This started out as my regular weekly post, then a biweekly post. And now September is almost gone. So here is where we are so far this month….
Life’s been kind of super “meh” lately. And I don’t even know why I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed, or petulant about adulting – I haven’t been working full time so I have time, everyone is healthy (even with the Husband having knee surgery), our bills are being paid… It’s the adulting that is getting to me. Or maybe it is the not working full time that makes the adulting hard. Life seems more manageable when I have the anchor of work limiting my choices – or maybe I can focus my energy better when I’m working? I start back at work full time this week, so we’ll see.
But, if I can indulge – here’s a partial list of life stressors lately –
-The kids had dentist appointments and there were cavities. Like more than a few. Including a couple that had been detected at the last visit but I just never got around to setting up follow-up appointments to get them filled. And now I need to take the two younger kids to a pediatric dentist because it’s gotten so bad our family dentist thinks they need the pediatric specialist and possibly crowns for one kid. I think they might have genetically bad teeth because we are pretty good at brushing- not “three times a day every day” good, but at least “every night for two minutes and then mom does a pass and then twice a day most days”. And the three year old even flosses a couple times a week! They do eat candy, but not an unreasonable amount, and I always make sure to do extra brushing if we’ve had a particularly sugary day. Gah! It’s so upsetting.
-I went to get passport photos taken at CVS, finally getting on that passport renewal that’s been on my to do list. (My passport has been expired since mid September; I hope there are no international emergencies for the next 6-8 weeks.). Granted, I don’t think the lighting at this CVS was very good, and granted it’s been ten years since my last passport photo, but I was not prepared for how much older I look now than in my last photo. It’s fine. I considered having another picture taken, somewhere with better lighting, but it’s truly not worth it; I will maybe look at the picture once every few years. I feel petty for finding this so irksome.
-Then there is the three year old’s birthday party, which I didn’t plan until the last minute and now only a handful of kids from her class is coming, and not the kid that she talks about all the time. Two of my kids have birthdays right after really busy times of the year – the four year old after the start of school, and the 11 year old just after Christmas/New Year – so I’m learning that I need to plan/prep birthday parties before the busy part of the year hits. Or maybe not learning since I fall into this trap every. single. year. and have to scramble to throw a party together. I also find the September birthday a bit of a conundrum – first of all, statistically September has a lot of birthdays so there is a lot of competition for birthday guests and venues. But then also, September is the new school year, so people tend to invite the whole class to parties. It seems like birthday invites peter out as the year goes along because kids solidify their friend groups so that they don’t necessarily want all the kids at their party. Which is all to say, a September party – well pluses are we can have an inexpensive park party outside, but minuses are tracking down contact info for all the kids in her class, which means I can’t send out invites until after school starts, or, in the case of the 4 year old, after the kids all moved to their new classrooms. (note – the party happened – everyone had a good time, I think. more on that in a later post.)
-I feel bad that I’ve been messing up the 11 year old’s activities. One day I sent the Husband and the 11 year old (with the six year old in tow) to the first day of swim clinic while I went to a music festival with my friend and the 3 year old. EXCEPT… swim clinic doesn’t start for another three weeks. They arrived at the pool and everything was closed up. face palm. Then three days later, I totally messed up the time for her basketball workout – I thought it was at 8pm, but it was actually at 6pm and she ended up missing that. Ugh again. I’ve written both swim and basketball times now on the wall calendar.
-I’m feeling a little stymied by the decisions in life – two mainly: Window treatments in the living room and a new car. It just seems so overwhelming. I know we need window treatments – the sheers and too short curtains from another room have been up for over a year and I think the improvised nature of it all is just making our living space seem unfinished. To be fair, I care less than the Husband, but he cares very much indeed. I completely understand why people come to hire interior designers. It’s not that they want to spend money making their living space look a certain way – it’s that’s they don’t want to spend mental energy on it. In my twenties, I spent a lot of my time living in furnished rentals for various opera jobs. I learned that I really don’t care what a space looks like as long as it is functional and the bed is comfortable. This is what I care about the window treatments in our living room: cordless, top down/bottom up function so I can let in the sunlight without having the whole world look into our living room, light filtering. But there are so many other features – inside mount or outside mount? do we add drapes as well? how high would we hang them? does it complement the wood paneling of the foyer? too much! And it’s not like paint where we can just repaint if it isn’t great. Window treatments are expensive. And permanent. Decision paralysis.
-Also the car. The car. It’s 20 years old with 180, 000 miles on it. And last week I took it in for an oil change and some other random things. It squeaks. Random lights keep coming on. It leaks oil. It’s probably terrible for the environment. So… I know we need a new car. The Husband wants a mini van. I would rather not. But I also don’t really want to have to go car shopping. The beauty of my current car (2003 Subaru Legacy Wagon) is that someone very special to me sold it to us for a good deal. It is not the car I ever imagined I would drive, but it was a car that came to us at the right time. I did not have to go car shopping and test drive and compare and haggle and finance – I just had to decide whether or not to take this one car. It was an amazingly lucky situation.
-I feel like I’m still trying to find the morning routine. It feels like the bare minimum right now- the kids wake up, get breakfast, get dressed, I make lunches…. with a lot of free play sprinkled in there. But our mornings are really long – we don’t leave for the school bus until 9:50am – so I think the mornings can be more restorative for me than they currently are.
Things I want to add to my morning:
– 10 minutes (at least) of yoga.
– piano practicing with the six year old
– breakfast that isn’t finishing off someone’s uneaten yogurt
– teeth brushing for the kids, every day.
– a minute to think through my day.
-reading and journaling. (Though I’m trying to move journaling to the evening routine, but this past week, I’ve had supertitle work in the evening. And I’ve been really tired. I don’t know why, but this past year I’ve noticed that I get SUPER tired the week before my period – like asleep by 9:30pm tired, which is really early for me.)
-better clean up efforts for the breakfast dishes.
If I get up early enough- like before 6:15am, I can get reading or journaling or yoga in as well before the Husband leaves for work at 6:45/7:00a. But the 3 year old is also an early riser and is always interested in hanging out too, and time with her is also feels precious, especially as I start working more evenings and weekends. But time for me is precious too. So … maybe I should wake earlier even? I’ve been setting my alarm for 6:15p lately. Going to bed before midnight is also an important part of this equation.
All things things are fixable, of course. I sometimes feel like the things that I can do something about are more stressful than the things I can’t do anything about.
Okay – to balance that griping, it wasn’t all terrible:
-The 11 year old got a part in the school play!!!! I guess sixth graders don’t always get parts, so this is really special. She is playing “the smart girl”.
-The 3 year old is not allergic to yellow jackets. She got stung in the face at a birthday party one weekend. Her face swelled up something fierce and I was very concerned. The pediatrician was not concerned. It was definitely a “Looks much worse than it is” type deal.
-I started a new position at work. I still stage manage, but I have some added responsibilities with overseeing the department. I have some mixed feelings about this. Excited for the possibilities, but also nervous for the added responsibilities and balancing everything. One of the lovely things, though, is that a lot of people have been congratulating me on my new position, and when I walked into the chorus music rehearsal last week, everyone clapped and cheered. The good will and support I feel just beaming from people is both daunting and comforting.
-The Husband and I had an afternoon date. He was still recovering from his knee surgery, so we didn’t do anything too strenuous – we went and got fancy bagel sandwiches, then got coffee, and then went to a local garden and sat on a park bench and read. The weather had cooled down but it was still sunny, which made for a lovely time to sit outside and read. Then afterwards we went to run errands – we went to the library and stopped by the local deli, where the owner talked our ear off and told us how good parents we were because every time we came in with our kids they looked really happy and didn’t run around touching things they weren’t supposed to. Then the Husband says, “Well the youngest one is always very interested in the cookies.” And the owner says, “Here, I’ll give you a bag!” and he gave us a bag of almond cookies to take home. It was such an unexpected small town moment in our suburban lives.
Grateful for – the weather has cooled off here, but the beginning of September was verrrry hot, so here are my hot hot September gratitudes: :
– shady trails – I’ve mentioned this before but I feel so lucky to live near a shady trail. With the kids back in school, I have time to run in the mornings now, so the shade made the 90 degree weather bearable.
– sun shade in car – I have one of those fold up shades which you put on your windshield so your car doesn’t get as hot when it is parked in the sun. One of my least favorite parts of hot hot summer is a hot hot car. The car sun shade is definitely on my top ten summer must haves for helping to keep the car from getting as hot as it could.
– Basil from the Husband’s garden for basil lemonade. I think I’ve also mentioned this before – I’ve been making basil simple syrup and lemonade base to mix with fizzy water for a cold drink and it’s been lovely. The basil syrup gives a nice herby twist and cuts the sweetness of the lemonade.
-and now I am grateful for the cooler weather, even if it did rain all weekend. The trips of some trees have started to turn red and gold and . We are, after all, officially into Autumn.
Looking forward to:
– going back to work. I start prep for my Fall show this week. I think the show will be challenging and it’s bigger in many ways than anything I’ve done before, but I’m feeling well supported, so I am looking forward to it.
– apples. It’s apple season. My favorite farm stand is starting to explode with a variety of apples. I like to try all the variety, but I always forget which apple is which. I need to do a better job of labeling the apples that I buy. I tried taking pictures as I buy them, but when I get home, they all kind of look the same.
– wearing new to me running clothes. I have been running in nursing tanks and decided that I should get better options. I was going to order some new running tops and sports bras from online, but one day, I thought I’d swing by the thrift store to see if I could find anything there before I bought new. The thrift stores near me are very large so it always feel daunting to go – there are some good things to be found, but also there are a lot of things that are not of great quality, so it takes a lot of sifting to find things I want. But I ended up finding two Athleta bras and a couple Athleta tank tops. Of course the weather has cooled a little bit now, so I can run in t-shirts rather than tank tops, but getting new to me running clothes and not having to run in old nursing bras helps me look forward to my morning run.
– season 3 of Starstruck. This charming and hilarious 2021 series on Max is about Jessie who hooks up with Tom, whom she later finds out is a famous movie star. Jessie’s life is a mess, and watching her fumble though life and inadvertently get involved with a very famous person hit all the right notes for me. I’m really excited to see more of Jessie and Tom.
What We Ate: (So far in September – we haven’t been great about doing an organized meal planning and grocery trip; some nights I’ve had to open the pantry and freezer and be creative. Luckily, we keep a well stocked pantry and I prioritize buying vegetables)
Tuesday: Pasta with broiled tomatoes (using up some of the last of the summer tomatoes from the Garden) from Dinner Illustratedd.
Wednesday: Smoked Salmon snack dinner – crackers, spreads, fruit, cut up crudite.
Thursday: Taco Salad. Improvised by throwing together lettuce, black beans, cut up tomatoes, a chipotle dressing, avocado and tortilla chips. This was one of those pantry meals that tasted better than it had any business tasting for the degree to which it was thrown together from whatever was in the house.
Friday: Pizza and Billy Elliott. This movie, about an 11 year old boy who wants to be a ballet dancer, set against the backdrop of the 1984 coal mine strike in Northern England came out in 200o. I remember it being hugely praised, but I had never seen it before, so I borrowed it from the library when it was my turn to pick the family movie night movie. What a lovely movie! It was a lot sadder than I expected, but the characters, especially the father really stayed with me. There might have been some tears along the way. It’s so funny how one watches movies differently as one gets older – I think if I had seen it in 2000, I would have been really focused on Billy’s journey, but 45 year old me really saw this as a movie about a father wanting the best for his kid.
Saturday: Salmon, roasted with potatoes and zucchini. Another dinner pulled off without forethought. One of the things I love salmon is that you can roast it from frozen – I can pull it out of the freezer and have a fancy-ish feeling dinner in 30 minutes. This meal was also a minor triumph because those potatoes had been sitting in the fridge for who knows how long and I’m so excited that I finally used them up.
Sunday: Meatballs and pasta. The Husband made dinner as I had gone to a music festival with a friend. I had food truck Vietnamese which was very tasty. I guess the owners fof the food truck are opening a restaurant three blocks from my work and I am veeeerrrry excited.
Monday: Eggplant noodle salad from the Greens Cookbook. I love this salad – roasted eggplant and blanched broccoli marinated in soy sauce, garlic, sesame oil and vinegar, eaten with noodles. (the original recipe calls for snow peas and bean sprouts, but I had broccoli and I don’t buy bean sprouts because they always go slimy before I can use them up.) This recipe is the reason that I keep the Greens Cookbook on the shelf. Vegan. Oh wait – I used honey instead of sugarin the recipe. So not vegan, but could be.
Tuesday: Corn and egg drop soup from Vegetarian Chinese Soul Food. This is a big hit with the family. I made a broth from ginger, celery, and jujube and it really gave it a special “my Mom’s kitchen” flavour.
Wednesday: Sheet pan gnocchi – one of my favorite quick pantry meals. This recipe was great for using up the last of the tomatoes from the Husband’s garden. Vegan.
Thursday: Chicken taco wraps. I had to work, so the Husband cooked.
Friday: Pizza and movie night. Dungeons and Dragons. Very entertaining movie, though completely formulaic movie based on the role playing game – I could see each act/beat play out predictably. But still, it was a good time. The 11 year old made a comment that she was really excited to see so many strong female characters. On the pizza front – the Husband made a Mexican inspired pizza by putting the chicken and pickled onions from the night before along with some corn and cheddar cheese on a pizza and it was amazing.
Saturday: We went out to eat at the local Japanese Hibachi and Buffet. We had promised the 11 year old that we would take her in 2019 and then there was a pandemic. So we are finally honoring the promise. So. Much. Food.
Sunday: leftovers/ fend for yourself.
Monday: The Husband made dumplings and green beans. I was working that evening. I think I ate leftover salmon on salad greens topped with kimchi.
Tuesday: The Husband took the kids out to dinner with a friend. I had leftover salmon on greens with kimchi again. I swear – kimchi is my “any meal” food.
Wednesday: Pad Thai Cabbage Salad from Hetty McKinnon’s To Asia with Love cook book and salt and pepper tofu. A pad thai dressing over rice noodles, shredded cabbage and kale topped with peanuts. The tofu is just pan fried and sprinkled with white pepper and salt. Vegan.
Thursday: Chicken rice soup in the Instant pot . I had meant to make spaghetti and meatballs in the IP since I wasn’t going to be home that evening, but I couldn’t find the meatballs. So I improvised – frozen chicken breast, carrots, celery, onions, a can of diced tomatoes, chicken broth and some frozen leftover rice throw it all in the Instant Pot with some salt, pepper, rosemary, and thyme. It turned out really well. Also I got to use up the celery languishing in the fridge. yay.
I am on the other side of the birthday party conundrum with an end of August situation… my girl always wants to invite a lot of random camp connections, kids from her class the PRIOR year who we haven’t talked to in a couple of months, and then her close friends (and then, like the hostess she is, stresses about how not everyone knows each other)… I truly believe the try is what counts on these and our kids have fun 95% of the time because it’s a big playdate with cake? Sending you all the good teeth vibes (oof, I hate teeth – I am not the teeth parent). A couple of years ago we discovered that our girl was just letting the electric toothbrush run for 2 minutes in the morning vs. brushing her teeth and I felt so judged at our next dentist appointment – but her teeth are ok and kids are going to kid and so much of that is genetics! Best of luck on the new role and morning routine add-ons!
Maybe there is no good time to have a birthday party? I like Nicole’s point below that it gets easier as the kids get older and solidify their friend group.
I am definitely better the busier I am. Today, for instance, I have to send three emails and put away the laundry. I am shocked at how long I am procrastinating on these things. If I had someplace to be or something to do, I would knock those things out in about ten minutes, but I’m so upset and stressed out about having to do them that they’re dominating my day. I’d much rather fit in the adulting around work than sort of be at loose ends with no structure. So, yeah. I get you on that.
We have a old car with 245,000 miles on it. We mostly use it for around town and it works great for that, but I do worry about what happens if I take it in for an oil change and they tell me major work needs to be done with it. Even if it’s something like brakes. Do we fix those? Do we get new tires? Argh. Why are car decisions so hard? Especially since used cars don’t seem to exist anymore and new cars are few and far between!
Oh man – you are certainly getting your good out of that car! Last time I took my car in for an oil change our mechanic found a leak in a tire, which her fixed for about $30, but I also dread the day when he will find something even more expensive!
I have a child born in September as well and I found it so much easier as he got older and had a regular set of friends. On the plus side, the three year old will never remember the party!
I do think people are either prone to cavities or they aren’t, for the most part. Some kids seem to get them no matter what.
I just got my new driver’s license and whoa, that photo. I mean, no one looks good in their photos? But also, WHOA.
My boys birthdays are March and December, so it is not nice outside at those times/outdoor birthday parties aren’t possible. I’ve debated doing half bday celebrations for them instead. Our rule is no kid parties until you turn 5. When the 5yo turned 5 in March, we waited and had his party in May when we could have it at a park. I don’t really want a bunch of kids in my house and our house is not very big/great for hosting a large group/lots of kids so I want to lean on lowkey outdoor options. But December is too much of a wildcard to have like a sledding party. It could be 20F (fine for sledding) or -10F (not fine for sledding).
I hope my kids do not have my dental genes. I have had so many cavities, especially as a child. I found out I had a cavity at my dentist appt this summer so got that drilled/filled this month. My husband has ZERO cavities. He is a very thorough tooth brusher but he only flosses occasionally and yet he has pristine teeth.
I hope you find your groove soon. I can see how being off work is challenging. Gretchen Ruben has a saying that “something that can be done at any time gets often gets done at no time” or something to that effect. But basically if you don’t have confines on your time, you can be a little bit willy nilly and think “I’ll do that later” but when you are working around a work schedule or something like that, you know you need to get things done between X hours. So you don’t feel as aimless and kind of off kilter if that makes sense? At least that is how I would feel!
my two older kids have January birthdays and I have always felt jealous of people who were able to have outdoor birthday parties – seems so much easier! I love that idea of waiting and delaying the party until May. I’m sure the kids don’t care – they just want to play with friend and eat cake!
We have cold-season birthdays here too! The kids who get to have the pool parties in the summer have it so easy 🙂 Adulting is hard and parenting is hard. It never seems to end, and you hardly ever get a break. It’s just constant chores and decision-making – I don’t really have any advice for you other than you’re not alone!
thanks for the commiseration! I agree – the summer pool party seems like such a no-brainer!
I really do think having cavities comes down to genetics most of the time. I NEVER got them when I was a kid, even though I don’t think my dental hygiene was all that much better than kids who did get them. And we ate a lot of candy/sugary drinks! (It was the 90s, you know?!) So I think you’re doing great and they just might be prone to cavities. No fun, I know.
Ugh, my latest passport photo was AWFUL. And you can’t smile for them so they just look even more terrible because you’re just, like, glaring at the camera with awful lighting.
yeah, the “no smiling” thing just seems so… unfortunate! Why not just let me smile?!?!?!?
Hi Diane! I can relate to so many things in your post so I’ll just rattle on.
1. Kid birthdays. Late November and mid January. We usually have it at the house since NJ can be cold/drizzly during these times. L wants a “frozen” birthday so I will slap something together, it’s not hard to fill the cart with snowflakes and frozen paper cups and plates. Cake? Probably from stop and shop. Blue candles. Guests? She has 17(!) kids in her kindergarten class so I will send in generic invites on paper with my number to rsvp and we will see who shows up. One thing in know for sure- I will not stress over this. Also, L has a few friends that she used to play with when she was younger so she kind of remembers them, but I told her, it has to be a friend that is in your life right now. Not someone who you played with two years ago and haven’t seen since then.
2. Car. I had a Yaris and I loved it but L was just born, and it started to be unreliable. First we decided on the maker- Subaru. Then we went to the nearest dealership, and got the smallest model they had (I don’t do well with big vehicles, hence the reason I had a Yaris). Ended up buying an Impreza and it’s been my lovely car since. Color? Grey, and they were all shades of grey lol. Paid off in three years, so nothing major.
3. Having the “container” of work. Omg, same for me, on days that school is closed I noticed I do not have such clarity about my days as when I have to go to work. And summers, foggetaboudit. That’s why I like to take long trips in the summer .
Just want to thank you for writing so reflectively and honestly about some every day struggles.
My Husband drives an Impreza – it’s a great car.
I like how decisive you are with your decisions. I think a lot of my difficulty is that being decisive is hard for me.
Ah, I can relate. When you were listing your stressors I kept thinking “yes, that’s stressful!” I’m late in commenting, so hopefully by now you’ll have started your fall show, and things feel more settled. A couple things- can your husband just pick out a window treatment for the living room, since the current situation seems to bother him most? Or does he not want to do it either? I HATE making decisions like that!
Ugh, the dentist. When my daughter was little she had a couple cavities that were so bad in her baby teeth, they just pulled the teeth. Otherwise a root canal and crown in a baby tooth would have been way expensive. But! She doesn’t get cavities anymore- don’t ask me why. So there’s hope.
Enjoy your lovely weather! I hope we get an update on these issues soon.
My Husband has ordered some shade samples, but I haven’t cared for any of the ones he picked. I guess I can’t have it both ways, right? I don’t get to not want to choose yet at the same time not like any of his choices? I also wonder if this is the think of thing where it’s going to look so much better once it’s done that it doesn’t really matter what we pick? I don’t know… I just don’t want to hate it in the end.