life skills – Life Off Headset

Stage Management Skills in Real Life: Just move the Post It

So many Post-Its! A page from my score for the opera Radamisto.

(So I realize, after the it was written that this post got a little in the weeds about stage management life… hopefully there isn’t too much theatre lingo in it! But happy to explain if anyone is confused by the terminology. I think I take the terms for granted sometimes and assume it’s pretty clear what we are talking about.)

Sometimes, when calling a show, I would get a note from the director that something was called late. And I will look at that page in my score or script, where things are a rainbow of post its which tell me when to call the cues, and I think to myself, “Oh yes. It was. There is a sound cue and a light cue at the same time and I had to page the cast, and the rail cue right before…. I need to just practice reading those Post-Its so I say everything in time for the stage crew to execute the cue when the director wants it.” That’s the internal monologue.

To the director I’ll say, “Yes, I felt that. It will get better. Stage managers need rehearsals too.” (Because it doesn’t get said enough – Singers get three weeks of rehearsals to figure out what they are doing onstage. Stage Managers are expected to make everything happen onstage perfectly the first time when we tech show.)

And the next rehearsal the same thing will happen and the cue will be late again.

And I just keep thinking, I need to practice and do it a couple more times so that I say “go” at the right moment. Sometimes I get frustrated that I missed it and blame the conductor’s lack of downbeat, or the noise backstage, or what not…. Before the next rehearsal, I’ll listen to the recording of the opera with my score in front of me, and practice calling, so that I’ll feel prepared at the next rehearsal.

And I’ll call it late again.

And after rehearsal that night I’ll stare at that page, and there will be a moment when I look at it in defeat and confusion and frown…

… and then I’ll just move one of the Post It.

Maybe I’ll move it one bar later, or half a page sooner, but regardless – I’ve realized that one of those Post-Its has to move. Not, of course a Post It that says “Go” for when the cue is supposed to happen. But maybe a Post It for a “Standby” to warn the crew that the cue is coming up, or a “Places” call for when I ask the cast to come to stage. And amazingly, just moving that one Post-it opens up space and time and allows me to call the cues with a little more room.

In my head, I need to page the singer to Places five minutes before their entrance – this is the standard. But I can in fact page the singer five minutes and thirty seconds before their entrance. I can move that “Places” Post-it thirty seconds away from the “Light Cue – Go” Post it. And that extra thirty seconds gives me the time to call the light cue in the right place and stage magic will happen exactly when the director wants it to.

I was thinking of this lately, how shifting one thing can make everything else easier. As the weather here turns chilly and the sun is still too low at 8:45am to have dried the dew from the windows of my car so that when it is time to take the kids to the school bus the car is still covered in moisture – it feels like there is one more Post-It on the page than I am used to. There were a couple of days last week when we were almost late because I had to wipe down the car so I could see safely out the windows. And as the weather gets cooler, there will be more tasks between the school bus alarm going off and getting to the school bus on time. Right now the tasks are: Shoes on, jackets on, backpacks on, get in the car, drive. But in a few weeks, there will be frost on the car windows. There will be winter coats and boots and hats and mitts. There will be letting the car warm up. There will be shoveling of snow.

And I’m sure the first few times there will be almost misses of the school bus. And I will be frustrated and annoyed that the September “School Bus” alarm does not get us to the bus on time in December. And then I will remember that light cue that I never called right until I moved the other Post-it. And I will move the metaphorical Post-it and set the “School Bus” alarm five minutes earlier. And that will give us the space we need to get make morning magic happen. Morning magic being: arriving at the school bus without any yelling or panic.

Having a routine plan is good, but only if it gets me where I need to be. I have to remind myself – if things aren’t working, sometimes I just need to move a Post-It.

Weekly Recap + what we ate: Thanksgiving week!

Pie research! That’s Cook’s Illustrated, Tartine, How To Cook Everything, Better Homes and Gardens, and King Arthur Flour Baking Companion

So much to catch up on! I had a little glitch with the website, so didn’t get to post for a while. But hopefully it’s all good now.

A while ago, we watched with much admiration as our six year old neighbor mowed the lawn while his father looked on. His father was pretty hands off, only stepping in a few times when the terrain was challenging.

Inspired by this, the Husband decided that the eight year old could also learn to mow the lawn. I’m so proud of both of them.

This week it seemed like we turned the corner of the season. After a fall of activities and random days off, we are about to enter December with -gasp- full weeks of school. It kind of feels like we have to rediscover a rhythm and routine for making full time school manageable again. These days, a lot of my schedule does revolve around the eight year old’s schedule because I want to be around for her while she is in class. Also with my drawing class over, the next seem a little blank with potential. It’s not quite a carte blanche because there are still bills to pay and the holidays to prepare for, so I guess it’s just a matter of figuring how these things will fill those currently blank calendar pages.

With three half days of school and pretty mild weather, we did make a point of several extended outdoor sessions. Tuesday we put our masks on and went to one of our favorite county playgrounds. They have giant slides and a sandbox with those digging machines. The three year old spent most of his time on the diggers while the eight year old played Zombie Apocalypse with some other kids she met there. The baby has discovered slides and she can go down them by herself. She determinedly climbs up the steps to the top of the slide, sits downs, then turns around so she is laying on her stomach, feet first. She then zooms to down, a joyful grin lighting up her face as she goes. Then she does it all over again.

Thanksgiving was different this year. We usually stay in town but celebrate with friends, and sometimes family if they are here. Last year my brother and sister-in-law and her parents were here. It was a wonerful combination of touristy adventures and homey family time. I usually make several dishes- usually a pie, a veggie, and a bread something. This year we spent the day by ourselves, and our oven is still broken, so it was a lot more low key than years past.

We did have a Zoom call with family – it was my brother’s birthday!- and it was nice to see my sister-in-law’s parents as well as my parents and my brother’s family.

Things we still did:

-Watched the Macy’s day parade. It definitely wasn’t the same, but kudos to the people working on it, making all the various segments come together so seamlessly. Ultimately it was the stuff that we remember as tv watchers- floats, balloons, musical numbers, friendly banter, Christmas ads.

-watched football while snacking

-baked a pie. I made a pumpkin pie. Every year I choose a recipe and then forget which one I used so then I can’t recreate it and am sent scouring the cookbooks to try to remember. So for the record- this year I made the recipe from Tartine with two egg yolks instead of one and fresh ginger. Also used rum instead of brandy because that was what we had, but I might skip the alcohol next time. But the texture of the custard was perfect. Pie crust from KAF baking book.

-squirts Reddi-Wip in our mouths. Very important tradition. The baby was initiated into this tradition this year. She definitely enjoyed it.

Friday we started putting up Christmas lights around the house. We have never really put up Christmas lights but the eight year old always asks and we thought this year… why not? We didn’t quite get finished, but we did get a good start.

Some other fun and cozy things this week:

– We got a pomegranate in our produce box this week. There is something so fascinatingly beautiful about the pomegranate experience – the deep red exterior, the jeweled interior, the care and work it takes to extract the pips even feels like an art. I feel like I’m still finding the ideal way to extract the seeds where I don’t make a mess or have to pick through tiny membrane fragments. But also – maybe this careful persistence is part of the pomegranate experience?

– Last year, I decided to finally learn how to knit. All the kids have hand made blankets that are much treasured, so I had decided to make one for the (about to be born) baby. I have long been a crocheter, but I wanted to learn to knit too. So I asked my friends for advice, looked at a bunch of online tutorials, bought some circular needles, went through my yarn stash and got started. And I did it! I somehow managed to figure out how to knit. By which I mean I just make rows and rows of plain knit stitch – often while sitting in front of the tv in the evenings, or on road trips (when we used to take those). I started almost a year and half ago, and the blanket just keeps growing. Having chosen a rather open ended pattern, I’m not quite sure when it will feel long enough or finished. But it’s gotten to the point that it’s become quite a cozy project as the blanket is now big enough to cover my legs as I work on it. It is full of imperfections, small gaps and uneven stitches – a first effort if ever there was one, for sure.

-The baby will now reach for my hand when we go for walks. This small, almost unconscious gesture of trust and attachment, the combination of her independent mobility and her need for closeness – it slays me sometimes.

What we ate:

Saturday: leftovers

Sunday: Shakshuka in the Instant Pot. I love Shakshuka, but haven’t been able to find a great recipe yet. Most recipes I find come out a little too tomatoe-y, and not the complex savory experience I’ve had in restaurants.

Monday: Banh mi Bowls, but with noodles rather than rice, and I did make some quick pickled veggies to go with it (carrots, cucumbers radishes splashed in rice wine vinegar and a sprinkle of salt and sugar). This recipe was shared with me by a friend as a way to use up some coconut aminos that I’ve had in my pantry for years. The bottle was left me by a friend who came into town for a gig as part of her “end of job” pantry pass along. When gigging one often has lots of random kitchen ingredients leftover when it’s time to go home, and it’s kind of a custom to leave a bag of stuff with colleagues who are local. I love this kind of thing – it has introduced me to many new ingredients. At any rate – these bowls were delicious and we are adding it to our rotation.

Tuesday: Farro Bowls w/ green beans and cannellini beans. Adapted from Dinner Illustrated.

Wednesday: Salmon tacos.

Thursday: root vegetable gratin and grilled chicken. Cranberry sauce, which the eight year old helped to make. Pumpkin pie for dessert.

Friday: Pizza and Opera Lafayette’s production of The Blacksmith, streamed online. Opera Lafayette is an opera company that performs baroque opera – I did a gig with them in 2019 and I adore them. It is a company of talented, kind, and resourceful people, and all of these traits were evident in this outdoor production of Philidor’s opera comique. Baroque opera is my catnip, but when you combine it with traditional tunes and a Wild West setting, the whole thing was irresistible. The way that the musicians performed baroque music with a traditional American twang and that they presented American songs with the elegance of Baroque music was brilliant. It really makes one realize how varied yet alike different musical genres are.

Life skills for kids

Life Skills Bucket aka cleaning supplies. — Life Skills Bucket!

This morning, the 8 year old made herself breakfast – a fried egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. The husband has been teaching her how to do this for about a year now. It’s an ongoing process – first he started by teaching her how to toast the English muffins or bagels. Then how to spread the cream cheese or butter. Since last fall he has been working with her on how to perfectly fry an egg. (Hopefully the next step is how to throw out the eggshells. But I have to remind myself that it’s a long term adulting goal here.) We still turn on the stove for her, though in moments of enthusiasm she has done it herself – which causes me a mixture of pride and panic.

What struck me this morning, though, was how comfortable she has become with making this humble breakfast sandwich. There was a time, quite recently, when spreading the cream cheese would lead to a meltdown. But this morning, she moved quite confidently from one step to the other: butter in pan, English muffins in toaster oven, crack egg into a dish, then gently slip it into the pan, cook just so, layer a slice of cheese on top, cover to melt the cheese then slip it on to the buttered English muffin. I watched her do it, and I thought, “Huh, she’s learning some life skills!”

I’ve been trying to teach some life skills during this quarantine period – to the eight year old, at least. We are still covering basic survival instincts with the three year old and the baby. So far with the eight year old we’ve done: hand sewing (blanket stitch and whipstich), cleaning the bathroom, using [ctrl] + [x] and [ctrl] + [v]. I’ve also started on a long held goal to teach her how to write in cursive. Not really a life skill in this day and age, but there is something orderly and elegant about it that makes me sad it isn’t taught anymore. On the list also is touch typing. It boggles me that the kids spend so much time on computers in school, yet no one is teaching them how to touch type. Every time I watch my kid hunt and peck, I want to scream.

She also, of her own accord wants to learn to crochet, and has other cooking/baking things on her agenda. I do worry that the life skills on our list skew towards domestic arts and stereotypical feminine crafts. Though perhaps this skewing is more a societal construct than my own, and on the list should also be “Resist the Patriarchy (while not being a slob)”. I did throw, “Use a power tool” onto the list, just to balance things out.

A couple summers ago, I came across this list of Life Skills from the Edit Your Life Podcast, and it hits a lot of the things that I hope my child(ren) can learn. Replacing the toilet paper roll is a big one for me. I think we have that one down. Actually there are a couple things on this list that I haven’t mastered yet (“Identify freezer burn.” is one…. Though I tend to be pretty forgiving of stuff in the freezer, so perhaps that one isn’t necessary.)

Some thoughts/ tips I had about teaching my kids life skills:

Be patient – Often I get frustrated because I think, “I can do this in 5 seconds!”, but then I have to remember that I’ve had 40 years to figure things out. I do give myself a lot of “time outs” to scream into my pillow when things get irrevocably tangled or slow.

Lower your standards – The bathroom is now my daughter’s responsibility. It definitely doesn’t get as clean as when I do it, or when our cleaner does it. But I think that at least she is doing it. For me, a lot of the value is in the doing and getting done. First of all it means that I don’t have to do it, and second of all, it means that it becomes a doable task for her, which I think is empowering.

Make it routine – Once I teach the kid how to do something, there is a reasonable expectation from me that I will have her do it again. I think a lot of adulting is developing good habits (still working on that myself!) – so I want her to learn that things that will serve her again and again. So we clean every weekend. When school was in session, she would pack her own lunch and make her own breakfast. I think that is the “life” part of “life skills”.