Blame it on Christmas stress, blame it on endless scrolling of news… I don’t know, for whatever reason I didn’t get a whole lot of reading done in December. I did get most of the way through Braiding Sweetgrass, which was an amazing read, but then had to return it to the library, so it didn’t make the December list. But hopefully soon.
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya – 6h 15 m. I can’t remember why I had put this book on my holds list, but I didn’t read the “back” before I started, so it was a little slow to start for me, as I tried to figure out what story was being told. It ostensibly tells the story of Ultima, a mystical elderly lady who comes to live with the family of Tony Marez, a six year old boy. I really liked how this book explored how Catholicism and a more pagan spiritualism can be so divisive yet also can coexist. One of my favorite passages: “But from my father and Ultima I had learned that the greater immortality is in the freedom of man, and that freedom is best nourished by the noble expanse of land and air and pure, white sky.”
How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with Your Kids by Carla Naumburg – 3h, 26m. I think I had higher hopes for this book, but it turns out it was not so much about how you relate to your children, but how you manage your own moods and frustrations. Basically the take away is: stop being so distracted, put down your phone, and get more sleep. And while these are definitely things I am working on and it’s a worthwhile message, I was hoping for a book with magical solution for getting my kids to pay attention to what I say. I’m not sure that book actually exists.
American Spy by Lauren Wilkinson – Audiobook read by Bahni Turpin. This was an engrossing novel about Marie Mitchell, a young black intelligence officer who is sent to an African country to assist with a covert plan of American interference. Part spy novel, part romance, part family drama I was utterly absorbed. I almost wished I had read the book rather than listened to it.
The Wondrous and Tragic Life of Ivan and Ivana by Maryse Conde, Translated by Ricahrd Philcox – 6h 54m. We’ve been getting The Week magazine and I alway like reading the book recommendations. This title came to me off a list of recommended works in translation. The book tells the story of twins Ivan and Ivana as they travel from their home in Guadalupe to Africa to France, their lives diverging and converging yet always intertwined as they try to figure out how to live a good life. The language is very spare, but elegant and descriptive. The characters lack introspection, which sometimes annoys me in books, but I didn’t mind it here. It’s as if these characters were inadvertently caught up in a hurricane of human events and never had time to process them. Wondrous and tragic, indeed.
This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger – audio book read by Scott Brick – The Depression era story of four orphans who escape a Native American reform school and set off on an epic journey to find home. The main character had an almost cliched inability to trust other people which was a huge plot motivator, but also somewhat frustrating for me. But aside from that, this was a good story, well told – spun with enough tension to draw the listener/reader along, and peopled with complex, flawed, but surprisingly sympathetic characters.
2020 Media Recap
I probably read more last year than ever before: 50 books, and 18 audiobook. I think this was partly the pandemic, but I also tried really hard to read more rather than scroll. Around the summer, I put some time limits on my phone so that if I picked up my phone after 10pm, the easiest thing to do was read. I also liked tracking how much time it really takes to finish a book – usually 6-10 hours. Realizing the actual time commitment of a book, helped me realize that it is absolutely something that I can fit in and finish. Maybe in 2021 I will pick a truly lengthy tome.
Anyhow, some highlights of media consumed in 2020:
Books: The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai – deeply touching story which makes you think about what we have time for and what we don’t in this life. And Now We Have Everything by Meaghan O’Connell and A Life’s Work by Rachel Cusk- essays on motherhood that really resonated with me Shrill by Lindy West – dissecting what is funny and how to stand up when things aren’t. No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder- eye-opening book about domestic violence as told through many lenses.
Some delightful picture books we read this year: A Big Bed for Little Snow by Grace Lin – a little boy and the joy of jumping on beds. King Arthur’s Very Great Grandson by Kenneth Kraegel- a six year old descendant of King Arthur goes in search of adventure and finds surprising things. Green Pants by Kenneth Kraegel – the joy of doing our own thing, but also the hard choices of doing things for others. So many more, but I didn’t keep track….. Maybe I should start doing that….
Theatre: Jane Eyre from The National Theatre – my favorite book, brought to stage in such a dynamic, brilliant, and passionate production. The Metropolitan Opera nightly streams. So many great operas and their At Home Gala was particularly fun and insightful. Opera Lafayette’s The Blacksmith filmed on a ranch in Colorado. Whimsical, inventive and a does of happiness.
Podcasts: On Being with Krista Tippett – such contemplative, exploratory and wise convresations – particularly this episode with Jane Goodall and this one with Bryan Stevenson. Elaine Paige on Sunday for the unabashedly sentimental music of musical theatre. Chompers – brilliant idea: a two minute tooth brushing podcast for kids.
Crazy to me to think that nine years ago, I was 33 weeks pregnant and went in for a routine OB check whereupon they determined that my fluids were low and sent me to the hospital. And three hours later, the OB sliced me open, pulled out a baby, and we were suddenly parents.
And now that 4lb 8 oz baby is a creative, expressive, energetic, empathetic nine year old.
Since we couldn’t have a birthday party, we asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to watch Star Wars movies all weekend. So that’s what we did. Interspersed with a couple chores and some time running around outside. We didn’t watch every Star Wars movie ever, but we did get through quite a few – Rogue One, Solo, Empire Strikes Back, The Phantom Menace, and The Force Awakens.
At the beginning of the week, there was a call on our landline. Usually we let those go to voicemail, but the caller ID said “MD COVID” so I was pretty sure it wasn’t spam.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hello. This is ___ from the Maryland Health Department. Is this the parent of [Baby’s Name]?”
“Yes, this is.”
“We’re calling to follow up on [baby]’s positive COVID test result….”
**** mental record scratch in my head ****
So that happened.
The lady on the phone was quite nice and very understanding of the fact that one really cannot isolate a 15 month old on their own, so the whole family would be quarantining. I am also somewhat fascinated that they give you a letter for your school or employer that outlines the dates of your quarantine and dates when you can re-test.
Things I’ve googled since talking to the health department: “difference between quarantine and isolating” “quarantine protocol” “CDC COVID quarantine guidelines” “how to sew juggling balls” “building with cardboard techniques”
We are completely mystified since the rest of the family had negative test results. Apparently false positives are very rare, so I’m just assuming that the baby did indeed have COVID. The rest of us have been completely asymptomatic, so there is always a possibility that she did get it from one of us, and then the virus passed out of our system before we got tested. We’ll never know. It is frustratingly mysterious.
In essence, life continues somewhat the same as before, only we don’t go to the playground or on hikes, and we’ve finally had to figure out grocery delivery. Thankfully we also have some friends who went on a grocery run for us to our favorite small grocery store. I’ve had to miss winter walks with my college friend, but we’ve had lengthy phone dates.
I have never been so grateful to have a backyard.
Also very grateful for the new oven.
Other Fun Things this week:
Since life is very much focussed at home, I’ve been doing a lot of baking. After three weeks of uncertainty, my sourdough starter started to bubble and rise again. It had been three weeks of dutifully discarding and feeding with an anemic bubble or two of life to show for it. I was starting to wonder if I had killed my starter. I tried to make some bread with the inert starter around the new year, but the dough did not rise despite 24 hours in the “proof” setting of the oven (another feature of the oven which made me really excited). I had killed my starte once before, and in that case the pink scum on top of the starter left no doubt that the science experiment was done. But this time the scant bubbles I saw every morning of this starter kept hope alive. This week, though, some corner turned, and the starter came to bubbly, frothy life. I baked two batches of bread and fresh baked bread brought us much joy.
Sourdough – before and after!
I’ve been slowly working my way through the Busy Toddler preschool curriculum. It is pretty low key – just 30- 45 minutes of activities a day. Some of the activities are pretty hit or miss in terms of keeping the 3 year old interested. This week, though, tongs and pom poms were surprisingly engaging for both the littles.
Our kitchen window faces east, and it’s getting to the time of year when the morning sky is gorgeous as I make my first cup of tea. Definitely something that falls into the “savor” list:
What We Ate:
Saturday: Pasta and meatballs with Garlic Bread. A dinner request from the (now) nine year old’s birthday weekend. I made turkey meatballs which I then threw into the InstantPot with noodles and tomato sauce. (Love this method for making pasta and meatballs because everything can be made in one pot.)
Sunday: Chipotle. Second dinner request for birthday weekend.
Monday: Tombstone Pizza and Brownies. With cut up carrots. The (now) nine year old’s birthday dinner request. She also made most of it herself.
Tuesday: Roast Salmon and Green Beans with coconut rice. This was really tasty. The salmon was just salt, pepper, olive oil roasted at 400 for 15 mins. The coconut rice was from Run Fast, Cook Fast, Eat Slow. Basically you make brown rice and when it’s done you stir in coconut oil and torn up nori pieces. The green beans were from Meera Sodha’s Fresh India cookbook and featured sauteeing the beans in sesame seeds, ginger, garlic and tomatoe paste. It was really good and easy – a high taste to ease of cooking ratio!
Wednesday: Tofu Ground “beef” with noodles and pickled cucumber, radishes and carrots. A riff on the ground pork and rice noodle dish from Dinner Illustrated.
Thursday: Leftover Chili (The last of it)
Friday: Homemade pizza and Bears, the Disney Documentary – beautiful. Also I was really fascinated by the footage during the end credits that showed how the film crews were able to get close to the animals.
For Christmas in 2015, my husband bought me this five year journal. In it, he wrote:
Happy Christmas! I’m giving you this journal on December 25, 2015. I can’t wait to hear abut all the wonderful adventures you’ve had in 2020!
When I started this journal in 2016, we were in Taiwan, our first (and so far only) trip there with the 8 year old, who was then three. As we were were waiting for our flight out of SFO we received news that my grandmother had passed away. The trip became quite a larger family reunion than we could have imagined as all my aunts, uncles and cousins came back to Taiwan for the funeral. It was quite possibly the last time I was together with all my uncles, aunts and cousins on my mother’s side.
I think about where we were then. We were about to experience our third miscarriage in two years, and the idea of a second child, let alone a third, was seeming quite remote. That was the year I got to work on a Ring Cycle, that pinnacle of opera-dom. It was my last year working summer opera.
And here we are, 2020 just having ridden off into the sunset, taking with it times that I couldn’t have imagined, even if I were the type to speculate about the future.
Sitting down with this journal and a cup of hot tea has become a morning ritual whenever I can manage it. Over the years, my writing and pen tips have gotten smaller as I try to cram more and more thoughts onto the lines assigned for that date in that year. (I now use a 0.38 Pentel Energel Pen. Also periodically the Muji 0.3 coloured gel pens, but those tend to bleed, as I found out after an unfortunate incident with the baby and the aforementioned cup of tea.) As I write I like to glance at where we were in life the year before, then two, three, four years before. Often there are striking parallels – like coincidentally meeting up with friends on the same date two years in a row.
I tend to write about the day past, reflecting on what happened. I try to think of the whole day because so often what sticks in one’s mind is how the day ended. There have been many a day that have ended miserably that started wonderfully and I know I can’t let how a day ends define the whole day.
All in all, there are more entries that I thought there would be, even if, some days there is just a hastily scrawled “Tech.” or “Two chorus day”. No further explanation needed.
Even though sometimes there feels like there is a same-ness to life, that life has a certain repetitive rhythm, no two entries over five years are identical. Sometimes I do record an event that is recurring (case in point… “Still no sleep for baby”), but that event is nestled in a whole day that is different from the one before it. Similarly, the usual rehearsal/ tech / performance routine is only repetitive on paper; each show has its own challenges and moments of triumph. And when I look more broadly, at the weeks rather than the days, I realize that even when I feel stuck in an interminable grind, things do change and life does eventually move on to the next thing.
There are also empty entries. My second trimester pregnant with the baby is largely blank, for example. But this in itself is telling- I was horribly tired and working two operas back to back. I don’t need to have written it down to remember how I would steal away to take a nap in my car on breaks between rehearsals. Or how I didn’t tell anyone at work that I was pregnant again, even as I worked a gala in a slinky sequined dress and heels while six months pregnant. This I remember acutely without having written it down (and now, ironically, I’ve recorded here for posterity).
Such big things I do remember – glamourous once in a lifetime galas, births, deaths, family reunions. Also, surprisingly, the ranting venting entries of many frustrations all read surprisingly familiar. At some point in the past five years of looking back on journal entries, I’ve come to realize that I tend to remember how I felt about things more than what I did; the little things that annoy me still tend to annoy me. The rage and anger I felt about certain things have perhaps not been let go as much as I had hoped.
On the other hand, it is the mundane details of my day to day that that I have difficutly recalling and thus am most grateful for having a recorded. For some reason my memory of the daily grind is ephemeral. Looking back at the 183o (+/-) entries documented over five years really brings back for me the smaller moments of life- the long walks, the chilly days, what we ate, friends we saw. Sunshine. Playdates. Paperwork. Library visits. Naps. Snuggles. The banal. It is these things that Emily Webb speaks about in Our Town when she says:
“Do human beings ever realize life while they live it – every, every minute?”
Emily Webb is right. The anger and negativity, while definitely therapeutic to write down, is not what I want to remember. Realizing life I think is in those little moments of joy and security. I recently read a definition of bliss as “a second-by-second joy and gratitude at the gift of being alive and conscious.” (David Foster Wallace’s The Pale King, quoted in Kieran Setiya’s Midlife). I don’t want to be inauthentic about what I write in my journal, but I do think that I need to remember to record the bliss as well as the blech – to balance writing for the moment and writing for my future self.
A couple of months ago, Levenger was having a sale on their five year journals. I scooped up three of them. At the time it seemed quite indulgent. These journals are beautifully made- the paper is smooth, the linen covers are durable, the binding is sturdy- and they are not cheap – though I suppose if you look at cost per entry, they are actually quite affordable. The Levenger sale definitely prompted me to stock up, hoarding them like toilet paper. When they arrived I looked at them – decadently packaged in an elegant silver box and wrapped in a soft cloth. And it struck me that I just purchased something that I intend to use in the year 2035. There is something comforting in that. I can’t predict whether or not my child will sleep tonight, or what the three year old will next have a meltdown about. But, if all goes according to plan, in 2035 I will write something in the last of these three journals that I bought in 2020. Suddenly I feel like I didn’t buy enough. There is a whole other lifetime beyond 2035.
One of my resolutions this year is to go hiking once a month, and once a quarter to go on a new hike. We kicked it off this year by going to Cunningham Falls. While the hike we chose was short in length, it ended up having some challenging rocks to scramble over. The falls themselves were a little more crowded than we were comfortable with, so we just glanced at them and continued on. Definitely looking forward to re-visiting them in more precedented times. As our usual, we brought hot chocolate for the hike. The baby even walked the last half mile while clinging onto the Husband’s hand.
Rocky Climb
Most of the week was pretty low key. The baby had a fever. Normally this is something we would just roll with, but given.. the times… we called the pediatrician and scheduled a telehealth appointment. It was a pretty inconclusive appointment – basically chances were pretty slim that it was COVID related, but there wasn’t a zero chance. But on the other hand, it wasn’t anything that seemed to warrant going to the ER. The pediatrician said if we were quarantining at home, a COVID test was probably not necessary, but if we wanted that information, there was no harm in having one. We decided to get tested. The Husband and the eight year old went to rapid testing and had their results back – negative – by the end of the day. The two little kids were too young for rapid testing so we went to County testing site, which had a five day turn around, though it has taken longer than that for our results.
I have to say, the nasal swab was briefly, yet intensely uncomfortable. There might have been some eye watering on my part. The two littles, on the other hand, nary made a peep. “She is so quiet!” said the man who gave the baby her nasal swab.
So a quiet week.
Until….
On Wednesday, I turned on C-SPAN, and for a moment, I thought I was watching the next season of The Handmaid’s Tale. Then I realized, that the destruction and violence I was seeing was really happening. I feel like I am still, days later, trying to wrap my brain around what is going on. I wonder what people are so afraid of that they would literally destroy the center of American democracy. There are, of course, the lies they are being fed by the megalomaniac who is our President. One can’t discount the power of his words, but at the same time, I wonder what the new administration represents for some people, and why it makes them so fearful and angry. The whole thing makes me incredibly sad and I cannot believe this is what is happening.
Other things this week: – I’m taking this online course called the Science of Well Being (also colloquially known as the Yale Course on Happiness). In it, the professor talks about what research has discovered about what makes us happy. Part of the course are “rewirements” or rather concrete and mindful exercises to help you put the research into practice. So far they include things like: Savoring, Gratitude, Connecting with people, Acts of Kindness, Exercise and Sleep. I realized at the beginning of the year that I need to be a little more purposeful in tracking my attempts at rewirements. So I’ve started a page in my notebook to track and be purposeful. I’ve realized that Acts of Kindness is really hard in these pandemic times… that column has been regrettably pretty empty.
-Speaking of Gratitude: I am really grateful for the people who organize and work at the County COVID Testing Sites. It is free, easy, and outside. The day we went to get tested it was drizzling lightly, and the people working the testing center were out there in their rain gear, doing this work that I think is really important.
-My sourdough starter is not as robust as I expected, but I did get a batch of pancakes out of them. I’ll keep feeding it and hoping for the best. It isn’t skunked or anything, just…. anemic. I did try a recipe for apple and cashew stir fry as a topping for the pancakes and thought it was a great idea. The recipe is from Mark Bittman’s VB6 cookbook, continuing my Bittman kick lately.
Breakfast.
-I’m trying to be more purposeful with my time, especially where the three year old is concerned. He is great at entertaining himself, but he runs feral a little too often. So I’m trying to plan one or two activities for him throughout the day. This week, we made sourdough crackers and did some painting.
-I also attempted to make some Barbie clothes for the eight year old this week. I was hoping that she would be interested in learning how to sew, but she turned out to be more interested in having me do it. Oh well. I managed to make a wrap blouse and a peasant skirt. I’m always surprised when things I sew resemble something – like it’s some weird alchemy that thread and needle and cloth can transform into clothing. I don’t have an affinity for ironing, and I suspect that my projects suffer for that.
Not bad… I mean the sleeve ripped out after a day, but I think I could make another one.
What We Ate – another week without our produce box and eating up/ eating down what we had.
Saturday: Indian Take Out
Sunday: Kabocha Apple soup and 1000 hole crepes. Soup recipe based on this one, but I threw in a russet potato that I had laying around as well. The crepes were something I saw while leafing through old copies of Saveur magazine. Making them involves semolina flour and letting the batter rest for two hours, but all in all they were quite simple to make. The end result was stunning and delicious.
Monday: Mujadara and Morrocan carrots. The carrots were from the cookbook Cooking at the Kasbah, a cookbook featuring Moroccan recipes. We’ve had this cookbook for a while, and while I’ve enjoyed looking at it I’ve been a little intimidated by the recipes. This year, though, I’ve resolved to cook more from the many magazines and cookbooks that are on my shelves, and these carrots were a simple foray into this book. It just involves boiling the carrots in herbs and a touch of sugar (I used honey) until the carrots are glazed and just barely tender. It was a good preparation for some older, slightly bitter carrots that we had sitting around.
Tuesday: Leftover Chili w/ scallion corn muffins
Wednesday: Tofu and collard green with Soba noodles. Eat down the pantry/ fridge meal.
Thursday: Black and Pinto Bean Soup. Simple – saute onion, celery, carrots and then add broth/water, bay leaves and oregano, and about a cup of dried pinto beans. One pintos are soft, add two cans black beans, tablespoon chili powder, and about a teaspoon of chipotle pepper in adobo sauce. (I used a mix of canned and dried beans because that’s what we had in the house). Eat, topped with cilantro, avocado, and sour cream (or in our case yogurt cut with a bit of buttermilk – see above: “what we had in the house”)
Friday: Pizza (take out. I was going to make pizza, but we were out of yeast), and Star Wars. It is the eight year old’s birthday weekend and she has requested to have a Star Wars marathon so this was the first night of what will be a weekend of viewing.
It’s been a pretty low key week. There was no school, but the Husband worked Monday and Tuesday, and then took the rest of the week off. There was lots of Zooming with friends and family, and lots of family tussles as our energy periodically outgrew the confines of the house. I wanted to make sure to spend lots of time outside, too, and we did manage to go outside for a little bit every day, with some more extended outings. Aside from that, we slowly put our lives back together from the explosion of wrapping paper and toys that was Christmas.
One highlight was the book exchange I had organized with my mom’s group for the holidays. Over the weekend we had our book reveal. I’m actually quite proud of myself for putting the whole thing together. I created a survey online for participants to talk about their tastes in books, and then used a website to draw names Secret Santa style and everyone got someone to whom to send a book. There was also an option to have a book sent to your baby if you didn’t want a book for yourself. The online survey was really fun to put together – I based it on the format the Modern Mrs. Darcy uses for her podcast What Should I Read Next: participants list three books they love, one book they hate, what they are reading now and what they want more of in their reading life. (For the record – my responses were: Jane Eyre, The Great Believers, Between the Desert and the Sea// Gone Girl // Disability Visibility and Bless Me, Ultima// I don’t think I filled out the last question…). A couple days after Christmas we had a Zoom call where we revealed what books we received and talked about reading and books and life. I really liked having the time to talk about something not just our kids and hopefully we can make book discussion a regular thing. I’m thinking not a book club per se, because I think having to read a specific book can seem burdensome – but rather a time to gather to talk about what we are reading and swap book suggestions.
Monday I threw some frisbees in the car and took the children to a disc golf course in the next county. I know nothing about disc golf, but it sounded like a fun activity and as the weather was quite warm, it was a good excuse to explore a new place. I didn’t realize that there are actually special sized frisbees for disc golf, and rules and what not. At any rate, the field was so muddy from rain the previous day that after a few muddy tosses – including having to climb inside a tree to retrieve our frisbee – we quickly abandoned our attempts to play, opting instead for the playground across the parking lot. We ended up being at the playground for almost three hours. I had brought hot chocolate – my usual bribe when the kids are reluctant for an outing. There is something that feels so special about sipping piping hot hot chocolate outside on a (mildly) cold day.
This week I also took the baby to her 15 month check up. She growing and thriving. The pediatrician had some concerns about her lack of words and called in a referral for her to be assessed by the County’s Infants and Toddlers program. Honestly I am not too concerned as the other kids were also late talkers. Our second child received services from Infants and Toddlers when he was two years old, after we had declined services at 18 months. The baby understands us, follows directions and seems very capable. We will probably go ahead with the assessment, but I’m on the fence as to whether or not to actually commit to services. It is a bit of a time commitment for something that I’m not terribly worried about.
One day we went for a walk at the Arboretum. I had, surprisingly, only been once before and it was when the azaleas were in bloom. Winter seems hardly peak arboretum season, but there was actually a fascinating array of things to see. We explored the conifer collection – comparing and contrasting the wide variety of evergreens. Much of the collection had been donated from a private collection in New Jersey. It’s funny – when I think of collecting, I think of stamps and knick knacks. I never thought conifers were something a person would collect. But here was a wide swath of land that proved otherwise. Particularly interesting was reading all the tree tags on which it was documented where the tree was from and when it came into the collection. I was particularly struck by the wide variety of cypress trees.
There was also sweeping river vistas to take in, winter camellias lending a shock of color to the surroundings, bare trees reaching their finger like branches to the blue blue skies. These dormant trees, with their buds coiled tightly waiting for warmer weather, deceptively quiet, when really they are busy getting ready for spring. As I wandered among these sleepers, I wondered how they will bloom and unfurl come spring and resolved to come back in a few months to see.
Winter Trees.
An aptly named flower. “Winter’s Rose”
On New Years Eve, we played Ticket to Ride, ate some cake and then watched some tv as we waited for the ball to drop in Times Square. It was the eight year old’s first time playing Ticket to Ride and I hope we get to play some more as I quite enjoy that game. It’s the kind of game where you can be as competitive as you like, but there is also great satisfaction in just building really elegant train routes.
The Husband went to bed before the actual stroke of midnight. Just in time for the baby to wake up. I had been dozing on and off on the couch as the kids watched various tv shows and cartoon. Once the baby was up, though, I roused myself and watched the ball drop with all the kids cuddled on the couch. I know that there wasn’t a large crowd in Times Square as there usually was, but it was actually quite hard to tell how small the gathering was from the twenty minutes that I saw.
Anyhow, the baby rang in the new year by not sleeping, and so did I.
I know a lot of people are happy to see 2020 in their rear view mirrors, but I don’t know if I can dismiss it with similar vehemence. So many people suffered enormous losses this year – of loved ones, of incomes, of homes, of peace of mind- that all the dumpster fires analogies seem inadequate. In comparison, I definitely am so very fortunate that we came through the year with many reminders of how lucky we are. I mean distance learning has been difficult and being unemployed has been tough. I really miss my work and my colleagues. There are days when I just want to scream and scream and scream from the frustration of parenting. I miss having an identity beyond harried suburban mother. I miss libraries and museums. I miss playdates and grown up dinner parties.
But…. -my mom got to stay with us for four months (plus the two months she was with us at the end of 2019). And having that kind of support with the children and getting to hang out with her was such a gift. – the Husband got to work from home. – after an initial snafu, I was able to successfully file for unemployment. I know that a lot of my colleagues had a much harder time getting their government assistance sorted out so I’m glad I had good records and was able to submit the needed paperwork with little difficulty. Then, even after my initial benefits ran out, there was additional emergency assistance that has helped us. Unemployment benefits is in many ways an imperfect system, but I am so grateful for its existence this year. – we saved a ton of money on child care. – we discovered so many great outdoor places. I took the kids hiking by myself and no one fell off a cliff or got eaten by bears. – I read a ton of books. – I started figuring out my sewing machine. It is a rickety ancient machine, but it has been a workhorse, helping me crank out over 200 masks so far. And a pair of lounge pants for the three year old. – Before the world shut down, I was working on a really beautiful opera that I hope we will get to bring to audiences when this is all over. – My mom’s group is managing to stay connected and supportive of each other. – I got to see my friend Kristen every single week almost. And we agree that our 40s are so much better than our 20s or 30s. – I took a drawing class and learned so much about how to see the world and put it on paper. -I started this blog.
Fun things this week:
Fruit from California!
My parents had sent us some oranges from their tree in California. It was supposed to have arrived the week before Christmas, but it finally showed up on New Year’s Eve. I keep reading about how the mail has been quite delayed this holiday season what with an increase volume due to COVID. My hat is off to postal workers everywhere; it can’t have been an easy year let alone to say nothing of December. I had been concerned that the oranges would be a soggy moldy mess, but they were actually in great condition! I’m sure that despite whatever delays there was with the postal service, the mail was being kept in a cool dry place.
It was my birthday this week. Something that I try to forget about, but which those around me like to remind me of. Which probably makes me sound ungrateful, I realize. Maybe it’s the reminder of the inevitability of time marching forward? Anyhow, I used the day as an excuse to bake a cake. I made a Tres Leches cake from a recipe in our parish cookbook. I was initially drawn to the recipe because it called for evaporated milk. We had an incident a while back where instead of buying the sweetened condensed milk that I needed for Key Lime Pie, the Husband kept buying evaporated milk. Like three or four separate times. So we had several cans of it in the basement. Tres Leches cake calls for milk in many forms – and it was quite delicious.
Baking a cake.
We’ve started using the whiteboard function on Zoom to play Pictionary while on video calls. It’s been quite a hit. Sometimes I find it hard to make conversation on video chat – I guess I find it easier to talk to people in person. Pictionary has been fun because it’s an activity that we can all participate in and helps lessen the burden of having to make conversations. Also I like that it allows the kids to draw and play on the screen, but is so much more interactive than them just playing with the filters (which, quite frankly, annoys me).
I had made these door hangers last spring to use while pumping at work. Well we all know how much use I got out of them. So this week, when the Husband relocated his work from home set up to a room with a door, I repurposed on my door hangers for him:
I finally got around to playing Mario Kart, which the Husband purchased as a family present this Christmas. I am somewhat abashed to say that the three year old beat me the first two times I played. Perhaps I have some resolutions to make for 2021 afterall.
Mario Kart and matching pjs- How we spent the Winter Break.
What We Ate: I didn’t really meal plan this week. Plus a snafu with our Hungry Harvest Box led to no box this week. I hadn’t realized how much of my meal plannings was based on what came in our box. So it was a rather scrounge about week.
Saturday: Homemade pizza + The Happiest Season. This was our first attempt at pizza in our new oven. I used both our pizza stone and our baking steel – a luxury of having two ovens. Homemade pizza is so much better than regular store bought! I found some pineapple and anchovies in the fridge and also a can of olives so I threw those on one of the pizzas and was in umami heaven. One of the pizzas I tried to make on the pizza peel and the dough stuck, so I rolled the dough with the toppings into a log and we had a pizza roll instead. It was actually a fortuitous discovery as it made a version of pizza that was very portable and less messy than an open faced version.
Sunday: Smoked Salmon and English Muffins. I used this recipe from the Washington Post for the English muffins. I liked this recipe a little better than the one with sourdough that I had tried last week – these muffins came out with beautiful nooks and crannies, and the whole wheat flour made for a hardy taste.
nooks and crannies.
Monday: Dumplings and brussel sprouts with noodles.
Tuesday: Tofu Banh Mi Bowls. From this recipe, but with baked crumbled tofu instead of ground pork. And soy sauce instead of coconut aminos. Part of my resolve to plane one vegan grain bowl for dinner a week.
Wednesday: Pasta with jarred marinara and garlic bread.
Thursday: Vegetarian Chili and jalapeno cornbread. The Husband cooked. We are trying to eat less red meat and the thought of turkey chili seemed…. not quite what we wanted. So I suggested we ditch the meat altogether and just make a vegetarian chili. The Husband found a recipe that called for black beans, cannellini beans, sweet potatoes and corn. We also had some chili base in the freezer from a previous chili making effort, when we had made too much of the tomato-y part. All in all a good meal to use things up. Though we have a lot left over so maybe there was ultimately zero gain in freezer space.
Friday: Homemade pizza and Cars II (It was the three year old’s turn to pick). I didn’t see much of the movie because I had misread the pizza dough directions and didn’t realize that it needed two rises. So I was still making pizza when the movie started. But on the other hand the pizza turned out well.
