Last week I heard of the passing of yet another opera colleague. Not one that knew personally, but one who I know touched the lives of so many people and of whom many glowing things were spoken. The composer Carlisle Floyd also passed away in the last days of September. His opera Susannah was the first show I called as an AGMA stage manager. I loved that piece – beautiful and darkly dramatic. Kind of like a Tosca for our age. A “shabby little shocker” and a great evening at the theatre.
A few weeks prior, I heard of the passing of a beloved director with whom I had worked with many times. A wonderful gentleman who loved life and drama and met it with kindness, generosity and a twinkle in his eye. From him I learned that the relationship between the artist and the audience is one of humility and gratitude and never to take for granted the privilege we have of being able to tell stories for a living.
I’ve always hated opening night parties and closing night parties. After opening nights, the director and design team leaves and you have to say good-bye. And then again on closing night you say good-bye to the cast and crew. I am wretched at saying good-bye. It always feels uncomfortable and makes me self-conscious. I work at a job where saying good-bye and moving on is a certainty – so why is there so much sentimentality for something that is just part of the job? On the other hand I think creating something forms bonds and properly saying good-bye honors that in a way. At any rate, I’ve taken to trying not to say good-bye. I say, “Until next time.”
This morning I went on a bright autumn walk with a friend. She is a former opera colleague, and we got to talk about the recent deaths of beloved industry colleagues. “The thing I think that is the hardest,” I said, “is that one of the joys of our profession is the idea of ‘until we meet again’. You never know when you will work together, but you have faith that paths will cross and art will be made. And now, there are so many people that we know we will never work with them again. It’s even more hard particularly right now when we’ve waited so long for even the possibility of working with them again.”
The pandemic – and life during the pandemic – has taken so many lives since March of 2020. There is something so very raw and personal, though, about the passings of these last few weeks. Maybe it’s because they were people whom I had a connection with, that I still held out hope of working with. Maybe it’s because after a year and a half of colleagues and collaborators being so distant, we are finally emerging to come together again in rehearsal rooms, familiarly and with new precautions. And that emergence had brought the glimmer of possibility that those relationships that had been banked will now be able to be stoked and rekindled.
Many of my colleagues in the arts have managed to work through the pandemic. They’ve brilliantly embraced technology and health and safety protocols to create on their own and with other people. I’ve enjoyed seeing many of their efforts and held their tenacity to our art with awe and a little bit of jealousy. But aside from seven weeks this summer, I have felt too overwhelmed with the fires on the domestic front to contemplate looking for work in this new pandemic cautious world.
As I’ve watched these projects scroll across my social media feeds, I’ve been happy for those that manage to still create and support creators. And I’ve known that yes, someday, I would be able to get back out there too, and thought, wouldn’t it be cool to work with those people too? And that possibility brought a hopeful buoyancy to that part of me that loved my job and what we do. While I am struck with the loss of future collaborations, I know that there will be many more to come. Yet still, I grieve those who will no longer be with us when the curtain goes up again.
I haven’t kept up with my reading journal, so here is the quick and dirty of my summer reading:
The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.W. Schwab – Time bending novel about a woman who makes a deal with the devil to live forever. Or, rather, she asks for more time in life and is then given the dubious gift of eternal life, only she also does not remain in people’s memories. Absorbing, but the story didn’t quite go where I wanted it to go.
You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar. Audio book read by the authors – Ruffin and Lamar, who are both Black, recount stories of some of the racist incidents they’ve had to live through. Their experiences run the gamut from ignorantly well meaning to malicious and unkind. It’s a mix of funny, sad, and infuriating. It really made me wonder if it was possible to live more colour consciously in a way that is sensitive to everyone.
Hamilton the Revolution by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jeremy McCarter – These are the annotated lyrics for Hamilton interspersed with essays on the creative process of the musical. Hamilton fever continues in our house – except for the Husband who calls it “insidious” – and the theater geek in me loved reading about the journey of getting Hamilton to stage.
Midlife: A Philosophical Guide by Kieran Setiya – This book was recommended to me after I lamented the dearth of books about being middle aged. As I progress firmly into my 40s, I find I’m having a somewhat existential crisis about aging and life, and it’s just not something that the media likes to talk about. Setiya doesn’t really say anything new, but he does present his thoughts on fulfilment in life through the prism of philosophical thought. The takeaway – savour the journey, not the destination.
Hidden Valley Road by Robert Kolker – Kolker’s book tells about a family where six of the twelve children were diagnosed with schizophrenia. It’s an absolutely engrossing history. Sad, but ultimately hopeful.
Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Daniel Tatum, PhD. – Classic book about race in America. I really appreciated that Tatum has, since the original publication, added an entire section in the book devoted to other underrepresented groups and the struggles that are unique to each of them. For as false a construct as race is, it certainly is a powerful one. The other mind blowing idea for me was Tatum’s discussion about hiring practices – she writes that when hiring employers need to re-examine what they mean by a “best” or “most qualified” candidate. Often the things that tip the scale are the result of privilege and opportunity. She challenges the idea that there can be a “most qualified” candidate. Because any candidate that meets your job requirements are qualified. Having additional experience does not make someone moreso.
The Glass Kingdom by Lawrence Osborne – novel about a woman who is stuck in Bangkok after swindling a large amount of money. There was something meandering in the post-apocalyptic tone and style that really lacked momentum for me.
Murder on Cold Street by Sherry Thomas – the next in Thomas’ Lady Sherlock series. I always enjoy her writing, even if I find the plotting a little obtuse.
Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo read by Adjoa Andoh – Novel set in Nigeria about a couple, Yejide and Akin, whose marriage is challenged by traditional expectations, pride, and their inability to have a child.
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee – Novel about a poor Korean family in the early 1900s who emigrates to Japan and the story about their lives and the lives of their children. I had often heard this book touted as a “epic saga” yet the book didn’t have that kind sweep that I would have expected. It has a much quieter power to it, in it’s story of humble hard work and perseverance. But then again, who says that “epic” stories are reserved for people who die in glory on battlefields? I’m realizing that the story of the every day struggle it takes to put food on one’s table, to resist when rich men come calling, to just do the right thing… these stories are as much the backbone of history as any battle.
The Duke That Didn’t by Courtney Milan – Romance novel set in a small English town where a half Chinese duke tries to win the hand of the woman he loves. I love how Milan can write a totally absorbing romance set in England where the characters are Chinese, and this bit of diversity is a casual and important detail, but not a THING.
Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson – In this autobiographical novel in verse, Woodson recounts her childhood bouncing from Ohio to South Carolina to New York. I was really drawn in by her story and the story of her family, and how even the smallest things from childhood can be indelible.
The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune – I loved this book so much. This novel tells about Linus, a case worker who inspects government run orphanages for magical children. He is sent on a mysterious assignment to an orphanage on the shore and there meets the predictable assortment of “more than meets the eye” children. Yes, the story is a little familiar, but Klune has written it with so much wit and heart.
She Said by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, read by Rebecca Lowman – The New York Times journalists who broke the Harvey Weinstein story recount the story behind the story. So utterly fascinating and repulsive. The drama behind getting the story was nail-biting. Between this book and Bad Blood (about the Theranos scandal), I am beginning to feel like the lawyers behind the scenes in many of these cases are just as abhorrent.
Mrs. Martin’s Incomparable Adventure by Courtney Milan – Charming romance about two elderly ladies who work together to exact revenge on a very disreputable young man and fall in love along the way. One very rarely sees romance novels featuring older couples, and I loved that aspect of this book.
Parenting Outside the Lines by Meaghan Leahy – I’m a big fan of Meg Leahy’s parenting column in the Washington Post. In this book, she encapsulates many of the principles that form the backbone of the advice that she gives. My big takeaway from this book is that parenting is hard, but I, as the grown up, have to be the bigger person. “Never ever, ever wait for your child to be more mature than you,” she writes. So the best way to parent, she says, is to lead by example, be flexible, be open, and be kind.
Memorial Drive by Natasha Trethewey– Trethewey’s memoir tells the heartbreaking account of how her mother came to be murdered by an ex-husband.
White Tears/ Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color by Ruby Hamad – Hamad argues that white women perpetuate the oppression and dehumanization of underrepresented people while asserting themselves in a male dominated world often by playing the “damsel in distress”. Hamad’s point is that white feminists don’t necessarily want a more equal society for everyone, just one where they have the same amount of power as men. Her ideas are certainly incendiary and rather unforgiving, but the idea of one oppressed group rising in society at the expense of another does resonate with me. I’m not sure that I buy everything she says, to be honest.
Big Cotton: How a humble fiber created fortunes, wrecked civilizations, and put American on the Map by Stephen Yafa – a survey of the history of cotton, primarily focused on America and Europe. A little meandering and lacking in first hand research, but nonetheless fascinating. The environmental and social toll of producing cotton has made me rethink denim.
And With The Kids:
Eye by Eye: Comparing how Animals See by Sarah Levine – picture book that explained how eyes worked and how different animals’ eyes are adapted to best serve them. This was a great informative and engaging picture book – I felt like I really learned a lot from it. There are several books in the series, and they are all excellent.
Baker’s Magic by Diane Zahler- This was our read aloud Chapter book this summer. Charming and full of fun details. About an orphan who bakes magical creations and a quest to save a Princess and bring back the trees.
One Crazy Summer (audiobook) by Rita Williams Garcia, read by Sisi Aisha Johnson – read with a lot of wit and character. Book about three Black sisters who are sent to Oakland to spend the summer with their mother. The spend the summer navigating the Bay Area, their mother’s lack of affection and the Black Panthers.
The Wolves of Willoughby Chase (audiobook) by Joan Aiken, read by Lizza Aiken – adventure story of an orphan and her cousin as they flee an evil guardian and try to restore order and good to their lives.
The baby’s head smells like curry powder. So does the kitchen.
She has figured out how to open doors. She comes out of her bedroom in the morning (or in the middle of the night), and finds her way to our room, opening door after door until she can hoist herself into our bed. Lately she has really liked opening the door to the pantry and getting into the spices. She shakes them, and then if she can manage she opens the tiny jars. And if she manages to open more than one jar, she pours the contents form one jar to the other, mixing spices and herbs like a little apothecarist.
The other day, I found an empty jar of whole cloves sitting on its side in the kitchen. Puzzled, I searched all over for where she could have dumped them, sniffing here and there for any telltale traces, unearthing not one clove. Shrugging, I told myself, “Well, maybe the jar was empty to begin with….”
A couple days later, I opened up the jar of mustard seed only to find it full of ginger powder. And there nestled in the ground ginger and mustard seeds were little brown clove bulbs, their spiky bulbs poking up through the pale yellow powder and little yellow spheres. A strange little concoction. Mystery solved.
The curry powder incident was another of her unmonitored sessions. I was in my room doing some work on the computer when I heard loud crying. Rushing downstairs, I found that not only had she dumped a whole packed of chana masala powder on the floor, she had then rubbed her eyes, stinging them with the spices.
When I was about nine or ten or twelve, my parents owned a restaurant. One of my jobs was to fill the salt and pepper shakers. One day, I rubbed my eyes in the middle of this task and the burning pain was instantaneous and horrible. My mother (or maybe my brother, I can’t remember) took me to the bathroom and helped me rinse out my eyes, but the sting lasted a good while. For a lifetime, one could say.
I am reminded of this as the four year old, runs up to the baby. His arms are spread wide. “Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo!” he trills, imitating an ambulance as her gives his crying sister a hug.
Lots of hugs and a wet washcloth to the eyes later, the baby and I are cuddled in a chair as she recovers from the pain, and the shocking surprise of the pain. I hold her close and smell her curry scented hair. It’s not a bad perfume.
The house smells like curry for days afterwards. I don’t mind – I love the warm homey smell.
These days, I feel like I’m ten steps behind discovering what my children are up to. While I’m making dinner or puttering around the house, they play and meddle and poke around and explore and discover. Later, I will find measuring cups in the toy school bus, plastic storage containers in the with the bakeware, books flung in all corners of the house. I’m sure there is a metaphor there for children and what they are capable of when you aren’t watching. Or perhaps it is a cautionary tale to savor and watch them while you can. I’m not sure, though I’m sure both are lessons I should be embracing.
But in the meantime, I’ve put a childproof cover on the doorknob of the pantry.
I took the children camping again earlier this month. Every time I told someone that I was going camping by myself with the three kids, their eyes would widen with a little horror and disbelief. I’m not quite sure what it is about camping with kids that makes it seem like a feat of bravery. I’m no hero, or a sadist or anything – we weren’t even backpacking (though I admit that sounds like it would be a good time too). We were definitely car camping and there were bathhouses and drinking water and a camp store. I guess I just like being outside and in nature and as far as getaways go, camping is on the inexpensive side, although the Husband makes fun of me every time I buy a piece of camping gear.
The way I see it, the hardest part about car camping with amenities (and good weather) is setting up, taking it down, and making sure no one falls in the fire in between. Once the camp is set up, I just laze in the hammock with a book and watch the kids dig in the dirt and wonder what we’re going to eat for the next meal.
Setting up took a bit longer than I expected because it started to sprinkle when we got to the camp site. I had been constantly checking the weather forecast, which called for sunny weather, so I was rather unprepared for the rain. Luckily the downpour was brief. We hunkered in the car for about thirty minutes and then, when it had slowed to a drizzle, I set up the tent. During all this, the baby figured out how to climb into the car via the trunk and work her way to the front seat and honk the horn repeatedly, much to my mortification. I would pull her our of the driver’s seat, go back to setting up the tent, and she would climb back in the car when I wasn’t looking. Rinse repeat. The couple in the campsite across the way were seated around their fire, facing our site, and I could tell they were quite amused by the baby’s antics.
The next day we walked over to an aviary on the campgrounds. They had several rescued birds there, primarily owls, but also two bald eagles and several hawks. It was so cool to watch the birds, with their haughty unblinking gazes.
Horned owl and bald eagle.
Next to the aviary was a newly built nature playspace – logs and tunnels and stumps for kids to play on, each one devoted to a certain aspect of bird behavior.
I believe the prompt for this one was to pretend they were hopping birds.
In the afternoon, we went to the beach on the lake. The water was a nice temperature and the nine year old went swimming while the younger two kids and I waded in the shallower waters and played in the sand. Next to the beach was a playground and we spent time there too.
The second day we went on a hike. There is a trail around the lake. It is about five miles long. I think we made it two. But I think this is the nature of hiking with kids. Pack lots of snacks, take lots of breaks. And spend lots of time with the small moments of nature. It’s not really about the miles you walk, or the destination, or completing the loop. We took our time, ate our picnic snack by the water and tried to skip rocks. I’d say that was a pretty successful hike.
Lakeside hike.
That afternoon was spent lazing in the hammock, followed by ice cream, a visit to a sunflower field and then another trip to visit the birds at the aviary. It felt like a perfect summer day.
Sunflower field.
The four year old had the “kiddie” size. Wow.
The Husband surprised us on the morning we were to leave by taking the day off work and showing up at 7am. At my request, he took the kids for a walk while I packed up the camp site. Then we got on the road. We stopped on the way home to visit one of the creameries on the Maryland Ice Cream Trail. I am determined to visit all ten creameries on the list this summer. We shall see. This creamery was nice because in addition to ice cream and a playspace, you could also see cows and calves. There was a storm coming, so we didn’t stay as long as I would have liked, though I suppose it was nice to get home.
Ice cream, cow eyes, and storm clouds.
Some things to remember: 1) The nine year old convinced me to get walkie talkies. Last trip she was always afraid of going to the bathroom by herself, so when we were at REI stocking up for this trip she asked if we could have walkie talkies. Given that she was somewhat reluctant to go camping in the first place, I said yes. We ended up having a lot of fun with them. The nine year old liked to give me detailed descriptions of her surroundings, which I thought was actually a good exercise. And we had code names – Washington, Hamilton, Phillip and Eliza. We also had great fun with the walkie talkies on the way home since we were in two cars.
2) This beautiful piece of floral oil cloth that was in the 50% off remnants bin at Joann Fabrics. It made a great tablecloth – thick, and easy to wipe down. And the cheery pattern made me smile every day.
3) Bringing a chapter book to read out loud. One afternoon, all four of us piled into the hammock and I read from The Midwife’s Apprentice. That was probably the coziest, calmest 30 mins of the entire trip.
4) These construction vehicles from our toy bin got tons of use. They’re really small – each about 4″ long – but the four year old and the baby spent so much time playing in the campsite gravel. We also brought them to the lake beach and had lots of fun digging and building in the sand.
5) This blue jay flew into a tree next to our camp site as I was packing up. It sat on a low branch and chirped as I worked, enchanting me with it’s proximity.
6) I think one of the most memorable moment came our second night. That evening, after dinner, we made a fire, with plans to make smores. There was a little misunderstanding and I accidentally threw the four year old’s marshmallow twig into the fire, thinking it was kindling. Much crying ensued. Much loud yelling as well. I was sitting with a sobbing, heartbroken child in my lap when I looked up and the man from the campsite across the way was coming over with a container of lighter fluid in one hand and some wood in the other.
“I came over to see if I could help,” he said. “Brought some stuff for your fire.”
Then he looked at our tiny little fire that had finally managed to catch.
“But looks like you got it going,” he added. “Everything okay?”
“Well, I accidentally threw his marshmallow stick into the fire,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Do you want a marshmallow stick?” he asked the four year old. “I got one you can borrow. I’ll be right back.”
And in a few minutes he came back with a set of marshmallow forks. “You can keep those,” he said. “They’re extra.”
And then we introduced ourselves. His name was Bill. He looked at the baby and said, “Ah. You’re the car climber.”
We chatted a little more, and then he went back to join his wife at their campsite. When people say that camping by yourself with kids can be hard, I will always remember Mr. Bill and how he made it a little less hard for me.
What we ate:
Dinner #1 – Curry veggie ramen soup. This was probably the favorite meal all trip. And so easy and fast too. Recipe: Sauteed cabbage, carrots, onions and garlic (precut at home). Add curry powder, grated ginger, veggie soup base (prepped at home) and water and bring to a boil. Turn down heat and add noodles and tofu. Cook until noodles are done.
Breakfast: pancakes (Kodiak pancake mix made with eggs and milk though you can make it with just water), fried eggs, fruit.
Lunch: mini bagels with cream cheese. Cucumbers, hummus, carrot sticks.
Dinner #2: Shrimp foil packets. Leeks, yellow squash, peppers, 1/4 corn on the cob, par boiled potato cubes and shrimp. Cajun seasoning. Butter and olive oil. Tasty, but took longer to cook than I thought. Smores made with fancy chocolate.
Breakfast: pancakes and bacon. Fruit.
Lunch: salami, crackers, cheese, cucumbers, hummus, carrots, apple slices.
Dinner #3: freeze dried camping meal – Mushroom stroganoff – and Hungry Jack instant mashed potatoes. I sort of guessed the amount of water to add to these so while the flavour was tasty, the texture was off. Freeze dried mango and sticky rice for dessert. This was odd.
Snacks: Teddy Grahams, Doritos, trail mix, beef sticks, frozen GoGurt. Basically all the junk food that I try to limit at home. But I’m realizing that bribing my children with pre-packaged scientifically calibrated to taste good food is key to getting my kids to come camping.
When I look at my time tracking journal, sometimes I feel like life is an unending slog of pick up/ drop off/ what am I going to make for dinner. But even though there are certain things in life that are “wash, rinse, repeat” every day is different and contains its own joys, no? At any rate, having missed doing weekly recaps for pretty much a month, I thought I’d recap the joys I found in July – one for each day. So here they are:
7.1 – Prepping from home. Love having the flexibility to do this.
7.2 – Got to visit with a good friend after camp drop off. Just a couple hours sitting and chatting while the 4 year old played quietly by himself and the baby napped.
7.3 – Met up with college friends for an afternoon walk around a near by quaint small historic town.
7.4 – Fourth of July! Chores: sorting baby clothes, making me feel nostalgic. Such itty bitty clothes.
7.5 – First day of rehearsals!
7.6 – A tam tam showed up in rehearsal. I find it delightful.
7.7 – After the baby fell out of bed again, I asked on the local listserv if anyone had a bedrail they were looking to unload and I was offered several. Gave me the warm fuzzies.
7.8 – Forgot my phone at home today, and while I was initially worried that I would miss something, by the end of the day, I came to appreciate being more intentional in my availability. What I did miss: being able to read a book on the Libby app, Google Maps.
7.9 – First time dining inside since March. I was invited to dinner to help celebrate a colleague’s birthday. A lovely evening of comradery and theatre stories.
7.10 – Final Room Run! It’s been a fast yet gentle process.
7.11 – Date night with The Husband. My parents watched the kids and we went out for ceviche. First time in… actually probably since the baby was born.
7.12 – Walked the nine year old to camp. Which was probably a mistake as it felt like it was 80 degrees by 8:45am. Also foolishly thought the baby could make the walk – it’s less than a mile and she has been known to walk 2 miles. Hah. Had to carry her back home. Uphill. Grateful that the four year old walks with little complaints, though.
7.13 – I found some castanets for our show at a music shop near our house. Castanets are very fun. Our one and only tech rehearsal in the evening.
7.14 – Final Dress!
7.15 – Day off. Visited the zoo with my parents and the two little kids. Saw lions and tigers.
7.16 – Opening/ Closing performance and party afterwards where I got to catch up with some friends who had come to see the show.
7.17 – Cover Run and final clean up. My parent’s last night in town. Sad to see them go, but so grateful that they were here.
7.18 – Friends came over for dinner, along with their three kids. Nice to be hanging out again.
7.19 – Dressed the baby in this pink flowery dress that had been the nine year old’s at that age. It was one of our favorite things to put her in, and I had forgotten about it until this week. Good thing too, because it is almost too small. The baby is so much bigger than her older sister was that this age.
7.20 – Exit interview at work. (Though I don’t much care for the term “exit interview” seems so final….) Even though it gave us a lot to think about in terms of organizational structure and objectives and how to serve them, I am so excited and happy that I got to be part of this company this summer.
7.21 – Took the kids for gelato in the afternoon. I’m on a quest this summer to consume as wide a variety of frozen treats as I can. I had the honey-fig-mascarpone gelato and it was very good.
7.22 – A friend of the Husband’s was in town so we all had lunch together. I know this is a luxury for the gainfully unemployed, but I love lunch dates with the husband.
7.23 – The County Parks Department had an event where arborists “taught” kids how to climb trees. They hooked them up in harnesses and hoisted them to the leafy treetops. I think I was even more excited about it than the four year old. The baby declined to try, even though the arborists were certainly game to put her in a harness and send her up there.
7.24 – Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics. I love watching the Olympics. For all the criticism that the Olympics gets about being overblown and terrible for a city’s economy, I think there is something so inspiring about each individual athlete.
7.25 – 8 am swim meet. Last one of the season. Swim team is certainly very time consuming, but I’ve loved seeing how much it’s inspired the nine year old to push herself.
7.26 – Am trying out a new mask pattern. I know that cloth masks are not as effective as N95 masks, but I like how when I make one, I can make sure that it fits tightly and comfortably for the kids.
7.27 – Took the two littles to story time and a park afterwards. I love that the libraries are doing outdoor story time.
7.28 – While visiting the library today, saw that the rec center (which is located in the same building) has toddler play times three times a week. And it’s free! I signed the kids up for rec center passes on the spot. The center also have pool tables and ping pong tables and open gym for basketball – all things I think the nine year old will like.
7.29 – My friend Kristen met us at the pool for pizza and pool time, but then it started to rain really hard, so we abandoned the pool and went home to have pizza and Olympics time.
7.30 – Took the kids on a hike up near Harper’s Ferry. I kind of didn’t follow the trails correctly so we never made it to the stream, but it was a lovely shaded wood walk with lots of butterflies. Good to get our July hike in!
7.31 – Our friends dropped their dog off for a week. He is small and cuddly and adorable and while I don’t want a dog for myself, I think dog sitting for a week is a great way to scratch that “I want something small and cute” itch.
We are almost half way through August now. Back in June, the summer seemed endless, but now we are in the last month of it and there seems to not be enough time to do everything I want… including doing nothing.
My camera roll is surprisingly empty this week. Well, empty of pictures that I took myself. It is somehow filled with selfies taken by the nine year old. Sometimes she loops her brother and sister into her shenanigans. As a result, I get surprise photos and videos in my feed when the iPad synchs with the cloud. I find it a cute, even while I am annoyed that she is co-opting my iCloud storage. The other day we had words about something and she recorded an apology on the iPad that popped up in my photo roll on my phone. It was hard to stay mad at that.
Anyhow this week was kind of a fresh start. The nine year old started camp and I started prep for my next show. I had enrolled the nine year old in a county camp – nothing fancy, just arts, crafts, games and plenty of time outdoors. The main virtue of the camp, quite honestly, was that it was incredibly inexpensive – $275 for six weeks, when most camps charge at least that much for a single week – and also that it is about a mile and a half from our house. She did walk to camp one morning with my dad, and I’m thinking I might do the walk with her on mornings when I don’t have to be at work in the morning. The one shortcoming of the camp is that it only runs until 3pm. This isn’t a problem for me since my parents pick her up, but I do realize that this makes this super affordable camp a non-option for many working parents.
For me, it was a combination of working from home and a day or two working on site. I’m learning to be more efficient with my time when I’m working at home. Working from home was definitely much easier this week since my parents were in town and could help watch the kids.
Even though I try not obsessively document my life in photos, I do notice that when my photo roll is empty, it means I’ve been particularly immersed in the “doing” of life, rather than remembering to take time to find the things to be savor or to be grateful for.
Good things this week, then: – long visit with a friend whose kids are at the camp adjacent to the nine year old’s camp. It was great to catch up and talk about deep and frivolous things. The two younger kids came along and the four year old plays cars by himself for ninety minutes. I love that he can get in such a flow state of play. Also – I showed him a transformer and he was adorably amazed. “It’s a truck that turns into a robot!!!!” – The nine year old had a couple swim meets this week. I took her to one and the Husband took her to one. I’m still finding it a little awkward to make conversation with other parents at these meets, but I do enjoy seeing the event management and planning that goes on to make the meets happen. The parents are all assigned tasks at the meet; I was a timer. Putting stage management skills to work, I guess. I find it interesting to see other pools as we travel for meets. – I am really excited for this next opera I’m working on because it reunites me with a colleague whom I absolutely love working with. Actually she was one of the reasons I decided to take this job.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Snack dinner – hummus, crackers, cheese, whatever I could scrounge from the fridge. Still recovering from the camping trip.
Sunday: Burrito bowls from Dinner Illustrated. Pantry meal.
Monday: Hot dog at swim meet and Chipotle afterwards
The other day I turned my back and the baby dumped a box of Cheerios on the floor. I snapped a picture and sent it to my friend. “Cheerios are my version of Nutcracker snow, ” I wrote.
For those who don’t work backstage, let me explain. At the end of the first act of the perennial Christmas favorite The Nutcracker, there is a huge snow scene. Vast amounts of snow is dropped from above the stage, blanketing the stage, drifting into the wings, coating the dancers. So much snow also means intermission clean up. I am forever finding little white bits of Nutcracker snow somewhere backstage, even deep into spring. But it is huge part of the show. So every performance snow gets showered on the floor. And every intermission the crew sweeps it up so they can set for the next act.
(I guess the opera version of Nutcracker snow would be Madama Butterfly flower petals. And there was a recent production of Eugene Onegin that featured a leaf drop with similar pervasiveness.)
And so it is with that box of Cheerios. It starts on the table. The baby dumps it on the floor. I clean it up. It gets dumped on the floor again. The cycle begins again. And for the rest of the day, I will be finding Cheerios in all obscure corners of the dining room.
Putting up a show is often an exercise in creating and then dismantling then restoring in order to create again. A scene moves forward, props get used then discarded. Costume pieces get worn then removed. Scenery shifts. Then you get to the end of the show and then everything gets returned to it’s starting place so you can do it all over again. And the same things happen again. The same props move, the same costume pieces are put on and off, the same scenery changes position. Then the crew scrambles to put it all back together again.
We call it “Re-setting for the Top”, this act of putting everything back to where we started so that we can do it all over again.
But in reality, it’s not always the same. Particularly in rehearsal. Things change, singers find new nuances in their portrayal. Directors change traffic patterns to clarify the story they are trying to tell. Dancers, adjust a position or a movement. Even stage managers, who are supposed to be the soul of consistency, even we find subtle ways to make things better or more efficient – perhaps that prop should be preset facing the other way for ease of pick up. Or maybe this entrance order needs to be adjusted to get those who sing first onstage at the front of the line. Or maybe I need to move that post-it in my book so that I see it sooner and throw the cue on time. There are always big tweaks and little tweaks that can be made.
The second act of La Boheme, despite being one of the busiest scenes in all of opera-dome is actually quite short – usually kissing twenty minutes. In a three hour rehearsal, even with thirty minutes of chorus breaks, you can run Act Two at least five times, maybe six or seven if you’re fast at re-setting. That’s a lot of re-setting. But at the same time, it’s a lot of chances to figure out how to make things better.
There is a saying that life isn’t a dress rehearsal, the implication being that the curtain is up and we are living our one shot in front of an audience. But I think, the people who say this don’t truly understand rehearsal. Or life. I think, perhaps life is indeed like a rehearsal. Despite this being our one precious life, I don’t think that we are here to get it right on the first take; it’s a process. It’s a process of learning and trying and failing and clarifying and then trying again. Perhaps we need to be more forgiving of ourselves and of others and realize that everyone should get an opportunity to reset for the top, another chance to try things again until one arrives where one wants to be.
This includes that baby and the box of Cheerios. I’ll keep resetting that box, and perhaps one day, instead of dumping the Cheerios on the floor, she will finally figure out how to pour it into her bowl and get herself breakfast.
View from the hammock. Relaxing for five minutes at a time.
I had a week off work so I took the kids camping for three nights, along with my parents. It was also the first full week of summer break, and I thought a little unplugging would be good for everyone. Also – for some reason, I had thought that the nine year old had camp last week, but nope.
My brother, an avid backpacker and hiker, says that three nights is the minimum for camping because it takes at least two nights to adjust to sleeping outdoors. In the end, I kind of wished that we could have stayed for even more nights.
We went to Swallow Falls State Park. A friend had suggested it as a good hike for kids because it is short (less than two miles) and has three water falls for the kids to play in. Luckily we went mid week so I was able to book campsites. The weekends seem to be booked up all summer.
We drove out on a Tuesday, leaving much later than I had planned. We arrived at the campsite around 7pm. But as the camp site was 170 miles west of home, the sun went down about an hour later, so we had plenty of light by which to pitch our tents and set ourselves up. The campsites themselves were on the small side. I don’t know that I could have safely made a fire on our site since our tent took up most of the camping pad. Luckily I had booked my parents the site next to ours, so we spent most of our time on their site. Also, our site was rather close to the road. Next time, too, I would pick a camp site on the inner loop – those seemed a little farther back from the road.
In the morning, we went hiking at Swallow Falls Canyon Trail. We had been here a couple of years ago with my sister-in-law’s family. Back then, though, the kids were younger so we only made it to one waterfall. This time, the kids hiked the whole loop. Well, the baby did about half of it, and then spent the return portion of the loop sleeping in the Ergo.
Tolliver Falls
The trail loops through some woods, and then along streams, rivers and waterfalls. I know some hikers hike the path clockwise, trekking along the stream and then through the woods. I didn’t quite read the map correctly so we hiked through the woods first and then meandered back along the water. I think, though, I kind of preferred this way – the gentler, forest walk first then using the more interesting terrain on the return trip as kind of an incentive for the kids to keep going.
At the top of Muddy Creek Falls
All in all it was a great hike for the kids – there was water to splash in, rocks to climb, and the trail was nice and shady. The hike was quite popular, even on a weekday. I probably would avoid it on a weekend if possible. And at the trailhead, was an ice cream truck!
Upper Swallow Falls.
Scrambling up rocky ledges.
The rest of the day featured ice cream, lazing in our new hammock – my camping gear splurge for the year, and absolutely worth it! – dinner cooked over the camp fire, and smores. Also a fairly late bedtime what with the late setting sun and all.
Getting good use of our hammock!
Our second day, we went to Herrington Manor State Park. There is a lake beach there and I though it might be a nice way to spend the summer day. Going to the beach on a lake is a little bit of an odd experience – there is sand and water, but for me the absence of wind and waves and sea salt air was conspicuous. It took me a while to realize what was missing from the beach experience, and finally I put my finger on it – it was much too quiet without the constant crash of the surf. Nonetheless, we had a great time. We even rented a canoe and my dad and I took the nine year old and the four year old out for a paddle. It was a little tricky since none of us really knew how to paddle, but we did eventually figure it out. I remember when I was in elementary school, during one swim lesson, our instructors put a canoe in the pool and taught us how to paddle. That was a long time ago, and I’m sorry to say I don’t remember much of what we were taught. Once my father and I figured out how to get the canoe to go (somewhat) the direction we wanted, the nine year old also had a turn at paddling, which I think she really enjoyed.
Smores!
View from the shore!
On the way home, we stopped at Misty Meadow Creamery for lunch and ice cream. Last week, I had put out a call on our local parents’ listserv for favorite frozen treats in the area. A couple parents shared that every summer, our state has an Ice Cream Trail every summer, where they print a map highlighting Maryland dairy farms. The idea is that if you visit all ten dairies, you can be entered in a drawing for prizes.
One down, nine more to go!
Misty Meadow Creamery was somewhat between Swallow Falls State Park and home, so of course we stopped. It was actually a really nice pit stop. They had some play structures to climb, farm animals to pet, and some ride-on toys to play with. And of course, ice cream. I had a cone with root beer ice cream on top and black raspberry on top. The root beer is a seasonal flavor, and it was like a root beer float in ice cream form. It was a hot hot day, and our ice cream almost melted faster than we could lick it.
Little baby, big sky.
There was also this really neat gazebo with four gliding chairs. I immediately texted the Husband a picture saying that I wanted one. Though, of course, I have no place to put it.
I want this for my new reading nook. Not sure where to put it, but it screams summer to me.
It was a great trip overall. I wish we could have stayed longer, but unfortunately the weekends were all full up. We’ll put it on our list of places to visit again.
What we ate:
Saturday: Can’t remember. Though we got Indian Take Out for lunch.
Sunday: Chinese Take Out for Father’s Day.
Monday: Kale and Tomatoe Saag Paneer from East. Our friend Renee came over for dinner and brought a really delicious blueberry crumble as well.
Tuesday: PB& J Sandwiches, after getting to the camp site kind of late
Wednesday: Breakfast – oatmeal Lunch – PB & J Sandwiches, hummus wraps, apples, carrots, cucumbers, watermelon Dinner – Fish foil packets cooked over the campfire. Cod and Salmon over celery, peppers, parboiled potatoes and carrots. S’mores.
This was a magical smores combination!
Thursday: Breakfast – pancakes (from mix), and bacon (a camping treat!) Lunch – at the beach, sandwiches, Dinner – Tried to make hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls over the campfire, but that didn’t work so well. The pastry didn’t really cook all the way through. Also had baked beans and corn. All cooked on the fire.
Millenium Falcon pancake!
Friday: Snack dinner, thrown together with minimal prep the night we arrived home. Tuna fish, carrots, cucumbers, cheese, and crackers.
I’ve realized this week, that no matter how long the rehearsal process, we still go through all the stages. And yes, even as a stage manager, I feel it. Sometimes more than others. In a way, a pretty short rehearsal process, as I just went through, is perhaps even more exhausting than a longer one because these emotional stages are condensed; even as I found myself arriving in one stage, I was already moving into the next stage. So in a way having a short rehearsal process where we are working two sessions a day can be just as emotionally taxing as a longer rehearsal session with three sessions a day. The mental journey you take is still the same.
All in all, though, it’s been really great to get back. There have been so many moments when I stop and I just feel so comfortable and happy to be doing my job again. At the end of our final dress rehearsal, I was standing out onstage as Maestro gave his notes, and I gazed out into the house. Of course, in an outdoor space, gazing out into the house means (at that late hour) gazing out into the inky night sky and feeling the cool summer breeze. I was told we were lucky to be in the space on a mild summer nights. Some nights it gets upwards of 100 degrees!
A good friend of mine will every so often post as her Facebook status: “I get to go to rehearsal today!” And every day I’ve felt that. Maybe it’s because I’ve been away for a year+ , but I feel very lucky and excited to be able to be in rehearsal again.
Opera in COVID times is certainly interesting. We have a COVID Compliance coordinator in the room with us, advising us on whether or not what we are doing is within the guidelines we were given. I feel like we are being very conservative, but because of the aerosol nature of singing, I think being cautious is important. So the singers are asked to maintain 6′ of distance between each other when standing still, and 17″ when they are singing. As much as possible, props are not shared. If they are shared, or touched by multiple people – they get santized.
I try to be a pretty stoic stage manager. But at our first onstage rehearsal, as the singers came to stage, stepping out of the wings for the first time in over a year, their tears of joy left me a little verklempt. There were lights, there was an orchestra, there was rows and rows of seats stretching back back back. There was vast expanse of space to filled with music. There was the darkness of backstage and standing in the wings. There was a crew of familiar faces – such a welcome sight after over a year. There were dressing rooms (freshly renovated!), and the soft light of dressing room mirrors. And there was this easy going sense of gratitude that we got to be here again.
Other things that happened – I accidentally set off the fire alarm at work one day. It. was. mooooortifying. I was putting away some music stands and they fell off the rack, hitting the wall in just the right way so as to trigger the fire alarm. We had to clear the building and the fire department had to come to turn off the alarm. Luckily (?) we were on a rehearsal break, so we didn’t lose that much rehearsal time. But still. One of those “I can’t believe I did that” moments.
Life: We joined a pool this summer. The nine year old really wanted to join a swim team this year. I debated whether or not to join a private pool or just go to the County pools this summer. The County pools have more features and could potentially be less expensive, but they don’t all have a swim team and are a little farther away. Then I found out that one of the private pools in our area has a trial membership option, which seemed like a low stakes way to dip our foot in the world of swim team and pool membership. They also offered swim lessons, so I signed the four year old up for that as well. It’s a pretty modest pool, and shows its age a little bit, but I’m actually really excited to spend some lazy afternoons there.
I think we’ve reached the tail end of cicada season. It’s certainly been fascinating. The noise, the crunchy exoskeletons piling up, the swarms of bugs on trees, a trail up the treetop.
What We Ate – catching up version/ somewhat incomplete.
Saturday: Sausage and peppers on sub rolls
Sunday:
Monday: Memorial Day – so we went to a friend’s house and had bbq and lots of snacks. I made a pasta salad to bring.
Tuesday: Red curry rice noodles from Dinner Illustrated. Had some yellow squash to use up.
Wednesday: The Husband Cooked since it was my first day actually going into the office.
Thursday: White Bean and Fennel Stew from Milk Street Fast and Slow. Make ahead dinner to be ready for everyone when they got home from dance class.
Friday: pizza and I Spy. A cute family film about a CIA agent and the spunky kid he teams up with.
Saturday:
Sunday:
My first full week back at work was a lot of make ahead meals that I could throw together in the morning so that the family could have dinner waiting for them after swim practice:
Monday: Greek Pasta Salad – same recipe as Memorial Day.
Tuesday: Black bean tacos with mango salsa. Black Beans made in the Instant Pot from Milk Street Fast and Slow.
Wednesday: The Husband cooked. I think he made fish, but I didn’t make it home in time for dinner
Thursday: Mushroom Quiche. The Husband made a really tasty side salad. Like so tasty, I was eating the half dried out leftovers the next morning.
Friday: Pizza take out and Hoosiers.
Saturday: My father made beef noodle soup
Sunday:
Monday:
Tuesday: leftovers (for me). Husband and Kids – smoked salmon on bagels.
Wednesday: leftovers (for me). Made some Tzatziki, which the Husband served with Greek chicken and pita
Thursday: Pav Bhaji from Made in India. Also watermelon. I love watermelon season.
Friday: Leftovers (for me). Not sure what the rest of the family ate. Pizza and movie night postponed because of a swim team pep rally.
