Tag: life

NaBloPoMo 2024 thoughts and Bonus time with a kid

I mentioned last post that I was a little hesitant to participate in NaBloPoMo, but now that it’s over, I’m glad I tried to post as much as possible during the month of November. A few thoughts I had about NaBloPoMo 2024, my first attempt at posting every day (though it didn’t turn out to be every day):

-I was really excited by how many people participated this year, and I’m really glad I was introduced to some new blogs and writers. Though I didn’t get to comment as much as a I would have liked, I loved what a wide variety of things that people wrote about. I think my favorite thing about NaBloPoMo as a reader is seeing all the different ways people use blogs as creative outlets.

-I liked the challenge of writing as much as possible, but I don’t know that I liked posting un-polished writing. I’m not a fast writer, and I find my writing needs a lot of editing. I think what I missed the most during NaBloPoMo was being able to take time to craft posts. Posting things that I don’t get to marinate on a for a while felt a little rushed to me. I actually have a couple of ideas that I wanted to write about and drafted, but didn’t publish because I wanted to be able to think about them a bit more. As a result, I think my posts were more pedestrian. Which I think is fine, but I do like to have a mix of “What’s gong on in my life” and “What’s going on in my head” posts, and I think this month it was more the former than the latter, and if I’m honest, I don’t always think “What’s going on in my life” is very interesting for anyone except future me looking back. At any rate, it’s probably a good exercise for me to write quickly and more impulsively because I tend to over think things, but writing quickly doesn’t come easy.

-On the other hand, I now have a bunch of things in my “drafts” folder that I can work on a post next year when I have a break from opera and my schedule opens up a little bit. Also – I never got to the Ask Me Anything posts, and I’m actually really excited to answer the questions that people asked, so definitely look for that in the future.

-There were some posts, namely the “What I wore” and the Friday Haikus, that were easy to put together because I gathered the content all week. I used to post haikus more regularly, but have fallen out of the habit. I think I’d like to try to make that a regular post again.

-Would I do it again? I don’t know – November is always a super busy month for me at work. I didn’t get to read as much, and I didn’t journal at. all. during November. I really miss having the time to do those things. I’ve thought about maybe tackling a NaBloWriMo challenge during a month when I have a lighter work schedule, where I would have time to really write contemplatively. I fully admit there was a bit of FOMO that led me to take up the challenge, and I’m not sure if that is healthy for me. If I’m going to do it, I need to figure out what it does for me.

For those of you who are new to me via NaBloPoMo, I’m so glad you’ve visited my corner of the internet! I hope I can continue to read your words and/or you’ll continue to read mine.

In other news, another calendar page has turned and it’s the last month of 2024. Eeep! When did that happen? And since we have a three month calendar on our wall, I can see February. Which is actually kind of nice because it is pretty empty right now.

I’ve had hopes of doing some productive life admin the past couple of days since yesterday was a free day and today I didn’t start rehearsal until noon, but I’ve been unexpectedly on kid duty; the four year old’s day care is closed because the HVAC system is not working and it is too cold for the center to operate without heat. Part of me is irked by the whole thing, part of me is thankful that it’s finally gotten cold… because global warming, y’all.

Anyhow, the 5 year old not being in school has been unexpected. I mean the kid hasn’t been in school for a week, what with the Thanksgiving holiday and all. The HVAC system at the school has been in need of repair for several weeks now – actually probably several decades, let’s be honest – and there are space heaters, but my guess is that the space heaters aren’t enough to counter the center being empty for the holiday weekend. There is a lot of chatter on the parent’s WhatsApp group – the situation seems long and complicated and responsibility for the HVAC system is not clear cut. I’ve had to silence the notifications on the WhatApp group because it was getting to be too too much for me, all the BIG FEELINGS and ANGER. I get that parents are upset, I really do, but the vitriol is draining. I’m having flashbacks to March of 2020 when we we suddenly had the day care rug pulled out from under us. But I’m feeling a kind of zen settle over me about the current situation – we survived COVID, we can survive a broken HVAC system. Or we’ll pivot and figure something else out. I don’t know… maybe I’m naive. I think that a child care crisis is something that we’re shockingly getting used to. And our family is lucky that we can indeed work things out.

Luckily I was off work yesterday. I had been planning to get some life admin done, but instead I took the five year old and her friend for the day. We went to the nature center, to see the holiday train display at the Botanical Gardens, and also to the library. Then I invited a friend, who’s kid is also in the 5 year old’s class, over for a playdate and chat. There’s a silver lining if there ever was one – I’ve been missing chatting with friends, and I didn’t think we’d get to see any holiday displays what with the intense opera schedule these past few weeks. I was lucky that the daycare closure was merely inconvenient and that it gave me an excuse to do some of the things I hadn’t been finding time to do.

Trains!

Today, was day two of preschool being closed. I had rehearsal, so I just brought the 4 year old along. She was actually pretty excited to come along and packed herself a bag with Magnaformers, colouring books, crayons, and stickers. Of all my kids, she is the most energetic, so I was really surprised she sat quietly through three hours of rehearsal – she just coloured and played by herself and watched the singers work.

Rehearsal buddy.

I feel lucky that I work somewhere where no one bats an eye if I bring a five year old to rehearsal. Everyone was actually really happy to see her. The director offered to put her in the show. But you know, two kids in operas in one fall is enough for us. The whole thing made me think, though – zooming out… I think when I started out in the business, I would never have thought to bring my kid to rehearsal because I had no childcare coverage for that day. And I do get that there are jobs where it wouldn’t be okay to bring your kid. But… maybe not as many as one would think? Looking at the big picture here – what is the real cost of giving working caregivers flexibility when they need it, and welcoming a child into the office in a pinch? Perhaps affording them a bit of leeway to handle caregiving duties allows them to mentally be more present to do their job. I think having to think about who is going to care for your child while you work is a huge mental load to take on. Perhaps it’s better in the long run to give people the time and space they need to function as a caregiver and to cover for them, rather than have people distracted and stressed out about how they are going to do it all. Maybe I would think differently if I had a job that had benefits and PTO, though…

So fingers crossed that the preschool will be warm enough for the 5 year old to go to school tomorrow.

Oh, one more thing before I sign off – I was browsing through books on Libby when I came across this version of Anne of Avonlea….

What the what???? I have no idea who that woman on the cover is, but is sure as shucks is not Anne Shirley. How do people even let things like this happen? It’s as if someone was like, “Oh well, here’s a vaguely period looking damsel looking pouty. That’ll do.” Have they even read the book?

Hope you’re staying cozy wherever you are!

Weekly recap + what we ate: September Review/October Aspirations

I was feeling kind of “meh” about September. We had a big goal of doing a lot of decluttering, but we had one major win (the attic), and one kind of fail (the toy room.) We have a plan for the foyer to manage our shoes and socks and drop zones, but it requires ordering new shoe storage. I’m excited about the shoe storage that we have picked out, but it is pricy, so I’m not sure when we’ll order it. And then on top of it all, the start of school and activities just feels overwhelming – totally my own doing, of course, but it’s stressful.

But when I went to journal about my September, I found there were some highlights tucked in there.

September Highlights:
– My parents came to visit.
-The youngest kid turned five!!! We had cake at home and also a birthday party for her with friends at the small local aquarium.
-The kids and I went to the Renaissance Faire. It was so much fun. I’m glad we went early because it’s been sold out for the rest of the season since mid September.
-Going through the attic and throwing out/donating/ passing along so much stuff. The space that this has opened up is amazing.
-Family Game Night. A wonderful, quieter alternative to big adventures.
-Discovered some tasty food near us – a Balkan restaurant and an Indonesian one.
-The County’s Friendship picnic – tasty falafel and bounce houses.
-On the work front – working a corporate gig (a new to me experience), and doing super titles for a Vocal Recital (familiar gig, nice to return to).
-We found out that the 12 year old got into the children’s chorus for the holiday opera that I’m working on. She was so excited. I took this picture of her reading the offer:

September Lowlights – funny how many of these lowlights are tied to the highlights:
-Trying to figure out the logistics of getting the 12 year old to opera rehearsals. Rehearsals start at 4pm, and that’s kind of a logistical nightmare. She doesn’t start until November, but it’s causing a lot of stress.
-My parents came to visit, but I barely saw them because I was working most nights that they were here.
– Not managing to work through the toy room declutter.
-Not having a chance to go on any hikes or visit any museums all month. This might be the first month all year where I didn’t fit in either a hike or a museum visit.

October Aspirations:
Okay, I had written a big long list for October aspirations, but I think I’ll just whittle it down to a few essentials:
– Survive our schedule, making sure everyone stays fed, rested, and gets where they are scheduled to be. In addition to the kids’ usual activities, the 7 year old is going to be a supernumerary (non-speaking extra) in the opera I’m working on. I might regret signing him up – it will be several late nights and will take thoughtful logistics, but he’s excited to do it, and I’m excited to have him in the show.
-Hallowe’en. I think we have costumes sorted out. I need to make them, but I’ve penciled costume work days into my calendar.
– Another effort on the toy room purge.
-VOTE. This is a big one. Early voting starts in ten days. If I don’t do anything else, I need to do this.
-Remember to hug the Husband and children every day.
-Daily time outside. Even the low bar of the Cool Bloggers Walking Club seems high to me right now, but here’s a reminder to step outside and breath the fall air every day.
-I had a bunch of other aspirations written down – the perpetual “get rid of car” project, planning for our Asia Trip, hike, museum, exercise, no-spend month, social plans… I think those are going on the “really, maybe, probably not this month” list. I’m setting expectations low here.

Other Things This Week:
-Contra-dancing! The Husband suggested we go contra-dancing this week. There is a new-ish contra dance about two miles down the road from us on the second Thursday of the month. The Husband and I met contra-dancing and we used to go several times a month. In our area you used to be able to go to a contra dance on Friday Nights and Sunday nights, and if you were willing to drive to Baltimore, you could also go to one on Saturday nights as well. It’s a pretty popular activity here. The Sunday night dance no longer runs now, thanks COVID. And we also haven’t been for a while, thanks, kids. I don’t think we’ve been since before the 7 year old could walk. Anyhow, the Husband told me about this Thursday night dance and we went, taking all the kids, and we all had such a great time. The music was amazing, the people friendly. There were several people that remembered us from when we used to attend the dance regularly. I laughed, I spun really fast, I moved my feet to the music, I swung my kids around, I made small talk with nice people. It was a really great time.

Blurry screen capture from video the 12 year old took of the Husband and me.

-Good talk with a teacher – One of the kids has been struggling in school so we set up a meeting with the teacher to talk about strategies. I’ve always been a little hands off with my kids’ schools, but this year, I’m realizing that there is a an element of collaboration that is needed – teachers and administrators want to know when kids are struggling, and it’s better to ask the questions rather than assume things will work out. I’ve always felt bad about emailing teachers about issues, and taking their time, but I’m seeing that there is a time and a tone for these communications, especially in the elementary/middle school years. I’m sure high school is a whole different ball game.

-Matching Overalls! We went to Duluth Trading Company on Saturday – the Husband needed some new shirts and pants. I’m doing a casual, no-pressure Buy Nothing month (inspired by Stephany!), so I didn’t buy anything for myself, but I did try on some jeans and they weren’t terrible. I might buy myself a pair in November. I haven’t worn jeans in two years and it’s hard to go back, but they are a really versatile piece of clothing and good for running around backstage. So I will marinate on that. But in the mean time, I couldn’t resist picking up a pair of overalls for the 5 year old. They have a super cute fox print pattern on them. And… the overalls come in adult sizes as well. The 12 year old and I both tried them on together. I was sooooo tempted to buy us all matching overalls, but they are on the pricy side and the 12 year old found a pair of ivory corduroy overalls she liked better, and I decided to resist the temptation and stick to my “no buy” intentions. But look how cute we all are!

-We finally finished watching a TV series! This is very rare for us – we often peter out of energy when watching something together, or if I’m watching something on my own, I am often reluctant to watch the series finale because I don’t want the show to end (I’m looking at you, This is Us). We watched the last episode of Ted Lasso over the weekend. (Though there are rumors of a Season 4…?). The last episode was predictably sentimental and heart-tugging to the point of manipulative, but I kind of loved it. I feel like it’s not “cool” to wear your emotions on your sleeve anymore – there is so much television about people being mean to each other, or being irrevocably lonely, or trying to get ahead, or having terrible things happen, and blood and sex and gore and ironic wise assery. And Ted Lasso’s big hearted optimism is the antidote to that. This last season – sure it was predictable and it seemed like they were box checking plot points, but dammit if there weren’t some genuinely touching moments and I might have been a little teary eyed.

-Bored and Brilliant Challenge. As I mentioned in the last post, I’m trying to work my way through the Bored and Brilliant Challenge – six challenges put together by the podcast New Tech City/ Note to Self in 2015 to help one re-set phone habits. The first challenge was to keep your phone in your pocket (or your bag) when you are in transit. As part of the episode, the host sat on a New York City street and counted how many people walking by were interacting with their phone. Of the 1000 people she counted, 30% of people were interacting with their phones, which actually seems low to me – but the episode was from 2015, so maybe people were less attached to their phones nine years ago? At any rate, one of the main points of this first challenge is how even when you don’t look at your phone, even having it out is a distraction and keeps you from truly connecting – with others, with your surroundings, with yourself.
I’ve been doing this “phone in pocket” challenge, and at the beginning I noticed that I would, out of habit, pull my phone out after work as I walked to my car. This wasn’t great, especially since I often left work late at night when it was dark out. But it was also something that I wasn’t even thinking about. What was interesting to me about this challenge, too, is that one would think that a behavior that requires effort (pulling out one’s phone) comes against more friction than something that requires no effort (leaving the phone in my bag). But that itch to check my phone – the discomfort of being bored – clearly was winning out over the inertia of leaving the phone in my bag. So when I started finding myself reaching for my phone while walking or in the car or wanting to take it with me when I walked down the hall to talk to someone at work, I tried to acknowledge the discomfort of being bored, the urge of wanting to be entertained, and sat with that a little bit. Like seriously, what is so boring about walking to the car that I feel like I need to be looking at my phone? I’m sure there are scientific studies that look at how the brain processes content from the phone vs. other inputs. Maybe this “challenge” will just become a habit.

Challenge #2 is to have a Photo Free Day, where you don’t use your phone yo take any pictures for a whole day. I do like to take pictures to remember things, and capture moments. Will report back on how this challenge goes.

Grateful For:
-Walking trails to school. Twice last week, I drove the 7 year old and his friend to school. The first time, was because we missed the bus, so I drove and parked along the trail that goes to the school and we walked the rest of the way – I kind of loathe sitting in the carpool line and thought this would be nicer. The 7 year old said to me, “It’s nice to start the day with a walk!” So on Friday, I asked if he wanted to walk to school again, and he did, so we once again parked on the trail and walked up to the school. I’m grateful that for living in a pretty urban suburb, there are still lots of ways to walk.

-Being home for dinner. Opera season is starting for me, which means a lot of nights and weekends. I’m grateful when I get the evening off and can be home for dinner. I love family dinners.

-Parks and playgrounds. On Saturday, the 12 year old had a birthday party. It was about 25-30 minutes away from home, and we didn’t think it would be efficient to drop off then return, so we took the opportunity to go grocery shopping and to take the two little kids to a playground. I feel so lucky that there are so many parks and playgrounds in our area. You can often find one (or two or three) within a 10 or 15 minute drive of wherever you are in our part of our county. So if ever we need to kill some time, going to a playground is usually a good solution. I’m also grateful that the kids still like playgrounds.

-Not quite getting rid of my car yet. Our van had to go into the shop and we were down one car for a week, so I ended up driving my 20 year old car while my husband drove the Impreza until the van was fixed. I know we are lucky to have three cars for situations like this – even if one car is 12 years old and the other car is 20 years old. Part of me thinks, maybe we don’t need to get rid of my car – it’s good to have an extra car for instances like this. But it is silly and expensive and hard to justify keeping a third car for emergencies when we live a 10 minute walk to public transportation.

Looking forward to:
-Hallowe’en. I’m not working on Hallowe’en this year, so I get to take the kids trick or treating. The costumes have all been chosen. There were some last minute changes, but I stuck firm that I wasn’t making different Hallowe’en costumes, so any changes had to be able to be sourced/purchased.

-Starting rehearsals. We’ve been prepping for the start of rehearsals. It’s always exciting to learn a new score and wrap my brain around new sets and costumes (well, new to me – the costumes are rented and the set takes parts of previous shows and uses them together). At a certain point, however, I am itching to move from the show being in my head to see how it is going to get up on its feet, to see what the singers and creative team is like, to hear the music sung by real live people.

-Soup Party! I’ve organized a soup party for my department at work. I’m excited – and the weather is just starting to turn chilly enough for soup weather. I think I’ll make Chinese corn soup – it’s easy to put together and very tasty. Not sure if I’ll make it vegan (tofu instead of eggs).

-Just started these two books:

In busy seasons, I try to find books that are fun to read and engagingly written right off the bat, and these two books are that, in very different ways. One is about navigating puberty- it gives the science behind the changes that happen and also gives ideas on how to kids about the changes in a wonderfully non-judgmental way.. The other book is a love story that straddles two eras.

What We Ate:
Monday: Pasta Salad. Made before I went to work in the afternoon. Jenny Rosenstrach’s marinated beans, pasta, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers. Vegan.

Tuesday: Soba and herb salad with roasted eggplants and plums. This was simpler than it sounds, but boy was it tasty. I ate it for leftovers the rest of the week. Vegan.

Wednesday: Leftover pizza from the 5 year old’s birthday party.

Thursday: Leftovers

Friday: pizza (take out) and Glee

Saturday: The 12 year old was at a birthday party. The husband and I weren’t terribly hungry after a big lunch, so we didn’t eat, but we did buy the two little kids a sandwich to split from the grocery store.

Sunday: Leftovers for me. Yogurt with berries and honey. Toast (again) – PB&J on English muffins for one kid, melted cheese on English muffins for the other kid. Cut up veggies on the side.

How is your October going so far?

Twenty fun facts about me

At my current company, on the first day of rehearsal, we all go around the room and introduce ourselves, and are asked to say our name, position, how long we’ve been with the company, and one “fun fact” about ourselves. (For the record the first few answers: Diane, [Assistant] Stage Manager, since 2003.) The last time we did this, I was struck with a bit of panic over the fun fact, and ended up saying, “I have three kids and a very supportive Husband.” Kids and pets seem to be a popular topic for people’s “fun fact”. But… I don’t love the idea of my fun fact being that I have three kids. While I’m all for visibly parenting in the workplace, but it’s not the first bit of information I like to offer up. Also I struggle with identifying myself as a “mother” – one of those existential questions I have for myself in moments when I have the luxury of existential thinking.

Ironically, when I’m in a non-work environment, my fun fact often is “I’m an opera stage manager.” People seem to be really fascinated by this. However, when I’m at work, it’s not really a usable fun fact.

Anyhow, after that particular first day of rehearsal, I had this text exchange with my Husband.

Hmmmm…

Well, in an effort that my fun fact not be that I have three kids, I’ve decided to brainstorm a couple more to have on hand:

1. “Diane” is not actually the name on my birth certificate.

2. I broke the County triple jump record in my age group when I was in grade six

3. I eat almost anything except watermelon Jolly Ranchers

4. I can shuck an oyster with a butter knife

5. I have a twenty year old sourdough starter named Seymour.

6. When I was ten, I fell out of a tree and broke my right arm. As I was right handed I thought I would get out of doing school work. My parents just made me learn to write with my left hand.

7. I was one of only three Asian kids in my elementary school. The other two were a boy in my class named Preetam Sengupta and my brother.

8. I met the Husband at a contradance.

9. I still use my red L.L. Bean backpack from college.

10. In high school, there was one of those fundraisers on Valentine’s day where you could take a quiz and a computer would match you up with classmate. (Also what an awkward idea!). I was matched with my brother. He ate my match form.

11. I played varsity badminton in high school.

12. The first romance novel I ever read was called Champagne and Roses, snuck off my parent’s bookshelf. It was about this middle aged mother whose husband leaves her for his secretary so she starts a catering business and ends up with a hot French guy. (okay, this one might not be one I share at work)

13. I have six toenails on each foot.

14. I was born in Nova Scotia. Yes, I’m a Canadian. Except my passport is expired… so am I still?

15. In college, I hosted a classical music radio program at 5am on Wednesday mornings.

16. We were once investigated by Child Welfare Services. (Okay, this might also not be one suitable for work.)

17. I have a very large bass case. No bass, just the case. No I don’t play the bass.

18. I have eaten mongoose on a mountainside restaurant in Taiwan.

19. During the pandemic, I pumped and donated 657 ounces of breastmilk to the King’s Daughter’s Milk Bank.

20. My favorite number is 17 in French. I just like how it sounds.

That was actually quite a struggle. Maybe I have more in me somewhere. Or maybe I need to create more fun facts in my life. I have been wanting to learn how to juggle….

What is your go to fun fact about yourself?

On not saying good-bye

Last week I heard of the passing of yet another opera colleague. Not one that knew personally, but one who I know touched the lives of so many people and of whom many glowing things were spoken. The composer Carlisle Floyd also passed away in the last days of September. His opera Susannah was the first show I called as an AGMA stage manager. I loved that piece – beautiful and darkly dramatic. Kind of like a Tosca for our age. A “shabby little shocker” and a great evening at the theatre.

A few weeks prior, I heard of the passing of a beloved director with whom I had worked with many times. A wonderful gentleman who loved life and drama and met it with kindness, generosity and a twinkle in his eye. From him I learned that the relationship between the artist and the audience is one of humility and gratitude and never to take for granted the privilege we have of being able to tell stories for a living.

I’ve always hated opening night parties and closing night parties. After opening nights, the director and design team leaves and you have to say good-bye. And then again on closing night you say good-bye to the cast and crew. I am wretched at saying good-bye. It always feels uncomfortable and makes me self-conscious. I work at a job where saying good-bye and moving on is a certainty – so why is there so much sentimentality for something that is just part of the job? On the other hand I think creating something forms bonds and properly saying good-bye honors that in a way. At any rate, I’ve taken to trying not to say good-bye. I say, “Until next time.”

This morning I went on a bright autumn walk with a friend. She is a former opera colleague, and we got to talk about the recent deaths of beloved industry colleagues. “The thing I think that is the hardest,” I said, “is that one of the joys of our profession is the idea of ‘until we meet again’. You never know when you will work together, but you have faith that paths will cross and art will be made. And now, there are so many people that we know we will never work with them again. It’s even more hard particularly right now when we’ve waited so long for even the possibility of working with them again.”

The pandemic – and life during the pandemic – has taken so many lives since March of 2020. There is something so very raw and personal, though, about the passings of these last few weeks. Maybe it’s because they were people whom I had a connection with, that I still held out hope of working with. Maybe it’s because after a year and a half of colleagues and collaborators being so distant, we are finally emerging to come together again in rehearsal rooms, familiarly and with new precautions. And that emergence had brought the glimmer of possibility that those relationships that had been banked will now be able to be stoked and rekindled.

Many of my colleagues in the arts have managed to work through the pandemic. They’ve brilliantly embraced technology and health and safety protocols to create on their own and with other people. I’ve enjoyed seeing many of their efforts and held their tenacity to our art with awe and a little bit of jealousy. But aside from seven weeks this summer, I have felt too overwhelmed with the fires on the domestic front to contemplate looking for work in this new pandemic cautious world.

As I’ve watched these projects scroll across my social media feeds, I’ve been happy for those that manage to still create and support creators. And I’ve known that yes, someday, I would be able to get back out there too, and thought, wouldn’t it be cool to work with those people too? And that possibility brought a hopeful buoyancy to that part of me that loved my job and what we do. While I am struck with the loss of future collaborations, I know that there will be many more to come. Yet still, I grieve those who will no longer be with us when the curtain goes up again.