presents – Life Off Headset

Christmas 2022

It was a quiet Christmas at home. This past year, whenever we mention travelling for Christmas, the ten year old says, “No, no, no! I want to be home for Christmas!” She has this whole plan of how Christmas should go:

1) Wake Up.
2) Wait for mom and dad to wake up.
3) Stockings.
4) Cinnamon Buns
5) Presents
6) Play with presents, and laze around the house.
7) Eat Dinner.
8) Watch Meet Me in St. Louis and dessert.

That was more or less what we did.

I was up until about 3am on Christmas eve (I guess technically Christmas Day) prepping dinner. I marinated the lamb leg, chopped all the vegetables, made the batter for the sticky toffee pudding, made the dough for the cinnamon rolls and sweet rolls. I like to make the yeasted things the night before and then put them in the sunroom to rise overnight – it’s cold enough in there that the dough can do a slow rise. Also wrapping presents, and filling the stockings. I was so afraid that the kids would wake up while I was still working in the kitchen and they would ask me if I had seen Santa since the presents were all under the tree and the Husband had eaten Santa’s cookies before he went to bed. Luckily, no one woke up.

Anyhow, because I was up so late the night before, I slept in til about 8am the next morning. The kids were really great about not waking us up when they got up, but I could definitely hear their footsteps and whispers. When I finally did get up, I went downstairs and popped the cinnamon buns in the oven. Then we got down to the business of stockings and presents. I like to go around opening one present at a time, and savoring the opening and the looks of surprise and everyone getting to see what was gifted. I think this usually lasts for about three rounds and then it disintegrates into a frenzy of paper, boxes, and exclamations.

The Husband he said he chose presents for me because he wanted to support my hobbies – In one box I got a variety of safety lights to use while running. Like four or five different kinds. He said he didn’t know what I would like so he just bought a variety. That’s kind of his modus operandi – give Wife lots of options. He also got me some cooking utensils specifically for camping – which I appreciated because I have been just taking things from the kitchen on our camping trip, and then leaving them in the camp box when I get home, and forgetting that I took them, and then spending months afterwards wondering where the grill tongs were. Now I have lightweight tongs just for camping. Also two different kinds of running socks – he actually went to a running store and talked to someone, which is, I think, the real present for me. And then some magnetic cable managers because the kids had gotten into my previous set and pulled the magnets out of them and it made me so mad. This is actually another standard gifting strategy of the Husband’s. Find what makes Wife mad, and fix it. And I guess the biggest present is he got me a National Parks Pass. I’m really excited to use it – I guess I should start planning some ideas! I’ve been told I need to use it four or five times to make it worth it… so challenge accepted!

The kids handed me this Shoe box:

This is the lid – i never got a picture of the whole thing together.

And inside:

Which is hilarious because all week I’ve been seeing them put things in this shoe box and I figured it was just them playing. But they were collecting a present for me. I don’t know if it’s visible, but there is a half eaten peanut butter pretzel in there. The whole thing made me laugh really hard.

After presents, there was lazing around playing with new toys, and reading of new books. Much sugar and carbs were consumed. We FaceTimed with my parents. We had meant to video chat with the Husband’s sister, but she was in England so the timing didn’t work out. I did some packing for our overnight the next day. The Husband and the two littles and I did squeeze in a walk early in the afternoon, which was lovely since the weather was so mild.

The ten year old did not come with us for our walk, as getting out of her pjs is not part of her perfect Christmas plan. I love this picture because it shows her enjoying three of her presents at once, (well, four if you count the pjs): 1) Books, which I had the person at the local bookstore help me choose – something for a ten year old who likes books with “just kissing”, I said, 2) these funny hats my cousin sent from Taiwan – she had a friend bring them back to the US and mail them to us. The hats have ears that flop when you squeeze the long tails, and 3) travel pillow – all the kids got travel pillows in anticipation of our Spring Break Trip.

After our walk, we came home and I made dinner while the Husband and kids watched Elf. I had never made a whole roast lamb leg before, so that was exciting. It turned out really well, and was surprisingly easy. I’ve decided that meat is pretty easy – season/marinade, stick it in oven. Wait. Pull it out when it’s the right temperature. Any success I have with roasting meat I credit to the Thermapen. When we bought it I thought it was a lot of money to spend on a cooking thermometer, but it’s amazing – accurate, fast and easy to use. It’s my secret weapon for never overcooking meat.

Christmas Dinner: Roast Lamb Leg, pan fried broccoli, sweet rolls, scalloped potatoes, butternut squash salad (not the best), and rainbow Jello (aka Salad to my Midwestern Husband). The ten year old made the Jello, and she might not have stirred it all the way til the powder dissolved, which is why it kind of looks like a tsunami. But I figure she will make it at least twice a year (Thanksgiving and Christmas) so she’ll eventually get the hang of it. I love the rainbow Jello more than I let on, though I refuse to call it salad. This Christmas, I was really excited to find blue and purple Jello at the store so we could really have all the rainbow colours in it.

After dinner, we cleaned up, and I made the sauce of the sticky toffee pudding and we went downstairs and watched Meet Me in St. Louis and ate dessert. Which I might have slept through. As I do every year. Probably I’ve seen the whole move by this point, just not all at once. I think staying up late Christmas Eve just makes me ready to crash after Christmas dinner. Everyone else really loves this movie, though – they like to sing, “Meet me in St. Louis, Louis!” while skipping around.

Then it was promptly to bed since we were getting up early and going on a mini road trip the next morning. All in all a lovely quiet day with just the five of us.

Random Notes/Thoughts:

One thing we usually do that we skipped this year was is set up the computer in the dining room so we could track Santa on the NORAD website. We’ve done this the past two years, but this year we went to Christmas Eve service and it felt like we didn’t have time to set up the computer when we got home. I kind of missed doing that. Oh well, next year. (I should put this on my Christmas spreadsheet now!)

Winning presents. I think all the presents were big hits, but there were some stand outs:
– Speak and Spell. The Husband ordered this for the five year old, but all the kids really loved playing with it. I remember my friend had one when we were growing up, but I hadn’t thought about it until the Husband mentioned that he had bought it. The kids loved it. I realized that this is the kind of toy that is probably now replaced by an app on a personal device, so it was kind of nice that they had an analog version to play with. (Interestingly, because the five year old is in a French immersion program, we are told not to teach him how to spell as French letters and sounds are different from English ones. So I was on the fence about whether or not I should let him play with the Speak and Spell. But then I told myself to get over myself and stop overthinking things.)
– Fashion sketchpad for the 10 year old. I’m trying to really lean into the 10 year old’s interests, and lately she has been sketching a lot of dresses. This sketchpad is cool because at the front there are pictures of different styles of sleeves, necklines, skirts, pants, etc. And on the pages are predrawn bodies that you can draw clothes onto. And then, if you photocopy or scan the images, the pre-drawn bodies don’t show up, just what you’ve drawn. I did have a moment where I wondered if I really liked getting the ten year old something that had a limited palette of body types, but then I told myself, again, to stop overthinking things.
–Succulent Subscription (3 months) for the Husband. I saw this on the Modern Mrs. Darcy blog and when the ten year old said she wanted to get the Husband plants for his office, this seemed perfect. Every month he will recieve three succuents in the mail. I had hoped the first shipment would arrive in time for Christmas, but they didn’t so I just printed out a certificate for him.
– Mini packs of Cereal. This was the stocking stuffer win. I got each person a different mini pack of that sugary cereal that we only buy for birthday week – Froot Loops, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms, Apple Jacks. The baby did not understand that her cereal was the one in her stocking and proceeded to open and eat all the cereal.

Oddest gift – The Husband gave the three year old a box of weather stripping. I don’t know what was up with that. I think he had ordered it on Amazon and then realized that she had the least number of presents so wrapped the box. He does like to give “house” presents, which I think is funny and sweet. Of course the three year old didn’t care – she just liked ripping wrapping paper off boxes.

An excerpt from my journal entry from Christmas 2021, an interesting snapshot:
“Good things: Sleeping Queens, Ansel’s Hat, Lawn Mower” [These are presents that we still use/play with, though the plastic bubble blowing lawn mower is falling a part a little]
“Sticky Toffee Pudding. Cornish Game hens. Fine once I cooked them enough.” [And shortly after we bought the Therma pen]
“Buns not rising in time for dinner” [This was actually quite tragic for me, which is why I made the buns early this year]
“Sixty degree weather” [Same as this year]
“Saying Hello to Elsa” [Our neighbor. This year, I sent the kids over with some Asian Pears and cookies – the gift of choice from my Taiwanese soul.]

I love seeing how things stay the same – it makes it feel like we are finding our Christmas family rhythm. For now.

Favorite Gifts

Okay, I will say something that will make me sound horribly ungrateful and spoiled: I don’t like when people give me presents. To clarify – I’m always touched and honoured when people give me presents; that I deserve the time and attention it took for them to think of me is flattering. But the actual moment when a wrapped or bagged something is handed to me … I don’t love that. I find it awkward. Usually I’m caught unawares. I don’t like having to pretend to like something that I think is an odd gift- I have a terrible poker face. And I’m a little picky about things that take up space in my life. Also, I don’t like being the center of attention for that one moment. It seems like such a public situation for a gesture that feels oddly intimate. I think in my ideal world, presents would be quietly left at my door – a pleasant, private surprise.

My family of origin is pretty big on just giving money. Twenty dollar bills slipped into a card, a red envelope pressed into my hand at the end of the visit, even something on a larger scale like paying for me to go to college. They do give things sometimes, but more often than not, it’s money. I’m sure part of it is that money is easy to transfer, no transport or wrapping required. Not having to struggle to put it on a plane home. Also, it’s the most practical gift, right? Impersonal, perhaps? But if you think about it… it’s personal in an impersonal way. The Red Envelopes say to me, “I love you, and I know the best thing I can do for you is to give you cold hard cash because that’s what you really need.”

I’m also going to say, I love the Husband, but his presents don’t fall into the category of “favorite gifts.” They are more in the category of “gifts I love because I use them every day.” The Husband gets me gifts that are practical. Usually he replaces my electronics because I’m very slow to replace it myself. He doesn’t give romantic presents, but I make it hard for him. I don’t like flowers, I don’t wear jewelery. While I will eat most chocolate, I like picking it out for myself. I keep an Amazon wish list, but I’m always saying to him, “Don’t buy that thing on the list – I was just bookmarking it for reference later.” Very helpful of me, I know. Okay, I hate to say it… that’s the main thing… I like picking things out for myself. Part of me thinks, there are so many things I like and would pick out for myself yet am hesitating on getting because I don’t feel ready to have it in my life yet – why would I want this other thing that someone else picks out for me. Which is why the Husband and I keep gift lists. gah. I feel like I’m coming off as really petty and ungracious here. I love the thought and care that he puts into thinking about what I need and what I like, I really do. He doesn’t always get it right, but he does put a lot of thought into it.

All that to say, getting presents makes me pretty uncomfortable. I’m working on my ability to not look gift horses in the mouth and just feel fortunate and savor the giver. Over the years, there have been some gifting experiences that have really stood out. I read a Vox article this week on gift giving. The experts in the article present these three questions for choosing a thoughtful gift:
“Can I introduce someone to something they would not otherwise know about? Can I give them a nicer version of something than they would buy for themselves? Or can I make them feel seen?”
Check one of those boxes, the article says, and you’ll probably have a good present. I think the favorite present that I’ve received fall into that last category of “being seen.” When I think back on all the gifts that I’ve been given, the ones that have moved me the most are the ones where I felt like someone was really paying attention. So here are three of my most memorable gifting experiences as a recipient. There are definitely more, of course, but these three are particularly special to me. And only one of them happened on Christmas.

The Best Opening Night Present: Opening night presents are a thing at my work. Often it’s chocolate or some consumable. There have been a few standout ones for me: I had one stage manager who gave us Playmobile pirates because we were working on a show set on a British warship. And there was one boss who gave us all copies of the film Groundhog Day because about 90% of the rehearsal process was spent on one twenty minute scene and we had to do that scene over and over and over and over until the director felt like we got it right. It involved moving a lot of tables to reset for the top. One show, the director was from New York before he went home for the day off before opening, he asked us, “Do you want anything from New York?” I said, jokingly, “Those bagels from H&H are really good.” And on opening night, he came in with a huge bag of everything bagels! “The whole train smelled like everything seasoning,” he told us.

But by far my favorite opening night present came from a director, Andrew, who sadly passed away last year. I had worked with him several times in a couple different cities and on this show I was his Assistant Director. On opening night, he was passing out bottles of wine. He had impeccable taste and it was top notch wine. Wine is a pretty common opening night present. I don’t drink myself, but I always bring the wine home and have it with guests or use it for cooking. We have a shelf of opening night wine in our basement. When he got to me, however, Andrew handed me this Tupperware container. Inside was a huge chunk of Roquefort cheese. “I knew you didn’t drink,” he told me, “So I asked you husband what you liked. And he said you liked stinky cheese. So I went to the cheese shop and asked for the stinkiest cheese they could give me. And I put it in Tupperware so you could carry it home safely.”

I loved so many things about this. First that he knew that I didn’t drink so he wanted to get me something else. (I have literally gotten a card on opening night that said, “I know you don’t drink, but take this home to your husband.” It was from a dear friend of mine, but the note was not tongue in cheek at all.) And then he contacted the Husband. And I love that the Husband knew exactly what would make me happy. And the Tupperware was the best touch. I still use that blue rimmed Rubbermaid container and think of him. It was the best opening night present ever.

The Berry Bowl: I love hand thrown pottery. It’s such a functional way to incorporate art into the every day. There is a pottery group near me that always had a holiday sale in December and I loved going and looking at all the pottery, often buying gifts for family or friend there. One Christmas, my good friend Kristen and I went to the Holiday sale. She was looking for something for her parents. There was a berry bowl that I kept staring at, then I’d move on, then I’d come back and stare at it again. It was a pretty humble brown berry bowl, but something about it really attracted me. Maybe it was just the idea of having a berry bowl. I could see myself filling it with berries, rinsing them off, letting the water drain, and then snacking on the berries one by one… in the morning for breakfast, in the afternoon, while reading a book… I wanted to be the kind of person who put enough care and intention in their life that they would have a berry bowl, rather than my usual process of just dumping the berries in a regular bowl, dousing them with water, and then draining the water through my fingers, always loosing one or two berries into the dirty sink in the process. But at the same time, it seemed like one of those super specific things that … why? Why do I need a bowl just for berries in my life? Anyhow, towards the end of the afternoon, my friend said, “That berry bowl would be perfect for my parents. Can we go back and get it?” I said yes, happy that someone would get to have something as frivolous as a berry bowl.
We walked to the car, and I hugged my friend good-bye, “Merry Christmas!” I said. And she said, “Merry Christmas. This is for you.” And handed me the bag with the berry bowl in it. “You really seemed to want it,” she said.

The Hand Made Paper Flower: This one isn’t a Christmas gift either. It was the first week working on a new show and I had a meeting scheduled with the prop master the next day to go over all the props for the show. I was also having a miscarriage. The prop master came into my office to confirm our meeting. “I have to re-schedule,” I told her, “I have an appointment tomorrow.”

I must have looked upset, or something because she asked me, “Are you okay?”

And because I think people should not have to hide these things or pretend like it’s nothing, I said to her, “I’m having a d&c tomorrow because I’ve miscarried.”

And she said, “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. Do what you have to do. We’ll look at props whenever you’re ready.”

When I came back to the office two days later, I found a bouquet of yellow paper flowers on my desk, stuck in a ginger beer bottle. No note or anything. I was too numb and exhausted to feel anything other than a flutter of gratitude for her quiet gesture. Her acknowledgement that I just went through something hard really helped me not feel so alone at work that day. Because I didn’t really want people’s words of sympathies or looks of pity or co-workers walking on eggshells around me. I just wanted life to carry on as normal even when it didn’t feel that way. Afterwards, I thanked her for the flowers, and she said, “I just wanted to do something to brighten your day.”

This prop master no longer works at the opera, but the flowers are still on my desk and I think of her whenever I see them.

What has been your favorite/most memorable/cherished gift receiving experience?