Christmas Movies 2023 – Hallmark and such.

A snowy weekend! What better time to recap my 2023 Hallmark Holiday movie binge. As I was out shoveling the front walk yesterday, I thought, “This is one part of winter that never makes it into the Hallmark movies- the backbreaking tedium of shoveling the front walk over and over and over again. Why do I never see anyone shoveling the front walk in a Hallmark movie?” Well probably because the movies are all filmed in July and no one can convincingly shovel snow in July in Vancouver. Also on that note – where are the piles next to door of wet boots and winter coats and hats and mittens?!?!?!

The New York Times had a really fun article (gift link) about Christmas rom coms in which their reporters analyzed 424 Hallmark and Lifetime movies to see how formulaic they really were. No surprises here. We all know the answer is “extremely formulaic.” But really, the article is full of fun tidbits – like did you know that the most popular name for a Hallmark/Lifetime female lead is Emma and male lead is Jack? If you’ve never watched a Hallmark holiday movie, just read this article and you’ll be covered. But then you wouldn’t get to see all the cozy sweaters and fake snow for yourself! Also the comments on this article are GOLD.

Here are two of my favorites:
“My wife and I both enjoy these movies, but she has one of the most interesting aspects of it: how many coats can each actress wear given they arrived in their small town with a small carry-on bag. It’s hilarious. Usually 7 to 9 coats. Don’t get us wrong. We love the coats. It’s just hilarious to watch.” I WONDER THIS TOOOO!!!!

“Good research. One datapoint you seemed to have missed is those most popular male lead actors are exclusively Canadian. All of them. Sometimes in an effort to find the most “all American” person you can, you end up with a Canadian.” HAHAHAHAH

Before we get to the Hallmark – our non-Hallmark Holiday viewings this year:
-Spirited, which I think has now become a family “must see”. And the kids play the soundtrack on repeat for much of December.
-Noelle, our first time watching this Anna Kendrick movie about Santa’s daughter who leaves the North Pole in attempt to right some wrongs. I thought this was fun, girl power version of Elf.
-Elf. Classic which we watch every year. Though, to be honest, this was the first time I didn’t fall asleep before the end and whoa… it was so interesting to see the ending with Santa in New York and all that – I’d never seen that bit.
-The Man Who Invented Christmas – about Charles Dickens and writing A Christmas Carol. Surprisingly funny.
– It’s a Wonderful Life. Another of our must see classics.
-Meet Me in St. Louis. Ditto.
The family also watched Candy Cane Lane, the new Eddie Murphy movie, but I was at work that night. Apparently it was fine.

On to the Hallmark stuff. As I was drafting this, I realized I saw twenty movies this year, too many this year to go into one post – so this is post #1 of Hallmark movies.

Ice sculpture Christmas (2015): An aspiring chef teams up with a childhood acquaintance to enter an ice sculpture contest.
My catnip: This was recommended by Elisabeth and I love movies about super niche things like ice sculpting.
My take: This movie had the formula down pat – all the right rom com beats at all the right times. It’s definitely a product of early Hallmark movies in it’s blindingly white casting.
The ridiculous: Okay, any time there’s a movie where two people first meet as kids and then recognize each other years later is going to get an eye roll from me.
My favorite bits: The lady who plays the head chef, Chef Gloria, was pretty great, I thought.

A Timeless Christmas (2020) – 1903 business man travels forward in time to present day, is confused, causes confusion, and meets a lady who is in charge of the historical preservation of his estate.
My catnip: Time travel romance.
My take: I thought this one was fine – not the best time travel movie; the period parts looked a little… unconvincing.
The ridiculous: Well, time travel…
My favorite bit: This is a bit of a spoiler, but there’s actually a poignant part when the business man is angry at his 1903 fiancée for eventually marrying someone else, and then realizes that she found a man to love an have a family with after all and that he couldn’t begrudge her that. It was super sweet.

Mistletoe and Menorahs (2019) – Recommended to my by a Jewish friend as a pretty good Hannukah-ish movie. Christmas celebrating girl (is she Christian? Unclear…) needs to learn about Hannukah to impress her boss and get a big raise. Jewish boy needs to learn about Christmas to impress his girlfriend’s father.
My catnip: anything that expands the diversity of the Hallmark/Lifetime Holiday movie scope.
My take: This was cute. The leads were engaging – I especially liked the male lead because he wasn’t as slick and perfect as a typical Hallmark romantic lead.
The ridiculous: I don’t know, but letting the non-Jewish girl light the menorah at a company holiday party seems… well let’s just say I don’t imagine that’s really something I see happening. I could be wrong, though.
Favorite part: making latkes. It definitely made me want to try to make latkes.

Laughing All the Way (2023) – Comedy club faces closure if they can’t raise money so they decide to put on a variety show/gala. One of their employees, an aspiring comedian, gets a now-famous comedian who got his start at the club to headline.
My catnip: Let’s put on a show!
My take: Okay, this might be horrible of me because I did genuinely think this was a cute charming movie, but… the lead was played by the same actor who played the Jewish guy in Mistletoe and Menorahs, which I had just watched the day before. And I just kept thinking, “He doesn’t celebrate Christmas!!!” I feel like that was kind of an unreasonable reaction, but there you go…
The ridiculous: The big show is going to be presented on Christmas eve. Who goes to shows on Christmas eve? Also – it’s a comedy club, but the jokes aren’t funny.
My favorite bit: The chemistry between the two leads was adorable.

A Paris Christmas Waltz (2023): Lady quits her job to become an amateur ballroom dancer and goes to Paris with her Pro-dancer partner. Romance ensues.
My catnip: Ballroom dancing, stars of the musical theatre stage (Matthew Morrison of Glee, but also of The Light in the Piazza which I listened to constantly this summer on my commute), European locale
My take: This one was pretty bad, to be honest – the pacing and plotting was clunky, and the acting was pretty wooden – like you know how some actors just seem like they know they’re in a cliched cheesy rom-com? This was one of those movies. There was one moment when Matthew Morrison started singing and dancing with so much charm and heart, and I thought things would get better, but then they didn’t.
The ridiculous: I don’t know a lot about ballroom dancing, but some of her rehearsal outfits didn’t look practical.
My favorite bit: the aforementioned singing and dancing by Matthew Morrison.

A Biltmore Christmas (2023) – aspiring screenwriter is tasked with re-writing a classic 1950s holiday movie. While doing research she is transported back in time to the filming of the original film and encounters one of the film’s stars.
My catnip: time travel, period piece, Star Trek alumni (Jonathan Frakes from The Next Generation!!!!)
My take: I LOOOOVED this movie. I think this is right up there with last year’s Ghost of Christmas Always as my favorite Hallmark movie. Okay, where to begin – time travel movies always have that nice note of impossible yearning, which I love, the settings and costume were beautiful, the leads had so much chemistry, and the plotting and pacing were so well done. And I so very much want to see the real version of “His Merry Wife”, the film that is getting remade.
The ridiculous: Well, again, it’s a time travel movie, so there’s that. Also – I always think with these movies when a person from the past ends up in present day – “How is he going to get a social security number?”
My favorite bit: The opening, which is played as a trailer for His Merry wife. And of course the end. I might have gone a little misty-eyed at the end.

Christmas in Notting Hill (2023) – American woman goes to England to visit her sister and meets soccer super star who is in the midst of a career crisis. Well, the American is also in the midst of a career crisis too.
My cat nip: foreign local, men with accents, stars of 1990s television (Sarah Ramos from Parenthood – does anyone remember what a lovely show that was?)
My take: This was fine, but there was no real conflict in the relationship. The American and the English soccer star liked each other from the beginning and there was nothing really standing in the way of them, so there was a real lack of tension in this movie. On the other hand, if you’re looking for all the standard cozy Hallmark Christmas tropes, this movie has them in spades. I would say this is a great movie for having on in the background to infuse the air with Christmas spirit.
The ridiculous: Soccer star’s mom makes a living selling swag with her son’s face on it. Seems a little unethical?
My favorite bits: okay, to be honest, I watched this really late at night and might have fallen asleep through parts of it. The two leads are charming, though.

Holiday Hotline (2023) – After a career crisis, British chef goes to Chicago for a break and ends up working at a holiday turkey hotline. She fields a call from a single dad trying to recreate his late wife’s Christmas turkey for his daughter. Simultaneously, she keeps running into a friend of her neighbor and sparks fly. Guess what? It’s not really a spoiler to say that the single dad and the neighbor’s friend are the same guy!
My cat nip: Single fathers, cute British accents, pseudo- Shop Around the Corner vibes, niche activity (Holiday cooking hotlines!)
My take: I thought this one was really cute, maybe my second favorite holiday movie this past year. I’ve always loved listening to the radio program Turkey Confidential and it makes a great premise for a meet cute rom com. I liked the way the story unfolded, predictably, but also with some nuance.
The ridiculous: Okay, some of the questions that callers called in with about their turkeys were hilarious and I hope no one ever asked in real life.
My favorite bits: The way that the movie handled the “hotline” scenes were, I thought, really well done. It wasn’t just a split screen effect – it was something cozier and quite skillful.

Christmas Island (2023) -Career driven private pilot is forced to land her clients – Los Angeles based toy manufacturers and their kids – at small Nova Scotia Island when she hits severe weather. She verbally spars with the air traffic controller, but then gets to know him in real life when she and her clients are stranded for several days.
My Catnip: A Hallmark movie set in Canada! Also Andrew Walker is one of my favorite Hallmark actors – I’ll watch any holiday movie he’s in. Also Rachel Skarsten, who plays the pilot was in The Royal Nanny last year, and I liked her too.
My take: The Nova Scotia location was kind of refreshing in a Hallmark movie, and I liked the storylines of how the various members of the family find their way to something fulfilling.
The ridiculous: No one seemed terribly Canadian in this movie. I can’t quite put my finger on what made me say this, since I’m sure there were a lot of Canadians in the movie. (Both the leads are Canadian.) But there was nary a ketchup chip in sight!
My favorite bit: The part with the Christmas Eve tribute to loved ones that had been lost, featuring a Christmas tree made from lobster traps. I might have shed a tear.

Mystic Christmas (2023) – Globe-trotting animal behavioral specialist goes to work for her best friend at her marine animal rehab center in Mystic, CT. She reunites with a one night stand/best friend’s brother, a homebody if there ever was one.
My catnip: Stars of musical theatre (Patti Murin, who plays the best friend, starred in Frozen the Musical.)
My take: This movie was pretty enjoyable, though low on external conflict, having, instead a lot of existential soul searching while enjoying Christmas settings. I liked that there were several different minor plotlines, to help keep things moving along. And the seals were pretty cute.
The ridiculous: What is it in the world of Hallmark that people have big exciting job offers that always start the day after Christmas? I get that not everyone runs on the same calendar as I do, but… it seems a little unbelievably inconvenient.
My favorite bit: There is one scene in which Patti Murin wears the most amazingly snuggly sweater. I loved that sweater. Also there is a book flood in the movie. Seems very hip and trendy, but it was fun to see a series of scenes where they go to the book store, buy books and then sit around and read. I don’t know what it was about the sound design, but the sound of those pages turning was just so perfectly cozy. Weird thing to love?

Well, that’s half the Hallmark/Lifetime movies I watched during 2023 holiday season! I’ll be back with a recap of the rest of them next week!

I know we’re over halfway though January, but did you enjoy any Hallmark rom coms this year?