Sometimes I think of all the things that I’ll pass along to my kids – especially all the things that I want to pass along to them but will likely not ever see come to happen. I mean there’s the financial and material, but also I think about the intangible things. Whenever I think of holding on to stuff for my kids, I think of something the Minimalists said to a listener who was having a hard time cleaning out his parents’ house after their death. “You are your parent’s legacy,” they said, “not their stuff.” It’s still hard for me to get rid of things, but these words are a bit of comfort when I do chose to part with something – these bits and things are not me. But also it’s somehow more weighty to think that my legacy is something so much more lasting than stuff.
At any rate, a lot of the times as I think of what I want my little humans to learn from me, I wonder if any of the good things I want to pass along get through to them. Lord knows, the bad things do… the yelling and the petty grievances, and the bad habits – those I see in them in the most cringeworthy ways. But the good stuff? Or maybe I’m not giving them enough good fodder?
This week, while camping with the two little kids, I tried really hard not to be too busy to enjoy being out in the woods and hanging out with these two little creatures. I’m trying to not let the things that occupy my mind take up so much space that I can’t experience the things that I like about being in the tent – the air, the trees, the golden sunsets, the fire, the unplugging (though to be fair, we had plenty of cell signal the whole time so there was period scrolling and texting).
At one point, as I was trying to make dinner, I realized that I was having a good time. I was enjoying the sunshine and the woods and my kids’ antics. I paused and gave the five year old a big hug. “I’m so glad you’re camping with me. This is fun.”
He gave me back a big hug in return. I turned back to continue to make dinner.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him walk over to his little sister. His pesky little sister that not five minutes ago, was taking his sticks and fighting with him. The little sister who snatches his toys and then laughs in his face at his distress. The little sister who liked putting her feet in her face while they ride in the car. (I really should turn her car seat around…)
He walks over to her, gives her a big hug, and says, “I’m so glad you’re camping with me. This is fun.”
My heart grew a million times. Maybe the good stuff is getting passed down after all. Maybe the good stuff is the stuff that happens when I’m not even trying, but when I’m just simply loving them.
This is beautiful! You’re passing on such wonderful things – like taking the time and effort to make memories outside camping. These things will stay with them for life and what a great legacy.
Parenting is hard or exhausting or tedious much of the time, but those little gems of moments are just so amazing. I love that you took the time for the hug and to verbalize how you were feeling. It makes it all so much more real and tangible…and it inspired your kids to follow your lead. Gold stars, and a lovely post about a heartwarming moment <3
Thank you! There was something lovely about stepping away from everything and enjoying the moment with the kids. And you’re right that verbalizing things to our kids are important. I didn’t realize how important it was until i saw him repeat it to his sister.
What a beautiful memory! I’m so glad you’re going camping with them and teaching them what’s important.
I’m glad we went too. I was kind of on the fence about going since it seemed like a lot of work to pack for only one night, but it turned out to be a great time!
Oh, that story brought tears to my eyes. Here’s something to think about… what do you remember about your own parents? Of course, your parents may still be alive. Mine are gone, and I have all sorts of moments that I remember, things that they said and did that made a big impression. And I doubt they were “trying” to make such an impression in those moments. So just by being yourself, and the best parent you can possibly be, you’re creating memories for your children.
I think you’re right. There is so much focus on parenting as a verb, but maybe the best way to be a good parent is to just be a good human.