Uncategorized – Page 4 – Life Off Headset

Weekly recap + what we ate – out like a lamb + goals

The last week of April – lots of sunny weather and outdoor time. The husband impulsively bought the kids one of those plastic bat and ball sets, and we took it out for a spin over the weekend. The four year old alternated plogging and batting. I sometimes forget to get outside on the weekends, but the weather this week has been too nice to ignore.

As I stare down the barrel of a return to work (yay!), I’m feeling like I want a little less meandering in my life in these next few weeks.

Ever since the nine year old went back to school, we haven’t gotten into a good rhythm. Or rather I mean a productive rhythm. This is our days: drop off nine year old at school/ playground until lunch time/ lunch/ putter and clean up/ pick up nine year old from school/ dinner. I would like that post lunch period to be more focussed. Right now it feels like a never ending slog of cleaning up after the kids punctuated by some reading (to kids and for myself) and some (too much) random scrolling. Ideally this is where some of the preschool curriculum would go, but I find after lunch I don’t have the energy for it. The kids mostly wander around and do random playing between lunch and second school pick up. Maybe instead of trying to go back to implementing the whole curriculum, I could do one organized activity. I think part of it is, now that we are commuting again, I’m losing time I used to use to plan and set up activity. But surely one activity would be plenty.

So here we are, heading into May and summer. I don’t usually articulate goals, but I sat down and wrote down some things that I would to get done before heading back to work:
– doctor’s appointments and check ups after I’m fully vaccincated
– hair cut, after fully vaccinated.
– finish the children’s book I’m writing for my friend Kristen.
– Sort out summer camp for the nine year old.
– research a pool membership for the summer (might be late for this, but I think there are still options out there. Or we will just go to the county pool. But the nine year old wants to join a swim team, so…)
– figure out what to do with my car- repair or replace.
– go hiking at least once
– organize book club evening with my mom’s group. I like to load up on social activities before I go back to work, because these things are harder to figure out when I am working.
– figure out a camping trip with my parents for when they are here.
– work on juggling with three balls
– blog every day for a week. Thought it might be a fun exercise to have a “week in the life” down for posterity.
– fun times with kids before I go back to work.
– sleep.

It seems a pretty lengthy list of goals for the month. On top of the daily grinds. Hopefully it will help me focus my time and efforts and scroll less. I seem to average 4-5 hours a day on my phone, which I don’t love.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this article that I read, “Write Better Job Ads” It occurs to me that in many ways, that barriers to inclusion need also to be tackled at the entry level. So in a way, entry level employees should be seen as an investment. When organizations want to hire the “best” or the “most qualified” candidate – often the parameters for that are exclusionary. So perhaps you don’t need to hire the “most qualified” candidate for an entry level position or internship. Because often that candidate gets there through the benefits of systemic privileges. And honestly, the most qualified candidate probably has other options. So maybe the key to inclusive hiring is to cast the net wide and re-define what “best” means. Maybe it’s the person with less experience, but a lot of potential. Maybe it’s the person who brings a different life experience to an organization. This also means that a company needs to be willing to do the work to have these employees. Having someone who fits seamlessly into a company culture – maybe that says more about the company culture than the employee. I’m sure my musings on this matter are somewhat impractical, particularly in competitive fields. But surely in the arts, we can do the work?

Listening: This episode of On Being with writer Katherine May who wrote a book called Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. It seems like a perfect pandemic book. There were so many thoughtful points in her interview with Krista Tippett. They talked about how we can’t just tell ourselves to “get over” unhappiness and suffering, but rather we need lean into them to really hear what our body and mind are trying to tell us. They talk about the need to slow down and how, as animals hibernate, we too, should have seasons in our life where we pause, reflect, and reassess. The hectic always moving pace of modern life leads us to miss a lot of the things and people around us and what makes us human. It is a gentle and pensive conversation. I have May’s book in my holds at the library and I can’t wait to get to it.

Some wonderful things this week:

My final project from drawing class:

I wanted to explore toys, and the lives they lead. I still struggle with seeing colours for what they truly are, and am surprised when things look better than I think they will. The shading on the baby’s face, for example. I couldn’t get it right, then I remembered that the teacher mentioned using purple for shadows. That did the trick, but it was hard to see that purple was the right choice until it was done. Working in colour is a little scary because it’s hard to fix. I don’t love the background.

I’m a little sad the class is over; it was a wonderfully supportive group of people to share art with.

Grateful for local listservs – We had been driving past this park next to the fire station. It had a play structure shaped like a fire station, and the four year old would always ask if we could go visit it. I couldn’t figure out if it was a public park since there was no parking, and there was no information about it on the County’s parks website. So I asked the listserv. Turns out it is a public park, but one maintained by a different branch of the county. And, in addition to this information, many people sent me other playgrounds with fire engine play structures. The four year old loves fire trucks, so we’ve put these parks on our list to visit this summer.

Fire engine. Not much cover, so best visited n a cloudy day.

Friday there was wind. Lots of wind, so we went to fly a kite. It never flew very high or for very long, but any amount of lift was thrilling. The four year old embraced the “run as fast as you can” method of kite flying.

The baby has discovered pockets. It’s the best things ever.

On our walk a few weeks ago, we came across a puddle full of tadpoles. This week we went back to see if the tadpoles were still there. They were! And fatter than last time. Someone had also put a bucket and a sign by the puddle, urging people to add water to the puddle so that it doesn’t dry up.

What we ate:

Saturday: Sushi take out.

Sunday: Can’t remember….

Monday: Gnocchi and red sauce (Husband cooked!)

Tuesday: Taco Tuesday! Chicken, black beans, rice.

Wednesday: Charred cauliflower pasta from Milk Street’s Tuesday Nights.

Thursday: Lentil Bulgur Salad from Moosewood Cookbook (made with farro because that’s what we had). With the weather warming up, I think pasta/grain salads will be my go to make ahead meal for Thursday nights, rather than soup.

Friday: Pizza (homemade) and Annie, the 2014 version with Jamie Foxx and Quvanzahne Wallis, and some not as good as the original songs.

Weekly Recap + what we ate – long time coming

This week, two things finally happened:

I got my first shot of the COVID vaccine.

I finally listened to Hamilton.

Okay, this last was way overdue. Like I’m seven years late to the party. But my goodness, it is very very good. It feels historic and contemporary all at the same time. And that thing where usually a show has a whiz bang first act and then the second act sort of meanders and is lost… not at all the case here. The second act was heartbreaking.

When I was a pre-teen/ teenager, I would listen to musicals constantly. I could sit and just listen to endless repeats of The Phantom of the Opera and Les Miz. But somehow, I stopped making time to listen to music in that all absorbing, rapt way. Which might be why it’s taken me so long to jump on the Hamilton bandwagon. When I first started hearing about it, it seemed like it was a complex work that would take attention. And I just never bothered to make time.

But one night, I was sewing masks. I had just finished my latest audiobook (Nomadland – also very heartbreaking and hopeful) and wanted something else to really sink into as mask sewing is a somewhat mindless activity. So I pulled Hamilton up and started listening. And at first, I thought, “This is clever, very very clever. And innovative.” But then, once my brain got past what a groundbreaking piece this was technically, I got sucked into the story telling, the personal and political drama of a country being formed. And now, I can say, I get it. I understand all the hype. And yeah, it was probably well deserved.

Other things this week:

The Husband has been spending a lot of time in the garden. This week he had mulch delivered. The kids lost no time in claiming the mulch tower in our driveway for their own:

The weather has been alternating rainy and sunny, as is typical of spring. I love both. We’ve had rainy muddy walks and bright sunshine-y walks and plenty of playground time. I worry that the nine year old may soon lose interest in playgrounds. But I hope not.

The four year old insisted that we take a picture of this tree. “It’s like a claw!” he exclaimed. I love his imagination.

Also – the baby is a climber. This is what happens when she is left unattended:

This bird-shaped sweet potato came in our Hungry Harvest Box. I find it charming and can’t bring myself to eat it. So I guess it will just perch in the kitchen indefinitely.

I listened to this interesting episode of the Ideas podcast from the CBC where they discuss the idea of a pill for treating heartbreak. I’ve been thinking lately – probably in part from working my way through the Yale Happiness Course – about how we pathologize mental health. I don’t know that there is necessarily any one right answer to these questions, but I do find it interesting, the discussion about balancing how we normalize mental health with embracing neurodiversity.

Oh – this week’s art project was to do a self-portrait. Definitely an uncomfortable assignment. The critique sessions felt fraught yet supportive. While I appreciate learning about facial proportions, having to draw myself felt strangely revealing, though not literally.

What We Ate:

Saturday: Rice Paper Spring Rolls – another kitchen sink meal. Not a hit with the kids, though I always like this meal.

Sunday: Cornflake Chicken and bagged Ceasar salad beans. The nine year old made the chicken.

Monday: Beet Yogurt Rice from Meera Sodha’s East and random “chaat” salad (cucumbers, apples, watermelon radishes, shallots, chickpeas, lime juice, salt, and garam masala). I loved this meal for getting my family to eat beets and for being so pretty:

Tuesday: Salmon and Green Beans.

Wednesday: Sweet potato curry from Milk Street Fast and Slow. We ate it with millet. I was expecting this to be a little more saucy and it was actually quite dry. The flavours were good though.

Thursday: Polenta Soup with Cannellini Beans from Milk Street’s Cook-ish.

Friday: Pizza (ordered in) and The Love Punch. 2013 breezy romantic / caper/ heist comedy starring Emma Thompson and Pierce Brosnan. It was my turn to choose and I mostly wanted to watch it because watching Emma Thompson on screen is always immensely satisfying. Also there is something to be said for making fun movies with more… seasoned actors in the leads. I like watching movies full of smooth, pretty youth as much as the next person, but sometimes I want the people in the movies I watch to be something ahead of me, not in my rear view mirror.

A propos of that thought… when we were doing our self portrait critiques for art class, many of my fellow students – who are retirement age or older – were lamenting how they found having to draw their wrinkles somewhat difficult in that it made them have to confront physical aging. And my reaction – which I wanted to say, but didn’t want to come off as gauche – my reaction was, “Why your faces are so much more interesting than my own! I found nothing interesting or complex to draw in my smooth cheeks. My face is so boring. In fact, I would have been glad for some wrinkles to give my face character.”

Weekly recap + what we ate – Spring break and all the colours!

The children picked some spring nosegays for the kitchen window sill.

It was spring break, and even though we stayed in town, I think we packed a good number of adventures in.

I took the kids on a new to us hike about 45 minutes away. The trail was part of a County park, one of those wilderness areas that you find in the suburbs – felt remote but you could still hear the traffic. A couple months ago, I got a book that listed hiking trails in our area that were child friendly – the book even lists whether or not something is passable with a jogging stroller. I’ve been using that book to plan a lot of our outdoor adventures. On this particular hike, the baby managed to walk for almost two hours before asking to be picked up and then promptly fell asleep in the sling. It was a pretty solitary hike -perhaps because it was a weekday. But we did meet some beautiful dogs and one person on a bike. I’m not sure I stayed on the trails outlined in the book because we did not reach the shores of the lake, but we did see some other pretty neat touches of human existence in the woods:

We also went to a petting farm in our area for their Easter Egg “hunt”. While there we saw a kangaroo, turkeys, pigs, all manner of bovine, alpacas, and guinea pigs. The kids also fed some goats and climbed on play structures refashioned from large tractors. I was fascinated by the eggs that one of the workers there collected from the chicken coop – they were perfectly pastel Easter colours straight out of the chicken.

The Husband also took a day off during Spring Break, and we went up to Longwood Gardens. It was a beautiful mix of bare trees and riotous blooms, and the weather likewise alternated bitingly cold and windy with warm sun. The blue poppy display in the conservatory were apparently a very rare treat and so striking. We’ve decided to go to Longwood at least once a season so that we can truly see the panoply that the gardens offer.

For drawing class:

One day a couple weeks ago, the Husband came home with this mini watermelon.
“What’s that for?” I asked. The Husband is not terribly fond of watermelon, so I was a little perplexed by the purchase.
“I thought you could draw it. See all the cool green stripes?”
And the watermelon sat there for a couple weeks because I was busy drawing toys. And then this week, while looking for some fruit to eat with lunch, I saw the watermelon. The kids love watermelon. So I decided to cut it up for them. But then I remembered. I was supposed to draw this watermelon for my husband. But the kids were waiting for watermelon. What to do?
Now in class, our teacher is quite adamant that we need to draw from life, and not from a picture. It was the middle of lunch, however. I wasn’t going to not feed them the watermelon. So I took a picture. And later that night I drew the Husband his watermelon.
I find seeds make the watermelon eating process very inconvenient. At the same time, a picture of a seedless watermelon still somehow looks… off. Like it’s missing something.

It’s April.

I made some indulgent purchases this week:

I love drinking tea. Piping hot tea. The problem is, however, that it always cools by the time to get around to drinking it and then I have to run the kettle again. Also the baby loves to play in my tea cups if I leave them out. She sticks her hand in the cup, fishes out the tea bag and the proceeds to wipe the table with the tea bag until it breaks. What was once a relaxing ritual has actually become quite vexing and stressful.

So I did something about it. I bought an insulated cup with a sealable lid. It’s been amazing. Definitely an “added value” purchase. Hot tea all day, and no baby tea bag art.

I also went on a planner binge and treated myself to two new weekly planners. I usually do my planning in a Muji notebook, but they seem to have discontinued the ones I usually use, so I thought I would try something new. I bought a twenty four hour planner so that I could track my time and wellness habits, and a small weekly planner to plan my weeks. So one planner is for plotting my weeks and one planner is more for daily reflection. I’ve been feeling a little unproductive lately, and I find that tracking my time and planning on paper helps me focus my time. As much as it can focus while chasing a toddler.

Goals: Read some poetry every day. April is National Poetry Month, and I’ve decided to read at least one poem each day. I already get a poem in my blog feed every day via this website – though I don’t often read them, or when I do I only read them in a cursory fashion. This month, I’ve decided to really take time to read the poems which show up in my feed and I’ve also checked out some poetry books from the library both for the kids and for myself. Sometimes I find poetry challenging and dense, and I’m never quite sure that I “get” it. But I love the way words fit together to form super concentrated thoughts and ideas and images.

Good listen: I was listening to the radio obituary for Dick Hoyt on NPR a couple weeks ago and the story of his life has really stuck with me. Hoyt came to prominence for pushing his wheelchair bound son Rick in hundreds of marathon and races. Together they were known as Team Hoyt, and their perseverance and selflessness is inspiring. Listening to their story made me wish that if one of my children ever ends up in a wheelchair, I hope, like Hoyt, I never get tired of pushing them.

Oh, and the week began with a rainbow. It’s hard to hold a grudge against rainy weather when it produces such things as these:

What we ate:

Saturday: Burrito Bowls – black beans, corn, rice, avocado

Sunday: Panang curry – tofu, green beans, potatoes, cauliflower… It was a “clean out the veggie drawer” meal.

Monday: Leek, mushroom and kale subji from Meera Sodha’s East, eaten with chapatis. Kind of like an Indian stir-fry. Another “clean out” meal, that miraculously we had all the ingredients for.

Tuesday: Eggplant polichatttu from East, and chaat salad from Made in India. The pollichatu is basically eggplant layered with an onion/shallot/garlic mixture and then baked. It involved two of my favorite ingredients – curry leaves and tamarind. Tasty, but a little time intensive so I’m not sure it will be repeated.

Wednesday: Take out. Wednesday was rough and mid afternoon I texted the Husband and suggested that he bring home take out.

Thursday: Leftovers after returning home from Longwood gardens.

Friday: Pizza and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. To be honest, I didn’t much pay attention to this movie.

The country we call home

In the wake of the spa shootings in Atlanta that left eight people dead, six of whom were Asian Americans, I’ve increasingly seen tossed around idea that people should “check in” on their Asian American friends and acquaintances. The spa shootings were just the latest in a string of attacks on Asians in the country. It seems that in the past year, anti-Asian sentiment has been exacerbated by a pandemic that started in China. The “China flu” or “Kung flu”, the whole list of xenophobic labelling has certainly been indicative of a casual and pervasive racist attitude, one that was amplified by our former president. It has made me so unspeakably angry.

I’ve been thinking of the idea of “checking in” a lot lately. No one has asked me how I feel or how my community is doing, and truth to be told, I think I would find it a little awkward if someone I don’t regularly have contact with were to contact me just to “check in”.

At the same time, I’m not going to lie, the radio silence does sort of sting – not because I personally want a spotlight on myself as an Asian American. Rather, the lack of discussion on the topic in my day to day conversations has left me wondering if the anti-Asian bias that I’m seeing is all in my head. Were these shootings just another American mass killing, that really isn’t about race? Is the anti-Asian sentiment which I feel has really come to the fore in the past year – is it something that I am imagining? Does being a model minority mean that we are expected just to ignore this and not make waves? When we don’t talk about racism (or ageism or ableism or sexism, or misogyny, what not) it gives the impression that it isn’t perceived as a problem in the world we live in.

I don’t want my children to feel like being half Asian is a burden, or makes them a target. I don’t think they quite understand that very real possibility yet. And while it would be great if they could go through life thinking that they have the privilege of being white, I want them to understand that there is a very real bias that they could face in life. It is a bias that may lead to them being fetishized, passed up for jobs, stereotyped, bullied or teased. I mean maybe not, hopefully no, but I’m not going to tell my kids that this will never happen. I tell them that this is something we as a society need to work on, even myself.

I understand the hesitancy to talk about this with one’s Asian friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Heck, I even wondered if I should have said something to our favorite sandwich guy who is Korean. I didn’t and I kind of regret it. I understand not knowing if one is doing or saying the right thing. And, to be fair, there is no one size fits all for this kind of thing. Some people would appreciate to be asked. Some people would rather not. Some people would welcome the opportunity to contribute to the narrative. Some people would resent being seen as a spokesperson for a whole continent. Some people would appreciate the sincerity. Some people would label it just another in a long string of performative gestures. It’s difficult to navigate – I get it.

But even if we aren’t talking about it, I hope people are thinking about it. I hope people are acknowledging that even if anti-Asian sentiment is not something they themselves see, it is indeed a very real and scary and is a legitimate reality. I hope people realize that it is not okay for these things to be happening.

I for one, though I might find the conversation awkward, would never fault anyone for doing what they felt was the right thing. Connecting is hard enough as it is, and any opportunity to do so is good, right? Awkward conversations are still conversations.

Anyhow if you were to “check in” with me, this is what I would say:

My father walks several miles a day. Lately he has taken to carrying a pointy stick with him on these walks. I would like to tease him about it and dismiss him as being paranoid and melodramatic, but I can’t. For him, being a victim of violence because of his race is a very very real fear. My parents, who have been on this continent for over fifty years, have done all the right things to be good Americans (and before that, good Canadians). They have contributed only good things to the society and economy of this country. And it really sucks immensely that this is how unwelcome they feel living in the country that they call home.

Weekly recap + what we ate: Back to school!!!!

A welcome sight – the school bus fleet back on the roads! And also – the trees starting to bloom!

On Monday, the nine year old went back to in person school. It’s such a fraught decision, and no one-size fits all choice; every family needs to see what is best for them. So we looking at CDC guidelines and weighing our sense of risk against the stress that distance learning was causing for everyone – we knew that sending her back was the right choice for our family. She was so happy to see her friends again, though only about a third of her class elected to return to in person learning. The look of joy on her face at the end of every day helps me know that we made the right choice. At least the right choice for now. It might not be the right choice in two weeks, or three week, or what not, but it is the right choice for now.

So this week was about, again, adjusting and finding a new rhythm.

There is the commute to school. I don’t love having to drive up and down the freeway four times a day – actually only twice because I come home on local roads – but it felt like a more controlled environment than the school bus.

There is the morning routine and having to get used to leaving the house again.

There is the way my day is now defined by drop off and pick ups – which I think is helpful for me to focus my energy, but at the same time I still feel a little lost on how best to use the time.

I’ve decided that I want to visit as many of the parks in our county as possible, so after drop off, I will take the four year old and the baby to a playground.

The baby is frighteningly adept at climbing play structures. She loves going down slides. The four year old has gotten used to being asked to catch her at the bottom. He stands there with his arm outstretched as she come wooshing down the slide, colliding with him. He valiantly tries to keep upright while not letting his little sister hit the ground, and usually he succeeds. Watching sibling interaction has been one of the great joys of the pandemic.

My phone finally had to be replaced this week. I’ve had the same iPhone 6 for almost five years and The Husband tells me that it’s time. I’m a little resentful because I feel like things should last longer than five years, but the touch screen stopped working, so I guess he’s right. I tried to get by using voice command for a while, but it was getting a little ridiculous.

The whole process of getting a new phone was somewhat frustrating. I remember it being a lot easier five years ago – but now it seems that you need a lot more additional things just to be able to function. I feel like a curmudgeon about the whole thing.

Anyhow, I have a new phone and everything transferred smoothly, except for my Whatsapp which I didn’t realize had to be backed up separately. Oops. Actually there is something almost disappointing in how seamless my new phone set itself up. The new phone looks almost exactly like my old phone and I find myself missing that sense of “new” that usually comes with upgrading devices. It’s an odd sensation – like the new phone is wearing the same clothes as the old phone.

Some fun weekend adventures:

The husband had to work over the weekend, so I took the kids to the local Botanical Gardens and playground. So many signs of spring! The nine year old spotten some frog eggs in the stream. There was sunshine and fresh air and trees still bare, but starting to bud. The baby went down the slides at the big kids playground. Not the two story high one, but the smaller big one.

And there was this meditation that I found lovely:

On Sunday, we tried to take the kids to watch planes land; there is a playground near the airport where you can almost get your eyebrows shaved by landing planes. Unfortunately the parking lot was full, so we went to a playground around the corner though the view of planes wasn’t as spectacular at that playground. On the way, we got milkshakes and fries. It was probably in truth a touch too cold for milkshakes, but they were still tasty.

Steak ‘n’ Shake! Mid-afternoon indugence.

The baby has started asking to wear a mask when we go out. By “ask” I mean she hands it to us and makes her little insistent seal barking sounds. (She is still not talking, though she will repeat “dada” and “mmmm” (milk), and “baba” (for bao bao, Mandarin for “Pick me up” or “Hug)). I feel a little self conscious about her wearing a mask; is it overkill? – but on the other hand, she will have to start wearing one in six months, so I’m glad that she is okay with it, and it seems safe.

Fun project: Inspired by a conversation with my friend Kristen, who is a preschool teacher – I decided I wanted to try my hand at making butter. Holy cow it actually works! I wasn’t sure it was going to work because it took a lot of shaking and since I used a stainless steel jar I couldn’t see the progress. The kids lost interest after a couple minutes, so I kept going. It was a somewhat act of faith for me to keep shaking. I had made whipped cream from shaking before, so going from liquid cream to the smooth and thick whipped cream was expected. But then I thought – where does it go from here? And I keep shaking and shaking, the jar is soundless as I shake it. And then it becomes this kind of rough, chunky whipped cream. And I think, “That looks gross….” But I close up the jar and keep shaking. And at some point, there is a sloshing sound, and I open up the jar and see:

I’m sure there is some kind of metaphor here for theatre and art – about shaking and shaking and and having faith that the results will be consumable, even if the midway point looks chunky and clunky and messy.

What we ate:

Saturday: Pasta with jarred red sauce.

Sunday: Tofu banh mi Bowls with noodles

Monday:Chickpeas and Kale on Barley from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Fast.

Tuesday: Shrimp, Fennel and White Bean Stew from Mark Bittman’s VB6 cookbook.

Wednesday: Green beans and tofu stir fry w/ brown rice.

Thursday: Pav Bhaji from Meera Sodha’s Made in India. The Husband called this Indian Manwich – basically it’s a vegetable mash of eggplant, cauliflower, and potatoes cooked in cumin, coriander, garam masala, tumeric and amchur (we used chana masala powder instead). The whole things is slathered on buns and eaten topped with red onion and cilantro with a squeeze of lemon. Everyone asked that this be put into our meal rotation!

Friday: pizza and That Darn Cat! I’ve been borrowing from the library some of the Disney movies that I watched growing up. The four year old thought this movie was hilarious.

Books read in February 2020

A good month for reading – lots of audio books!

Dear Mrs. Bird by AJ Pearce, read by Anna Popplewell – Light hearted novel set in London during WWII, about a young lady who aspires to be a journalist, but ends up writing for a women’s magazine and secretly answering letters from readers. It was a light story, in that stiff upperlip British way where tragedy comes and goes but everyone manages to keep going with their lives.

Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube by Blair Braverman – 6h 39mins. Braverman is a dogsledder and journalist and in this memoir, she recounts her personal journey as a young adult as she moves from cold environment to cold environments. There was something really immediate about reading this book as we went through a cold, snowy snap – I kept thinking, “Well at least it’s not so cold here that the dog food freezes before you can get it from the boiling pot to the dog bowl.” I envy her bold sense of adventure and her fearless impulses, but at the same time, there were moments when I seriously questioned her judgement and some of her recollections it made me nervous for young women trying to assert themselves in a world that still wants to make them victims in so many ways.

Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Anker – (hard copy). I enjoyed this book more than an other I’ve read in a long time. One day Toby Fleishman’s ex-wife just drops their two kids off with him and then goes AWOL. The novel follows Toby as he tries to juggle family, work, and love life while trying to figure out what happened to his ex-wife. I first hear about it on the Everything is Fine podcast, on an episode when they talked about how wonderful it was to read a book where middle aged women were seen as having an advantage over younger women. Books about midlife crises and suburban moms sometimes really grate on me; I often find them full of privilege and self indulgence. But for some reason this one really resonated with me. I felt so understood from the moment in the first chapter that the main character says:
“I was now what was a called a stay-at-home mother, a temporary occupation with no prospect of promotion that worked so hard to differentiate itself from job-working that it confined me to semantic house arrest, though certainly I was allowed to carpool and go to the store.”
I think this book perfectly captures the ridiculous yet heartfelt angst of trying to get through life as an adult, the confusion of waking up one day in a life that you don’t quite understand, even though you feel like you did all the right things. This book was one of those “neglect your children for an afternoon so you can finish it” experiences for me.

A Rule Against Murder by Louise Penny – 7h 49m Book four of the Inspector Gamache series. I wasn’t entirely convinced about how the mystery itself played out, but I really enjoyed the way Penny gradually reveals characters and their backstories. I’ve been working my way through this mystery series. There is a certain laconic pacing that makes for slow reading, but that is part of the reason I find these books such a comfort read.

The Good Neighbor:The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King read by Levar Burton – I really enjoyed listening to this audiobook. Growing up, we didn’t have a television until I was seven years old, but I do remember watching some of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. I remember actually being quite unnerved by the puppets. Hearing about how Fred Rogers came to create his famous television program and the philosophies behind his work, made me think about the choices I myself make with my children, particularly this pandemic year where we are re-thinking what we want as an educational experience for our children. Rogers’ insistence that a child’s emotional well being should be prioritized above learning numbers and letters, helped me tamp down any anxiety I might have over a “missing year” with the schools being closed.

Utopia for Realists by Rutger Bregman, read by Peter Noble – I tend to be left leaning, no surprise there, so a lot of the ideas presented in this book by the Dutch historian and writer are kind of my catnip. Universal basic income, open borders, fifteen hour work week, etc. I mean this book is pretty much preaching to the choir here, though I do appreciate knowing that Bregman presents research to show that such things are actually beneficial and not just pipe dreams. He also attributes the left’s inability to bring about change to their lack of radicalism, pointing out that Trump found a lot of support in the far right wing because his rhetoric was so outlandish. Bregman urges the left to be just as outlandish and crazy as the right – the anemic, polite posturing will not shift any needles. Food for thought.

Slicing Oranges

There is a lot of citrus in the house these days. There are blood oranges, minneolas, clementines, naval oranges – some even sent from my parents in California, tangarines… It’s the season, and in the depths of winter, they make for a sweet-sour juicy treat.

After dinner we usually have fruit. The other day, the nine year old took the oranges into the kitchen, sliced them, and brought them back, all laid out on a plate.

I took one look and clutched my pearls.

She had cut them into half moon wheels. This was not what I was used to.

I can be a little…. inflexible in the kitchen. The Husband tells me I have a lot of food rules.

“You have to cut it into smiles,” I insisted.

The Husband said, “You can’t tell her how to cut an orange.”

“Yes I can. Oranges are cut into wedges. Or else you can’t put them in your mouth and smile orange smiles.”

“Yes, I can!” the nine year old said, and proceeded to put a half wheel between her teeth and pull her lips over the edges. “Theee?” she said. “Orange thmiles!”

I shook my head, “No, no, no! This is not how you cut oranges to eat after dinner.”

The Husband took a patient breath. “How do you cut them? Can you show us?”

So I took another orange and proceeded to cut it in half from the pedical through the core. Then each half, I cut into three wedges for a total of six smiles. Satisfied with having my teachable moment of the day, we finished our fruit and moved on.

But later that week, as I was slicing oranges for lunch, I thought about it. I asked myself, “Why can’t oranges for after dinner be cut into half moons? I mean it certainly is prettier and makes for nice garnish. It surely doesn’t taste differently?”

So I decided to try it. I took an orange and cut it around its equator into slices, the segments radiating from the core like the sun rays. Then I cut those in half. So far so good. As I picked up the half wheel, I realized that cutting ihe orange in half wheels was a whole different eating experience; rather than struggling with stuffing a huge segment of orange in my mouth, I could peel back the rind and pull the orange segments apart, one small triangle at a time. This also proved a much easier way to share the orange slices with the Baby. It wasn’t what I was used to, but it worked rather well for getting food into bite-sized segments. Well then.

Later that day, I went up to my daughter and said, “Honey? I’m sorry. You can slice your orange however you want.”

Weekly recap + what we ate – More snow and celebrations

This was the Husband’s Birthday Week. We had take out of his choice. I baked scones – two kinds! I baked a requested cake. The recipe was from his mother’s recipe box and involved pearl clutching things like margarine and a box of icing sugar – no measurements needed. I had to Google that last one. Thank goodness I did. Apparently a box is one pound. I happened to have a two pound bag and had contemplated using the whole thing.

In these COVID times, an in person birthday gathering was not going to happen, so I organized a surprise birthday Zoom call. I guess one of the advantages of doing a birthday party via Zoom is that you can invite people from anywhere in place and time. In addition to family, we had friends from college and friends from where we are now all on the same call, some of whom were states and even countries away. Having such a cross section of the Husband’s life was one of the nice parts of having a Zoom party.

I wanted to come up with a way to make a Zoom birthday party fun and avoid the awkwardness of a gathering of people who hadn’t met before – the awkwardness potential potentially exacerbated by the Zoom factor. I hit upon the idea of playing Husband Trivia. I came up with trivia questions about Husband and encouraged everyone to bring questions too. I thought the game would go on for maybe 30 minutes, but to my delight almost everyone on the call brought a Husband trivia question and the call lasted an hour. There was much laughter and many fun facts about the Husband gleaned. I was so pleased with how it turned out. I’m not sure that it wasn’t the awkward gathering of random people that I had feared, but the Husband sure had fun seeing everyone and reliving life moments via trivia, so I count it as a success.

And with that, birthday season at our house was over for the year and we took the birthday banner down. From Christmas (Jesus) to the second week of February we celebrate a birthday every two weeks. (And then there is the outlier baby with the fall birthday.) Birthday season does feel a little relentless sometimes, having to plan so many back to back celebrations. But in the end, it does help cheer up the depths of winter to have something to celebrate.

The rest of the week was kind of up and down. I started another drawing class -I have a fair amount of excitement and trepidation going in; I’m looking forward to having weekly art projects, but at the same time, the syllabus seems a little advanced for me. I think I just have to be unafraid of making bad art.

Friday was a day off for the nine year old. I was again caught unawares of this day off. I think in the repetitive days, I sometimes forget to check my calendar. Determined to get outside, I packed some hot chocolate and snack bars and took the kids to a nearby nature center which had a couple miles of wooded walking trails. Babywearing in the winter is always somewhat bulky, so I chose not to bring the carrier or hiking backpack and just let the baby walk. Impressively, she managed to walk over a mile of the hike; I only had to carry her for the final stretch and then mostly to keep her from playing in the mud and water. The kids usually whine a little at the prospect of a hike/walk, but once they accept that this is what we are doing and they get out in nature, they find things to engage their interest. Like playing Three Billy Goats Gruff:

And finding vines to swing on:

The joy of discovering nature’s playground.

Friday was also Lunar New Year. I don’t really celebrate, but I did FaceTime with my grandfather in Taiwan. In past years, there’s always been either a Taiwan school event or the nine year old’s school has a performance, but… COVID. I realized that I’ve relied on others to remind me how to mark the occasion – most years I’m caught unawares when Lunar New Year rolls around. I think I want to get better at marking the occasion. Maybe not to the point where I make a Thanksgiving level meal, but noodles and dumplings and some other traditions might be nice. My parents did send me these really neat apples which were grown especially for the New Year with felicitious messages stenciled on. As you can see, the baby got to them before I could get a good picture, but they are really quite neat.

Just another excuse to post a cute baby picture. But the apple is pretty neat too!

This was also the week of the Trump impeachment hearings. That was definitely distracting and disheartening and took up way too much of my time and emotional energy.

I think I’m also still struggling with finding routine post quarantining. When we were stuck at home, a routine was easy and gave me a reassuring sense of structure. But now that we are back out in the world, there are, despite COVID, things that just creep up and need to be slotted in – book pick ups, dance lessons, errands, friends… I feel like I still haven’t found what the current rhythm is and everything feels a little freeform and hard to account for right now. I think I want to get back to tracking my time – that kind of accountability might be what I need to get structure back.

A funny thing happened the during the first day of art class. We were going around introducing ourselves and giving a bit of our story. And for some reason I didn’t introduce myself as an unemployed stage manager – I didn’t mention a career at all, just that I wanted to learn to draw and that I had three kids running around. It didn’t occur to me until afterwards, but it felt like somehow, I’ve started identifying myself with where I am now, and not what I used to be. I’m pondering that one…. because a year after we packed up our post its and 0.9pt pencils, I’m not sure what claim I still have to my occupational identity.

Fun food things:

Simplify: I made muesli for the first time. And a light kind of went off in my head. I used to make granola, but this is much easier. It’s like granola without adding sugar. Or having to bake it. Basically assemble what seeds, nuts, and dried fruit I had in the pantry, dump it in a container, and …. breakfast! I’ve been eating it steeped in boiling water and sprinkled with berries and it’s been a perfect cold weather breakfast.

Simplify II – I went to pick up some dumplings for the Husband’s birthday lunch. It turns out our favorite dumpling place has started selling frozen dumplings in bags of 40. I immediately bought a bag. I had been wanting to make dumplings for a while, but it is such a lot of work – fun work when you can gather people and have a dumpling party, but rather onerous when you have to do it all yourself. Well, for $25, I can have like homemade dumplings, without the homemade effort. Win!

What we ate:

Saturday: Take out from Full On – sandwiches, wings and onion rings.

Sunday: Cauliflower Curry and Lemon Rice with peanuts, recipes from Fresh India.

Monday: Sushi Take Out and birthday cake.

Tuesday: Fried Tofu with Braised Bok Choy, with farro.

Wednesday: Miso Mushroom Pasta from Milk Street Fast and Slow.

Thursday: Beef Noodle Soup from Milk Street Fast and Slow (cookbook of the week!). Taiwanese Beef Noodle Soup (Niu rou mian) was a staple of my childhood, but for some reason it took a fancy cookbook from New England to prompt me to make it for myself. It was a pure bowl of comfort and nostalgia.

Friday: pizza (homemade – really tasty whole wheat crust from Mark Bittman’s Dinner for Everyone) and Mary Poppins.

Books Read January 2021

More books read than normal, but I think most of the were leftover from last month; the first three books I finished in the first ten days of the new year.

Disoriental by Negar Djavodi – 9h 51 m. The story of an Iranian family who flees to Paris and the journey of the youngest daughter to self discovery – finding her way as an immigrant and as a gay woman. This is one of those books that I started without reading the back cover – it had been on a list of recommended books in translation – and as a result I wasn’t quite sure where the book was going for a while. The book jumps back and forth in time and was a little slow to get started for me, but once the threads came together it coalesced into a really touching story of family and immigration and identity. I was really drawn to the idea the narrator struggles with how to find a place in a new country without losing her heritage: “Because to really integrate into a culture, I can tell you that you have to disintegrate first, at least partially, from you own”

The Mothers by Britt Bennett – 5h 18m. I picked this one up after reading the Vanishing Half, Bennett’s bestseller from last year. This novel is about three friends and the ebb and flow of their relationship and how friendships can unravel even while being intertwined. Absorbing story.

How to Eat by Mark Bittman and David L. Katz, M.D. -(hard copy, so no time tracking) I’ve long been a fan of Mark Bittman’s super simple and accessible approach to feeding ourselves. This book, taken from a New York Times column that he and Katz wrote, cuts through a lot of the buzzy food research to distill what we do truly know about healthy food choices. The takeaway: eat a diet primarily of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, beans and nuts. I liked how they really talked about the flaws in scientific research; most food news is so sensationalist and there are no magic foods. They also make the point that the standard American diet is so detrimental to begin with that even minor changes to replace processed food in one’s diet would be a marked improvement. Reading this book really simplified healthy eating for me.

On Being 40(ish) edited by Lindsey Mead – a collection of essays about… being 40 (ish). Some of the essays spoke to me more than others. The existential angst of privileged people (of which I am sometimes guilty) gets a little tedious to read sometimes. But some standouts: Catherine Newman’s essay of friendship told through clothing was a beautiful tribute to her friend. Sophronia Scotts piece “I don’t have time for this” was just the anti-wallowing slap in the face that I needed. Jessica Lahey’s writing about mentoring at risk youth had some good lessons about connecting and the importance of a moment. “If I’m present enough,” she writes of her students, “and empathetic enough, an attosecond can expand to contain multitudes, to encompass their painful past and shape our possible future together. ”

The State of Affairs by Esther Perel – audio book narrated by the author. In this book the famous sex therapist examines cheating in an attempt to understand why people cheat, and perhaps lay out some lessons to be found in infidelity. She examines the motives and emotions behind people who cheat and people who have been cheated on and people who have been cheated with. One thing she says, that really struck me, was that people these days don’t usually cheat because they are unhappy, but rather because they think the could be happier. Of course there was something a little titillating about reading a book that gets into the weeds of infidelity, but ultimately for me, it made cheating just seem like something that took a lot of mental and emotional work.

Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn – 6h 27m. Contemporary romance about Meg, an in demand hand-letterer and the uptight financier Reid who helps her get over her creative block. Sweet and funny. I thought Reid was a perfectly lovely hero in the Mr. Darcy mold. Actually I found him more interesting than Meg and at times I wish the novel weren’t in first person narrative so I could be hin his head more. (side note: why are so many fiction written in first person? It’s on my list to find some non-first person novels to read). The details about hand lettered signs and the stationary business were a fun deep dive.

Weekly recap + what we ate – SNOW!!!!

Saturday we went to the park for the first time in weeks. The four year old took his new scooter and the nine year old rode her bike. At the park the kids climbed and ran and swung and hopped. We worked on teaching the four year old how to pump his legs on the swing. There was sun and 40 degree weather (which feels warm these days), and fresh air and a change of scenery and neighborhood dogs playing catch in the tennis courts.

It proved a good thing because it snowed the next day. Beautiful white snow! A thick blanket of it, covering everything.

The snow gave us several days of fun, despite the fact that distance learning has done away with the idea of a “snow day”. I’m a little bit in mourning about that, though one of the teachers had a virtual snow day that consisted of the students throwing wadded up balls of paper at their screen. IRL (as the kids say these days) we bundled up and went outside and built snow forts, shaped snowmen, made snow angels. The kids even helped the grown ups shovel. The four year old found a “snowchair”- a divot in the snow bank left next to our drive way by snow plows. The baby discovered the joy of eating snow… she would find chunks of snow and carry them around in her hand, chomping it like a snow cone. The nine year old delighted in throwing snow balls.

As for me- I loved the quiet and the cold. After the kids went inside, I would just stand outside, letting the cold envelop me, the snow muffling the sounds of outside and day. It was like being in an isolation chamber. And I could breathe and for two minutes not be responsible for anything except my own breath.

Afterwards, there is a quiet satisfaction to seeing all our snowy boots lined up next to the door and our snow suits hung in a row to dry in the bathroom.

The listservs exploded with snow gear for sale and free, a lot of it posted as “like new” and “barely worn”. I guess a lot of people had stocked up in snow gear last year. And then it hadn’t snowed.

I’ve been doing some more cardboard building. When we got our new stove in December, we acquired a new appliance sized box for projects. Also- when the stove was delivered, I asked if they had other boxes and they left a refrigerator box as well. Around the end of the year our cardboard box UPS truck finally collapsed and went out for recycling. For weeks the four year old has been requesting a FedEx Truck while the nine year old wanted an ice cream truck. And because he wanted to give me a challenge, the four year old requested a door in the back that went up and down. Well. I guess I was going to get serious about carboard box building so I did some internet research to find better ways of attaching cardboard together and found these screws designed for cardboard box building. Between those, packing tape and brass fasteners, I feel like I have a decent variety of tools for cardboard box construction, and my cardboard box construction game has been upped.

The back door on the truck is manually operated, but it does go up and down! It took a bit of making and testing and trouble shooting, but a fun challenge.

Also on another day, I made the four year old and airplane as well. There are many modes of transportation inside our house.

Despite the snow, the hyacinths have started to poke their green heads up. Perhaps the warmer weather has confused them. It is so deceptive to see them push their way through the ground so soon. I hope they survive.

Hearts found in nature:

We did some kitchen reorganizing and, taking stock of what I was using and not using these days, I packed away our lunch boxes and lunch containers. I realized that we haven’t really used them in a year and they were taking up a lot of accessible space that would probably be better occupied by things we actually did use. I’ve been seeing articles about pandemic fashion and how that has led people to minimize, and I feel like that’s what I did this week with our kitchen too. When I had pulled out all the containers and stacked them, they seemed like a lot, but I guess back when everyone was packing a lunch, I often felt like we didn’t have enough.

Back at the beginning of the pandemic, I really got into making these window clings from an art kit the nine year old had gotten for her birthday. Last spring, it seemed like window art was a huge source of solace and connection. Our neighorhood had various scavenger hunts where people would put things in their window for people to look for on their walks – there was a Bear Hunt and a rainbow hunt. I made all sorts of pictures and designs and one day, I asked my husband what word we should put in our window. And he said, “Resist.” It seemed appropriate at the time: resist implied health and resilience.

Making the word was a lengthy project – each letter took two to three days to make becuase you had to make the outline and wait for it to dry, and then add the colour and wait for that to dry before you could peel it and stick it to the window. But back then I was eager for tedious projects that required patience. It seemed at the begnning of the shutdown all we had was time and ourselves.

RESIST has been on our window for almost a year now. Some days, the late afternoon sun comes through the window and projects the word onto our walls. The colour has faded somewhat, but the word still shows up loud and clear. A message and a reminder. I’m contemplating adding another word to it. Not sure what, though.

What we ate:

Saturday: Brisket and Salad. On of our good friends has a smoker and he brought us some of his smoked brisket.

Sunday: can’t remember. ugh. Maybe take out???

Monday: Broccoli tofu panang curry with rice noodles.

Tuesday: Potato curry and a fennel apple salad from Fresh India.

Wednesday: Black bean burgers (from Run Fast, Cook Fast, Eat Slow), green salsa (from Bittman’s VB6 cookbook) and coconut lime cilantro rice.

Thursday: Cod soup based off a recipe from from Milk Street: Fast and Slow. This was actually a vegetarian soup leek, carrot and potatoe soup from the Milk Street Instant Pot cookbook. I threw in some cod for protein. And just used onions for the leeks.

Friday: Pizza (home made – dough from Bittman’s Dinner for Everyone cookbook) and Once Upon a Mattress – the 2005 television version of the musical. Charming and sweet. The four year old would get up and dance during the dance numbers. The double dance routines going on was adorable.