Books read- August, September, and October 2023

September and October were not great months for reading- I started many books, but many had to be returned before I could finish them. So it’s felt very scattered. I have many books started, many narrative threads open, but very few concluded.

I also have a ridiculous number of books out from the library. One day I had to clear them out of the living room and so I stacked them in my bedroom and they made a pile two feet high. Very aspirational. Our library now lets you check books back in yourself, so sometimes I will check an overdue book back in just to check it back out again and put it back on by TBR pile. That pile needs some realistic taming, for sure.

Anyhow, on to the books:

A Very Typical Family by Sierra Godfrey – A novel about estranged siblings, a family ripped asunder and slowly stitching itself back together. This is a novel for people who like novels about family drama. It’s not a book that was terribly memorable for me; it was the first book I read in August and I had to go back and look up a plot description to remind myself what this book was about. I think it was on a library book club list. I’m just not a fan of books about people who wallow in their problems and can’t just talk to people to fix those problems. The main character often conveniently either a) accidentally left her cell phone at home, or b) talked herself out of communicating with other people. There was a nice cat in the novel, though.

My Darkest Prayer by S.A. Cosby – I had listened to Cosby’s Razorblade Tears earlier this year and was really enthralled by it, even though crime/thriller isn’t a genre I’m usually drawn to. My Darkest Prayer is one of Cosby’s first attempts at a novel and it certainly isn’t as polished or tightly crafted as Razorblade Tears. The story centers around a Nathan Waymaker, a former Marine who now works for an undertaker. When a beloved preacher dies, Waymaker is hired by the preacher’s parishioners to find out what really happened. Though Cosby is heavy on the metaphors and some of the plotlines don’t resolve as neatly as I want, I thought this book really gripping and am eager to read more of his books.

Keeper of the Lost Cities by Sharon Messenger – I read this as part of my “book club” with my 11 year old. She loooooves this series. I thought it was fine. It’s about a girl who discovers that she is really an elf and is then spirited away to another world to go to school and learn to use her powers. I don’t really go for stories of magical children and since this book was the first of a very long series, I felt like there was a lot of set up and not a whole lot of plot. My daughter assures me the series gets better as it goes along and there is a pretty juicy love triangle that evolves.

The Appeal by Janice Hallett – This book was recommended on the website Ask A Manager. I don’t always like the books that are recommended there – they tend towards rich family dramas – but this one had a lot of my literary cat nips – it’s an epistolatory murder mystery novel set against the backdrop of a community theatre. I thought this novel was a lot of fun. Though the mystery itself was rather disappointing, the style was breezy and clever, which I enjoyed. I hear there is a sequel, which is definitely going on my list.

Admission by Jean Hanff Koreltz – One of my favorite novels I’ve read this year. Portia Nathan is a Princeton admissions officer who starts to really question the ethics of her job when she makes a school visit to an ultra-alternative high school. As the things that she’s built her life on slowly unravel, she is forced to face choices that she made herself as a young college student. I loved so much about this book – Portia is such a complex, brave, and capable protagonist, all the characters are so full of life, and the book, while hilarious in parts, asks some really hard questions about the whole admissions process and who “deserves” an Ivy League education and what exactly is “achievement”. As someone who has very mixed feelings about my own Ivy League education and my own place on that campus, this book really spoke to all the insecurities that Princeton fostered, and still fosters, in me. Also – it is so very well written. Like this stellar bit of writing:

“And besides, there wasn’t much to be proud of in the scene she currently set: woman alone, in the middle of her bed, in the middle of the day, in the middle of her life.” I mean that perfectly captures the days of malaise I feel when life is just overwhelming and I feel like I haven’t lived up to my life’s potentials.

And this quote quite sums up a lot of my feelings while at college:
“Inside every one of her fellow students, she understood now, was a person who didn’t live up to his or her own expectations, a person too fat, too slow, whose hair wouldn’t hold a curl, who had no gift for languages, who lacked the gene for math. They were convinced they were not all they’d been cracked up to be: the track star, classicist, valedictorian, perennial leading lady, campus fixer, or teacher’s favorite. The driven ones she’d known in college feared they weren’t driven enough, and the slackers were sure they’d find out how deficient they were if the ever did apply themselves.” Yep – I was definitely one of those slackers that was afraid to find out they weren’t smart. I really loved this book. Also – there is a movie somewhat based on this book starring Tina Fey and Paul Rudd. That pairing alone is enough to get me to watch the movie. It’s a cute movie, but nothing at all like the book, except for broad plot points.

Unwind by Neil Shusterman – A dystopian YA novel about a world in which, as a compromise on the abortion issue, life is considered sacred until the age of 13, after which parents are allowed to have their kids be “unwound”, sending their kids to government institutions to have their body parts harvested and transplanted to other people. I can’t remember where I first heard about this book, but I thought it might make a good mother daughter “book club” book. This book centers around a trio of teenagers who have been sent to be unwound, but escape on the way there. It’s pretty dark. The more YA novels I read, the more I’m realizing that parents don’t really come off very well in these books – which I guess is understandable of the genre read by people who are of an age to push back against the grown ups in their world. This book was really intense – I stayed up late to finish it because I just had to know how things turned out. The 11 year old really liked it too, said it was one of her favorite books she read this year.

Sadie by Courtney Summers, read by Rebecca Soler, Dan Bittner, Gabra Zackman, and a full cast – I thought this book would make an interesting audiobook because it is supposed to be partly told in the form of a podcast. It tells the story of Sadie, a teenager who has gone missing after her sister is found dead, and the podcaster who is trying to find her. To be honest, women in peril stories aren’t really my thing, and the amount of cruelty and abuse in this book just made for unpleasant listening. Also, even though the novel is supposed to be told in the form of a podcast, I found the actual podcast segments kind of stilted.

Promise Boys by Nick Brooks, read by Renier Cortes, Hannah Church, Anthony Lopez, Alfred Vines, Xenia Willacey, Jamie Lincoln Smith, Henriette Zoutomou, Maria Liatis, Suehyla El-Attar, Eliana Marianes, Brad Sanders, Christopher Hampton – Continuing on my YA streak, this novel tells the story of three students at Urban Promise Prep School in DC who come under suspicion when their strict, no-nonsense principal is murdered. I thought this book was an interesting spin on the prep school mystery genre. Unlike most prep school novels, these kids are not white, do not come from families of money or privilege. They are kids who have to hustle and work hard to have dreams for their future, and I thought that Brooks really was able to convey how high the stakes were for these kids to prove themselves. I don’t always love full cast audio books – they always seem disjointed to me, but I thought that approach worked really well for this book – the multiple points of view as key to how each characted was slowly revealed and preconceptions were unravelled.

Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson – I picked up this novel as I was browsing the library because on one of the first pages, it had a list of “rules” for mystery novels, and there was a note in the top right corner that said, “Fold this corner over” so that the reader could refer back to this list throughout the novel. That kind of self-referential humour always gets me. This novel is one of those “Family stuck in a ski lodge with their secrets” kind of mystery and proved to be a lot of fun – I laughed out loud a few times. I do wish I had read it more quickly – the actual reveal of the murderer and motive was a little unsatisfying to me because I read the book over such a long period of time that I couldn’t remember the details enough to piece together the solution to the mystery. This is one of those mystery novels where the clues are right there so it would have been more fun if I could have kept track of details better.

Number One Chinese Restaurant by Lillian Li– This book is set in Rockville, a suburb of DC near where I live and where the best Chinese food in the county is. The novel tells the story of relationships of the staff and owners of The Beijing Duck House. There are many narrative threads in this novel – family conflicts, romantic relationships, career ambitions, as well as the intense drama of trying to just get through the mundane things in life. Overall, I was kind of “meh” about this book. I thought the writing was very good, particularly the description of life in a restaurant and the details way Li describes food. Ultimately, though I think because the book is so sprawling with so many characters, I didn’t feel like the plotlines gelled cohesively for me. The whole thing felt quite episodic and lacked momentum.

The Change by Kirsten Miller – If you like books about angry middle aged women taking charge of things and confronting the casual misogyny of life, here is a book for you. This novel tells the story of three women in their 40s and 50s who, upon discovering the body of a dead teenage girl in their Long Island oceanfront community, decide to take matters into their own hands when the police dismiss the case as just another drug addicted sex-worker. Also – all three women have strange and magical powers – which, I’m not usually into strange and magical powers, but when coupled with menopausal rage, it is kind of fun. I mean this passage:
So much fury had built up inside Jo. But at last she’d identified the true enemy. She’d been waging war with herself since she was fourteen year old. But the problem wasn’t her body. The problem was the companies that sold shitty sanitary pads. Otherwise reasonable adult who believed tampons stole a girls’ virginity. Doctors who didn’t bother to solve common problems. Birth control that could kill you. Boys who were told that they couldn’t control themselves. A society that couldn’t handle the fact that roughly half of all humans mensurate at some point in their lives.
This book is angry and funny and suspenseful and sweet all at the same time. I guess one could say the men in this novel are kind of undeveloped, but I don’t imagine that they are any more undeveloped than women have been in media for years. This book was highly enjoyable for me. I stayed up until 2am to finish it.

Currently on my metaphorical bedside table:
Essential Labor: Mothering as Social Change by Angela Garbes. I really liked Garbes’ book Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy – highly recommend as an alternative to Emily Oster’s Expecting Better. Essential Labor, written during the pandemic, seeks to look at the history of caregiving and how it is so central yet so undervalued.

All the Right Notes by Dominic Lim – Romance novel about a piano player/composer who has dreams of Broadway and the boy he met in high school, who is now a famous Hollywood star. I’m a sucker for novels set in the theatre or music worlds. Also romance novels with Asian leads. I started some other books this month, but I’m finding that when I’m in a super busy period at work, I need light happy books to read.

I Should Have Honor by Khalida Brohi (audiobook)- Brohi is a Pakastani activist who as a teenager, prompted by the honor killing of her cousin, started to speak out against honor crimes and advocate for the education and empowerment of women in Pakistan. This memoir was written in 2018. I’m only half way through and while I find the subject matter important, the memoir itself is a little dry.

The Takedown by Lily Chu (audiobook, narrated by Phillipa Soo) – Chu wrote The Stand-In which I really enjoyed, so when looking for an audiobook to listen to as I made scones one night, I started this one. It’s much the same humor and tone.

Weekly recap + what we ate: School’s Out!

I guess summer has begun!

The 11 year old had her 5th Grade Promotion Ceremony. The Husband and I both went. Oh my goodness. There might have been some tears. You know, those happy tears of, “Wasn’t she just a little baby? and I can’t believe that she’s made it all the way through elementary school! and She’s growing up and moving forward and I can’t always be there for her!” You know, that kind of stuff. Man, if I’m this blubbering mess at her elementary school promotion ceremony, I can’t imagine what kind of mess I’ll be as she gets older. I can’t believe that I will have at least two more Promotion/Graduation ceremonies to go though for this kid. More, if she finished college. And I’ll also have to go through this with the two other kids.

There were so many nice touches to the ceremony. The Principal reminding the students to “Find your superpower and always always always remember to be kind.” And then reminding them that they will always be a Sea Turtle (the school mascot). (okay – I might be tearing up remembering that bit.) As each student’s name was read out, the teacher also read a quote by the student – things like favorite memories, advice, hopes for the world. Some of my favorites:
“The world would be a more awesome place if there were more male teachers.”
“My advice for kindergarteners would be to enjoy recess because you don’t have it in middle school.”
“I will always remember to dial in”

There were also a lot of kids who mentioned their friends and teachers in their quote. It made me realize that even though learning is important, what really makes an impact are the friendship and human connections that the kids make – the people who make a child feel seen and heard. I feel like the 11 year old was fortunately place in the pandemic timeline – she had three years of in person learning before the pandemic and then she had a year and a half of in person learning afterwards. While the year of virtual learning was certainly disruptive, she could start and end elementary school surrounded by people and not online.

At the end of the ceremony, the school has a “clap out” where all the other grades line the hallways and the 5th graders walk by every classroom and high five all the other students. And it ended with cake. Then lots of pictures and good-byes and some phone numbers exchanged for future playdates.

That was the big event for the week.

One last picture by her locker.
Last Day of School!
Comparison: First Day of School!

Well, actually only one kid went to school on the Last Day of School. The 11 year old stayed home – the principal said that no one expected fifth graders to show up on the last half day. And the 3 year old had the day off for teachers in service. She actually is quite confused as to why she still has to go to school/ daycare this summer while her siblings don’t. The six year old went to his last day of kindergarten. Whew. We made it.

Other fun things:

This snapshot of life moment: The two younger kids were playing together, while I wrapped a few things up before I took them to a pool. Then I hear the 6 year old say to the 3 year old , “You need a stick! Go get a stick!” And the three year old runs into the kitchen and grabs a chopstick. Now whenever my kids grab sticks, some spidey sense tells me to be a little wary.
“What do you need a stick for?” I asked.
“To wave it!”
I follow them to the living room, and this is what I saw:

The three year old “conducting” while the six year old “plays”. It delighted me to my music loving heart!

For Better of For Worse:

I found this battered copy of a For Better or For Worse volume in a Little Free Library and immediately snatched it up. I grew up reading Lynn Johnston’s comic strip For Better or For Worse in my local newspaper. The family structure was very similar to my own – mom, dad, older brother, younger sister. And the younger sister was about my age as the strip progressed. I always found it so relatable – just an ordinary family and the gentle ironies of life. Johnston has such a gift for seeing the humour in the mundane. There are certain strips that have always stuck in my head. The one where the mother responds to the father’s complaint of the kids dog-earing books, by saying, “At last they are reading!” has always stayed with me.

The 11 year old has also been reading this slim volume and one day she showed me the page where pre-teen Elizabeth is in a prickly foul mood, slamming doors and growling at her parents, but then at the end of the day asks her mom for a hug. “Sometimes,” the 11 year old says to me, “That’s how I feel.” I just wanted to give her all the hugs.

This yummy breakfast: One day the kids wanted oatmeal for breakfast, which isn’t something we have a lot in the summer. They had frozen blueberries and maple syrup on theirs. I wanted a savory version, so I had eggs, ume plum vinegar, sesame oil, cilantro, and chili bamboo shoots on mine. Kind of like congee. I love chili bamboo shoots; I could eat them right out of the jar. But it’s one of those foods that I always forget that I like so I don’t have it too often. On the side, mango with tajin.

Lychees – I went to HMart for groceries the other day, and when I came home I realized that I have three versions of lychees:

There is my favorite Japanese gummy candy, then canned lychee because there is a lychee ice cream recipe that I want to try to make, and then fresh lychee, which we very rarely get, so I always buy some if I see them and they look good. I guess lychees are my favorite fruit! They are so sweet and juicy and have a nice chew to them that it’s just a really perfect eating experience for me. I’m sure the rarity makes them even more special too. They actually had lychees at Costco last week, but those aren’t as sweet at the ones from HMart.

Grateful for:
– My health. I’ve met a lot of people these past few weeks who are dealing with chronic health conditions, and I’ve been feeling really grateful that thanks mainly to genetics and good luck, I’ve always felt very good in my body. It’s also made me realize that medicine is not an exact science – my friends have gone through a battery of tests and visited many doctors and basically get a diagnosis of “Yup, you feel tired/have migraines/inexplicably vomit…” How mentally exhausting that must be, on top of not feeling physically well! I don’t want to come across a smug, but I’m realizing that I can’t take my ability to function without pain or discomfort for granted, especially as I get older. Health issues can be so mysterious and I could very well develop a chronic issue at anytime, so I’m grateful for every day that I’m healthy.

– The 11 year old’s elementary school and especially the staff and teacher. I had so many doubts about having the 11 year old switch schools for 5th grade. Clearly the partial Immersion program that she was in was not serving her well, but was a new school really the answer? What if she didn’t like the school? What if the kids at the new school were just as mean as the kids at the old school? Is it too big of an adjustment to make for the last year of elementary school? But it was absolutely the right decision, and honestly, one that we should have made sooner. The principal runs the school with the authoritative air of a benevolent ruler – a firm and kind man. The office staff is always happy to see people come in; they never act as if you’re being a bother. And the teachers all want to help kids learn and do well. This is our fourth elementary school experience and I’ll say that I didn’t find these things everywhere. The 11 year old found her spot and friends and one fun thing at the promotion ceremony was meeting all the people whom she connected with over the school year.

-The nice weather and the air clearing up. Luckily we only had about two days of really bad air here in the DC area, but then things were back to normal. With this week being tech week, I’m in the theatre at lot, and I haven’t been getting out to run. But I’m grateful that when I do get breaks, there is balmy weather- not quite grossly humid – and sunshine and shade and lush summer green for me to enjoy.

The trail near my house.

Looking Forward To: So the Husband has taken all three kids on trip. I’ve had to stay home because I’m working this week. It seems so luxurious to have the whole house to myself. These are things I’m looking forward to
– Reading! I went to the library last week on my day off and got a whole stack of books. I’m inspired by Coco who has been spending hours reading in the morning while her family is away!

library stack

– Cooking! I am going to cook and eat all the things that I don’t often get to cook when the family is at home – cauliflower, bok choy, fried rice, lots of vegetables. Tempeh. This is a big one. I’ve had tempeh in the fridge for longer than I care to admit, but no one likes tempeh. That’s not true, quite – no one likes the idea of tempeh, so I never make it. (They’re fine when I do finally make it but sometimes it’s not worth listening to the grousing). Also all the things that I want to eat, but the kids eat before I get to it. Like lychees.

Library cookbook stack

– Cleaning out the guest room. This is my big “To Do” item while home by myself. We have family coming to visit in July and currently the guest room is clothes storage. I need to organize and put the clothes in bins and then put the clothes in the attic.

-Blog – finish my Amsterdam recaps.

-And then also all the other life admin stuff – camp forms, pay the bills, etc. I know this doesn’t really go on a “Looking forward to” list… but I’m looking forward to doing it without having a kid come up and interrupt me.

What We Ate – I still feel like every night I’ve had some variation of this conversation with the Husband:
Him: What can I make for dinner?
Me: Well there’s x, y, and z in the fridge.
Him: What can I do with that?
Me: … spits ball some complicated ideas.
Him: We’ll just have eggs.

In truth, he’s doing a great job of keeping the kids fed as I work into the evening. But I look forward to being able to meal plan again some day:

Saturday: Pizza and movie night – School of Rock.

Sunday: Camp food with friends. Our friends had bought a new camp stove and wanted to try it out, so we went on a hike and then they made dinner at the end. Rice and Beans with Sausage and vegetables – they had dehydrated okra and tomatoes and added that. It was really tasty. There was mac and cheese and broccoli rice for the kids.

Monday: Pork chops with gravy and green beans. The Husband cooked. This is the kind of Midwestern meal he makes without a receipe.

Tuesday: Zucchini Boats – the Husband cooked. We seem to eat these a lot, but it’s a good way to get vegetables into the kids.

Wednesday: Breakfast sandwiches.

Thursday: Turkey Chili – I made before heading off to work. This was one of those really satisfying meals to make in that I got to use up lots of leftovers and clean out the fridge a little. I used the leftover zucchini boat filling (ground turkey) and tossed it in in Instant Pot with leftover turkey burgers, a can of crushed tomatoes, celery, carrots, onions, corn, black beans and chili powder and cumin. It was really tasty and I had the leftovers in wraps for lunch all week.

Friday: Sandwiches at the Golf Course. The Summer music series has started at the local golf course – so many a Fridays we just grab sandwiches from the deli and head there with our lawn chairs and picnic blankets. Even when we don’t plan to go with friends, we almost always run into someone we know.

Saturday: Pizza and movie night. It was my turn to choose and I chose The Queen of Katwe, a 2016 movie based on the true story of a chess prodigy living in the slums of Kampala, Uganda. I’m trying to find more family movies that aren’t animated and I really enjoyed this one. The story is by turns inspirational and dramatic and eye-opening.

Monday: Turkey Chili leftovers

Tuesday: Grilled Tofu and Tomatoes – the husband made this from the Green Barbeque Cookbook, a book of vegan and vegetarian recipes to make on the grill. It was very tasty. Vegan.

Wednesday: Eggs and Green Beans. The Husband cooked.

Thursday: Cucumber and Black Bean Noodle Salad from To Asia With Love by Hetty McKinnon. This was really tasty and went over pretty well with the kids, though one kid only at the veggies and one kid only ate the noodles. The dressing base is fermented black bean sauce, one of my favorite ingredients. I added green beans and five spice tofu to bulk it up. Vegan.

Friday: Leftovers for me. Not quite sure what the Husband and kids did.

Weekly recap + what we ate: pre-trip version

We are home from our spring break trip! Where we went:

Recaps to come. I hope. I still think I want to write recaps from our Montreal Trip too, so clearly I am behind.

But a quick rundown of the week before, since I selfishly like having these accounting of my days…

It was a week off of work, which was great because I could get some last minute errands and pre-trip things done.

some Highlights:
– Going for a cherry blossom run. I had always heard that the Kenwood neighborhood also has beautiful cherry blossoms, and it was less crowded than going to the Tidal Basin, so I thought I’d check it out. When I looked it up, I saw that there is a trail next to it, so I decided to combine my run with a cherry blossom wander. I parked at one of the lots off the trail that lead to the Kenwood neighborhood and had a little run then spent the rest of the morning wandering the streets. It was not as crowded as the Tidal Basin, so I felt like I was able to amble and savor at my own pace, though the blossoms in Kenwood are not the panoply of colors one sees downtown. It’s so interesting that this little neighborhood becomes such a cherry blossom hot spot. It was at the tail end of cherry blossom peak bloom and there was a light breeze, which sent cherry blossom petals drifting through the air and scattered on the roads.

cherry blossom arch!
Cherry blossom carpet.

-The six year old had a concert. The French Immersion students put on a concert every year, though apparently it hasn’t happened in a while because of the pandemic. Each class presents some kind of musical performance in French. The kindergartener show involved singing and dancing to a song about chocolate. I know I put on shows for a living, but I am seriously impressed by the coordination that it takes to organize 200+ kids to sing and dance in French. It’s always funny for me to go see school shows because there is a certain level of chaos that I would never see at my work, and yet… things always work out and people get onstage and offstage. I mean I just have to stage manage, but the teachers have to direct, choreograph, child wrangle, cajole, cheerlead… what full jobs they have… on top of the every day teaching.

The black light and fluorescent vests made me laugh.

– I got a discount on a book! I went to Barnes and Nobles to pick up a book for my flight. I usually like to read a book by someone from the country that I was visiting, so this is the one I chose:

Anyhow, as I was leafing through it, I noticed that the inside blurb page was upside down – you can see in the picture how the strip of the stepback is white and it should be red. I would have bought the book anyway because I wanted to read it and this gaffe wouldn’t have affected reading the book. But I took it to the front desk, pointed out the flaw, and they gave me 20% discount!

Giggle of the week –
This sign, seen in the neighborhood, which abounds with Little Free Libraries:

I feel like the six year old would take advantage of that too.

Grateful For:
– Public Transportation – I had lunch with a friend one day and I could take the metro there. It was just as fast as driving, but much more relaxing, and I could read my book a little.
– A friend for lending me a suitcase. I was going to buy a new suitcase since the wheels of my carry on rolling suitcase have come apart. I’ve had that suitcase for almost twenty years, so I guess it was about time to replace it. But when we went to look at suitcases, I was so overwhelmed by the options and couldn’t pick one. Relating my suitcase woes to my friend, she said, “I have one that you can borrow!” So I did. It saved me money and it saved me the mental energy of having to choose a suitcase. Sometimes having something just given to me is even more perfect than having to choose it myself.

Ready to go!

-Time. Last week, I had more money than time, what with being unemployed and all. I think about this a lot. Sometimes when I’m unemployed I find my spending goes out of control because I finally have the time to browse/choose/buy those new shoes to replace the ones with holes that I have been making do with, or catch up on house projects, or refresh the kids’ wardrobes. I find when I’m thick in work, I don’t tend to throw money at things, rather I just decide to hobble through and replace things when I have time to think about it. But of course it means that I tend to have the time to spend money when I’m not making any money – which doesn’t even out as much as I would like. I suppose the answer, somewhat, is to increase my income. But also I think I should lean into thinking about how to spend time not money when I’m unemployed. Some things do need to be replaced, but maybe some things can be repaired? I sewed up a hole in a sweater that I wanted to take for vacation rather than buying a new one. And also – I went on the abovementioned run to see the cherry blossoms in Kenwood. It’s the kind of thing I wouldn’t have had time to do while working, but when I don’t have to be in at work, I can do these things. I can use time to buy moments of beauty. I can use time to buy moments of connection, like when I have lunch with friends. (Okay, also it took money to pay for lunch, but we could have just as easily gone for a walk and visit, or she could have come over for tea… the food wasn’t the important part.) Anyhow… when I’m feeling money poor and time rich, maybe I need to think about the things that time can buy me. On that note, I realize how lucky I am that I do have time – there are many people who have neither time nor money and that must be so stressful and hard.

What We Ate:

Monday: Chickpea noodle soup from Vegan for Everyone by America’s Test Kitchen. The six year old wanted veggie soup and I had celery to use up- I feel like I make this a lot when those two boxes need to be checked. Vegan.

Tuesday: Waffles. Quick dinner before the six year old’s school concert. I had heard a hack earlier this year of measuring two batches of dry ingredients when you make/bake something so that you just have to add the wet ingredients later on for a second batch. I thought this brilliant so last time I made waffles, I measured a second portion of the dry ingredients into a container and put it in the pantry. When I needed a quick dinner this night, I just tossed in the wet ingredients and everything was came together super quickly. I know measuring the dry ingredients doesn’t take that much time, but when you factor in finding things, hauling it out, measuring, and then putting it back away… to be able to just dump it in a bowl… pre-making the dry ingredients has the ease as if we were making our favorite waffle recipe from a box mix.

Wednesday: Dinner out with friends from out of town. I had pasta with mushrooms. There was parker house rolls with bacon jam involved.

Thursday: Off in an airplane!


Books Read – February 2023

Random book habit though this month: After I finish a book, I will go back and re-read the first two or three chapters again. I find by the time I get to the end of a book, I often don’t remember the first few chapters, and I like to remind myself how the story starts; there are often details that pop out at me that I hadn’t noticed before, but which feel richer having read the whole book. Often the characters have changed or grown, so it’s fun to see what they were like at the beginning. I very rarely re-read entire books, though. What about you?

Would Like To Meet by Rachel Winters– This was a cute but ridiculous romance-ish novel that the I picked up because the 11 year old found it at the Little Free Library at the pool, and I jokingly said, “We should have a book club!” So she read it and then handed it to me. The premise: Evie works as an assistant to an agent whose major (only) client is an Oscar winning screenwriter who is behind on delivering a script for a rom com. The screenwriter has writer’s block because he thinks romantic comedies are unbelievable, so Evie decides to show him that the “meet cute” really does exist by attempting to have a “meet cute.” Hijinks ensue. This is a decidedly mediocre yet amusing romance novel. Evie is a bit too much of a door mat for my liking, but her friends are fun and the meet cutes that she engineers have their own charm.

Dante and Aristotle Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz, read by Lin Manuel Miranda – Truth, I chose this audio book because it was narrated by Lin Manuel Miranda. This YA novel tells the story about Ari, who can’t swim, and Dante whom he meets at a pool, and who offers to teach him. Over the course of a summer and the following school years, the two Mexican-American teenagers develop a deep friendship that grows into more. It’s the kind of book that meanders along, much like life, until something really dramatic happens, then people pick up the pieces and try to keep moving forward. I thought it really captured the inertia of the teen years – the way that things often seem like they won’t ever change then life turns a corner and suddenly things will never be the same. There were some pacing issues with the book, but I did love all the characters, especially Dante who was kind of quirky and unselfconsciously so.

I’m only Wicked with You by Julie Ann Long – I really enjoyed Long’s Pennyroyal Green series. This is the latest in her Palace of Rogues series. I thought the ending had everything I love in a romance novel ending, but the rest of the book took a looooong time to get there. Forced marriage isn’t my favorite romance novel trope and when two characters spend too much time not liking each other, I get impatient. I mean I like witty banter as much as the next person, but a lot of the banter in the first part of the book was just caustic and mean. Once the two main characters started getting along and liking each other, I really started to enjoy this book.

My Plain Jane By Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows, and Cynthia Hand– I picked this up because I found the first book of this series, My Lady Jane, really charming and was eager for more of the same. Like My Lady Jane, My Plain Jane is a retelling of a known story (Jane Eyre) with some twists, turns, and magical elements. This novel features Charlotte Bronte and her good friend Jane Eyre as ghost hunters, and the plot revolves around the secret society they come to work for. I thought the book was really clever; the authors did not shy away from the problematic issues of the original source material; explaining the whole “How does the 19 year old fall in love with a manipulative man twice her age, and who is that in the attic?” is actually the backbone of the story. Even still, this book was very chaotic with huge plot holes and coincidences galore that I just found ridiculous after a while. Reading this book made me realize that one thing I loved about My Lady Jane was the audio book narrator – I just didn’t have the right dry witty tone in my head when I read My Plain Jane to myself.

Mercy Street by Jennifer Haigh – Surprisingly funny book about lives that intersect, either directly or indirectly, around a Boston abortion clinic. I thought the character portraits of people on both side of the abortion debate were really shrewdly drawn, and I was really sucked into the lives of these character who all were just trying to do the right thing. The anti-abortion protesters seemed like caricatures in their dogmatic beliefs, almost to the point where I felt like that portrait was perhaps a little unfair. The book is not an unbiased view, of course. The main character, Claudia, has worked in the abortion clinic for years and even as she is worn down by the job, she still does it because she believes it’s essential work in a world that is stacked against women. At one point, one character says, that he has no problem with abortion, “as long as there’s a good reason.” And Claudia replies, “There’s always a good reason.”

I have two little things that bothered me about the book – one is that the book felt like a very white telling of the abortion debate – totally understandable because Haigh is a white author, so I don’t know that I should have expected otherwise. I just felt like there was a whole side and demographic missing from how abortion services are vital in this country. The other tick was a stylistic quirk where characters often loose track of time and it would repeatedly be, “months or days”, “after an hour or a month…” etc. Those are the only two I highlighted, but it recurred many times to the point of irking me.

Anyhow, some other passages of note:

“Bring in your pelvis for its twelve-month check up. Failure to perform scheduled maintenance may void warranty.” – made me laugh out loud. Yeah, I feel like that some days. Like the body is a machine and I’m not following the manual correctly.

“Baby Doe had been a person, a little girl who felt love ad joy, who delighted in her pink leggings and giggled when her toenails were painted and who, in the end, felt shock and fear and betrayal and pain. As a fetus she’d been protected by Massachusetts law, the twenty-four week cutoff. As a person she was utterly dependent on a woman who couldn’t raise her and didn’t want to. Once she became and actual person, by Doe was on her own.” I think this is one of the things that frustrates me so much about the abortion debate- people need to be cared for throughout life, yet the resources just aren’t there.

“Deb raised other people’s kids because it was one of only a few things she could earn money doing. The world was full of discarded people, sickly old ones and damaged young ones, and she was a paid caretaker. It said something about the world that this was the worst-paying job around.” – yeah this goes hand in hand with the quote above.

“Married life was like walking around in shoes that almost fit. She wore them every day for two years, and still they gave her blisters. Like most shoes designed for women, they were not foot-shaped.” So when married life gives you blisters – do you get new shoes or just put on some moleskin?

Some picture books that we enjoyed this month (inspired by how Lisa always includes picture books in her reading recaps!) :

Off Limits by Helen Yoon – this was a re-read about working from home. It’s cute and a lot of fun and the kids (and I) totally relate to it, particularly the scene where the child strews Post-It notes alllllll over the room.

The Barnabus Project by the Fan Brothers – This book is about a bunch of misfit toys that escape their confines. It’s a gripping adventure story, and I wish I could find more picture books that had this kind of large scale adventure element to them.

Otis and the Scarecrow by Loren Long – We are new to the Otis the Tractor series – where have we been this whole time? This book had a charming relaxed feel, and I really liked the message about accepting people in all their moods.

Over and Under the Canyon by Kate Messner, art by Christopher Silas Neal – We love this whole series of books – each book takes a deep look at one habitat in nature. The prose is calm and soothing, just like a nature ramble should be. The first one was Up in the Garden, Down the the Dirt, is still probably our favorite.

On my (Proverbial) Night Stand – for some reason I have a lot of books in progress right now, though three of those are ongoing reading projects.

The Brontes – Still plugging away. The drama and understatement of village life is riveting.

Braiding Sweetgrass – The next chapter is quite long so I’m saving it for when I can sit and read it in one go.

Interior Chinatown by Charles Wu – novel set in Hollywood about a struggling Taiwanese actor. It feels especially relevant when Everything Everywhere All at Once swept the Oscars.

Fencing with the King by Diana Abu-Jabar – Amani, a divorced poet, accompanies her father to his homeland of Jordan. So far it’s family secrets and some beautifully descriptive writing about life in Jordan.

What the Fresh Hell Is This by Heather Corinna – still working my way through this book on perimenopause too.

Stay True by Hua Hsu – Memoir about growing up as Asian Americans in America. My father recommended this book to me, and then I heard Hsu give an interview on Fresh Air and thought he said some very thoughtful things.

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine – the next “book club” book with the 11 year old.

Books Read January 2023

Okay, I literally wrote “January 2022” at the top of this post. When does it sink in? I once read a trick of pre-writing the new year on the first ten checks in your check book – I thought that was a pretty neat hack.

The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman – I’m not sure what Chuck Klosterman is. I mean googling him, he is defined as a “writer and essayist”. I think of him as a cultural critic, though I’m not sure what the qualifications are for that. Anyhow, this book is a collection of essays dissecting the 1990s from a cultural standpoint. I picked it up because I’m always interested in what people say about the times I’ve experienced. Klosterman looks at the decade through the lens of media, the internet, politics, sports, film and other things that were in the public conversation at the time. Klosterman is a cis-gender white male, and that was definitely in the back of my mind as I read the book; while there were some really keen observations in the book, I couldn’t help but to think that there were huge swaths of the American experience in the 1990s that was missing from the book. To be fair, he does acknowledge that his viewpoint is rather specific (as would anyone’s viewpoint be.). There is also a huge amount of snobbery in this book – for example, he skewers Titanic as a movie without merit, which dismisses the pleasure of watching a popcorn movie for the thrill of the moment. (He writes, “Yet the single most interesting thing about Titanic is its total commitment to expressing nothing that could be construed as interesting, now or then.” I mean I think a huge ocean liner sinking is pretty fascinating myself). All that notwithstanding, I thought there were some really thoughtful things going on in this book about how we (or at least the “we” that have the luxury of an examined life) live and think about our place in the world.
Some food for thought:
Most of the time, the skewed recollections [of our conversations] dwell on pop cultural ephemera – the precise spellings of minor consumer products, iconic lines of dialogues that are both famous and incorrect, and the popularity of a children’s movie staring the comedian Sindbad that does not exits. The most unhinged explanation for this phenomenon involves quantum mechanics and the possibility of alternative realities; the most rational explanation is that most of these memories were generated by people of the early nineties, a period when the obsession with popular culture exponentially increased without the aid of a mechanism that remembered everything automatically.
One of Klosterman’s points in the book is about how the 90s was the last decade when it was okay not to know something, to live with the uncertainty since we couldn’t immediately fact check everything. Once we could easily Google things on our phone, being correct became much more standard and expected. This thought made me think about the benefits of living in uncertainty – of being okay with knowing that you don’t really know if something is 100% correct. It seems like it would be hard and freeing at the same time.

In the nineties, when a semi-educated young person was asked to identify the root cause of most American problems, the probably answer would not have been capitalism. The more likely response would have been commercialism. The problem of commercialism is the motive, and that can be recognized in how the thing is packaged. This differs from a hatred of capitalism, where the problem is the thing.
I thought this an interesting point. He explains that it’s the difference between hating Christmas and hating Christmas Carols played before Thanksgiving. But again, also his elitism is showing because what does “semi-educated” mean anyway?

The Death of Vivek Oji by Akwaeke Emezi – Set in present day Nigeria, this novel is centered around Vivek Oji, who he was, how he died and the community surrounding him. I wasn’t expecting a mystery novel when I picked it up, but that’s what it evolved to be. I think the relationships of the people in this novel was my favorite part. Vivek was part of a large, loving, and complicated community and I loved how everyone loved Vivek in their own way. His mother, in particular, in her tenacity to find out the truth of her son’s death, was heartbreaking. The writing is beautiful, almost poetic, and so immersive. I went into the book not having read the “back” so it took me a while to see where the story was going. The chapters alternate viewpoints, some told in first person and some in third person and there were so many characters it was hard for me to follow the narrative thread. I think I would have liked this book much better if I could have sat down and read it all in one sitting because reading it a little at a time over several weeks just made it feel really disjointed.

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun – Romance novel set in the world of a Bachelor-type reality show. Charlie, an awkward tech wizard whose career is in flames agrees to be the latest Prince Charming in order to rehab his reputation. Dev, one of the show’s producers is assigned to be Charlie’s handler. As Dev helps Charlie navigate the women vying for his hand, the two become close. I have to admit, I didn’t completely buy that Dev and Charlie could get so close (physically and emotionally) without *anyone* on the show figuring it out and calling them on it. (Well, no one did until about 3/4 of the way through the book.) Or that it took them so long to figure out their feelings for each other. But maybe that’s just a testament to how messed up it is to be on a reality tv show? The other thing I didn’t love was the way the women on the show were portrayed, at least initially. I get that when you have thirty women trying to win the same guy there are going to be some stereotypical girl fighting and cattiness, but all the contestants felt really two dimensional until it was down to the last few and even still, now I can’t remember a thing about them. Despite all that, I did enjoy this book a lot because of the romantic leads and the peek inside making a reality television show. Dev and Charlie were both really nice and sweet guys with believable emotional baggage to figure out, there was a good amount of tension and chemistry between them.

Any Other Family by Eleanor Brown – I felt like this book was similar to This is How it Always Is in that it’s a parenting fable disguised as a novel. It’s the story of three mothers linked by the fact that their adopted children all have the same birth mother. The families have gathered for a vacation and get the news that the birth mother is pregnant again, bringing up questions of if they should adopt the new child or find a new family. A lot of the book is about how people create their idea of family. Each chapter alternates being told from a different woman’s point of view, which really highlights how one’s outward appearance can belie that doubts and anxieties within. I really liked that aspect of the book – the person who seems to all have it together in one chapter is seen to be barely holding on inside in the next, and how no one sees one’s flaws as deeply as oneself. Even still, I feel like between this book and This Is How It Always Is and The School For Good Mothers, I’m a little tapped out on “the difficulties of mothering” novels for a while. It was well written and very readable, but I just need a break from tales of exhausted mothers.

Lots of passages of note:
Violet wakes up. Elizabeth closes her eyes to pray for strength, then open them and forces a smile onto her face. “Hello, sweet girl,’ she says, pretending to be the cheerful mother she knows she ought to be, and the the withered thirty-something husk of a woman who hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in far too long. Violet begins to wail. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.
Yup.

“Look. Things change. This is a fact of life. But you have survived one hundred percent of the changes in your life so far, which means the odds are high you’re going to survive whatever comes next, even if you don’t know what it is right now.”
One character says this to her rising middle-schooler. I need to file this away to say to my kids some day.

“The thing is, you’re going to be a lot of different mothers over the course of Violet’s life. It could be that you don’t like being this mother this infant mother, and no one would blame you for that, not a bit. it’s really hard. They’re energy vampire, and they take so much and give so little. But it won’t always be this way. She’ll be Tate and Taylor’s age and Phoebe’s age, and you’ll be the mom she needs then, and you’ll like some of those stages a whole lot more, and some of them probably less. None of this is written in stone. There’s no finish line in parenting, no end to it. We just have to be in it with them the whole time.”
It’s stuff like this that makes this book feel like a parenting manifesto disguised as a novel. There is a lot of wisdom to it, though.

On My Proverbial Night Stand Currently…

The Brontes – Still. Charlotte Bronte is now in her late teens. I had a moment of pause when I realized that she is already halfway through her short life.

My Plain Jane – A twist on Jane Eyre written by the team that wrote My Lady Jane. Amusing so far, though a little chaotic. Fun to read in conjunction with the Bronte biography.

Braiding Sweetgrass – Reading a little bit at a time. This week, I highlighted this passage: “The marvel of a basket is in its transformation, its journey from wholeness as a living plant to fragmented strands and back to wholeness again as a basket. A basket knows the dual powers of destruction and creation that shape the world. Strands once separated are rewoven into a new whole. The journey of a basket is also the journey of a people.”

What the Fresh Hell Is This? Perimenopause, Menopause, other Indignities, and You – Because I turned 40 and then thought… gosh I wonder what’s next. (I did read, and didn’t love, The Menopause Manifesto, so I’m interested if this take on the issue will resonate with me any more…)

I’m Only Wicked With You – Romance novel by Julie Anne Long, part of her Palace of Rogues series. Not loving it as much as the first two books in the series but not hating it enough to quit quite yet.

Books Read October 2022

This month I made it to 52 books read. My goal for this year is 60 books, which I think is within reach. But also, I don’t want to just speed through a bunch of short books for the sake of hitting that goal. I’ve decided I want to spend the winter wrapped in a blanket, sipping tea, and reading very lengthy tomes. Preferably in hardback. Suggestions welcome!

The Murder of Mr. Wickham by Claudia Gray – A Jane Austen inspired murder mystery that features the characters from Austen’s novels gathering for a house party at the house of Emma and Mr. Knightly. Marianne and Colonel Brandon are among the guests, as well as Lizzie Bennett (now Mrs. Darcy) and Mr. Darcy and their son. This book is so cleverly put together. It was a light and fun read and I really enjoyed reading about life after “happily ever after” for each of the couples. Gray has clearly thought through how each couple’s marriage plays out and the relationships she portrays feel entirely in keeping with the characters that Austen created. It was kind of like reading really good fan fiction, and I mean that as a total compliment. I will say, I felt that the actual murder plot was not entirely convincing, but then again, I don’t know that that was entirely the point of the book.

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas – 2017 YA novel about sixteen year old Starr, a black teenager who witnesses the fatal shooting of her childhood friend by a police officer. Starr goes to a private prep school in the suburbs, worlds away from the gritty neighborhood she lives in, and has become adept at navigating two worlds. The novel deals with how she deals with the aftermath of the shooting, wanting to do the right thing but afraid of the fallout for her community and for her family and for her very own life. I thought this book was really riveting and I stayed up late to finish it. Clearly all the accolades it has received are well deserved. I think my one quibble was with Starr’s white boyfriend from her fancy prep school; he often comes off as the token good white guy who integrates seamlessly into Starr’s life in a White Savior kind of way.

Mother Trucker: Finding Joy On the Loneliest Road in America by Amy Butcher – Butcher, a writer and professor in an emotionally abusive relationship, seeks out Joy “Mothertrucker” Weibe after discovering her on Instagram. Weibe is the only female ice trucker in Alaska, and Butcher is drawn to her seemingly independent and bad ass life. So Butcher contacts Weibe and asks to come visit and ride along with her as she drives up Dalton Highway, a remote and dangerous dirt and gravel road in Alaska. To be honest, I thought this book was going to be a profile on Weibe, or some kind of adventure travelogue. In the end, though, the book was more about Butcher herself and her journey to turn her life around – kind of like Wild, but with Joy “Mothertrucker” standing in for the Pacific Crest Trail as the catalyst for self discovery. That aspect I found a little disappointing because I really wanted to get a deep dive into Joy and life as an ice trucker, and instead she comes across as some kind of mystical wise woman. Still, there are some great details about what it is like to drive the Dalton Highway and there is a lot of brutally honest writing in this book about relationships and abuse. (So warning on that)

The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud, PhD, and Ned Johnson – I read Stixrud and Johnsons’ book “What Do You Say” earlier this year and found their scripts for parenting really helpful. The Self-Driven Child is their first book, and I would say it focusses less on scripts, but more on the science and strategies of how a parent fits into the life of their child, namely as a consultant and coach rather than as a dictator. Their book is based in a combination of brain science and real life experience through their work as a tutor/test prep instructor (Johnson) and a clinical psychologist (Stixrud). The book is well organized with tangible action steps at the end of each chapter, which I really liked. So often parenting books are all about theory and ideas but don’t give parents concrete steps they can do with their children I made so many highlights in this book that I feel as if I should just get my own copy. Some good things to remember:
“If you act as if it’s your job to see that your child does his homework, practices the piano, or plays a sport, you reinforce the mistaken belief that somebody other than he is responsible for getting his work done. He doesn’t have to think about it because, on some level, he knows that eventually someone will “make” him do it.” Such a good reminder that being overly involved does not serve your child well.
“Kids need responsibility more than they deserve it” – this one is a hard one for me, but makes sense upon reflection. I always thought that kids earned responsibility, but the book indicates that they have to grow into it and they can’t grow into it unless given the chance to do it.
“He began to suggest to parents that they make enjoying their kids their top priority so that their kids would have the experience of being joy-producing organisms.” I forget this one a lot. I just don’t enjoy my kids a lot of the time… and that shouldn’t be their problem. I definitely need to work on this one. Kids need to know that their value is not in their quantifiable achievements.
“But you’re in it with your kids for the long-haul, and part of being a parent is standing on the sidelines sometimes so that they can return to you for a hug and pep talk before going back out there. That’s where it’s most important for you to stand. So stand tall, don’t forget to cheer, and at the end of the day, remind them that you care much more about them than any stupid test score.”

You Can’t Be Serious by Kal Penn (audiobook read by Kal Penn) – Kal Penn is known for many things, but for me he will first and foremost be Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. I thought his memoir really fantastic, full of anecdotes from his time both as an actor and as an Obama staffer. He comes across as a really intelligent and thoughtful person. Because I myself went into a career that isn’t the most traditional one for Asian Americans, I always like hearing of other Asian Americans who went into non-traditional careers. What really struck me, though, was not just the anecdotes, but the really honest way he talks about being an Indian American in Hollywood. He does not shy away from calling out the racism that he encountered over and over again. From constantly being told that something would be funnier if he could do it with and accent (“What kind of accent? Scottish? Irish? Southern?” he would slyly ask.), to going up for an audition for an Indian character and the other person reading for the role being a white person in brown face, and many many more. And then, amazingly, he gets involved in politics and works in the White House for two years. The stories of his time on the campaign trail and in the Obama White House are really inspiring – full of such great details, but also a reminder of what a hopeful and decent time the Obama administration was. All in all I really enjoyed this book – it made me laugh out out, gasp with outrage, and warmed my heart.

Books Read July – September 2022

I feel like I got a lot of good reading in this summer, though September itself was not a big reading month because of work. I’m now filling my book queue with some books that I hope will be page turners, so I’ll be encouraged to read even when I’m having long days at work. But these past few months:

The Deep by Rivers Solomon, Daveed Diggs, William Hutson, and Jonathan Snipes, read by Daveed Diggs. This sci-fi novella centers around a group of water-breathing people who were descended from pregnant African slaves thrown overboard from slave ships as they crossed the Atlantic. It’s inspired by a song produced by the group Clipping for an episode of This American Life called We are the Future, which in the aftermath of George Floyd explored the concept of Afrofuturism. The Deep is a beautiful, raw, and evocative story which centers on Yetu whose role in her community is to hold the collective memory of her people since it is too painful for them all to remember themselves. She eventually leaves her people in order not to carry this burden. The way the novel’s water dwellers have created a world that is very different from the world we inhabit on land, I thought was a really thought provoking lens through which to think about things like race, gender, and collective history. Also Daveed Diggs of Hamilton! Apparently I will listen to any audiobook narrated by Hamilton cast members

Paperback Crush by Gabrielle Moss – This is a non-fiction book about the YA fiction genre of the 80s and 90s -Sweet Valley High, Babysitter’s Club, The Sunfire Series – pretty much the books I grew up reading. This book was a pure nostalgia trip! There were also some great interviews and details with the people who wrote these books and also an interview with an artist who did some of the cover art. That inside peek at how formulaic these books were was fascinating to me. The book does end somewhat abruptly, but before then it brought back so many memories of some of my formative reading years. Also, I definitely made notes of some books that seemed really interesting that I never read when I was a tween and which I might be interested in picking up now.

Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell – Novel that imagines the life of Shakespeare’s wife and children during the plague of 1596. I loved so much about this book – the elegant precision of the writing, the details of life in the 1600s, the way the characters were so fully drawn, the relationships, the Shakespeare references (even though he is never mentioned by name and indeed was a somewhat shadowing figure on the sidelines throughout), the exquisite sadness of the book. The ending – the beautiful, cathartic ending. I’m not a book crier, but this book brought a lump to my throat.

The Love of My Life by Rosie Walsh, read by Imogen Church and Theo Soloman – Domestic suspense novel of the “Woman in Peril” genre. This book was not what I expected, and in a good way. Without giving away anything, I’ll just say that I really liked how this book explored how love can be so complicated and so simple at the same time.

The Splendid and the Vile by Eric Larson – Larson recounts the first year of Winston Churchill’s term as Prime Minister of Great Britain and the beginning of WWII. This book looks at that time not only through the political and military lens, but also through the domestic and personal one. The book reminds me of the Virginia Woolf quote, “This is an important book, the critic assumes, because it deals with war. This is an insignificant book because it deals with the feelings of women in a drawing room.” Larson shows that war and drawing room feelings are both equally important – even against the backdrop of war, people still continued to live their lives, fall in love, have affairs, worry about their children. Even as history is being made, lives continued to be lived. I also felt there was a certain similarity between Londoners living through the Blitz and us living through COVID – the unrelenting tension of living life in a constant state of caution.

The Great Green Room by Amy Cary – I heard this biography recommended on the podcast What Should I Read Next. This is a book about Margaret Wise Brown, who wrote, among other things, the classic Good Night, Moon. I thought the book itself rather methodical and workman like in its prose, but the details of Brown’s life were interesting, particularly her ideas of what would appeal to children – insights that were I think notable given that she didn’t have children. Or maybe it’s because she didn’t have children that she was able to have such a unique perspective on what would interest them in a book.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca – This past summer, I read this blog post that broke down Goodread’s list of most popular romance novels of the past three years. Anyhow, I thought it was a hilarious analysis of the titles included in the list – most of which I haven’t read because I tend to read historical romance, and most of the titles were contemporary romances. But only three titles on the Goodread list made her “Loved” list. One of them was Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore, which I also loved, so I figured the other two books would be worth checking out. This was one of them. It did not disappoint. Well Met is set against the backdrop of a Renaissance Festival – so already it is sprinkled with my catnip. Anyhow this is a charming and sweet and funny book. I don’t always love first person narrative – which is probably why I don’t read a whole lot of contemporary romance – but the heroine in this book had such a hilarious personality that I didn’t mind much.

News of the World by Paulette Jiles – Spare yet perfectly pitched novella about Captain Jefferson Kydd, an elderly widower who makes a living going from town to town reading the news to people in the American Frontier in post Civil War America. He takes on the task of bringing a girl, Johanna, back to her relatives. Johanna’s parents had been killed by Kiowa raiders and she has been living with the Kiowa for the past four years and life with them was the only thing she has known. The journey Kydd and Johanna take is dangerous and without comfort, but along the way Kydd and Johanna, form a special bond even as they struggle to understand each other. Jile’s prose is so very good. The end left me a little teary eyed. One of my favorite passages:
“No, my dear, he said. He put his hand over hers, once again placed the fork correctly, and once again lifted it to her mouth. Then he sat on his own side of the wagon and saw her struggling with the fork, the knife, the stupidity of it, the unknown reasons that human being would approach food in this manner, reasons incomprehensible, inexplicable, for which they had not common language. She tried again, and then turned and threw the fork into a box stall.”

How to Keep House while Drowning by K.C. Davis – My house feels like a constant state of mess, so of course this book was appealing. Davis, who is a licensed profession therapist, approaches keeping house from a mental health standpoint and there were so may wise and gentle ideas in her book. My two main takeaways:
“Care tasks are morally neutral.” I really needed to hear this because often I think of my inability to keep things clean and tidy as a failure of some sort. And, I admit, I feel like I pass that feeling on to my kids. We are raised on the “Cleanliness next to Godliness” adage, but Davis reminds us:
“You can be a fully functioning, fully successful, happy, kind, generous adult and never be good at cleaning.” Taking away the feeling of guilt and shame associated with keeping a clean house helps me focus on the why I want to keep my house clean and how to achieve that goal, rather than wallowing in the parts of cleaning I find hard.
-Think about what it takes to make things functional, and start with that as your baseline. She also re-frames cleaning as “re-setting”. In thinking about how to reset my space every evening so that future me can function in the morning proves a really helpful framework for when things are overwhelming. So, for example, the dining room floor might not get swept, but the kitchen counter is clean so that I can make breakfast in the morning.
“Cleaning is endless. Resetting space has a goal.”
Even aside from the deep thoughts about cleaning and how to organize your life, Davis also has some really practical tips and strategies that I like. I found this book really helpful.

Broken Horses by Brandi Carlile, read by Brandi Carlile – When the Husband and I were first dating, he would listen to Brandi Carlile’s self titled debut album every single morning. We called it breakfast music. I thought Carlile’s memoir was a really great read/listen- she has a straightforward easy style of writing as one would expect from her music, and I really enjoyed hearing about her life. I was also really struck by how humble and hard-working she was. She doesn’t hide the hustle nor her good luck. An added bonus of the audiobook is that between chapters, she performs songs that she talks about in the previous chapter – it adds so much depths to hear Carlile sing a song after finding out what it meant to her.

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro – I usually really like Ishiguro, but this book took me a while to get into and I still don’t think I fully understand it. Ishiguro’s rather detached and naive prose style is probably quite suited for a story told through the eyes of an Klara, an Artificial Friend – an AI creation who goes to live with Josie, a very sick girl. Like most Ishiguro novels, the narrator doesn’t quite understand the whole picture and I actually found it frustrating in parts. I understand the narrative device as a means of exploring the idea of humanity, but the book just didn’t mesh for me like a lot of Ishiguro’s other books.

When We Lost Our Heads by Heather O’Neill – I picked up this book because it is set in Montreal and I like to read books set in my destination city when I’m travelling. This book was certainly well written – smart and satirical with characters all slightly off kilter. Set in late 19th century Montreal, it tells the story of two girls, Marie Antoinette and Sadie, who come from different backgrounds but both live in a wealthy section of Montreal. They become friends but then are separated after a tragic incident. They both grow up to tackle ideas of feminism in very different ways. This book really skewers men and the way they take women for granted and underestimate them. I thought the book very clever, but overall the style was a little heavy handed and stilted and I didn’t love it. A notable quote, though:
“The truth was, she had always liked being alone. Women never got to be alone. That was too much of a luxury. Women always had someone to take care of. She had o one to take care of. She got to really do what she pleased. She left her clothes on the side of the bed. There was no one who would yell at her for leaving them.”

Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall – This was the other book on NGS’s list of “loved” romance novels from the Goodreads list. I, too, loved this book. It was funny and swoony and heartfelt. It tells the story of screw up tangentially famous Luc O’Donnell who needs a fake boyfriend to save his career so his friend sets him up with the unimpeachable and slightly uptight barrister Oliver Blackwood. Slightly uptight and unimpeachable heroes are kind of my romance novel catnip so I enjoyed that aspect very much. But even aside from that this book balanced humour and sincere emotion perfectly. Such a good read.

Lovely War by Julie Berry narrated by Jayne Entwistle, Allan Corduner, Julie Berry, Dion Graham, Fiona Hardingham, John Lee, Nathanial Parker, Steve West – This novel had quite a clever framework – two intertwined love stories set against the back drop of WWI, told by Aphrodite. Yes, that Aphrodite. The Goddess of Love has been caught in an affair with the God of War and she must argue her case. Other also gods drop in to help tell the stories of love in time of war. The premise of the novel is quite clever, but the heart of the story lies in the journeys of hope and resilience the pair of lovers take – I thought it a really touching and engaging story. The audio version had different actors voice the different gods’ contribution, and I really enjoyed how each person brought a unique voice to each god.

Books Read in October 2021

Much delayed post, but there were a lot of books read in October. I think quitting Facebook has really helped me boost my time spent reading:

The Riches of this Land: The Untold True Story of America’s Middle Class by Jim Tankersley – I heard Tankersley interviewed on Fresh Air and immediately wanted to read his book. He was the first male journalist I heard talk seriously about the child care crisis in this country, particularly during the pandemic. Most of the time when you hear people talking about the childcare crisis in this country, it’s a woman. Moreover, when male journalists talk about the childcare crisis I find they often treat it like a minor problem among a sea of problems, but Tankersley fully acknowledged that the lack of affordable childcare in this country penalized women in way that it did not penalize men. Tankersley’s book is his exploration into how the idea of “middle class” in America has shifted through the years. What once a concept of, if not affluence, but at least of ease, is not longer that, particularly for women and underrepresented populations. Ultimately, he argues, we (particularly white men, he points out baldly) in this country need to recognize that there is enough to go around, and we have to work together to create policies that benefit everyone, not just those in the top income brackets. I thought it a very good read. He also had the sweetest most eloquent tribute to his dog in the acknowledgements; I seriously teared up reading it.

The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton, read by Kevin R. Free – Hinton spent thirty years on Death Row for two murders that he didn’t commit. Eventually Bryan Stevenson at the Equal Justice Initiative helps him win his freedom. I don’t think that’s a spoiler… the story of how Hinton finally got released is nail-bitingly suspenseful. Hinton’s memoir is an incredible story of hope and resilience in the face of a criminal justice system, and indeed a society, that is incredibly flawed and rank with prejudice. The book has surprising flashes of laughter as Hinton always seems to be able to find his faith and sense of humour even after going to some pretty dark places. This book made me angry in a lot of ways, but it also made me think about how we live both as individuals and as a larger society.

Hungry Monkey: A Food Loving Father’s Quest to Raise and Adventurous Eater by Matthew Amster-Burton – Amster-Burton is a food critic and writer and in this memoir/ recipe book details his efforts to feed his daughter Iris from first foods to pre-school snacks. There is something about this genre of dad memoir that feels to me a little disingenuous with its breezy, befuddled-dad tone and Gen X bourgeoisie – though, I fully admit that there are aspects of the latter that I embrace myself. But anyhow, the recipes and food ideas were actually pretty good and I’ve written some of them down to try.

My Year of Meats by Ruth Ozeki, read by Anna Fields – I had read about Ozeki’s latest book and when it proved unavailable on Libby, I picked up this earlier book of hers instead. The novel follows two parallel stories of Jane a tv producer who is working on a Japanese television series on meat in the American household, and of Akiko a bulimic Japanese housewife who watches the show. The book is billed as a satirical look at the television and meat industries, and though I didn’t find it particularly humorous, I liked the way Ozeki tackled the idea of dismantling and institution from within. Content warning – it does feature domestic abuse, and that’s not something I generally like reading about, particularly in an audiobook.

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner -(4h 46m) In her memoir, Zauner, who is half Korean half Caucasian, writes about her attempts to connect with her Korean roots and deal with losing her mother to cancer. There is an H Mart up the road from me and I love wandering the aisles and seeing all the familiar food and kitchen stuffs from my childhood, and also all the different ingredients from other countries. The book is about so much more than just food, but Zauner describes Korean food so beautifully that I could practically taste it as I read. My favorite passage: “Sobbing near the dry goods, asking myself, Am I even Korean anymore if there’s no one left o call and ask which brand of seaweed we used to buy?” I have never cried in H Mart, but I definitely have felt that sense of being lost in a store full of familiar things.

Bright Ray of Darkness by Ethan Hawke -(4h 39m) The Husband picked up this book from the library, and I started reading the first chapter because I was intrigued by what kind of book a famous Hollywood actor could write and if it could be any good. And it was. Very good. Hawke’s novel follows the main character, a somewhat dissolute Hollywood actor, going through a very public divorce while making his Broadway debut and trying to be a good father and a good son. I loved all the details of theatre life – so familiar but from such a different perspective from my own. The Hawke’s writing manages to feel really focused even when his character isn’t, allowing the readers to really understand the character before he understands himself.

Northern Spy by Flynn Berry – (3h 40 mins) A taut novel about two sisters who get entangled with the Irish Republican Army and the choices they make when they decide who, and what, they want to stand for. I had picked this book up on the recommendation of someone from my book group. This was definitely a page turner that I stayed up late to finish.

What God is Honored Here? Edited by Shannon Gibney and Kao Kalia Yang – This is a selection of essays written by Indigenous women and women of colour about their experiences with miscarriage and still birth. Each essay was so raw and emotional that I found I had to read my way through the book slowly, giving myself space between each essay. I’ve had several miscarriages, and while on they are very common, I think that I go back and forth between thinking of it as simply a medical issue on the one hand, and on the other hand something that is gut-wrenchingly difficult to go through and process.

Magic For Liars by Sarah Gailey read by Xe Sands – A novel that combines mystery with fantasy when PI Ivy Gamble is asked to investigate a murder at The Osthorne Academy of Young Mages where her estranged sister teaches. I thought this book was a lot of fun and Ivy Gamble’s voice was such a great combination of world weariness and reluctant compassion. I’m not a huge fan of fantasy and worlds where you can just use magic as a way to get by illogical plot points, but I thought this book was pretty good.

Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About The Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans, by Michaeleen Doucleff – (5h, 31m) Doucleff is an NPR correspondent who wrote this book after visiting a Maya village and noticing how they seemed to parent in a way that she was completely unfamiliar with as a Western Parent. She visits three villages and this book is about what she learns from their different parenting styles. I will say there is a lot that is click-bait-y about this book in it’s proclamation that Americans are doing parenting all wrong and that these different cultures have it figured out. It seems to be the latest in a long line of “Americans are parenting wrong!” books. While I think there are some useful points in this book, ultimately there was something about the book that didn’t sit well with me. First of all, I don’t think there is any “one size fits all” parenting advice; there is an infinite variety of parent/child combinations and every one operates differently. Secondly, I found a lot of Doucleff’s examples to be incredibly gendered. She writes a lot about how these cultures raise kids that are helpful, but in most of the examples she uses to illustrate her points it is the daughters tasked with helping around the house and caring for younger siblings. Furthermore, most of the conversations she has with parents in these villages are with the mothers. Fathers are largely silent. So while I think there are valuable lessons to be learned in Doucleff’s book about allowing your child autonomy and encouraging independence, I felt that her book perpetuated a lot of traditional gender roles in parenting. Which is not a fault, per se, but I think in a year when women have been hit so hard by pandemic care-giving, and women’s rights are being taken away in the name of progress, it’s not a message that I find comforting.

Books Read – September 2021

The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins, read by Emily Shaffer, Kirby Heyborne, and Lauren Forgang– Jane Eyre is one of my all time favorite books, so this thriller, a contemporary take on the Bronte Classis was kind of my catnip. Mr. Rochester has always been one of my literary crushes and I sort of loved seeing a take on him that was not the Byronic hero. It actually made me see how the original Mr. Rochester could be seen as quite a toxic character. I listened on audiobook and it was gripping – I’ve decided that thrillers/mysteries are one of my favorite audiobook genres.

Severance by Ling Ma – I think I actually read this this summer. I read a hard copy borrowed from the library, so it’s a little hard to tell. This novel tells the story of Candace Chen, an office worker bee. When a global pandemic hits the world, she finds herself joining up group of people who are travelling to a mysterious destination, trying to stay healthy and alive and not dissolve into anarchy. Certainly a timely book to read during COVID times, the book made me think about themes of family and permanence and what we cling to when the world shuts down.

The Hopefuls by Jennifer Close, read by Jorjeana Marie– This novel is about a couple, Beth and Matt, who move to DC when the husband gets a job in the Obama administration. They meet another political couple, Jimmy and Ashleigh, and the two couples’ personal and political lives become entangled. A deliciously soap opera of a book. I really liked the glimpses of DC, and all the familiar landmarks and restaurants that were mentioned. It made me long for my youthful twenties and indoor dining.

The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow -(6h, 30m) – Hadlow’s novel tells the story of Mary Bennet, the oft ignored middle sister from Pride and Prejudice. Hadlow manages to write a book that feels very much of the same family as Austen, with the same dry wit and insightful observations of humans learning to live in society. I especially loved getting to see Lizzy and Darcy from an outsider’s point of view.

Four Hundred Souls ed. Ibram X. Kendi and Keish N Blain, written and read by various people– This book is a collection of writings that tell the history of Black people in America. Each writer takes on a five year span starting from 1619 – when the ship the White Lion brings “some 20-and-odd Negros” to Virginia – to the present day. I would hesitate to call it a collective history because so many of the chapters are about and individual experience, and I don’t think that any one individual can tell the history of the whole. The majority of the stories in this book are events or people that I’ve never heard about, and that makes me realize that the idea of “history is written by the victors” is incredibly problematic. Stories of oppression and injustice need to be told and not just a casualty of the dominant culture writing the history books.

The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson – (4h 25m) This novel combines two obscure bits of Kentucky history – the Pack Horse Library Project of the 1930s and the blue people of Kentucky. Cussy Mary Carter is one of the blue people- people with a genetic condition that makes their skin blue. She works delivering books to people in rural Kentucky who do not have access to them.

Hench by by Natalie Zina Walschots – (7h, 3m) This satirical novel is about Anna, an office worker who happens to work in the office of a Super Villain. As Anna rises professionally, she dismantles the mythology of Super Heroes. It’s a perceptive look at work place dynamics and how everything has a flip side and that flip side is very flawed and human. I enjoyed this book immensely.

Madeline’s World: A Biography of a Three Year Old by Brian Hall – This is a very detailed account of the first three years in the life of Hall’s daughter Madeline, beginning with her birth. It was fascinating and tedious… much like young children. Hall’s careful observation of Madeline’s every move, sound, gesture, and development certainly made me feel like I was missing out on a lot of my child’s life. But then again, if someone paid me to write a book about the minutia of a baby/toddler, I might be more observant. I’m somewhat kidding on that. My favorite observation in the book, in reference to his daughter’s preference for an image in a book over the real thing: “… it did unsettle me that she was thus learning, so early, to value the representation over the real.” I do think about this a lot… how to have children live in a world of real things. And who gets to define that?

Invisible Women:Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez – (8h 1m) Criado Perez is a journalist and advocate who focusses on women’s rights and issues. In her book, she details the many ways that women are left to a disadvantage because of a failure to account for them when data is collected using a male default. Reading this book made me so angry because by not accounting for the data of women, it creates a world that is unsafe, unhealthy and unfair for women. From crash test dummies to signs of heart attacks, from not valuing the unpaid work of women in GDP to not realizing the value of a diverse leadership, women are at a disadvantage and in many cases it is literally killing them. One of the most findings I found most upsetting was how the lack of gendered bathroom facilities in places with communal restrooms – ie. refugee camps, third world countries, etc. – creates an environment where women don’t feel safe going to the bathroom alone or at night because of the real possibility of being assaulted. “When planners fail to account for gender,” she writes, “public spaces become male spaces by default.” Such an eye opening read.

Books Read in April 2021

A lot of audiobooks this month. Some really fun and fluffy reads and some reads that made me think about economic inequities and how does one get ahead in life.

Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup by John Carreyrou, read by Will Damron – Engrossing and fascinating story of Elizabeth Holmes and her fraudulent biotech startup Therenos. The whole story of how Holmes became a Silicon Valley darling through brazen lies, cover ups and threats had me riveted. Then the book gets into how Carreyrou, a Wall Street Journal reporter, pursued the story, and the book ratcheted up to a whole other level of suspense and intrigue. I read this shortly after I read Rutger Bregman’s Utopia for Realists, and I found really compelling the contrast between Bregman’s advocacy for a 15 hour work week, and the intense and unhealthy pressure of Silicon Valley.

Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore – 5h 14m. Fun romance novel about suffragette and scholar Annabelle Archer and the Duke that she targets in order to further the women’s movement. The plot was forgettable, but the characters were really fun and well written. The Duke of Montgomery is my romance hero catnip – the stiff do-gooder who is desperately trying to do the right thing when the “right thing” is to not fall in love. A la Mr. Darcy.

The Dutch House by Ann Patchett, read by Tom Hanks – This book was vaguely on my To Be Read list, but then I saw that Tom Hanks performs the audiobook and I immediately put it on my Read/Listen Now list. The novel, about the children who are left behind when their mother leaves them, thoughtfully explores what we call home and the people we let into our lives. Hanks’ narration is breezy and casual and curious – his approach is more of reading the book aloud and discovering it with the listener, rather than trying to dramatically bring the story to life.

How to Eat a Peach by David Chang with Gabe Ulla – 6h 8m. Memoir by the chef behind Momofuku. I put this book on hold after hearing an interview with Chang on Fresh Air. In his memoir, Chang talks about his rise to the top of the food world and the sense of urgency and drive that kept him there. He is also really honest about the racism and classism in the food industry – how pasta, for example, is expensive and “fancy”, but noodles are expected to be cheap.

In Five Years by Rebecca Serle – 3h, 26m. A “what if” novel about a young lawyer Danni who gets a glimpse of her future – literally she wakes up five years in the future and after a few hours returns to her present – and then spends the rest of the novel wondering how she gets there. This book was a little unexpected for me. But, of course, the future often is.

Block Chain Chicken Farm by Xiaowei Wang – 5 h, 39m. I can’t remember how this book ended up in my holds list, but it was a fascinating read. In a series of essays, Wang explores how technology, globalization, and capitalism has affected rural China. In doing so she really makes a case that the idea that rural culture is backwards and urban living, specifically Western urban living, is the ideal is quite dehumanizing for much of China’s population.
“Metronormativity fuels the notion that the internet, technology, and media literacy will somehow “save” or “educate” rural people, either by allowing the to experience the broader world, offering other livelihoods, or reducing misinformation.”
Technology must be adapted to the people that it should serve, not the other way around. But a lot of technology these days is designed around a very homogeneous user – for example, if someone in rural China doesn’t know pin yin (a method of transliterating Chinese characters) a lot of technology is unavailable to them. A very thought provoking read. (Also – can someone explain blockchain to me? I feel like there was a whole section of the book I didn’t quite understand.)

Nomadland by Jessica Bruder, read by Karen White – Bruder follows the lives of RV and van dwellers – modern day nomads, many of whom were forced into the wandering life in their middle ages (and later) because of life circumstances. Picking up jobs where they can – at Amazon factories, at campsites, farms – these migrants have learned to build a life for themselves as fewer and fewer Americans can afford to retire. Bruder’s book really challenges the idea that we are sold whereby if you work hard you can save up to retire comfortably. The people that Bruder meet meet life with creativity and resilience and surprising hope. It’s a sympathetic, yet unsentimental look at life on the road.

Reading with the Kids:
Prairie Lotus by Linda Sue Park. Read aloud with the nine year old. When Park, who is Korean-American, was little, she often would imagine that she was Laura Ingalls best friend, even while recognizing the racism of the Little House books. Prairie Lotus was her attempt to reconcile that conflict. The book tells the story of Hanna, a half Chinese girl who travels to the Dakota Territory with her father to start a new life in a new town. Park’s writing was filled with a lot of great details about frontier life and the people of that time and doesn’t shy away from issues of racism.

Gregor the Overlander by Suzanne Collins, read by Paul Boehmer – While watching his two year old sister one day, Gregor falls down a chute in the laundry room and finds himself in the Underland, a world full of giant bats, snakes, rats as well as humans. Realizing this world might be the clue to finding his missing father, Gregor goes on a quest to find him. We listened to this audiobook on our way to and from school this month. While the plot was certainly engaging, I had a lot of anxiety over the idea of a twelve year old questing with a his baby sister strapped to his back. Also it’s one of those books where the point of the quest seems to be to kill off as many questers as possible… which is not really my jam.

Stargazing by Jennifer Wang – graphic novel. I’ve been trying to borrow more diverse books for my kids and this was one that check out for the nine year old. I decided to read it myself before returning. When Moon and her mother move in to the in law unit belonging to Christine’s family, the two Chinese American girls become friends despite their differences. A warm story about both having good friends and being a good friend, and the complicated feelings that friends can bring. I thought this was a lovely book.

Picture Books: Some that’s we’ve been enjoying this month
Toro Gomi’s simple picture books.
Brian Biggs Tinyville Town Gets to Work, about a town that builds a new bridge to solve a traffic problem.
Joyce Wan’s The Whale in My Swimming Pool, and The Bear in My Bed, two books about a little boy who finds large animals in inconvenient places. Sophie’s Squash by Pat Zietlow Miller, about a little girl who adopts a squash.