The weekend – Where the Music Comes From

I spent much of the weekend working. Yay work! I had gotten a call to do another supertitle gig, this time for a vocal recital. The contract had me create the PowerPoint for the supertitles in addition to running them during the recital. Creating the PowerPoint and putting the slide placements in my score ended up taking much of Friday night and all day Saturday. At some point, after I was deep into typing the slides for the first half of the concert, the Husband, data organization genius, figured out a way to take the translations that I was given and put them directly into the PowerPoint. It involved moving the data set (as he called the lines of text) into an Excel file, then into a Word document merge file, and then finally into the PowerPoint. While it seemed complicated, it was loads less time consuming that typing everything out. This is probably incredibly nerdy, but the Husband and I had much discussion about whether it was better to proof your data set then merge, or to merge the given data set and then correct the final PowerPoint. It is so interesting to me that even after twelve years of marriage I’m still discovering ways in which the Husband and I think differently, especially on such a conceptual level.

Anyhow, the recital itself was magical. The first half was songs by queer American and British composers, and many of the songs were favorites of mine. The second half was songs by Spanish and Latino composers and full of fun and feeling. I had forgotten how much I love a song recital – the simplicity of a singer and a pianist and the music they want to share. No sets, no costumes… just music and text and heartfelt emotions of that moment.

One of the songs in the first half was a song written by Lee Hoiby, called “Where the Music Comes From.” I had sung it when I was in college, and judging from YouTube it is extremely popular in college song recitals. Nonetheless it is one of my favorite songs; I loved the piece for it’s elegant long lines, full of hope and yearning and joy. I get the sense that in the classical music world, songs that are so unabashedly melodic are somewhat out of style – critics tend to dismiss them as artless pastiche pieces or overly sentimental. Maudlin, even. I would definitely say that “Where the Music Comes From” is sentimental, and sentimentality is perhaps frowned upon these days. People want smart and ironic and clever.

(Also, I just noticed that I had always sung the third verse incorrectly… there is a phrase of music that is just different enough from the previous two verses that you need to pay attention or you’ll sing it wrong. I had an internal mortifying moment wondering why my voice teacher and art song coach never said anything to me about this and let me perform it in a recital incorrectly!)

There is something strange about hearing someone else sing a piece that you are so intimately familiar with that it is carved into the heart of your memory. When I heard it in the recital on Sunday, I got goosebumps because it sounded familiar and new all at the same time. But – and here is the wonder of this particular singer – I have loved this song for over twenty years now, and he made me re-think the piece. (I’ve put the text below.) I had always thought of the three verses as three different wishes, but there was something about the way this singer sang the song that made me realize, that actually, it’s the same wish – the song is a wish for a place where all these things can come together.

Where the Music Comes From
Music and Text by Lee Hoiby

I want to be where the music come from,
Where the clock stops, where it’s now.
I want to be with the friends around me,
Who have found me, who show me how.
I want to sing to the early morning,
See the sunlight melt the snow:
And, oh, I want to grow.

I want to wake to the living spirit
Here inside me where it lies.
I want to listen till I can hear it,
Let it guide me and realize
That I can go with the flow unending,
That is blending, that is real;
And oh, I want to feel.

I want to walk in the earthly garden,
Far from cities, far from fear.
I want to talk to the growing garden,
To the devas, to the deer,
And to be one with the river flowing,
Breezes blowing, sky above.
And, oh, I want to love.

There is so much about the text that speaks to me, but I think listening to this now, during a pandemic where isolation is a survival tactic, I really grasp on to the imagery of needing to surround oneself with joyful nurturing things, whether it be friends or nature or even just thoughts – and being able to recognize and merge these things into your life.

Happy 2022! My year that was 2021

Happy New Year!

I started off 2022 by making some bad choices, staying up until 4am, seduced by a Law & Order marathon and then a 2am Hallmark holiday movie that was expectedly saccharine, but surprisingly engaging.

The Husband, the nine year old and I had stayed up on New Years Eve to watch the ball drop. The baby tried, but fell asleep on the couch. The four year old put himself to bed around 9:30pm, after we watched Empire Strikes Back for movie night. Everyone who was awake went to bed after the ball drop. I, of course, didn’t want to leave the baby asleep in the basement by herself… hence being sucked in by the Law & Order marathon.

When I was single, I used to watch Law & Order all the time. Not any of the spin offs, just the original. I don’t watch enough cable tv these days to watch Law & Order anymore – I feel like with all the streaming services, one has to be pretty intentional about consuming content these days, and Law & Order is one of those shows you can take for granted and never watch because it seems to always be on. But once in a while, I’ll find a marathon on and before I know it, half the day is gone. Actually, I seem to remember doing this last New Year’s Eve.

At any rate – It’s a new year, but I thought I’d look back and pick my highlight reel for 2021:

January: Positve COVID test for the baby and our first isolation experience. Two weeks. Good things: Grocery delivery, Zoom, a birthday cake sent in the mail, a new President, a multi-racial female VP, and Georgia flipping the senate. Hard things: Capitol riots on January 6th, distance learning.

February: Organizing a fun Zoom birthday party for the Husband involving Husband trivia. Taking my last milk donation to the Breast Milk Bank – kind of bittersweet, but glad to be done pumping. Good things: some wonderful snow days. The baby says, “Mama!” Hard things: distance learning.

March: Led a virtual class on stage management for kids via Zoom for a local opera company. Took the kids to stay in a Lockhouse along the C&O Canal – our first overnight since the pandemic started a year ago. Good things: The nine year old goes back to in person school, the Husband got his first dose of COVID vaccine. I finally caved and bought Airpods and it is life-changing. Hard things: Lost the four year old at Best Buy (found him again, but it was scary). Atlanta spa shootings. Favorite news story: The Ever Given stuck in the Suez canal. Riveting drama.

April: Spring trip to Longwood Gardens. Got my first vaccine shot! Good things: kite-flying and Easter eggs. the four year old staying dry at night. Listening for the first time to this little thing called Hamilton and realizing that it’s pretty good. Hard Things: homework battles.

May: Trip to the Air and Space Museum. Got my first haircut in a year and a half. Worked for pay! Work for new to me opera company and many wonderful new to me colleagues. Good things: My parents arrived to help with the kids while I worked. So grateful for them. Hard things: Working from home with a toddler (I was over a year late to this game… big hugs and high fives and all my respect to people who did it since March 2020)

June: Start in person rehearsals. How I’ve missed chorus rehearsals. Camping with the kids and my parents. Good things: joined a pool. First date night with the Husband since can’t remember when. First stop on Maryland’s Ice Cream Trail. Beautiful things: being witness to the joy and love and tears as singers and musicians make music together onstage for the first time in too too long. Hard things: commuting on the beltway after 2pm. Awkward thing: accidentally setting off the fire alarm at work by knocking over a rack of music stands.

July: Second show of my contract and reuniting with a very dear friend in the director’s chair. We’d worked together as baby ASM and baby AD and it’s almost surreal that we’re all grown up. Visit with a good friend from college. Good things: The kids got bunk beds! So many people on my local listserv offered up bed rails when I posted about needing one for the baby. Getting to swim laps in the pool during adult swim. Ted Lasso. Marina InterLibrary Loan system. Summer Olympics. Hard things: Tech. Being a landlord. My parents leaving; I’m always sad to see them go. Mosquitoes. Delta variant and never ending risk-assessment.

August: Took the kids camping by myself for three nights. Did some old fashioned back to school shopping and bought clothes for the kids (which… they have already outgrown!). The four year old went back to daycare/pre-school after 17 months away. “The kids are wild,” he says. Trip to Dutch Wonderland and Longwood Gardens – stayed in a hotel! First Day of School for the nine year old. Good things: Re-watching Pride and Prejudice – the ten hour Jennifer Ehle/ Colin Firth version. My mask making group at church getting an award of recognition from the Hospital. Free toddler play time at the local rec center. Hard Things: Nine year old’s basketball camp moving indoors because of torrential rain, and then being cancelled. Setting up tent by myself in the rain. Trying to get back into the school routine.

September: The Husband had knee surgery. Four year old sick, but thankfully not COVID. I decided to take up running. Good things: outdoor music concerts at the Golf Course on Friday nights. Apple picking. NSO in the neighborhood string quartet concert followed by the movie Soul. Nine year old’s bus stop moving to walking distance from home. Got new glasses! Hard things: Not planning well enough to complete the Maryland Ice Cream Tour. (definitely a third world problem). Fighting house clutter in an unending battle. Texas abortion laws

October: Quit Facebook, after realizing it was a toxic infinity scroll for me. Made a Millenium Falcon out of cardboard for the 4 year old and won Hallowe’en. Good Things: Malaria vaccine approved by WHO. Hammocks in the park. Hard Things: questioning whether I’ve overscheduled the kids’ weekends. Patience while parenting.

November: Longwood Gardens in the Fall. COVID vaccine for the nine year old. Tackled some big house organization projects. Good things: a visit from dear friends. Rented a concertina to try to learn how to play. Hot Pot playdate in friend’s backyard. Lots of great hikes with the baby. Hard Things: Hmmm… nothing specific, just the daily grind. My Thanksgiving apple pie had a soggy bottom… need to figure that out.

December: Gig running super titles, first time back working at and indoor venue. The baby has COVID. Again. Seems an ironic bookend to the year. Hard things: booster shot wiped me out for a little over 24 hours. Hard things: Typical holiday overwhelm. Omnicron.

Well our second year of COVID living and the end seems very much like March 2020, but I think I feel less unsure and more accepting of what risks I’m willing to take. There is work coming up in February, which is exciting and daunting, but I’m looking forward to it. Here’s hoping 2022 is exciting and boring in all the right ways!