Weekend report

Brambly view of the Potomac

We didn’t have huge plans for the weekend, but it still felt pretty full. I did not order a new planner, but I did do pretty much everything else on my aspirations list.

Saturday morning I took the two girls to Drag Queen Story Hour at the local Botanical Gardens. The Drag Queen reading the books was D’Amanda Martini and she read a couple books about Fall and Thanksgiving and Holidays. At one point, one little girl said, “You don’t dress up for Thanksgiving – you dress up for Halloween!” and D’Amanda Martini says, “That’s very true. Although, I like to get dressed up all of the time!”

The past few times the Gardens hosted Drag Queen Story Hour, there were people protesting against Drag Queens and holding up signs that had all sorts of hateful, fear-mongering messages. This time there were just four or five people holding up banners and praying on one side of the parking lot. The people with the anti-LGBTQ signs were vastly outnumbered by the crowds of supporters with rainbow flags and umbrellas that lined the other side of the parking lot, cheering and offering people who chose to attend story time an escort to their car. I found the whole thing flabbergasting and kind of sad, to be honest. I think it’s wonderful to have the courage of one’s convictions, but at the same time I think there is something very very misinformed about the people who would give up their Saturday morning to protest a child friendly, inclusive event.

That afternoon, we went to a birthday party at a bowling alley for a child in the 5 year old’s class. I hadn’t been bowling in years, and this reminded me of how I always found bowling a fun social activity. Years ago, the best/cheapest place to go bowling was on a nearby military base. You had to show ID and they would inspect your car in order to get past the gate, but it was something like $3/ game and $3 for shoes. This weekend’s bowling party was at a super fancy bowling place with a bar (obviously not for the 6 year olds), and waiters and a roof top terrace. I commented to the Husband that I wouldn’t mind having a bowling party for my birthday this year. I hate celebrating my birthday, but I do love doing fun things with friends.

I stayed for half the bowling party, then the Husband came and relieved me at the birthday party, and I zipped down to work. I was a little stressed because I was running late to work; it probably would have been best if I had just had the Husband bring the five year old to the party from the start, but he had to bring the three year old, and I was a little unsure of the etiquette of showing up to a party with an additional sibling. Turns out it would have been fine, but I feel like I’m never quite sure how to navigate these things.

It was the last performance of our show – always a bittersweet day. Though in these COVID times, I feel like it’s just a relief to get through the run without any COVID cancellations. We were still testing twice a week and masking backstage, so caution abounds.

I also think it’s fun to track my movement for each show I do:
Length of show: 100 mins.
Number of steps taken on average for each show: 2083
Number of flights of stairs each night: 4
So not a super active show, but does involve a fair bit of stair climbing.

I also have a post show ritual where I write down all the things that I want to remember about a show. I find that the rehearsal and tech process are so mind consuming that I don’t always have time to enjoy what we are putting onstage. Usually by opening, things have fallen into a routine and I try to find those moments that will stay with me. I once asked an Assistant Director friend of mine if she ever got tired of watching the same show every night. She said that sometimes yes, but then she really forces herself to watch mindfully and intensely and learned to concentrate her attention on things that she might have missed before – like a certain musical passage or the way a singer might move while singing a certain line. So when I get to a point in a show when I don’t feel busy, I try to really watch and listen to what is happening onstage and savor that moment because either it will never happen again, or the singer will do it exactly the same way every single night – and I think both things – the once in a life time, and the consistently repetitive – are fascinating to me.

Sunday was a morning at home to tackle yardwork and house puttering. I did get a little run in. The Husband cleaned up the yard and I picked up around the house. We finally tackled a project that I had been putting off, but which I knew I had to do – the kids and I dismantled the 10 year olds’ iPod Halloween costume, and we also took apart our carboard UPS Truck. Two years ago we got a new stove and we asked the delivery people to leave us the box. The box eventually became, at the then three year old’s request, a UPS Truck. (I wrote a post about our cardboard creations here.)

Well, after two years and repeated patching, the UPS truck was on its last legs. The kids still loved sitting in it, and it is their favorite hideout, but some weeks, it seemed to mostly be used as a catchall for clutter in the living room. The sliding door no longer slid, the rear door had fallen off, as had the steering wheel. If you had told me in Fall of 2020 that this cardboard box would still be in our living room two years later, I would not have believed you. Indeed, the Husband, whenever I bring something large and disposable into the house always asks, “How long is that going to be in our lives?”

“Not too long,” I always say vaguely. I think to myself, “There’s no way that this huge chunk of cardboard is going to last.” And here we are two years later.

But Christmas is coming and we have to make room for the Christmas tree, so this past weekend, I faced the inevitable and agreed to dismantle the box and begin the process of sending it to recycling. The kids were a little sad to have their living room play space taken down, but then I gave them the screwdriver to take out all the Makedo cardboard screws and they eagerly jumped on that assignment. The ten year old needed a large piece of cardboard for a school project so her eyes lit up at the prospect of taking part of the UPS truck. I’m sad the UPS truck is gone … it certainly took me a while to get to a point where I felt okay letting go of it. Part of me feels silly to be so attached to something that I always knew would not be permanent. But there are a lot of memories wrapped up in the box, particularly from early in the pandemic – which was such an insular and resourceful time. I have to remember the legacy of the box is not the physical thing, but the memories we have of it and the knowledge that we could have great adventures with something that otherwise would be meant for the trash.

Dismantling memories

Throwback to the Glory Days of the UPS Truck…

The baby – what a little things she was! – trying to work the trunk of the UPS truck.

So after tackling those house projects, I insisted that we get some fresh air by going for a hike. I dragged the family on a one hour drive up county on a hunt for one of the Selfie Stands that the County Parks Department has set up. This Selfie Stand was a view overlooking the Potomac; this far upstream the Potomac is quiet and wide, very different from Great Falls. I will say, it wasn’t the most picturesque spot – this part of the county is perhaps a little neglected. Maybe it’s nicer in the summer? At any rate, I always do love seeing the Potomac, and we managed to find the selfie stand and snap a poorly lit family picture. Ultimately, though, it was very cold and we didn’t last long, maybe just thirty minutes. We took our selfie then tromped back to the parking lot and got back in the car.

All of us!

On the way home we stopped by a local brewery, one of those places on acres and acres of land with tents and string lights and tables made from old sewing machine legs and things like “Ricotta Toast” on the menu. Which was tasty, by the way. Craft breweries on farms seem to be a very popular thing in our County. If it hadn’t been so cold, it would have been a wonderful spacious place to hang out and have a beer with the kids. Not that the kids drink beer. The Husband drinks beer. The rest of us watch and eat foot and maybe drink a soda. We ordered burgers and sandwiches and shrimp and enjoyed the pink sky and golden light of sunset while plotting fun holiday aspirations and making our Christmas movie list (more on that later!). And then it was suddenly dark and we felt the need to go home, but of course it was only 5:30pm. Splendid, I thought! We can have half an hour of tidying the living room and then watch two episodes of Golden Girls.

Waiting for his food.
Evening sky.

Of course there was great reluctance to clean so it ended up being one hour of cleaning and one episode of Golden Girls, but that was still a fine way to cap off a Sunday night.

Weekend – Solo Saturday

Truck touch.

The Husband went out of town on Saturday for a friend’s birthday party, which I was so excited about because he never takes time for himself and he has been on solo parent duty for most of the past eight weeks. So I had an entire day with the kids to myself. The plan was to keep us out of the house as much as possible.

So on Saturday, we:
– Got bathing suits and kickboards. I’ve been trying to order bathing suits off Amazon for the ten year old, but none of them have fit and it’s been a frustrating, unending process. Then one day I noticed that there is a small swimwear store located near us so on Saturday, we popped in. She tried on a bunch of bathing suits and found two that fit. Hooray! I also bought kick boards (we called these flutter boards when I was growing up) for the two little kids. I’m so glad I found this store – every summer we try to buy goggles at the big chain sporting good store, but they are always out of the right size. Next summer I’m just going to come to our small local swim store.

– Then we went to a park and met up with some friends for food trucks, music, and beer. The kids played in the playground while I got to catch up with the grown ups.

three kids on a tire swing

– Then we hopped on the Metro and went to the Building Museum for The Big Build Day. Big Build day is kind of an open house where the Museum is free for the day and they have all sorts of building related activities for kids. The place was kind of a zoo and very crowded, but we got to do some fun things like sit in big trucks and use power tools.

– Then we Metroed back to our car, came home and had snack dinner while watching The Thundermans. Well, the kids watched The Thundermans while I read my book, which made for a very pleasant evening.

Then the kids went to bed and I stayed up late to clean while watching Miss Fisher’s Modern Murder Mysteries, which I’m finding fun, but not as good as the original series. I had thought to go to bed early to take advantage of the end of Daylight Savings, but … bedtime is still my nemesis and I stayed up several hours past midnight. I did set all the clocks back before I went to bed, so I would have the illusion of getting up earlier.

This morning started off with the baby crawling into bed to cuddle, then around 5am, she starts yelling at me, “Breakfast! Breakfast! Breakfast!!!!” She clearly did not understand the idea of falling back an hour. I turned over in bed and she eventually got out of bed and left the room. I’m not sure what happened next with the kids, but when I woke up two hours later, the kids were in the basement watching High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. As annoyed as I was that they were watching TV without permission, I guess I should be glad that they were quiet and occupied and didn’t burn the house down while I slept.

Anyhow I got up, we got on with our morning, and even managed an hour of cleaning the toy room before I had to go to work. Getting the toy room cleaned was a minor miracle. I had been starting to stress out about how messy the house was – hence the post midnight cleaning session last night. Previous attempts this weekend to get the kids to clean involved yelling, foot stomping and much exasperation in the face of their apathy towards the state of the house. Eventually I left it and this morning I decided to try again. After much infuriating resistance, I took a breath and asked the five year old why he didn’t like picking up and he says, “Because it is boring.”

Well he’s not wrong there. I always entice myself to clean by watching something while I did it; I only let myself watch Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries while cleaning. So I said to the kids, “What if I let you listen to some favorite music while you clean?” This was eagerly accepted. So I put on some Hamilton and then some Taylor Swift and we set the toy room in order. Music while cleaning is not a new or novel concept in our house, but I always forget that it’s a great inducement. Part of me thinks, “They should just pick up because I’m asking them!” That’s hardly fair to them, though. If I can’t expect myself to clean up without some music or tv show, I can hardly expect them to.

In the end, the kids did not all clean equally – the ten year old did more than her fair share, but everyone did something. It wasn’t painless, but it got done. I do feel as if we have too many toys and bits and bobs, but I don’t know where to even begin the process of weeding it all down. Part of the issue is, even if the oldest kid has outgrown something, I feel like I have to hold on to it for the sake of the little ones. I need to figure out how to cull the toy room before Christmas, though.

So we cleaned then the sitter came, I took the ten year old to swim clinic and went to work. After work, I did a grocery run for tomorrow’s camping trip then came home and the Husband had returned from his trip to New York, bearing the fattest, doughiest, bagels I had ever seen. And the Giant was out of Philadelphia cream cheese, which is a minor annoyance, but seemed large in the moment. So we had an evening as a family – one of those noisy evenings where we are all exhausted, but the kids chatter endlessly and jump all over us, but being inert on the couch is a perfectly fine response. I still haven’t made campsite reservations or pulled out the camping gear, but I think it will be fine. I looked at the website and there are still lots of camp sites open. I’ll push publish then go finish packing before I turn in for the night. It feels like a lot of work for one night of camping, but this might be the last warm spell for a while and there is still a bit of fall colour to enjoy, so while I waffled on whether or not to go camping, I think we will have a good time.

So all in all a good weekend – twenty four hours solo with the kids. The house was kind of a sty, but we managed to ameliorate that somewhat. I have decided that these one off days when I’m solo parenting, the goals are: sleep, food, family harmony, and fun. Cleaning the house is clearly not a priority.

Child-free weekend – what makes good “me” time?

View of Great Falls on our Fall Hike

The Husband and the kids left on Friday and came back Monday night. Since I was working Monday night, that meant four whole days child free for me. Wow. I don’t think I’ve had that much child-free time since the days when I used to travel for work. Anyhow, it was a really relaxing and quiet four days. I slept late, had breakfast out on the back patio, wore my pajamas all day practically, spent too much time scrolling idly… I did work all day Friday, had Saturday off, then worked Sunday evening and Monday afternoon and evening/night. And in between – I think I did pretty well on my aspirations:

Wash my bras. Done! and they fit much better now. But I still do need new bras… I should look into if the company that makes these favorite nursing bras also make a non-nursing option.
Pick up the house. Done! Mostly. and, it was infinitely less stressful for me to do it by myself than to monitor while my kids did it. I just put on a podcast or streamed some This is Us and tidied. It almost felt like enjoyable puttering rather than manic cleaning because it felt so relaxed.
a yoga or a gentle strength workout video. Yes. Thank you Fitness Blender!
– ten year old’s Halloween costume. Perpetual October task. Still not done. This need serious attention. Halloween is in less than a week!!!!
put oil in my car. Done! This took all of five minutes, but I hate doing it while the car is still warm from driving, and I never remember to do it until I’m actually driving my car. One of those super simple things that needs to be put on a to do list in order to get done.
-sleepover with my friend. Yes! Such a wonderful cozy time. more on that below.
-Hike and picnic with sleepover friend. Yes!
Work Sunday Night. Yes! Couldn’t very well not show up for that one. Our first rehearsal onstage with orchestra… Man oh man, this current show is LOUD. It’s German so lots of loud brassy music and loud consonant filled singing. But the sheer wall of sound is amazing. Sometimes I love my job. Getting blasted by an orchestra of sound is one of those times.
random internet chores – bills, activity sign ups, still on the quest for black shoes ish. Activity sign up. Still no shoes. Need to remember to pay the bills this week. Apparently I forgot to pay the gas bill last month. Ugh.

Breakfast on the patio.

My friend from college came over Saturday night and we went to see the movie Tar. (There’s an accent in there somewhere, but I haven’t figured out how to do that…). It’s about a conductor (Female. Interesting that I feel the need to mention that, but it is kind of an important take) whose career starts to unravel because of hubris and allegations of sexual harassment (those things are definitely related). The trailer is seriously misleading and makes the movie seem like some kind of horror/thriller movie. As we sat down, my friend, who is a huge classical music nerd, said to me, “I hope this movie isn’t like the trailer.” It wasn’t. The film was more of a provocative character study about the idea of power dynamics and the person we present to the world. It’s a little grim and dark, but there were funny moments and definitely a lot of juicy classical music world details

And I had popcorn and a Cherry Coke. I fully recognize that concessions at the movies are over-priced, but for me popcorn and soda is just part of the experience, so I will usually indulge.

There is one moment early on when Blanchett’s character talks about how a conductor is someone who controls time – they start the music, they stop the music, then they re-start it. It’s a powerful thought. But then a voice inside me said, “Yes, but even the conductor music acquiesce to the stage manager when time runs out and the rehearsal is over…” So there’s that.

Anyhow – a good film. Dark in places. Darkly funny in others. Great performances. And how awesome to see the backstage of the classical music world.

The next day my friend and I went hiking at Great Falls, on a trail that is called Billy Goat Trail. Specifically it’s Billy Goat Trail A. There is also B and C, and A is the most challenging. I had contemplated bringing the kids on this trail, but I had heard that it wasn’t recommended for really little kids, so I wanted to check it out myself. It was indeed a little difficult in places – the terrain is really rocky and follows along the Potomac river, and while I have no doubt the kids could handle it, some of the rocky terrain was really close the the edge of a drop off down to the River and I would be afraid of someone falling. I’m thinking I might wait until next spring to tackle it with the kids.

It was a gorgeous hike, and there was lots of fall colour to be seen:

see the rock climbers on the opposite side of the river!

We packed lunches which we ate perched high above the Potomac River. There’s something so nice about eating outside. I brought soy eggs (boiled eggs marinated in soy sauce and tea), hummus, guacamole, veggies, apple slices, and string cheese:

This was the toughest part of the climb – a fairly vertical stretch of cliff wall:

This is why it’s called the Billy Goat Trail.

Also loved seeing this heart in nature:

heart rock.

The hike took about two hours, though we went slow and stopped frequently to savor the views and have a snack. It also isn’t a very shady hike, so I think it’s best suited for fall or spring. I’m glad I went – it’s probably the area’s most famous hike, and I had never been. I feel so lucky that this National Park is less than thirty minutes away from me!

More beautiful fall nature pictures of the views along the way:

And my friend took this picture of me along one of the cliff edges. I often shy away from having pictures taken of myself, but I think it’s nice to have pictures once in a while to acknowledge where I’ve been and my very existence.

So a good combination of fun/personal/life admin tasks – which I think is important for me to feel like I’m using my “me” time well. If I had done all fun things, I would have felt the household tasks looming and then felt guilty and anxious for not getting it done. (I do feel a little anxious about the Hallowe’en costume, but I know it will get done.) And conversely, if I had only done the house tasks, I would have felt like I didn’t get to fill up my personal soul bucket. Also – getting to sleep in without anyone crawling into bed with me and demanding “Milk!!!!!” was glorious. I don’t love being in the house by myself, but I do resent when kids are constantly in my space. It’s a fine line.

Weekend: Being Boring

Tromp through the woods.

The kids’ Saturday activities are wrapping up; the four year old had his last soccer session and the nine year old has one more session of dance next week. There is still Mandarin Class for the four year old and swim clinic for the nine year old on Sunday, but we’re keeping Saturday pretty open for December so that we feel like we will have the capacity to partake in some holiday festivities as they come up. The Botanical Garden’s annual holiday train is outside this year, and I’m looking forward to a trip down to the Mall to see that. And I definitely want to take in one of the light displays in the area. And there is a Christmas Tree, and putting up the Christmas lights….

I’m not sure what possessed us, but on Saturday, we decided to take a trip to the Pringel Family Creamery, about an hour away. It seemed like a reasonable Saturday afternoon family adventure. We had gone there on the ice cream tour last summer and really liked the pimento cheese. They also have an Everything Bagel Cheese spread that is really good too. In the summer, there were lots of cows out and you could sit outside, eating your ice cream while watching the cows waddle through the pasture. It being November, there were only a few cows and it was too cold to eat ice cream outside. But I did enjoy my cherry chocolate chunk ice cream inside and that was nice.

Afterwards we found a little trail and went on, what I called a “tromp through the woods.” As it was already getting dark – the sun is setting by 5pm these days – we only went for about half an hour, but it was a nice little path and it was nice to stretch our legs among trees and streams and logs.

Sunday, I took the four year old to Mandarin class. I had to bring the baby with me, so I didn’t get my run in, but I did take the baby on a walk and we saw a family of deer. That was pretty cool. I know deer are kind of regarded as a nuisance around here, but it still makes me breathless to see one.

One of the websites in my Feedly is A Poem A Day, and the other day, Wendy Cope’s poem Being Boring dropped into my feed. The last lines of the poem are:

Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.

I was thinking of this poem the other day, when my self-employed friend who is trying to navigate the world of online dating asked me, “What is it like to have a both a job and a life partner that you like? It’s like you have it all.”

Well, first of all, I only have a job that I really like off and on, which I think helps me feel really appreciate it. And I have a great husband, but we still squabble over socks (mine) left on the floor. And then I thought… I never really think that I “have it all”. Or if I do really have it all, this isn’t what I thought it would be like. All this mundane day to day. The diapers and bills and constant cleaning and tears and bedtimes and carpool and evenings exhausted zoned out in front of the tv. It is certainly a lucky and privileged kind of mundane life, but it is definitely not exciting. There are no European vacations (even pre-COVID) or fancy cars and I wear ratty sweatpants more than I care to admit. (Actually, not really. I am happy to admit that I live in sweatpants and leggings these days).

I mean a trip for Pimento cheese and cherry chocolate ice cream… that sounds like enough of an adventure for me some days.

Maybe the answer to my friend’s question is that having it all is actually pretty boring. And that’s a good thing. It’s that “Safe mooring” that Cope writes about.