opening night – Life Off Headset

Weekly recap + what we ate: Halloween and Opening Night

Another show opened! Yay. That feeling of relief and achievement and being able to get back to the rest of life.

Through the brilliance of opera scheduling, we had Halloween night off from rehearsals and performances. I took the kids over to a friend’s house to trick or treat since our own street is pretty quiet. The Husband stayed home to pass out candy, though I don’t think we had anyone come to our door. He’d been solo parenting in the evening for over a week now and thoroughly deserved a night to himself.

I only got one picture of the kids in their Hallowe’en Costumes:

Back in August, I had told all the kids that if they wanted me to make their costumes, the designs had to be in by the end of September since I would be in tech the week before Hallowe’en and unavailable for costume construction. The oldest wanted to be “The Taylor Swift House.” Which was not a reference I understood. To which her response was, “Why can’t you just Google it yourself!?!?!” There was probably an eye roll in there as well. At any rate, I’m sure I could have Googled it, but I wasn’t going to put effort into it if she wasn’t going to, so I left her to her own devices. Then a couple days before Hallowe’en – she woke me up on morning waving a piece of paper, saying, “I’ve designed a house!” She decided just to be a house. Of course it was the weekend before Hallowe’en, and not on my to do list. The Husband went out and bought her two pieces of plastic sheeting and a bunch of markers and she made the costume herself. I wish I got a picture of the back because the rooms she drew were amazingly detailed. I did attach the straps for her, though if I were to do it again, I would not use hot glue. The hot glue did not hold and half way through the evening, the straps came off and she just held the costume up for the remainder of the evening.

The 6 year old wanted to be a builder. I was initially going to make him a cardboard truck to be part of his costume, but then I saw Kiwi Co. makes kits where you can make an excavator arm – a working excavator arm – and attach it to a box. Well, that was much cooler than anything I could make on my own, so I ordered the kit. The morning of our first orchestra tech rehearsal, I got up at 6am to put together this cardboard excavator arm with the “help” of the children before going into work. You know when you roll into work at 10:30am and everyone else looks like they just got out of bed and are saying how tired they are and how early they had to get up to get to the theatre by 10:30am, and you don’t want to say anything because there is no competitive suffering in opera, but really you were up at 6am making a freaking cardboard excavator so they can all shove it, but you don’t really say that… ? Just me? Never mind. Anyhow, the excavator arm was every bit as cool as I had hoped.

The 4 year old made it easy and just pulled the astronaut suit from the dress up clothes and called it a day. It was brilliant because she could also wear the NASA bomber jacket that my father had given the 6 year old, and was toasty warm all evening. Or would have been except at one point she declared that she was hot and took it off.

It actually turned out quite chilly on Thanksgiving. This after a weekend of 75/80 degree weather. I think the cold discouraged people from staying out very long. By the time 8pm rolled around, the streets were pretty empty. We went back to my friend’s house, where we had some turkey chili and minestrone soup for dinner and the kids traded candy. Then I took the kids home and we watched It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with the Husband while we sorted the candy. By “we” I really meant “me.” The little kids didn’t quite understand the joy of candy sorting. An added bonus of the candy sorting was that I used it as an opportunity to combine the two little kids’ candy and then let them pick 30 pieces to eat and there was no jealous cries of “That’s my candy!” The rest of their candy, I put in a bag and set aside. By which I mean, I set aside so I can eat it myself. I feel like I can probably get away with taking all my kids’ candy for another year or so before they wise up and realize that I’m doing that. Case in point, the 11 year old who would not let me near her candy and sorted her piles on the other side of the room.

One thing I love is that the 11 year old always gives her 100 Grands to the Husband. In fact, if she ever is given the option to choose candy from a bowl and there is a 100 Grand, she will almost always choose that one, “For daddy,” she says.

The day after Hallowe’en was a day off of school for the two kids in public school. I think it was just a fluke of scheduling; it was an end of quarter grading day for the teachers. Fluke though it might have been, it was kind of brilliant. The kids could stay up late the night before and sleep in the next day. Only they couldn’t sleep in because the day after Hallowe’en was a Wednesday and the kids have back to back piano lessons starting at 7:15am on Wednesday. Gotta admit that was a tough lesson to get them to. If i had had more foresight, I probably would have cancelled for the week, but I am very much a slave to scheduled routines and didn’t even think about cancelling. But after that, the kids got to lounge around the house the rest of the day while the Husband worked from home and I went to rehearsal.

After rehearsal on that Wednesday, I took the 11 year old to participate in a study at the nearby University. When she was a couple months old, I saw a flyer for the University’s Child Development Center saying they needed babies and children to participate in studies. I wasn’t working at the time, so I thought it would be fun to do, and for the first few years of our kids’ lives we participated in three or four studies a year. Some of them paid, some of them didn’t but I always thought it fascinating to go to them. I think one of my favorite studies is the one from Gallaudet University which centered around a robot they were making that could communicate with deaf people – they wanted both hearing and hearing impaired babies to interact with the robot. When the youngest was four months old, I signed up for a study that involved putting her in an MRI machine – that one was kind of a disaster because we had to go during her bedtime so they could swaddle her and cover her ears to go into the machine while asleep, but she kept waking up once in the MRI machine and so we eventually gave up on that one. Anyhow, when people ask for things to do with one’s baby, I always suggest participating in research studies as a fun way to get out of the house.

The 11 year old had been feeling left out because her younger siblings were always being asked to be in studies, but she wasn’t. I don’t know if it’s because there are fewer people researching preteens? Or just in our area? So when an opportunity for a study for children 8-12, I signed up the eleven year old to go. It was a study about mother child interactions and anxiety and involved filling out a survey prior to the lab visit and then the lab visit where we wore eye trackers while participating in simulated conversations based on topics the researchers prompted. The study visit took 90 minutes and at the end we were $50 richer and the 11 year old got some sparkly gel pens. Afterwards I took her out for BBQ, which was nice because I’ve been feeling like we haven’t been getting a lot of mother-daughter time.

Random musings:

I just spent $80 on pads and hair ties for myself and my daughters. Now I know that pads and hair ties are not solely the domain of women/girls, but given that the majority of people who menstruate and/or have long hair seem to be female, I feel like I was just hit with some kind of penalty for being female and having daughters. I guess, men get their hair cut more so have to pay that expense more often? But in truth, my Husband’s hair cut costs about a quarter on mine, so it doesn’t seem to even out at all.

Also- Daylight Saving Time after Opening Night seems like a good idea. I got to feel like I slept in on Sunday morning. I had all sorts of thoughts as to what I would want to do with my gained hour. It involved aspirations of reading, and journaling and yoga. Yeah nope. In reality it just involved sleep. of course I didn’t get home until nearly 2am after the opening night party, so sleep would seem to be the best use of my gained hour.

I came home one day to find this in our yard:

A new tree! Earlier this year the county had taken down a tree in front of our house because it was not quite alive and also because it posed a hazard to the electrical lines above. I guess they have now replaced the tree. I’m not even sure what kind of tree it is, but it’s kind of exciting to have a new tree, to think about how big it will get. To wonder if it too will one day be cut down because it is growing into the power lines, or if by then all the powerlines will be underground…

More Fall Fashion:
I’ve posted before on how much I love dressing for fall, so I thought I’d do another mini fall fashion post. One day, I put on this outfit:

The 11 year old took this picture and was very specific that my hand had to be on the doorknob.

The outfit is a grey plaid flannel button down from Uniqlo, a dress from Wool&, black leggings, the “not for Amsterdam” blue boots, and a knit hat that was a present from my sister in law. The Wool& dress I bought this year and it quickly became one of my most worn garments – I’ve worn it at least twice a week since April. It’s not a terribly interesting dress, but it layers well and can be worn in many different combinations. Anyhow, I put on this outfit and the six year old said, “You look like a teenager.” Not at all sure what that means.

So I added my favorite and ubiquitous Uniqlo puffer vest:

And the six year old said, “Now you look like a mom!” Hmmm…. When I first got my puffer vest six or seven years ago, I did kind of feel like I was falling into a suburban mom cliche, but… but but… it is such a practical piece of clothing – keeps me warm without being bulky, and I can throw it on over anything. I might look like a mom cliche, but at least I’m not cold.

(On an incidental note – you see all that wood paneling? That is in our foyer. This wood paneling is 85% of my living room window treatment dilemma. I would love to have natural woven or bamboo blinds in the living room. But the living room is directly off of this foyer and I just can’t picture whether or not having bamboo blinds will clash with all that wood paneling in the foyer. Like whether or not the vintage/mid century vibe of the foyer needs to dictate the window treatment of the living room and whether bamboo blinds are too beachy for the vibe our foyer gives off…. this is something I’ve been pondering for over a year now. Opinions welcome.)

Grateful for:
– The Assistant Stage Managers, who are my eyes on stage and backstage when I’m too busy calling cues to look up, and the Assistant Director who, for me, is the real soul of this show. Getting to opening always is the work of many and having good ASMs and a great AD to share an office with is foundational to me getting where the show needs to go.

-The Husband, as always, for holding down the fort. For making dinner, picking up the kids, putting them to bed, laundry, keeping the house clean… all of it. Tech week is always a lot of hours away from home, but this fall, seems harder than normal. I think I’m still trying to balance some new responsibilities at work with the parts of the job I’ve always done and I haven’t quite figured out how to spread my time yet so I’m at work a lot more and I’m bringing home work to do a lot more than I used to. It’s been rough. There will never be a tech week where I’m not grateful for the Husband, but this tech period, I feel like has been particularly demanding.

– Bike store by work. Two weeks ago, I had ridden my bike to work and ended up leaving it there because it was dark when I got off work and I don’t have lights for the bike. Well, I finally went back to pick it up on my day off last week only to find the front tire had gotten flat. This was super discouraging because I had decided not to go running that morning because I knew I was going to be biking home later that day. The I remembered that there was a bike shop four or five blocks from work, so I wheeled my sad limpy bike there. Only to find a note on the door, “We’re moving!” and it listed a new address along with their re-opening date which, luckily, was the day before. So I wheeled my sad limpy bike down four more blocks to the bike store. I feel very ignorant about bikes – I want to be able to do my own maintenance, but I never got around to learning how to do it. At any rate, the technician at the bike store put my bike up on the rack and took the inner tube out, checked it for holes, found a hole on a seam, which indicated that it was just a bad innertube, but the still checked the tire for pointy bits anyway, then replaced the innertube while answering questions about training wheels, and I was soon on my way home. It was the best $25 I spent all week.

– County Rec Program. I signed up the 6 year old and 4 year old for a new session of skating lessons and while I did, I thought how awesome it is that they can take 6 weeks of skating lessons + a card for 6 admissions to open skate, all for $114. The expense of kids activities can really build up, so I’m grateful that we have access to really great, relatively low cost, activities through the county program. Our tax dollars at work, I guess.

-Guavas in the mail. My parents sent us a box of guavas from the tree in their yard. I love guavas – the rest of the family not so much. I guess they don’t appreciate the crunchy, sweet, and tropical taste. Yippeee, more for me! There were a few days when I realized that we were low on fruit in the house, but because we had these guavas, I could pack the apples for my kids and take the guavas myself and we would get through another couple of days without a grocery run.

Looking forward to:

– planning meals and cooking again. I haven’t made dinner in a long long long time. I got this cookbook from the library and I’m really excited about the recipes in it:

Hetty Lui McKinnon wrote To Asia With Love, which is another cookbook I’ve loved this year. This book is already overdue, but I’m hoping to sneak a few recipes out before the Library starts banging on my door asking for it back. There is a mushroom ragout that looks amazing, and a butternut squash lasagna that uses butternut squash in place of noodles. Which is fortunate because my Hungry Harvest box came with 4 butternut squashes this week.

– evenings not at the theatre. Evenings and bedtime is a slog, but I miss that routine and being able to snuggle at night.

-The 11 year old’s school play. She’s been working so hard learning her lines; I’m excited to see the lines in context. (This actually just happened – it was fun!)

What we ate: once again, I couldn’t say.

There was some kind of tofu/noodle/ thai-ish stir fry. The leftovers of which I accidentally three out because I thought it was the leftover Thai food that made me sick and had me vomiting at work one day. But it wasn’t and now I’m sad I didn’t get to eat any of my Husband’s yummy cooking.

There was an eat down the freezer meal- a handful of this, a handful of that to finish off some nearly empty packages in the freezer. From the Husband’s account it was something like six dumplings and a handful of tater tots.

There was a pizza and movie night, but I’m not at all sure what they watched.

Weekly recap + what I ate: solo week and opening night!

I opened another show last week. Yay. The opening night show was not flawless – there was a curtain that had to be hung at intermission and we just couldn’t get it to line up as it should so we had to take it down and re-hang it three times and intermission ran long while we did this. The audience loved that, however. They came back from intermission to see us trying to fix the issue and as intermission stretched one, two, three, four.. minutes beyond expected, there was a palpable tension in the air. Every time we tried to close the curtain, I could feel the audience hold their breath, and when it didn’t work, there was a large groan of disappointment. And then when we finally got the curtain hung correctly, there was a huge burst of applause!

Prop Table ready for the start of the show! I tired something new and taped the prop list to the wall above the table. and it seemed to work well.

Tech Week: Tech week itself went fairly smoothly. I was not great about going to bed right as soon as I got home because I found that when I got home I still was faced with a stack of dirty dishes and enticing books and inviting snacks. On the other hand, I did get to sleep in (by which I mean 8:30am) in the morning since I didn’t have to be up with the kids, so sleep-wise things weren’t so bad.

Tech steps average: 14, 490 steps/ day.

Annapolis: A good friend of mine was passing through town on the Monday Juneteenth holiday so I picked her up from the train station and we decided to spend the day exploring Annapolis. I had only been to Annapolis once or twice for the boat show, and it had been many many years, so I was happy for the opportunity to visit again. One of hiking books featured a walk around historic Annapolis, so we decided to do that. Our trip to Annapolis started off with the elation of free parking. I completely understand how parking is dicatated by so much more than my need for a place to put my car, but it still irks me to have to pay for it. But since we only had a couple hours in Annapolis, I decided to put the car in a garage and just pay for parking. And then on the way to pay, I saw this sign:

Scoring free parking always makes me feel like that day is going well. (And I know I’m probably upsetting some balance of economics and city planning, but…) First stop – we had lunch and then visited a hat store.

I had lost my sunhat last year and was looking for a new one. I particularly wanted one with a large brim and which I could pack. This hat store had some veeerry fancy hats- there was a cream and navy striped hat that I loved, but for the price, I couldn’t bring myself to buy a hat that would show dirt and couldn’t be tossed in the washing machine. I decided upon a red hat- my favorite colour!

We then took this walking tour from my hiking book – Best Day Hikes Near Washington, DC. Now a city stroll isn’t what I would typically categorize as a hike, but why not? The walking tour first took us by the Maryland State House – the oldest state house still in use in the U.S. In front of the State House was a statue of Thurgood Marshall, whom I didn’t realize was from Maryland. It was such an odd juxtaposition to see the construction cranes against the colonial architecture of the State House. I didn’t grow up in Maryland and it struck me that my kids will probably learn about Maryland state history and know more about this state than I do. I hear that a visit to the State House is something almost every middle schooler will do.

Thurgood Marshall statue. Also – that dome on top of the state house is the oldest wooden dome in the country.

The walking tour next took us through St. Johns University where we discovered a small art museum, the Mitchell Art Museum. The current exhibition was of African American art from the collection of Alitash Kebede, an art collector based in Los Angeles. It was a varied and thoughtful exhibit and one of the highlights of our walk. How wonderfully serendipitous to just stumble across this museum, and it also made for a nice break from the heat.

We continued on and saw historic row houses:

I can’t resist a good boot scraper. I love such period details that survive through the years:

More 18th century buildings:

Mural:

The walking tour ended up at City Dock where we could see boats sailing to and fro across the Chesapeake Bay. We ended up at a coffeeshop on the dock, Bitty and Beau’s, which was recommended by a friend. I don’t drink coffee, but I’m always happy to pick up beans for the Husband:

Each bag of coffee came with a postcard with a handwritten note on the back. Bitty and Beau’s was started by a couple who wanted to provide employment opportunities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

And then we stopped for ice cream, where I saw this sign:

And then it was time to take my friend to meet up with her family and I headed home. All in all, a very nice day trip. We didn’t even get to the Naval Academy or the Maritime Museum, but I’m looking forward to being back.

The solo week. While the Husband and children were off in Chicago, I was at home trying to wrap my head around how different (yet in certain parts the same) life was like without the Husband or kids.

There were moments like me eating watermelon at 11pm at night because I cut up too much and now the tupperware lid won’t close and now I remember why we never buy watermelon – because it is such a hassle to put into the fridge. A whole watermelon is for sure not a single person endeavor.

There was laying my yoga mat out at the beginning of the week, and leaving it out all week.

There was getting to read while eating, even though it’s something I tell the kids not to do. (I’m re-thinking this now… maybe we can have books at the table for weekend lunches? Reading while eating feels like such an indulgent action, in that it revels in the solitary and almost meditative aspect of a meal rather than the social.)

Lunch on my own: pan fried tempeh, roasted zucchini with chimichurri on a bagel, salted mango salad and a Bronte biography.

There was cleaning out the fridge and reclaiming a dishwasher full of Tupperware from whatever horrific fuzzy former food matter I had stuffed in there an unspeakable number of months ago. I am a leftover food optimist. It doesn’t always work out well.

There was me spooking myself out being all alone at home and not wanting to go into the basement at night. One night I got home from work and I thought I’d just throw in a load of laundry, but then paused at the top of the stairs to the basement, hyper-aware of all the creaks and groans of a house at midnight. Or maybe, my over active imagination said, the creaks and groans of a serial killer hiding among the overflow Tupperware bin. And then I decided to just leave the laundry for the next morning. (Fun fact -when I was growing up, I was convinced that D.B. Cooper – you know that guy who jumped from a plane somewhere over the Rockies in the 70s with a butt load of money and was never seen again – was living in our basement and refused to go down there by myself at night. Of course I never told my parents that was why. I just made up excuses. But then I told my brother and he was merciless and teased me about it all. the. time. Older brother. They can really suck.)

There was going through all the kids’ drawers and organizing their clothes – taming the unorganized explosion of clothes, the lack of specificity in storage. Hooray – now there is a place of underwear, a place for t-shirts, a place for shorts, etc. I’m hopeful that the clothes stay organized, but I don’t know that I’m holding out much hope. The children don’t seem to value having each of their drawers/bins designated for specific clothing types the way that I do. Will this appreciation for sartorial organization come with age?

There was further development in kids’ clothing – I went through all the clothes piled in the guest room and packed clothes away in labelled bins for future use. Even though I’m normally a clothes hoarder, this time I was pretty ruthless about not keeping clothes that I had no interest in putting on my kids. The cute button down shirts. The corduroy pants with buttons and zippers. The pants with drawstrings to keep them up. Love the idea, can’t imagine wanting to spend the time putting my kids in them. Or my kids having the ability to hold their pee while they try to get those pants off. Anything slightly stained, I threw out. This was a big step for my “Oh but they could use them for play clothes” inner voice. “Or for painting their bedroom.” I firmly told that inner voice that 1) all clothes are play clothes, no need to keep dingy and stained clothes just for this, and 2) Seriously? In what world are my kids ever going to be painting their bedroom. Disappointingly, the house does not look more uncluttered for all my work culling a decade of kids’ clothes. I think because these clothes are usually stuffed in closets or behind closed doors, I wouldn’t have seem them anyway and thus did not clock the clothes as a mess. The mess at times is more an emotional burden than a spatial one. Though in the case of the guest room, it certainly is the latter. The clothes are organized, but my house is nowhere near being closer to whatever Pinterest/shelter magazine/influencer minimalism that seems the ideal.

Seven bins of clothes ready to go into the attic until the next child needs them.

There was the night where at 9pm I decided I wanted to bake, so I stayed up and made soy sauce brownies and black sesame banana bread from Hetty McKinnon’s cookbook To Asia With Love.

There was taking myself to a community festival – the One Journey Festival that celebrated refugees and their stories and contributions. I bought Turkish towels from a vendor, enjoyed African food from a food truck, and sat and listened to musicians from Africa and Afghanistan perform. The Festival was on the grounds of the Washington National Cathedral. I think I visited the grounds once before when I first came to DC almost twenty years ago. Between musical acts, I strolled the gardens and there was a wooded trail nearby, though it was a little too buggy for me to to linger.

It was interesting going to a festival on my own – this is the kind of thing that I usually bring the kids to, and I would encourage them to take part in the community art project and to dance to the live band. I really shouldn’t use my kids as a reason to take part in these things, yet somehow, going on my own, I felt a little self conscious about participating. It was a silly hang up, really. Art and dancing – expressions of creativity and exuberance – aren’t just for children. I felt a little jealous of the adults that I saw who participated whole-heartedly and didn’t just sit and watch.

All in all, a full week. Curiously, I didn’t feel like I had a lot more free time than when the kids were home. Freedom, yes, but not time. Half way through the week, I realized that I so far had done a load of laundry every. single. day. The kids were gone but I was still doing daily laundry. And it was their laundry. What the what?!? The house still had to be picked up, I still had to make and eat food, I still had to go to work.

And then I realized… when the Husband is home, I have someone who splits the housework – actually someone who probably in fairness does more of the housework than I do. I think it’s a testament to how much he does that when he was gone, I didn’t feel like I gained that much time. I did sleep more – like 6-7 hours rather than 5 hours. I could do 30 mins of yoga in the morning rather than 10- which is fine; any yoga practice longer than that and I get restless. And I did read more. The mornings did feel more luxurious without a bus to catch or three lunches to pack.

But the bonus projects I took on that took more time- going through the kids’ clothes in the guest room, the One Journey festival, dinner with a friend, baking- these are things I could have done, or would have done and often do, with the kids. And the things I didn’t get done – mostly life admin things, but also blogging – these things are things I struggled to fit in regardless. Which all in all made me think that really my struggle with these tasks is not about time but about managing priorities and life inertia. Not to say one thing is more important than the other – well, maybe paying the bills is more important than finishing that book – but rather the tasks that require me to sit down at a computer and just crank things out are less appealing when I have a juicy novel in front of me. I do like writing, but actually turning on the computer always seems to take so much more effort to me than just picking up my book (or, let’s be honest, scrolling.) Knocking out a to do list requires more motivation than just kid free time I’m discovering.

I think the other place where I found space during my solo week was mentally. I didn’t quite realize how much mental space living with other people takes until I didn’t have to constantly be thinking about what the other people in my life needed on an every day level. I didn’t have to do the calculus of “do the dishes now” vs. “do the dishes later” because no one was coming to use the kitchen after me so I could just “do the dishes later” without even thinking about it. I didn’t have to think, “What will they want to eat?” or “Is someone going to be annoyed if I leave this tote bag there?” or “Do I need to intervene?” or “Do I have to pick them up or can someone else?” or “Is it worth the temper tantrum to insist on that?” or “Should I read my book or read to my kid?” When the only one who cares about what I do is myself, it feels like decisions are easier.

Mini Rant of the Week: Shorts for kids. I had to grab the 11 year old some shorts before she left on this trip. So I went to the Mall, thinking I’d just stop by JC Penny and grab some shorts. I will say that had some really great leggings marked down to $5, so I grabbed a pair of those. But the shorts.. man. Everything I could find in the Girls’ section was itty bitty short. Like in danger of flashing underwear short. “Okay,” I thought, “I’ll just buy her shorts from the Boys’ Department.” Which I do often because sometimes the boys’ stuff is sturdier and the pockets are just better. But everything in the boys’ section was these polyester athletic shorts with like a 10″ inseam. Is there no such thing as a nice 5″ inseam anymore? Or maybe this is a JCP specific issue? I didn’t really have time to go to all the stores, so I bought the boys athletic shorts, a pair of leggings and a couple shorts from the ladies section for the 11 year old to try. But the lack of what I would deem is a regular inseam length for shorts… baffles me.

(Also – when do I stop shopping in the girls’ section. What is after that and before Women’s? I do shop in the women’s for the 11 year old once in a while- the XS fits her okay.)

(Also – I bought new water bottles and socks for the kids in anticipation of summer camp because the current supply of both water bottles and socks, is mismatched and grimy. And wow… do the kids never stop needing things to be replaced/replenishes/restocked? Always something.)

Thing of Beauty of the Week: I packed both the little kids in one suitcase. Since we weren’t sure if there would be laundry, I packed seven outfits for each kid. The Husband must have been impressed because he sent me a picture of the suitcase upon arrival:

Listening to:
The 2022 podcast Sold A Story: How Teaching Kids to Read Went So Wrong, details the story of reading instruction in the U.S. and how one of the predominant methods currently being used is scientifically proven to be flawed yet still is implemented. I learned to read at an early age and took for granted the ability to look at letters on a page and sound them out. The 11 year old was not an early reader, and actually a little behind her peers. I remember when she was in kindergarten thinking, “Wow there are certainly a lot of strategies being taught on how to figure out what a word is.” But it turns out, according to Sold a Story, that a lot of these strategies, mostly revolving around context clues, don’t actually teach a kid to read. In fact, they are what kids rely on when they can’t read. Listening to this podcast was kind of eye-opening to me – it really made the things that bothered me about the 11 year old’s reading journey make sense. The six year old more or less is figuring out on his own how to read, and I am pretty sure it isn’t through context clues. I’m really interested to see how the baby learns, and after listening to this podcast, I feel like I know how I would prefer to support her. This podcast was fascinating.

Also this On Being episode with Vivek Murthy about the need for love and compassion and connection in our world. So many wise thoughts. My favorite quote:
“When we come into this world — as I see with my own kids, and many of you may have seen with other young people in your lives — we are content. My kids don’t care whether we have a big house or a small house. They don’t care about how fancy the clothes are that they wear or not. They care about finding moments of joy. They care about the relationships they have with the people around them.”
Another thing that stuck with me was how Murthy talks about the pandemic of loneliness – something that was indeed magnified by the pandemic. He offers four suggestions on how individuals can create a world with more connection:
1) spend 15 minutes a day connecting with someone you care about (who doesn’t live with you.)
2) give people your full attention when talking to each other.
3) find opportunities for service as this helps connect you with other people but also with your own values.
4) counterintuitively, find time for solitude because in solitude you can rediscover yourself, and connecting with yourself is important for connecting with other people.
I don’t care to put myself on the introvert/extrovert spectrum because I feel like for me, it’s not one or the other, but I do know that I get deep satisfaction from interacting with other people. I’m always hesitant to reach out to other people, but I’m always glad when I do and this podcast episode was a good reminder to reach out more.

Grateful For:
– The Husband for taking the kids away. A ten hour road trip with three kids… not for the faint of heart, but he went and he made sure the kids had a great time. They went to the Aquarium, did the architectural boat tour, visited the Bean. Also, he sent me this hilarious text exchange:

“Why Thank you, Husband, for sparing me a trip to the American Girl Store!”

– The Husband’s Garden. Since the Husband wasn’t home, I mowed the lawn and watered the garden. I will fully admit that I am a spectator in the backyard – I don’t have any interest in getting my hands into gardening or landscaping or what not. My interaction with the garden is pretty much limited to cooking the vegetables that he grows. As I was watering the garden, though, I noticed how thoughtful he is about the plants, and all the little projects that he has going on in his garden. I noticed how colourful and pretty everything looked and I felt really grateful that he put in the effort to make our backyard so green. And I’m also really grateful that these little bits of dirt and growth have given him a hobby and so many hours of not thinking about the kids.

– Our dishwasher. Because when you clean out the fridge, it is a good thing to not have to wash all that science experiment encrusted Tupperware by hand.

Looking Forward To:
– Camping! And Camp Food! I’ve started brainstorming what we’re going to eat on our camping trip to the Shenandoah Mountains. I’ve bought a new cooler and I’m excited to take it camping. I’ve been listening to camping podcasts to also get me excited about three nights in the woods with two little kids.
– A week at home with the six year old. When I realized that this would be a performance week and I would have a lighter work schedule, I decided not to put the six year old in camp and instead he can have Camp Mom – where we go do fun things and go on playdates and spend lots of time outdoors. His sisters will be in school, so we’ll have lots of one on one time, which si something I don’t do enough of.
-The Smithsonian Folklife Festival – starts this weekend. It’s always fun to go down to the Mall and see the exhibits and performances. The theme this year is the Ozarks and also the exploration of the where spirituality and creativity intersect. I used to dismiss this as one of those DC things that made the Mall a crowded madhouse and I’d avoid going, but I’ve come to see what a neat collection of experiences it is. If I ever have the summer free, I would seriously think about volunteering for the Festival.

What I Ate:
Saturday: The leftover Cucumber and Black Bean Salad from last week.

Sunday: I didn’t plan my work day and meals well and as a result did not pack a dinner and was starving by the time I got home from work at 8:30pm. I ate a can of tuna over some cut up cucumbers with hot sauce. And some more leftovers. Sometimes a can of tuna is just the meal I need.

Monday: Whole Roasted Cauliflower and Mashed Beans from Hetty McKinnon’s To Asia with Love. I’ve always wanted to try a whole roasted cauliflower and being home by myself was the perfect time to do it. The family things cauliflower is bland and make faces whenever I propose it. (And then eat it anyway.) The recipe calls for mixing gochujang and yogurt and spreading that over a cauliflower and then roasting it. The roasting turns the yogurt and gochujang into an almost cheesy like spicy layer coating the cauliflower. It was definitely not bland.

Tuesday and Wednesday: Leftovers. Because when home by myself, it’s okay to eat the same thing three nights in a row. (Maybe it would be okay to do this when everyone else is home too, but I feel like it wouldn’t go over as well. We are so spoiled.)

Thursday: Happy Hour with some mom friends. We went to a favorite Mexican restaurant. I ordered the seafood soup, which I always order at the restaurant. It’s this delicious tomato broth based concoction chock full of seafood and flavour. It is delicious. I had it years ago and even though it is no longer on the menu, they will still make it if you ask. (I feel like such a braggy special snowflake for saying, “I just ask for this off menu thing and they make it.” But that’s really how it goes down.). Anyhow, when I got the bill, I realized that the seafood soup is a $38 item. Which I had never realized before because the Husband usually settles the bill when we go out. And I almost had a heart attack to realize that I’ve been eating $38 soup for years. I mean it is kind of understandable – there is half a lobster in this soup. Plus all sorts of other seafood. I told myself that I don’t drink, so ordering the seafood soup is probably an acceptable indulgence when we go out to eat.

Friday: Opening night – I didn’t really have dinner, but I did have some roast beef sliders and these really complicated looking cucumber appetizers at the opening night party.

(bi)Weekly Recap + what we ate: Opening Night and other Miscellaneous things

Another show opened. Woot! Some random thoughts from this month so far:

A few of my tech week MVPs:
– pre-planning my wardrobe and laying out a week’s worth of clothes on Sunday night. I had done this on my Fall show, but had fallen out of the habit the past two shows. I need to remember to do this more often – not having to spend time thinking about what I’m going to wear every morning makes getting dressed go much faster. For some reason, when I have to decide anew every morning what to wear, it takes more time to choose than when I do it on Sunday night.
– Yogurt. I’ve been trying to run or walk on my dinner breaks – I didn’t do as many runs as I usually do, but I did always get outside for at least 30 mins on my dinner break. Of course this meant less time to eat dinner, so I tried to pack things that would be easy and fast to eat. Yogurt was definitely on the “easy and fast” list. I filled a thermos with yogurt, frozen fruit, pecans, chia seeds, and a drizzle of maple syrup. It was a very easy yet filling thing to eat and the thermos kept it cold. At first I felt like yogurt really wasn’t a dinner food, but it actually was pretty filling and got me through the evening rehearsal.
– Amazing colleagues, who are so very good at their jobs that even the hard stuff is not so hard. It’s not always easy, but it’s not so hard that I want to quit.
-The Husband, as always, who holds down the fort, did the after school pick up, fed the kids, took them to basketball practice, and skating lessons, and read to them, and put them to bed. All on his own.

I snapped this picture onstage one day while we were setting lighting cues. It’s the most snow I’ve seen all year. One rehearsal, I found myself standing underneath the snow bags as the snow was coming down and it was the oddest sensation – of being covered in snowflakes but not cold at all.

The most snow I’ve seen all year. Also… it gets into everything.

Tech Week Step Count:
Piano Tech Friday : 22, 475
Piano Dress Saturday: 24, 263
Sitzprobe Sunday: 12, 100
Orchestra Tech Monday: 17, 819
Orchestra Tech Tuesday: 11, 936
Orchestra Tech Wednesday: 15, 948
Final Dress Thursday: 11, 654
(Average of 16, 599 steps/day)

The next weeks will be a little busy because I’ll be in performances for one show while prepping/ rehearsing another show in another part of town. It will be a lot of time in the car, and the commute can be terribly slow, but I’ve started a new audiobook that makes me look forward to getting in the car:

I was looking for an audiobook for my commute and found this on the list of finalists for the 2023 Audie Awards. I’ve never read any Terry Pratchett, and people seem to really love his work, so I thought I’d give it a try. It is proving very funny and layered so far.

Other random ordinary life happenings:

It was Spirit Week for the 5th Grader. I feel somewhat guilty that I’m not the best person at keeping up with the various spirit weeks/ teacher appreciation weeks/etc. at school. I’ll see the email come through and then promptly forget. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the teachers or school spirit, it’s just that these weeks with some specific requirement every. single. day. seems light another kettlebell of mental load that I can’t handle, especially during tech week. I’m glad the 11 year old kept track of Spirit week because I knew it would make her happy to participate but I just couldn’t do it for her. Maybe this is growth? I forget about things so that she can develop a sense of responsibility to remember them? One morning was moustache day and I drew a moustache on her with Sharpie. A few days later, she comes to me with a sock on her hand and says, “It’s sock puppet day today.”

No use getting annoyed at the last minute request for sock puppet help, since I wouldn’t have been home in the evening to help anyway. But we did our best and I think it was pretty cute:

Fun fact – that hat is the hat that the 11 year old came home from the hospital wearing. We didn’t realize that we had to bring clothes to the hospital for our new baby so the nurses had to raid the NICU closet for us.

One day I had the morning off, so I volunteered at Field Day at the six year old’s school. I was put in charge of a volleyball station. Though “volleyball” and “put in charge of” are used very loosely here. It was chaotic – 20-40 kids at a time at my station – and there was lots of yelling of instructions. Also – teachers are amazing. Because they have to do it all. the. time.

A new smoothie shop opened around the corner from the Husband’s work place and they have a papaya smoothie that was very delicious. I discovered this little shop the day that I had to take my car in for a new tire. I had imprudently run up the curb in front of our our house one midnight when I got home from a late rehearsal. Because that’s just what I needed at that hour. Anyhow, the next morning, the Husband helped me change the tire. Also.. I went to open my trunk to get the jack and the spare out, and MY JACK WAS MISSING. What the what?!? You have to dig kind of deep to get to my jack, so I’m completely confounded by this. Or maybe I removed it at some point and couldn’t remember? Anyhow it was a completely bizarre mystery. Spare Tire put on and I went to Firestone to get a new tire. The six year old came with me to Firestone (Thank goodness I had warranty on my tires) and on the way back to the Metro to get home, we saw this new smoothie shop had opened. So we ordered smoothies – berry for him, dragon fruit for me. It was so fresh and tasty that I went back later that week and ordered a papaya smoothie. It sort of reminded me of the Papaya Milk drink that I would get from the Taiwanese drink store back in California. I sat in the spring sunshine in the plaza next to the smoothie shop to drink my papaya smoothie and it was such a wonderful quiet few minutes to myself.

Is there anything more lovely than a special cold beverages, sipped outdoors on a spring-almost-summer day?

There was also Mother’s Day in the mix. I did get to sleep in until 9am. Which was good because I had been up super late the night before at the opening night party. I don’t love going to work parties, because I’m just awkward socially and feel very uncool standing there clutching my Coke while people do suave things like chat with ambassadors and drink champagne. But, I did talk to some nice people – friends of a friend – and there was this amazing cheese spread:

And this was only one tiny corner of the cheese table.

Anyhow, the day after was Mother’s Day. I had a show to work in the afternoon so it didn’t feel very special. I don’t love Mother’s Day – again that whole feeling awkward about the attention thing. The one thing I did ask for Mother’s Day – getting a picture with all my kids – did not happen, so I was a little bummed about that. But the other thing I wanted – to eat dinner outside – that did happen. Granted, it was Chipotle because we had promised the 11 year old Chipotle for an excellent report card, but I still got to enjoy the warm evening. And the kids made a sign for me:

Grateful for:

-Wireless headsets. When I was first starting out in this business, there were no wireless headsets in the theatres where I worked. You got a headset and beltpack which was hard wired into a place in the wall so you either ran the show without a headset – which made it difficult to communicate with your stage manager – or you ran the show attached to this wall, with this really long tail or cable everywhere. Now when I started out I was working in small theatres, so having a wired headset was inconvenient but doable. If you were working in a big theatre, I guess you just ran the show without a headset and everyone just had to trust that things would happen and problems would get solved? It seems so inconceivable to me. Anyhow, we now have wireless headsets and we can roam the backstage and keep in touch with the rest of the stage management team, and I think that’s awesome.

-Our back patio. The weather has tipped into that between spring and summer time when there is longer days but the weather is not yet unbearably hot. My favorite time this time of year is the morning or early evening – when the sun is not at it’s zenith and the weather is slightly cooler – perfect for a light sweater, but okay if not. I love having a back patio and being able to sit back there with my tea in the morning, or a seltzer in the evening. Having a space to be able to enjoy the weather and the fresh air, a little table on which to put my beverage, and a chair to relax in and periodically a book to keep me company – that’s a good time right there.

– My car. And the mechanic who keeps it running. I drive a 2003 Subaru Legacy. It’s not the most fancy car these days, and it certainly has its chronic issues, but it gets me from point A to point B. I know its days are numbered, but I will drive it until it is no longer safe to do so. On my free day week, I took it in for an oil change and to have a belt tightened. My conversation to book the appointment with my mechanic went like this (Also note, we used to have three cars, but now only have two):
Me: I’d like to bring my car in for an oil change.
Mechanic: Yes of course. What is your phone number?
Me: [I tell him]
Mechanic: Oh yes. Which car of your fleet are you bringing in?
Me: The Subaru Legacy.
Mechanic: Oh Yes. The old one.

That made me laugh… I drive “the old one.”

But even still, it’s getting me from point A to point B. And these weeks when I’m working two jobs, I am doing a lot of getting from A to B.

Looking Forward To:
– Grilling with friends and colleagues. One of our traditions at work is to gather for a cookout once in a while and this year will be the first cook out since 2019. There are thirty+ people about to descend on the house. I’ve never hosted that many people before and honestly our yard is not that big. Also… I just realized that this will be more people than were at our wedding. Anyhow I’m hoping it will be pretty low key – grill, chairs, tables, people bring sides/apps/ beer, and we just hang out for an afternoon. Effortless. Easy. Plus, since a good number of them are stage managers, clean up is usually done before I can blink twice and accept the help.

– Summer. I have work booked until mid August this year, so I’ll have to be very purposeful to get some of our usual summer adventures in. It’s a balance, though… since we work six days a week, if I pack the day off with too many adventures, I might not have time to recharge and do the life maintenance things that I need to. But I am looking forward to the pool and outdoor music and hikes and camping and getting on my bike.

-I started watching The Gilded Age, a period drama that came out last year. It is by Julian Fellowes who wrote Downton Abbey and the cast is divine. It features some huge theatrical talents who, from what I understand, were all available for a mini series since COVID had shut down the theatres. I’m only one episode in, but it is proving that same blend of detailed and juicy yet proper that I loved about Downton Abbey. This is my new “while I wash the dishes” incentive.

– Working with a colleague whom I have known for over twenty years, but whom I haven’t seen since 2011. One thing about my work is many people come in and out of my life. Many of the colleagues from the early days when I was just starting out in opera are the most dear to me. We all started out as baby opera makers with big dreams and there is something really bonding about being in that stage of one’s career together. Some of these people are no longer in the industry, some of these people run their own opera companies now – funny the directions life takes you. Whenever we part ways at the end of a gig, I never say good-bye – it’s always, “See you later!” because I believe that our paths will cross again. When we finally do get to work together again, there is a sense of familiarity and growth that brings me so much joy and wonder.

What We Ate: It’s been a few weeks, but the Husband made all the dinners while I was in tech, so not quite so a very vague list…

Monday: Tortilla Soup. This recipe from the Two Sleevers website. Made a couple weeks ago and froze the leftovers. Present Me thanks Past Me for this foresight.

Tuesday: Eggplant Pasta. Vegan. Sautee eggplant with onions in InstantPot, add tomato sauce and pasta on top and cook on high pressure for 15 minutes. I made this to use up an eggplant we had in the fridge. The family was not a fan, but I thought it was perfectly fine. Vegan.

Wednesday: Eggs and leftovers.

Thursday: Take out Sandwiches. Again. This was the night we tried to go to an event at the local park where they had food trucks and live music. The place was swamped and the food trucks couldn’t keep up with the volume of people. Plus it was expensive. I think we paid $20 for 3 plain hotdogs. So we abandoned the park, went to our friends’ house, ordered sandwiches from our favorite deli and ate in the backyard while the kids bounced on their trampoline. I’d say it turned out to be a very nice evening.

Friday: Chana Masala in the Instant Pot. This recipe from the blog Feasting at Home. I thought this was really tasty and I ate it in wraps for lunch for the rest of the week. The family was lukewarm. It might have been because I forgot to turn the IP into “keep warm” and the food was cold by the time they got home.

Saturday: I had leftovers while at work. The family had pizza and movie night. I’m not sure what they watched.

Sunday: Dumplings and leftovers. I was at work and had yogurt for dinner.

Monday: all I have scribbled in my journal is “pasta”…. I think that means the Husband made tortellini and red sauce.

Tuesday: Wings. The Husband ordered wings from one of our favorite places. (Me: leftovers/yogurt at work)

Wednesday: Eggs and Toast. (Me: leftovers at work)

Thursday, Friday, Saturday: Complete Blank. I’m pretty sure the Husband cooked.

Sunday: Mother’s Day and Chipotle.

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