The kids’ Saturday activities are wrapping up; the four year old had his last soccer session and the nine year old has one more session of dance next week. There is still Mandarin Class for the four year old and swim clinic for the nine year old on Sunday, but we’re keeping Saturday pretty open for December so that we feel like we will have the capacity to partake in some holiday festivities as they come up. The Botanical Garden’s annual holiday train is outside this year, and I’m looking forward to a trip down to the Mall to see that. And I definitely want to take in one of the light displays in the area. And there is a Christmas Tree, and putting up the Christmas lights….
I’m not sure what possessed us, but on Saturday, we decided to take a trip to the Pringel Family Creamery, about an hour away. It seemed like a reasonable Saturday afternoon family adventure. We had gone there on the ice cream tour last summer and really liked the pimento cheese. They also have an Everything Bagel Cheese spread that is really good too. In the summer, there were lots of cows out and you could sit outside, eating your ice cream while watching the cows waddle through the pasture. It being November, there were only a few cows and it was too cold to eat ice cream outside. But I did enjoy my cherry chocolate chunk ice cream inside and that was nice.
Afterwards we found a little trail and went on, what I called a “tromp through the woods.” As it was already getting dark – the sun is setting by 5pm these days – we only went for about half an hour, but it was a nice little path and it was nice to stretch our legs among trees and streams and logs.
Sunday, I took the four year old to Mandarin class. I had to bring the baby with me, so I didn’t get my run in, but I did take the baby on a walk and we saw a family of deer. That was pretty cool. I know deer are kind of regarded as a nuisance around here, but it still makes me breathless to see one.
One of the websites in my Feedly is A Poem A Day, and the other day, Wendy Cope’s poem Being Boring dropped into my feed. The last lines of the poem are:
Someone to stay home with was all my desire And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring, I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire To go on and on being boring.
I was thinking of this poem the other day, when my self-employed friend who is trying to navigate the world of online dating asked me, “What is it like to have a both a job and a life partner that you like? It’s like you have it all.”
Well, first of all, I only have a job that I really like off and on, which I think helps me feel really appreciate it. And I have a great husband, but we still squabble over socks (mine) left on the floor. And then I thought… I never really think that I “have it all”. Or if I do really have it all, this isn’t what I thought it would be like. All this mundane day to day. The diapers and bills and constant cleaning and tears and bedtimes and carpool and evenings exhausted zoned out in front of the tv. It is certainly a lucky and privileged kind of mundane life, but it is definitely not exciting. There are no European vacations (even pre-COVID) or fancy cars and I wear ratty sweatpants more than I care to admit. (Actually, not really. I am happy to admit that I live in sweatpants and leggings these days).
I mean a trip for Pimento cheese and cherry chocolate ice cream… that sounds like enough of an adventure for me some days.
Maybe the answer to my friend’s question is that having it all is actually pretty boring. And that’s a good thing. It’s that “Safe mooring” that Cope writes about.
This week I finally installed the pencil sharpener. It’s one of those old fashioned hand crank sharpeners that had come with the house that my parents had bought. We actually already had one, but our was a vacuum seal one that never quite stuck and didn’t sharpen very well. Using it was always a frustrating endeavor of wedging and turning. When I was growing up, we had a pencil sharpener that my father had mounted on a piece of wood with a protruding rim on the bottom so that you could actually just put it on any table and the rim would sit flush against the edge of the table and keep it in place.
Anyhow, it has been a great debate between the Husband and me where to mount the pencil sharpener. I kind of wanted to put it in the coat closet. I used to work at a summer festival and there was an old fashioned pencil sharpener mounted inside the storage closet in the rehearsal hall. It wasn’t an obvious place to find a pencil sharpener because the closet was used for furniture storage from artist housing so no one every really went in there. Whenever someone would come up to me in rehearsal, asking, “Do you have a pencil sharpener?” I would point them to the closet. The nostalgic cry of joy and delight that usually resulted always made me really happy.
Despite my fond memories, the Husband pointed out that the coat closet was actually rather an impractical place for the pencil sharpener. He wanted it in the basement. Too far to go , I said. What about the linen closet, I countered. Still a closet. Back and forth. Finally we settled on just screwing it into the nine year old’s drafting table. We figured it wasn’t a permanent solution (I’m big on non-permanent solutions…), and at least it would be mounted then.
Two weeks later, I finally got the drill out and attached the pencil sharpener. It was one of those quintessential little tasks that gets put off but really takes only a few minutes to do. Although to be fair, it took the better part of an afternoon because I was also trying to keep the baby out of trouble. But it is mounted now and we can sharpen pencils with ease and convenience and it’s a lovely thing.
check that off the list!
The other little “get it done” task I finished last week was replacing the zipper on the four year old’s hoodie. My Sister in law had given him this super adorable dinosaur hoodie, but the zipper broke earlier this year. I had been resigned to the hoodie never being worn again, but then I texted a good friend of mine who runs a costume shop.
“How difficult is it to replace a zipper on a hoodie?” I asked.
“Not too difficult. Except the hoodie might be stretchy and the zipper isn’t. Maybe hand stitch it first before running it through the machine.”
With those works of encouragement and after watching a few YouTube videos, I went to Joann’s and picked up a new zipper. Taking the old zipper out was a little scary, but I figured throwing out a hoodie with a broken zipper and throwing out a hoodie with a botched attempted repair was probably the same thing, so I might as well try. And it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was. I had to find the zipper foot for my sewing machine and then google how to use it because my sewing machine is ancient. And an afternoon sitting in the sun with my seam ripper and an evening with my sewing machine and it was done! It’s not terribly pretty on the inside, but no one sees the inside anyway, I guess. And the four year old gets to wear the hoodie again. Frugal win and another thing for my “Things I learned to do” list.
Speaking of “Things I learned to do” list … on Thursday, the Husband had the day off for Veteran’s Day and we spent the day together, picking up spicy jerk chicken sandwiches for lunch, eating in a park and then running errands. One of his errands was a visit to a local music store. Earlier this month, I saw Steve Martin play the concertina on his new Hulu series Only Murders In the Building, and was instantly charmed. Well, the Husband thought that this would be fun and was going to buy me a concertina for Christmas. While at the store, though, we found out that they actually rent concertinas, and figuring that that was a lower price point for entry, we went ahead and did that. I’m really excited.
The weather this week has been up and down. Tuesday was sunny and 60s. I took the baby on a little walk on a local trail. We found some big leaves, bare trees, falling leaves, and rocky outcrops.
Also, randomly, a bench:
I would love to know the story of how this bench came to be placed by the stream. The path on this side of the trail is quite overgrown and narrow, so I imagine it must have taken some effort. I picture someone (or some two) deciding this was a lovely spot, and what it needed was a bench. And then lugging a bench through the grass and bramble and depositing it here, a little hidden, but not to hidden not to be found and enjoyed. It was much appreciated, though, for it made a lovely spot to sit and have a snack with the baby. Eventually the baby got tired of walking, so I put her in the carrier and she soon fell asleep. As I walked, I tried to capture pictures of the falling leaves, but that proved difficult, so I just sat on a rock while the baby slept in the carrier, and spent half an hour just watching leaves fall. It seemed hugely indulgent. But then again, who am I to wake a sleeping baby?
I capped the morning off by accidentally locking the keys in the car with the baby. Luckily the Husband works nearby and could run home and get my keys, but my morning outside stretched into the afternoon as I stood outside the car trying to keep the baby amused while she was strapped into her car seat inside the locked car. We watched a lot of videos from this website, including this beautiful and fascinating one showing insects taking off into flight. I’ve always resisted using a screen to amuse the baby, but I guess when she is locked in a car one learns to make exceptions and not stand on principal.
Other things to savor this week: -Drizzly rainy walk to school, despite some complaints.
-This backpack, from my college days, still very much in use. I never guessed when I bought this backpack to cart textbooks and note books that twenty years later it would be my go to back for snacks and diapers and wipes. It’s had a lot of good adventures and shows no sign of stopping.
-This ever shifting reflection of morning sunbeams, bouncing off the creek and dappling the footbridge and rocks.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Mac and Cheese (the blue box) and Butternut squash soup (also from a box)
Sunday: Leftovers
Monday: Vegan Gnocchi Soup. This was really tasty and the Husband asked that it be put into our regular rotation.
Tuesday: Black beans nachos. I always forget what an easy meal nachos is. I guess it always seems like an appetizer to me, but it does make a really fast simple dinner.
Wednesday: Kale Paneer from Meera Sodha’s East. My favorite way to use up a plethora of kale.
Thursday: The Husband made fried rice.
Friday: Pizza and Fireman Sam and Snoopy. It was the four year old’s turn to pick the movie.
The clocks set back last weekend. We managed fine. Saturday there was soccer and dance and then a visit from an old friend and mentor of mine who was in town. We spent lots of time outside and at parks. Saturday night we family Mario Kart night, which we hadn’t had in a while. I’m still phenomenally bad at Mario Kart; the four year old and I trade for last place throughout the game.
The baby was up early on Sunday. But she’s always up early. And honestly, the difference between 5:00am and 6:00am is kind of negligible on a Sunday morning. At the other end of the day, I had planned a Zoom book club meeting for my mom’s group at 8:30p, scheduled weeks ago, not realizing that it was Daylights savings and that we might all be exhausted by then. Six of us managed to joined the call and while we were all spent and tired by 9:45p, it was a nice chat and catch up.
I read this essay in the Washington Post that pointed out that we are now entering into the 90 darkest days of the year. Saturday, November 7th is 45 days from the Winter Solstice. And on the flip side, February 4th is 45 days after. To think of it another way, this is the darkest quarter of the year. Metaphorically speaking, I hope.
The other day, the four year old asked if we could go back to the “Kangaroo Pool”. “No,” I said. “That pool is only open during the summer.” “Oh,” he said, disappointed. He thought for a moment then asked, “When will it be water Wednesday?” Water Wednesday is waterplay day at school. “Water Wednesday is only during the summer,” I said. “What is it now?” “Right now it’s fall. Almost winter. It’s too cold to be out in the water.” “Why is all the fun things during the summer?” “Well,” I said, “We can do fun things in the winter too….”
I started making a list of fun things in the winter for us to do. And at dinner the whole family made suggestions: – build snowmen -drink hot cocoa -make snow angels -drink tea -Christmas -ice skating
Even though the nine year old will be fully vaccinated by Christmas, I think this will still feel like a pandemic winter in a lot of ways. Definitely not as restrictive as last year, but still no air travel or family visits or indoor dining as a family. I did notice that the nine year old’s favorite restaurant is having live Irish music again, and I was thinking that might be a nice celebratory event for two weeks after her second shot, just her, the Husband and me.
Still, I need to take time to think through and plan some things to enjoy and savor in these next ninety days. I do love a good lazy hunkering, but I know there are also many ways to embrace this darkest quarter beyond the house. Plus there is my 1000 hour outside aspirations. Even with the specter Global warming looming, I don’t want to take the current mild weather for granted.
The holidays are imminent, and will be here before we know it, and then it will be the new year and that fresh page. The to-do lists are long and sometimes overwhelming. I want to make sure time is spent “being”, not just “doing”.
I feel like we hit a parenting milestone this week when the Husband and I helped the nine year old with her long house model. There was a bit of arguing and tears and probably more than a little co-opting of the project by the grown ups. I’m sure the latter was cause for the former. In the end, we had a lumpy, twig, bark and hot glue structure in a base of modelling clay.
Collaborative effort.
I never had to do models or dioramas when I was in school. I do remember my mother helping my brother fashion a puppet of White Fang out of toilet paper tubes held together with cooked white rice as glue since white glue wasn’t something we kept on hand. My mother was endlessly and optimistically creative. She could see the possibilities in so many mundane things, a artistic combination of clever and frugal.
The Husband suggested that we send the nine year old on the bus with her model, but I couldn’t bear the possibility of our hard work getting crushed or dropped, so I drove her to school the next day, her longhouse safely ensconced in the passenger seat next to me. I’m sure (I hope) that I will become less possessive of the school projects.
In my habit tracker, I have a category for blog/art. The “art” category was leftover from this past year when I was taking the drawing class… a reminder to spend time every week creating. The art boxes on the habit tracker have been woefully unchecked since spring. But I realized that this week and last thatI have been making art. I mean these cardboard and tape and twig and glue concoctions… That’s art, right?
The rest of the week was a combination of drizzly days and mild days. On the drizzly day, in my effort to spend time outside, I took the baby to a new to me park – it wasn’t really a park; it was an old golf course that is no longer in use, but which the city took over. The city is still trying to decide what to do with it, but in the meantime, it features a mesh of walking paths. It’s interesting to see the vestiges of the sand traps from the golf course interspersed with over grown natural vegetation.
Wednesday was chilly. We awoke to frost on the ground and ice on the windshield. I pulled out the hat and mittens and winter gear. There was a frustrating moment of stress when I couldn’t find the ice scraper as the kids were loading themselves into the car on the way to the nine year old’s 7:15am piano lesson. I texted her teacher to know we were running late, turned on the heat and fans, and tried to figure out how to clear the windows. “Use the windshield fluid!” The Husband reminded me, and luckily the icy layer was thin enough and that did the trick.
Frosty Fall.
We have a (admittedly arbitrary) rule that the heat doesn’t get turned on until November, and we certainly didn’t need to this year. In the past, getting through October without turning the heat on was always a challenge, but this year I’ve been lulled by the mild, summer-like fall. Its kind of like the temporal equivalent of hedonistic adaptation.
Anyhow, I’ve located the ice scrapers and I’ll be ready next time.
Thursday the nine year old was off school so we took our Fall trip to Longwood Gardens. I had a fear of the children being cold and then complaining and immovable, so I made everyone wear long underwear, hats, and gloves in addition to their coats. Turns out it was a little bit of overkill. The weather was sunny and brisk and beautiful.
I’ve been doing these mediations with the four year old on the app Smiling Mind, and one of the practices is about noticing colour. In the meditation, the voice slowly recites the colours of the rainbow and encourages the listener to find each colour as he says them. I’ve found this also to be a great game to play with the kids. I always think of Fall as a colourful season, but one of a limited palette. But while, there certainly was a riot of oranges and yellows, the other colours proved easy to find too. Except blue. I didn’t find any blue plants, so the blue sky will have to do.
Rainbow!
On the way home, there was this beautiful evening sky, which I thought especially fun juxtaposed against the red taillights.
Nature- and man- made glow.
I had written last post about how quickly the county and pharmacy’s 5-11 COVID vaccine appointments booked up super quickly. Well on Thursday while we were at Longwood Gardens, I checked my email and our pediatrician’s office had sent an email saying they had vaccine appointments available. The Husband got on the phone immediately and was able to book the nine year old for her first shot the next day! And to be super efficient, we also booked flu shots for her and the four year old. (The baby got her flu shot at her 2 year check up.) I’m so excited and relieved that this is done. There seems to be new appointments opening up every few days so I know I ultimately didn’t have to worry about not finding her an appointment, but still it’s good to know that the first shot is in her arm. We have the second shot scheduled for after Thanksgiving so by Christmas she’ll by as fully immunized as she can be at this point. Hooray!
The whole process was quick an pretty painless. A 9am appointment. 15 minutes waiting in the reception area afterwards for side effects and then we were on our way. The nine year old said that the flu shot actually hurt more than the COVID shot. The four year old was so cute… he thought the Band-Aid was the flu shot and refused to take it off. And when he took a bath he was so worried that the Band-Aid would fall off. I had to explain the whole thing to him several times and eventually he did let me take the Band-Aid off.
Not throwing away her shot!
Things I’m looking forward to for the nine year old: – eating in a restaurant. Her favorite restaurant is having live music again and the Husband and I are thinking this might be the place to take her on a special daddy-mommy-daughter celebration date. – joining a basketball league. She has been taking indoor dance and swimming, but somehow the close contact nature of basketball seems more risky, so we’ve been putting this off. -maybe having a birthday party for her. She has a winter birthday so there aren’t a lot of outdoor options. Of course this means I’ll have to plan a birthday party, which I’m not terribly looking forward to. (But I’ve been reading Oliver Burkeman’s book 4000 Weeks, and he says that once we confront the finitude of our lives, we learn to feel fortunate for even the most painful and mundane tasks…. I’m trying to embrace that.)
So a very full week, but not much knocked off the to do list. Many tasks just got migrated to this week. I did do my emissions test (and paid the late fee) and picked out tile for a rental house repair. I guess two things on the “Done” list is okay. And we did finish watching Schmigadoon, which given our poor record for finishing anything on TV, does feel like an accomplishment. And it was a delightful show too.
Oh: a haiku from last month that I just now found randomly in my time log journal:
September apples A two bushel haul. Transformed to October sauce.
What We Ate: The nine year old wanted to plan the menu this week
Saturday: Pizza leftover from the previous night. And Star Wars finally.
Sunday: Halloween – not quite sure. It was probably leftovers and lots of candy.
Monday: Mac and Cheese and Cucumber Tomato Salad. The stuff in the blue box.
Tuesday: Salmon Burgers and Caesar Salad.
Wednesday: Cornflake oven fried chicken and roasted veggies (Squash, sweet potoates, leeks, and potatoes – basically kitchen sink)
Thursday: Chipotle on the way home from Longwood Gardens
Friday: Pizza (Husband made) and Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. I hadn’t seen this when it originally came out in 2005 and it’s surprisingly less dated than many other movies from the time. Afterwards, I saw that it had been directed by a man, and that struck me as interesting because it feels like this kind of female friendship movie is something that would most definitely be directed by a woman these days. And it made me wonder about how so much of the movies that I watched and loved in the 80s and 90s were directed by men, and whether of not the way I saw myself reflected in the media I consumed was influenced by the male gaze. Would my ideas of what is considered attractive been different?
No big adventures this weekend – just getting ready for Halloween and helping the nine year old with her Native American shelter project, watching Star Wars, and finishing season two of Ted Lasso. I really enjoy Ted Lasso, but so far each season has ended on kind of a mixed emotional note.
Saturday I also carved the second pumpkin. The four year old wanted it to look like our dog friend Max whom we were dog sitting that day.
Max o’ lantern
I was up late finishing the baby’s Han Solo Costume. I had bought a white polo shirt and blue sweat pants. I added a red stripe to the sweatpants with red duct tape and then made a vest with lots of pockets out of an old t-shirt and boot covers out of black felt.
Halloween was on Sunday, and the kids went trick or treating for the first time in quite a while. In 2019 there was the threat of bad weather so they didn’t go, and last year there was no trick or treating because of COVID. I think this was the four year old’s first real experience of trick or treating. We went out with some friends because unfortunately our neighborhood is pretty quiet. The nine year old took off with her friends and I ended up with the four year old and the baby. Which was just as well because the baby was Han Solo, except the costume was a little obscure unless she was with the Millenium Falcon. And even then I’d say only four or five people knew who she was. She was quite a trooper and walked the whole hour we were out, only wanting to be carried for the last block. She was a little hesitant at first, but once she realized that there was candy involved, she was very much game to walk up to strangers.
Our friend’s neighborhood was a great place to go. Lots of houses were decorated and people sat out in front of their houses, so it was easy to tell who was giving out candy and which houses to skip. Most people also put the candy on a table, so you could go up and say hello, but still keep a distance. You could tell that the adults handing out the candy loved Halloween and seeing the different costumes. It was just a really nice atmosphere.
I was really happy with how the Millenium Falcon turned out and it got lots of attention. Several people said that it was the best costume of the night. That made me feel really happy. Also making me happy – the baby gets really excited about the Falcon and will point at it and say, “Bacca!” as in Chewbacca.
We trick or treated til about 6:45p – the weather stayed mild and the sky light for much longer than I thought it would. Afterwards, I sat and chatted with our friends for a little bit, while the kids ate candy then we went home to the Husband who stayed home on the off chance someone came by. No one did. The Husband was smart and didn’t open the candy, so I guess we can return it. Which is a little disappointing for me because he got this really cool mix with Reese Peanut Butter Cups, Twizzlers, Kit Kats and Sour Patch Kids. I love all those things and was really excited to see a mix that combined chocolate and candy.
We took the kids to two of our neighbor’s house because we had promised to . One of them are new to the neighborhood and I knew they would be disappointed to get no trick or treaters. It was nice to chat to and lament the lack of trick or treaters in our neighborhood. I think it’s just the nature of how our street is next to a really busy street, so not many people will cross the road to our house. Also there aren’t a lot of kids on our street. I hope that evolves and changes.
so sad no one came to see these jack o’lantern masterpieces.
Two things that made me teary with joy today:
Michelle Wu elected as Mayor of Boston. Growing up, I think I internalized the idea that Asians, particularly Asian women could do great things, but in roles of quiet support and service. I didn’t grow up seeing Asian women in leadership roles, particularly in one that might be considered politically radical. Representation matters. I don’t know if Michelle Wu will be a good mayor or not, but I do know that seeing her lead a major American city will help tear apart the model minority narrative and hopefully inspire other Asian girls to not just be support, but be leaders and the face of civic change. In many ways that big picture is just as important as the immediate one.
COVID vaccines approved for children 5-11 years old. I’ve been hunting for available appointments. The County released a bunch of appointments around 5:30pm, and they were already gone by 7pm. I know that all my kids will be vaccinated eventually, but I’m feeling somewhat compelled to sit at my computer trying to secure a vaccine appointments for the nine year old.
I’ve been inspired by the 1000 hours outside movement. At least for me and the baby. I don’t have as much control over the two older kids since they are at school for most of the day. I know they definitely don’t get outside as much as I want. I often rant that when I was their age (*eye roll, sigh*) we had recess twice a day, plus at lunch. The nine year old currently gets 30-45 minutes of outdoor time at school all day. And none if there is even a hint of moisture in the air. At any rate, I can do my best to make sure we get out during the weekends, and that they have the right clothing to brave the elements come colder weather.
This weekend, we managed two outdoor adventures. One was planned weeks in advance and the other was a rather impromptu affair.
The impromptu trip was prompted by a project the nine year old had for class. She had to build an indigenous dwelling. There was also an option to make a poster or design a pamphlet, but we regarded those options with scorn and declared that we would b building a model. I never had to do a diorama or such model when I was in school, but the Husband did. And, given that his father was an architect, the Husband actually did very little of his own building.
I’ve come to the conclusion that diorama and model assignments for fourth graders are really a long term learning experience so that forty years later they can build dioramas and models for their children. Yes, we may have co-opted her assignment a little.
Anyhow, Saturday morning, my husband did some googling and it turns out that there is a reproduction of an American Indian Village at Patuxent River Park, about an hour and a half from where we lived. So after soccer and dance lessons, we piled into the car and went on a spur of the moment jaunt. (With three kids, I feel like three hours advance planning counts as “spur of the moment.”). When we arrived, only one of the housing displays was still up, but luckily it was the shelter that the nine year old had planned to make anyway: a longhouse. After checking out the longhouse frame, we went on a forest ramble. The trail map indicated that the trail went to the water, but in reality, it went to an overlook of marshland with a very tree filled view. Once could catch sight of slivers of water between the branches. But it being fall, the foliage made the view pretty great anyway.
Slight view of the water, but still some neat moments of nature
The next day came the planned adventure: a family hike at a local park lead by a naturalist. The baby and I had gone on one of these hikes before, but this time the whole family came along. Only the baby fell asleep on the way there so the Husband stayed behind and went on a little ramble with her when she woke up an hour later.
Going on a hike with a park naturalist Katrina was really eye opening. I think it’s one thing to wander the woods on your own and do some forest bathing, but there is something really special about going with someone who will point out all the little details in nature that I would have missed otherwise. Like all the tiny variation of mushroom. And the sliver trail left by a slug on a leaf. And even though I’ve always let my kids climb on trees and fallen logs, there was something to not only having the park authority tell us it was okay, but even point out the best logs for climbing. She also, upon hearing of the nine year old’s longhouse project, pointed out what she thought would be the best tree bark to use and helped us gather some. And when the four year old started losing steam, Katrina pulled out a deck of nature games to play.
Little bits of nature
My third big outdoor adventure last week was going on a hike at the nearby nature center called “What’s that Tree?” For this hike, a naturalist taught us how to identify trees by looking at the location, bark, leaves, and buds. Looking at buds, I found really hard at first, but eventually I started to see how buds all grew in different patterns and angles. The nature center leads a winter Tree Identification hike which is all bark and buds, and I think I might sign up for that one; it sounds like a really great challenge. Even though this was billed as an adult hike, I put the baby in her carrier and brought her along. And the Husband even took the morning off work to come too… it was almost like at date! I think I can now identify a boxelder and an American hornbeam, two trees that I wasn’t even aware of before the hike.
The other big project this week was the Halloween costumes. The nine year old had a class Halloween party, so there was a bit of an earlier timeline for her Princess Leia on Hoth costume. Luckily everything arrived in time and then I made a braid on a headband for her to wear and also the badge. The badge was a print out from the internet modge podged onto a piece of cardboard and then attached to a magnetic name tag from a former job. I had a moment when I was trying to decide whether or not it was worth it to give up this name tag, this relic of a on of my favorite gigs, for my child’s Halloween costume. And then I realized I was being silly and putting too much pressure on a a little name tag so I covered it in hot glue and slapped the badge on it.
crafting
The Millenium Falcon was chipped away at a little every night. I feel like it kind of deserves its own post because it was kind of huge but also a lot of fun to make.
insides.
Good things this week:
-Promising vaccine news for the kids. (Even more promising by the time I hit “post” on this.)
-Rainy Friday. I feel like the weather is finally turning to cold and wet autumn after unseasonably warm temperatures so far. But I love the crisp cold nip of air, and the shiny sheen of a rainy day. I’m so glad I finally decided to get rainboots last year.
rainy day moments
-Pumpkin #1 is carved. The nine year old designed a cat face. I always dread carving pumpkins because of the mess and the time it takes. But this only took half and hour and clean up was pretty easy. So maybe I’m getting better at the whole pumpkin thing. I do actually like the carving process, it’s just that thinking about it is worse that the actual doing.
Notice the baby doing the nine year old’s homework.
-The baby will not require speech services. Hooray! We had her re-assessed by the county’s Infants and Toddler’s program since she still wasn’t talking much at her two year appointment. To our surprise, she actually was not showing the required 25% delay to receive services. She’s more like 10% delayed Turns out, that while she doesn’t have a lot of words, the way in which she is using the few words that she has is actually on track for her age -things like matching picture and words with real objects, being able to answer “where” questions, being able to name people, consistently using the words that she does have, and being able to whisper, using words to represent actions. Her lowest scores, since she was assessed in a variety of developmental areas, was in soci0-emotional areas. But the therapists said this was not uncommon for babies who have had such limited interaction during the pandemic. I still feel like such developmental assessments are somewhat arbitrary and can cause undue concern, but it is good to know what boxes are being checked off. The therapists left us with some tips for helping to grow her vocabulary and went on their way.
-Apple pie from September’s apple picking adventure. And finally getting a pie server. No more awkward attempts to serve pie (or cake!) with a butter knife.
-Inspiring thought for the week – I was listening to the Life Kit episode featuring Oliver Burkman who wrote a book 4000 weeks: Time Management for Mortals. I really liked that his approach to time was so different from the manic ultra-high productivity that seems to be so common in time management writing today. One thing he said in this interview – a thought which he attributes to James Hollis – is that rather than asking if something makes you happy, ask yourself “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me.” He goes on to say how parenting rarely makes one happy, but that it certainly can fall in the “enlarge” category. I feel that in our current climate of almost radical self-care, the enlarge/diminish question is perhaps a truer way to answer questions of what is worth spending our time on.
What We Ate: This was a fun week because the four year old planned the menu this week.
Saturday: Take Out Indian following out Patuxent River Park Adventure.
Sunday: Leftovers
Monday: Request from four year old was “Pasta”. I made Eggplant Pasta from the America’s Test Kitchen’s Bowls cookbook.
Tuesday: “Rice and Green Beans!” Clean out the veggie drawer stir fry. I think in addition to green beans there was bok choy, broccoli, red bell pepper, and I’m sure there was something else too.
Wednesday: “Chicken Soup!” Chicken Bok Choy soup. Pretty easy improvised recipe: boil chicken tenders in chicken stock, remove and shred. Throw mushrooms, carrots and sliced bock choy, soy sauce, garlic, sesame oil and star anise into chicken stock, boil until veggies are just tender, then throw in chicken dumplings and the shredded chicken and simmer until dumplings are done.
Thursday: The Husband make Spanish rice and black beans. (The request from the four year old was “Black beans with sprinkle”) He is trying to cook his way through the Betty Crocker’s Cooking Basics cookbook that he received in college.
Friday: Pizza and and failed attempt to watch Star Wars. Which might have been related to a failure to do chores. Sigh.
Even though the kids have activities on the weekend, I’m trying to make the most of the activity-free time. For me, that’s a blend of family adventures, chores and unstructured time. Self care is a bit of a trendy thing these days, and I’m finding that chores actually do constitute self care for me. Knocking things off the looming to do list does more for my mental health, than, say, a massage. (That might be a little unfair because I’ve never really liked massages, but you get the point.)
Last weekend, I took the kids to the local farm park. They were having a “Fall on the Farm” festival. It was drizzly and wet, but we still managed to make corn husk dolls, learn about soap making, and listen to an old time string band. I was fascinated by the musician playing the jaws harp – such a little instrument… I wonder if there was a sense of futility in playing it in a large open barn. The soap demonstrator too was particularly fascinating. She was a scholar whose primary focus was on soap in the Colonial times and she had all sorts of knowledge and theories about soap, how it was manufactured and how it was used. We stopped for Rita’s frozen custard on the way home. “We always get ice cream when we go on adventures!” the nine year old insisted.
Corn husk dolls.
I’ve started on the Hallowe’en costumes. I love making Hallowe’en costumes. I’m going to admit that. I feel almost abashed about saying it because I feel like Hallowe’en costumes have become one of those rocks in the maternal mental load, particularly for working mothers. When I tell people I’m making the kids’ costumes, I get this look of wide eyed disbelief, like I’m trying too hard. But here’s the deal: I make them because I like making them. I like the puzzle and the engineering and the crafting something out of nothing. (See previous post about making rehearsal props out of cardboard.) There was a year or two when the nine year old only wanted purchased costumes from Costco and I was a little sad about that. So as long as my kids will let me, I will continue to make them costumes.
This year, the nine year old decided that everyone is going as a character from Star Wars. She chose Princess Leia. The Husband suggested Princess Leia from Hoth since that would be the easiest costume to source. He was right – white pants, shirt, puffy vest have been ordered. I’m making a yarn braid as well:
Baby Leia
The four year old, when asked who he wanted to be, answered, “The Millenium Falcon.”
I told my friend this. “I see a lot of cardboard in your life,” she said.
Indeed:
Just the beginning.
The baby will be Han Solo, or she will just wear her R2D2 pjs, depending on what I have time for.
I took the car in for an oil change also. It was supposed to be one of those drop it off and come back affairs. But then I mentioned that the drive side headlight was out and could they look at it since I had replaced the bulb recently. I had had this issue before and when I took it too the dealer, they said they didn’t know what the problem was, so I almost didn’t mention it to my new mechanic. So he said he would take a look. The baby and I wandered the town where the mechanic was, we went to the park and the children’s library. We stopped at the fancy bakery and bought ham and cheese croissants and cookies. Then we went back to the mechanics. Well turns out, he had figured out the problem but needed to wait for the part to come in. I was so excited that he could fix the issue that I wasn’t at all annoyed that it would be another hour and a half. We wandered to the adult library three blocks over, sat in the garden and ate our croissants in the garden and then went inside to looked at more books.
It’s funny – what was originally supposed to be a two hour errand unexpectedly turned into a five hour errand, but despite that, it was a pretty good day. Libraries, parks, croissants and a wonderful mechanic – hard to go wrong there. I think, though, what really made the day feel decadent was that I luckily had the luxury of time. Certainly for many people, a two hour appointment morphing into a five hour appointment can really wreck havoc with one’s day. So perhaps it’s the silver lining of my current unpaid work status.
Other things to savor this week:
Full Moon
Full moon and hospital – as seen on one of our evening walks.
Messages
This inspirational and creative rock garden that we see on our neighborhood rambles.
jumps
Watching the baby grow by leaps and bounds
Helper
The baby helping to sweep, then actually picking up each individual Cheerio and placing it carefully in the dustpan.
This little creekside spot where we go to throw rocks when the playground is too wet with dew.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Dumplings.
Sunday: Leftovers.
Monday: Vegetarian Bibimbap. This was a “use up all the veggies” meal. I always think bibimbap is going to be complicated, but it’s always comes together much faster than I expece.
Tuesday: Shrimp and Pasta from America’s Test Kitchen’s Bowls cookbook.
Wednesday: Chickpea Noodle Soup from America’s Test Kitchen’s Vegan For Everyone. This was really tasty.
Thursday: The Husband cooke and he made fried chicken salad.
Friday: Pizza and some random sit com with puppies. It was the baby’s turn to “choose” the movie and I had started with All Dogs Go to Heaven, but then there was this awkward Asian caricature in it and I decided that we didn’t need to watch anymore of that movie.
The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins, read by Emily Shaffer, Kirby Heyborne, and Lauren Forgang– Jane Eyre is one of my all time favorite books, so this thriller, a contemporary take on the Bronte Classis was kind of my catnip. Mr. Rochester has always been one of my literary crushes and I sort of loved seeing a take on him that was not the Byronic hero. It actually made me see how the original Mr. Rochester could be seen as quite a toxic character. I listened on audiobook and it was gripping – I’ve decided that thrillers/mysteries are one of my favorite audiobook genres.
Severance by Ling Ma – I think I actually read this this summer. I read a hard copy borrowed from the library, so it’s a little hard to tell. This novel tells the story of Candace Chen, an office worker bee. When a global pandemic hits the world, she finds herself joining up group of people who are travelling to a mysterious destination, trying to stay healthy and alive and not dissolve into anarchy. Certainly a timely book to read during COVID times, the book made me think about themes of family and permanence and what we cling to when the world shuts down.
The Hopefuls by Jennifer Close, read by Jorjeana Marie– This novel is about a couple, Beth and Matt, who move to DC when the husband gets a job in the Obama administration. They meet another political couple, Jimmy and Ashleigh, and the two couples’ personal and political lives become entangled. A deliciously soap opera of a book. I really liked the glimpses of DC, and all the familiar landmarks and restaurants that were mentioned. It made me long for my youthful twenties and indoor dining.
The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow -(6h, 30m) – Hadlow’s novel tells the story of Mary Bennet, the oft ignored middle sister from Pride and Prejudice. Hadlow manages to write a book that feels very much of the same family as Austen, with the same dry wit and insightful observations of humans learning to live in society. I especially loved getting to see Lizzy and Darcy from an outsider’s point of view.
Four Hundred Souls ed. Ibram X. Kendi and Keish N Blain, written and read by various people– This book is a collection of writings that tell the history of Black people in America. Each writer takes on a five year span starting from 1619 – when the ship the White Lion brings “some 20-and-odd Negros” to Virginia – to the present day. I would hesitate to call it a collective history because so many of the chapters are about and individual experience, and I don’t think that any one individual can tell the history of the whole. The majority of the stories in this book are events or people that I’ve never heard about, and that makes me realize that the idea of “history is written by the victors” is incredibly problematic. Stories of oppression and injustice need to be told and not just a casualty of the dominant culture writing the history books.
The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson – (4h 25m) This novel combines two obscure bits of Kentucky history – the Pack Horse Library Project of the 1930s and the blue people of Kentucky. Cussy Mary Carter is one of the blue people- people with a genetic condition that makes their skin blue. She works delivering books to people in rural Kentucky who do not have access to them.
Hench by by Natalie Zina Walschots – (7h, 3m) This satirical novel is about Anna, an office worker who happens to work in the office of a Super Villain. As Anna rises professionally, she dismantles the mythology of Super Heroes. It’s a perceptive look at work place dynamics and how everything has a flip side and that flip side is very flawed and human. I enjoyed this book immensely.
Madeline’s World: A Biography of a Three Year Old by Brian Hall – This is a very detailed account of the first three years in the life of Hall’s daughter Madeline, beginning with her birth. It was fascinating and tedious… much like young children. Hall’s careful observation of Madeline’s every move, sound, gesture, and development certainly made me feel like I was missing out on a lot of my child’s life. But then again, if someone paid me to write a book about the minutia of a baby/toddler, I might be more observant. I’m somewhat kidding on that. My favorite observation in the book, in reference to his daughter’s preference for an image in a book over the real thing: “… it did unsettle me that she was thus learning, so early, to value the representation over the real.” I do think about this a lot… how to have children live in a world of real things. And who gets to define that?
Invisible Women:Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez – (8h 1m) Criado Perez is a journalist and advocate who focusses on women’s rights and issues. In her book, she details the many ways that women are left to a disadvantage because of a failure to account for them when data is collected using a male default. Reading this book made me so angry because by not accounting for the data of women, it creates a world that is unsafe, unhealthy and unfair for women. From crash test dummies to signs of heart attacks, from not valuing the unpaid work of women in GDP to not realizing the value of a diverse leadership, women are at a disadvantage and in many cases it is literally killing them. One of the most findings I found most upsetting was how the lack of gendered bathroom facilities in places with communal restrooms – ie. refugee camps, third world countries, etc. – creates an environment where women don’t feel safe going to the bathroom alone or at night because of the real possibility of being assaulted. “When planners fail to account for gender,” she writes, “public spaces become male spaces by default.” Such an eye opening read.
-Outside of the swim center where I take the baby for swim classes, there are hammocks. They are part of kind of public/private art space. After swim lessons last week, we spent a good ninety minutes on the playground, then wandered over to the hammocks and cuddled and swung the in the crisp autumn air. There is a beautiful timeless quality to be found in a good hammock.
-Night time walks. The sun is setting earlier and earlier these days. But some days, dinner is done and put away and we still have half an hour until bed time. In the summer we would take and evening walk, and Sunday night, I thought, “Why not?” So I got out the flashlights and we took an evening flashlight walk.
flashlighting the way!
-On the flip side – the sun rise is also later, and Friday brought this beautiful sky. It certainly made it worth my while to take the trash out.
red sky at morning….
Three things I’m cautiously optimistic about:
-I’ve started running. Running has never been my thing. To be honest, exercise has never been my thing. But something about turning forty made me realize that while I’m actually a pretty healthy eater, there is probably more that I could be doing to stay physically strong. Particularly these days when life is rather sedentary. I credit the “on your feet” nature of being a stage manager with a lot of my passive good health. So anyhow, I’ve started running while I’m waiting for the four year old’s soccer and Mandarin sessions. By running, I mean I walk for 30 seconds, jog for 1 minute, and repeat until the voice in my head tells me to stop. By “voice in my head” I mean the Audible training program that I downloaded.
– The kid’s toy room is passably tidy these days. We had a moment a few weekends ago where the mess – or rather the lack of picking up of said mess – really got to me. So I told the four year old – because let’s be honest, it’s mostly his mess – that he could only have two of his four bins of building toys and he could chose what. He chose the tracks and the Magnaformers. The Duplos and the small blocks went away to the highest shelf in the closet, along with a small box of Barbie clothes and accessories. I’m not sure if removing two bins of toys has lead to a tidier toy room, but I can now walk into the room without the searing pain of stepping on small toys, so I’m calling that a win. I had a thought the other day as to whether letting the toys have a separate toy/ play room is actually a good thing, or whether it discourages family togetherness. I should probably just stop reading parenting books and do whatever keeps me sane and my feet pain free. So far, it hasn’t been as awful as I’d always imagined running would be. I go nice and slow and I don’t push myself to breathlessness, except maybe the last sprint of the run.
-I’ve decided to quite Facebook for a little bit. Facebook went offline a couple weeks ago, and it was kind of the nudge I needed to quit. Or at least to sit with not having it in my life for a little bit. I found myself spending way too much time on all the random groups I had joined – and while I miss being on the groups for the fountain of opinions and thoughts and information that I could find there, and also as a forum for me to share my opinions, thoughts, and information – some of them could be incredibly toxic, and judgmental. And I found myself getting very judgmental as well. So I just stopped. And interestingly, my screen time hasn’t gone down, but that’s because I’m reading a lot more. I mean I still spend a lot of time scrolling random blogs and websites, but even still, I finished five books last week. I’m still trying to figure out if there is a replacement for Facebook groups, but maybe I should just learn to live with a smaller sphere of voices vying for my attention.
Okay – one thing I’m not optimistic about: the door knob cover that I had put on the pantry to prevent the baby from getting into the spices has proved… ineffective. It took her about two days to figure it out. Sigh.
And a mixed blessing: Beautiful weather. Freakishly warm weather for mid October. So while I am basking in golden temperatures to accompany the golden leaves, I worry for the global environmental conditions that allow this.
And this moment of beauty:
Is this what is meant by “dappled sunlight”?
We’ve been reading some Robert Frost and the other day, walking from the park to drop the kids to school, I looked back and the sunlight shimmering through the leaves and breathlessly thought of the Frost poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay”:
Nature’s first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf’s a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Takeout from our favorite Burmese restaurant, which, tragically, is closing at the end of the month. I will miss their green tealeaf salad.
Sunday: Leftovers.
Monday: Zucchini with Bucatini, inspired after I listened to Stanly Tucci’s interview on Fresh Air.
Tuesday: Sausage and Peppers. Forgot to defrost the sausage, so cooked them in the Instant Pot, though the Husband pointed out you can grill frozen sausages.
Wednesday: The Husband made fettuccini alfredo. It was his mother’s favorite dish, and Wednesday would have been her birthday.
Thursday: Tamarind Chickpeas with Greens from Milk Street’s Tuesday Night Dinners. I really liked this dish. The baby loved the chickpeas.
Friday: Pizza (purchased because we forgot to defrost the pizza dough) and Baketopia (again) because last week’s Baketopia got cut short.
