A few weeks ago, I signed on to a free online parenting class offered by the Parenting Encouragement Program. It is supposed to be a seven week course, but I could only make one night out of seven. The class I went to was about rituals and routines. At one point the class leader asked, “What routines do you have that make you feel grounded?”
I found myself raising my hand. “What do you mean by ‘grounded’?” I asked.
I can’t for the life of me remember exactly what the response was, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot during this busy busy season. To me, it means those things that make me feel stable and human. Those things that, when it seems like life is out of control and I’m starting to spin in my head, those things that remind me that we are human beings, not human doings. Rituals and routines that give me a bit of mental space so that I have the capacity for more inputs.
I do feel silly about how hard I found this past week. I mean I make opera; I don’t perform heart surgeries on babies. It’s not life and death. (I mean, not literally.) But it was a hard week, mentally and physically for me.
When I was writing the title of this post, asking myself, “What things ground me this week?” I thought – well, to be honest, tech really ground me to a pulp this week. Isn’t there a beautiful irony in that? The things that make me feel grounded are the things that I really need when life is grinding me up and spitting me out.
Here are a few things:
Tea in a mug. I often bring tea in my travel mug, but lately I’ve been re-discovering the tactile sense of connection of drinking out of a mug, the heat seeping into my hands and warming all of me. Drinking hot tea, strong and steaming, pulls me into a moment of just being and feeling present.
Short hot hot hot hot showers. I’m not a shower every day kind of person. I’m not even a shower every other day person. But this past week, I found that three minutes under a steaming hot blast of water was cathartic. I would drag myself up in the morning, after getting home past midnight. Sometimes during tech I decide sleep trumps showers. But these days I have to be up to pack lunches anyway, so I get up, feeling like the hard hard rehearsal the night before was still clinging to me. And even though I barely had time in the morning, I turn the water on super hot and jump in the shower, just long enough to breathe the steam and feel the sting of water burning my skin. And came out feeling like I’m going to make it through the day.
Classical music on the way into work. I have an audiobook for my long commutes to the theatre, but this week, on the way in, I just wanted to listen to classical music – I wanted the soothing, wordless melodies – anything with words would be too much. My mind could trace the musical lines as I listened, but also my mind could wander and problem solve and think about the day ahead. I think while part of being grounded is about being fully present in the moment, there is part of being in the moment that is also about thinking of the problems ahead. The challenges of the day are also part of the present moment. I know that people talk about mindfulness as being in the now, but I think the now is also made up of aspects of past and future as well.
Holding my son’s hand. The seven year old is in my show. (Which, on reflection, wasn’t a great idea for the family – it’s certainly has pushed us to activity capacity and the late nights have messed up a lot of things.) Some days he comes to the theatre before the child minder is on duty, so I take him out to the house with me where he sits in the seats behind me as I put cues in my book. He holds my hand as we walk around backstage and that little warm firm grasp reminds me that here is a living breathing human that I somehow pushed into the world, and how awesome is that?
The routine. Getting up in the morning and packing lunches – two slices of bread, two slices of cheese, two slices of ham. Apple, sliced. Five slices of cucumbers. One cookie. Feed the kids. What is important right now? Not obsessing about how to fit in 40 minutes of chorus break in a 4 hour rehearsal, but rather, packing this lunch so that the kids aren’t hungry at lunchtime. I don’t know how I’m going to fit in all those breaks, but I do know that we will get in the car at 9:55am to catch the school bus at 9:06am.
Expressing gratitude. For the Husband, for good colleagues, for the fine weather (that I don’t get to see). For being so very damn lucky that I get to make opera for a living.
What grounds you these days? What is grinding you up these day?
I’m writing this post as part of NaBloPoMo – click on the icon below to see who else if participating. You can also leave me questions for an upcoming “Ask me Anything” post via this link. Happy reading and writing everyone!
Love this, Diane, and sure, it’s not life or death but it’s still your job and you want to do it well! Your life is super busy! I like what you do to stay grounded. About a year ago I heard on a podcast that a woman uses REM REM for her mental health – reading, exercise, meditation, and REM sleep. I adopted that for my own but added yoga and made it Spanish – REM Y REM. That is what keeps me grounded every day! Also coffee.
Ooffffff how much I love this post!!! Today was morning from hell so I can def use some grounding strategies.
What I think grounds me: a hot cup of coffee, that very first one. Lightbulbs turning on in my brain, one by one. making breakfast for the kids: a half a small bagel, yoghurt with nuts and berries, milks.
What grinds me into the ground: loosing my voice to the cold. Not being able to use my voice when I teach the material, sounding weak and helpless. Crazy mornings like today. Not doing things in advance as we should, then everyone is getting ready as I am getting ready. Being on my cycle and having to fumble with supplies.
Great post! Tea is a big one for me. Lately I’ve been loving the Starbucks holiday cups but I agree- there’s something special about drinking from a real mug.
Classical music is also one of mine. I like to stream WFMT, which is the classical station in Chicago. This was literally playing in my house constantly growing up, and it’s very soothing. THE PROBLEM IS, in the morning they have a couple minutes of news at the top of every hour and GAAAAAAHHHH. It’s a little tough nowadays.
I do love a hot cuppa! There is just something about holding a warm glass that makes you feel warm inside as well as out. I will often make a cup in the evening when I am winding down. However, I also love a hot coffee in the morning when I am winding up! The other things that ground me are walks or runs outside, having things in their place and, I am with you on this, a hot hot shower. I like my skin to be nice a pink when I get out!
Thank you for writing that down. I need t think on what is grounding me…
I love your tea in a mug response. It is a difference if you drink it from a cup and can fold your fingers around the steaming cup. It is soothing. The fragrance enveloping. Ahhhhh.
Oh come to think of it… I think lighting a candle is grounding me these days.
I love this! What a warm, fuzzy post – just what I needed to read.
My favourites were the warm mug (YES, the mug feel matters and really elevates the experience) and holding your sons hand.
And I also find the restorative effects of a scalding shower can be extremely impressive! It really helps me reset, wake up, and feel like I have a clean slate in at least one department of my life (like you I don’t shower on a set schedule).
Oh goodness, I cannot handle a scalding hot shower. I like it warmish in the summer, and definitely warm to hot in the winter, but never HOT. I do not want my skin to be pink when I get out.
I love listening to familiar music when I need to be grounded, and nothing too crazy. I like what Nichole said about REM Y REM, those are good for me too, though I don’t meditate, so I guess it would be REY REM, which is starting to sound like REDRUM, so that’s not good.
I love your tea and your son’s hand and the music in the car. I’m going to try to remember to stream Jenny’s station tomorrow. I can’t listen to too much news right now, because THAT is grinding me down, but a bit followed by classical music sounds lovely.
The current news situation/state of American politics is very grinding these days.