goals – Life Off Headset

Goals and Aspirations – Fall review and now til 2023

I thought I might review how I did on my Fall Goals and Aspirations before diving into goals and aspirations for the rest of the year:

Hallowe’en Costumes – done and I was quite happy with the results. The two littles had their store bought Star Wars Costumes, and we made the ten year old her iPod costumes (which is now in the recycling bin…). I did not make myself a costume for backstage. I had thought about going as RBG, but then I felt super self-conscious about it so abandoned the idea.

Jack o’ Lanterns – did not do this. Oh well. I’m a little sad, but with me working most nights up til Hallowe’en and us not having trick or treaters, it just didn’t seem like a priority this year.

Attic Clean Out – Nope. But I did get rid of the Cardboard UPS truck and bundle a bunch of baby clothes to be given away. So incremental progress on ridding the house of stuff.

Apple Picking – Nope. But we did buy lots and lots of apples from the farm stand, and we made apple pie and apple sauce. Which is where it’s at for me, really.

Fall Camping – yay! Did manage an overnight to Lake Burke. I’m so glad I managed to squeeze this one in.

Hiking in Fall Colour – I hiked the Billy Goat Trail with my friend. I did a few small woodsy walks throughout the Fall.

Celebrate the Baby’s Birthday – just a small family celebration. But there was cake, and a sombrero and free ice cream.

Go to the Theatre – Yes! We saw Hamilton in September, and we also had a family trip to the opera, and saw a small show by a local Children’s Theatre in October.

Survive Tech Week – The show I was working on was a nice small opera – only 110 minutes long, no big chorus scenes, only one set look. This definitely contributed to one of the most balanced tech weeks I’ve had in a long time. I got to run, I packed healthy lunches (to offset the massive amounts of Sour Patch Kids that I consumed), and I even read a book while lightwalking. Not sure if The Husband felt like it was balanced, though… tech week is always hard on him, I think

Fix the Storm Door – Not quite yet. The Husband ordered a new door and it will be installed when it gets here.

Window Treatments for the Living Room – Nope. Such a daunting thing.

Ziplining with the Ten Year Old – Nope. I had thought to do it next week, but the weather has gotten cold, and I think the place is closing for the season soon.

Cozy Kitchen Adventures – well I made a pie. And then three weeks later with the leftover pie dough and filling I made a galette. There needs to be more of this.

Watch some recent movies – I have been home for something like two movie nights this fall, so I haven’t watched as many as I wanted. Oh well, I guess it’s good to have a list of things I want to see so that I don’t spend my time scrolling through trailers when I do sit down on the couch.

Happy Hour with Mom’s Group – Nope, but I have one planned for tomorrow!

Happy Hour with Stage Managers – sort of. I had one colleague over for dinner and we had an after work happy hour with the other stage managers on the show I was working with. I kind of wish I had been more social work-wise because I’m feeling out of the loop in my industry. Oh well. Need to do some deep thinking about this issue.

Free Days that are Restorative and Fulfilling -how is that for a very vague unquantifiable goal? not quite sure what grade I would give myself on this one.

Okay – that was fall. Now goals and aspirations from now til the end of the year. It’s a mix of “to do” and “for fun”. I feel like there is definitely lots more things on the “to do” portion list than I am putting below, but it’s a start.

Holiday Cards – I’d like to get them out by the second week of December. Let’s say December 10th. Which means I should probably order them by December 1st. I have a design picked out, I just have to write our letter and pick the photos.

Plan Birthday Parties – the two older kids have January birthdays and I know if I don’t plan them in December, they will get lost in the holiday madness and I will be scrambling come January. I think we’re going to actually have some kind of party for them, with friends, the first since 2020. The last birthday party we had was at the local fire station for the 5 year old (then turning three), in January of 2020. The oldest wants a sleepover/ movie theatre gathering and the middle kid wants a Chuck E. Cheese party.

Read a Lengthy Book – Something to immerse myself in during winter. I’ve started reading The Weight of Ink, which is 560 pages long, so it will for sure last me a while – particularly since I always read 3 or 4 books at a time. If I get through that, I’m thinking of picking up Juliet Barker’s biography of the Bronte sisters or Robert Massie’s biography on Catherine the Great.

Make Sure Kids have Winter Gear – We got out hats and mittens for the kids this week. I need to make sure they have snowpants/ snow suits. Who knows what the snow will be like this year, but best to be prepared.

Go Sledding – since I finally bought a sled this year. Of course this is very weather dependent.

Barring that, go ice skating – I love skating. We have indoor ice rinks and outdoor ice rinks here – I prefer the indoor rinks for the amount of space, and the outdoor rinks for the festive atmosphere.

Cook at least two vegan dinners a week – I tend to overindulge with the Holiday food, so I’m hoping to balance that with some vegan meals. Not that vegan necessarily means healthy, to be honest. But vegan usually means more vegetables.

Watch Holiday Movies – we’ve made a list!

TubaChristmas! – Tubas playing Christmas carols. What else could one ask for? The Husband and I have gone to the concert almost every year since we met.

Put up Christmas Lights on the House – I’m not a huge decorator of interior spaces, but I do love seeing our house adorned with Christmas lights.

Widow Treatments for the Living Room – Setting a micro goal of ordering samples at least.

Find the perfect leggings – The leggings I ordered from Pact did not fit, so back they went. Ugh. This is what I want: cotton leggings (with a bit of stretch) with a tech pocket, in a colour not black. I have a pair of cotton leggings from Jockey that I actually love, but they don’t make them in other colours. I’m thinking of trying Duluth Trading Company leggings, but they are an investment.

See a Christmas Light Display – there are many options for this around us. We might try Zoo Lights since it is back for the first time since the pandemic. Or we might do a drive through one so we can play Christmas music in the car and sip our hot cocoa as we drive.

Finish my 1000 hours outside – In September of last year, I started tracking my outdoor time with the goal of getting to 1000 hours in one year. I didn’t make it, and now I have maybe 75 hours to go. (I probably have less than that since I gave up tracking last month so there’s about three weeks’ worth of outdoor time that I didn’t track.) It’s ambitious, but if I can get to 1000 by the end of the year, I will be able to start fresh in 2023.

Take the kids to the theatre – I’m thinking either Beauty and the Beast or Into the Woods.

Read Christmas Books with the kids – I don’t know that we’ll do advent picture books like in years past, but I do plan on checking out books from the library about winter and the holiday season. Also- definitely plan to have a road trip and listen to Elaine Stritch’s read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. Funniest Christmas story ever.

See a Christmas Train Display – There are a couple options for this – the U.S. Botanical Gardens and our local Botanical Gardens. And of course we could always make the trip to Longwood Gardens.

Do More Laundry – The Husband does almost all the Laundry, and I want to help out more with that since I’ll be home more the next couple of weeks.

Christmas Shopping mindfully – I feel as if I’m still trying to figure out the balance of how to gift give with intent and without going overboard. Also there are teacher gifts and holiday tips to have to decide upon so it’s easy to lose track of where the money is going during the end of the year. This is clearly a wonderfully vague goal that I need to break down into actionable steps. It will probably involve lists.

Seasonal Fun lists, regrets, and Fall Aspirations

My first glimpse of Fall colour this year – at Mont Royal in Montreal in AUGUST!!!

Today is officially Fall!

Earlier this month, I was thinking about all the “Summer Fun Lists” I see around the internet and, conversely this article “Our Biggest Regrets from this Summer “ on Slate. I certainly did not do all the activities on my summer fun list, but I did a lot of them. As I watch the last rays of summer fade, I realized that while there are certainly things I did not get to, I don’t really regret not doing them. I think of my Summer List as a brain dump of all the possible fun things to do between mid-June and September, and I don’t have to do them all; I can chose things off the list that suit my mood and situation at any given time. There is no Bingo prize for checking all the boxes. Certainly there are things on the summer list that do require advance planning – travel, seeing friends, activities that require tickets – but many things do not. And being a planning resistant person, I find that it really helps me clarify my priorities to see what I’m willing to put in the effort to plan for or even do on a whim.

Take, for example, my monthly mom’s group happy hour. I’m the one who plans these for my mom’s group, and it usually goes on the calendar three weeks out. I very rarely plan things that far in advance. Of course there are things that go on the calendar that far out, but these are the immovable things that are set by others – swim meets, rehearsal and performance dates, summer camp, etc. My mom’s group happy hour is one of the rare things that I will actively make plans for – I send out a doodle poll for dates and venue suggestions, pick the date and venue, make reservations, tell my Husband so he can plan to be home with the kids that night. It seems like a lot of work, but I feel like mom’s group happy hour is a priority – I love seeing these moms and swapping stories about poop.

The things on my list that I decide to do last minute or the day before – it’s not really a question of priority – it’s just that I think the priority during the summer is to get out and enjoy the sunshine, so any one of a variety of activities will do. I feel so lucky that there are so many wonderful adventures to have near me that can be pulled off impulsively, so there will always be worthwhile and beautiful things to do. As Oliver Burkeman notes in 4000 Weeks – once one realizes the finite nature of life, one can let go of the infinite possibilities and focus on those things that one actually chooses to do.

Last year, we tried to complete the Maryland Ice Cream Trail, and were a little bummed not to get to all ten creameries on the list and vowed to complete it this year. But you know what? We only made it to two of the ten this year, and I’m fine with that. We still had tasty ice cream. Last year we went to three creameries in one day in our quest and that was arguably not a great move. A great memory, but still… regrettable in other ways.

Alright, now that I think of it, I do have one summer regret – I regret signing the ten year old up for County camp. She didn’t love it (apparently the kids were mean) and it was a bit of a schlep for me. Of course hindsight is 20/20 because she loved the camp last year – but this year, I guess it was a different group of kids. At any rate, now I know and I think next year, we will do fewer weeks of camp. Perhaps over winter break I will have her come up with a list of all the possible things she might be interested in doing and then.

I’m not saying there aren’t other things that I wish I had done more of or less of this summer, but I don’t think I had a summer to regret.

Having said all that, Here are some thoughts and aspirations for Fall, roughly (if not technically) between now and Thanksgiving.

Hallowe’en Costumes. I love making Hallowe’en costumes. Last year’s Millenium Falcon was certainly epic for me. This year, however, the two littles wanted to be something that was going to be far simpler to just buy. The ten year old, however, has a more creative idea in mind. I think she was a little disappointed that she couldn’t top her brother’s Millenium Falcon last year (but honestly, what could?). So this year she has an idea that will be a lot of fun and involves cardboard. Or maybe foam core. We’ll see.

Carve a Jack-o’-Lantern, or two or three. I love pumpkin carving. I’m actually working on Hallowe’en this year, so I’ll have to pre-game. Maybe I should also come up with an appropriate costume to wear backstge?

Another round of attic clean out. Finally work up the heart to get rid of the baby stuff.

Apple Picking. If not apple picking then at least apple sauce and apple pie.

Fall Camping. Given my lack of two day weekends this one is very very aspirational.

Hiking in fall colour. Hopefully once a month. By the looks of this fall foliage predicator, it seems like peak colour with happen in our area around the end of October. The Husband is taking the kids to New York to meet up with my parents that weekend, and since that is tech week, I won’t be going. However…. that means that I will have a day off my myself, so I think I will plan a hike on that free day. Or maybe even a bike ride. There are also lots of hikes and activities that our County Parks department sponsors. They always look really interesting and informative, so I want to see if any will fit in our schedule.

Celebrate the baby’s birthday. This is actually this weekend. I didn’t get it together to plan a party, but we have family in town and we will have cake and balloons (shhh… this last will be a surprise). And she got to pick her breakfast cereal at the grocery store this week, a tradition in our household. She picked Fruity Pebbles.

Go to the Theatre. This one is practically done. I have tickets for Hamilton this weekend, purchased four months ago. I never plan theatre (or anything, really) that far out in advance, but last spring I decided that I wanted to take the two older kids so I went ahead and bought the tickets. I did kick myself later because I didn’t double check my dates – it’s the baby’s birthday weekend plus the kids have Monday off school, so maybe we could have taken a bigger family adventure. Oh well.
Hamilton aside, there’s a lot of other really interesting theatre happening near us – this production of Beauty and the Beast looks to be unconventional and awesome.

Survive Tech Week. Keep practicing good habits and making sure I stay human and don’t become a theatre zombie during a tech process that I might be dreading a teeny tiny bit.

Fix the Storm Door. The glass on the storm door got broken by a child a few weeks ago. It’s a pretty old door so will need to be replaced, I think.

Make progress towards ordering window treatments for the living room. We’ve had a stop gap solution in place for a while since our curtain rod broke. It involves sheers and some too-small black panels. I would like to take a step or two towards having proper window treatments in place again.

Ziplining with the ten year old. I had planned on taking her this summer, but it was just too hot, so we put it off until Fall.

Cozy Kitchen Adventures. Who says Fall Adventures have to mean leaving the house? Fall is the start of “hunker and carbs” season. I do want to make something in my Bundt pan since my last attempt was such a wet goopy fail.

Watch some recent movies. Cooler weather means hunkering and watching movies is a good way to hunker. I’m not always able to stay awake for a full movie these days, but there are some that I really want to stay awake for. I am super excited by this adaptation of on of my favorite books as a child, Catherine Called Birdy. AND the ten year old has read this book, so we can watch it together. Also Fire Island has been on my Watchlist all summer. It’s a gay Asian re-telling of Pride and Prejudice, and all of that is just my catnip.

Happy Hour with my mom’s group. A lot of the parents in this group prefer outdoor meet ups so I definitely want to get a few more Happy Hours in before the weather gets too chilly.

Happy Hour with fellow Stage Managers. There has been a seismic shift in the stage management staff at work this past year and it’s made me realize that I really value the my co-workers as human beings, not just as people I work with. The thought of not seeing them at all this opera season makes me a little sad, so I would love to arrange something.

Free Days that are restorative and fulfilling. Given that I’m working every weekend between next week and the middle of November, I don’t know how many of the Fall weekend specific things I’ll manage to get to – things such as Fall Festivals and Special Fall Events. Since I generally only have one day off a week, I really want to guard that time and spend it on what matters. I’ve been thinking about this lately – how to spend my one precious free day. When I have chaotic and hectic free days, I don’t feel at all ready to go back to work. A good free day needs to be a good combination of life tasks and family tasks and personal tasks and leisure tasks and social time and rest. Which seems like a lot to ask of just one day. So maybe I need to pick three of those categories each free day, with rest always being one of the choices.

Weekly recap + what we ate: off balance

This was my first week back at work. Prep week, where we get things ready on our end for rehearsals to start. It was a little bit of a struggle because there were some childcare issues so the Husband and I had to split our time watching the baby for the first three days. Oh my goodness, huge hugs and props to all the working parents who juggled kids at home whole working… it’s all kind of a mess, and continues to be, I know.

I did make it back into the office. My desk was pretty much as I left it 23 months ago, including the above pictured joke pad that one of my colleagues left me. The last time we worked on a show together, we would read a silly joke page after every rehearsal day, one of those things we did so we would remember to laugh at least once a day. The pictures of my kids were still pinned to my cubicle walls, though they were all two years younger, the baby only five months old when we were all sent home from work. My pencils and post-its were where I had left them in March 2020, the binder of the show I never opened sat next to the groundplans for the shows that opened but never finished their run. My hot water kettle, waiting to be filled with water and be set to work burbling hot water for my afternoon tea. It was almost like stepping back and picking things up right where we left them, only we are now all wearing masks and a new sense of fragility and gratitude.

Working in theatre is not a normal 9a-5p job, and over the past months I’ve thought a lot about how I can do better at balancing the inconsistent hours with some consistency in the things that make make me feel human and not like a worker bee. The hours can be long and odd, and there is this notion that people should make sacrifices for their art, but I think that saying art is about humanity is pointless if I’m sacrificing my own humanity to help create it.

I’ve made a list of things that I want to make sure I find time for even when things get busy.
– Sleep. I’m a huge revenge bedtime procrastinator. Lately, though, I’m finding that maybe because I’m getting older or maybe because of the rhythm and demands of pandemic life, I really feel it when I only get 4-5 hours of sleep several nights in a row. One night of 4 hours might be okay, but more than that, and I crash hard on the subsequent nights. So yeah, asleep by midnight is my goal.
– Time outside. I don’t know that I’ll be able to make the 1000 hours outside goat of 2.75 hours outside every day, but I do want to find at least 30 mins a day to be outside. Hopefully I can still walk the kids to the bus stop and school, so that’s at least 40 mins. But the days when that doesn’t work out, I can take time at lunch. Last week on my lunch break, I sat outside to eat lunch and then took a walk around the block, which I thought worked out well.
–Communication with family/ the Husband. I think the person who feels the most pressure from my awkward hours is the Husband who is at home with the kids every single night. A lot of our stress comes from the evening hours being inconsistent – some weeks I’m home two nights a week, some weeks I’m home for dinner, some not…. I want to make sure I communicate with him ahead of time the expectations for that evenings and weekends. Also we need to set time to sit down and look at the calendar so that things don’t fall through the cracks. (hello, upcoming tax season!) And then remembering to call home on my dinner breaks to check in since the Husband is often asleep when I get home from the evening rehearsals.
– Meal plan and stock up on healthy snacks. We haven’t been great about meal planning the past few weeks, and I want to be more deliberate about it – particularly meal planning dinner with the Husband so that the burden of dinner doesn’t fall completely on him. Whenever possible, prep dinner before I leave for work so that dinner is simple when he gets home. Also having healthy snacks in the office for when the hours get long.
– Exercise – even if it’s 15 minutes of yoga in the morning, I want to have a more consistent plan. I also want to see if I can get a short run (not that I do anything but short runs) in when I have long breaks between rehearsals.
–Drink water – I realized last week that because I have to wear a mask all day, I’m not drinking as much water as I normally do. So I just need to remember. Maybe I can make it some kind of automatic behavioral thing…
–Making time to journal/write/plan/read. Activities to clear my head and help me keep things in perspective. Sometimes I can lose track of the world happening outside of the rehearsal room or the theatre

So that’s the aspirational plan to stay human.

This episode of the Happiness Lab about anger popped up in my feed Wednesday evening as I was making dinner. Somewhat ironically… I had had a tough ten minutes involving noodles and grocery resentment. The moment resulted in me throwing my favorite kitchen spoon in frustration and anger. And my favorite kitchen spoon broke. It was not a great moment and now my favorite kitchen spoon is irretrievably shattered. Something about the directions on the noodle being only in Japanese and then them turning into a gelatinous clump in the pot and dinner being jeopardized (of course my mind spun and catastrophized) and not being able to go to the store and choose my own noodles and n0 one coming to help me (though I don’t know rationally what anyone could have done to save the clumpy noodles)… anyhow. Not my finest moment of zen and calm, I am somewhat ashamed to say.

And you know what, it all turned out fine. I rinsed the noodles, pulled them apart by hand and they were delicious. I apologized to the Husband for yelling and looked sadly at the broken spoon. The Husband, very sweetly was already trying to find a replacement, but I’ve been trying to find a replacement for ages and have been unsuccessful. And this is actually the second time I’ve smashed a kitchen utensil in anger. So there is that.

Afterwards I was listening to that Happiness episode on anger, and something they said stood out for me – on the podcast, the therapist/expert Faith Harper said that holding in your anger is like pushing down a beach ball under water; eventually it will pop up and hit you in the face. So the trick is being able to take a step back and figure out what your anger is telling you because emotion is your body and brain trying to tell you something. I’m going to sit with that for a while. Because I think often I try to rationalize away my anger, and really the emotion can be more useful if it is accepted than if it is dismissed.

Two quotes from Harper that I really want to remember when I need to be forgiving of myself and of other people:

“You’re not responsible for your first thought. You’re responsible for your second thought and your first behavior.”

“We’re not perfect… I don’t know that we get better so much as we get better at it… Nobody has this down; we are all works in process”

Some hodge-podge bits from the week:

This lost doll at the playground, waiting for her owner. Kind of creepy, kind of whimsical:

It was the Husband’s birthday this past week. He has said he didn’t want a cake, or any celebratory dessert. But I couldn’t just let his birthday go by like that. So I made him a key lime pie. It’s one of his favorite desserts and it’s so super easy and only takes about 45 minutes to make. The ten year old made a slideshow presentation for him where she asked me and her siblings our favorite things about him and then compiled them into slides. It was so super cute and thoughtful and made me laugh.

I found myself downtown one day last week, and decided to pick up Chinese take-out from this place where we used to eat all the time when we were young urban city dwellers. The kung pao chicken is the Husband’s favorite, so much so that we ordered a tray of it for our rehearsal dinner even though we had moved into the suburbs by then. Much to our surprise, the owner himself drove the food all the way up to us in wintery rush hour traffic.

Anyhow, as I was waiting for our food to be ready, I wandered down to the used bookstore down the block. It’s the kind of place that has carts of books out front for $4/each. I found this book among the piles and it immediately took me back to my childhood:

It’s one of those books put forth by National Geographic in the 80s. We had a copy of this book when I was growing up, and I loved looking at the glossy yet raw pictures of life in the various parts of China. Even though in the book, Taiwan was included as part of China, I never felt any kind of kinship with the Asian faces in the pages; it all seemed so different and exotic. There was something odd, too, about my parents, who have always been staunchly pro-Taiwanese Independence, having a book that celebrated China.

For some reason the first line of the introduction have always stuck with me:
“When I was a child my mother warned me, as I dug a large hole in our backyard flower garden, that if I kept on digging I would end up in China.”
As a child, this idea was fascinating- digging a hole to emerge in a place so different from where I was… it seemed not like the introduction to a coffee table book, but rather the beginning of an adventure story.

And this week- the first glimpse of Spring. Is it too early? Will they make it? Stay tuned to find out….

What We Ate:

Saturday: Grilled veggies and pork chops using a bulgogi marinade. There is something really fun about grilling in 30 degree weather. I was always a charcoal grill person, until I got at gas grill and realized how much easier it was.

Sunday: Leftovers.

Monday: Chicken Katsu and Cabbage Salad from Dinner Illustrated

Tuesday: Breakfast Sandwiches

Wednesday: Orange Tofu and Sugar Snap Pea Stir Fry.

Thursday: The family had tortellini and red sauce and salad. When i got home from work I had half a pack of olives, croutons, and the leftover tofu from Wednesday. Eaten standing up in the kitchen while trying to urge the kids to get ready for bed.

Friday: Pizza and Frozen. It was the baby’s turn to pick the movie so we lined up all the animated dvds that we had and let her choose one. I think she picked Frozen because she loves snowmen.