I’ve been inspired by the 1000 hours outside movement. At least for me and the baby. I don’t have as much control over the two older kids since they are at school for most of the day. I know they definitely don’t get outside as much as I want. I often rant that when I was their age (*eye roll, sigh*) we had recess twice a day, plus at lunch. The nine year old currently gets 30-45 minutes of outdoor time at school all day. And none if there is even a hint of moisture in the air. At any rate, I can do my best to make sure we get out during the weekends, and that they have the right clothing to brave the elements come colder weather.
This weekend, we managed two outdoor adventures. One was planned weeks in advance and the other was a rather impromptu affair.
The impromptu trip was prompted by a project the nine year old had for class. She had to build an indigenous dwelling. There was also an option to make a poster or design a pamphlet, but we regarded those options with scorn and declared that we would b building a model. I never had to do a diorama or such model when I was in school, but the Husband did. And, given that his father was an architect, the Husband actually did very little of his own building.
I’ve come to the conclusion that diorama and model assignments for fourth graders are really a long term learning experience so that forty years later they can build dioramas and models for their children. Yes, we may have co-opted her assignment a little.
Anyhow, Saturday morning, my husband did some googling and it turns out that there is a reproduction of an American Indian Village at Patuxent River Park, about an hour and a half from where we lived. So after soccer and dance lessons, we piled into the car and went on a spur of the moment jaunt. (With three kids, I feel like three hours advance planning counts as “spur of the moment.”). When we arrived, only one of the housing displays was still up, but luckily it was the shelter that the nine year old had planned to make anyway: a longhouse. After checking out the longhouse frame, we went on a forest ramble. The trail map indicated that the trail went to the water, but in reality, it went to an overlook of marshland with a very tree filled view. Once could catch sight of slivers of water between the branches. But it being fall, the foliage made the view pretty great anyway.
Slight view of the water, but still some neat moments of nature
The next day came the planned adventure: a family hike at a local park lead by a naturalist. The baby and I had gone on one of these hikes before, but this time the whole family came along. Only the baby fell asleep on the way there so the Husband stayed behind and went on a little ramble with her when she woke up an hour later.
Going on a hike with a park naturalist Katrina was really eye opening. I think it’s one thing to wander the woods on your own and do some forest bathing, but there is something really special about going with someone who will point out all the little details in nature that I would have missed otherwise. Like all the tiny variation of mushroom. And the sliver trail left by a slug on a leaf. And even though I’ve always let my kids climb on trees and fallen logs, there was something to not only having the park authority tell us it was okay, but even point out the best logs for climbing. She also, upon hearing of the nine year old’s longhouse project, pointed out what she thought would be the best tree bark to use and helped us gather some. And when the four year old started losing steam, Katrina pulled out a deck of nature games to play.
Little bits of nature
My third big outdoor adventure last week was going on a hike at the nearby nature center called “What’s that Tree?” For this hike, a naturalist taught us how to identify trees by looking at the location, bark, leaves, and buds. Looking at buds, I found really hard at first, but eventually I started to see how buds all grew in different patterns and angles. The nature center leads a winter Tree Identification hike which is all bark and buds, and I think I might sign up for that one; it sounds like a really great challenge. Even though this was billed as an adult hike, I put the baby in her carrier and brought her along. And the Husband even took the morning off work to come too… it was almost like at date! I think I can now identify a boxelder and an American hornbeam, two trees that I wasn’t even aware of before the hike.
The other big project this week was the Halloween costumes. The nine year old had a class Halloween party, so there was a bit of an earlier timeline for her Princess Leia on Hoth costume. Luckily everything arrived in time and then I made a braid on a headband for her to wear and also the badge. The badge was a print out from the internet modge podged onto a piece of cardboard and then attached to a magnetic name tag from a former job. I had a moment when I was trying to decide whether or not it was worth it to give up this name tag, this relic of a on of my favorite gigs, for my child’s Halloween costume. And then I realized I was being silly and putting too much pressure on a a little name tag so I covered it in hot glue and slapped the badge on it.
crafting
The Millenium Falcon was chipped away at a little every night. I feel like it kind of deserves its own post because it was kind of huge but also a lot of fun to make.
insides.
Good things this week:
-Promising vaccine news for the kids. (Even more promising by the time I hit “post” on this.)
-Rainy Friday. I feel like the weather is finally turning to cold and wet autumn after unseasonably warm temperatures so far. But I love the crisp cold nip of air, and the shiny sheen of a rainy day. I’m so glad I finally decided to get rainboots last year.
rainy day moments
-Pumpkin #1 is carved. The nine year old designed a cat face. I always dread carving pumpkins because of the mess and the time it takes. But this only took half and hour and clean up was pretty easy. So maybe I’m getting better at the whole pumpkin thing. I do actually like the carving process, it’s just that thinking about it is worse that the actual doing.
Notice the baby doing the nine year old’s homework.
-The baby will not require speech services. Hooray! We had her re-assessed by the county’s Infants and Toddler’s program since she still wasn’t talking much at her two year appointment. To our surprise, she actually was not showing the required 25% delay to receive services. She’s more like 10% delayed Turns out, that while she doesn’t have a lot of words, the way in which she is using the few words that she has is actually on track for her age -things like matching picture and words with real objects, being able to answer “where” questions, being able to name people, consistently using the words that she does have, and being able to whisper, using words to represent actions. Her lowest scores, since she was assessed in a variety of developmental areas, was in soci0-emotional areas. But the therapists said this was not uncommon for babies who have had such limited interaction during the pandemic. I still feel like such developmental assessments are somewhat arbitrary and can cause undue concern, but it is good to know what boxes are being checked off. The therapists left us with some tips for helping to grow her vocabulary and went on their way.
-Apple pie from September’s apple picking adventure. And finally getting a pie server. No more awkward attempts to serve pie (or cake!) with a butter knife.
-Inspiring thought for the week – I was listening to the Life Kit episode featuring Oliver Burkman who wrote a book 4000 weeks: Time Management for Mortals. I really liked that his approach to time was so different from the manic ultra-high productivity that seems to be so common in time management writing today. One thing he said in this interview – a thought which he attributes to James Hollis – is that rather than asking if something makes you happy, ask yourself “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me.” He goes on to say how parenting rarely makes one happy, but that it certainly can fall in the “enlarge” category. I feel that in our current climate of almost radical self-care, the enlarge/diminish question is perhaps a truer way to answer questions of what is worth spending our time on.
What We Ate: This was a fun week because the four year old planned the menu this week.
Saturday: Take Out Indian following out Patuxent River Park Adventure.
Sunday: Leftovers
Monday: Request from four year old was “Pasta”. I made Eggplant Pasta from the America’s Test Kitchen’s Bowls cookbook.
Tuesday: “Rice and Green Beans!” Clean out the veggie drawer stir fry. I think in addition to green beans there was bok choy, broccoli, red bell pepper, and I’m sure there was something else too.
Wednesday: “Chicken Soup!” Chicken Bok Choy soup. Pretty easy improvised recipe: boil chicken tenders in chicken stock, remove and shred. Throw mushrooms, carrots and sliced bock choy, soy sauce, garlic, sesame oil and star anise into chicken stock, boil until veggies are just tender, then throw in chicken dumplings and the shredded chicken and simmer until dumplings are done.
Thursday: The Husband make Spanish rice and black beans. (The request from the four year old was “Black beans with sprinkle”) He is trying to cook his way through the Betty Crocker’s Cooking Basics cookbook that he received in college.
Friday: Pizza and and failed attempt to watch Star Wars. Which might have been related to a failure to do chores. Sigh.
Even though the kids have activities on the weekend, I’m trying to make the most of the activity-free time. For me, that’s a blend of family adventures, chores and unstructured time. Self care is a bit of a trendy thing these days, and I’m finding that chores actually do constitute self care for me. Knocking things off the looming to do list does more for my mental health, than, say, a massage. (That might be a little unfair because I’ve never really liked massages, but you get the point.)
Last weekend, I took the kids to the local farm park. They were having a “Fall on the Farm” festival. It was drizzly and wet, but we still managed to make corn husk dolls, learn about soap making, and listen to an old time string band. I was fascinated by the musician playing the jaws harp – such a little instrument… I wonder if there was a sense of futility in playing it in a large open barn. The soap demonstrator too was particularly fascinating. She was a scholar whose primary focus was on soap in the Colonial times and she had all sorts of knowledge and theories about soap, how it was manufactured and how it was used. We stopped for Rita’s frozen custard on the way home. “We always get ice cream when we go on adventures!” the nine year old insisted.
Corn husk dolls.
I’ve started on the Hallowe’en costumes. I love making Hallowe’en costumes. I’m going to admit that. I feel almost abashed about saying it because I feel like Hallowe’en costumes have become one of those rocks in the maternal mental load, particularly for working mothers. When I tell people I’m making the kids’ costumes, I get this look of wide eyed disbelief, like I’m trying too hard. But here’s the deal: I make them because I like making them. I like the puzzle and the engineering and the crafting something out of nothing. (See previous post about making rehearsal props out of cardboard.) There was a year or two when the nine year old only wanted purchased costumes from Costco and I was a little sad about that. So as long as my kids will let me, I will continue to make them costumes.
This year, the nine year old decided that everyone is going as a character from Star Wars. She chose Princess Leia. The Husband suggested Princess Leia from Hoth since that would be the easiest costume to source. He was right – white pants, shirt, puffy vest have been ordered. I’m making a yarn braid as well:
Baby Leia
The four year old, when asked who he wanted to be, answered, “The Millenium Falcon.”
I told my friend this. “I see a lot of cardboard in your life,” she said.
Indeed:
Just the beginning.
The baby will be Han Solo, or she will just wear her R2D2 pjs, depending on what I have time for.
I took the car in for an oil change also. It was supposed to be one of those drop it off and come back affairs. But then I mentioned that the drive side headlight was out and could they look at it since I had replaced the bulb recently. I had had this issue before and when I took it too the dealer, they said they didn’t know what the problem was, so I almost didn’t mention it to my new mechanic. So he said he would take a look. The baby and I wandered the town where the mechanic was, we went to the park and the children’s library. We stopped at the fancy bakery and bought ham and cheese croissants and cookies. Then we went back to the mechanics. Well turns out, he had figured out the problem but needed to wait for the part to come in. I was so excited that he could fix the issue that I wasn’t at all annoyed that it would be another hour and a half. We wandered to the adult library three blocks over, sat in the garden and ate our croissants in the garden and then went inside to looked at more books.
It’s funny – what was originally supposed to be a two hour errand unexpectedly turned into a five hour errand, but despite that, it was a pretty good day. Libraries, parks, croissants and a wonderful mechanic – hard to go wrong there. I think, though, what really made the day feel decadent was that I luckily had the luxury of time. Certainly for many people, a two hour appointment morphing into a five hour appointment can really wreck havoc with one’s day. So perhaps it’s the silver lining of my current unpaid work status.
Other things to savor this week:
Full Moon
Full moon and hospital – as seen on one of our evening walks.
Messages
This inspirational and creative rock garden that we see on our neighborhood rambles.
jumps
Watching the baby grow by leaps and bounds
Helper
The baby helping to sweep, then actually picking up each individual Cheerio and placing it carefully in the dustpan.
This little creekside spot where we go to throw rocks when the playground is too wet with dew.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Dumplings.
Sunday: Leftovers.
Monday: Vegetarian Bibimbap. This was a “use up all the veggies” meal. I always think bibimbap is going to be complicated, but it’s always comes together much faster than I expece.
Tuesday: Shrimp and Pasta from America’s Test Kitchen’s Bowls cookbook.
Wednesday: Chickpea Noodle Soup from America’s Test Kitchen’s Vegan For Everyone. This was really tasty.
Thursday: The Husband cooke and he made fried chicken salad.
Friday: Pizza and some random sit com with puppies. It was the baby’s turn to “choose” the movie and I had started with All Dogs Go to Heaven, but then there was this awkward Asian caricature in it and I decided that we didn’t need to watch anymore of that movie.
The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins, read by Emily Shaffer, Kirby Heyborne, and Lauren Forgang– Jane Eyre is one of my all time favorite books, so this thriller, a contemporary take on the Bronte Classis was kind of my catnip. Mr. Rochester has always been one of my literary crushes and I sort of loved seeing a take on him that was not the Byronic hero. It actually made me see how the original Mr. Rochester could be seen as quite a toxic character. I listened on audiobook and it was gripping – I’ve decided that thrillers/mysteries are one of my favorite audiobook genres.
Severance by Ling Ma – I think I actually read this this summer. I read a hard copy borrowed from the library, so it’s a little hard to tell. This novel tells the story of Candace Chen, an office worker bee. When a global pandemic hits the world, she finds herself joining up group of people who are travelling to a mysterious destination, trying to stay healthy and alive and not dissolve into anarchy. Certainly a timely book to read during COVID times, the book made me think about themes of family and permanence and what we cling to when the world shuts down.
The Hopefuls by Jennifer Close, read by Jorjeana Marie– This novel is about a couple, Beth and Matt, who move to DC when the husband gets a job in the Obama administration. They meet another political couple, Jimmy and Ashleigh, and the two couples’ personal and political lives become entangled. A deliciously soap opera of a book. I really liked the glimpses of DC, and all the familiar landmarks and restaurants that were mentioned. It made me long for my youthful twenties and indoor dining.
The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow -(6h, 30m) – Hadlow’s novel tells the story of Mary Bennet, the oft ignored middle sister from Pride and Prejudice. Hadlow manages to write a book that feels very much of the same family as Austen, with the same dry wit and insightful observations of humans learning to live in society. I especially loved getting to see Lizzy and Darcy from an outsider’s point of view.
Four Hundred Souls ed. Ibram X. Kendi and Keish N Blain, written and read by various people– This book is a collection of writings that tell the history of Black people in America. Each writer takes on a five year span starting from 1619 – when the ship the White Lion brings “some 20-and-odd Negros” to Virginia – to the present day. I would hesitate to call it a collective history because so many of the chapters are about and individual experience, and I don’t think that any one individual can tell the history of the whole. The majority of the stories in this book are events or people that I’ve never heard about, and that makes me realize that the idea of “history is written by the victors” is incredibly problematic. Stories of oppression and injustice need to be told and not just a casualty of the dominant culture writing the history books.
The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson – (4h 25m) This novel combines two obscure bits of Kentucky history – the Pack Horse Library Project of the 1930s and the blue people of Kentucky. Cussy Mary Carter is one of the blue people- people with a genetic condition that makes their skin blue. She works delivering books to people in rural Kentucky who do not have access to them.
Hench by by Natalie Zina Walschots – (7h, 3m) This satirical novel is about Anna, an office worker who happens to work in the office of a Super Villain. As Anna rises professionally, she dismantles the mythology of Super Heroes. It’s a perceptive look at work place dynamics and how everything has a flip side and that flip side is very flawed and human. I enjoyed this book immensely.
Madeline’s World: A Biography of a Three Year Old by Brian Hall – This is a very detailed account of the first three years in the life of Hall’s daughter Madeline, beginning with her birth. It was fascinating and tedious… much like young children. Hall’s careful observation of Madeline’s every move, sound, gesture, and development certainly made me feel like I was missing out on a lot of my child’s life. But then again, if someone paid me to write a book about the minutia of a baby/toddler, I might be more observant. I’m somewhat kidding on that. My favorite observation in the book, in reference to his daughter’s preference for an image in a book over the real thing: “… it did unsettle me that she was thus learning, so early, to value the representation over the real.” I do think about this a lot… how to have children live in a world of real things. And who gets to define that?
Invisible Women:Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez – (8h 1m) Criado Perez is a journalist and advocate who focusses on women’s rights and issues. In her book, she details the many ways that women are left to a disadvantage because of a failure to account for them when data is collected using a male default. Reading this book made me so angry because by not accounting for the data of women, it creates a world that is unsafe, unhealthy and unfair for women. From crash test dummies to signs of heart attacks, from not valuing the unpaid work of women in GDP to not realizing the value of a diverse leadership, women are at a disadvantage and in many cases it is literally killing them. One of the most findings I found most upsetting was how the lack of gendered bathroom facilities in places with communal restrooms – ie. refugee camps, third world countries, etc. – creates an environment where women don’t feel safe going to the bathroom alone or at night because of the real possibility of being assaulted. “When planners fail to account for gender,” she writes, “public spaces become male spaces by default.” Such an eye opening read.
-Outside of the swim center where I take the baby for swim classes, there are hammocks. They are part of kind of public/private art space. After swim lessons last week, we spent a good ninety minutes on the playground, then wandered over to the hammocks and cuddled and swung the in the crisp autumn air. There is a beautiful timeless quality to be found in a good hammock.
-Night time walks. The sun is setting earlier and earlier these days. But some days, dinner is done and put away and we still have half an hour until bed time. In the summer we would take and evening walk, and Sunday night, I thought, “Why not?” So I got out the flashlights and we took an evening flashlight walk.
flashlighting the way!
-On the flip side – the sun rise is also later, and Friday brought this beautiful sky. It certainly made it worth my while to take the trash out.
red sky at morning….
Three things I’m cautiously optimistic about:
-I’ve started running. Running has never been my thing. To be honest, exercise has never been my thing. But something about turning forty made me realize that while I’m actually a pretty healthy eater, there is probably more that I could be doing to stay physically strong. Particularly these days when life is rather sedentary. I credit the “on your feet” nature of being a stage manager with a lot of my passive good health. So anyhow, I’ve started running while I’m waiting for the four year old’s soccer and Mandarin sessions. By running, I mean I walk for 30 seconds, jog for 1 minute, and repeat until the voice in my head tells me to stop. By “voice in my head” I mean the Audible training program that I downloaded.
– The kid’s toy room is passably tidy these days. We had a moment a few weekends ago where the mess – or rather the lack of picking up of said mess – really got to me. So I told the four year old – because let’s be honest, it’s mostly his mess – that he could only have two of his four bins of building toys and he could chose what. He chose the tracks and the Magnaformers. The Duplos and the small blocks went away to the highest shelf in the closet, along with a small box of Barbie clothes and accessories. I’m not sure if removing two bins of toys has lead to a tidier toy room, but I can now walk into the room without the searing pain of stepping on small toys, so I’m calling that a win. I had a thought the other day as to whether letting the toys have a separate toy/ play room is actually a good thing, or whether it discourages family togetherness. I should probably just stop reading parenting books and do whatever keeps me sane and my feet pain free. So far, it hasn’t been as awful as I’d always imagined running would be. I go nice and slow and I don’t push myself to breathlessness, except maybe the last sprint of the run.
-I’ve decided to quite Facebook for a little bit. Facebook went offline a couple weeks ago, and it was kind of the nudge I needed to quit. Or at least to sit with not having it in my life for a little bit. I found myself spending way too much time on all the random groups I had joined – and while I miss being on the groups for the fountain of opinions and thoughts and information that I could find there, and also as a forum for me to share my opinions, thoughts, and information – some of them could be incredibly toxic, and judgmental. And I found myself getting very judgmental as well. So I just stopped. And interestingly, my screen time hasn’t gone down, but that’s because I’m reading a lot more. I mean I still spend a lot of time scrolling random blogs and websites, but even still, I finished five books last week. I’m still trying to figure out if there is a replacement for Facebook groups, but maybe I should just learn to live with a smaller sphere of voices vying for my attention.
Okay – one thing I’m not optimistic about: the door knob cover that I had put on the pantry to prevent the baby from getting into the spices has proved… ineffective. It took her about two days to figure it out. Sigh.
And a mixed blessing: Beautiful weather. Freakishly warm weather for mid October. So while I am basking in golden temperatures to accompany the golden leaves, I worry for the global environmental conditions that allow this.
And this moment of beauty:
Is this what is meant by “dappled sunlight”?
We’ve been reading some Robert Frost and the other day, walking from the park to drop the kids to school, I looked back and the sunlight shimmering through the leaves and breathlessly thought of the Frost poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay”:
Nature’s first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf’s a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.
What We Ate:
Saturday: Takeout from our favorite Burmese restaurant, which, tragically, is closing at the end of the month. I will miss their green tealeaf salad.
Sunday: Leftovers.
Monday: Zucchini with Bucatini, inspired after I listened to Stanly Tucci’s interview on Fresh Air.
Tuesday: Sausage and Peppers. Forgot to defrost the sausage, so cooked them in the Instant Pot, though the Husband pointed out you can grill frozen sausages.
Wednesday: The Husband made fettuccini alfredo. It was his mother’s favorite dish, and Wednesday would have been her birthday.
Thursday: Tamarind Chickpeas with Greens from Milk Street’s Tuesday Night Dinners. I really liked this dish. The baby loved the chickpeas.
Friday: Pizza (purchased because we forgot to defrost the pizza dough) and Baketopia (again) because last week’s Baketopia got cut short.
Trying to get back in the habit of recapping our week and dinner menus.
And here we are in October. September seemed a blur of finding the rhythm of new routines. But actually I feel like it’s October when things finally find their pace. Of the four weeks in September, I think there was only one week where the nine year old went to school for all five days. Each weekend, too, brought a new activity – Soccer and Mandarin for the four year old, dance and swim for the nine year old. Two activities for each older child didn’t seem like a lot when I was doing the sign ups, but since I opted to place them on the weekend rather than spread over the weekdays, they are starting to add up to a chunk of our weekend. We’re still trying to figure out the right balance of “fun” time vs. “free” time.
Lest she feels left out, while her siblings are at school, the baby is doing a music class – meh – and a swim class – actually very fun. And we go on lots of walk and visit the playground frequently. Fall colour is starting to make an appearance, a little at odds with the 80 degree weather some days.
Fall colours coming through…
In the “made my life easier” category, the school district added a bus stop for the nine year old’s bus just down the street. In fact, it is in front of the four year old’s school. Even though we have to leave five minutes sooner than before to be able to walk to the bus stop, I think there is something psychologically easier about walking fifteen minutes rather than driving ten minutes as we used to do. After the bus picks up the nine year old, the four year old and the baby go to the nearby playground for twenty or thirty minutes before I drop the four year old at preschool. I’m finding it a really relaxing way to start the morning, particularly after the rush and hustle of morning routines.
And the afternoon drops off in the same location too. There was a little bit of mental calculus to decide if it was worth having her take the longer bus ride so that we could pick her up closer to home. On the one hand, it makes for one pick up location for both kids. On the other hand, she’s now on the bus for about an hour coming home. I figure we’ll try it until it turns out not to be a great solution. But I have to admit being able to walk to drop off and pick up has been kind of ideal.
Birthday Cake!
The baby turned two in September.
She has started to nap somewhat consistently if I lay the day out right. Namely, if I don’t put her in a car between the hours of 11am and 1pm, I have a reasonably good chance of getting her home, putting some lunch in her, and then having her go down for a nap. Of course, often we are out and about in the mornings so putting her in a car during that window is unavoidable. Then I am stuck with the dilemma of letting her sleep and get her nap in and being stuck in the car, or waking her up to get her lunch and hope that the nap train has not left for good. With the former, it does allow me to get some reading done. With the latter… if it works that she does nap, then I can get some things on my to do list accomplished. Of course, most of the time the nap doesn’t manifest itself with the latter.
I’ve become used to doing more mental calculus for the repercussions of waking the sleeping baby. It usually goes something like… “Is the stuff of my to do list doable with a baby around? Is it computer tasks (then, no because she is very good at climbing onto my chair and swiping at my keyboard). Is it pick up or meal prep – in which case it’s okay to let her run rampant through the house…” Tasks are ranked in my head according to ease of execution with a toddler around and level of importance. Of course some days, she falls a sleep on me and then nothing gets done. I’m trying to savor the sweet weight of a sleeping baby in my lap. I’m getting a lot of reading done.
Girl in a log!
I’m trying to find adventures for us to go one. I found out that the nature center at one of our regional parks has toddler appropriate story times and hikes, so we’ve signed up for many of those. The naturalist who leads them is wonderfully engaging. She approaches every log, leaf, and hole in the ground with and infectious curiosity and enthusiasm. I’ve come to realize that my kids (and I as well, let’s be honest) can more easily distinguish a FedEx truck from a UPS truck than they can distinguish the many variety of trees that surround us. That seems unfortunate to me. The park naturalist gave me some great resources for identifying things in nature and I’m excited to explore that more.
Teamwork!
We also managed to go apple picking, one Saturday in September. We came home with a ridiculous amount of apples. In addition to the apples we picked, we brought home an enormous bag of seconds. The Husband reasoned that the apples we picked should be for pies and eating out of hand, shuddering at the idea that we use it for apple sauce. The four year old was quite excited by the prospect of making apple sauce, however. Hence the bag of seconds. Half of the seconds have been made into apple sauce and frozen. Some years I can the apple sauce, but having canned a bushel of peaches in August, I didn’t have any more jars left. So into the freezer for this batch of sauce. If I get my act together, maybe the next batch will be canned. There was also apple pie filling made, and one actual apple pie. There is still filling for a second and third pie.
applesauce!
In America Flag exhibit.
At the beginning of October, there was an art installation down on the Mall to commemorate the lives lost to COVID. 600,000 flags were planted at the foot of the Washington Monument. Some of the flags were inscribed with messages from people in honour of a lost loved one. When the exhibit was over, the artist asked for volunteers to help take down the flags, so I took the baby and we drove downtown to help. We went the second day of the strike, when about half of the flags had already been removed. Even still, what remained of the installation was still a heart stopping sight. Seeing the sea of flags fluttering in the breeze, all light and movement, quantifies the lives lost in a way that merely looking at number on a dashboard couldn’t.
I have to say, I miss being able to jump on the metro and pop down on a whim to the Mall to see the monuments and museums. The clean white marble lines, the vast expanses of green, and the buildings full of things of note, being able to meander through at my own pace because I know that I can come back easily. This is one of the aspects of pre-pandemic life I miss the most.
What We Ate – So far in October:
Monday: Falafel and Greek Salad – Falafel is from America’s Test Kitchen Vegan for Everyone Cookbook. The door on our toaster oven broke – and we finally decided to replace it. The new toaster oven comes with an air fryer function. I’m learning that this is just a fancy way of saying high heat convection. Anyhow, I tried and experiment with the falafel where I fried half of it in oil and used the air fryer for half. The falafel fried in oil tasted better. No surprise there. But… the air fryer did a great job of reheating the falafel the next day. So I guess that’s a win. The falafel recipe was also delicious. It called for using soaked dried chick peas rather than cooked, and a touch of cinnamon.
Tuesday: Quesadillas from Dinner Illustrated. By which I mean I used their method of cooking them in the oven rather than in the frying pan. The filling was my own inspiration – black beans, peppers (from the garden!), corn, pepper jack cheese.
Wednesday: Eggplant with Coconut Rice from Meera Sodha’s East.
Thursday: Mac and cheese from Dinner Illustrated. The recipe features chard and there was much skepticism going in, but everyone declared it tasty in the end. Yay.
Friday: Pizza and Curious George. We’ve been making homemade pizza again now that the weather has somewhat cooled and turning the oven to 525 degrees is something we can contemplate. It was the 4 year old’s turn to choose the movie. This was a version of Curious George from 2006 and there is some awkward dated bits, particularly the colonial tone of the parts set in Africa.
Saturday: Dumplings and cucumber salad.
Sunday: Leftovers. We are trying out having leftovers for Sunday dinner. The purpose is twofold: 1) clean out the fridge, and 2) getting dinner on the table with minimal effort between the 4 year old coming home from Mandarin classes and the 9 year old’s swim practice. I’m learning that there are leftovers no one is ever going to eat. But at least this way it won’t be because we forgot about them.
Monday: Tofu Scramble on Toast from Meera Sodha’s East. A vegan version of breakfast for dinner.
Tuesday: Take out since we got home late from flag gathering. Chinese. Really spicy, but super delicious.
Wednesday: Harvest bowls – Farro, lentils, roast sweet potatoes, apples, cranberries, feta, and kale. From America’s Test Kitchen’s Bowls cookbook. I’m really liking this cookbook. Everything is so customizable. It’s kind of more like a book of ideas.
Thursday; Carmelized Onion Ramen from East. Tasty. I always like eating noodles. Apple pie for dessert.
Friday: pizza and Baketopia. We recently discovered that our favorite Italian Deli also sells pizza dough. It’s really good. Much better than anything I can make – it bakes up super puffy and crispy. Game changer.
Last week I heard of the passing of yet another opera colleague. Not one that knew personally, but one who I know touched the lives of so many people and of whom many glowing things were spoken. The composer Carlisle Floyd also passed away in the last days of September. His opera Susannah was the first show I called as an AGMA stage manager. I loved that piece – beautiful and darkly dramatic. Kind of like a Tosca for our age. A “shabby little shocker” and a great evening at the theatre.
A few weeks prior, I heard of the passing of a beloved director with whom I had worked with many times. A wonderful gentleman who loved life and drama and met it with kindness, generosity and a twinkle in his eye. From him I learned that the relationship between the artist and the audience is one of humility and gratitude and never to take for granted the privilege we have of being able to tell stories for a living.
I’ve always hated opening night parties and closing night parties. After opening nights, the director and design team leaves and you have to say good-bye. And then again on closing night you say good-bye to the cast and crew. I am wretched at saying good-bye. It always feels uncomfortable and makes me self-conscious. I work at a job where saying good-bye and moving on is a certainty – so why is there so much sentimentality for something that is just part of the job? On the other hand I think creating something forms bonds and properly saying good-bye honors that in a way. At any rate, I’ve taken to trying not to say good-bye. I say, “Until next time.”
This morning I went on a bright autumn walk with a friend. She is a former opera colleague, and we got to talk about the recent deaths of beloved industry colleagues. “The thing I think that is the hardest,” I said, “is that one of the joys of our profession is the idea of ‘until we meet again’. You never know when you will work together, but you have faith that paths will cross and art will be made. And now, there are so many people that we know we will never work with them again. It’s even more hard particularly right now when we’ve waited so long for even the possibility of working with them again.”
The pandemic – and life during the pandemic – has taken so many lives since March of 2020. There is something so very raw and personal, though, about the passings of these last few weeks. Maybe it’s because they were people whom I had a connection with, that I still held out hope of working with. Maybe it’s because after a year and a half of colleagues and collaborators being so distant, we are finally emerging to come together again in rehearsal rooms, familiarly and with new precautions. And that emergence had brought the glimmer of possibility that those relationships that had been banked will now be able to be stoked and rekindled.
Many of my colleagues in the arts have managed to work through the pandemic. They’ve brilliantly embraced technology and health and safety protocols to create on their own and with other people. I’ve enjoyed seeing many of their efforts and held their tenacity to our art with awe and a little bit of jealousy. But aside from seven weeks this summer, I have felt too overwhelmed with the fires on the domestic front to contemplate looking for work in this new pandemic cautious world.
As I’ve watched these projects scroll across my social media feeds, I’ve been happy for those that manage to still create and support creators. And I’ve known that yes, someday, I would be able to get back out there too, and thought, wouldn’t it be cool to work with those people too? And that possibility brought a hopeful buoyancy to that part of me that loved my job and what we do. While I am struck with the loss of future collaborations, I know that there will be many more to come. Yet still, I grieve those who will no longer be with us when the curtain goes up again.
I haven’t kept up with my reading journal, so here is the quick and dirty of my summer reading:
The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.W. Schwab – Time bending novel about a woman who makes a deal with the devil to live forever. Or, rather, she asks for more time in life and is then given the dubious gift of eternal life, only she also does not remain in people’s memories. Absorbing, but the story didn’t quite go where I wanted it to go.
You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar. Audio book read by the authors – Ruffin and Lamar, who are both Black, recount stories of some of the racist incidents they’ve had to live through. Their experiences run the gamut from ignorantly well meaning to malicious and unkind. It’s a mix of funny, sad, and infuriating. It really made me wonder if it was possible to live more colour consciously in a way that is sensitive to everyone.
Hamilton the Revolution by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jeremy McCarter – These are the annotated lyrics for Hamilton interspersed with essays on the creative process of the musical. Hamilton fever continues in our house – except for the Husband who calls it “insidious” – and the theater geek in me loved reading about the journey of getting Hamilton to stage.
Midlife: A Philosophical Guide by Kieran Setiya – This book was recommended to me after I lamented the dearth of books about being middle aged. As I progress firmly into my 40s, I find I’m having a somewhat existential crisis about aging and life, and it’s just not something that the media likes to talk about. Setiya doesn’t really say anything new, but he does present his thoughts on fulfilment in life through the prism of philosophical thought. The takeaway – savour the journey, not the destination.
Hidden Valley Road by Robert Kolker – Kolker’s book tells about a family where six of the twelve children were diagnosed with schizophrenia. It’s an absolutely engrossing history. Sad, but ultimately hopeful.
Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Daniel Tatum, PhD. – Classic book about race in America. I really appreciated that Tatum has, since the original publication, added an entire section in the book devoted to other underrepresented groups and the struggles that are unique to each of them. For as false a construct as race is, it certainly is a powerful one. The other mind blowing idea for me was Tatum’s discussion about hiring practices – she writes that when hiring employers need to re-examine what they mean by a “best” or “most qualified” candidate. Often the things that tip the scale are the result of privilege and opportunity. She challenges the idea that there can be a “most qualified” candidate. Because any candidate that meets your job requirements are qualified. Having additional experience does not make someone moreso.
The Glass Kingdom by Lawrence Osborne – novel about a woman who is stuck in Bangkok after swindling a large amount of money. There was something meandering in the post-apocalyptic tone and style that really lacked momentum for me.
Murder on Cold Street by Sherry Thomas – the next in Thomas’ Lady Sherlock series. I always enjoy her writing, even if I find the plotting a little obtuse.
Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo read by Adjoa Andoh – Novel set in Nigeria about a couple, Yejide and Akin, whose marriage is challenged by traditional expectations, pride, and their inability to have a child.
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee – Novel about a poor Korean family in the early 1900s who emigrates to Japan and the story about their lives and the lives of their children. I had often heard this book touted as a “epic saga” yet the book didn’t have that kind sweep that I would have expected. It has a much quieter power to it, in it’s story of humble hard work and perseverance. But then again, who says that “epic” stories are reserved for people who die in glory on battlefields? I’m realizing that the story of the every day struggle it takes to put food on one’s table, to resist when rich men come calling, to just do the right thing… these stories are as much the backbone of history as any battle.
The Duke That Didn’t by Courtney Milan – Romance novel set in a small English town where a half Chinese duke tries to win the hand of the woman he loves. I love how Milan can write a totally absorbing romance set in England where the characters are Chinese, and this bit of diversity is a casual and important detail, but not a THING.
Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson – In this autobiographical novel in verse, Woodson recounts her childhood bouncing from Ohio to South Carolina to New York. I was really drawn in by her story and the story of her family, and how even the smallest things from childhood can be indelible.
The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune – I loved this book so much. This novel tells about Linus, a case worker who inspects government run orphanages for magical children. He is sent on a mysterious assignment to an orphanage on the shore and there meets the predictable assortment of “more than meets the eye” children. Yes, the story is a little familiar, but Klune has written it with so much wit and heart.
She Said by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, read by Rebecca Lowman – The New York Times journalists who broke the Harvey Weinstein story recount the story behind the story. So utterly fascinating and repulsive. The drama behind getting the story was nail-biting. Between this book and Bad Blood (about the Theranos scandal), I am beginning to feel like the lawyers behind the scenes in many of these cases are just as abhorrent.
Mrs. Martin’s Incomparable Adventure by Courtney Milan – Charming romance about two elderly ladies who work together to exact revenge on a very disreputable young man and fall in love along the way. One very rarely sees romance novels featuring older couples, and I loved that aspect of this book.
Parenting Outside the Lines by Meaghan Leahy – I’m a big fan of Meg Leahy’s parenting column in the Washington Post. In this book, she encapsulates many of the principles that form the backbone of the advice that she gives. My big takeaway from this book is that parenting is hard, but I, as the grown up, have to be the bigger person. “Never ever, ever wait for your child to be more mature than you,” she writes. So the best way to parent, she says, is to lead by example, be flexible, be open, and be kind.
Memorial Drive by Natasha Trethewey– Trethewey’s memoir tells the heartbreaking account of how her mother came to be murdered by an ex-husband.
White Tears/ Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color by Ruby Hamad – Hamad argues that white women perpetuate the oppression and dehumanization of underrepresented people while asserting themselves in a male dominated world often by playing the “damsel in distress”. Hamad’s point is that white feminists don’t necessarily want a more equal society for everyone, just one where they have the same amount of power as men. Her ideas are certainly incendiary and rather unforgiving, but the idea of one oppressed group rising in society at the expense of another does resonate with me. I’m not sure that I buy everything she says, to be honest.
Big Cotton: How a humble fiber created fortunes, wrecked civilizations, and put American on the Map by Stephen Yafa – a survey of the history of cotton, primarily focused on America and Europe. A little meandering and lacking in first hand research, but nonetheless fascinating. The environmental and social toll of producing cotton has made me rethink denim.
And With The Kids:
Eye by Eye: Comparing how Animals See by Sarah Levine – picture book that explained how eyes worked and how different animals’ eyes are adapted to best serve them. This was a great informative and engaging picture book – I felt like I really learned a lot from it. There are several books in the series, and they are all excellent.
Baker’s Magic by Diane Zahler- This was our read aloud Chapter book this summer. Charming and full of fun details. About an orphan who bakes magical creations and a quest to save a Princess and bring back the trees.
One Crazy Summer (audiobook) by Rita Williams Garcia, read by Sisi Aisha Johnson – read with a lot of wit and character. Book about three Black sisters who are sent to Oakland to spend the summer with their mother. The spend the summer navigating the Bay Area, their mother’s lack of affection and the Black Panthers.
The Wolves of Willoughby Chase (audiobook) by Joan Aiken, read by Lizza Aiken – adventure story of an orphan and her cousin as they flee an evil guardian and try to restore order and good to their lives.
The baby’s head smells like curry powder. So does the kitchen.
She has figured out how to open doors. She comes out of her bedroom in the morning (or in the middle of the night), and finds her way to our room, opening door after door until she can hoist herself into our bed. Lately she has really liked opening the door to the pantry and getting into the spices. She shakes them, and then if she can manage she opens the tiny jars. And if she manages to open more than one jar, she pours the contents form one jar to the other, mixing spices and herbs like a little apothecarist.
The other day, I found an empty jar of whole cloves sitting on its side in the kitchen. Puzzled, I searched all over for where she could have dumped them, sniffing here and there for any telltale traces, unearthing not one clove. Shrugging, I told myself, “Well, maybe the jar was empty to begin with….”
A couple days later, I opened up the jar of mustard seed only to find it full of ginger powder. And there nestled in the ground ginger and mustard seeds were little brown clove bulbs, their spiky bulbs poking up through the pale yellow powder and little yellow spheres. A strange little concoction. Mystery solved.
The curry powder incident was another of her unmonitored sessions. I was in my room doing some work on the computer when I heard loud crying. Rushing downstairs, I found that not only had she dumped a whole packed of chana masala powder on the floor, she had then rubbed her eyes, stinging them with the spices.
When I was about nine or ten or twelve, my parents owned a restaurant. One of my jobs was to fill the salt and pepper shakers. One day, I rubbed my eyes in the middle of this task and the burning pain was instantaneous and horrible. My mother (or maybe my brother, I can’t remember) took me to the bathroom and helped me rinse out my eyes, but the sting lasted a good while. For a lifetime, one could say.
I am reminded of this as the four year old, runs up to the baby. His arms are spread wide. “Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo!” he trills, imitating an ambulance as her gives his crying sister a hug.
Lots of hugs and a wet washcloth to the eyes later, the baby and I are cuddled in a chair as she recovers from the pain, and the shocking surprise of the pain. I hold her close and smell her curry scented hair. It’s not a bad perfume.
The house smells like curry for days afterwards. I don’t mind – I love the warm homey smell.
These days, I feel like I’m ten steps behind discovering what my children are up to. While I’m making dinner or puttering around the house, they play and meddle and poke around and explore and discover. Later, I will find measuring cups in the toy school bus, plastic storage containers in the with the bakeware, books flung in all corners of the house. I’m sure there is a metaphor there for children and what they are capable of when you aren’t watching. Or perhaps it is a cautionary tale to savor and watch them while you can. I’m not sure, though I’m sure both are lessons I should be embracing.
But in the meantime, I’ve put a childproof cover on the doorknob of the pantry.
I took the children camping again earlier this month. Every time I told someone that I was going camping by myself with the three kids, their eyes would widen with a little horror and disbelief. I’m not quite sure what it is about camping with kids that makes it seem like a feat of bravery. I’m no hero, or a sadist or anything – we weren’t even backpacking (though I admit that sounds like it would be a good time too). We were definitely car camping and there were bathhouses and drinking water and a camp store. I guess I just like being outside and in nature and as far as getaways go, camping is on the inexpensive side, although the Husband makes fun of me every time I buy a piece of camping gear.
The way I see it, the hardest part about car camping with amenities (and good weather) is setting up, taking it down, and making sure no one falls in the fire in between. Once the camp is set up, I just laze in the hammock with a book and watch the kids dig in the dirt and wonder what we’re going to eat for the next meal.
Setting up took a bit longer than I expected because it started to sprinkle when we got to the camp site. I had been constantly checking the weather forecast, which called for sunny weather, so I was rather unprepared for the rain. Luckily the downpour was brief. We hunkered in the car for about thirty minutes and then, when it had slowed to a drizzle, I set up the tent. During all this, the baby figured out how to climb into the car via the trunk and work her way to the front seat and honk the horn repeatedly, much to my mortification. I would pull her our of the driver’s seat, go back to setting up the tent, and she would climb back in the car when I wasn’t looking. Rinse repeat. The couple in the campsite across the way were seated around their fire, facing our site, and I could tell they were quite amused by the baby’s antics.
The next day we walked over to an aviary on the campgrounds. They had several rescued birds there, primarily owls, but also two bald eagles and several hawks. It was so cool to watch the birds, with their haughty unblinking gazes.
Horned owl and bald eagle.
Next to the aviary was a newly built nature playspace – logs and tunnels and stumps for kids to play on, each one devoted to a certain aspect of bird behavior.
I believe the prompt for this one was to pretend they were hopping birds.
In the afternoon, we went to the beach on the lake. The water was a nice temperature and the nine year old went swimming while the younger two kids and I waded in the shallower waters and played in the sand. Next to the beach was a playground and we spent time there too.
The second day we went on a hike. There is a trail around the lake. It is about five miles long. I think we made it two. But I think this is the nature of hiking with kids. Pack lots of snacks, take lots of breaks. And spend lots of time with the small moments of nature. It’s not really about the miles you walk, or the destination, or completing the loop. We took our time, ate our picnic snack by the water and tried to skip rocks. I’d say that was a pretty successful hike.
Lakeside hike.
That afternoon was spent lazing in the hammock, followed by ice cream, a visit to a sunflower field and then another trip to visit the birds at the aviary. It felt like a perfect summer day.
Sunflower field.
The four year old had the “kiddie” size. Wow.
The Husband surprised us on the morning we were to leave by taking the day off work and showing up at 7am. At my request, he took the kids for a walk while I packed up the camp site. Then we got on the road. We stopped on the way home to visit one of the creameries on the Maryland Ice Cream Trail. I am determined to visit all ten creameries on the list this summer. We shall see. This creamery was nice because in addition to ice cream and a playspace, you could also see cows and calves. There was a storm coming, so we didn’t stay as long as I would have liked, though I suppose it was nice to get home.
Ice cream, cow eyes, and storm clouds.
Some things to remember: 1) The nine year old convinced me to get walkie talkies. Last trip she was always afraid of going to the bathroom by herself, so when we were at REI stocking up for this trip she asked if we could have walkie talkies. Given that she was somewhat reluctant to go camping in the first place, I said yes. We ended up having a lot of fun with them. The nine year old liked to give me detailed descriptions of her surroundings, which I thought was actually a good exercise. And we had code names – Washington, Hamilton, Phillip and Eliza. We also had great fun with the walkie talkies on the way home since we were in two cars.
2) This beautiful piece of floral oil cloth that was in the 50% off remnants bin at Joann Fabrics. It made a great tablecloth – thick, and easy to wipe down. And the cheery pattern made me smile every day.
3) Bringing a chapter book to read out loud. One afternoon, all four of us piled into the hammock and I read from The Midwife’s Apprentice. That was probably the coziest, calmest 30 mins of the entire trip.
4) These construction vehicles from our toy bin got tons of use. They’re really small – each about 4″ long – but the four year old and the baby spent so much time playing in the campsite gravel. We also brought them to the lake beach and had lots of fun digging and building in the sand.
5) This blue jay flew into a tree next to our camp site as I was packing up. It sat on a low branch and chirped as I worked, enchanting me with it’s proximity.
6) I think one of the most memorable moment came our second night. That evening, after dinner, we made a fire, with plans to make smores. There was a little misunderstanding and I accidentally threw the four year old’s marshmallow twig into the fire, thinking it was kindling. Much crying ensued. Much loud yelling as well. I was sitting with a sobbing, heartbroken child in my lap when I looked up and the man from the campsite across the way was coming over with a container of lighter fluid in one hand and some wood in the other.
“I came over to see if I could help,” he said. “Brought some stuff for your fire.”
Then he looked at our tiny little fire that had finally managed to catch.
“But looks like you got it going,” he added. “Everything okay?”
“Well, I accidentally threw his marshmallow stick into the fire,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Do you want a marshmallow stick?” he asked the four year old. “I got one you can borrow. I’ll be right back.”
And in a few minutes he came back with a set of marshmallow forks. “You can keep those,” he said. “They’re extra.”
And then we introduced ourselves. His name was Bill. He looked at the baby and said, “Ah. You’re the car climber.”
We chatted a little more, and then he went back to join his wife at their campsite. When people say that camping by yourself with kids can be hard, I will always remember Mr. Bill and how he made it a little less hard for me.
What we ate:
Dinner #1 – Curry veggie ramen soup. This was probably the favorite meal all trip. And so easy and fast too. Recipe: Sauteed cabbage, carrots, onions and garlic (precut at home). Add curry powder, grated ginger, veggie soup base (prepped at home) and water and bring to a boil. Turn down heat and add noodles and tofu. Cook until noodles are done.
Breakfast: pancakes (Kodiak pancake mix made with eggs and milk though you can make it with just water), fried eggs, fruit.
Lunch: mini bagels with cream cheese. Cucumbers, hummus, carrot sticks.
Dinner #2: Shrimp foil packets. Leeks, yellow squash, peppers, 1/4 corn on the cob, par boiled potato cubes and shrimp. Cajun seasoning. Butter and olive oil. Tasty, but took longer to cook than I thought. Smores made with fancy chocolate.
Breakfast: pancakes and bacon. Fruit.
Lunch: salami, crackers, cheese, cucumbers, hummus, carrots, apple slices.
Dinner #3: freeze dried camping meal – Mushroom stroganoff – and Hungry Jack instant mashed potatoes. I sort of guessed the amount of water to add to these so while the flavour was tasty, the texture was off. Freeze dried mango and sticky rice for dessert. This was odd.
Snacks: Teddy Grahams, Doritos, trail mix, beef sticks, frozen GoGurt. Basically all the junk food that I try to limit at home. But I’m realizing that bribing my children with pre-packaged scientifically calibrated to taste good food is key to getting my kids to come camping.
