Diane

Books Read in March 2021

The Stationary Shop by Marjan Kamali read by Mozan Marno – Lovely lovely book about two teenagers who meet in a stationary shop in Tehran and fall in love. They are separated on the eve of their marriage and the novel tells about how their lives play out – the choices and non-choices that shape how our paths unfold. Sometimes I find coincidences in books elegant and sometimes predictable and clumsy. This book was somewhere in between – predictable yet elegant.

The Heartbeat of Wounded Knee by David Treuer – 16h, 15m. Treuer writes about the history of Indians in America after Wounded Knee, basically taking up where Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee ended, but also trying to break down the mythology of that book. He details the difficulties of integrating cultures and how crushing a dominating group can be. At the same time he wants people to understand Indians not merely by their history, but also by their present. “Less and less,” he writes, “do we define ourselves by what we have lost, what we have suffered, what we have endured.”

One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London – 5h 10m. Contemporary romance novel about a plus sized blogger who writes a scathing post about a Bachelor-type tv program and then gets picked to be their next star. Although it is marketed as a romance novel, I find the whole reality tv Bachelor star idea inherently unromantic. Also, the book is not really about her finding love, but about her finding herself. I know a lot of people loved this book, and I really liked the premise, but ultimately I was pretty lukewarm about it.

Recipe for a Perfect Wife by Karma Brown – 4h 23m. This novel is about Alice Hale, an aspiring writer, who moves with her husband from Manhattan to a house in the suburbs. There is a parallel story of the previous owner, a 1950s housewife. Both women are struggling with achieving an ideal domesticity, something that is both appealing and suffocating to them.

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig – 4h, 8m. The main character in this book tries to commit suicide and ends up in this purgatory-like library where the books are alternate versions of her life. I think I preferred Haig’s How to Stop Time over this book – while both books grapple with existential questions about one’s life choices, How to Stop Time was better plotted. This book felt a little too wrapped up in the idea of exploring alternative lives, and there was very little momentum to the story.

Fashionopolis: The Price of Fast Fashion and the Future of Clothes by Dana Thomas – hard copy. Thomas looks at the impact of the clothing industry on the economy, the environment, and the people who make our clothes. While the effects of keeping up with our insatiable appetite for clothing are pretty damaging, Thomas also explores how people and companies are coming up with kinder, more sustainable ways to keep ourselves clothed. Even looking at my closet, I can absolutely see how the fashion industry is so huge and pervasive. I wish that the solutions that Thomas highlights weren’t so high end. It seems that sustainable fashion – like so many other sustainable choices before us (Tesla, anyone?) – are only within the reach of those with money. The wasteful and poor quality clothes, the cheap stuff that doesn’t last – there is a market for it, and that isn’t something that can be solved with $400 eco-friendly jeans.

Holes by Louis Sacher – read aloud with the nine year old. I really enjoyed this book – it was clever, engaging and poignant. A hugely satisfactory read.

Weekly Recap + what we ate – long time coming

This week, two things finally happened:

I got my first shot of the COVID vaccine.

I finally listened to Hamilton.

Okay, this last was way overdue. Like I’m seven years late to the party. But my goodness, it is very very good. It feels historic and contemporary all at the same time. And that thing where usually a show has a whiz bang first act and then the second act sort of meanders and is lost… not at all the case here. The second act was heartbreaking.

When I was a pre-teen/ teenager, I would listen to musicals constantly. I could sit and just listen to endless repeats of The Phantom of the Opera and Les Miz. But somehow, I stopped making time to listen to music in that all absorbing, rapt way. Which might be why it’s taken me so long to jump on the Hamilton bandwagon. When I first started hearing about it, it seemed like it was a complex work that would take attention. And I just never bothered to make time.

But one night, I was sewing masks. I had just finished my latest audiobook (Nomadland – also very heartbreaking and hopeful) and wanted something else to really sink into as mask sewing is a somewhat mindless activity. So I pulled Hamilton up and started listening. And at first, I thought, “This is clever, very very clever. And innovative.” But then, once my brain got past what a groundbreaking piece this was technically, I got sucked into the story telling, the personal and political drama of a country being formed. And now, I can say, I get it. I understand all the hype. And yeah, it was probably well deserved.

Other things this week:

The Husband has been spending a lot of time in the garden. This week he had mulch delivered. The kids lost no time in claiming the mulch tower in our driveway for their own:

The weather has been alternating rainy and sunny, as is typical of spring. I love both. We’ve had rainy muddy walks and bright sunshine-y walks and plenty of playground time. I worry that the nine year old may soon lose interest in playgrounds. But I hope not.

The four year old insisted that we take a picture of this tree. “It’s like a claw!” he exclaimed. I love his imagination.

Also – the baby is a climber. This is what happens when she is left unattended:

This bird-shaped sweet potato came in our Hungry Harvest Box. I find it charming and can’t bring myself to eat it. So I guess it will just perch in the kitchen indefinitely.

I listened to this interesting episode of the Ideas podcast from the CBC where they discuss the idea of a pill for treating heartbreak. I’ve been thinking lately – probably in part from working my way through the Yale Happiness Course – about how we pathologize mental health. I don’t know that there is necessarily any one right answer to these questions, but I do find it interesting, the discussion about balancing how we normalize mental health with embracing neurodiversity.

Oh – this week’s art project was to do a self-portrait. Definitely an uncomfortable assignment. The critique sessions felt fraught yet supportive. While I appreciate learning about facial proportions, having to draw myself felt strangely revealing, though not literally.

What We Ate:

Saturday: Rice Paper Spring Rolls – another kitchen sink meal. Not a hit with the kids, though I always like this meal.

Sunday: Cornflake Chicken and bagged Ceasar salad beans. The nine year old made the chicken.

Monday: Beet Yogurt Rice from Meera Sodha’s East and random “chaat” salad (cucumbers, apples, watermelon radishes, shallots, chickpeas, lime juice, salt, and garam masala). I loved this meal for getting my family to eat beets and for being so pretty:

Tuesday: Salmon and Green Beans.

Wednesday: Sweet potato curry from Milk Street Fast and Slow. We ate it with millet. I was expecting this to be a little more saucy and it was actually quite dry. The flavours were good though.

Thursday: Polenta Soup with Cannellini Beans from Milk Street’s Cook-ish.

Friday: Pizza (ordered in) and The Love Punch. 2013 breezy romantic / caper/ heist comedy starring Emma Thompson and Pierce Brosnan. It was my turn to choose and I mostly wanted to watch it because watching Emma Thompson on screen is always immensely satisfying. Also there is something to be said for making fun movies with more… seasoned actors in the leads. I like watching movies full of smooth, pretty youth as much as the next person, but sometimes I want the people in the movies I watch to be something ahead of me, not in my rear view mirror.

A propos of that thought… when we were doing our self portrait critiques for art class, many of my fellow students – who are retirement age or older – were lamenting how they found having to draw their wrinkles somewhat difficult in that it made them have to confront physical aging. And my reaction – which I wanted to say, but didn’t want to come off as gauche – my reaction was, “Why your faces are so much more interesting than my own! I found nothing interesting or complex to draw in my smooth cheeks. My face is so boring. In fact, I would have been glad for some wrinkles to give my face character.”

Stage Management Skills in Real Life: green sticky dots

I very much love this use of green sticky dots.

Earlier this week, I got the call to schedule my vaccine appointment. While I feel like I had waited forever, in truth, it was just last week that eligibility had only opened up for me – under 65, no health conditions or qualifying employment. I had been feeling antsy and impatient, but I had been ready to wait. I had heard through the neighborhood listserv that there was one particular vaccination site in the next county that had plenty of availability, so I switched my site preference on my pre-registration to that site rather than the one in my own county. And actually, when I looked at the map – this other site was actually closer to me than the one in my own county. Then I just waited.

Monday evening, as I was clearing up dinner, I got a phone call. The automated call put me into hold que. Around twenty minutes into waiting, I started to despair, thinking that it had just been a bug and I’d gotten my hopes up. But I stuck it through. (I tend to be the person who stays in their original checkout line at the grocery store even though it is the slowest one.) And after thirty minutes, someone picked up. They had appointments for the next day, and I said, “Yes, Please!” I was booked for both shots right then. I’m really grateful to all the people working the phone lines, scheduling appointments.

My appointment was at a state site. It was a series of large temporary structures set up in a parking lot and run by FEMA, though I also saw people from the Coast Guard there too. There was directional signage and arrows on the floors and friendly knowledgeable people. In fact, it kind of reminded me of the first day of tech in a new space. I was asked for my appointment QR code and ID and then pointed towards a door and sent to another station where I was again asked for my QR code and ID.

And then, to my delight, amidst all the scanning and vetting and iPads and what not, I saw something very familiar: at each station was a pack of green sticky dots and a pack of orange sticky dots.

These are the very same sticky dots that I use to put spot light cues in my score. Seeing these sticky dots delighted me to no end. They are such a staple of my stage management kit that I feel almost possessive of them – silly, I know. But my sticky dots, aside from one or two homeschool/ preschool art projects, have been languishing unused for over a year. It gave me great joy to know that someone somewhere (or many someones) were using sticky dots.

So after asking me questions about allergies and my current health, the nice young man doing my intake put a green sticky dot on me. I guess it meant that I was low risk for immediate side effects.

I moved on to the next station, where I rolled up my sleeve and very nice person jabbed me in the arm, handed me a vaccination card and I was then directed into yet another tent.

Here in this tent, I sat with all the other green dots on the left side of the room, where there were rows of chairs spaced six feet apart. I was told to have a seat and wait for fifteen minutes before I could leave.

So I chose a seat and sat there, six feet from my fellow vaccinated. Kind of like the graveyard scene in Our Town.

The white canopy of the tent made for a soft, diffuse natural light filled space – all bright and airy. It was the most well lit and quiet place I had been in a long time.

I might have stayed for more than fifteen minutes.

The Husband texted: Are you coming home?

I replied: I don’t know. It’s quiet and well-lit here.

–I have a 2pm meeting

–Fine, okay.

I’m already looking forward to my second shot.

Weekly recap + what we ate – sunshine and spring

Easter weekend – it gave me pause to think that this has been the second Easter we have spent socially isolated. Usually we go over to a friend’s house and dye eggs and eat a lot of food. For the second year, we stayed home and looked for eggs in the living room. During Easter service, the father talked about how this is the first Easter in two years that they’ve been able to have people celebrate in person. While I do miss church in person and hearing the music live, there is admittedly something easier about streaming church in our living room. At any rate, singing is still prohibited at our church’s in person mass, so at least at home I can sing at the top of my lungs. I do love the music at our church. Lately they’ve been having a small hand bell ensemble and the ringing musical texture seems appropriately joyous.

I like having ham at Easter. And the past couple of years the nine year old and I have been making my mother-in-law’s rainbow jello. Technically it’s a recipe from the box, but the recipe has been carefully hand written onto a recipe card and kept in her recipe box. This year, everyone got to pick a jello colour, so it wasn’t strictly rainbow, but still beautiful.

Monday was still spring break, so I took the kids to a nearby nature center, one we hadn’t been to before. I feel like nature centers are somewhat hidden gems here; everyone knows about the playgrounds, but the nature centers, with their outdoor nature playspaces and kid friendly trails are usually less crowded.

The nine year old was delighted to discover a vine for swinging and the other kids loved playing in a wooden plane. This nature center also has a trail that leads to a pioneer homestead – a collection of buildings that recreate a post-Civil War farm. The buildings are closed, but I always find it fascinating to think about how early Americans lived in such simple structures. I suppose there was no need for many rooms because so much time was spent outside working. Leisure surely was some impetus to have multiple rooms for habitation.

Then it was back to school for the nine year old and back to … not quite sure what for the rest of us. Back to mornings at the park, and afternoons trapped under sleeping babies. And pick ups and drop offs. And seeing friends. All this and the beautiful weather too. The weather this week was warm and sunny – actually this would be my ideal summer, but I know that it’s just spring. At any rate, it has meant lots of time in the garden (for the Husband) and out on walks with friends (for me).

In our continued exploration of the parks in our county, we came across one that was next to an old trolley line. The trolley line has since been converted into a walking/biking trail, and it goes over the major freeway. The day that we visited, there was a fender bender on the freeway just where the trail overpass crosses. We stayed for quite a while on the overpass watching the police cars, fire engines and ambulances with their flashing lights. I watched the state highway worker try to clean up some of the debris with a push broom, sweeping pieces of fallen tree off the road, into the ditch. Something about his actions struck me as so exactingly diligent and slightly out of place. Afterwards, we stood on the overpass and pumped our arms to get the truckers to honk for us. And to our delight, many of them did.

Art class assignment this week was to create a surrealist drawing from reference pictures:

This image is a combination of a drawing of a dog made by the nine year old, the baby’s sonogram image, and an avocado art print. For this assignment, I spent much time on this website of images in the public domain. The site reminds me of the picture collection at the New York Public Library – I remember in college going there one day and spending an afternoon just pulling random categories from the files and looking at images.

COVID moment – So the nine year old is supposed to be learning recorder for music class. Only, now that she is in person, they are not allowed to use their recorders because of the aerosol factor. The students were told that they could use pencils, but the Husband and I decided that we could do better and made her a fake recorder out of a dowel we had lying around the house:

I feel like this will come in handy one day when I’m back at work.

Inspired by the Science of Well Being Course (which I am still slowly working my way through) – I’ve been keeping a list of things I’m grateful for. I feel like it’s a very cliched thing to do these days, but I like the exercise of it, so here are a couple things that made the list so far this month:
– dental insurance – finally got a cleaning after a year and a half and it felt so good.
-the hanging pot rack in our kitchen for allowing us a way to store pots easily and visibly
-vaccine eligibility opening up
-the nine year old’s kindness towards her siblings
-the former owner of this house, who planted hyacinths and tulips bulbs – colourful harbingers of spring. I always forget that they are there and then I’m always surprised when they pop up every year.
-Truckers who honk to make a little boy’s day.

What We Ate:

Saturday: Nachos – the Husband made them. They were tasty. We should have nachos more often.

Sunday: Easter Dinner – ham (basted with Coca Cola), garlic and herb marinated zucchini (one of my favorite ways to eat zucchini, though it requires frying so I don’t do it too often because I don’t like the mess of frying), green salad, Sally’s rainbow jello, chocolate pudding (an easy yet extremely satisfying recipe – I like making it with really dark chocolate and minimal sugar). I also made chocolate walnut scones in the morning and a carrot cake the night before. The Husband and the nine year old had given up chocolate for Lent, so I wanted to make sure there was chocolate dessert for Easter dinner.

Monday:Brussel Sprouts and Rice from East. While I won’t say the family dislikes brussel sprouts, it isn’t their favorite vegetable. This recipe, however, was really good and everyone ate it with zest.

Tuesday: Smashed Squash with Cilantro Pesto from Bittman’s Dinner for Everyone. Eh. The elements of this dish were better than the combination. Or lack of combination – the flavors just didn’t seem to meld.

Wednesday: Butter Garlic Noodles with Mushrooms from Milk Street’s Cook-ish. Noodles and mushrooms are two of the four year old’s favorite things. This was really really good.

Thursday: Cider Braised Lentils from Milk Street’s Cooking Fast and Slow. Made in the InstantPot. The Husband said this dish defied expectations. French lentils cooked with leeks, apples, and apple cider and garnished with pickled apples and radishes. There was an option to eat it with goat cheese or yogurt, but it really didn’t need it. Adding to our rotation.

Friday: Pizza (take out) and The Lion King. The Lion King has never been my favorite Disney movie – mostly because I find Simba a pretty week character and the plot without momentum. But I have to say, I did enjoy this more than I remembered.

Weekly recap + what we ate – Spring break and all the colours!

The children picked some spring nosegays for the kitchen window sill.

It was spring break, and even though we stayed in town, I think we packed a good number of adventures in.

I took the kids on a new to us hike about 45 minutes away. The trail was part of a County park, one of those wilderness areas that you find in the suburbs – felt remote but you could still hear the traffic. A couple months ago, I got a book that listed hiking trails in our area that were child friendly – the book even lists whether or not something is passable with a jogging stroller. I’ve been using that book to plan a lot of our outdoor adventures. On this particular hike, the baby managed to walk for almost two hours before asking to be picked up and then promptly fell asleep in the sling. It was a pretty solitary hike -perhaps because it was a weekday. But we did meet some beautiful dogs and one person on a bike. I’m not sure I stayed on the trails outlined in the book because we did not reach the shores of the lake, but we did see some other pretty neat touches of human existence in the woods:

We also went to a petting farm in our area for their Easter Egg “hunt”. While there we saw a kangaroo, turkeys, pigs, all manner of bovine, alpacas, and guinea pigs. The kids also fed some goats and climbed on play structures refashioned from large tractors. I was fascinated by the eggs that one of the workers there collected from the chicken coop – they were perfectly pastel Easter colours straight out of the chicken.

The Husband also took a day off during Spring Break, and we went up to Longwood Gardens. It was a beautiful mix of bare trees and riotous blooms, and the weather likewise alternated bitingly cold and windy with warm sun. The blue poppy display in the conservatory were apparently a very rare treat and so striking. We’ve decided to go to Longwood at least once a season so that we can truly see the panoply that the gardens offer.

For drawing class:

One day a couple weeks ago, the Husband came home with this mini watermelon.
“What’s that for?” I asked. The Husband is not terribly fond of watermelon, so I was a little perplexed by the purchase.
“I thought you could draw it. See all the cool green stripes?”
And the watermelon sat there for a couple weeks because I was busy drawing toys. And then this week, while looking for some fruit to eat with lunch, I saw the watermelon. The kids love watermelon. So I decided to cut it up for them. But then I remembered. I was supposed to draw this watermelon for my husband. But the kids were waiting for watermelon. What to do?
Now in class, our teacher is quite adamant that we need to draw from life, and not from a picture. It was the middle of lunch, however. I wasn’t going to not feed them the watermelon. So I took a picture. And later that night I drew the Husband his watermelon.
I find seeds make the watermelon eating process very inconvenient. At the same time, a picture of a seedless watermelon still somehow looks… off. Like it’s missing something.

It’s April.

I made some indulgent purchases this week:

I love drinking tea. Piping hot tea. The problem is, however, that it always cools by the time to get around to drinking it and then I have to run the kettle again. Also the baby loves to play in my tea cups if I leave them out. She sticks her hand in the cup, fishes out the tea bag and the proceeds to wipe the table with the tea bag until it breaks. What was once a relaxing ritual has actually become quite vexing and stressful.

So I did something about it. I bought an insulated cup with a sealable lid. It’s been amazing. Definitely an “added value” purchase. Hot tea all day, and no baby tea bag art.

I also went on a planner binge and treated myself to two new weekly planners. I usually do my planning in a Muji notebook, but they seem to have discontinued the ones I usually use, so I thought I would try something new. I bought a twenty four hour planner so that I could track my time and wellness habits, and a small weekly planner to plan my weeks. So one planner is for plotting my weeks and one planner is more for daily reflection. I’ve been feeling a little unproductive lately, and I find that tracking my time and planning on paper helps me focus my time. As much as it can focus while chasing a toddler.

Goals: Read some poetry every day. April is National Poetry Month, and I’ve decided to read at least one poem each day. I already get a poem in my blog feed every day via this website – though I don’t often read them, or when I do I only read them in a cursory fashion. This month, I’ve decided to really take time to read the poems which show up in my feed and I’ve also checked out some poetry books from the library both for the kids and for myself. Sometimes I find poetry challenging and dense, and I’m never quite sure that I “get” it. But I love the way words fit together to form super concentrated thoughts and ideas and images.

Good listen: I was listening to the radio obituary for Dick Hoyt on NPR a couple weeks ago and the story of his life has really stuck with me. Hoyt came to prominence for pushing his wheelchair bound son Rick in hundreds of marathon and races. Together they were known as Team Hoyt, and their perseverance and selflessness is inspiring. Listening to their story made me wish that if one of my children ever ends up in a wheelchair, I hope, like Hoyt, I never get tired of pushing them.

Oh, and the week began with a rainbow. It’s hard to hold a grudge against rainy weather when it produces such things as these:

What we ate:

Saturday: Burrito Bowls – black beans, corn, rice, avocado

Sunday: Panang curry – tofu, green beans, potatoes, cauliflower… It was a “clean out the veggie drawer” meal.

Monday: Leek, mushroom and kale subji from Meera Sodha’s East, eaten with chapatis. Kind of like an Indian stir-fry. Another “clean out” meal, that miraculously we had all the ingredients for.

Tuesday: Eggplant polichatttu from East, and chaat salad from Made in India. The pollichatu is basically eggplant layered with an onion/shallot/garlic mixture and then baked. It involved two of my favorite ingredients – curry leaves and tamarind. Tasty, but a little time intensive so I’m not sure it will be repeated.

Wednesday: Take out. Wednesday was rough and mid afternoon I texted the Husband and suggested that he bring home take out.

Thursday: Leftovers after returning home from Longwood gardens.

Friday: Pizza and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. To be honest, I didn’t much pay attention to this movie.

The country we call home

In the wake of the spa shootings in Atlanta that left eight people dead, six of whom were Asian Americans, I’ve increasingly seen tossed around idea that people should “check in” on their Asian American friends and acquaintances. The spa shootings were just the latest in a string of attacks on Asians in the country. It seems that in the past year, anti-Asian sentiment has been exacerbated by a pandemic that started in China. The “China flu” or “Kung flu”, the whole list of xenophobic labelling has certainly been indicative of a casual and pervasive racist attitude, one that was amplified by our former president. It has made me so unspeakably angry.

I’ve been thinking of the idea of “checking in” a lot lately. No one has asked me how I feel or how my community is doing, and truth to be told, I think I would find it a little awkward if someone I don’t regularly have contact with were to contact me just to “check in”.

At the same time, I’m not going to lie, the radio silence does sort of sting – not because I personally want a spotlight on myself as an Asian American. Rather, the lack of discussion on the topic in my day to day conversations has left me wondering if the anti-Asian bias that I’m seeing is all in my head. Were these shootings just another American mass killing, that really isn’t about race? Is the anti-Asian sentiment which I feel has really come to the fore in the past year – is it something that I am imagining? Does being a model minority mean that we are expected just to ignore this and not make waves? When we don’t talk about racism (or ageism or ableism or sexism, or misogyny, what not) it gives the impression that it isn’t perceived as a problem in the world we live in.

I don’t want my children to feel like being half Asian is a burden, or makes them a target. I don’t think they quite understand that very real possibility yet. And while it would be great if they could go through life thinking that they have the privilege of being white, I want them to understand that there is a very real bias that they could face in life. It is a bias that may lead to them being fetishized, passed up for jobs, stereotyped, bullied or teased. I mean maybe not, hopefully no, but I’m not going to tell my kids that this will never happen. I tell them that this is something we as a society need to work on, even myself.

I understand the hesitancy to talk about this with one’s Asian friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Heck, I even wondered if I should have said something to our favorite sandwich guy who is Korean. I didn’t and I kind of regret it. I understand not knowing if one is doing or saying the right thing. And, to be fair, there is no one size fits all for this kind of thing. Some people would appreciate to be asked. Some people would rather not. Some people would welcome the opportunity to contribute to the narrative. Some people would resent being seen as a spokesperson for a whole continent. Some people would appreciate the sincerity. Some people would label it just another in a long string of performative gestures. It’s difficult to navigate – I get it.

But even if we aren’t talking about it, I hope people are thinking about it. I hope people are acknowledging that even if anti-Asian sentiment is not something they themselves see, it is indeed a very real and scary and is a legitimate reality. I hope people realize that it is not okay for these things to be happening.

I for one, though I might find the conversation awkward, would never fault anyone for doing what they felt was the right thing. Connecting is hard enough as it is, and any opportunity to do so is good, right? Awkward conversations are still conversations.

Anyhow if you were to “check in” with me, this is what I would say:

My father walks several miles a day. Lately he has taken to carrying a pointy stick with him on these walks. I would like to tease him about it and dismiss him as being paranoid and melodramatic, but I can’t. For him, being a victim of violence because of his race is a very very real fear. My parents, who have been on this continent for over fifty years, have done all the right things to be good Americans (and before that, good Canadians). They have contributed only good things to the society and economy of this country. And it really sucks immensely that this is how unwelcome they feel living in the country that they call home.

Weekly recap + what we ate – vaccine impatience

Trees and Rocks – another of our weekday park adventures.

It feels as if everyone is impatient these days to get the vaccine, and it seems like such a fraught topic. So many of the eligibility requirements are deeply personal so even as I am curious as to how people my age are getting their shots, I feel like it would be intrusive to ask. I’m trying to remind myself that I will get my shot soon – our governor’s goal is to open eligibility for everyone over 16 by the end of April – and that I just need to practice safe habits til then. Having the prospects of getting my shot in sight has given me a little sense of momentum, but I feel like our state has been slower than many other states and that makes me restless. Restless momentum. Seems appropriate.

Whenever I try to look into it, it appears like the pathways to a vaccine appointment are varied and scattered. There are so many options and websites to check. I am amazed and grateful for the people who have the time and know how to help others find the vaccine and who are working so that those without internet or other such resources can get their appointments. This grassroots type of vaccine hunting is really inspiring. I suppose there is no easy way to vaccinate hundreds of billions of people and everyone is doing their best.

More sign of spring:
The birdsongs are incessant these days. It reminds me of the days when I was in college, staying up all night to finish that paper that had been put off too long and was due imminently. I usually got into such a deep sense of flow writing that I wouldn’t realize that I had pulled an all-nighter until I heard the first bird calls of the morning. And the whistle of the Dinky train.

There is something about hearing birds that will always be associated with mornings to me. Although I do love how birdsongs change throughout the day.

The birds have returned to nest in our eaves.

Rainy days. There was one very very rainy day. It was the nine year old’s half day and by mid afternoon, I had had it and forced everyone outside for a little walk. The little walk turned into an hour in the light rain. I hadn’t expected to be out that long, so I didn’t bring the stroller for the baby. Before I knew it, we were at the local park, much farther than I thought she would walk. She did need to be carried the last half block home. In the long run, though, her stamina and determination to go onward on her own two feet does make for the whole process of the daily walk to be a lot more impulsive now that I don’t feel the need to drag the stroller out too.

“If all of the rain drops were lemon drops and gumdrops….”

Sunny days. Seventy degree summer weather on the heels of the rainy day. We continued to explore parks while the nine year old is in school. This one was particularly interesting because the land used to belong to one of the prominent families in the County and the original houses still stood nearby, though they are still privately occupied. In addition to the playground, there were some large boulders which the kids enjoyed climbing.

The baby turned eighteen months this week. We had a little cake to celebrate. She had a check up and a shot, this latter made her cranky and tired all day. There is still some concern about her language development, so I might have to be a little more aggressive about starting services for her than I would prefer.

In drawing class, we continued working with colored pencils:

We were to draw a still life, and I chose to set up some of the kids’ toys. The classic Fisher Price phone was the first object I chose, and then I went through the playroom looking for other toys with faces that I could gather. I feel like finding the right colour match is still difficult for me, but I’m realizing that colour is relative. So even if the blue of the police car doesn’t completely match the real thing, it just needs to be the right color relation to the rooster, say.

The slice of life I want to remember:

The four year old is very good at entertaining himself. He will play with his cars and trucks endlessly on his own. He has also always loved books and spends large chunks of time just looking at books. I love watching him as he flips through books, taking in all the illustrations and repeating the words from memory. In those moments, I envy the life in his man bubble. Also – he’s been obsessively wearing that Doc McStuffins coat.

What We Ate:

Saturday: Can’t remember. I do remember it wasn’t as simple as I usually do.

Sunday: Leftover Pav bhaji, with a mango salad on the side.

Monday: Lentils with Roasted Broccoli and Goat Cheese from Dinner Illustrated. On Saturday, we were running some errands in a certain part of town so we stopped at the fancy grocery store -kind of a local Whole Foods. It had been so long since I had been to a grocery store, that I went a little crazy and stocked up on all manner of grains, beans, and legumes. Also – they seemed to have the entire Bob’s Red Mill catalogue in stock… and I might have gone a little overboard. If I could only shop one brand for the rest of my life, it might just be Bob’s Red Mill. Anyhow, one of the things I picked up were French Lentils (Puy lentils) – I had long heard about these as being a really sturdy lentil, but never had the opportunity to try them. I made a recipe from Dinner Illustrated, and I think they are now my favorite lentils – they don’t get mushy and taste somehow fresher than brown lentils. Definitely going to try to find more ways to use them.

Tuesday: Salmon and ginger green beans.

Wednesday: Asparagus “Risotto” from Milk Street’s Cook-ish. The Risotto is in quotation marks because this recipe actually uses Israeli couscous – another purchase on my exuberant grain shopping spree. Cook-ish is the latest in my obsession with Milk Street cook books. The recipes are supposedly very simple with not a whole lot of ingredients.

Thursday: Ordered Foodhini. Foodhini is a company that delivers food prepared by immigrants. They currently have chefs from Laos, Afghanistan, The Ivory Coast, and Eritrea. It was our first time ordering, so we tried something from every country. It was all really delicious.

Friday: Pizza and Toy Story (the first one). Watching the featurette on Toy Story, I am reminded about how utterly groundbreaking this film was. They showed clips of the animators working, and I think it’s the first time I fully grasped the fact that a lot of the animation was done by manipulating numbers.

Weekly recap + what we ate: Back to school!!!!

A welcome sight – the school bus fleet back on the roads! And also – the trees starting to bloom!

On Monday, the nine year old went back to in person school. It’s such a fraught decision, and no one-size fits all choice; every family needs to see what is best for them. So we looking at CDC guidelines and weighing our sense of risk against the stress that distance learning was causing for everyone – we knew that sending her back was the right choice for our family. She was so happy to see her friends again, though only about a third of her class elected to return to in person learning. The look of joy on her face at the end of every day helps me know that we made the right choice. At least the right choice for now. It might not be the right choice in two weeks, or three week, or what not, but it is the right choice for now.

So this week was about, again, adjusting and finding a new rhythm.

There is the commute to school. I don’t love having to drive up and down the freeway four times a day – actually only twice because I come home on local roads – but it felt like a more controlled environment than the school bus.

There is the morning routine and having to get used to leaving the house again.

There is the way my day is now defined by drop off and pick ups – which I think is helpful for me to focus my energy, but at the same time I still feel a little lost on how best to use the time.

I’ve decided that I want to visit as many of the parks in our county as possible, so after drop off, I will take the four year old and the baby to a playground.

The baby is frighteningly adept at climbing play structures. She loves going down slides. The four year old has gotten used to being asked to catch her at the bottom. He stands there with his arm outstretched as she come wooshing down the slide, colliding with him. He valiantly tries to keep upright while not letting his little sister hit the ground, and usually he succeeds. Watching sibling interaction has been one of the great joys of the pandemic.

My phone finally had to be replaced this week. I’ve had the same iPhone 6 for almost five years and The Husband tells me that it’s time. I’m a little resentful because I feel like things should last longer than five years, but the touch screen stopped working, so I guess he’s right. I tried to get by using voice command for a while, but it was getting a little ridiculous.

The whole process of getting a new phone was somewhat frustrating. I remember it being a lot easier five years ago – but now it seems that you need a lot more additional things just to be able to function. I feel like a curmudgeon about the whole thing.

Anyhow, I have a new phone and everything transferred smoothly, except for my Whatsapp which I didn’t realize had to be backed up separately. Oops. Actually there is something almost disappointing in how seamless my new phone set itself up. The new phone looks almost exactly like my old phone and I find myself missing that sense of “new” that usually comes with upgrading devices. It’s an odd sensation – like the new phone is wearing the same clothes as the old phone.

Some fun weekend adventures:

The husband had to work over the weekend, so I took the kids to the local Botanical Gardens and playground. So many signs of spring! The nine year old spotten some frog eggs in the stream. There was sunshine and fresh air and trees still bare, but starting to bud. The baby went down the slides at the big kids playground. Not the two story high one, but the smaller big one.

And there was this meditation that I found lovely:

On Sunday, we tried to take the kids to watch planes land; there is a playground near the airport where you can almost get your eyebrows shaved by landing planes. Unfortunately the parking lot was full, so we went to a playground around the corner though the view of planes wasn’t as spectacular at that playground. On the way, we got milkshakes and fries. It was probably in truth a touch too cold for milkshakes, but they were still tasty.

Steak ‘n’ Shake! Mid-afternoon indugence.

The baby has started asking to wear a mask when we go out. By “ask” I mean she hands it to us and makes her little insistent seal barking sounds. (She is still not talking, though she will repeat “dada” and “mmmm” (milk), and “baba” (for bao bao, Mandarin for “Pick me up” or “Hug)). I feel a little self conscious about her wearing a mask; is it overkill? – but on the other hand, she will have to start wearing one in six months, so I’m glad that she is okay with it, and it seems safe.

Fun project: Inspired by a conversation with my friend Kristen, who is a preschool teacher – I decided I wanted to try my hand at making butter. Holy cow it actually works! I wasn’t sure it was going to work because it took a lot of shaking and since I used a stainless steel jar I couldn’t see the progress. The kids lost interest after a couple minutes, so I kept going. It was a somewhat act of faith for me to keep shaking. I had made whipped cream from shaking before, so going from liquid cream to the smooth and thick whipped cream was expected. But then I thought – where does it go from here? And I keep shaking and shaking, the jar is soundless as I shake it. And then it becomes this kind of rough, chunky whipped cream. And I think, “That looks gross….” But I close up the jar and keep shaking. And at some point, there is a sloshing sound, and I open up the jar and see:

I’m sure there is some kind of metaphor here for theatre and art – about shaking and shaking and and having faith that the results will be consumable, even if the midway point looks chunky and clunky and messy.

What we ate:

Saturday: Pasta with jarred red sauce.

Sunday: Tofu banh mi Bowls with noodles

Monday:Chickpeas and Kale on Barley from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Fast.

Tuesday: Shrimp, Fennel and White Bean Stew from Mark Bittman’s VB6 cookbook.

Wednesday: Green beans and tofu stir fry w/ brown rice.

Thursday: Pav Bhaji from Meera Sodha’s Made in India. The Husband called this Indian Manwich – basically it’s a vegetable mash of eggplant, cauliflower, and potatoes cooked in cumin, coriander, garam masala, tumeric and amchur (we used chana masala powder instead). The whole things is slathered on buns and eaten topped with red onion and cilantro with a squeeze of lemon. Everyone asked that this be put into our meal rotation!

Friday: pizza and That Darn Cat! I’ve been borrowing from the library some of the Disney movies that I watched growing up. The four year old thought this movie was hilarious.

Books read in February 2020

A good month for reading – lots of audio books!

Dear Mrs. Bird by AJ Pearce, read by Anna Popplewell – Light hearted novel set in London during WWII, about a young lady who aspires to be a journalist, but ends up writing for a women’s magazine and secretly answering letters from readers. It was a light story, in that stiff upperlip British way where tragedy comes and goes but everyone manages to keep going with their lives.

Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube by Blair Braverman – 6h 39mins. Braverman is a dogsledder and journalist and in this memoir, she recounts her personal journey as a young adult as she moves from cold environment to cold environments. There was something really immediate about reading this book as we went through a cold, snowy snap – I kept thinking, “Well at least it’s not so cold here that the dog food freezes before you can get it from the boiling pot to the dog bowl.” I envy her bold sense of adventure and her fearless impulses, but at the same time, there were moments when I seriously questioned her judgement and some of her recollections it made me nervous for young women trying to assert themselves in a world that still wants to make them victims in so many ways.

Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Anker – (hard copy). I enjoyed this book more than an other I’ve read in a long time. One day Toby Fleishman’s ex-wife just drops their two kids off with him and then goes AWOL. The novel follows Toby as he tries to juggle family, work, and love life while trying to figure out what happened to his ex-wife. I first hear about it on the Everything is Fine podcast, on an episode when they talked about how wonderful it was to read a book where middle aged women were seen as having an advantage over younger women. Books about midlife crises and suburban moms sometimes really grate on me; I often find them full of privilege and self indulgence. But for some reason this one really resonated with me. I felt so understood from the moment in the first chapter that the main character says:
“I was now what was a called a stay-at-home mother, a temporary occupation with no prospect of promotion that worked so hard to differentiate itself from job-working that it confined me to semantic house arrest, though certainly I was allowed to carpool and go to the store.”
I think this book perfectly captures the ridiculous yet heartfelt angst of trying to get through life as an adult, the confusion of waking up one day in a life that you don’t quite understand, even though you feel like you did all the right things. This book was one of those “neglect your children for an afternoon so you can finish it” experiences for me.

A Rule Against Murder by Louise Penny – 7h 49m Book four of the Inspector Gamache series. I wasn’t entirely convinced about how the mystery itself played out, but I really enjoyed the way Penny gradually reveals characters and their backstories. I’ve been working my way through this mystery series. There is a certain laconic pacing that makes for slow reading, but that is part of the reason I find these books such a comfort read.

The Good Neighbor:The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King read by Levar Burton – I really enjoyed listening to this audiobook. Growing up, we didn’t have a television until I was seven years old, but I do remember watching some of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. I remember actually being quite unnerved by the puppets. Hearing about how Fred Rogers came to create his famous television program and the philosophies behind his work, made me think about the choices I myself make with my children, particularly this pandemic year where we are re-thinking what we want as an educational experience for our children. Rogers’ insistence that a child’s emotional well being should be prioritized above learning numbers and letters, helped me tamp down any anxiety I might have over a “missing year” with the schools being closed.

Utopia for Realists by Rutger Bregman, read by Peter Noble – I tend to be left leaning, no surprise there, so a lot of the ideas presented in this book by the Dutch historian and writer are kind of my catnip. Universal basic income, open borders, fifteen hour work week, etc. I mean this book is pretty much preaching to the choir here, though I do appreciate knowing that Bregman presents research to show that such things are actually beneficial and not just pipe dreams. He also attributes the left’s inability to bring about change to their lack of radicalism, pointing out that Trump found a lot of support in the far right wing because his rhetoric was so outlandish. Bregman urges the left to be just as outlandish and crazy as the right – the anemic, polite posturing will not shift any needles. Food for thought.

Weekly recap + what we ate – getting out of town

Sunrise on the C&O Canal tow path and the lockhouse where we stayed.

The nine year old had a surprise non-instructional day at the beginning of the week, followed by two days of asynchronous learning. In layman’s terms that meant she didn’t have to go to school for three days. So we left town.

I booked us to stay a night at a lockhouse. These are historic houses along the C&O canal that were built to house the lock keepers and their families. Seven of them have been restored and furnished with period appropriate furniture by the C&O Canal Trust, and can be booked for a stay. I had read about these a while ago and something about the historic and rustic nature of them really appealed to the romantic in me. So when I was looking for a place to take the kids for an overnight, a lockhouse struck me as the perfect pandemic get away since they are remote and only one party stays in at a time. So after dithering for a couple days, I booked one about an hour away and packed the kids up for an adventure.

We first went hiking at Catoctin National Park. I chose a hike that was less than a mile so that the baby would be able to walk the whole way. The hike was colder than I had anticipated – I had forgotten how quickly a change in altitude and make temperatures plummet. There was still a good amount of snow cover on the ground. In the end, though, we didn’t get too far. We came across a pile of boulders and the two older kids just wanted to spend their time climbing and scrambling. Seeing them figure out how to scale to heights was actually pretty awesome.

We got to the lockhouse mid afternoon. It was spare and rustic, and oh so quiet. The house had electricity, but no indoor plumbing. I knew about this going in, but I don’t think I fully realized the simple luxury of indoor plumbing until I had to spend a day without it. I had anticipated having to use a portable toilet, but then there were things like washing dishes and hands, draining pasta, and brushing your teeth, that are definitely easier when the water has a place to drain away.

We spent our daylight hours strolling along the Potomac and walking along and in the abandoned locks. The locks have been abandoned for almost 100 years an in that time forests and meadows have grown in them. Looking at them, I was really struck by how little time it takes for a forest to grow if people let nature do its thing.

In the evening we made a fire – I hadn’t brought marshmallows because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to make a fire. The kids really wanted one, though, so I did make one after dinner. And then another one the next morning. I did have some sliced apples, so I wrapped them in foil, brushed them with honey and bacon grease (the only kind of fat/oil I had on hand) and cooked them over the campfire. They were really tasty. Though, I suspect most things are tasty when eaten outdoors and by a roaring fire.

We didn’t sleep much that night. The kids weren’t used to being somewhere so dark and quiet and it was a little unsettling for them. We ended up sleeping with the lights on. I felt for sure that the trip was a failure, but in the morning, they were all smiles and excited to explore and run around outside.

It was by no means a fancy get away. But it was quiet and screen free (though, I did read my book on my phone after the kids went to bed). We hadn’t gone away since before the pandemic had hit, and I was getting a little stir crazy, to be honest. It was just nice to be surrounded by a different four walls for a little while and to imagine what life was like in this little community of Four Locks.

On the way home we stopped at Antietam Battlefield. I was never much of a Civil War buff, but being at Antietam, and seeing how vast an expanse it was, and thinking of the number of lives that were lost in this one battle… it made me realize how crazy difficult and horrible the Civil War must have been. I mean any war, really. But thinking about how lacking in technology they were and how difficult military strategy must have been given that lack…

Burnside Bridge and the sycamore tree that saw the Civil War.

And it’s not a road trip without a stop for ice cream. Two cones and a milkshake for less than seven dollars. We were definitely not in the city.

This week’s drawing assignment: We got to work in colour finally! We used pencil crayon (which, I think are called colored pencils in America; pencil crayons is what I called them growing up in Canada). Working in colour is definitely harder than one would think. Like learning to draw, I’m learning that working in colour is about breaking down what we see into parts rather than thinking of them as a whole. So, for example from below, shadows are not just darker versions of the table, but their own colour. Something being darker or lighter is not a matter of black and white, but of blue, purple, yellow, red… it is about the colour, not the light. Just as with drawing I had to learn to draw the lines of the object, not the object itself, I think the same applies to using colour – you draw what is there, not what you think is there.

The rest of the week seemed pretty heavy on life admin stuff as we get ready for the nine year old to go back to school. It fills me with excitement, worry, doubt and hope. As we round the corner of one year of staying at home, I’ve felt like the past twelve months have felt impossibly long but also it’s gone in a blink of an eye. I feel like I’m in much the same place I was, but the baby has gone from being immobile to scaling table tops and the middle child is (mostly) potty trained. Things move forward, even when I can’t.

More signs of the onward trudge of time – this tree that I took a picture of last month is no longer quite so bare:

What We Ate:

Saturday: Can’t remember. Maybe takeout?

Sunday: Roast Cod and Vegetables.

Monday: Tortellini and Ravioli. Carrot Sticks and snacks. Dinner at the lockhouse.

Tuesday: Breakfast Sandwiches. The Husband made dinner.

Wednesday: Penne with Broccolini and Goat cheese from Milk Street Tuesday Nights.

Thursday: Cauliflower Curry Soup from ATK Vegan for Everyone.

Friday: Pizza (homemade. I put anchovies on it, but I had forgotten which side and got it mixed up…. that was not popular) and Loony Tunes.