My camera roll is surprisingly empty this week. Well, empty of pictures that I took myself. It is somehow filled with selfies taken by the nine year old. Sometimes she loops her brother and sister into her shenanigans. As a result, I get surprise photos and videos in my feed when the iPad synchs with the cloud. I find it a cute, even while I am annoyed that she is co-opting my iCloud storage. The other day we had words about something and she recorded an apology on the iPad that popped up in my photo roll on my phone. It was hard to stay mad at that.
Anyhow this week was kind of a fresh start. The nine year old started camp and I started prep for my next show. I had enrolled the nine year old in a county camp – nothing fancy, just arts, crafts, games and plenty of time outdoors. The main virtue of the camp, quite honestly, was that it was incredibly inexpensive – $275 for six weeks, when most camps charge at least that much for a single week – and also that it is about a mile and a half from our house. She did walk to camp one morning with my dad, and I’m thinking I might do the walk with her on mornings when I don’t have to be at work in the morning. The one shortcoming of the camp is that it only runs until 3pm. This isn’t a problem for me since my parents pick her up, but I do realize that this makes this super affordable camp a non-option for many working parents.
For me, it was a combination of working from home and a day or two working on site. I’m learning to be more efficient with my time when I’m working at home. Working from home was definitely much easier this week since my parents were in town and could help watch the kids.
Even though I try not obsessively document my life in photos, I do notice that when my photo roll is empty, it means I’ve been particularly immersed in the “doing” of life, rather than remembering to take time to find the things to be savor or to be grateful for.
Good things this week, then: – long visit with a friend whose kids are at the camp adjacent to the nine year old’s camp. It was great to catch up and talk about deep and frivolous things. The two younger kids came along and the four year old plays cars by himself for ninety minutes. I love that he can get in such a flow state of play. Also – I showed him a transformer and he was adorably amazed. “It’s a truck that turns into a robot!!!!” – The nine year old had a couple swim meets this week. I took her to one and the Husband took her to one. I’m still finding it a little awkward to make conversation with other parents at these meets, but I do enjoy seeing the event management and planning that goes on to make the meets happen. The parents are all assigned tasks at the meet; I was a timer. Putting stage management skills to work, I guess. I find it interesting to see other pools as we travel for meets. – I am really excited for this next opera I’m working on because it reunites me with a colleague whom I absolutely love working with. Actually she was one of the reasons I decided to take this job.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Snack dinner – hummus, crackers, cheese, whatever I could scrounge from the fridge. Still recovering from the camping trip.
Sunday: Burrito bowls from Dinner Illustrated. Pantry meal.
Monday: Hot dog at swim meet and Chipotle afterwards
The other day I turned my back and the baby dumped a box of Cheerios on the floor. I snapped a picture and sent it to my friend. “Cheerios are my version of Nutcracker snow, ” I wrote.
For those who don’t work backstage, let me explain. At the end of the first act of the perennial Christmas favorite The Nutcracker, there is a huge snow scene. Vast amounts of snow is dropped from above the stage, blanketing the stage, drifting into the wings, coating the dancers. So much snow also means intermission clean up. I am forever finding little white bits of Nutcracker snow somewhere backstage, even deep into spring. But it is huge part of the show. So every performance snow gets showered on the floor. And every intermission the crew sweeps it up so they can set for the next act.
(I guess the opera version of Nutcracker snow would be Madama Butterfly flower petals. And there was a recent production of Eugene Onegin that featured a leaf drop with similar pervasiveness.)
And so it is with that box of Cheerios. It starts on the table. The baby dumps it on the floor. I clean it up. It gets dumped on the floor again. The cycle begins again. And for the rest of the day, I will be finding Cheerios in all obscure corners of the dining room.
Putting up a show is often an exercise in creating and then dismantling then restoring in order to create again. A scene moves forward, props get used then discarded. Costume pieces get worn then removed. Scenery shifts. Then you get to the end of the show and then everything gets returned to it’s starting place so you can do it all over again. And the same things happen again. The same props move, the same costume pieces are put on and off, the same scenery changes position. Then the crew scrambles to put it all back together again.
We call it “Re-setting for the Top”, this act of putting everything back to where we started so that we can do it all over again.
But in reality, it’s not always the same. Particularly in rehearsal. Things change, singers find new nuances in their portrayal. Directors change traffic patterns to clarify the story they are trying to tell. Dancers, adjust a position or a movement. Even stage managers, who are supposed to be the soul of consistency, even we find subtle ways to make things better or more efficient – perhaps that prop should be preset facing the other way for ease of pick up. Or maybe this entrance order needs to be adjusted to get those who sing first onstage at the front of the line. Or maybe I need to move that post-it in my book so that I see it sooner and throw the cue on time. There are always big tweaks and little tweaks that can be made.
The second act of La Boheme, despite being one of the busiest scenes in all of opera-dome is actually quite short – usually kissing twenty minutes. In a three hour rehearsal, even with thirty minutes of chorus breaks, you can run Act Two at least five times, maybe six or seven if you’re fast at re-setting. That’s a lot of re-setting. But at the same time, it’s a lot of chances to figure out how to make things better.
There is a saying that life isn’t a dress rehearsal, the implication being that the curtain is up and we are living our one shot in front of an audience. But I think, the people who say this don’t truly understand rehearsal. Or life. I think, perhaps life is indeed like a rehearsal. Despite this being our one precious life, I don’t think that we are here to get it right on the first take; it’s a process. It’s a process of learning and trying and failing and clarifying and then trying again. Perhaps we need to be more forgiving of ourselves and of others and realize that everyone should get an opportunity to reset for the top, another chance to try things again until one arrives where one wants to be.
This includes that baby and the box of Cheerios. I’ll keep resetting that box, and perhaps one day, instead of dumping the Cheerios on the floor, she will finally figure out how to pour it into her bowl and get herself breakfast.
I’ve realized this week, that no matter how long the rehearsal process, we still go through all the stages. And yes, even as a stage manager, I feel it. Sometimes more than others. In a way, a pretty short rehearsal process, as I just went through, is perhaps even more exhausting than a longer one because these emotional stages are condensed; even as I found myself arriving in one stage, I was already moving into the next stage. So in a way having a short rehearsal process where we are working two sessions a day can be just as emotionally taxing as a longer rehearsal session with three sessions a day. The mental journey you take is still the same.
All in all, though, it’s been really great to get back. There have been so many moments when I stop and I just feel so comfortable and happy to be doing my job again. At the end of our final dress rehearsal, I was standing out onstage as Maestro gave his notes, and I gazed out into the house. Of course, in an outdoor space, gazing out into the house means (at that late hour) gazing out into the inky night sky and feeling the cool summer breeze. I was told we were lucky to be in the space on a mild summer nights. Some nights it gets upwards of 100 degrees!
A good friend of mine will every so often post as her Facebook status: “I get to go to rehearsal today!” And every day I’ve felt that. Maybe it’s because I’ve been away for a year+ , but I feel very lucky and excited to be able to be in rehearsal again.
Opera in COVID times is certainly interesting. We have a COVID Compliance coordinator in the room with us, advising us on whether or not what we are doing is within the guidelines we were given. I feel like we are being very conservative, but because of the aerosol nature of singing, I think being cautious is important. So the singers are asked to maintain 6′ of distance between each other when standing still, and 17″ when they are singing. As much as possible, props are not shared. If they are shared, or touched by multiple people – they get santized.
I try to be a pretty stoic stage manager. But at our first onstage rehearsal, as the singers came to stage, stepping out of the wings for the first time in over a year, their tears of joy left me a little verklempt. There were lights, there was an orchestra, there was rows and rows of seats stretching back back back. There was vast expanse of space to filled with music. There was the darkness of backstage and standing in the wings. There was a crew of familiar faces – such a welcome sight after over a year. There were dressing rooms (freshly renovated!), and the soft light of dressing room mirrors. And there was this easy going sense of gratitude that we got to be here again.
Other things that happened – I accidentally set off the fire alarm at work one day. It. was. mooooortifying. I was putting away some music stands and they fell off the rack, hitting the wall in just the right way so as to trigger the fire alarm. We had to clear the building and the fire department had to come to turn off the alarm. Luckily (?) we were on a rehearsal break, so we didn’t lose that much rehearsal time. But still. One of those “I can’t believe I did that” moments.
Life: We joined a pool this summer. The nine year old really wanted to join a swim team this year. I debated whether or not to join a private pool or just go to the County pools this summer. The County pools have more features and could potentially be less expensive, but they don’t all have a swim team and are a little farther away. Then I found out that one of the private pools in our area has a trial membership option, which seemed like a low stakes way to dip our foot in the world of swim team and pool membership. They also offered swim lessons, so I signed the four year old up for that as well. It’s a pretty modest pool, and shows its age a little bit, but I’m actually really excited to spend some lazy afternoons there.
I think we’ve reached the tail end of cicada season. It’s certainly been fascinating. The noise, the crunchy exoskeletons piling up, the swarms of bugs on trees, a trail up the treetop.
What We Ate – catching up version/ somewhat incomplete.
Saturday: Sausage and peppers on sub rolls
Sunday:
Monday: Memorial Day – so we went to a friend’s house and had bbq and lots of snacks. I made a pasta salad to bring.
Tuesday: Red curry rice noodles from Dinner Illustrated. Had some yellow squash to use up.
Wednesday: The Husband Cooked since it was my first day actually going into the office.
Thursday: White Bean and Fennel Stew from Milk Street Fast and Slow. Make ahead dinner to be ready for everyone when they got home from dance class.
Friday: pizza and I Spy. A cute family film about a CIA agent and the spunky kid he teams up with.
Saturday:
Sunday:
My first full week back at work was a lot of make ahead meals that I could throw together in the morning so that the family could have dinner waiting for them after swim practice:
Monday: Greek Pasta Salad – same recipe as Memorial Day.
Tuesday: Black bean tacos with mango salsa. Black Beans made in the Instant Pot from Milk Street Fast and Slow.
Wednesday: The Husband cooked. I think he made fish, but I didn’t make it home in time for dinner
Thursday: Mushroom Quiche. The Husband made a really tasty side salad. Like so tasty, I was eating the half dried out leftovers the next morning.
Friday: Pizza take out and Hoosiers.
Saturday: My father made beef noodle soup
Sunday:
Monday:
Tuesday: leftovers (for me). Husband and Kids – smoked salmon on bagels.
Wednesday: leftovers (for me). Made some Tzatziki, which the Husband served with Greek chicken and pita
Thursday: Pav Bhaji from Made in India. Also watermelon. I love watermelon season.
Friday: Leftovers (for me). Not sure what the rest of the family ate. Pizza and movie night postponed because of a swim team pep rally.
I told the husband that I wanted four things: 1) a nice picture with all three kids. 2) to go on a hike with everyone 3) a couple hours to myself where I didn’t have to parent 4) to eat dinner without anyone sitting on my lap.
We achieved 1 and 2.
To be fair, when I pointed out to the Husband that #3 didn’t happen, he promptly made plans to allow me time the following weekend (like now! so I can write).
And #4 is honestly probably a lost cause unless I don’t eat with the family.
I don’t know if it’s because of the excessive amount of togetherness this past year as we’ve all been under pandemic lockdown, but “time alone!” seemed to be the most requested mother’s day gift I’ve seen this year among my mom friends and groups. Perhaps last year, when we were newly in staying at home, and COVID cases were rising, mothers were in a better place mentally to savour and cherish the unrelieved time with their kids. But a year later… I think many of us are just burnt out from being responsible for the care, feeding, schooling, providing, working…. from all of it. From having to be so responsible for everyone else. And this mother’s day, I think many of us caregivers just want time to themselves, to slip the bonds of responsibility.
(This is not to say men haven’t had to be responsible too… the Husband has been a very equal partner. But study after study shows that the additional burdens brought about by pandemic living has disproportionately fallen on the shoulders of women. In fact, a lot of men I know are living their best lives right now while working from home….)
On Mother’s Day proper, we went on a hike at Red Rock Wilderness Overlook. The site features some remains of historic buildings – an ice house, carriage house, etc – which I always love seeing. The hike itself at first seemed quite gentle, a grassy meandering stroll through woods that came to an overlook of the Potomac. Perhaps it is the endless Hamilton listening that we’ve been doing lately, but I couldn’t look at this river without thinking of everything it has seen – the lives, the wars, the comings and goings.
As we hiked along the river overlook, we came to a precipitous drop off, across which a tree had fallen. Always up for an adventure, and having somewhat lost the path, we scrabbled downwards until we came to the shores of the Potomac. Here there was ample opportunity to throw rocks and sticks into the river and the nine year old found a rock face to scale. I was quite impressed by how high she managed to climb.
A scramble back up the banks of the river and we found the trail blazes again and headed back to the parking lot. This was a hike that was in our “Best Hikes for Kids” book that I had gotten, which is probably one of the best things I bought all last year. The baby managed a lot of the hike, though the Husband did carry her a couple times. She is getting to be a sturdy little hiker.
The nine year old had Thursday off, so the Husband took a half day and we went to the Air and Space Museum. I had heard that the Smithsonian had been loaned an X-wing Starfighter recently and before it was sent to the Air and Space Museum downtown, it would be cleaned and checked for damage at the restoration hanger at the Air and Space Museum by the airport. So the Husband got us tickets and we spent an afternoon with all manner of aircrafts and flight history. It was our first visit to a museum in over a year and I feel really grateful that we have such easy access to so many museums here. I can’t wait until the rest of the Smithsonian museums open back up. And the National Gallery of Art too. I’ve missed seeing things in real life.
Some tidbits from this week:
A Great Podcast Episode: I was listening to this episode of On Being where Krista Tippett talks to clinical psychologist Christine Runyon about the physiological effect the isolation and stress of the pandemic has had on us. One point that really struck with me is Runyon’s idea that along with “flight”, “fight”, and “freeze,” we, particularly women, also have another survival instinct which is “Tend and Befriend.” They go on to discuss how difficult it has been during the pandemic to not be able to “befriend” or form alliances or gather as a community, because for a lot of women, that is their reaction to a crisis. There are physiological tolls to being alone. The link above is to the broadcast episode; the “tend and befriend” discussion is in the unedited episode, and it was such a fantastic conversation to hear.
The county has put the basketball hoops back up. During the pandemic, at least one hoop on every county court was removed, to prevent people from gathering to play basketball games. Not sure how effective that was. But this week I’ve noticed that all the hoops are back up. One little sign of things going back to normal.
Speaking of which – I’m thinking about the new guidelines from CDC for masking. Or rather unmasking. Namely that fully vaccinated people can resume activities without masks or social distancing. Of course the children are not vaccinated. So I think I will continue to have them mask up at playgrounds and on playdates. I will probably wear a mask when I’m with my kids as a show of solidarity, and also while indoors at stores or what not – particularly since I feel like a lot of businesses around here will keep mask mandates in place. But maybe not? Our County has been somewhat conservative with mask mandates in the past, but they seem to be in line with our state regulations right now, which is for lifting mask mandates. Indoor dining is probably still outside of my comfort zone.
The kids got new shoes! Just in time for summer. I love our shoe store.
Perfect summer snack- cucmbers with “sprinkle”, either Pico Fruta, or Sesame Seaweed Furikake.
Eating vegetables!
Tadpole update – They have legs!
Frugal food wins – Sad bunch of collards, wilted and neglected –> Collard chips! Seasoned with dill, garlic powder, onion powder and nutritional yeast, giving them a nice ranch flavour.
The cicadas have started to emerge. We took an evening walk on Friday night and had to tread carefully. There has been a lot of attention given to the cicadas, I’m actually quite excited.
Four Year Old Quote of the Week: “You have to rise up, just like Hamilton.”
What We Ate:
Saturday: Grilling! Kielbasa from our favorite Polish Deli, and grilled veggies. I love how easy grilling is with the gas grill. I never thought I would convert from charcoal, but while I miss the chemical aftertaste of charcoal, the ease of the gas grill is hard to beat.
Sunday: Indian/ Nepalese food take out.
Monday: Gochujang Roasted Cabbage and Carrots with Udon Noodles and Pan Fried Tofu.
Tuesday: Pasta Salad with leftover grilled veggies from Saturday, and Mango Salad from Meera Sodha’s Made in India.
Wednesday: Salmon Curry Coconut Rice from Milk Street’s Cook-ish, and pan seared Brussel Sprouts.
Thursday: Take out from a vegetarian Chinese food place near the Air and Space Museum.
Friday: Pizza take out and bagged Caesar Salad and The Booksellers, a documentary about antiquarian booksellers. A nostalgic, wistful account of our love of printed material. Oh the beautiful shelves of books in this film!
We ate outside a couple times this week. Right now is the sweet spot, I think, for dining al fresco in our area. It is warm enough to comfortably eat outside, with just a light sweater thrown on as the sun goes down and temperature cools. At the same time, we haven’t yet entered into mosquito season. Mosquitos are fierce here. I used to go to Colorado for the summer and be blessedly free of mosquitos. Last year, I think I got a little zen about them and embraced the biting and itching. This year, we got at Thermacell – a device that essentially creates a bubble of bug repellant around a certain area. We haven’t tried it out yet, but it gets really great reviews across a variety of publications. I’m excited to try this out and looking forward to being able to sit on our back patio without being eaten alive.
This was a great week to get outside. It did rain one day, but we took a rainy walk anyway, and were rewarded with a geese sighting:
Geese family crossing.
I got my second COVID vaccine shot. It was such a smooth soothing process. I wanted to stay in that white tent waiting room forever. If I ever make myself a she shed, I think it will be white and light filled, like the COVID waiting tent.
Aside from some minor aches, I luckily felt pretty normal the next day. I stayed up too late the night after I got the vaccine, so I still felt kind of not great, but that was entirely my fault, not the vaccine. All in all, it feels great to have two shots down on my vaccine card. I’m still trying to feel out what my comfort levels are with COVID precautions. We were never the stay at home and have groceries delivered people, but we’ve definitely been very diligent about mask wearing and not socializing indoors or eating at restaurants.
I did go to a Mom’s night on Friday. My friend Lizzie had invited me to a child-free hang out with some of her friends where we ate Mexican food and had uncensored conversations. I haven’t been in someone else’s house for over a year – except for going over to walk a friend’s dog one time. It felt so novel. I guess meeting new people is always novel, but after a year of lockdown, it was especially so. And oh so wonderful to connect.
I thought this article in the Atlantic was interesting (The Liberals who Can’t Quit Lockdown.) I read/ hear so much about how the demographics of anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers skew conservative, male, right wing, etc, and I thought this article was particularly thoughtful in how it pointed out that there are extremists on all sides of the spectrum. It seems to me that those who don’t trust vaccines are probably not far removed from those who sanitized their groceries during the early days of the pandemic when there seemed to be no good information out there. I myself am finding emerging from lockdown somewhat daunting, but then again, I’m somewhat of an introvert. I hope it’s not because of some reaction to Trumpian policies. I’m pretty sure it isn’t. But I do think that the politicization of public health issues is in many ways the result of our our unfortunately binary political system.
Some things this week:
Wanting to speak up. On one of our park trips this week, the four year old made quick friends with another child, a five year old. Before I knew it, they had taken their bikes and had gone off down the paved loop around the park. I wasn’t too concerned as I could still see them, and the kid seemed like a really friendly, decent child. “He wanted to show me his hide out tree!” The four year old told me when they came back. I told the little boy’s mother, “Your son is a really great kid.” She seemed really pleased to hear me say that, and I’m glad I told her. And as the morning progressed, I realized something. Part of the reason this kid was so open and friendly was that he had a really great mom. You could just tell by the way she let her kids have a great deal of independence on the playground, and from the way she talked to them when she needed to – in this really calm, casual and non-judgemental tone. And I wish I had told her that. For some reason, I thought it would have been weird to say something. But afterwards, I thought… it shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t be afraid to compliment good parenting when we see it. (I mean good anything, really). Raising kids is so fraught and filled with self doubt (or is it just me?), that we should be supportive, even of strangers. So… to Ryan’s mom at North Four Corners Park – on the infinitesimal chance that you read this blog: I love the way you talk to your children.
Looking forward to popsicle season. The nine year old made smoothies for breakfast the other day and there was leftovers, so I pulled out the popsicle molds and made the first popsicles of the year! I love making homemade popsicles. There is something so economical and simple about homemade popsicles, though I do admit that the store bought always taste better. Except the chocolate ones. This recipe for homemade fudgsicles is really really decadent.
Popsicles and the astronaut. He wore that space suit almost every day this week.
Speaking of the nine year old in the kitchen, the kids are really into making fresh lemonade. It does take a lot of lemons to make lemonade, so I don’t do it as often as I would like. Maybe I need to be more efficient about juicing? This little plastic juicer was an H-Mart impulse purchase years ago and serves us well, but is perhaps not terribly efficient.
Sibling cooperation.
When your child matches the playground equipment (again):
Other wildlife sightings:
Google tells me these are called pileated woodpeckers. We came across them in two different parks. They were quite bold and settled in quite near us.
Cookbooks on the mantel.
Pandemic cookbook MVPs (except the Vegetarian Back Packing book – not sure what that is doing in there.) All borrowed from the library and need to be returned. The “Overdue, but fines waived” notices that I’m getting are guilt inducing, but not very motivating. America’s Test Kitchen Vegan for Everyone was also a great resource. I think I may end up buying some of these to have for my own.
On Time Standing Still:
.
The other day, we were wandering around the park while the nine year old was in dance lessons and I noticed that the posters from the children’s theatre were still up from last year. It was as if time had been frozen, stuck in March 2020. The park was originally developed in the early 1900s as an amusement park, somewhere for the residents of DC to escape to. Many of the buildings are left over from this time, and their original art deco quality has been maintained. Being there these days has a rather timeless quality. Seeing last season’s posters up, I was struck by this weird sensation of different time periods overlapping, and unmoving. I wonder if this was what it was like to stumble upon Roanoke.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Pasta Salad – tomatoes, green beans, cucumbers,
Sunday: Dinner at friend’s house. They grilled. We brought vegetable skewers (zucchini, mushrooms, peppers).
Monday: Tandoori Broccoli and Honey Braised Tofu from East. This was really good. The Broccoli is smothered in yogurt and spices and then roasted at 425. The Tofu is cooked in a sauce made from gochujang, soy sauce, honey, sesame oil, garlic and ginger. And we ate it outside, which always makes things taste better, in my mind.
Tuesday: Black Bean Soup from Milk Street Fast and Slow. Tasty, simple and filling.
Wednesday: Grilled Pork Tenderloin and grilled veggies and sweet potatoes. I always forget how simple and good grilled sweet potatoes is.
Thursday: Tomato Zucchini Tart from Milk Street Cook-ish, with bagged salad. Also very easy recipe – basically toss veggies in olive oil, vinegar and za’atar, pile it in a layer on puff pastry and bake until golden. I love recipes like this where the ratio of effort to taste is pretty low.
Friday: Girls night out – Mexican food. Meaning lots of chips and guacamole and salsa.
The last week of April – lots of sunny weather and outdoor time. The husband impulsively bought the kids one of those plastic bat and ball sets, and we took it out for a spin over the weekend. The four year old alternated plogging and batting. I sometimes forget to get outside on the weekends, but the weather this week has been too nice to ignore.
As I stare down the barrel of a return to work (yay!), I’m feeling like I want a little less meandering in my life in these next few weeks.
Ever since the nine year old went back to school, we haven’t gotten into a good rhythm. Or rather I mean a productive rhythm. This is our days: drop off nine year old at school/ playground until lunch time/ lunch/ putter and clean up/ pick up nine year old from school/ dinner. I would like that post lunch period to be more focussed. Right now it feels like a never ending slog of cleaning up after the kids punctuated by some reading (to kids and for myself) and some (too much) random scrolling. Ideally this is where some of the preschool curriculum would go, but I find after lunch I don’t have the energy for it. The kids mostly wander around and do random playing between lunch and second school pick up. Maybe instead of trying to go back to implementing the whole curriculum, I could do one organized activity. I think part of it is, now that we are commuting again, I’m losing time I used to use to plan and set up activity. But surely one activity would be plenty.
So here we are, heading into May and summer. I don’t usually articulate goals, but I sat down and wrote down some things that I would to get done before heading back to work: – doctor’s appointments and check ups after I’m fully vaccincated – hair cut, after fully vaccinated. – finish the children’s book I’m writing for my friend Kristen. – Sort out summer camp for the nine year old. – research a pool membership for the summer (might be late for this, but I think there are still options out there. Or we will just go to the county pool. But the nine year old wants to join a swim team, so…) – figure out what to do with my car- repair or replace. – go hiking at least once – organize book club evening with my mom’s group. I like to load up on social activities before I go back to work, because these things are harder to figure out when I am working. – figure out a camping trip with my parents for when they are here. – work on juggling with three balls – blog every day for a week. Thought it might be a fun exercise to have a “week in the life” down for posterity. – fun times with kids before I go back to work. – sleep.
It seems a pretty lengthy list of goals for the month. On top of the daily grinds. Hopefully it will help me focus my time and efforts and scroll less. I seem to average 4-5 hours a day on my phone, which I don’t love.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this article that I read, “Write Better Job Ads” It occurs to me that in many ways, that barriers to inclusion need also to be tackled at the entry level. So in a way, entry level employees should be seen as an investment. When organizations want to hire the “best” or the “most qualified” candidate – often the parameters for that are exclusionary. So perhaps you don’t need to hire the “most qualified” candidate for an entry level position or internship. Because often that candidate gets there through the benefits of systemic privileges. And honestly, the most qualified candidate probably has other options. So maybe the key to inclusive hiring is to cast the net wide and re-define what “best” means. Maybe it’s the person with less experience, but a lot of potential. Maybe it’s the person who brings a different life experience to an organization. This also means that a company needs to be willing to do the work to have these employees. Having someone who fits seamlessly into a company culture – maybe that says more about the company culture than the employee. I’m sure my musings on this matter are somewhat impractical, particularly in competitive fields. But surely in the arts, we can do the work?
Listening: This episode of On Being with writer Katherine May who wrote a book called Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. It seems like a perfect pandemic book. There were so many thoughtful points in her interview with Krista Tippett. They talked about how we can’t just tell ourselves to “get over” unhappiness and suffering, but rather we need lean into them to really hear what our body and mind are trying to tell us. They talk about the need to slow down and how, as animals hibernate, we too, should have seasons in our life where we pause, reflect, and reassess. The hectic always moving pace of modern life leads us to miss a lot of the things and people around us and what makes us human. It is a gentle and pensive conversation. I have May’s book in my holds at the library and I can’t wait to get to it.
Some wonderful things this week:
My final project from drawing class:
I wanted to explore toys, and the lives they lead. I still struggle with seeing colours for what they truly are, and am surprised when things look better than I think they will. The shading on the baby’s face, for example. I couldn’t get it right, then I remembered that the teacher mentioned using purple for shadows. That did the trick, but it was hard to see that purple was the right choice until it was done. Working in colour is a little scary because it’s hard to fix. I don’t love the background.
I’m a little sad the class is over; it was a wonderfully supportive group of people to share art with.
Grateful for local listservs – We had been driving past this park next to the fire station. It had a play structure shaped like a fire station, and the four year old would always ask if we could go visit it. I couldn’t figure out if it was a public park since there was no parking, and there was no information about it on the County’s parks website. So I asked the listserv. Turns out it is a public park, but one maintained by a different branch of the county. And, in addition to this information, many people sent me other playgrounds with fire engine play structures. The four year old loves fire trucks, so we’ve put these parks on our list to visit this summer.
Fire engine. Not much cover, so best visited n a cloudy day.
Friday there was wind. Lots of wind, so we went to fly a kite. It never flew very high or for very long, but any amount of lift was thrilling. The four year old embraced the “run as fast as you can” method of kite flying.
The baby has discovered pockets. It’s the best things ever.
On our walk a few weeks ago, we came across a puddle full of tadpoles. This week we went back to see if the tadpoles were still there. They were! And fatter than last time. Someone had also put a bucket and a sign by the puddle, urging people to add water to the puddle so that it doesn’t dry up.
What we ate:
Saturday: Sushi take out.
Sunday: Can’t remember….
Monday: Gnocchi and red sauce (Husband cooked!)
Tuesday: Taco Tuesday! Chicken, black beans, rice.
Wednesday: Charred cauliflower pasta from Milk Street’s Tuesday Nights.
Thursday: Lentil Bulgur Salad from Moosewood Cookbook (made with farro because that’s what we had). With the weather warming up, I think pasta/grain salads will be my go to make ahead meal for Thursday nights, rather than soup.
Friday: Pizza (homemade) and Annie, the 2014 version with Jamie Foxx and Quvanzahne Wallis, and some not as good as the original songs.
Okay, this last was way overdue. Like I’m seven years late to the party. But my goodness, it is very very good. It feels historic and contemporary all at the same time. And that thing where usually a show has a whiz bang first act and then the second act sort of meanders and is lost… not at all the case here. The second act was heartbreaking.
When I was a pre-teen/ teenager, I would listen to musicals constantly. I could sit and just listen to endless repeats of The Phantom of the Opera and Les Miz. But somehow, I stopped making time to listen to music in that all absorbing, rapt way. Which might be why it’s taken me so long to jump on the Hamilton bandwagon. When I first started hearing about it, it seemed like it was a complex work that would take attention. And I just never bothered to make time.
But one night, I was sewing masks. I had just finished my latest audiobook (Nomadland – also very heartbreaking and hopeful) and wanted something else to really sink into as mask sewing is a somewhat mindless activity. So I pulled Hamilton up and started listening. And at first, I thought, “This is clever, very very clever. And innovative.” But then, once my brain got past what a groundbreaking piece this was technically, I got sucked into the story telling, the personal and political drama of a country being formed. And now, I can say, I get it. I understand all the hype. And yeah, it was probably well deserved.
Other things this week:
The Husband has been spending a lot of time in the garden. This week he had mulch delivered. The kids lost no time in claiming the mulch tower in our driveway for their own:
The weather has been alternating rainy and sunny, as is typical of spring. I love both. We’ve had rainy muddy walks and bright sunshine-y walks and plenty of playground time. I worry that the nine year old may soon lose interest in playgrounds. But I hope not.
The four year old insisted that we take a picture of this tree. “It’s like a claw!” he exclaimed. I love his imagination.
Also – the baby is a climber. This is what happens when she is left unattended:
I have no clue how she got there.
This bird-shaped sweet potato came in our Hungry Harvest Box. I find it charming and can’t bring myself to eat it. So I guess it will just perch in the kitchen indefinitely.
this little birdie in our kitchen.
I listened to this interesting episode of the Ideas podcast from the CBC where they discuss the idea of a pill for treating heartbreak. I’ve been thinking lately – probably in part from working my way through the Yale Happiness Course – about how we pathologize mental health. I don’t know that there is necessarily any one right answer to these questions, but I do find it interesting, the discussion about balancing how we normalize mental health with embracing neurodiversity.
Oh – this week’s art project was to do a self-portrait. Definitely an uncomfortable assignment. The critique sessions felt fraught yet supportive. While I appreciate learning about facial proportions, having to draw myself felt strangely revealing, though not literally.
police sketch.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Rice Paper Spring Rolls – another kitchen sink meal. Not a hit with the kids, though I always like this meal.
Sunday: Cornflake Chicken and bagged Ceasar salad beans. The nine year old made the chicken.
Monday: Beet Yogurt Rice from Meera Sodha’s East and random “chaat” salad (cucumbers, apples, watermelon radishes, shallots, chickpeas, lime juice, salt, and garam masala). I loved this meal for getting my family to eat beets and for being so pretty:
Tuesday: Salmon and Green Beans.
Wednesday: Sweet potato curry from Milk Street Fast and Slow. We ate it with millet. I was expecting this to be a little more saucy and it was actually quite dry. The flavours were good though.
Thursday: Polenta Soup with Cannellini Beans from Milk Street’s Cook-ish.
Friday: Pizza (ordered in) and The Love Punch. 2013 breezy romantic / caper/ heist comedy starring Emma Thompson and Pierce Brosnan. It was my turn to choose and I mostly wanted to watch it because watching Emma Thompson on screen is always immensely satisfying. Also there is something to be said for making fun movies with more… seasoned actors in the leads. I like watching movies full of smooth, pretty youth as much as the next person, but sometimes I want the people in the movies I watch to be something ahead of me, not in my rear view mirror.
A propos of that thought… when we were doing our self portrait critiques for art class, many of my fellow students – who are retirement age or older – were lamenting how they found having to draw their wrinkles somewhat difficult in that it made them have to confront physical aging. And my reaction – which I wanted to say, but didn’t want to come off as gauche – my reaction was, “Why your faces are so much more interesting than my own! I found nothing interesting or complex to draw in my smooth cheeks. My face is so boring. In fact, I would have been glad for some wrinkles to give my face character.”
The children picked some spring nosegays for the kitchen window sill.
It was spring break, and even though we stayed in town, I think we packed a good number of adventures in.
I took the kids on a new to us hike about 45 minutes away. The trail was part of a County park, one of those wilderness areas that you find in the suburbs – felt remote but you could still hear the traffic. A couple months ago, I got a book that listed hiking trails in our area that were child friendly – the book even lists whether or not something is passable with a jogging stroller. I’ve been using that book to plan a lot of our outdoor adventures. On this particular hike, the baby managed to walk for almost two hours before asking to be picked up and then promptly fell asleep in the sling. It was a pretty solitary hike -perhaps because it was a weekday. But we did meet some beautiful dogs and one person on a bike. I’m not sure I stayed on the trails outlined in the book because we did not reach the shores of the lake, but we did see some other pretty neat touches of human existence in the woods:
Fairy garden and car lot in nature
We also went to a petting farm in our area for their Easter Egg “hunt”. While there we saw a kangaroo, turkeys, pigs, all manner of bovine, alpacas, and guinea pigs. The kids also fed some goats and climbed on play structures refashioned from large tractors. I was fascinated by the eggs that one of the workers there collected from the chicken coop – they were perfectly pastel Easter colours straight out of the chicken.
Scenes from the petting farm.
The Husband also took a day off during Spring Break, and we went up to Longwood Gardens. It was a beautiful mix of bare trees and riotous blooms, and the weather likewise alternated bitingly cold and windy with warm sun. The blue poppy display in the conservatory were apparently a very rare treat and so striking. We’ve decided to go to Longwood at least once a season so that we can truly see the panoply that the gardens offer.
The colours and blooms of spring.
For drawing class:
One day a couple weeks ago, the Husband came home with this mini watermelon. “What’s that for?” I asked. The Husband is not terribly fond of watermelon, so I was a little perplexed by the purchase. “I thought you could draw it. See all the cool green stripes?” And the watermelon sat there for a couple weeks because I was busy drawing toys. And then this week, while looking for some fruit to eat with lunch, I saw the watermelon. The kids love watermelon. So I decided to cut it up for them. But then I remembered. I was supposed to draw this watermelon for my husband. But the kids were waiting for watermelon. What to do? Now in class, our teacher is quite adamant that we need to draw from life, and not from a picture. It was the middle of lunch, however. I wasn’t going to not feed them the watermelon. So I took a picture. And later that night I drew the Husband his watermelon. I find seeds make the watermelon eating process very inconvenient. At the same time, a picture of a seedless watermelon still somehow looks… off. Like it’s missing something.
It’s April.
I made some indulgent purchases this week:
I love drinking tea. Piping hot tea. The problem is, however, that it always cools by the time to get around to drinking it and then I have to run the kettle again. Also the baby loves to play in my tea cups if I leave them out. She sticks her hand in the cup, fishes out the tea bag and the proceeds to wipe the table with the tea bag until it breaks. What was once a relaxing ritual has actually become quite vexing and stressful.
So I did something about it. I bought an insulated cup with a sealable lid. It’s been amazing. Definitely an “added value” purchase. Hot tea all day, and no baby tea bag art.
I also went on a planner binge and treated myself to two new weekly planners. I usually do my planning in a Muji notebook, but they seem to have discontinued the ones I usually use, so I thought I would try something new. I bought a twenty four hour planner so that I could track my time and wellness habits, and a small weekly planner to plan my weeks. So one planner is for plotting my weeks and one planner is more for daily reflection. I’ve been feeling a little unproductive lately, and I find that tracking my time and planning on paper helps me focus my time. As much as it can focus while chasing a toddler.
Goals: Read some poetry every day. April is National Poetry Month, and I’ve decided to read at least one poem each day. I already get a poem in my blog feed every day via this website – though I don’t often read them, or when I do I only read them in a cursory fashion. This month, I’ve decided to really take time to read the poems which show up in my feed and I’ve also checked out some poetry books from the library both for the kids and for myself. Sometimes I find poetry challenging and dense, and I’m never quite sure that I “get” it. But I love the way words fit together to form super concentrated thoughts and ideas and images.
Good listen: I was listening to the radio obituary for Dick Hoyt on NPR a couple weeks ago and the story of his life has really stuck with me. Hoyt came to prominence for pushing his wheelchair bound son Rick in hundreds of marathon and races. Together they were known as Team Hoyt, and their perseverance and selflessness is inspiring. Listening to their story made me wish that if one of my children ever ends up in a wheelchair, I hope, like Hoyt, I never get tired of pushing them.
Oh, and the week began with a rainbow. It’s hard to hold a grudge against rainy weather when it produces such things as these:
What we ate:
Saturday: Burrito Bowls – black beans, corn, rice, avocado
Sunday: Panang curry – tofu, green beans, potatoes, cauliflower… It was a “clean out the veggie drawer” meal.
Monday: Leek, mushroom and kale subji from Meera Sodha’s East, eaten with chapatis. Kind of like an Indian stir-fry. Another “clean out” meal, that miraculously we had all the ingredients for.
Tuesday: Eggplant polichatttu from East, and chaat salad from Made in India. The pollichatu is basically eggplant layered with an onion/shallot/garlic mixture and then baked. It involved two of my favorite ingredients – curry leaves and tamarind. Tasty, but a little time intensive so I’m not sure it will be repeated.
Wednesday: Take out. Wednesday was rough and mid afternoon I texted the Husband and suggested that he bring home take out.
Thursday: Leftovers after returning home from Longwood gardens.
Friday: Pizza and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. To be honest, I didn’t much pay attention to this movie.
