Books Read, May 2025 + recommend me a book!

Not a book, but book related thought lately – I went to see the opera Porgy and Bess with my 13 year old a few weeks ago. I had last seen this show ten years ago and I found I had a very different reaction to it this time around. (Spoiler alert…) Porgy and Bess tells the story of a Black community living in Catfish Row in South Carolina. Porgy, a disabled bigger is in love with Bess, taking her in when her violent murdering boyfriend flees from the law. At the end of the opera, Bess takes off for New York with her drug dealer. When Porgy finds out, he decides to go after her. Curtain. End of opera.

The first time I saw the opera, when the curtain came down at the end, I thought, “wait, that’s it?!?!”. I found the ending really unsatisfactory. I wanted Porgy to find Bess and have a happy ending. Or him to die on the way to NY, or Bess to die… something that felt like an ending, not a beginning. But the opera doesn’t tell you what happens to Porgy after he leaves Catfish Row. We don’t even know if he makes it to New York.

Watching the opera ten years later, though, this ending did not bother me as much. Maybe because I already knew what was going to happen? But maybe also because I’m ten years older and my expectations of narratives and story arcs have changed over the years. I was thinking about this because the 13 year old’s reaction to the ending was the same as my reaction ten years ago. She wanted to know what happened to Porgy. (She also had some choice words for Bess, saying he didn’t deserve him.) I read Katherine Graham’s memoirs in my twenties, and when I got to the part where she got married, I realized that we were only about 1/3 of the way through the book – there was still another four hundred pages to go. I remember that being kind of a narrative-challenging light bulb moment for me, this realization that there is a lot of life ahead of a person after marriage and that the narratives I had come to expect weren’t the only narratives out there, fiction or non-fiction.

I wouldn’t want to read a romance novel that doesn’t end with a happily ever after, but for other fiction, I think I’m okay with inconclusive endings. I think I can read a book where the real story is in the journey and not the destination. I still do like a book where the ending is tied up neatly, but when the ending is inconclusive, I don’t find it as unsatisfying as I used to. I no longer think it’s the author’s job to fill in all the blanks for me. I can think and speculate about what there’s character’s lives look like after “The End”. I felt like this about Clear. Lisa noted that the ending seemed abrupt to her, and I agree – I do wish that I knew what happened to the three main characters. But I also loved the journey they all went on before they end of the book, and I realized that was the story that the author wanted to tell. It might not be about where a character ends up geographically, but rather where they end up internally.

Anyhow – what about you? Do you like books with endings that feel final? Or do books with nebulous endings appeal to you too?

On to books read last month. I read more books that I usually do, a lot of them on audio since I was commuting a lot. Nothing outstandingly amazing, but each very engrossing in their own ways…

Master Slave Husband Wife: An Epic Journey from Slavery to Freedom by Ilyon Woo – This non-fiction book tells the story of Ellen and William Craft, who escape from slavery by boldly pretending that Ellen was a sickly white man and William was her servant. They board a train in Georgia and travel north to Boston. The escape spans about half the book, and the rest of the book tells about how the flee to England (via Nova Scotia!) and become famous speakers against slavery. The Crafts’ story is so amazing and this book is filled with many historical details, giving readers a descriptive sense of America at the time. One thing that really made me think – I knew that very few slaves could read or write, but when it is put in context of pretending to be a white gentleman, it is amazing to me that the Crafts managed to pull off their escape. Think about all the little things you have to read or write when travelling – schedules, tickets, hotel ledgers, menus. When the Crafts arrive in Boston and one of their first requests was to learn to read – that was such an emotional moment for me:

“Ellen had come of age in a house where education was prized, but denied to her-where she had only been able to stare at the alphabet in secret. Here was a new beginning, evidenced in the tentative series of loops and lines that she formed in her own hand-spectral, fleeting traces that she drew, erased, and drew, again, to spell out her name, Ellen.”

― Ilyon Woo, Master Slave Husband Wife, p. 137

This is a gripping and fascinating non-fiction read, if you are looking for narrative non-fiction – well written and detailed.

Stage Kiss by Amelia Jones – This romance novel tells the story of two actors performing as Elizabeth and Darcy in a touring production of a Pride and Prejudice musical. And the tour is stopping in DC. So many things in that plot summary are my catnip – Jane Austen retelling! Theatre! Set in DC! In truth, this book wasn’t the best romance novel I’d ever read – the attempts to parallel P&P are a bit of a stretch at times – but I had a fun time reading about my world in a romance novel – I could picture the places they were and the walks they took. I don’t know that it’s a super accurate depiction of my work life, but who cares? Okay, the one part that made my jaw drop, though, was when the two main characters had sex in the dressing room while in costume! I’m pretty sure dressing room sex happens all the time, but IN COSTUME!!!!?!?!?! I mean we don’t even let people sit on the ground or eat in costume. Having sex in costume is just irresponsible.

The Switch by Beth O’Leary narrated by Alison Steadman and Daisy Edgar-Jones – Okay, fun P&P link here – Allison Steadhm played Mrs. Bennet in the iconic (and to my mind the best) BBC P&P adaptation. The Switch tells the story of Leena and her grandmother Eileen who are both in a bit of a rut, so they switch homes for two months; Leena takes her grandmother’s house in rural Yorkshire and Elieen will take Leena’s flat in London. I was looking for a sweet fun audiobook, and having enjoyed O’Leary’s Flatshare, I picked this one up, liking that the premise featured an older protagonist. The plotting is not as tight and flowing as Flatshare, but I still really liked this book and seeing how Leena and Eileen’s journey unfolded. I particularly liked Eileen’s attempts at dating and friendship as a senior citizen – Eileen is a quietly bad ass character.

Why We Make Mistakes by Joseph T. Hallinan, read by Marc Cashman – This book was recommended to me by a co-worker and I read it because I had been thinking a lot about choices I was making that didn’t always seem to be the right ones. Journalist Hallinan explores the reasons behind mistakes and missteps and human error. This book read like a compilation of scientific research over the years about how human behavior is fallible. There were lots of interesting tidbits. As an overthinker, the part that really stuck with me was when Hallinan talked about how statistically, having more information does not necessarily make for more correct choices. So when I dither on making a decision because I feel like I need more information, that’s really my own reluctance to commit, not necessarily because I truly need more information. There was also an interesting discussion about how amateurs sometimes can catch mistakes that experts miss because they are looking at something with unbiased eyes. Often experts expect something to be a certain way, so they don’t read information carefully, glossing over details that they perceive as correct. Lot of interesting things to ponder, but to be honest, I feel like this book could also have been just as useful if it had been a podcast or magazine article as well.

Mad About You by Mhairi McFarlane – This book was my 13 year old’s suggestion. It’s one of those books that is marketed as a romance, but really the romance aspect is secondary to the main character figuring out their life. Wedding photographer Harriet calls off her wedding to a perfect on paper man and moves in with Cal Clark who is also reeling from a broken engagement. Cal is a conveniently nice and sweet guy, but he’s the least interesting part of the book – he’s kind of a narrative box checker. The meat of this novel is about how Harriet, with the help of her friends, learns to free herself from the trauma of past relationships and help others do the same. The best parts of the book, I thought, were those friendships, and also I admit, I did love the details of her job as a wedding photographer. When I asked the 13 year old what she liked about this book, she said she liked that the romance wasn’t the main point, but that a lot of the book was about Harriet figuring things out for herself. I thought that was a pretty cool observation on her part.

A Tempest of Desire by Lorraine Heath, read by Will Watt – This romance novel tells the story of Marlowe, a famous courtesan (though really, she’s 22 years old and has only had one lover in her life, so I felt like courtesan is kind of a misnomer). Marlowe flies hot air balloons as a hobby, and during one stormy flight, she crash lands on the island of Viscount Langdon. They shelter together until the storm passes and then have to navigate their mutual attraction once they return to London society. I think there were a lot of great character details – Marlow’s impoverished childhood, Langdon suffering from an affliction as a result of a train accident – all of it well researched and detailed. The plot itself is pretty slight, and the ending rather abrupt, but I still enjoyed it. Truth, though, the appeal of this book was 95% Will Watt’s narration. He just has the kind of voice that you can sink into and he imbues every word with a panoply of emotion and intent. This is one of those romance novels that are part of a huge series, and every character that seemed interesting probably has their own book.

The Crucible by Arthur Miler – LA Theatre Works production – This wasn’t strictly a book, but an audio version (borrowed via Libby) of the famous play. I had, shockingly, never read the play; it wasn’t required reading in high school. Early this year, a theatre friend of mine was singing the praises of the play John Procter is the Villain, now on Broadway, and I confessed:

Since the opera version is on the horizon for me, I thought it a good a time as any to finally discover Miller’s iconic work. It’s all kinds of messed up, isn’t it? I just felt icky at the end. Which I guess is kind of the point. I love LATW production of plays – I should listen to more of them.

On my Proverbial Night Stand (I realize that a lot of these books were in progress last month too…)
Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela – I’ve been reading 15-20 pages of this book every day because I am detirmined to finish it before out trip to South Africa. It’s really gripping and inspiring.

Three Bags Full by Leonie Swan – Sheep solve mysteries I’m having a really hard time concentrating on this book, to be honest. But when I do managed to have a big chunk of time to give this book, I love it.

The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencio, read by the author – I saw this book in an interview with Jose Andres as the book he most wished he could require the President to read. It tells about how illegal immigrants are inextricably woven into the fabric of our lives in America. The narration is a little dry, but the stories open my eyes and break my heart.

On another note….

Anyone want to recommend a book to read during my trip to South Africa? Things that check boxes for a vacation read for me:

  • Gripping, immersive plot. (I like good writing and character driven books too, but for travel I definitely want a page turner)
  • Average length – not too long (don’t want to pack a huge tome), not too short (or else I’ll finish it too soon.)
  • Characters who are smart and trying to do the right thing, whatever that means to them.
  • I like most fiction genres. Memoir or narrative non fiction also would be of interest. Fantasy or Sci-fi if there isn’t too much world building.
  • Bonus points if it’s set in South Africa or London, written by an underrepresented demographic, has a bit (or a lot) of romance, or looks at a kind of niche subject/location/historical period.
  • Books I’ve read in the past that I would consider perfect for vacation: The House on the Cerulean Sea, Where’d You Go Bernadette?, Agatha Christie novels, The Great Believers, Hunger Games Trilogy, Ministry of Time, Fleishman is in Trouble, Harlem Shuffle, The Monsters We Defy, Nothing to See Here.

Things I don’t care for:
-Unreliable narrators
-Suicide, sexual assault, or graphic violence

If you have any thoughts, I’m all ears!

Weekly recap + what we ate: Good bye, May. Hello, June!

Night at the Opera!

Last week was a very Maycember week. The 13 year old’s swim team practice started, though it was really cold and rainy and she ended up only going to one practice. I had an unusually full week of work as the opera season wound down – I worked on a workshop of a piece we’re doing next Spring; we’re commissioning a new book and new arrangements. The workshop was a very fly by the seat of my pants affair – the first day I climbed the equivilent of 20 flights of stairs as I ran around making things were happening that needed ot happen – in the end, though, it was fun to see as new show all come together. We also had feedback and post mortem sessions at work where we talked about how things went on the last show. I really appreciate how everyone spoke frankly and with open minds. I had lunch with my dad one day, which was nice because my parents often want to come help out when the Husband has to essentially solo parent during my busy times at work so when they are here, I don’t get much one on one time with them because I’m always at work. I’m glad my dad and I made time to have lunch.

Friday night was the piano recital for both the 8 year old and the 13 year old. I had to work on Friday – we did end of season feedback sessions – and barely made it to the recital in time. This is probably the last year that the 13 year old will play in the younger kids’ recital, which means two recitals for us from here on out- one for the oldest and one for the middle kid.

Saturday was First Communion for the 8 year old. When the oldest had first communion it was during COVID, and the church was much less crowded than this time. I was not prepared for the sheer mass of humanity that filled the church on Saturday morning. Because our church has such an international congregation, the readings were done in English (the Husband did the first reading!), French, and Spanish. (I said to the Husband that we should have sent the 8 year old to French religious ed classes!). But the other fun thing was the pageant of international fashion on display – saris and dashikis and caftans in bright and bold hues. Hats and high heels. People really brought it, and I loved seeing it all.

After the service, we went home, had a quick family meeting, and then went out to lunch. I was then anticipating a lazy afternoon at home, but the weather had other issues. There was a tornado warning in our area and a whole lot of rain in a very short amount of time. Mid afternoon, my father texted that there was water in his basement unit. The husband and I grabbed armfuls of towels and headed over to my father’s house where we spent the next hour and a half cleaning up water. Not originally on my Bingo card for the day, but what can you do?

Once we got everything cleaned up, we raced to pick up pizza and went home to throw towels into the laundry and then change into nice clothes because the Husband, the 13 year old and I had tickets to the opera that night. My father was going to stay home with the two little kids for pizza and movie night. It was a mad rush to get to the theatre and we actually missed the first ten minutes or so of the show. Funny story, though, I got to the theatre and realized that I didn’t have my glasses with me; I was wearing my sunglasses! I found out later that the glasses were in the sunglass case and had fallen out of my purse during the mad water/pizza/clean up episode. Well, I guess my options were to take my sunglasses off and watch the opera in a blur – I told the Husband that after all, isn’t opera about the music? – or wear the sunglasses for the show. I chose the latter and the opera had a lovely sepia tinged quality to it.

Sunday was the usual mix of activities – Agility class and then skating. This Sunday, however, we also had the 13 year old’s voice recital right after skating. It was one of those days where everyone just piles in the van and gets to go to each other’s activities.

While the little kids skated, the 13 year old and the Husband and I had a lovely little walk on the trail next to the rink. I am becoming acutely aware that our time with the oldest is growing shorter and shorter. She was an only child for the first five years of her life and I think we all miss the days when it was just the three of us. Rose coloured glasses and all that, but there was something really sweet and fun about those times. I love our family unit of five, yet at the same time, anytime we can have moments of what we like to call “the original” family, it feels really special.

The voice recital was lovely – I like how her voice teacher frames it as just another chance to practice. We practice technique and we also practice singing in front of people. After the recital we went to an early dinner at a Mediterranean/kabob place. It was super tasty – I got the Mediterranean platter which had salad, grape leaves, falafel, hummus, and white bean salad. Then we went home and finally felt like we could rest. Well, first there were baths and Bluey and then bedtime for the kids. While I took care of that, the Husband drove my father to the airport as he was headed home. He had been staying here in Maryland since the beginning of May and it was so nice to have him in the fabric of our lives.

Anyhow, we’re now into a new month! June! That interstitial time between the end of a school year and the beginning of the next one. Reflecting on the month that was…

May highlights:
-My parent’s visit
-Lots of social plans – Happy Hours, lunches, walks, BBQs. I feel like after 6 intense weeks of work, I finally emerged and started to re=form ties with people.
-Phone chat with my friend A. who is currently living abroad.
-Closing my show.
-The end of opera season.
-Some good feedback and post-mortem sessions at work. Some new ideas for improvement that I’m looking forward to implementing.
-At work, a workshop for an opera we’re doing next season. I very rarely get to see a work at this ground level of development and it’s kind of exciting, but also a lot of work.
-Going to the opera with the Husband and 13 year old.
-Hiking with the family on Memorial Day weekend.
-A new pope! And he’s American!
-Local street fair with the kids – it was overwhelming at first, but then settled into a wonderful afternoon.
-Started to watch the new season of Pokerface with the Husband.
-Watching the 13 year old in her middle school musical.
-The 5 year old got baptized and the 8 year old had his first communion.
– Being home in the evenings.
-Piano recitals. Voice recitals.
-Reading lots of books. None of them particularly spectacular, but all very entertaining.
-The weather turning towards spring/summer
-Continuing my yoga streak – I’ve only missed one day so far this year, and it was a day I was travelling.
-Went to the dentist for my cleaning.

May lowlights:
-The ongoing situation of uncertainty and anxiety at work and in Washington DC in general. I know this is on the list every month this year so far, but I’m afraid the month it doesn’t make the list is the month that I delude myself into thinking this is a kind and inclusive way to go about things.
-Sometimes parenting is HARD. I never know what the right thing to say is. I worry about how my kids will navigate life if I don’t get things right. (I mean, I know that nothing is going to 100% be my fault, but it’s a hard message to internalize.)
-Water in the basement at my parents’ house. Ugh. What a mess. We’re going to do some work in the yard to fix the drainage.
-The Maycember frenzy. All the good and fun things I listed under “highlights” were indeed highlights. But having them all packed into one month was exhausting.

Looking Forward To, the June Edition:
-The 5 year old’s preschool moving up ceremony. She’ll be off to kindergarten.
-South Africa! It’s really happening. I’m super excited. We also just found out that we’ll have lengthy layovers in London Heathrow, so our tour company has given us permission to go into London for a few hours. It’s like having a bonus trip!
-Evenings at the pool. I’ve decided that I’m going to swim laps while the little kids are in pre-team. I haven’t been running lately; due to my own inertia, I find it hard to motivate myself to run when my day is not broken up into blocks the way it is when I am in rehearsals. So swimming while the kids are in pre- team hands me a block of time to fill.
-The end of the school year. I took a gig on the actual last day of school for the two older kids and then I’ll be in South Africa for the 5 year old’s last day of preschool. I’m trying to not be too sad about not being there for thee milestones. I have to remind myself that it’s just a blip in the life of my kids and they probably won’t remember that I wasn’t there this one year. They’ll remember if I’m never there for these things. Show up when you can, I guess.
-Wrapping up at work – archiving, tying up some loose ends.
-A bonus day with the kids – they are off school. I’m a little irked that there is.a day off of school less than two weeks before school ends, but actually, it’s Eid. The 13 year old wants to make tanghulu – a candy coated fruit that is very popular at Taiwanese night markets. Wish us luck!

Grateful for:
-That the 5 year old likes to take her medicine. I mentioned last week that the 5 year old had a swollen eye and the doctor put her on antibiotics. Maybe it was the Kit Kats we used as a bribe, but the 5 year old was so eager to take her medicine. She was constantly reminding us that it was medicine time, bringing it to us, asking how many doses she had to take. Then she developed a technique to swallow the medicine while tasting it as little as possible. It was all so easy. The two older kids would regularly refuse and then vomit up their medicine, so this was a nice change of pace.

-The rain. Yes, it did flood the basement, but it also took all the humidity out of the air, leaving some beautifully clear and bracingly crisp mornings.

-The wet dry vac. Speaking of the rain. So glad we had this to clean up the water.

-Wifi at work. The first time I ever did a new opera workshop was in 2012 and we did not have wifi at work. Furthermore, because we work for a quasi federal institution, they did not permit flash drives on work computers. There was one computer in our whole rehearsal studio that you could stick a flash drive into if you wanted to print new material from the composer. All this to say, when you’re working on a new piece and the composer or librettist says, “I have new pages. How can we print the for the cast?” – it is so much easier to do this now that the creatives can hop on wifi and email the new pages to me to print.

-Rain coat, rain boots, and umbrellas.

-My father. I’m sure he could always pull the “I’m 80 years old” card and opt out of playing with my kids or walking the mile from his house to ours every day or cleaning up the water in his basement. But he does all that and more with a cheerful disposition.

-Key lime pie. Because it is delicious.

-These sparkly sneakers. They make the 13 year old so happy and they go with everything. She wore them with her fancy recital dresses and also with her denim shorts. And she made up a song about them, singing, “I love my beautiful bedazzled shoes,” over and over again.

What we ate – I think the Husband cooked all the meals last week because I didn’t get home until past dinner time all last week.

Tuesday: Taco Tuesday. Ground beef tacos

Wednesday: Tortellini and red sauce.

Thursday: Bahn mi sandwiches from our favorite Vietnamese take out place. These are seriously so delicious and simple.

Friday: Sandwiches (PB& J, Ham, Turkey) and leftovers after the piano recital. It was nearly 8pm when we got home from the piano recital, so we just threw together the easiest of easy here.

Saturday: pizza (take out) and Frozen II. It was supposed to by my father’s turn to choose the movie, and given that last time it was his movie night he chose Chariots of Fire, I would hazard a guess that someone changed their mind about what movie would be fun for an 8 year old and a 5 year old to watch.

Sunday: Mama’s kabobs – we went out to eat after the voice recital. The food was delicious.

Hope you have a lovely weekend. What do you have going on? We have a soccer game, and then the usual agility class for the 5 year old. Is there skating? I can’t remember… And I imagine we’ll go to mass in there at some point. In between things I want to sit down and write a packing list with the 13 year old for South Africa.

Do you remember life before wifi? Is there anything sparkly in your closet? How was your May? What does June look like?


Life lessons from driving a manual car

For the past year or so I’ve been driving what I like to call The Husband’s car. You might recall, I used to drive a 20 year old Subaru Legacy Wagon that was on its last legs. The Husband and I eventually decided that I should start driving my Husband’s Subaru Impreza as a way to wean me off my 20 year old vehicle.

Little Red, as we call it – the van is Big Red – is a manual car. When we first bought it in 2012, the Husband very much wanted a manual car. I had never driven a manual car before we got Little Red. I remember my parents driving them when I was growing up. And then when it came time to buy my first car we thought about getting a manual car because it was cheaper, but my mother, who was car shopping with me, couldn’t remember how to drive a stick shift, so we went with an automatic. I had a friend/ work colleague who drove me home after rehearsals a lot and she had a manual car. She said something that really stayed with me. She told me her father had insisted she and her siblings learn to drive manual cars because he didn’t ever want them to be stuck somewhere and unable to get home because they didn’t know how to drive a stick shift.

When we got Little Red, the Husband taught me how to drive. It was rough learning. I remember I used to drive around the neighborhood in the middle of the day when there was no traffic, just so I could practice.

Anyhow, I wouldn’t say I’m amazingly smooth at driving a manual car, even after 12 years. Just earlier this year I had to call the Husband to get the car out of a parking spot in front of the pre-school because I had parked on a bit of a downward hill and was too close to the car in front of me. I had tried for ten minutes to pull the car out, but I couldn’t get the right rhythm of releasing the clutch and reversing without the car rolling. (Okay, side note – I found this really annoying – the guy who owned the car in front of me at one point came out of his house and came up to look at his rear bumper. I’m guessing he was making sure I hadn’t hit his car. Then he went back into his house. I really wanted to ask him just to move his car forward so I could have a bit of extra breathing space to pull my car out.).

Despite all that, I’m really glad that I learned how to do it. One thing I like about driving a manual car is that it keeps my mind engaged; I have to be very mindful of what I’m doing and the circumstances around me. No wool gathering while I drive.

Because of having to really think about what I’m doing while I drive, and also because I’ve sat in a lot of rush hour traffic the past few years, I often find myself contemplating how things I think about while driving also can apply to life. Here are some life lessons I’ve realized while driving Little Red.

Leave lots of space. The thing with a manual car is that if you don’t shift correctly, the car will often roll back or lurch forward. Also you can’t really stop it as quickly as you can an automatic car. Well, I guess you can, but it’s really unpleasant – stopping the car quickly is a bit of a mental shift for me (clutch or brake? or both?), and it can be very jarring if I don’t do it right. So I’ve learned that when driving it’s good to leave space so I don’t have to do anything too suddenly if I don’t have to. In life too, it’s good to leave room in case you want to roll something back or if you need to stop suddenly. Don’t pack life so close that you can’t do those things.

Give people grace – you might not know what’s going on. I feel like people who don’t drive manual cars don’t really understand the multi-step process that driving a manual car takes. There have been many times when I’ve stalled the car at a stop sign or stop light, and then people honk at me when I don’t move quickly enough for their tastes. I really hate being honked at while trying to restart my car. Or once time, I had someone come up to me and say, “I think your parking brake is on” when really I was on an incline and having a bit of difficulty getting the rhythm of releasing the clutch and gunning the accelerator. The nice young man meant well – when he realized that I was driving a manual car, he apologized. These days, when the light turns green and the car in front of me doesn’t go immediately, I remind myself to be patient because it might be because the driver has stalled their car, like I’ve done many times. Everyone deserves grace over aggressive car honking be it at a stop light or any other time in life.

Related – ignore the honking and concentrate on the task at hand. When I’ve stalled and there’s a long line of cars behind me, I start to get a little anxious, feeling bad for holding up traffic. And when the honking starts, it compounds my anxiety. But then I have to take a deep breath, tune out all the noise and just concentrate on getting the car started again. I channel this concentration often at work – when I have a particularly difficult sequence to call, I can’t let myself be distracted by everything going on around me – I focus on the music and the cues and hone on in what needs to be done. Silence the internal and external critics because I know how to get the car started, the show on, my child to calm down. There is strength in knowing what to do.

Slow and steady beats fast and jerky. When I’m in rush hour traffic, I’ve learned that it’s better put the car in 2nd gear and go slowly and consistently than be constantly shifting into a higher gear and accelerating to match the stop and go pace of the cars around me. Sure I could move a little faster if, but then I inevitably will have to stop or downshift when I get too close to the car in front of me; constantly speeding up and slowing down is tiring and more often than not I end up stalling the car because I don’t shift fast enough. Like the tortoise, it’s better to go at a consistent slower pace. There is no need to rush. Rushing takes a lot more mental energy and will just make me frustrated when I have to slow down anyway. I think of this in regards to my career- I sometimes feel jealous of people whose careers move in leaps and bounds. But I have to remind myself that I am the head of my department because I climbed the ladder slowly and didn’t let myself get burnt out by moving to big projects too quickly.

Listening is important. There are some standard speeds for when to shift, but it’s also important to listen to the car as well. If it sounds like the car is working too hard, it often means I’m in the wrong gear and need to shift. Listening is such an important part of figuring out where things need to be – I find this is also true with people.

Sometimes you just need to be neutral. Okay, this one is actually a pretty terrible habit while driving stick shift – I probably put the car into neutral when going downhill more than I should. So this is perhaps not a good metaphor, but it’s something I often think about when shifting to neutral. You have to be in neutral when the car is at a stop light or the car will stall. (Unless you keep your foot on the clutch, but that’s not a great habit either.) Often when I’m sitting in neutral, I think about what “being neutral” means in life – when is it best to take a step back and observe in order to keep the engine of things going? Also – I have a terrible poker face so my face is very rarely in neutral.

But…. You can’t go uphill in neutral. Something that goes hand in hand with that last point. I’m still not the best at starting the car on an incline – Any tips for me? – but I have learned through trial and error that you can’t go uphill in neutral, though you can go downhill. How true is that for so many things? To move forward and make progress you need to put the car in a gear – be bold, make decisions. Not taking a stand can often lead to being idle or backsliding, or just gunning the accelerator unnecessarily. On that note – don’t gun the accelerator unless you know what gear you’re in. To climb mountains you need to be in the right gear and give things the right push at the right time.

I don’t know how long we’ll have a manual car. The oldest will learn to drive in a few years and while I like the idea of her learning to drive a manual car, it seems impractical. The current car is 13 years old, but it still runs well (Thank you, Subaru). Either way, I’m glad Little Red is in our life and that it has made me contemplate so many things in life.

Did you ever learn to drive a manual car? What is the best advice you’ve been given about driving? What do you think about when driving? When do you feel like you most need grace? Are you good at being in neutral?

Weekly recap + what we ate: Memorial Day weekend and reconsidering evenings

Even though it was a long weekend. I still had to work on Saturday and Monday I had a shop call for our union. So it didn’t feel like a long weekend. But it was the first Sunday in ages when no one had any activities, so I declared I wanted to go on a hike. I haven’t been on a proper hike in such a long time – I don’t think I’ve been on one yet this year. We wanted to just go for half a day, so I picked a new to us location that was about 45 minutes away – Gambrill State Park. I thought it was a perfectly pleasant hike – the weather was nice and cool, and the hike had some pretty steep parts to keep it interesting. (The Husband at one point said, “I have one work for you – switchbacks. Clearly this hiking path was made by young men with good knees.”). There was a nice little view of the city below at the end. I think it was a 3 mile loop which we did in about 2.5 hours.

Blosssoms in the woods.
View from the top.

At the parking lot, there was a little nature/history center. It had a couple small exhibits on the wildlife in the area and then also a room dedicated to the Civilian Conservation Corps which built the park as part of the New Deal. I was super fascinated by this menu that was on display.

I have so many thoughts: First of all – the three meals are Breakfast, Dinner, and Supper. Where’s lunch? I’m guessing Dinner is the midday meal? (I’ve never really used the term “supper”.) Though it looks like dinner is the large meal on the weekends. On the weekdays, it’s sandwiches. Secondly – it’s a lot of meat. The vegetable pickings are… slim – buttered beets? And the only fruit I see are oranges, stewed apricots, and prunes. Thirdly – I’m glad they got ice cream. Fourthly – what’s a “cheese salad” sandwich?

Speaking of food – this whole trip I had been promising the kids that we could have ice cream if they came on the hike – yes, my kids need to be bribed to go hiking with their parents. The 13 year old said, “I don’t want ice cream. I want boba.” To which I said, “I don’t think there will be boba where we are going.”

Well, lo and behold, when we got to the vista point, there were two young men hanging out with boba drinks. I gave the 13 year old a nudge and she went up to them and said, “Excuse me, where did you get your boba?”

Well, I was wrong – there was a boba place about 15-20 minutes from the park.

After the hike, we went to late lunch at a nearby diner, where the portions were huge and delicious and then we went to get boba. The Boba place was in the back of a family owned Filipino grocery store.

Oolong tea, lychee jelly and boba. My usual. The boba was a little too soft for my tastes.

The boba place was in the same plaza as a furniture store. The Husband and I have a weakness for furniture stores. There’s something really fun about going and looking at furniture for us – I don’t know what it is – we like sitting in chairs, opening and closing drawers, looking at side tables. I think furniture is fun and full of possibilities. A lot of furniture in furniture stores, though, we find is too big for our space so we don’t often buy anything. At any rate, there was a Memorial Day sale going on and we ended up buying two chairs. One for the Husband to sit and read in the sun room and one swivel chair that’s big enough for two people that is going to be super cozy for reading together. Not sure if that will go in the kids’ bedroom or in the living room yet. I also found this super cute swivel chair that I was really tempted to get for the 13 year old’s room, except it’s white and a white chair in a teenager’s room seems… unwise.

The chair we did not get.

Anyhow, that was our big Memorial Day adventure. On Monday I took the little kids to the park while the Husband gardened. Then I had a meeting for union stuff, and then I headed over to a friends’ house to eat lots of meat. Out friend had a smoker and he made pulled pork, brisket, and ribs. It was all delicious.

Evenings: I’ve been pondering evenings. It’s another quirk of “reentry” after closing a show that suddenly I get my evenings back. Now that I’m not at the theatre every night, a whole new time slot has opened up in my life. There was one day last week, when the kids were home from school by 4:30pm, and I didn’t have to start dinner until 5:00pm, and I sat in the living room and read while the kids did… I’m not sure, but it didn’t involve me. And it felt horribly indulgent. But then I thought, “What if this is just what life is like?” I’m sure there was something on my to do list that I could have done – my desk, for example, needs a going through, there are bills to be paid (and a traffic ticket) – but none of that felt urgent. The time between coming home from the bus and then starting dinner – surely it isn’t a time of leisure, is it? It feels like there should be million things to do upon returning to the house in the evening.

Another night last week, the Husband took the 8 year old to soccer practice and I was home with the other two kids. “What shall we do?” I asked. And how silly it felt to be asking, “What shall we do?” at 7pm in the evening. Shouldn’t we be at the point in the evening where we stop doing things? Anyhow, the 5 year old’s response was, “Can we bake something?” So I made a lemon buttermilk cake. It was delicious. Here are some other things we have done with our evenings, post dinner clean up:
-played card games. (Currently I love playing Skyjo – it’s a numbers game, which is nice because it doesn’t require deftness with the English language or being able to read, meaning that both my father and the 5 year old can play.)
-Watched New Girl with the 13 year old and howled with laughter.
-Read a book while listening to the kids practice piano.
-Read a book while the kids played together. One night, the 13 year old decided she wanted to stage “Dear Theodosia” from Hamilton with her little siblings. It involved stuffed animals and chairs put together to make a crib.
-Walk around the block.

It used to be the late afternoons/evenings were a slow crawl towards bedtime, but it doesn’t feel like that anymore. The kids are old enough that they don’t require constant vigilance. They usually even help clean up. There are kid activities, and even then, with both parents at home, we can take turns driving. And we don’t need to participate in the activities; we can just drop off. And then go run errands or read or take a walk or write. I hate to say it, but kids activities have sometimes been lovely pockets of alone time for me.

The other thing for me is that 7:00pm is a little bit of a mind shift. When I’m at work, 7pm is the start of the last rehearsal of the day. At 7pm, there are three and a half more hours of work in front of me before I can clock out. 7pm is the most hectic time off the day at work because we have chorus and dancers and principals and supers showing up for rehearsal all at once and it’s a mad frenzy to check all the sign in sheets and make sure were are ready to start rehearsal. But when I’m not working, 7pm feels like the end of the day – the dishes are all done (hopefully), the floors are swept, and there is just one little sliver of time left before the kids can go to bed. Before the kids need to go to bed and we can, as the Husband says, Turn off the taxi cab light. 7pm is wind down time. Okay, baking a cake is not a wind down activity, but there is a certain soothing rhythm to baking that lends itself to a gentle close to the day. And, truth, some nights it takes up upwards of 90 minutes to clean up after dinner, so clearly a leisurely evening is not always the case. This is probably for another post, but I don’t understand how some nights post dinner clean up is 20 minutes and sometimes it just seems to take. so. long.

Which, having said all that, we are about to go into eight weeks of summer swim season, so the evenings will decidedly not be leisurely as there will be practices four nights a week as well as a weekly meet. But I guess that’s it – maybe we are in a season – and I work in an industry – where the routines and rhythms are constantly shifting? So I have to work at being intentional – or intentionally unintentional – about those evening hours. I could putter around the house endlessly, but I could also read a book. I could sit down and pay the bills, or I could scroll. All activities add value to my life, fills buckets – yes, even scrolling in moderation. I think what doesn’t fill my buckets is feeling like I am defaulting to being unintentional with my energy. Maybe I need a list of activities that could be done in 15, 30, 60 minute increments? A couple things I do want to do more is consistent journaling, painting, organize something (bins, papers, files, craft supplies…)

I’ll leave you with this bit of sartorial serendipity….
When you and your kid inadvendently dress all matchy-matchy:

Grateful For:

-The parent in the 5 year old’s class who had the class over to try vegetables from their garden. What a sweet little field trip. Also, the 5 year old ate kale. This is the kid who picks any speck of green out of her food. And then a few days later, she ate salad. On her own. Like filled a bowl with vegetables and lettuce and ate it.

-Our friend for giving us his CSA while he’s on vacation. We ate the salad greens and the fennel. (The fennel I used in a fruit salad). We still have chard and mustard greens left, though…

-our piano and people who play it, filling the house with music.

-summer evenings warm enough and light enough for a post dinner constitutional.

-having the ingredients on hand to impulsively make a cake. And then having the cake on the counter to snack on all week.

This cake definitely tastes better than it looked.

-That one of my bus stop friends whom I no longer get to see anymore because of return to office requirements got off work two hours early and came to the bus stop and I got to see her and chat.

-getting a run in between activities and sudden rain showers.

-It’s mulberry season! There are several mulberry bushes along the paths/trails where I walk and it’s a true joy of summer – picking mulberries off the bushes and eating them – a sweet/tart treat.

-Dogs at the dentist. My dentist has an office dog – a cute chill little beagle that greets patients as they come in. It just brightens my day when I go for my cleaning to see her bright eyes and wagging tail.

-Siblings not fighting:

-Being able to get a same day doctor’s appointment. The 5 year old’s eye was strangely swollen one day, so she couldn’t go to school. But I was able to call the pediatrician and get an appointment for later that day. They couldn’t tell for certain what it was, but put her on antibiotics just in case.

-Getting a bonus afternoon with the 5 year old because she couldn’t go to school. See above. After the doctor’s I took her to the park and we had a lovely afternoon in the sunshine.

Looking Forward To:
-Piano recitals for the 8 year old and the 13 year old. (This has since happened…)

-First Communion for the 8 year old. This falls under the “I’m not Catholic, but I like rituals and gatherings.”

-Voice recital for the 13 year old. Maycember keeps coming.

-going to the opera with the Husband and the 13 year old.

-Seeing this movie:

I don’t go to the movies a lot – it just always seems very expensive to me in terms of time and money. But this movie looks like exactly my catnip, so a friend and I are going to see a weekday matinee.

-Also – You’ve Got Mail is currently on Amazon Prime. It’s been on my “Movies I’ve never seen but really want to watch” list forever. So that’s going to happen too. I actually put it on one night as I was doing the dishes, but it was so adorable that I turned it off and decided I wanted to save it for when I could snuggle on the couch and watch it.

What We Ate:

Monday: Sandwiches and cut up vegetables. Simple supper for an activity filled Monday night.

Tuesday: Taco Tuesday. Chicken mole tacos – this was the mole sauce that I made a huge batch of last month and then froze. It actually tasted better this second time around. I still have one more jar of sauce in the freezer. yum.

Wednesday: Greek Pasta Salad. Vegan. I was looking for a vegan pasta salad and came across this recipe for tofu feta – it’s basically tofu marinated to give it the flavor profile of feta. I thought it was delicious. The family really liked it. The Husband said that once you get over the fact that the “feta” is not, in fact, cheese, it’s really tasty.

Thursday: Breakfast Sandwiches

Friday: Pizza (the Husband made pizza) and The Eternals. It was the 13 year old’s turn to choose the movie and she picked this Marvel movie – the movie was fine, but it was 2.5 hour long, which was longer than I wanted to spend watching flashing flight scenes and bizarre hard to follow plots. But I do think Gemma Chan is divine.

Saturday: My dad took us out to dinner at a nearby Chinese restaurant where we ordered waaaaay too much food, all of it delicious.

Sunday: we didn’t really have dinner because we had a late lunch at a diner with hugmongous portions so no one was hungry come dinner time

Monday: We went over to a friend’s house for Memorial Day cookout. Our friend loves to smoke meat and he had brisket, ribs, and pulled pork. Also mac n cheese, baked beans, and two kinds of pie. We brought fruit salad and an green salad.

Hope you have a lovely weekend!
How long does it take for you to clean up after dinner? On that note – do you call it dinner or supper? Anyone have ideas of what to do with mustard greens? Any movies that you’ve always wanted to see but never have? What would you do with 15 minutes of free time? 20? 30?

Weekly Recap + What We Ate: Thinking about an Intentional Summer

Last week was my first week without a show to work on, and, as always, there’s a period of readjustment/ re-entry after being gone in the evenings and weekends so much. Things are not where I expect them to be, routines have shifted, some routines haven’t shifted yet I need to figure out how to fit back into them. Expectations have shifted. That’s a big one, I’m learning. When the family doesn’t expect me home, it’s a bit of a shift when I am all of a sudden around.

Some delightful things last week, though…

-Social plans with friends – Happy hour (or rather happy three hours) with my friends from the bus stop who I don’t see anymore because of return to office orders. It was great to catch up and I had a delicious dill pickle brined fried chicken sandwich. Another day, I had lunch with other friends whom I used to work with but now don’t see anymore.

-Randomly running into one of those lunch friends four days later at the skating rink with our kids. Isn’t it so delightful when you randomly run into a friend? And it was so nice to meet her son. I have friends who I meet through our kids and it’s nice to have friends that were friends before kids and you finally meet their kids and it’s like meeting a mini version of your friend.

-Going to Ikea with my parents. Having lunch at the cafe where the light is so soft and makes everything look good. Also – how much do I love wandering through Ikea! All the lives and possibilities it’s trying to sell me? Everything so practical. And finding the exact chair we wanted in their clearance room for $17, marked down from $35.

It was a very rainy day – felt very Scandanavian.

-The 5 year old was finally baptized. The Husband is Catholic, so this is something that we had intended to do in 2020, but pandemic and then procrastination. And here we are. I’m not Catholic, but I do love rituals of tradition and gathering.

-It’s also Breakfast Smoothie Season here. The kids have been having berry smoothies (cashews – though I’m temporarily out, frozen berries, kefir, honey, chia seeds, banana, ice.) and I’ve been having green smoothies (kale, ginger, honey, vanilla, kefir, banana). The other day, the 5 year old said to me, “You have an Elphaba smoothie and I have a Galinda smoothie!” Side note, I think we will be watching Wicked for movie night soon.

Summertime….For the first time in a while, I’m not working during the summer. Even though the prospect of nine weeks at home seems to stretch into the void, I know it will fly by quickly and before you know it, we’ll be back in school. I don’t want to arrive at the end of August feeling like I didn’t have an intentional summer. Which is not to say everything needs to be planned – I just want to have a good mix of fun, productive projects, active moments, and relaxing time. And connection. I am fast realizing that our summers as a family of 5 are limited. We only have four or five years left before the oldest one is launched and off to college. I want to set building blocks so that we feel connected as a family.

Things that are already on the calendar:
-Swim Team for the 13 year old, pre-team for the 8 and 5 year olds. This means 5 evenings a week at the pool for most of June and July.
-Trip to South Africa with the 13 year old. (10 Days)
-Weekend in New York City to meet up with the Husband’s sister.
-Summer Camp -for the 8 year old: 2 weeks of theatre camp. For the 13 year old, 2 weeks of basketball camp and 3 weeks of theatre camp
-continuing with piano lessons (13 year old and the 8 year old), and basketball workouts (13 year old), and skating lessons (8 year old and 5 year old) and agility class and/or gymnastics (5 year old)
-five days at a Taiwanese American cultural camp for the 5 and 8 year olds. They are going with my mother. I don’t really know what goes on there, but it’ll be their first time away without me or the Husband and I’m excited/nervous about how they’ll take it.
-the 5 year old’s last day of preschool will be the end of June. (SOB!). I’ve sent the notice. I’m feeling a little sad and wistful and I’m regretting that her last day will be while I’m away, but it didn’t make sense to keep her in longer since she’s going to Taiwanese American kids camp the day before I get back.

Other Summer Things on my Menu of Activities: I’m calling this a “menu” because these are things I’ve brainstormed for this summer – some fun activities, some life tasks. It’s not a “to do” list or any kind of mandate by any means.
-Time at the Pool (aside from swim team time – I would love to swim some laps myself. Maybe even take the kids to the county pool where there are water slides.)
-Getting the two younger kids to learn how to swim confidently and independently.
-Make a family summer play list.
-Family biking time – teaching the 5 year old to ride without training wheels and getting the 8 year old a new bike. (he is currently using a pink and turquoise hand me down bike with broken pedals.)
-Teaching the 8 year old how to tie his shoes.
-Boba taste test. There are a lot of boba shops around here. The 13 year old and I have a plan to try all the places and pick our favorite.
-Camping.
-Hiking.
-Visit the library and read lots of books
-Find a perfect pair of sandals. This is on the summer list every year for the past three years or so, but I love my current El Naturalista Zumaia sandals so much that I always I manage to squeeze one more summer out of them. I would like to get a new pair of sandals before I leave for South Africa.
-make paletas. I borrowed some books from the library with recipes I want to try.
-Mow the lawn regularly. I don’t like yardwork, and the Husband does most of it, so I’m vowing to take on some of it.
-host friends for grilling/dinner
-Lunches and meet ups with friends, particularly mom friends and former federal worker friends.
-Outdoor concerts and music
-eat lots of peaches. (Last year we regularly got peaches from The Peach Truck, but they aren’t delivering nearby this year. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth the 30 minute drive for a 25 lb box of amazing peaches.)
-Take the kids to a rock climbing gym or to the adventure park.
-Take the kids to the local water park.
-Closet audit. Get rid of things I no longer wear.
-Watercolor postcard project. Paint and send mail. (Do you want a postcard from me? I feel like if I collect addresses, I’m committing myself to doing this one. Which would be a good thing.)
-Go school supply shopping in early August. Also Maryland’s tax free week is the beginning of August, so if we need any clothes or shoes, that would be a good time to go shopping for those. (Although the kids usually get fresh shoes for summer…)
-Teaching the kids some life skills (cooking, touch typing, how to tell time, maybe cursive – is that too ambitious?)/ making sure they get into the habit of doing their chores.
-Eating outside when possible.
-Have a screen free day or two.
-See some opera. Even though I won’t be working for the opera company I worked for last summer, i do want to see some of their productions.
-movie afternoons, either at home or at a movie theatre.
-Buy produce at a farmer’s market, or a farm stand. Make yummy food from our purchases.
-Going to the County Fair, riding all the rides and seeing the animals.
-Work-wise – we have union negotiations coming up this summer. I want to be an active participant in that.
-I also have a few work meetings scattered here and there that I’ll need to attend.
-Decluttering projects: The sewing corner, my desk corner, the medicine/linen closet in the bathroom, the pile of outgrown clothes/hand me downs in the 13 year old’s bedroom. The toy room. I’m posting a picture to remind myself what a dire situation these places are. Brace yourselves, it’s kind of awful. I hope I’ll have some “after” pictures come August.

Potential Summer Stressors:
-Money. When I’m not working, money is of course a little tighter. I’m going to try to pick up one off gigs when I can, but to be honest, I don’t love event work; it pays really well, but is highly stressful for me.
-Not having enough alone time. I will always have at least one child at home with me this summer, and sometimes I just want to sit and read and not have to fix a snack or read someone a book or referee a fight or what not. I’m lucky that my kids are pretty self sufficient, but even still, it’s not nothing.
-Being hot. Being in the sun. Being in the car when I’m hot. This always just puts me in a bad mood. At least I won’t have a soul sucking commute like I did last summer, though there will be time in the car because of camp drop offs/pick ups.
-mosquitoes.
-house projects with the house we manage.
-Getting the kids to actively participate in chores or family activities/ fighting about screen time. I fully recognize the need for them to have time to chill and decompress, but also want to balance that with a sense of responsibility.
-Eating dinner at the pool all the time and keeping pool time organized in general. It’s a lot of work to pack for the pool. Last year, I got it down to a good routine, but every year is a little different. One of the big shifts this year is I have to reconsider where we dry the swim stuff. We used to dry it in the lower bathroom, but now that is the 13 year old’s bathroom, so it is going to be inconvenient for her to have to always move the stuff.

Now that I’ve written all that down, I can see summer as full of possibilities and also some road blocks. I think what will help with the road blocks:
-Researching low cost activities. We are lucky there are a lot of free things to do in the area.
-Sitting down and making a plan to do those low cost activities. Put them on the calendar.
-Being brave and saying, “Yes” to any gigs that I can work.
-Having a structure to my days – block in rest time and adventure time and chore time. Or acknowledge that some days will only be two of those three categories. Or even just one.
-Have lots of cool treats and beverages in the fridge and freezer.
-Meal plan. I do this a lot anyway.
-Making a screen time plan with the kids.
-Embrace mornings as calm times. Embrace evenings as family time.
-Remember that the goal is we a feel connected and ready for the new school/work year in September.

Grateful For This Week:
-Stories from my parents. I’m going to admit that my parents and I don’t have a super easy relationship. It’s loving and supportive, but the conversation has never really flowed easily between us. I’m sure I need to unpack that a little -I feel like it has something to do with the culture that my parents are from (very patriarchal/valuing filial piety) and the culture I grew up in (less so, and resentful of filial piety) Anyhow, on Mother’s Day, the New York Times published article called “25 Questions to Bring You Closer to Your Mom.” Every so often in the days that followed, I would ask my mom and dad one of the questions, and the answers were surprising and insightful. Some of my favorites:
“What was your nickname growing up?”
“What are some of your favorite memories of the two of us?”
“What’s the worst advice you ever received about motherhood?”
“Who made you feel seen when you were growing up?” I thought this one was particularly interesting because both my parents said when they were growing up, they didn’t want to be seen, because that meant they were in trouble. This made my heart ache a little.

-Dog Man books in the Little Free Library. The 8 year old LOVES Dog Man books. I love not having to pay full price for them.

-Sleep. Trying to catch up and having the time to catch up and having a bed in which to catch up. I’ve been noticing this past year that I get incredibly tired the day or two before I get my period. Like “in bed by 9:30pm” tired. (I’m usually in bed at midnight most nights). I’m grateful I had the time and space to be able to just sleep last week when I was premenstrually tired.

-Cherry Coke and a chocolate chip cookie. An awesome combination.

-The 5 year old getting into the French Immersion program. This means that she will get to go to the same school as the 8 year old. Thank goodness. I mean we would have figured out three kids at three different schools – and we will have to in a few years – but I’m grateful that that is a future me problem.

-The Husband for clearing everyone out of the house when I had a splitting headache. He took the 8 year old to soccer practice and also convinced the other two kids and my parents to ride along. I lay in a dark and quiet room and popped a bunch of Advil and was feeling much more normal when they came home two hours later.

-That the rain let up just in time. We were supposed to meet our friends for a picnic and a show last Friday, and just as I was stepping out the door, the rain came down in unrelenting sheets, making driving pretty scary, and I thought, “Uh oh, so much for a picnic!” But the rain was actually quite isolated and the skies at the park was clear and the picnic tables were relatively dry and we had a lovely picnic lunch and then went to see a student musical theatre showcase and it was quite a fun evening.

-Park benches along a trail and the the perfect not to hot/not too cold weather to sit on one and enjoy the wind in the trees.

Looking forward to:

-June. Maycember is hitting pretty hard. I don’t know that June will be any more restful, but I’m looking forward to flipping the page on the calendar. It’s all good things in May – baptisms, recitals, soccer games, parents visiting, first communions, wrapping up the school year – but it is exhausting to be always out and about.

-Memorial Day Weekend. Is this weekend?!?!?! where did that come from? I understand we have plans to grill with our friends, but I’m a little hazy on the details.

-This audiobook. I don’t usually do romance novels on audio, but this one is narrated by Will Watt, who read Ten Things That Never Happened, and he was so charming and heartfelt in that book that when I saw he had recorded a new audio book, I immediately put it on my holds list. His deep, rumbly voice is like being wrapped up in my favorite feel good movie.

What We Ate:
Monday: Pesto Pasta Salad from NYTimes Cooking. I didn’t have capers, so I used sundried tomatoes instead, and I subbed walnuts for the pine nuts. Everyone really liked this. Vegan

Tuesday: Shrimp Tacos. This was the night I went out with my friends, so i had a very tasty dill pickle brined fried chicken sandwich. Before I left, I prepped the shrimp for the tacos and left the 13 year old with instructions on heating up the taco shells.

Wednesday: Kielbasa on the grill, sweet potatoes, and steamed broccoli. The Husband cooked. The sweet potatoes were this recipe, and were really tasty. The Kielbasa was from the Kielbasa factory, and we cooked them on the grill. I’m so excited for more grilling. Also – in my quest for ways that the kids can help in the kitchen after dinner, I had the 5 year old label the leftover kielbasa:

Thursday: Dumplings and green beans

Friday: Chicken sandwich picnic – I also packed cucumbers, apples, and strawberries.

Saturday: Pizza (carry out) and Chariots of Fire (It was my dad’s turn to pick the movie. I’ve never seen Chariots of Fire before – the two older kids were surprisingly engaged. The 5 year old, not so much.)

Sunday: Mac and Cheese – the 13 year old is made dinner! She did accidentally put in twice the amount of butter than was called for, so it was a very rich mac n cheese.

Hope your week has been lovely!
What would you do with 25lbs of peaches? What corner in your house is most in need of a good declutter? Favorite frozen treat or cold drink for summer? Who made/makes you feel seen? Mosquito solutions? Any plans for the Memorial Day weekend? I have to work on Saturday, but I’m hoping for a hike and some time with friends on Sunday and Monday.

April haikus

Branches of blossoms
Bloom overhead, shelter me
nature’s cathedral.

Trees dressed now in pink,
whimsical and full of youth,
soon don stolid greens.

The gripping drama
Of those last twenty seconds
ends in March sadness.

Thinking it is Spring,
I put away the winter coats.
I am wrong. And cold.

In the midnight hour
Lights shine on the wet pavement
makes the world shiny.

(Ironically – I’m sitting at the 5 year old’s agility class typing this and Like a Virgin has just come on, as I’m typing the above haiku – a kind of beautiful synchronicity.)

The forecast said rain.
But not until 2am.

And now I am soaked.

This music is hard.
Where is the downbeat? Count. Count.
Look away, lose your place.

I fly downhill fast,
Wind whipping hair, heart in throat.
I huff up hill slow.

Again, from the top.
We’ve done this scene many times.
Rehearsal time loop.

Tech is a process –
All the people backstage make
The magic onstage.

So I think this is interesting – at one point last month, one of the crew members took me to the upper bowers of the theatre. I’d never gone up there before, and it was FASCINATING. The first picture below is an image of our show. The second picture is what that set up looks like from above the fly rails.

Have you finally put away your winter coats? Do you have any tales of being behind the scenes somewhere? What’a your favorite Madonna song?

Weekly recap + What We Ate: Closing Night and Mother’s Day

Welp, another show closed and in the books. I meant to post this earlier in the week, but I’ve been so exhausted that I haven’t been at my computer. Plus my parents are visiting, which means that we need my desk chair at the dinner table, which means every time I have a minute to sit down and write, it feels really inconvenient because there is no chair at my desk. Well, I got over that road block and am now sitting at the kitchen table to write this little life update.

It’s a little crazy to think that I don’t have another show to work on until October. I didn’t book any work this summer because I would be travelling at a time that overlaps with a contract I usually take. I’m a little sad that I won’t be in the theatre for such a long time, but I’m going to lean into having a great summer home with the family.

I always make a list after every closing of moments that I want to remember forever on a show, and for this show, some were:
– the opening number with a billion light cues to call, which was kind of scary at first, but once I got into a rhythm, it was almost fun. Calling cues is the part of my job that gets all the glory, but for me it’s actually the easiest part of the job – you just have to know where the cues go and be able to follow the music and read the post its and look up once in a while to make sure things are still on track.

-The tenor and the baritone leads doing a silly dance onstage in the number when they are pretending to be teenagers. Nothing more fun than seeing grown men dance with abandon.

-The part at the end of the show where the lead female character sings, “Be here now. Be here now.” It’s such a beautiful phrase of music and some days, when I was really bone tired, I could hear her voice in my head, grounding me and helping me focus.

-The baritone who sings the father in the opening scene – I’ve known him for four or five years now and he’s still quite a young singer, but I think he has the heart of a dad and was just so perfect for the part.

-The bass’s aria set in the Zen Center, when he tells the main character to “Take one step…”. This was a special reunion for me because I first met this singer when he first came to America as a student – he was shy, barely spoke English, and had a voice and a heart as big as a house. And now he has a flourishing career all over the world. I’m always struck in my business by how strong the bonds are that we forge when we are starting out.

-The way the crew opened the walls at the back of the set. Opera can be pretty low tech – most of the time when you see something move in opera, it’s not computers or motors or what not; it’s a bunch of stage hands pushing or pulling. The first time we ran this scenic move, the wall zoomed open at an alarming rate and the lighting designer said, “It’s too fast! Do we really want it this fast?” But the doors needed to open within three bars of music. So I told the crew, “Open gently, then move off quickly.” And they did. And it was magical.

The rest of the week…

Usually after we open a show, I get some of my time back, especially evenings. But this performance schedule had six performances over six eight days, and one additional rehearsal on the night we didn’t have a show. So it has felt a little unrelenting. On my one night off, I went to see the 13 year old’s middle school musical – she was in the ensemble for Once Upon a Mattress. It was a cute show, clearly a lot of work, and everyone performed with so much enthusiasm. It’s fun to know that she had a tech week on the heels of me having my own tech week. After the show, she took me around an introduced me to all her teachers, which was kind of fun – that she still wants people to know who I am…

Middle school stage…

The rest of the week was errands and catch up and catching my breath. I had dropped so many things by the wayside that I’m slowly trying to pick up the mess and pieces and try to figure out what life is supposed to look like when I’m around.

Mother’s Day – I’m not a huge Mother’s Day person. These are the three things that I always ask for Mother’s Day:
– Get my picture taken with my kids. Doesn’t have to be fancy – just one photo where no one is picking their nose, or crying, or what not, and where I look half way decent.
-Some time outdoors. Either a hike, or a walk, or an activity.
-Some time alone.

The scorecard was decidedly mixed this year. I did sleep in until 7:30pm. At one point, I felt a little hand on my leg and then another little hand thrust a card under my hand. The card was sweet, even though said child had spelled his name wrong. It made me laugh. the 13 year old had used her own money to buy me a bag of M&Ms and a bag of gummy bears. I was torn between thinking it was such a thoughtful gestures and not wanting her to waste her money on candy at CVS. Parenting is full of conflicted emotions.

We had our usual spate of activities in the morning and afternoon. In the morning I took the 5 year old to Agility Classes, and, the sweetest thing, one of the coaches was handing out roses to moms. “Here,” he said to me, “I see you here every week, and I think you deserve a rose.”

My mother’s Day roses living with the 13 year old’s opening night tulips. She also got two bags of Takis for opening night. That’s what she really wanted…

After lunch, and a nap (perhaps that was my alone time?), more activities, and to be fair, the Husband asked if I wanted him to take the kids to skating lessons, but I said I would do it because I knew he wanted time to be in his garden, and he had been solo parenting for the better part of the time for six weeks while I was in rehearsal, so if anything, I figured that he deserved the alone time. Funny story – when the kids were little, they used to call the Husband “MommyDaddy”, I think this might have been because I was often out in the evenings. So I now joke that Mother’s Day should also be for the MommyDaddy as well.

But I got to skate while the kids were in lessons, so that was like alone time. After skating the kids wanted to play outside so I took the to the nature center. I read my book while they made me food. Here is bark burger and a leaf pie.

We spent about half an hour at the Nature Center before going home, where we turned around three times and then headed to Benihana. Originally it had been suggested that we go to Hot Pot again, but we had just been there, so I suggested Benihana as an “event” type meal. (If you’re unfamiliar, Benihana is a chain of hibachi restaurants where the meal is cooked in front of you with a lot of flash and dash. It’s like dinner and a show.) I hadn’t been since I was a teenager and the kids had never gone, so I figured it would be a fun outing. The food itself isn’t spectacular. Not awful, just very ho hum. But let’s be honest, we’re all there for the flying spatulas and spinning eggs. After dinner the restuarants were handing out Macarons for the mothers (or the assumed mothers), which was another nice treat. I think mother’s day is a little performative sometimes, but you know what, I’ll take a free treat.

After dinner, the family tried to fulfil my wish of spending time outside and getting a picture with the kids by taking us to a trail and going for a walk with the idea of taking a picture together. But for reasons that are a little inexplicable, and in retrospect were probably a little silly, things went quickly south and no good pictures were taken and people stormed back to the car in a fit of anger. To be honest, I’m not sure quite what happened. I think partly, I just wanted a quick photo on my iPhone with everyone looking at the camera, and the family instead brought this huge set up with a tripod and the 13 year old’s fancy camera, which I don’t know that anyone really knows how to get the photos off of it… And then no one would take a nice picture, which was hugely annoying for me. I just want one thing and I got a little snarky at the family’s inability to deliver that one thing. (okay, three) Anyhow, it was kind of an ignominious end to Mother’s Day. Oh well. We’ll all try again next year.

Conversation with my Five Year Old:
Me: Are you wearing underwear?
5 year old: No.
Me: Again?!?! You should be wearing underwear. Why don’t you wear underwear?
5 year old: Sometimes it’s just too much pants.

Grateful For:
-My parent’s health. My parents are both the upper side of 70 and are still so very active. They travel internationally three or four times a year, come visit us, play with the grandchildren. Go on long walks every day, usually four or five miles. Lead community organizations. Advocate for Taiwanese independence. Once in a while I look at them and I realize objectively they are quite old, something I tend to forget because they are so busy. I realize more and more that every year, month, week, day with them is a gift.

-Sunny sunny weather. Open window, fresh air. A comfy chair and a good book. And a messy living room, well inhabited.

-A new Pope! I know that it’s odd to be grateful for something that was probably inevitable, but I’m so glad that for a few days, I could replace doomscrolling with “hope”scrolling as I checked for news from the conclave.

-Getting to commute to work with my work BFF. She lives two miles from me and during busy opera season we don’t really get to hang out, so when we carpool to work, it’s like at 35 minute friend date.

-My Eye Doctor, for fixing my glasses. One night as I was going to bed, I stumbled and dropped my glasses and the lens popped out. I’m sure it was a minor fix, but I took it to My Eye Doctor, where I got the glasses from, and they put everything back together again.

-D, our contractor. He’s been working on renovating the basement of my parent’s rental unit and finished the work last week. But then this week we had sheets of rain and there was some water in the basement. D came over the same day that we called and looked at things, and then realized the sump pump wasn’t plugged in and more than that, the outlet that it was plugged into wasn’t working. He spent an hour at the house fixing everything. He’s so easy going and thoughtful and full of practical solutions, I’m so glad we have him on speed dial.

-Lights backstage. It is dark. Rope lights make everything better.

-Middle school teachers. On the day of the second performance of Once Upon a Mattress, I drove the 13 year old to school, so I could drop off snacks for the cast. OMG. Walking into the middle school was like walking into an alternative universe populated by strange half grown people all looking confused and defiant and disaffected and joyful. Sometimes all at once. And then there were these grown ups who kept saying, “Sit down. Don’t block the hallway. Get to class,” as if they were programmed on some kind of auto-loop. I went to a K-8 school, so this whole middle school thing is alien to me. And then as I was leaving the school, it struck me – this is what it is like every. single. day. The noise and chaos and emotion and physicality. It wasn’t just one crazy morning. it’s is every. day. Every day, my daughter walks these halls of screaming sensory overload. No wonder she comes home and wants to sit in her room and not talk to anyone for the rest of the night. And every day the teachers and school professionals manage the chaos and try to focus it into an environment for learning and growing. I have a hard enough time dealing with one tween/teenager. I am so grateful for the people who deal with hundreds of them every day.

Looking Forward To:
-Happy hour and lunch dates with friends. Now that my schedule is lighter, I’m doing all the social things.

-Season two of Poker Face. The Husband and I watched Season One together last year and it was a lot of fun. I’m excited for more murders and hijinks. Highly entertaining.

-Summer pool season. The weather is already in the 80s and muggy here and I can’t wait until I can be in the pool. Our pool opens in two weeks and soon we’ll be in the thick of summer swim team season. I’m going to have to think about how to prep for nightly dinners at the pool between swim practices.

-Just started this book. I’m determined to finish it before I go to South Africa next month, so I’ve set myself weekly reading goals. It’s proving fascinating and engrossing so far.

It’s a big book (almost 600 pages). But 25 of those years he spent in jail, so I’m really intrigued what that part of the book will be like.

What We Ate:

Monday: Ravioli Bake. The Husband made this and it was tasty – he was looking for easy recipes to make ahead and take along for those days when the 8 year old has to ride along to the 5 year old’s 6pm gymnastics classes and didn’t have time to have dinner beforehand.

Tuesday: Taco Tuesday – Ground beef tacos with guac, salsa, sour cream, cheese, and hard shells.

Wednesday: Chicken wings. My mother made them. This is one of her specialty dishes. The kids love it. It involves soy sauce, honey, and garlic.

Thursday: Black Pepper Asparagus and Tofu Stir Fry. I had picked up some asparagus and broccoli from the farmer’s market so I use both in this stir fry. Vegan.

Friday: not sure what the family ate. I was at work and ate leftovers. (Well sort of – I packed leftovers, but then got busy and didn’t eat them.).

Saturday: Pizza (take out) and Frozen.

Sunday: Benihana for Mother’s Day.

Welp, hope you have a lovely weekend. Ours is the usual kid activities and then the 5 year old is finally getting baptized. Hopefully there will be sunshine and fresh air involved, though.
What summer things are you looking forward to? Pools – yay or nay? Favorite pool dinners? Have you ever been to Benihana? Who was your favorite teacher in middle school?

Books Read – April 2025

Only three books finished in April – but that’s par for the course for a month of being in rehearsals and tech.

Clear by Carys Davies, read by Russ Bain – Set in 1843 on a remote Scottish Island, this short novel tells the story of John Ferguson, a minister, who has been sent to the island to evict its last remaining inhabitant, a man named Ivan. Ivan doesn’t speak English and has been living on his own for many many years. This book was written in language so beautifully spare and precise. I loved how the story explored themes of language, communication, and connection, contemplating how we live alone, and with each other. I liked this book so much that as soon as I finished the audiobook, I borrowed the book from Libby so I could read the prose myself. It’s a pretty slender book, but each word or image packs a punch.

Heartbreaker by Sarah MacLean – This is the second book in the Hell’s Belles series, and the first one that I have read of that series. It’s basically a road romance as former thief, now society wallflower Adelaide Frampton races the Henry Carrington, Duke of Clayborn on quest to find his brother who has eloped. It’s a little convoluted. I liked a lot about this book – it has MacLean’s signature strong female characters, wit, warm female friendships, well developed side characters, and elegant writing. The chemistry is top notch. I thought the plot was a little meh. There are books where the characters drive the plot, but I thought in the book, the plot drove the characters, and I didn’t see much character development. Still, I always enjoy a Sarah MacLean novel, and this one was a solid one.

Briefly, Perfectly Human by Alua Arthur, read by the author – Arthur is a Death Doula – she helps people as they are nearing the end of their lives handle both the practical and the intangible matters that come with dying. This book is her memoir, starting with her childhood in Ghana and the U.S., how she came to her profession, and lessons she has learned along the way. The memoir part of the book was non-linear and a little scattered, almost cyclical. I have to admit I had problems following it, though maybe it’s because i listened ot it on audio. But the parts of her book where she talks about her different clients and how they each faced death, and the lessons she learned – that was where I felt the book really spoke to me. Arthur talks a lot of the interstitial nature of life – how we are always in some form of transition. I particularly liked this passage:

“To adapt is central to the human experience. Humans are masters at navigating the unknown and adapting to new circumstances, even though we often do not give ourselves the credit. Change is the god that we must bow to.
Each new day that we get to wake up, we greet a reality that wages a war of attrition against our expectations. Life doesn’t go the way we want. Duh. Ideas fail. People change their minds. Governments get overthrown. Babies won’t nap. Psychedelic trips end with a potential for inpatient treatment. Our hearts get broken. We burn dinner. Tires go flat. Yet, we learn to adapt in the moment, even as we struggle and resist. Learning to adapt introduces us to the new self, time and time again. The new self is one we never imagined – someone who has integrated all that has come before.
When we arrive at this new place, we are able to say, “Today, I am here.” Starting sentences and thoughts with the word today grounds us in the present. “Today, my husband can no longer walk.” “Today, I can’t grip my coffee cup.” “Today, my best friend can’t stomach her favorite meal.” “Today, I am separated.” “Today, my father is dead.” Today is not without its grief.”

― Alua Arthur, Briefly Perfectly Human

I love that idea of “Today” – what a great thought to hold on to when things feel hard.

On my Proverbial night stand:

Three Bags Full by Leonie Swan – a mystery featuring crime-solving sheep. It’s quirky and delightful, but I just can’t seem to get into it. I think I just need to spend an hour reading it to get the plot underway.

Still Born by Guadalupe Nettel – I’m liking these short chapters – concise but packed. (Also – side note, I tried to google the title without the author’s name to make sure I was spelling it right, and that was a mistake – so trigger warning for anyone sensitive to child loss.)

Why We Make Mistakes by Joseph T. Hallinan – non-fiction recommended to me by a co-worker. Listening on audio.

Mad about You by Mhariri McFarlane – rom com type book, recommended to me by the 13 year old. I didn’t read the blurb so I’m not quite sure what the set up is quite yet, but the characters are funny and the writing has a wry humour that I like.

Weekly Recap + what we ate: Opening Night, and April Reflections.

Another show opened! Yay! Now we are open, and I have a week of performances and meetings and cleaning up before I close out opera season. It feels like space has opened up in my life, but it is May which means a lot of life/ family/kid things are happening this month.

This weekend was probably busier than it should have been for me, given that it’s been a little non-stop at work. I should have taken time to gather my forces and refocused on what I need to do on the life admin/home front. On Thursday, my one official day off, I ran errands with a friend, went on a walk with another, took the two older kids to be “Mystery Readers” at the 5 year old’s classroom, took the 8 year old to soccer… it seemed like a lot for a free day when I really just needed to sleep or stare at the wall.

On Saturday, I decided to take the kids to a local street festival. We all biked there, which was really fun. Usually I walk while the two little kids bike and scooter (the 13 year old was on a service project with friends), but this time the kids said I should bike too, and it worked out better than I thought. The 5 year old is a dervish on the scooter and being on a bike, I could finally keep up with her. There’s something really fun about an excursion with the family where all of us are rolling on wheels. My goal is to get the 5 year old off her training wheels this summer.

The street festival has valet bike parking, which was really great. So we biked/scootered to the festival and left our bikes with the bike valet – so convenient. The place was super crowded and at first I remembered why I don’t often go to these festivals – there were so many people; I was supposed to meet up with friends, but I couldn’t find them; the inflatable activities weren’t being monitored and it was open season – chaos and even dangerous as balls and foam arrows flew around. I was actually pretty miserable for the first 30 minutes. But then I managed to pull the kids away from the inflatables/flying objects “fun” zone and we walked down the street and found a children’s musician singing songs about nocturnal animals. We sat in the shade, ate our snacks and listened to music, and I began to decide that I was having fun after all.

We walked on down the road, checking out some displays by various county organizations and found a mountain biking group – they had set up a little course and were letting kids try out mountain bikes. The 8 year old wanted to try and he ended up spending twenty minutes there, riding the same course of two little speed bumps over and over. He’s due for a new bike this spring – he is still using a hand me down purple and turquoise bike with broken pedals, which I think is a testament to how much he loves being on his bike – so afterwards I talked to the people running the mountain biking booth, and they said to get him a mountain bike because he can do whatever he wants on a mountain bike. The group also does youth mountain biking rides with a “no one left behind” philosophy – I’m excited to check it out further for the 8 year old. (And maybe the rest of the family…?)

Afterwards the mountain biking, we stopped at the truck touch, and I did end up running into some friends and having some great catch up time. So in the end, I’m really glad I took the two little kids to the street festival. I think I just have to remind myself to try to find the not so crowded places to be. One thing I thought was cool was they had “sensory friendly” tents where you could sit in a comfy chair with a pair of earmuffs on when things got to be too much. i thought that was such a great idea at an event that could be overwhelming.

That evening, the 13 year old and I got dressed up and went to the Gala Concert at my work. Her favorite opera singer was singing, so I thought it would be fun for her to go. We went with some friends, and it was nice to just go and watch a show without having to work on it at all.

Sunday I took the 5 year old to Agility Class and then came home, turned around twice and then went to work for the Sunday matinee performance. It’s nice that the show is so short because I have time to come home and still have a bit of time to re-set for the week.

I’ve been trying to lean into the idea of a “Sunday reset” to get me ready for the week ahead. So far my Sunday Reset list involves:
-Putting away the floordrobe and all the clothes on the bench in the bedroom.
-taking a shower. For me and the kids.
-planning my clothes for the week.
-boiling eggs for the week so I have easy breakfast. (I can’t find my silicone egg holder for the InstantPot so I’ve been boiling eggs on the stove and they don’t turn out as well. Suggestions welcome.)
-Tidying the living room and my desk. (usually one or the other, but I would love for it to be both.)
-exercise
-Cleaning out the backpack bins by the door
-Bluey with the family. Or Andor.
I would like to also add:
-dealing with the mail bin.
-clipping the kids’ nails. I always forget to do this until their nails are too long. I think if I had a set time to clip nails, it would be better.
-Getting the kids activity bags set so I don’t have to think about it later in the week.
-clean out my purse – it gets so full of receipts over the week.

I’m also wondering where the line is between Sunday routine and Sunday Reset. Maybe one is a flashy internet term and one is just … life. Because I would also like to find time on Sunday to be outside, to write on my blog, to connect with friends. But that doesn’t feel like it’s in the “get ready for the upcoming week.” category. Am I overthinking this? Also where is the line between over thinking and acting mindfully?

April Recap/ Reflections
April was definitely consumed by work work work work. I started prep for a show on March 31st and we had our final dress rehearsal on April 30th.

April highlights:
-finished our taxes on time. Finished the 13 year old’s taxes. (She got paid for the show that she was in last December. It was a 1099 and we claimed her voice lessons as an expense against it, so she ended up operated at a loss last year.)

-rehearsing, teching, and opening a show. It’s been one of the smoothest show processes I’ve ever had. It helps that it’s a remount of an existing production, and the show is short. Even still, everyone was lovely to work with, which is really important.

-“Ask Me Anything” session for the Production Assistants with the Staging Staff at work. So may words of wisdom and practical considerations to pass along to the next generation of people in the arts.

-March Madness. Yes, it says March, but it finished in April. We watched some really exciting games together as a family. I’m not a huge basketball fan, but it’s fun to see the Husband and 13 year old really get into something together.

-My mother and Uncle’s visit. Taking them down to the Mall and walking amongst the monuments.

-The weather – Spring has sprung. Sunshine, warm air. We’ve moved past cherry blossoms into tulips.

-Running – I ran 7 times last month, which is the most I’ve run since November. Getting to run along the Potomac on my dinner break is always great for views. I love that the path I take to run takes me across a bridge over the river, and from that end, I can look back and see my work place all lit up, and it seems so far away – it makes me feel like I accomplished something on my run, even though it’s really only a little more than a mile away.

-Continuing my daily yoga. Some days I squeaked it in with a 10 minutes video before bed, but most days I did 15-20 minutes in the morning.

-Lenten reading group. Such a great group of ladies with whom to contemplate life.

-Take your child to work day. I did not participate – my work hadn’t organized anything, but the Husband took all three kids to work, and they all had a great time. His work place goes all out for TYCW day, with lots of crafts, riding busses, scavenger hunts (one of the items is “Photocopy your hand”)

-figured out the 8 year old’s soccer team. He’s having such a good time being out on the pitch again.

-Easter service with the Bangla musicians.

-we finally got window treatments! It’s a little plain, but better than the mismatched curtains that I had before. I was so delighted by the top down/bottom up mechanism that I spent a good fifteen minutes after they were installed putting the shades up and down. The plainness of the shades do open up the wall on either side, and now I feel like I need art for the wall.

Before
After!

April Lowlights:

  • The Federal Government blood bath continues and it is very much hitting home. I’m trying not to think about it, but almost every conversation I have with friends starts with a ginger, “How are you doing?” because I just don’t know if people still have their jobs or not.
  • Not having a lot of time at home, leaving a lot of the burden of parenting with the Husband. Tech is hard on everyone.
  • Dropping a lot of balls in life admin.
  • Taking the corner into the parking lot poorly and putting a sizable dent in the car. AGH!
  • The house desperately needs a declutter, but I haven’t had time or energy to do it. I’m so tired of not being able to find things or constantly stepping on papers and toys and half done projects.
  • Owing money on taxes. This is to be expected now, but ouf. I’m going yo try to pay quarterly taxes this year, to make April less painful, but it might all be a wash.
  • The death of the Pope. What a humble, wise, kind, and beautiful person. The passing of public figures don’t usually hit me that hard, but the death of Pope Francis brought a real sense of loss.

April Insights- two insights, one practical and one philosophical:

-Practical- and this is super weedy stage management stuff, just warning you – Getting my cues in my book before we hit tech makes life so much easier during tech week. Okay, this seems obvious, but I struggle with this one. One thing I’m trying to work on with my own personal journey as a stage manager, is working ahead when I can. I often wait to put cues in my book because I think, “What if things change?” But you know what? They can’t change all 150 cues. So I should do what I can and move the Post It as I need to. For this show, I had the stage manager’s book from the last time they did this show, and that even gave me time to type my light cues onto labels for my own book. I’ve always kind of raised my eyebrows at people who type their cue labels, thinking it’s a lot of work for something, and kind of fussy. But OMG! how clean and pretty does it look to have all the cues typed?

This is the opening number – this is the most cues I have on one page, but the first twelve minutes of the show is a wild ride indeed. I basically just keep my head down, keep calling cues, counting measures, and am thankful that the lightboard operator is good at her job and keeps up with me.

I had hemmed and hawed about typing my labels because I like my light cues to be in a diamond shape and I couldn’t figure out how to print the labels in the right orientation to make them diamond shaped. I procrastinate for a week, thinking I would be able to figure it out. But then I decided, if the choice is between hand writing all 150+ light cues on the exact right shape label vs. typing them on not quite the right shape …. well typing them is so much faster. So I said to myself, “Diane, stop being ridiculous. Done is better than perfect. Stop waiting for the perfect solution to hit you on the head. You’ve been staring at this for a week now. Just do it the slightly different way and get it done.”

– The Philosophical – At our AMA with our Production Assistants, one of them asked us what is the best advice we’ve ever been given, and one of my co-workers said something that stuck with me. She said that Gavin Creel, a musical theatre star who passed away last year, said something that really stuck with her – (And forgive me if I’m not saying it correctly or paraphrasing it badly – I can’t find internet transcript of his exact words) He said that life isn’t a ladder to climb; it’s a lily pond. We are all on our own lily pads, and sometimes you jump from one lily pad to a bigger one, and sometimes you jump from a bigger one to a smaller one. And sometimes you jump onto a lily pad that sinks and sometimes you jump on to a lily pad that floats away and takes you somewhere unexpected and wonderful. I think this is such a beautiful metaphor because we live in a world that is obsessed with climbing the corporate (or what ever) ladder, but we have to realize that life is not all about climbing up. It’s about finding the lily pad where you want to be, and also about being willing to jump to a different lily pad when the time is right.

Cool Blogger’s Walking Club. Big thank you to Elisabeth for inspiring and highlighting daily movement. Some walks this week: walk on the trail near the 8 year old’s school, and grateful for a bench in the shade. Run at work on my dinner break, with blue skies and cool sculptures and architecture. Walk around the plaza at work on the day when I didn’t quite have time to go for a run. Walk to the Farmer’s market near work, where I got a pineapple ginger paleta (so refreshing, a bracing blend of sweet and spicy), and admired the front yard sculpture exhibit the neighborhood is sponsoring. A date to Costco with a friend (I’m counting this! We walked, and we got out of the house.). A walk on our nearby trail with a friend, catching up. A walk around the block one evening after work with the family, watching the kids collect leaves and run ahead of us, a perfect post dinner Sunday evening activity for Summer.

I was initially hesitant to declare participation because I knew I was going into a busy month, but you know what? It is more doable than I anticipated. I was motivated to find those ten minute chunks, late at night, on my meal break, etc. And it also gave me an excuse to try to cajole my family along with me. I think there was one day the first week of April where I didn’t get out and walk/run/bike, but I probably could have squeezed in something. Sometimes it takes planning, but also sometimes it’s about realizing when you have a bit of empty space. Not that we have to fill up all the empty space in our lives, but I’ve realized that going for a walk is still a form of having empty space – it gives me time to think, or not think, to breathe, and work out a bit of restlessness. Ultimately, though, there is no failure here. We do what we can do.

Grateful For:

-The above mentioned chance for the 13 and 8 year olds to be Mystery Readers for the 5 year old’s class. Before we went, the 8 year old said that he was nervous, but he did a great job! He read Pigs to the Rescue and The Giving Tree. The 13 year old read Daddy Daughter Day and 100 Dragons Named Broccoli.

-the box of tempation at work:

It is filled with chocolate:

-Everyone at work who does such a great job to make the show look and sound so good.

-Parent coaches. Despite what I wrote last week about the fight between the two coaches at the 8 year old’s soccer game, I really believe parent coaches are doing amazing work. I watched the 8 year old’s practice last Thursday. Herding a bunch of 2nd graders seems like an exercise in frustration, but Coach Greg kept it together and managed everything so well.

-Carpools. The thirteen year old had a full day of activities on Saturday, and I didn’t have to drive her to anything thanks to carpools.

-That I still have a job. It seems like every week, there is a new round of layoffs at work.

-Zhong zi, and my mother for bringing them. When my mother was visiting in mid April she brought a whole bag of zhong zi. These are sticky rice balls, filled with meat and mushrooms and wrapped in bamboo leaves. They are one of my favorite Taiwanese foods. One day when the fridge was pretty bare since we’ve been behind in the shopping, I needed a quick lunch and found the bag of zhong zi. I steamed them up and we had them for lunch and it was the perfect low fuss meal.

-comfortable shoes. That match the carpet at work. A wonderful thing on days when I am on my feet all day.

-Other things that make tech week go well: lunch boxes and ice packs, the Husband, a comfortable bed, water bottles, the ginormous chocolate chip cookies from the canteen at work, monitors and a strong conductor’s down beat.

Looking Forward To:

-The 13 year old’s middle school musical. Opens this week. I’m really excited to see it.

-My parents are coming for a visit. They very rarely come see us together, so this feels kind of special.

-May! What a month. We have lots going on this month – the 5 year old is FINALLY getting baptized. The 8 year old has first communion. The weather is turning the corner from Spring into Summer. Farmer’s markets. Piano recitals. Voice recitals. Happy Hour and lunches with friends.

-Watching Season two of Andor as a family. Well, actually, watching season one of Andor as a family. I haven’t even seen the first season. I hear it’s really really really really really good.

-Reading this book, not sure what it’s about yet, but I find myself nodding along with a lot of its shrewd and cutting observations. And the chapters are short so it flies by.

What We Ate:
Monday: Lamb stew, from the freezer. Thank you again, past me.

Tuesday: Taco Tuesday. The Husband made chicken tacos

Wednesday: I had empanadas from the Farmer’s market since I was at work. This is the best part of being at work on Wednesday. I think the Husband made some kind of sausage skillet for the rest of the family.

Thursday: Dinner out with friends.

Friday: I had leftovers at work for an early dinner then went out with the stage managers after the show and had a truly decadent dinner – scallops, risotto, kale salad, fancy guava soda made from scratch, peanut butter pie for dessert. The Husband and kids had pizza (take out) and watched Smoky and the Bandit. (Which I have never seen myself.)

Saturday: Kitchen sink chopped cabbage salad with chicken. I was kind of at a loss for what to make, so I took a bunch of sad vegetables from the fridge (cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, cabbage, red onion, avocado), chopped it up, added walnuts, olive oil, salt, pepper, and red wine vinegar. Threw in some shredded chicken and… dinner! It was tastier than it ought to have been given the despair I felt when I first opened the fridge.

Sunday: Egg/ Breakfast sandwiches. The Husband cooked because I was at work. I think I had toast and yogurt when I got home.

Hope you have a lovely week.
Do you have a Sunday reset? How was your April? What does May look like for you? What do you make for dinner when you are looking in despair at the fridge at 5pm? Do you feel like you are on a ladder or a lily pad?

Weekly recap + what we ate: Day in the Life

We are half way through tech week. I’m am exhausted, but it’s been a really smooth and productive tech process so far and everyone is working really well together, so that always feels good.

I was inspired by the Day in the Life post that Stephany (among others), so I thought I’d write one too. The last time I wrote one, it was a year ago, during tech week. This time, I thought I’d write about a typical rehearsal day – this is Monday April 21st. Of course it wasn’t a typical day because the kids were off school – they always get the Monday after Easter off.

7:15am – Wake up. This is a little later than usual, but I had stayed up way too late the night before to finish my book (Heartbreaker by Sarah McLean), and the kids didn’t have school, so there was no huge rush in the morning. The Husband took the day off to stay home with the kids today, so he was around. The kids get up pretty early on their own – usually 6:15a/6:30a. I have a vague early morning memory of one child standing next to the bed saying, “I’m hungry!” I told them to go to the kitchen and find something to eat. I get up, and make the bed. I’m not usually a linger in bed person. Once I’m done sleeping, I like to get out of bed. I pull clean sheets and put them on the bed because the cleaners are coming this morning and they will change the sheets.

7:30am- Family Meeting This s year we’ve started having weekly family meetings on Saturday at 7:30am, but the family was out of town last weekend, so we had our family meeting on Monday morning. Our family meeting format is:
-Shout outs
-Calendar
-Meal Planning
We used to also cover “agenda items” – issues that any family member wants to discuss. This would range from “Can I have X app on my phone?” to “Summer” to “My sister won’t play with me”, and often ended with someone storming off in anger. It was just a frustrating way to spend our Saturday morning, even though going over the calendar was important. Then I listened to this webinar on family meetings last week and picked up some good ideas to try: 1) shorter meetings, 2) shorter agenda, 3) take turning s leading the meeting. So we’ve taken problem solving agenda items off the family meeting plan in the hopes of making the meetings shorter, more efficient, and less emotionally fraught. The webinar said that family meetings are times to connect, and I really want to try to embrace that. (The webinar is from a local group called PEP – they lead all sorts of parenting classes and currently many of them are free to watch the webinar recording. I highly recommend them – I find their approach calming – they very much take a “parent as advisor/coach” approach to things.)

Family meeting tools: The three month calendar. Multi colour pens – each person gets a colour on the calendar. The red notebook is where we write shout outs and rose/buds/thorns. My Hobonichi weeks. And my phone.

9:00 – Family meeting over, move on with morning. I pack lunch for myself. It will be a long day at work, so I pack lots of food. I think I also made toast for the kids here too. Or maybe I made toast for them to eat during the family meeting. The cleaning people have arrived by now and they start in the basement. Usually we’re not home when the cleaners are here, but since the kids are off school, we work around each other.

Long day, lots of food.

9:30am – yoga/stretch. I’ve been doing really well at daily yoga. I really like Charlie Follows yoga. Since the cleaners are the basement, I do my yoga in the kids’ room without my yoga mat – it’s the only room that has a clear floor at the moment. At one point the Husband comes in to talk about some life admin details, and the kids come running in and out. It’s not a relaxing 15 minutes of yoga, but I’m not a meditative yoga sort of person. I just really want to move and stretch.

10:00am – life admin – Since I don’t have to be a work until later, I take some time to catch up on some computer errands – registration, paying bills, blog reading and comments, emails. I get dressed.

10:30am – I convince the 13 year old to go on a walk with me. It’s like pulling teeth, but I feel like if I don’t get her out of the house, she might not leave the house all day. We walk down to the trail and around the neighborhood.

Someone has been writing chalk messages on the path.

11:15a – back home and getting ready to go to work. When we get home I find the Husband in the backyard doing some gardening and the two little kids are hanging out with him. I start getting ready to go to work – since I don’t have to drive carpool today, I’ve decided to bike to work. I have to get my lunch box in my backpack, and an change of clothes. My sister in law calls while I’m packing to go to work. We talk two or three times a week – she lives in California and she usually calls as she’s walking to her bus which usually lines up with when I’m going to work if I have an afternoon rehearsal, so the time difference works out.

11:30a bike to work. I love that most of my bike commute is along a parkway, so the traffic is minimal and I can go for long stretches without a stop light. There is a big hill at the end. I don’t always make it up the hill, but this time I do! Yay!

The one busy road on my bike commute.

12:00n – arrive at work. change clothes

Then start my work day with some work at my desk – email, paperwork, putting cues in my score. Also checking in with the other stage managers. We have two shows going on right now, and since I’m the head of the department, I like to check in with the SM team on the other show when I can.

2:00pm – 5:00pm – first rehearsal of the day. This is an exciting day because we get to have a guitarist in rehearsal. We don’t usually get this but the guitar part is quite prominent in our show, so the conductor requested a few rehearsals in the room with the guitarist. The show also features a large electronica part- electronic music that is played on a keyboard. I didn’t get a picture, but it’s a very involved set up. At this rehearsal we work through the whole show with Principal singers.

The yellow Post It on the clock has our afternoon break schedule written on it so I don’t forget to break when we need to. Each of those green stickies is a light cue. This one particular section of the show is fiendishly difficult to call.

2:50pm- 15 minute rehearsal break. We typically rehearse 90 minutes then take a 15 minute break. Someone brought Levain cookies from New York and shares them during the break. My coworker and can’t decide which cookie to have so we each take one and split- oatmeal raisin and a chocolate chocolate chip.

Also on our break, we work on our team jigsaw puzzle. We usually have a puzzle going in the stage management office. We actually just started this one today:- it’s beautiful, the pieces are whimsical shapes:

Then we’re back at rehearsal, working through the show.

5:00pm – End of first rehearsal, Production meeting via Teams. Today is load in- when the tech team starts putting the set into the theatre. We have a brief meeting to check in to make sure all departments are on track for the final push to opening night.

5:30pm – Dinner. i eat my packed food, talk a walk, read a little bit of my book and do a ittle bit of the puzzle. Per union regulations, I get one hour for meal breaks which sometimes feels like a lot of time. (And some days not enough time…)

Bao, and sweet potato quinoa salad.

Sky on my walk.

6:30pm – 9:45pm – Second rehearsal. The evening rehearsal is with chorus. We only have 16 people in the chorus so it’s not too hectic. We work through all the chorus scenes.

Evening rehearsal- new Post It with evening break times.
There are a lot of rolling chairs in our show.

8:30p- rehearsal break! Puzzle and snacks. Then back to rehearsal.

9:45pm – 10:30pm – notes. After rehearsal the stage management team gathers to go over any notes that need to be relayed to other departments and then talk over the next day’s schedule. Tomorrow is a really light day- only one rehearsal in the evening.

10:30pm – Take metro home with my bike. I appreciate that I can take my bike on the metro outside of rush hour. I don’t appreciate that the metro elevator smells like pee.

Didn’t have to wait long for the train!
Train was pretty crowded at 11am because the hockey game had just gotten over.

11:00am – home. The metro is only four blocks home. It’s a beautifully warm evening and the road to the house is downhill and I love speeding down fast and coasting around the corner onto our street. So I do it twice. Two laps around the block with the wind in my face and then I pull in home.

I put away my lunch box, kiss the sleeping children, oil the cutting board, and spend a few minutes writing in my journal. Resisting the urge to revenge bedtime procrastinate I’m in bed by midnight.

Cool Bloggers’ Walking Club -I’m going to loosely interpret Elisabeth’s CBWC criteria as “get out of the house and move” because I didn’t do a lot of walking, per se, but I did:

Monday: bike to work + walk with the 13 year old (as detailed above)

Tuesday: bike to work

Wednesday: running

Thursday: dinner break walk the rooftop terrace at work (yet another picture of the Washington Monument)

Friday: Running on my dinner break.

Saturday: walk while the 13 year old was at voice lesson. There’s a meandering wooded trail. But if you look to the left, you’ll see we are right on a busy road.

I’m fascinated by deconstructed houses

Sunday: went ice skating while the kids were at lessons:

Grateful for:
-My work BFF brought me dill pickle chips! I might have eaten the whole bag in one sitting.

-The thirteen year old went on a walk with me!

-Beautiful weather.

-Parks and trails where I can enjoy the beautiful weather.

-Getting home safely at the end of a long rehearsal day. I’m going to be honest, driving home at 11:30/midnight is TOUGH.

-All the stage managers at work who gathered for an “Ask Me Anything” session with our two Production Assistants and shared their wisdom. The PAs are basically interns at the beginning of their career, so I like to have an AMA for them with the stage managers during their time with us. It’s voluntary for my staff, and I’m so grateful that all eight of the stage managers/assistant directors who were in town showed up to shared and support the PAs. Also they were all brutally honest about work life balance and the hard parts of being a stage manager, but also talked about why they loved the job too.

-My bike.

-Freezer leftovers for a low mental energy dinner. Thank you to past me.

-School and Teachers. Nothing makes one more grateful for schools and teachers than ten days at home with the kids over spring break. To be fair, I worked for much of those ten days.

-On that note, I’m also really grateful to the Husband for spending 10 days with the kids while trying to work from home and having a truly terrible hotel experience when he tried to take the kids out of town. (What kind of hotel still claims the rooms are unavailable because they are being cleaned at 8PM??!??!?!?) Also – grateful to the Husband who took the 8 year old to his soccer game, finally. And a shouting match broke out between the parent coaches. He says it was wild. I’m glad I wasn’t there, but also part of me wishes I had brought popcorn. The Husband had all the fun things to deal with last week.

Looking Forward To:
-Sleeping. Once tech week is over, I’m going to take a long nap.

-Evenings at home. I get to be home two nights next week. Yay!

-Mystery reader. You can sign up to read to my 5 year old’s preschool class. So we are doing that this week. I’m actually going to have the 8 year old and the 13 year old read. It’s not a big mystery because the 8 year old was so excited he has already told his sister.

-listening to this book on my commute:

What We Ate: I’m going to be honest – I ate mostly leftovers from the fridge because I was at work most nights. This is what I think the family ate, big thanks to the Husband.

Monday: Cabbage Soup from the freezer. Thank you Past Me.

Tuesday: Taco Tuesday. Carnitas from the freezer. Thank you Past Me.

Wednesday: No idea.

Thursday: Tofu and noodles. I prepped tofu crumbles for the Husband in the morning and he sauteed vegetables to go with it.

Friday: Pizza (take out) and Frozen.

Saturday: Nachos with the leftover carnitas from Tuesday.

Sunday: Bahn Mi bowls, using the leftover tofu crumbles. This recipe, but with tofu instead of pork, and noodles instead of cauliflower rice. Love this recipe – it is tasty and comes together super quickly.