Tag: audiobooks

Books Read – July 2023

Already September and just now getting around to the July books. I thought about doing August and July books together, but this post was already half written, so here you are…

Ballad of Love and Glory by Reyna Grande: This novel was set during the Mexican-American War, a historical event which I didn’t know anything about. It is based on the true story of Irish immigrants who join the American army then defect to the Mexican side and were given their own artillery unit. I really loved the historical aspect of this book and learning about a new slice of history. The writing is so descriptive and vivid. At the same time, I thought the narrative arc lacked momentum. And maybe that’s just the nature of war – people die, things just plod on and on. I felt invested in the story, though, because I really liked the two main characters – John Riley who lead the artillery unit and Ximena Solome a Mexican army nurse – and I was really rooting for their relationship.

The Year of Miracles by Ella Risbridger – I don’t usually put cookbooks in my “Books Read” list, but this one was so beautifully written – part memoir, part cookbook. I had read her first book Midnight Chicken and felt similarly entranced by it. A Year of Miracles takes place during the pandemic as Risbridger is mourning the death of her long time partner. It is an account of finding joy in the simplest of things but also for allowing yourself to grieve and to feel. It’s a testament to good friends and simple food. I love this book so much because she writes things like:
I’ve been grieving now for years, and grief sets “missing” as your default state. I’m always missing someone; and I’ve learned to live along the line of something being lost. I’ve learned to cultivate happiness in absence, and to love an empty space where something used to be in the quiet hope that it won’t be wasted: something always turns up to be loved, a fox, a star, a courgette. At cat. A home. A person.

And then she writes recipe instructions like:
Stir to coat everything in the lovely scented oil. You might have to turn the heat up here, but not too high. A medium flame, let’s say, at most. I trust you. If it seems like anything is catching, turn it down. Just watch it, and it will be ok.

Her writing and her recipes are like a warm, soothing hug from a good friend.

Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Raybourn – This novel is about the escapades of a group of female assassins, which immediately piqued my interest. They have been in the assassin business for a 30+ years, but somebody is suddenly out to extinguish them and they have to go rogue to figure out who that is. I thought this novel was a lot of fun. 60-something year old female assassins who are smart, cunning, witty and can kick ass — well that’s definitely refreshing to read about. And their friendships – I like reading about female friendships and these ones are certainly complicated yet comforting. I’ve read Raybourn’s historical mysteries, but this has a certain fresh humour about it that is different. I wonder if she will write more?

After Dark with the Duke by Julie Anne Long – The next novel in the Palace of Rogue series. I really loved this novel – the heroine is an opera singer, so automatically that piques my interest. She is fleeing from scandal, having been the impetus for a duel, and comes to the Grand Palace on the Thames to escape and figure out what to do next. Having no money she agrees to put on a concert to raise funds for the boarding house. The hero is a celebrated war hero who has taken rooms in the Grand Palace on the Thames to write his memoirs but he’s a little stuck. He insults her (a little bit on purpose) and to make up for it he teaches her how to speak Italian and over the course of their Italian lessons they learn about each other and fall in love. But of course she’s an opera singer and he’s a noble lord. This is just a very nice romance novel about two very mature people trying to do the right thing, when the right thing they want to do is not necessarily the right thing society would have them do. There is a bit of an age difference between the two of them (20 years) that I found not really warranted, but that’s a minor quibble.

A Heart that Works by Rob Delany – A sad, wistful, and angry book about Delany’s two year old son’s battle with brain cancer. Losing a child just seems like such a horrific and heart-wrenching experience. I think it must be one of the worst things that a person can face. Delaney writes with such honesty and with surprising humour about what he and his family went through. It’s a book that made me want to hug my children closer

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Anne Schaffer and Annie Barrows, narrated by Paul Boehmer, Susan Duerden, Rosalyn Landor, John Lee, Juliet Mills – I feel like I’m the last person to read this novel, set in 1946 about a writer who strikes up a correspondence with a man on the Island of Guernsey. Epistolatory novels are my cat nip and I heard that this one was charming on audio, and indeed it was. Some of the plotting was a little awkward and unsubtle – there are limits to the epistolatory novel, of course, but over all this novel was perfect for my long commute home – sweet and undemanding and full of fun characters.

The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler – Feiler is a New York Times journalist who in the book explores frameworks for creating a thriving family life. He does talk to scientists and researchers, but also talks to business experts, coaches, and military professionals to figure out what makes families stronger. It’s kind of family through a team building lens. Each chapter tackles a different subject – things like allowance, activities, travel, making decisions, discipline, having a family mission statement, how to talk about sexuality, etc. A lot of it is common sense and just good reminders of how we need to invest time in our families for them to thrive. Like any parenting book, I think one can take what is useful and leave the rest- “Good for you, not for me.” Some of his strategies to build relationship through createing competition between his kids rubbed me the wrong way – it is very counter what “Siblings without Rivalry” advocates. But that’s just another example about how there is no one parenting style that will work for all the variations of parents and children in the world. I did make a lot of highlights in this book, though. I think the parts that really resonated with me are the chapters about how to create stronger bonds in your family through shared experiences, rituals, histories, and values. Some of my highlights:
“… The more kids remember about their own families, the more self-esteem and confidence they exhibit. With the at in mind, devote a night to having kids tell stories from their own past… the day they scored two goals at soccer, the night their mother made those awesome chocolate chip cookies. This game would work particularly well the night before a big test or game, as scientist have found recalling high points form their own lives boosts children’s self confidence.”
The book talks a lot about how important it is for kids to feel like they have a family history – how knowing where they come from gives them confidence and roots for becoming adults.

“A key gift of the family meeting was to give us a designate space each week to overcome … differences. It was a safe zone where everybody was on equal footing, and no one could leave until a resolution was forged.”
I like the idea of regular family meetings and a family mission statement – this idea that a family was a unit lead by the parents, but not dictated by the parents. This is very different from how I grew up and I chafed at that.

“I told my dad, ‘I promise not to do anything big and stupid sexually if you promise not to yell at me for doing something small and stupid.'”
I need to learn this, to accept that kids will do dumb things and if I can be gentle with the small mistakes then hopefully my kids will not be afraid to come to me if they make big mistakes.

“The purpose of youth sports, Thompson says, is to create better competitors and to create better people. He often asks parents who they think has the job of accomplishing the first goal. “They get it right way,” he said. “Coaches and kids.” Parents have a more important job, he tells them.” You focus on the second goal, helping your kids take what they learn from sports into the rest of their lives.” Let’s say your kids strikes out, and his team loses the game. “You can have a first-goal conversation about bailing out of the batter’s box, keeping your eye on the ball, etc. Or you can have a second-goal conversation about resilience, character, and perseverance.”
I think this is so important to remember as my kids start activities. There are coaches and teachers to tell them how to play the sports. My role is to help the kids see the intangible benefits of what they are doing.

“Honey, what you are saying makes a lot of sense.”
Another phrase I need to learn to use more – to validate other people.

Reading with the kids – some of our/my recent favorites (I mean the kids also love those early readers that feature Peppa Pig or the Avengers, but I’m going to be a bit of a snob and list the ones that I like reading to them.):

The Legend of Rock Paper Scissors by Drew Daywalt and Adam Rex – I got this as a Vox book and it’s hilarious to my kids who love to settle things by playing Rock-Paper-Scissors. (Though they don’t always like the results.)

L’Ecole de Barbarpapa by Annette Tisson and Talus Taylor – okay this book is one I like to read. At the end of the school year, the 6 year old’s school gives everyone books to take home. Because he is in a French immersion program, they try to give him French books. When I saw this book, I was immediately taken back to my childhood – The Barbapapa books were very popular where I was growing up in Canada. It’s about a charming family of amorphous beings who shape shift as necessary. In this book, they open up a school.

I’m a Unicorn by Helen Yoon – This is a rather silly book about a cow that thinks they’re a unicorn because they have one horn. There are poop jokes, which always makes for a winner. Yoon also wrote the work from home book “Off-Limits” that we love.

Working Boats by Tom Crestodina – A beautifully illustrated book that looks at cross sections of various boats. Not a bedtime book, but a slowly pore and explore book with so many fascinating facts.

On my proverbial night stand:

Wild Genius on the Moors – still plugging through the Bronte biography. Charlotte has writer’s block.

Braiding Sweetgrass – I had put this aside for a while, but now I’m about 20 pages to the end, so I really want to finish it.

Stranger in a Shogun’s City – Non fiction about a woman in nineteenth century Japan who, after suffering three failed marriages, leaves her rural village for the big city of Edo. Such fascinating period details.

The Number One Chinese Restaurant – novel set in Rockville, near where I live and where, indeed, all the good Chinese restaurants are.

Tree Grows in Brooklyn – for Engie’s book club. What a lot of suffering is going on in these chapters.

Unwind – Dystopian YA novel about a world where adults can choose to have children “unwound” – basically their body parts are taken and given to other people- if they don’t show any promise between the ages of 13-18. It is rather grim reading. Next book in our Mother Daughter book club. We might need something more cheerful next.

Books Read – June 2023

Nothing like the first of the month to recap the books I read two months ago… I read more books than normal in June- thanks partly to my solo week at home! These past few months I’ve been really enjoying reading hard copy books. I read a lot via Libby on my phone, but there is something glorious to be about sitting with a book and turning the pages and flipping back and forth. I think the family being away really upped my “read in bed” lounge-y time.

The Chuckling Finger by Mabel Seeley – I was unfamiliar with Seeley, but I guess this American writer was hugely popular in the late 30s and 40s. She wrote mystery and crime novels. I picked up this book because I saw it recommended in The Week – can’t remember by whom. It’s like an Agatha Christie mystery with a touch more gothic in it. The story centers around Ann Gray, who has come to visit her cousin at her house on the lake. Mysterious accidents and eventually bodies ensue. It’s not the most well plotted of mysteries, but the heroine is plucky and smart and quite daring. Good if you’ve exhausted Agatha Christie and looking for something similar.

Scarborough by Catherine Hernandez – This 2017 novel by Canadian writer Hernandez centers around three children whose lives intertwine at a literacy center for low income families in a suburb outside of Toronto. Such a well crafted book, with story lines and characters flowing parallel and then intersecting in heart-wrenching ways. I think this novel really showed how hard it is to be a good parents when your basic needs are not being met – it’s Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in novel form. Another central theme in this book is how children can simultaneously be so vulnerable yet so resilient. Even when their lives are hard, the characters manage to find friends and moments of joy. Reading about children who are abused or mistreated is always hard for me, yet Hernandez manages to treat all her characters with empathy and compassion, even when they are making really bad decisions.
Quotes I highlighted:
– “He lay his daughter on the bed face up, which made her snore so perfectly. She was the most beautiful sack of potatoes he ever did see.”
Yep, I’ve been there.
-“Sylvie’s dad was on that couch for months. Jonathon, like many here, was a sad combination of bad cards dealt and bad choices made.”
-“When you’re dead, you can’t tell someone, “You will change your ways,” because their ways won’t continue ever again.”

Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman – full cast audio production – I listened to this book on my commute and loved it. It was clever, funny, deeply human and vastly entertaining. I laughed out loud many many times. In this novel, as the world hurtles towards Armageddon an Angel and a Demon contemplate life and how much the actually enjoy Earth and don’t want it to end. I don’t always like full cast audio productions, but I found this one to be pretty great.

When a Rogue Meets his Match by Elizabeth Hoyt – This is the second book of Hoyt’s Greycourt series. It was … fine. Not particularly memorable – I just had to google the book to remind myself of the plot – it involves a forced marriage and then BIG SECRETS and then bad people. In my notes, I wrote, “The chemistry between the main characters was hot. Plotting was kind of awkward. I’m not sure I understand the motivation for all the intrigue.”

Night of the Scoundrel by Kelly Bowen – So I got to the end of When a Rogue Meets his Match and… there was another book appended to the back. I figured, may as well read it too. This novella is pretty much a vengeance plot. Guy says, “Help me get revenge.” Girl says, “What will you give me?” He says, “Whatever you want.” And they fall in the love in the meantime. Kelly Bowen is new to me. I thought her writing was very good, but I thought that the trauma and backstory of the mysterious hero was overwrought. I don’t mean to say trauma can’t be… well, traumatic, but just there was something almost sadistic about the amount of suffering he was made to go through here.

Wench by Dolen Perkins-Valdez: This novel is set at Tawawa House, a holiday resort in Ohio where white men would bring their enslaved Black mistresses. I was fascinated by this little slice of history – about what would motivate a man to bring his enslaved mistress to a resort and what it was like for the women to leave the plantation. The novel centers around a group of six slaves who meet at Tawawa House and the friendships they form and how their lives shift as they return to the resort year after year. Not going lie – this book was a challenging and gut-wrenching read, as one would expect of a book centered around the lives of a group of slaves. There is a lot of brutal sexual assault depicted as well as the mental and emotional and physical cruelty of slavery. Even still, I found this book gripping, as it followed the main character and her conflicted relationship with her master.

Index, A History of the by Dennis Duncan – The title pretty much says it all. I found this book fascinating. Duncan delves into the history of how we categorize, track and find information in the books that we read. The book is a little dry, very witty and definitely nerdy. I mean there is a whole chapter about page numbers. I take page numbers for granted, but Duncan points out that page numbers were kind of useless before the printing press was invented then goes into the history of page numbers including what is one of the earliest surviving page numbers. Also, apparently indexes were controversial when they first became a thing because people thought that scholars would just read indexes rather than the real text. Also – did you know there was a society of professional indexers? I guess someone has to create an index, but it had never occurred to me before that that could be a profession. And in our world of AI and Google and e-book search functions – are professional indexers going to be obsolete? Duncan does provide an example of a computer generated index and a human generated index of this book, and one can certainly tell the difference. Indeed, the human generated index is one of the most amusingly tongue in cheek things I’ve read in a while. Definitely don’t skip reading the index of this book if you read it.

Unshuttered: Poems by Patricia Smith – Smith collects nineteenth century photographs of Black people and this volume of poetry was inspired by those photographs. Photographs of Black people of the time are very rare as Black people did not often have the money or freedom to have their portraits taken. For each photograph in this volume of poetry, Smith has written a poem that speculates as to whom the subject is. Both the pictures and the poems are haunting.

Slay by Brittney Morris – YA novel, our Mother Daughter book club book this month. I heard about this book on the podcast What Should I Read Next and immediately put it on my holds list from the library. This novel centers around 17 year old Kiera who has developed a video game that only Black people can play – the worlds and characters and superpowers were all created with the Black experience in mind. No one knows that she is behind this hugely popular game and when a teenager is killed over the game, Kiera has to decide how to handle the public scrutiny and accusations of “anti-white discrimination” that the game starts to get all while. I thought this was a very thought provoking book – Morris speaks more eloquently about the need for safe spaces and for the difficulty of being unable to assert your own racial identity than any piece of non-fiction I’ve read. At the same time, the book isn’t preachy or didactic – all these thorny issues are wrapped up in a well plotted novel that moves with momentum. I really enjoyed this book. The 11 year old did as well.

On my proverbial night stand:
Wild Genius of the Moors – Still reading about the Brontes. The past couple chapters have had so. much. death. Sad sad times.

Keeper of the Lost Cities by Sharon Messenger: Mother daughter book club book. My daughter suggested this one. She is obsessed with this series about a girl who discovers she has magical powers and leaves her known family and earth.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – as part of Engie’s blogger book club. I’ve never read this book before and am finding it beautiful in its details of time, place, and character.

My Darkest Prayer by S.A. Cosby – I loved his novel Razorblade Tears. This is one of his first efforts and while it is a little rough around the edges, I’m enjoying the prose very much.

What are you reading?

Books Read – February 2023

Random book habit though this month: After I finish a book, I will go back and re-read the first two or three chapters again. I find by the time I get to the end of a book, I often don’t remember the first few chapters, and I like to remind myself how the story starts; there are often details that pop out at me that I hadn’t noticed before, but which feel richer having read the whole book. Often the characters have changed or grown, so it’s fun to see what they were like at the beginning. I very rarely re-read entire books, though. What about you?

Would Like To Meet by Rachel Winters– This was a cute but ridiculous romance-ish novel that the I picked up because the 11 year old found it at the Little Free Library at the pool, and I jokingly said, “We should have a book club!” So she read it and then handed it to me. The premise: Evie works as an assistant to an agent whose major (only) client is an Oscar winning screenwriter who is behind on delivering a script for a rom com. The screenwriter has writer’s block because he thinks romantic comedies are unbelievable, so Evie decides to show him that the “meet cute” really does exist by attempting to have a “meet cute.” Hijinks ensue. This is a decidedly mediocre yet amusing romance novel. Evie is a bit too much of a door mat for my liking, but her friends are fun and the meet cutes that she engineers have their own charm.

Dante and Aristotle Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz, read by Lin Manuel Miranda – Truth, I chose this audio book because it was narrated by Lin Manuel Miranda. This YA novel tells the story about Ari, who can’t swim, and Dante whom he meets at a pool, and who offers to teach him. Over the course of a summer and the following school years, the two Mexican-American teenagers develop a deep friendship that grows into more. It’s the kind of book that meanders along, much like life, until something really dramatic happens, then people pick up the pieces and try to keep moving forward. I thought it really captured the inertia of the teen years – the way that things often seem like they won’t ever change then life turns a corner and suddenly things will never be the same. There were some pacing issues with the book, but I did love all the characters, especially Dante who was kind of quirky and unselfconsciously so.

I’m only Wicked with You by Julie Ann Long – I really enjoyed Long’s Pennyroyal Green series. This is the latest in her Palace of Rogues series. I thought the ending had everything I love in a romance novel ending, but the rest of the book took a looooong time to get there. Forced marriage isn’t my favorite romance novel trope and when two characters spend too much time not liking each other, I get impatient. I mean I like witty banter as much as the next person, but a lot of the banter in the first part of the book was just caustic and mean. Once the two main characters started getting along and liking each other, I really started to enjoy this book.

My Plain Jane By Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows, and Cynthia Hand– I picked this up because I found the first book of this series, My Lady Jane, really charming and was eager for more of the same. Like My Lady Jane, My Plain Jane is a retelling of a known story (Jane Eyre) with some twists, turns, and magical elements. This novel features Charlotte Bronte and her good friend Jane Eyre as ghost hunters, and the plot revolves around the secret society they come to work for. I thought the book was really clever; the authors did not shy away from the problematic issues of the original source material; explaining the whole “How does the 19 year old fall in love with a manipulative man twice her age, and who is that in the attic?” is actually the backbone of the story. Even still, this book was very chaotic with huge plot holes and coincidences galore that I just found ridiculous after a while. Reading this book made me realize that one thing I loved about My Lady Jane was the audio book narrator – I just didn’t have the right dry witty tone in my head when I read My Plain Jane to myself.

Mercy Street by Jennifer Haigh – Surprisingly funny book about lives that intersect, either directly or indirectly, around a Boston abortion clinic. I thought the character portraits of people on both side of the abortion debate were really shrewdly drawn, and I was really sucked into the lives of these character who all were just trying to do the right thing. The anti-abortion protesters seemed like caricatures in their dogmatic beliefs, almost to the point where I felt like that portrait was perhaps a little unfair. The book is not an unbiased view, of course. The main character, Claudia, has worked in the abortion clinic for years and even as she is worn down by the job, she still does it because she believes it’s essential work in a world that is stacked against women. At one point, one character says, that he has no problem with abortion, “as long as there’s a good reason.” And Claudia replies, “There’s always a good reason.”

I have two little things that bothered me about the book – one is that the book felt like a very white telling of the abortion debate – totally understandable because Haigh is a white author, so I don’t know that I should have expected otherwise. I just felt like there was a whole side and demographic missing from how abortion services are vital in this country. The other tick was a stylistic quirk where characters often loose track of time and it would repeatedly be, “months or days”, “after an hour or a month…” etc. Those are the only two I highlighted, but it recurred many times to the point of irking me.

Anyhow, some other passages of note:

“Bring in your pelvis for its twelve-month check up. Failure to perform scheduled maintenance may void warranty.” – made me laugh out loud. Yeah, I feel like that some days. Like the body is a machine and I’m not following the manual correctly.

“Baby Doe had been a person, a little girl who felt love ad joy, who delighted in her pink leggings and giggled when her toenails were painted and who, in the end, felt shock and fear and betrayal and pain. As a fetus she’d been protected by Massachusetts law, the twenty-four week cutoff. As a person she was utterly dependent on a woman who couldn’t raise her and didn’t want to. Once she became and actual person, by Doe was on her own.” I think this is one of the things that frustrates me so much about the abortion debate- people need to be cared for throughout life, yet the resources just aren’t there.

“Deb raised other people’s kids because it was one of only a few things she could earn money doing. The world was full of discarded people, sickly old ones and damaged young ones, and she was a paid caretaker. It said something about the world that this was the worst-paying job around.” – yeah this goes hand in hand with the quote above.

“Married life was like walking around in shoes that almost fit. She wore them every day for two years, and still they gave her blisters. Like most shoes designed for women, they were not foot-shaped.” So when married life gives you blisters – do you get new shoes or just put on some moleskin?

Some picture books that we enjoyed this month (inspired by how Lisa always includes picture books in her reading recaps!) :

Off Limits by Helen Yoon – this was a re-read about working from home. It’s cute and a lot of fun and the kids (and I) totally relate to it, particularly the scene where the child strews Post-It notes alllllll over the room.

The Barnabus Project by the Fan Brothers – This book is about a bunch of misfit toys that escape their confines. It’s a gripping adventure story, and I wish I could find more picture books that had this kind of large scale adventure element to them.

Otis and the Scarecrow by Loren Long – We are new to the Otis the Tractor series – where have we been this whole time? This book had a charming relaxed feel, and I really liked the message about accepting people in all their moods.

Over and Under the Canyon by Kate Messner, art by Christopher Silas Neal – We love this whole series of books – each book takes a deep look at one habitat in nature. The prose is calm and soothing, just like a nature ramble should be. The first one was Up in the Garden, Down the the Dirt, is still probably our favorite.

On my (Proverbial) Night Stand – for some reason I have a lot of books in progress right now, though three of those are ongoing reading projects.

The Brontes – Still plugging away. The drama and understatement of village life is riveting.

Braiding Sweetgrass – The next chapter is quite long so I’m saving it for when I can sit and read it in one go.

Interior Chinatown by Charles Wu – novel set in Hollywood about a struggling Taiwanese actor. It feels especially relevant when Everything Everywhere All at Once swept the Oscars.

Fencing with the King by Diana Abu-Jabar – Amani, a divorced poet, accompanies her father to his homeland of Jordan. So far it’s family secrets and some beautifully descriptive writing about life in Jordan.

What the Fresh Hell Is This by Heather Corinna – still working my way through this book on perimenopause too.

Stay True by Hua Hsu – Memoir about growing up as Asian Americans in America. My father recommended this book to me, and then I heard Hsu give an interview on Fresh Air and thought he said some very thoughtful things.

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine – the next “book club” book with the 11 year old.

Books Read – November 2022

A surprisingly full reading month. Some good, some not so good.

Dava Shashtri’s Last Day by Kirthana Samisetti – I felt pretty “meh” about this book. The novel is about a very wealthy lady, the self-made Dava Shashtri, who arranges for all her children to come home so that she can spend her last days with them. Secrets come out, families get redefined. I think the main thing I didn’t love about this novel was that I felt like that a lot of the storytelling was kind of … lazy. Throughout the novel diary excerpts, letters (unsent), newspaper articles, etc. were used to tell the reader what the characters were like, and while I love a good epistolary novel (Where’d You Go Bernadette did this so well), in this book these narrative devices just seemed a somewhat contrived and forced way to do some character development. Also … I know everyone has a story, but I think these days I don’t have as much patience for stories about rich people problems.

Shit, Actually by Lindy West – okay, this book was hilarious. Each chapter is devoted to one movie which West recaps while pointing out the sheer ridiculousness of the movie. Some of the chapters were so funny that I read them aloud to the Husband. West points out the sexism, agesim, racism, all the problematic -isms that were (are) pervasive in Hollywood, often to hilarous effect. The title of the book refers to Love, Actually – which I love, but yes, it has some really cringe-y things going on in it.

The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan- This book was really well written and crafted, but it made me so angry. Which, I think, was kind of the point. The novel tells the story about Frida, who leaves her two year old alone at home for a few hours and is sent by the court to a facility that is basically mom rehab. It’s a little dystopian/ Handmaid’s Tale in the way that the women at the facility have no rights and must buy into this very rigid idea of what makes a good mother. Ironically, I was reading Sibling Rivalry at the same time and some of the language that the educators at the facility use is very similar to language in Sibling Rivalry, except in the concept of “mom school”, the words sound like some kind of military state mantra, and for a split second made me question my own faith in parenting books. Anyhow, everyone is miserable, the women are powerless, motherhood is skewered, and fathers get off easy in this novel. I can’t say I enjoyed it but it was certainly powerful and I really understood the way that the mothers in the book were all being judged and expected to hold motherhood as some impossibly high standard. “Unrelenting misery, finely written” is what I wrote in my notes. Some quotes that hit close to home:
“My ex-husband said my custody might be suspended. is that true?”
“Yes, the child will remain in her father’s care.”
“But it won’t ever happen again. Gust knows that.”
“Ms. Liu, this was an emergency removal because of imminent danger. You left your daughter unsupervised.”
Frida fushes. She always feels like she’s fucking up, but now there’s evidence.

The mothers at the school are instructed in how to hug their children:
They shouldn’t hold for more than three beats. Sometimes five or six beats is permissible if the child is injured or has experienced verbal, emotion, or physical trauma. Up to ten beats is permitted in extreme situations. Longer than that will hinder the child’s burgeoning independence.
When I first had my kid, I always wondered what the right thing to do was, even for the intangible….this pretty much sums up some of my internal monologue.

Frida is exhuasted from crouching and squatting and chasing and listening and giving and trying to channel frustration into love.
Yup… every day.

Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlich – Speaking of which…. I thought this book had some really good concrete ideas for how not to create contentious sibling relations. Which is not to say that kids won’t fight… just that parents can minimize their own role in their children’s antagonism. So many useful things in this book, the big idea is that when we listen to our kids and make them feel heard, they will be less likely to feel resentful of their siblings. A few of my specific takeaways:
– Don’t compare your children. This seems obvious, but I think there are subtle ways of comparing that I didn’t realize I was doing until I read this book. Specifically doling out praise – rather than praise inherent qualities in children, praise actions. Which I know is oft given parenting advice, but I’d never thought of it in context of siblings. When you praise actions, then siblings may be less prone to jealousy because actions can be emulated in ways that characteristics may not be. So a kid isn’t thinking, “Oh I’m not smart like my brother.” rather they think, “Oh my brother studies after school. That’s a good habit. I’ll try that too.”
– When kids fight, address the injured party, not the aggressor. So rather than, “Don’t hit your sister!” you say to the sister, “Oh does your hand hurt? Let’s get it some ice.” Then you show that your attention is on the injury not the action.
– Encourage kids to work things out on their own. Their steps: Narrate the conflict (“It looks like you both want to play with the train.) then let the kids figure it out (“I’m taking the train away until you guys can come to an agreement on how to play with it without fighting.”) I’ve actually tried this several times and it seems to work a lot of the time. I think in the past, I’ve stopped at just taking the toy away, but that extra step of actually telling them to work it out seems to really encourage them to talk to each other rather than sulking in separate rooms.
-In Family meetings avoid deciding things by vote because voting can leave someone feeling as if their opinions don’t matter. Have each person state their case, then state the family values you want the decision to follow. If you do vote, acknowledge the disappointment.

Tiny Habits by B.J. Fogg – I wrote little bit about this book in my last post when I was contemplating my morning routine. Fogg studies behavior science at Stanford, and his book is very organized- he lays out this step by step method he has developed to help cement little habits, with the idea that little habits become big developments or advances. I will say, I think the book is a bit of overkill for learning his method. I mostly read the book because I had heard him on an episode of Life Kit and was intrigued by his ideas, but I think I had expected the book to be more about the science and psychology of cementing habits, but there wasn’t a whole lot of that kind of backing. I don’t think one needs to read his book to incorporate his ideas into one’s life. I did like the lists he had at the back of the book of various examples of simple ways to incorporate tiny habits and prompts into one’s life. Also in the back of the book he has a fun list of ways to celebrate tiny habits – his method is pretty much: brainstorm tiny habits that would fix a problem/ pick one tiny habit and find a prompt for it/ link tiny habit to prompt/ celebrate tiny habit to cement it. One of my favorite is “Look for something yellow.”

My Lady Jane by Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows, read by Katherine Kellgren – I loved this book, a take on the story of Lady Jane Grey, the nine day queen. Funny, sassy, sweet, smart, this book made me laugh out loud so many times. I’ve always thought Lady Jane Grey’s story was so so sad. I mean, she was basically a 16 year old pawn who lost her life in the deadly games of the court power. I couldn’t see how the authors could give her a happy ending, but they did. There might be a little imaginative bending of historical truths, but I highly approve. Also the audiobook narrator has this deliciously dry tone that made the listening experience a delight. I hear the second book in the series is My Plain Jane, based on Jane Eyre and I’m already planning to read that in January.

Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzales – There was so much I liked about this book, about a wedding planner to the elite living in the Bronx and her politician brother. The writing was great, the characters complex yet understandable, the book tackles themes of racism, classicism and the American Dream in a really sharp and observant way, and the plotting was swift and kept me interested. The book also made me realize how little I know about Puerto Rico, despite it being part of the United States. The two main characters are of Puerto Rican heritage and their complex relationship with the island is one of the main plot points of the book. The book also reminded me a little of The Dutch House in the way that characters in both books have to grapple with saintly absent mothers. I will say, that there was one bit towards the end that kind of just put me off to the book – it was just a plot point, an important plot point, but one that I wish had been handled differently. All in all, though, I thought it was a good read. Some passages I highlighted:

–Olga began to notice that her clients were growing steadily richer while people doing the work were getting compensated in exactly the same way. Even the rich people appeared less content than before. Simply existing seemed an immense burden to them. Their wealth bought them homes that were “exhausting” to deal with, vacations that were “overwhelming” to plan for.

– In the aftermath of the Spice It Up debacle, Olga realized that she’d allowed herself to become distracted from the true American dream – accumulating money – by its phantom cousin, accumulating fame. She would never made that mistake again.

In Olga’s heart there was a pin-sized hole of infinite depth that made every day slightly more painful than it needed to be. She thought of it, this hole, as a birth defect. The space where, in a normal heart, a mother’s love was meant to be.
I thought that was just some really beautiful writing.

Books Read July – September 2022

I feel like I got a lot of good reading in this summer, though September itself was not a big reading month because of work. I’m now filling my book queue with some books that I hope will be page turners, so I’ll be encouraged to read even when I’m having long days at work. But these past few months:

The Deep by Rivers Solomon, Daveed Diggs, William Hutson, and Jonathan Snipes, read by Daveed Diggs. This sci-fi novella centers around a group of water-breathing people who were descended from pregnant African slaves thrown overboard from slave ships as they crossed the Atlantic. It’s inspired by a song produced by the group Clipping for an episode of This American Life called We are the Future, which in the aftermath of George Floyd explored the concept of Afrofuturism. The Deep is a beautiful, raw, and evocative story which centers on Yetu whose role in her community is to hold the collective memory of her people since it is too painful for them all to remember themselves. She eventually leaves her people in order not to carry this burden. The way the novel’s water dwellers have created a world that is very different from the world we inhabit on land, I thought was a really thought provoking lens through which to think about things like race, gender, and collective history. Also Daveed Diggs of Hamilton! Apparently I will listen to any audiobook narrated by Hamilton cast members

Paperback Crush by Gabrielle Moss – This is a non-fiction book about the YA fiction genre of the 80s and 90s -Sweet Valley High, Babysitter’s Club, The Sunfire Series – pretty much the books I grew up reading. This book was a pure nostalgia trip! There were also some great interviews and details with the people who wrote these books and also an interview with an artist who did some of the cover art. That inside peek at how formulaic these books were was fascinating to me. The book does end somewhat abruptly, but before then it brought back so many memories of some of my formative reading years. Also, I definitely made notes of some books that seemed really interesting that I never read when I was a tween and which I might be interested in picking up now.

Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell – Novel that imagines the life of Shakespeare’s wife and children during the plague of 1596. I loved so much about this book – the elegant precision of the writing, the details of life in the 1600s, the way the characters were so fully drawn, the relationships, the Shakespeare references (even though he is never mentioned by name and indeed was a somewhat shadowing figure on the sidelines throughout), the exquisite sadness of the book. The ending – the beautiful, cathartic ending. I’m not a book crier, but this book brought a lump to my throat.

The Love of My Life by Rosie Walsh, read by Imogen Church and Theo Soloman – Domestic suspense novel of the “Woman in Peril” genre. This book was not what I expected, and in a good way. Without giving away anything, I’ll just say that I really liked how this book explored how love can be so complicated and so simple at the same time.

The Splendid and the Vile by Eric Larson – Larson recounts the first year of Winston Churchill’s term as Prime Minister of Great Britain and the beginning of WWII. This book looks at that time not only through the political and military lens, but also through the domestic and personal one. The book reminds me of the Virginia Woolf quote, “This is an important book, the critic assumes, because it deals with war. This is an insignificant book because it deals with the feelings of women in a drawing room.” Larson shows that war and drawing room feelings are both equally important – even against the backdrop of war, people still continued to live their lives, fall in love, have affairs, worry about their children. Even as history is being made, lives continued to be lived. I also felt there was a certain similarity between Londoners living through the Blitz and us living through COVID – the unrelenting tension of living life in a constant state of caution.

The Great Green Room by Amy Cary – I heard this biography recommended on the podcast What Should I Read Next. This is a book about Margaret Wise Brown, who wrote, among other things, the classic Good Night, Moon. I thought the book itself rather methodical and workman like in its prose, but the details of Brown’s life were interesting, particularly her ideas of what would appeal to children – insights that were I think notable given that she didn’t have children. Or maybe it’s because she didn’t have children that she was able to have such a unique perspective on what would interest them in a book.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca – This past summer, I read this blog post that broke down Goodread’s list of most popular romance novels of the past three years. Anyhow, I thought it was a hilarious analysis of the titles included in the list – most of which I haven’t read because I tend to read historical romance, and most of the titles were contemporary romances. But only three titles on the Goodread list made her “Loved” list. One of them was Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore, which I also loved, so I figured the other two books would be worth checking out. This was one of them. It did not disappoint. Well Met is set against the backdrop of a Renaissance Festival – so already it is sprinkled with my catnip. Anyhow this is a charming and sweet and funny book. I don’t always love first person narrative – which is probably why I don’t read a whole lot of contemporary romance – but the heroine in this book had such a hilarious personality that I didn’t mind much.

News of the World by Paulette Jiles – Spare yet perfectly pitched novella about Captain Jefferson Kydd, an elderly widower who makes a living going from town to town reading the news to people in the American Frontier in post Civil War America. He takes on the task of bringing a girl, Johanna, back to her relatives. Johanna’s parents had been killed by Kiowa raiders and she has been living with the Kiowa for the past four years and life with them was the only thing she has known. The journey Kydd and Johanna take is dangerous and without comfort, but along the way Kydd and Johanna, form a special bond even as they struggle to understand each other. Jile’s prose is so very good. The end left me a little teary eyed. One of my favorite passages:
“No, my dear, he said. He put his hand over hers, once again placed the fork correctly, and once again lifted it to her mouth. Then he sat on his own side of the wagon and saw her struggling with the fork, the knife, the stupidity of it, the unknown reasons that human being would approach food in this manner, reasons incomprehensible, inexplicable, for which they had not common language. She tried again, and then turned and threw the fork into a box stall.”

How to Keep House while Drowning by K.C. Davis – My house feels like a constant state of mess, so of course this book was appealing. Davis, who is a licensed profession therapist, approaches keeping house from a mental health standpoint and there were so may wise and gentle ideas in her book. My two main takeaways:
– “Care tasks are morally neutral.” I really needed to hear this because often I think of my inability to keep things clean and tidy as a failure of some sort. And, I admit, I feel like I pass that feeling on to my kids. We are raised on the “Cleanliness next to Godliness” adage, but Davis reminds us:
“You can be a fully functioning, fully successful, happy, kind, generous adult and never be good at cleaning.” Taking away the feeling of guilt and shame associated with keeping a clean house helps me focus on the why I want to keep my house clean and how to achieve that goal, rather than wallowing in the parts of cleaning I find hard.
-Think about what it takes to make things functional, and start with that as your baseline. She also re-frames cleaning as “re-setting”. In thinking about how to reset my space every evening so that future me can function in the morning proves a really helpful framework for when things are overwhelming. So, for example, the dining room floor might not get swept, but the kitchen counter is clean so that I can make breakfast in the morning.
“Cleaning is endless. Resetting space has a goal.”
Even aside from the deep thoughts about cleaning and how to organize your life, Davis also has some really practical tips and strategies that I like. I found this book really helpful.

Broken Horses by Brandi Carlile, read by Brandi Carlile – When the Husband and I were first dating, he would listen to Brandi Carlile’s self titled debut album every single morning. We called it breakfast music. I thought Carlile’s memoir was a really great read/listen- she has a straightforward easy style of writing as one would expect from her music, and I really enjoyed hearing about her life. I was also really struck by how humble and hard-working she was. She doesn’t hide the hustle nor her good luck. An added bonus of the audiobook is that between chapters, she performs songs that she talks about in the previous chapter – it adds so much depths to hear Carlile sing a song after finding out what it meant to her.

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro – I usually really like Ishiguro, but this book took me a while to get into and I still don’t think I fully understand it. Ishiguro’s rather detached and naive prose style is probably quite suited for a story told through the eyes of an Klara, an Artificial Friend – an AI creation who goes to live with Josie, a very sick girl. Like most Ishiguro novels, the narrator doesn’t quite understand the whole picture and I actually found it frustrating in parts. I understand the narrative device as a means of exploring the idea of humanity, but the book just didn’t mesh for me like a lot of Ishiguro’s other books.

When We Lost Our Heads by Heather O’Neill – I picked up this book because it is set in Montreal and I like to read books set in my destination city when I’m travelling. This book was certainly well written – smart and satirical with characters all slightly off kilter. Set in late 19th century Montreal, it tells the story of two girls, Marie Antoinette and Sadie, who come from different backgrounds but both live in a wealthy section of Montreal. They become friends but then are separated after a tragic incident. They both grow up to tackle ideas of feminism in very different ways. This book really skewers men and the way they take women for granted and underestimate them. I thought the book very clever, but overall the style was a little heavy handed and stilted and I didn’t love it. A notable quote, though:
“The truth was, she had always liked being alone. Women never got to be alone. That was too much of a luxury. Women always had someone to take care of. She had o one to take care of. She got to really do what she pleased. She left her clothes on the side of the bed. There was no one who would yell at her for leaving them.”

Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall – This was the other book on NGS’s list of “loved” romance novels from the Goodreads list. I, too, loved this book. It was funny and swoony and heartfelt. It tells the story of screw up tangentially famous Luc O’Donnell who needs a fake boyfriend to save his career so his friend sets him up with the unimpeachable and slightly uptight barrister Oliver Blackwood. Slightly uptight and unimpeachable heroes are kind of my romance novel catnip so I enjoyed that aspect very much. But even aside from that this book balanced humour and sincere emotion perfectly. Such a good read.

Lovely War by Julie Berry narrated by Jayne Entwistle, Allan Corduner, Julie Berry, Dion Graham, Fiona Hardingham, John Lee, Nathanial Parker, Steve West – This novel had quite a clever framework – two intertwined love stories set against the back drop of WWI, told by Aphrodite. Yes, that Aphrodite. The Goddess of Love has been caught in an affair with the God of War and she must argue her case. Other also gods drop in to help tell the stories of love in time of war. The premise of the novel is quite clever, but the heart of the story lies in the journeys of hope and resilience the pair of lovers take – I thought it a really touching and engaging story. The audio version had different actors voice the different gods’ contribution, and I really enjoyed how each person brought a unique voice to each god.