Life Off Headset

Much delayed post, but there were a lot of books read in October. I think quitting Facebook has really helped me boost my time spent reading:

The Riches of this Land: The Untold True Story of America’s Middle Class by Jim Tankersley – I heard Tankersley interviewed on Fresh Air and immediately wanted to read his book. He was the first male journalist I heard talk seriously about the child care crisis in this country, particularly during the pandemic. Most of the time when you hear people talking about the childcare crisis in this country, it’s a woman. Moreover, when male journalists talk about the childcare crisis I find they often treat it like a minor problem among a sea of problems, but Tankersley fully acknowledged that the lack of affordable childcare in this country penalized women in way that it did not penalize men. Tankersley’s book is his exploration into how the idea of “middle class” in America has shifted through the years. What once a concept of, if not affluence, but at least of ease, is not longer that, particularly for women and underrepresented populations. Ultimately, he argues, we (particularly white men, he points out baldly) in this country need to recognize that there is enough to go around, and we have to work together to create policies that benefit everyone, not just those in the top income brackets. I thought it a very good read. He also had the sweetest most eloquent tribute to his dog in the acknowledgements; I seriously teared up reading it.

The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton, read by Kevin R. Free – Hinton spent thirty years on Death Row for two murders that he didn’t commit. Eventually Bryan Stevenson at the Equal Justice Initiative helps him win his freedom. I don’t think that’s a spoiler… the story of how Hinton finally got released is nail-bitingly suspenseful. Hinton’s memoir is an incredible story of hope and resilience in the face of a criminal justice system, and indeed a society, that is incredibly flawed and rank with prejudice. The book has surprising flashes of laughter as Hinton always seems to be able to find his faith and sense of humour even after going to some pretty dark places. This book made me angry in a lot of ways, but it also made me think about how we live both as individuals and as a larger society.

Hungry Monkey: A Food Loving Father’s Quest to Raise and Adventurous Eater by Matthew Amster-Burton – Amster-Burton is a food critic and writer and in this memoir/ recipe book details his efforts to feed his daughter Iris from first foods to pre-school snacks. There is something about this genre of dad memoir that feels to me a little disingenuous with its breezy, befuddled-dad tone and Gen X bourgeoisie – though, I fully admit that there are aspects of the latter that I embrace myself. But anyhow, the recipes and food ideas were actually pretty good and I’ve written some of them down to try.

My Year of Meats by Ruth Ozeki, read by Anna Fields – I had read about Ozeki’s latest book and when it proved unavailable on Libby, I picked up this earlier book of hers instead. The novel follows two parallel stories of Jane a tv producer who is working on a Japanese television series on meat in the American household, and of Akiko a bulimic Japanese housewife who watches the show. The book is billed as a satirical look at the television and meat industries, and though I didn’t find it particularly humorous, I liked the way Ozeki tackled the idea of dismantling and institution from within. Content warning – it does feature domestic abuse, and that’s not something I generally like reading about, particularly in an audiobook.

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner -(4h 46m) In her memoir, Zauner, who is half Korean half Caucasian, writes about her attempts to connect with her Korean roots and deal with losing her mother to cancer. There is an H Mart up the road from me and I love wandering the aisles and seeing all the familiar food and kitchen stuffs from my childhood, and also all the different ingredients from other countries. The book is about so much more than just food, but Zauner describes Korean food so beautifully that I could practically taste it as I read. My favorite passage: “Sobbing near the dry goods, asking myself, Am I even Korean anymore if there’s no one left o call and ask which brand of seaweed we used to buy?” I have never cried in H Mart, but I definitely have felt that sense of being lost in a store full of familiar things.

Bright Ray of Darkness by Ethan Hawke -(4h 39m) The Husband picked up this book from the library, and I started reading the first chapter because I was intrigued by what kind of book a famous Hollywood actor could write and if it could be any good. And it was. Very good. Hawke’s novel follows the main character, a somewhat dissolute Hollywood actor, going through a very public divorce while making his Broadway debut and trying to be a good father and a good son. I loved all the details of theatre life – so familiar but from such a different perspective from my own. The Hawke’s writing manages to feel really focused even when his character isn’t, allowing the readers to really understand the character before he understands himself.

Northern Spy by Flynn Berry – (3h 40 mins) A taut novel about two sisters who get entangled with the Irish Republican Army and the choices they make when they decide who, and what, they want to stand for. I had picked this book up on the recommendation of someone from my book group. This was definitely a page turner that I stayed up late to finish.

What God is Honored Here? Edited by Shannon Gibney and Kao Kalia Yang – This is a selection of essays written by Indigenous women and women of colour about their experiences with miscarriage and still birth. Each essay was so raw and emotional that I found I had to read my way through the book slowly, giving myself space between each essay. I’ve had several miscarriages, and while on they are very common, I think that I go back and forth between thinking of it as simply a medical issue on the one hand, and on the other hand something that is gut-wrenchingly difficult to go through and process.

Magic For Liars by Sarah Gailey read by Xe Sands – A novel that combines mystery with fantasy when PI Ivy Gamble is asked to investigate a murder at The Osthorne Academy of Young Mages where her estranged sister teaches. I thought this book was a lot of fun and Ivy Gamble’s voice was such a great combination of world weariness and reluctant compassion. I’m not a huge fan of fantasy and worlds where you can just use magic as a way to get by illogical plot points, but I thought this book was pretty good.

Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About The Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans, by Michaeleen Doucleff – (5h, 31m) Doucleff is an NPR correspondent who wrote this book after visiting a Maya village and noticing how they seemed to parent in a way that she was completely unfamiliar with as a Western Parent. She visits three villages and this book is about what she learns from their different parenting styles. I will say there is a lot that is click-bait-y about this book in it’s proclamation that Americans are doing parenting all wrong and that these different cultures have it figured out. It seems to be the latest in a long line of “Americans are parenting wrong!” books. While I think there are some useful points in this book, ultimately there was something about the book that didn’t sit well with me. First of all, I don’t think there is any “one size fits all” parenting advice; there is an infinite variety of parent/child combinations and every one operates differently. Secondly, I found a lot of Doucleff’s examples to be incredibly gendered. She writes a lot about how these cultures raise kids that are helpful, but in most of the examples she uses to illustrate her points it is the daughters tasked with helping around the house and caring for younger siblings. Furthermore, most of the conversations she has with parents in these villages are with the mothers. Fathers are largely silent. So while I think there are valuable lessons to be learned in Doucleff’s book about allowing your child autonomy and encouraging independence, I felt that her book perpetuated a lot of traditional gender roles in parenting. Which is not a fault, per se, but I think in a year when women have been hit so hard by pandemic care-giving, and women’s rights are being taken away in the name of progress, it’s not a message that I find comforting.