Weekend – Page 2 – Life Off Headset

Weekend: Finding Space

The weekend turned out more spontaneously social than we had expected. We had planned to knock off a bunch of house chores, and hopefully get the Christmas lights up, but then social invitations popped up. With it being the long weekend, it felt like we had a luxurious amount of unscheduled time. I think even with the spontaneous gatherings, it felt like a good combination of social, holiday, and house chores.

We did two big “go-through-and-purge”s. With the kids we went through their books and filled a box with books they were no longer reading. I have mixed feelings about owning books. I love having books, and I can remember how each book came into our lives. Who gave them to us, the bookstore I impulsively picked it up, the Little Free Library the baby raided…. But the reality is, even though we make liberal use of the library, books keep coming into our lives, and space is finite, and I’ve been finding it harder and harder to bring hard copies of books into my life permanently.

We have a linen closet in our house that we dubbed “The Library”. Shortly after moving in, we realized that we had more books than towels. And the Husband and I always joked that we wanted a library in our house. There are also various bookshelves scattered throughout the house. The Library is mostly the things we aren’t currently reading. We spent the morning culling the bottom three shelves, namely where the children’s books were, and also going through every book in the kids’ room and in the living room bookshelf. Even still, we only ended up with a small box of books to disperse back to the Little Free Libraries in our area. For some reason, I thought surely there would be more books to go into the donate pile. But books that we hadn’t opened in ages were clung to and declared “keepers.” Well, at least we made enough room for the books that will come in as Christmas gifts, which was kind of the idea anyway.

I also went through the baby’s closet and swapped out the 18 month clothes for 24 month/ 2 T clothes. It’s always bittersweet for me, moving to the next size of baby clothes. I probably put it off way longer than is prudent, until the children are squeezed, sausage-like, into too tight leggings and t-shirts.

When the baby hit 18 months, all I could find were the boy clothes from the 4 year old. I have no idea where all the girl clothes were. Probably passed along? So the baby wore mostly boy marketed clothes. This time, when looking for the 24 month/2T clothes, I found a bin of boy and a bin of girl clothes. The girl clothes had been packed away for the past eight years and unpacking them brought back so many memories. I realized, too, that there were also clothes that I have no memory of. Not sure if I was working much more in those days or what. I have to admit, I love buying girl clothes – they are always so bright and cute and cheerful. I’m sure there’s some kind of gendered expectations there that I’m pushing subconsciously. But, truth – boy clothes are often just… boring and dull. Greys, blues, khakis, stripes.

With a morning and half an afternoon devoted to chores, we spent the rest of Saturday at a friend’s house, celebrating a birthday. It was one of those visits that start as an open ended “Come by and the kids can play while we chat and enjoy some beers” and evolves into “Let’s order dinner.” And five hours later, with bedtime a good half hour in the rear view mirror, we are packing very tired, happy kids into the car.

Sunday morning, we explored a Seneca Creek State Park. We have so many county and national parks near by that this park was not even on my radar, even though it is only thirty minutes away. We met up with a couple of families from my mom’s group for a playground and walk. We started off at a the nature playspace – basically a bunch of logs set up for clambering and jumping. From there it was about a half mile walk along a trail around the lake to a recycled tire playground. Of course the half mile walk took almost an hour, but each kid went at their own pace, exploring sticks and rocks and dirt as they went. The playground was great because there was something for all the kids, including a zipline that kept the nine year old busy. I often think she might be getting too old for playgrounds, which is tricky when the two younger kids do still very much love going. Often when we go to playgrounds, unless she is with a friend, she is great at playing with her younger siblings. It was great, though, that this playground could be engaging for her.

Morning play and walk at Seneca Creek State Park.

The evening we kicked off holiday movie season with watching Elf and having milk shakes. It was a good holiday weekend.

Weekend: things they say

Last weekend, I hosted some friend from my mom’s group for a Sunday brunch in our backyard. I was a little nervous about the weather being too cold. But although the morning started in the mid 40s, by mid morning, it was into the low 50s and the sun was out. Sunshine always makes things warmer.

We don’t have any real play structure in the back yard, just a couple logs and a baby slide. (Oh and a water table, but that’s hardly a November activity.) At first I thought it might not be enough to entertain a bunch of kids. The Husband kindly opened a section of his garden for digging, and we put out his childhood Tonka trucks, and I threw out a bunch of balls and some books. And you know what? That plus the bagels and hot chocolate was more than enough to keep them busy. I’m glad I thought to put some books out; it gave the kids an excuse to sit quietly between bouts of frenetic activity.

My favorite thing the whole morning was the nine year old taking upon herself to entertain the younger kids. She read to them, she set up obstacle courses, she threw balls for them. She already has job offers to be a Mother’s Helper!

It was probably a little too much to try to squeeze in the morning get together between church and the four year old’s Mandarin class. I had to leave the kitchen a messy pile of dishes and hot chocolate and cream cheese crusted knives. But I think people are itching to gather again, and I’m eager as well. I do wonder when I’ll feel comfortable hosting and attending a large indoor gathering again. We’ve been over to friends’ houses and hung out indoors, but only when it is just their immediate family and the five of us. I feel like for now, it just feels safer and perhaps more cautious and easier mentally to decide that all gatherings should happen outdoors.

In other thoughts: Because we were a little concerned that the baby wasn’t speaking, earlier this fall, I started to keep a list of the words that she says. In September, it was mostly “b” words: ball, beep, baby, bu(s), beh (bear). In October, the list grew: cake, read, see (usually said after I take a picture of her because she wants to see the result), milk, Max, Mama, Dada, Walk, Me, (s)nack, up, yup, duck, Crocs, Bacca (for Chewbacca or really anything Star Wars related). Her vocabulary is such a microcosm of her world and the things that are important to her.

So far in November she has added: digger, moon, rock, bike, ca(r), pie, mitten. Also jie jie (older sister) and ge ge (older brother). And- a big milestone – she has started to put two words together. The first time being “No, mama!” She actually didn’t start to say “No” until quite recently. When asked a question, she usually would say “Yup!” if the answer was affirmative, or just give a nonchalant shrug for negative answers. But this month, she has started to say, “No!” And she is not shy about using it.

Other two word phrases so far: “Wake up!”, “Milk pees (please)!”, “No way!” All very loud declarations.

On the way home from Mandarin classes last weekend, the four year old said, from the back of the car, “Mama, my face is the whole world!”

I’m not exactly sure what he meant by the phrase, but it struck me as such a profoundly simple statement. I read somewhere that according to the latest census data, multiracial people are the fastest growing racial group in the United States and that they will some day be the majority racial category in this country. I find myself coming back to this prediction as I look at my son. As someone who grew up in a very white small town, watching mostly white people on tv, I do love the idea that my kids are seeing people who look like them in the media.

When I look into my son’s face, I do see so many things. On one level, I see Taiwan and the American Midwest. But I also see so much happiness and pensive thoughts and frustrations and tears and concentration and the light of discovery. I see the Husband as a child, and I see the potential of children for many things. Oh my goodness, “the whole world” indeed.

Weekend: Being Boring

The kids’ Saturday activities are wrapping up; the four year old had his last soccer session and the nine year old has one more session of dance next week. There is still Mandarin Class for the four year old and swim clinic for the nine year old on Sunday, but we’re keeping Saturday pretty open for December so that we feel like we will have the capacity to partake in some holiday festivities as they come up. The Botanical Garden’s annual holiday train is outside this year, and I’m looking forward to a trip down to the Mall to see that. And I definitely want to take in one of the light displays in the area. And there is a Christmas Tree, and putting up the Christmas lights….

I’m not sure what possessed us, but on Saturday, we decided to take a trip to the Pringel Family Creamery, about an hour away. It seemed like a reasonable Saturday afternoon family adventure. We had gone there on the ice cream tour last summer and really liked the pimento cheese. They also have an Everything Bagel Cheese spread that is really good too. In the summer, there were lots of cows out and you could sit outside, eating your ice cream while watching the cows waddle through the pasture. It being November, there were only a few cows and it was too cold to eat ice cream outside. But I did enjoy my cherry chocolate chunk ice cream inside and that was nice.

Afterwards we found a little trail and went on, what I called a “tromp through the woods.” As it was already getting dark – the sun is setting by 5pm these days – we only went for about half an hour, but it was a nice little path and it was nice to stretch our legs among trees and streams and logs.

Sunday, I took the four year old to Mandarin class. I had to bring the baby with me, so I didn’t get my run in, but I did take the baby on a walk and we saw a family of deer. That was pretty cool. I know deer are kind of regarded as a nuisance around here, but it still makes me breathless to see one.

One of the websites in my Feedly is A Poem A Day, and the other day, Wendy Cope’s poem Being Boring dropped into my feed. The last lines of the poem are:

Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.

I was thinking of this poem the other day, when my self-employed friend who is trying to navigate the world of online dating asked me, “What is it like to have a both a job and a life partner that you like? It’s like you have it all.”

Well, first of all, I only have a job that I really like off and on, which I think helps me feel really appreciate it. And I have a great husband, but we still squabble over socks (mine) left on the floor. And then I thought… I never really think that I “have it all”. Or if I do really have it all, this isn’t what I thought it would be like. All this mundane day to day. The diapers and bills and constant cleaning and tears and bedtimes and carpool and evenings exhausted zoned out in front of the tv. It is certainly a lucky and privileged kind of mundane life, but it is definitely not exciting. There are no European vacations (even pre-COVID) or fancy cars and I wear ratty sweatpants more than I care to admit. (Actually, not really. I am happy to admit that I live in sweatpants and leggings these days).

I mean a trip for Pimento cheese and cherry chocolate ice cream… that sounds like enough of an adventure for me some days.

Maybe the answer to my friend’s question is that having it all is actually pretty boring. And that’s a good thing. It’s that “Safe mooring” that Cope writes about.

Weekend round up: dark days

The clocks set back last weekend. We managed fine. Saturday there was soccer and dance and then a visit from an old friend and mentor of mine who was in town. We spent lots of time outside and at parks. Saturday night we family Mario Kart night, which we hadn’t had in a while. I’m still phenomenally bad at Mario Kart; the four year old and I trade for last place throughout the game.

The baby was up early on Sunday. But she’s always up early. And honestly, the difference between 5:00am and 6:00am is kind of negligible on a Sunday morning. At the other end of the day, I had planned a Zoom book club meeting for my mom’s group at 8:30p, scheduled weeks ago, not realizing that it was Daylights savings and that we might all be exhausted by then. Six of us managed to joined the call and while we were all spent and tired by 9:45p, it was a nice chat and catch up.

I read this essay in the Washington Post that pointed out that we are now entering into the 90 darkest days of the year. Saturday, November 7th is 45 days from the Winter Solstice. And on the flip side, February 4th is 45 days after. To think of it another way, this is the darkest quarter of the year. Metaphorically speaking, I hope.

The other day, the four year old asked if we could go back to the “Kangaroo Pool”.
“No,” I said. “That pool is only open during the summer.”
“Oh,” he said, disappointed. He thought for a moment then asked, “When will it be water Wednesday?” Water Wednesday is waterplay day at school.
“Water Wednesday is only during the summer,” I said.
“What is it now?”
“Right now it’s fall. Almost winter. It’s too cold to be out in the water.”
“Why is all the fun things during the summer?”
“Well,” I said, “We can do fun things in the winter too….”

I started making a list of fun things in the winter for us to do. And at dinner the whole family made suggestions:
– build snowmen
-drink hot cocoa
-make snow angels
-drink tea
-Christmas
-ice skating

Even though the nine year old will be fully vaccinated by Christmas, I think this will still feel like a pandemic winter in a lot of ways. Definitely not as restrictive as last year, but still no air travel or family visits or indoor dining as a family. I did notice that the nine year old’s favorite restaurant is having live Irish music again, and I was thinking that might be a nice celebratory event for two weeks after her second shot, just her, the Husband and me.

Still, I need to take time to think through and plan some things to enjoy and savor in these next ninety days. I do love a good lazy hunkering, but I know there are also many ways to embrace this darkest quarter beyond the house. Plus there is my 1000 hour outside aspirations. Even with the specter Global warming looming, I don’t want to take the current mild weather for granted.

The holidays are imminent, and will be here before we know it, and then it will be the new year and that fresh page. The to-do lists are long and sometimes overwhelming. I want to make sure time is spent “being”, not just “doing”.

Weekend recap + good news Wednesday

No big adventures this weekend – just getting ready for Halloween and helping the nine year old with her Native American shelter project, watching Star Wars, and finishing season two of Ted Lasso. I really enjoy Ted Lasso, but so far each season has ended on kind of a mixed emotional note.

Saturday I also carved the second pumpkin. The four year old wanted it to look like our dog friend Max whom we were dog sitting that day.

I was up late finishing the baby’s Han Solo Costume. I had bought a white polo shirt and blue sweat pants. I added a red stripe to the sweatpants with red duct tape and then made a vest with lots of pockets out of an old t-shirt and boot covers out of black felt.

Halloween was on Sunday, and the kids went trick or treating for the first time in quite a while. In 2019 there was the threat of bad weather so they didn’t go, and last year there was no trick or treating because of COVID. I think this was the four year old’s first real experience of trick or treating. We went out with some friends because unfortunately our neighborhood is pretty quiet. The nine year old took off with her friends and I ended up with the four year old and the baby. Which was just as well because the baby was Han Solo, except the costume was a little obscure unless she was with the Millenium Falcon. And even then I’d say only four or five people knew who she was. She was quite a trooper and walked the whole hour we were out, only wanting to be carried for the last block. She was a little hesitant at first, but once she realized that there was candy involved, she was very much game to walk up to strangers.

Our friend’s neighborhood was a great place to go. Lots of houses were decorated and people sat out in front of their houses, so it was easy to tell who was giving out candy and which houses to skip. Most people also put the candy on a table, so you could go up and say hello, but still keep a distance. You could tell that the adults handing out the candy loved Halloween and seeing the different costumes. It was just a really nice atmosphere.

I was really happy with how the Millenium Falcon turned out and it got lots of attention. Several people said that it was the best costume of the night. That made me feel really happy. Also making me happy – the baby gets really excited about the Falcon and will point at it and say, “Bacca!” as in Chewbacca.

We trick or treated til about 6:45p – the weather stayed mild and the sky light for much longer than I thought it would. Afterwards, I sat and chatted with our friends for a little bit, while the kids ate candy then we went home to the Husband who stayed home on the off chance someone came by. No one did. The Husband was smart and didn’t open the candy, so I guess we can return it. Which is a little disappointing for me because he got this really cool mix with Reese Peanut Butter Cups, Twizzlers, Kit Kats and Sour Patch Kids. I love all those things and was really excited to see a mix that combined chocolate and candy.

We took the kids to two of our neighbor’s house because we had promised to . One of them are new to the neighborhood and I knew they would be disappointed to get no trick or treaters. It was nice to chat to and lament the lack of trick or treaters in our neighborhood. I think it’s just the nature of how our street is next to a really busy street, so not many people will cross the road to our house. Also there aren’t a lot of kids on our street. I hope that evolves and changes.

so sad no one came to see these jack o’lantern masterpieces.

Two things that made me teary with joy today:

Michelle Wu elected as Mayor of Boston. Growing up, I think I internalized the idea that Asians, particularly Asian women could do great things, but in roles of quiet support and service. I didn’t grow up seeing Asian women in leadership roles, particularly in one that might be considered politically radical. Representation matters. I don’t know if Michelle Wu will be a good mayor or not, but I do know that seeing her lead a major American city will help tear apart the model minority narrative and hopefully inspire other Asian girls to not just be support, but be leaders and the face of civic change. In many ways that big picture is just as important as the immediate one.

COVID vaccines approved for children 5-11 years old. I’ve been hunting for available appointments. The County released a bunch of appointments around 5:30pm, and they were already gone by 7pm. I know that all my kids will be vaccinated eventually, but I’m feeling somewhat compelled to sit at my computer trying to secure a vaccine appointments for the nine year old.