journalist who is helping her write her memoirs. I’m not sure if I really connected with any of the characters, but this book was really well constructed and deftly plotted. I was mesmerized and stayed up until 3am to finish it.

Poser by Claire Dederer – audiobook read by Christine Williams. I had heard an interview with Dederer on the podcast Everything Is Fine, and I thought she had a lot of very sensible thoughts about being a woman over 40. This book is a memoir told through yoga poses. She took up yoga to help with back pain that developed while breastfeeding and writes about how her yoga journey mirrored her own life’s journey. There were a lot of really thoughtful ideas about identity and how we search for identity even as it changes. I do think, though, I am getting a little fatigued with the genre of new mother personal essays. Whereas personal essays about new motherhood used to make me really feel seen and not so alone, they now feel a little cliched, and the domain of a certain demographic. Maybe I need to read about more diverse motherhood experiences?

Loveboat, Taipei by Abigail Hing Wen – 6h 48m. When I was a high school student in Southern California, people in the Taiwanese community talked about Loveboat all the time. It was a cultural exchange program in Taiwan for teenagers – not officially called Love Boat, but referred to as such for all the matchmaking that resulted in its pressure cooker of newfound independence. I never went – it sounded really intense to me. Wen’s book is a YA novel about Ever Wong, whose parents ship her off to Loveboat. There she does the requisite self discovery and flirting with romance and bonding with girlfriends. I must say this book really did make me a little nervous to have a teenager. s

Also in November, two audiobooks we listened to on our trips to the Shenandoahs, both given high approval ratings from the eight year old:
Nim’s Island by Wendy Orr, narrated by Kate Reading – I loved this adventure story featuring the resourceful Nim.
The Wild Robot by Peter Brown, narrated by Kate Atwater – Such a great story about a robot finding her way and herself with the help of a colourful cast of animal friends.

Books Read October 2020

River of Fire: On Becoming an Activist by Sister Helen Prejean – Audio book read by the author.
I had read Dead Man Walking the year the company I was working for presented the opera based on the book. What struck me about the book Dead Man Walking was how Sister Helen’s arguments against the death penalty were in large part very logical assertions grounded in the socio-economic injustices of the criminal justice system. River of Fire, however, is a more personal book; it details her childhood and how she came to enter the novitiate and the events that led up to the start of her work with death row inmates. Indeed the last line of the book is the first line of Dead Man Walking. Sister Helen is so smart, articulate, and charismatic, but also self-aware, humble and hilarious. I really enjoyed reading about how her work and life played out against the backdrop of Vatican II.

A Life’s Work by Rachel Cusk – 4h 20m. A very raw and honest account of new motherhood and how can tear you apart and then force you to rebuild yourself. I read these essays feeling as if Cusk really understood a lot of what I struggle with when I consider being a mother, particularly the sense of panic that there will never again be enough time in life. Her writing is dry to the point of being somber, but then when I read it outloud to my husband, it was actually quite funny because she captures so many of the ridiculous moments of being a parent – her account of a weekend with kids is priceless.

The Yellow House by Sarah M. Broom – 10h 22m.
“I did not yet understand the psychic cost of defining oneself by the place where you are from.”
Broom’s memoir about growing up in New Orleans East and how where you are from informs who you are. It is somewhat a misnomer to call this a memoir because it is also the story about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina – who is able to recover and who isn’t, recovery vs. abandonment. I read this while the California wildfires were raging. I was struck by how the two incidents are so much the same in terms of devastation, but so different in terms of response and recovery. It seems like we are at a point when hurricane season is barely a blip in the news cycle, even though the road to recovery for the affected areas is so much more difficult economically, socially, and politically.

A Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds – Audiobook read by the author.
This YA book is written in verse, which was one of the reasons Reynolds wanted to read the audio book himself. It is lyrical, breathless, tragic, and angry. The book takes place within the seconds that the elevator takes to travel to the ground floor as the teenage main character is on his way to avenge his brother’s death. At each floor, someone gets on, that makes him question the narrative of his life as a young black man.

The Art of Theft by Sherry Thomas – 6h 46m.
The latest installment of Thomas’ Lady Sherlock series that reimagines Sherlock Holmes as a woman. I really enjoy Thomas’ writing. Her characters are never easy to get to know or to like, which often turns me off when I’m reading fiction. Somehow, however, these characters fascinate me, and I wante to read on. This book was not as twisty as the previous ones in the series – it was actually pretty straight forward for a Sherry Thomas book.

Yes Please by Amy Poehler – Audiobook ready by the author and friends.
I like audiobooks that have a twist, and this one, with guest narrators, certainly did. I’ve never watched Parks and Rec, but this book often shows up on lists next to Tina Fey’s Bossypants. Bossypants was one of the first audiobooks that I loved – it made me laugh and laugh, and I was hoping Yes Please would be in the same vein. I didn’t love it as much as Bossypants, but I did enjoy the backstage stories and Poehler’s insights into how entertainment is made.

The Perfect Nanny by Leila Slimani (translated from the French by Sam Taylor) – 3h 50m. Unsettling novel about the relationship between two women – a nanny and the lady who hires her. I kept seeing this book pop up on “best ” lists, but I don’t think it was entirely to my taste. All the characters were really self absorbed and unpleasant, and ultimately the plot left one with more questions than answers. Perhaps that the feeling of instability is the point of the novel.

Books Read – September 2020

Not as many books read in September, mostly because one of my reads was quite intense and lengthy. I also probably did more random internet surfing this month than usual – probably a result of COVID fatigue starting to wear on me.

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson – 4h 35m. Funny, touching read. Lillian, the main character, is asked by her wealthy childhood friend to come care for her stepchildren who have a strange behavioral quirk. TBeneath this seemingly satirical story, is a contemplation of class, wealth, and how we create and maintain connections while figuring out what you really want in your life. One of my favorite quotes:
“Maybe raising children was just giving them the things you loved most in the world and hoping that they loved them too.”

Echo by Pam Munoz Ryan – Audiobook narrated by Mark Bramhall, David de Vries, MacLeod Andrews, and Rebecca Soler. This was actually a middle grade book, something I didn’t realize until I was a couple chapters in. It’s a magical, musical, and engrossing story that tells three different stories which somehow intertwine. It is a story about music, specifically a harmonica, and the people who find joy and solace in owning it. Part of the charm of the audiobook is that musical excerpts that are prominent in the story are incorporated into the audio experience.

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Brown – 15h 45m. This classic recounts the bloody, brutal, and heart-breaking story of the conflict between Native Americans and the White people who settled the American West, taking ownership of land that, to the Native Americans, didn’t really belong to anyone. In the opposition between the drive for growth and “progress” on the one hand, and peaceful earth-conscious living on the other, bloody, cruel, and desperate conflicts seemed inevitable. This was a hard book to read for me because it is hard to imagine how reparations can be made when the country that we are now is so different from the country that was taken from the Native Americans.

Limelight by Amy Poeppel – 6h 49m. Light, fun, fluffy novel about a woman who befriends a trainwreck of a pop star about to make his Broadway debut. She attempts to help him get his life on track, while trying to keep her own life together. The scenes that took the reader into the rehearsal process made me miss work and the excitement and energy of creating theatre.

Books Read – August 2020

I actually got a fair amount of reading done the month. A lot of the books that came off my holds list had long wait lists; there was an urgency to finish them since it would be a while until I would be able to borrow them again.

After the Wedding by Courtney Milan – 6h 24m. Milan is one of my favorite authors, and she happens to write historical romance novels. I love that her books are smart, funny, and detailed and that her characters are complex and diverse. This one was intriguing to me in that it featured a hero whose father is a Black abolitionist, though I’m not sure how realistic the hero’s experience in Victorian England was. The fact that he was Black seemed to be important and trivial at the same time. Milan’s plots have never been her strong suit, but her novels are more about characters than plot.

The Intuitionist by Colson Whitehead – 7h 43m. This was a dense, complex novel about elevator inspectors, specifically the first female Black elevator inspector in an unnamed metropolitan city. There is some brilliantly allegorical writing here.

Just Mercy by Brian Stevenson (audiobook narrated by Stevenson) – Stevenson leads the Equal Justice Initiative, which seeks to challenge inequities in the criminal justice system. A lot of his work deals with death row inmates, and people who are in prison for life – which, he phrases not as, “sentenced to life in jail”, but rather as “sentenced to die in prison.” This book is about the work he does to fight for prisoner’s rights and freedoms. His sense of compassion and ability to be clear eyed and empathetic at the same time is inspiring. Stevenson makes both gutwrenching and logical arguments for reform to the criminal justice system. He says at one point, “It is easier to be white and guilty than Black and innocent.” Another striking comment he made is how he calls anti-death penalty activists “abolitionists”. That really led me to realize that like 19th century abolitionists, these activists are looking to abolish something unfair and cruel. Years ago I read Sister Helen Prejean’s memoir Dead Man Walking, and I thought Just Mercy was similar in the way it balanced the demographic facts of death row inmates with their personal story.

Normal People by Sally Rooney – 4h 25m. A novel that follows two people from high school through graduation from college, charting the ebb and flow of their complicated relationship. Sometimes at night, after I put the three year old to bed, I lie next to him and read to myself until he falls asleep. Often he asks me to read my book aloud to him. This was one of those books. Not entirely appropriate in terms of language or situation. Oops. All in all, I was pretty lukewarm about this book. Maybe the angst of entering into one’s early twenties isn’t my favorite topic anymore. While I have great empathy for anyone going through that youthful turmoil, I’ve been there and don’t wish to return.

No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Hurt Us by Rachel Louise Snyder – 10h 26m. This was a really eye-opening book about domestic violence. Snyder looks at the issue from the viewpoint of victims, abusers, and institutions, combining research with profiles of real people. She gives a really compelling and sobering account of the reality of domestic violence and the obstacles to ending it. She really highlights how the shame, secrecy, and fear of violent relationships makes it difficult to prevent. In her view, domestic violence is a process; there are clear steps and indicators and progressions to how it plays out, often tragic ones. She advocates for implementing systems where these indicators are recognized and addressed, where women are empowered, where men are taught to resist sexist and violent cultural narratives, and where the resources of a community can work together. It was interesting to read this alongside Just Mercy – both books talk about how we as a society need to pay more attention to preventing crimes rather than reacting to tragedies.

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng – 6 h 24 m. Engrossing. This book was about the trainwreck of a family imploding, and I couldn’t put it down. Spoiler alert: I understand the Hulu adaptation starts with a mystery. The book gives away the answer to the mystery in the first chapter. (Sorry, Husband!)

On Turpentine Lane by Elinor Lipman (audiobook narrated by Mia Barron) – Breezy, funny, and light. The main character works for a private school, buys a house and life unfolds as a mysterious photo album is found in the attic. It’s a novel about sweet cute people with their sweet cute problems. Everyone is good and the dangers we face in our lives are our own inhibitions.

Good Talk: A Memoir in Conversation by Mira Jacob – 2h 35m. Graphic novel written by an Indian American author detailing conversations that she has with her mixed race son at a time when being not white can be complicated and difficult. Jacob explores questions of what it means to be a “good” minority, and how that can’t protect you when someone gets into office that preaches a rhetoric harmful to people who look like you. Her son was born when Obama was elected the first time, and of that she writes, “… and suddenly there was a new place for you in the world.” I hope I can have such honest conversations with my children as they grow.

Dear Girls by Ali Wong – 4h 54m. Funny, raw, open, and a little graphic, in this book, Wong writes a series of letters to her daughters. She muses on being the daughter of immigrants, a comedian, a woman and a mother. So much of what Wong writes in this book really resonated with me. My favorite line: “Asian women live forever, and having kids is like a 401(k) for companionship.”

Books Read in July 2020

I actually got quite a lot of reading done in July. I had books that I was really excited to read with some really powerful, forward moving narratives.

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett – 6h 24m. Novel about light skinned black twins, one of whom leaves their small Louisiana town and passes for white, and the other who returns home with a dark skinned daughter. It’s an intergenerational story. There is so much to unpack in this book about how our past is part of us, even when we re-invent ourselves. Particularly heavy is the idea of what burdens can you escape, and which ones you carry with you always especially when you are black. I also found the relationships between the characters so fascinating, and how the most “successful” couples were the ones that couldn’t get married.

Lady Be Good by Meridith Duran – 5h 32m. So one of my not so guilty pleasures is reading romance novels, mostly historical romances. I like the escapism of knowing there is a going to be happily ever after at the end, and the big emotions, that seem out of date to write about these days. I do tend to be pretty picky about which romance novels I read, though. The writing has to be smart, but not too anachronistic, and the plots not too ridiculous. The women have to be able to save themselves and the heroes can be a little tortured, but not so much that they are unkind or cliched. I had actually read this book before, but I didn’t remember that until about a third of the way through the book. But it still holds up. It’s about Lilah who works at an auction house, and Viscount Palmer, who strikes a deal with her to help him catch a crazy stalker. The plot is just minimal enough of a framework for some really great characters.

The Secret Commonwealth by Philip Pullman – audio book read by Michael Sheen. The is the second book in the Book of Dust Trilogy. Like all second books in a trilogy, it is a little unsatisfying in that you still don’t know where the story is going. But it was a good adventure and some really beautiful musings about growing up and growing apart from those you love.

Quozl by Alan Dean Foster – Hard copy, so no reading stats. Over ten years ago, my husband and I did a book swap of our favorite books as teenagers. I had him read Jane Eyre; he handed me this book. I finally got around to reading this dog-eared copy. Well, mostly. The first chapter is missing half its pages. (But then I asked myself – are the first fifteen pages of a book really that important?). Anyway it’s a story of a group of aliens that come to America and secretly settle in Idaho. It was slow to start (which I guess explains why it took me ten years to read it), but the story ended up being quite far reaching. It’s a little unsubtle in it’s criticism of human foibles, but was entertaining nonethe less. I realize that one thing I like about hard copies of books is being able to physically hold my progress in my hands.

Last Boat out of Shanghai: The Epic Story of the Chinese who Fled Mao’s Revolution by Helen Zia – 11h 37m. I picked up this book because I wanted to read a book about some part of Asian history. This non fiction book tells the story of four people who grow up as Shanghai falls to the Communists, and about each of their survival paths. I am embarrassed to say that even though my parents are from Taiwan, I know very little about the history of how Chiang Kai Shek came to bring his soldiers there and terrorized the people of the island. That is actually a very small part of the book, but I found it fascinating. I was struck by how all these events are not so far removed from us today. I mean the events in the book took place around the time my mother was born. Also – funny is that despite the different paths the people in the book took to survival, they all somehow ended up in the United States eventually. I’ve long been fascinated with stories of immigration and the things that lead people to uproot their lives and start somewhere new.

The Testaments by Margaret Atwood – 6h 58m. Sequel to the Handmaid’s Tale. This was definitely less cerebral than the Handmaid’s Tale, much more plot driven. I could definitely tell that it was written, as Atwood says, as a response to people wondering what happens at the end of Handmaid’s Tale. But I feel like that question mark at the end of the first book was what made it so successfully unsettling.

All Our Wrongs Today by Elan Mastai – Audio book read by author. An average (or really slightly less than average) son of a brilliant scientist living in a slick Utopian version of the present uses his father’s time machine to travel back in time and ends up changing the course of things to our very pedestrian present. It was trippy and a little mind bending with the concepts of time travel and changing futures, but it had a lot of humour, heart and beautiful things in it, about realizing how the things that are important should be important no matter what world we live in. It was a fun listen, and the end really choked me up.

Books Read June 2020

I didn’t get as much reading done in June as I had hoped. I think I need to be better at using reading to fill time rather than scrolling the internet. But still, some good reads. I spent much of my June reading life thinking about the advantages that I have and how hard it must be to navigate in a world in which you don’t fit into the dominant image of what a successful person looks like.

White Fragility by Robin D’Angelo – (6h 22m). I had placed this book on my holds list months ago, and ironically it came off my holds list the day George Floyd was killed. I have mixed feelings about this book in that I feel like the people who are likely to read it, probably are those who are already open to its ideas, and thus least likely to need to read it. The concept of the book feels a little like “preaching to the choir.” Also, D’Angelo defines “racism” and “white supremacy” in a way that neutralizes them, I think in an attempt to make them inclusive terms rather than divisive terms. I’m not sure that rhetoric works, though.

Reading this book is likely to be a very personal experience, and I don’t know that it’s a book one should recommend that others read- you kind of have to come to it yourself. I’m not white, but a lot of what D’Angelo writes about does hit home for me both as a POC and as a “model minority”. What I found compelling is how she asks us to recognize white as a race, recognize the implications of there being a dominant culture in this country, and recognize that those in the minority cannot enact change without the help of those in power. I wanted the book to be more useful than it was, though, I guess that actionable items was not the point of the book. It is meant to be a starting point. There was a great reading/ resource list at the back of the book, however.

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin – (time – didn’t track). I remember my brother reading this book when we were little and he raved about it. It was a smart, fun read. More timely than I would have expected.

Red at the Bone by Jacqueline Woodson – (3h 31 mins). This time/narrative bending book about three black families in Brooklyn was another hold that came through at a opportune point. Interestingly my friend was talking to me about the Tulsa race riots the day before I started reading this, and the Tulsa race riots played a formative part of the life of one family in this book. Indeed, I think a lot of this book is about how our past influences and informs our present, no matter how much we think we can strike out on our own and leave our family behind. At the same time, it is difficult to overcome generations of systemic racism and challenges without other people having faith in you. As always, when I read books, the way parenthood plays out in them resonate with me the most. I loved this quote, the father’s thoughts at a coming of age ceremony, and the encapsulation of the passage of time and stages:

“But what is the father of the child supposed to do with his hands? His big open hands. Where were they supposed to go when all they wanted was to reach out for his child, hug her, hide her from the world? These hands that learned at seventeen how to snatch smelly diapers away from her tiny body, rub A&D ointment over her rashed behind, hold her util the stinging stopped, until the crying stopped. Hold her- over his shoulder with his massive hand behind her fragile head, then on his chest, in his lap, in his arms, on his back, on his shoulders, his hand on her shoulder as she scooted too fast away from him….”

Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal, narrated by Meera Sayal – Audiobook. Fun listen, though probably a little more racy than I expected, given that I listen to audiobooks a lot around my children. But the plot, involving a woman who gets a job teaching English at her local Sikh community center, alternates heavy and light, ultimately leaning towards heavy. I liked the characters and how the book addresses the invisibility and frustration of older women.

Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman by Lindy West – (4h, 39m). Funny, but also sad and infuriating. West’s writing – about being fat, about feminism, about how dehumanizing society can be to people who don’t fit a certain mold, namely white and ideally male – is raw, powerful, dramatic, visceral. It was interesting to read Lindy Wests’s book in the current racially charged climate. Much like how racism is rooted in systematic oppression by a dominant culture, there are really strong societal prejudices against people who are overweight that put them at an incredible disadvantage. From concrete things like how things are not built to accommodate large people, and indeed there is no incentive for companies to change that, to the more subtle messaging about how overweight people are undesirable. She also writes some really powerful stuff about the white male culture of comedy and the misogyny it perpetuates. She writes for a more inclusive world, for freedom of choice, for society choosing to be better. It’s a really good book.

“The only answer is decide we’re worth helping.”