Life – Page 2 – Life Off Headset

Seasonal Fun lists, regrets, and Fall Aspirations

My first glimpse of Fall colour this year – at Mont Royal in Montreal in AUGUST!!!

Today is officially Fall!

Earlier this month, I was thinking about all the “Summer Fun Lists” I see around the internet and, conversely this article “Our Biggest Regrets from this Summer “ on Slate. I certainly did not do all the activities on my summer fun list, but I did a lot of them. As I watch the last rays of summer fade, I realized that while there are certainly things I did not get to, I don’t really regret not doing them. I think of my Summer List as a brain dump of all the possible fun things to do between mid-June and September, and I don’t have to do them all; I can chose things off the list that suit my mood and situation at any given time. There is no Bingo prize for checking all the boxes. Certainly there are things on the summer list that do require advance planning – travel, seeing friends, activities that require tickets – but many things do not. And being a planning resistant person, I find that it really helps me clarify my priorities to see what I’m willing to put in the effort to plan for or even do on a whim.

Take, for example, my monthly mom’s group happy hour. I’m the one who plans these for my mom’s group, and it usually goes on the calendar three weeks out. I very rarely plan things that far in advance. Of course there are things that go on the calendar that far out, but these are the immovable things that are set by others – swim meets, rehearsal and performance dates, summer camp, etc. My mom’s group happy hour is one of the rare things that I will actively make plans for – I send out a doodle poll for dates and venue suggestions, pick the date and venue, make reservations, tell my Husband so he can plan to be home with the kids that night. It seems like a lot of work, but I feel like mom’s group happy hour is a priority – I love seeing these moms and swapping stories about poop.

The things on my list that I decide to do last minute or the day before – it’s not really a question of priority – it’s just that I think the priority during the summer is to get out and enjoy the sunshine, so any one of a variety of activities will do. I feel so lucky that there are so many wonderful adventures to have near me that can be pulled off impulsively, so there will always be worthwhile and beautiful things to do. As Oliver Burkeman notes in 4000 Weeks – once one realizes the finite nature of life, one can let go of the infinite possibilities and focus on those things that one actually chooses to do.

Last year, we tried to complete the Maryland Ice Cream Trail, and were a little bummed not to get to all ten creameries on the list and vowed to complete it this year. But you know what? We only made it to two of the ten this year, and I’m fine with that. We still had tasty ice cream. Last year we went to three creameries in one day in our quest and that was arguably not a great move. A great memory, but still… regrettable in other ways.

Alright, now that I think of it, I do have one summer regret – I regret signing the ten year old up for County camp. She didn’t love it (apparently the kids were mean) and it was a bit of a schlep for me. Of course hindsight is 20/20 because she loved the camp last year – but this year, I guess it was a different group of kids. At any rate, now I know and I think next year, we will do fewer weeks of camp. Perhaps over winter break I will have her come up with a list of all the possible things she might be interested in doing and then.

I’m not saying there aren’t other things that I wish I had done more of or less of this summer, but I don’t think I had a summer to regret.

Having said all that, Here are some thoughts and aspirations for Fall, roughly (if not technically) between now and Thanksgiving.

Hallowe’en Costumes. I love making Hallowe’en costumes. Last year’s Millenium Falcon was certainly epic for me. This year, however, the two littles wanted to be something that was going to be far simpler to just buy. The ten year old, however, has a more creative idea in mind. I think she was a little disappointed that she couldn’t top her brother’s Millenium Falcon last year (but honestly, what could?). So this year she has an idea that will be a lot of fun and involves cardboard. Or maybe foam core. We’ll see.

Carve a Jack-o’-Lantern, or two or three. I love pumpkin carving. I’m actually working on Hallowe’en this year, so I’ll have to pre-game. Maybe I should also come up with an appropriate costume to wear backstge?

Another round of attic clean out. Finally work up the heart to get rid of the baby stuff.

Apple Picking. If not apple picking then at least apple sauce and apple pie.

Fall Camping. Given my lack of two day weekends this one is very very aspirational.

Hiking in fall colour. Hopefully once a month. By the looks of this fall foliage predicator, it seems like peak colour with happen in our area around the end of October. The Husband is taking the kids to New York to meet up with my parents that weekend, and since that is tech week, I won’t be going. However…. that means that I will have a day off my myself, so I think I will plan a hike on that free day. Or maybe even a bike ride. There are also lots of hikes and activities that our County Parks department sponsors. They always look really interesting and informative, so I want to see if any will fit in our schedule.

Celebrate the baby’s birthday. This is actually this weekend. I didn’t get it together to plan a party, but we have family in town and we will have cake and balloons (shhh… this last will be a surprise). And she got to pick her breakfast cereal at the grocery store this week, a tradition in our household. She picked Fruity Pebbles.

Go to the Theatre. This one is practically done. I have tickets for Hamilton this weekend, purchased four months ago. I never plan theatre (or anything, really) that far out in advance, but last spring I decided that I wanted to take the two older kids so I went ahead and bought the tickets. I did kick myself later because I didn’t double check my dates – it’s the baby’s birthday weekend plus the kids have Monday off school, so maybe we could have taken a bigger family adventure. Oh well.
Hamilton aside, there’s a lot of other really interesting theatre happening near us – this production of Beauty and the Beast looks to be unconventional and awesome.

Survive Tech Week. Keep practicing good habits and making sure I stay human and don’t become a theatre zombie during a tech process that I might be dreading a teeny tiny bit.

Fix the Storm Door. The glass on the storm door got broken by a child a few weeks ago. It’s a pretty old door so will need to be replaced, I think.

Make progress towards ordering window treatments for the living room. We’ve had a stop gap solution in place for a while since our curtain rod broke. It involves sheers and some too-small black panels. I would like to take a step or two towards having proper window treatments in place again.

Ziplining with the ten year old. I had planned on taking her this summer, but it was just too hot, so we put it off until Fall.

Cozy Kitchen Adventures. Who says Fall Adventures have to mean leaving the house? Fall is the start of “hunker and carbs” season. I do want to make something in my Bundt pan since my last attempt was such a wet goopy fail.

Watch some recent movies. Cooler weather means hunkering and watching movies is a good way to hunker. I’m not always able to stay awake for a full movie these days, but there are some that I really want to stay awake for. I am super excited by this adaptation of on of my favorite books as a child, Catherine Called Birdy. AND the ten year old has read this book, so we can watch it together. Also Fire Island has been on my Watchlist all summer. It’s a gay Asian re-telling of Pride and Prejudice, and all of that is just my catnip.

Happy Hour with my mom’s group. A lot of the parents in this group prefer outdoor meet ups so I definitely want to get a few more Happy Hours in before the weather gets too chilly.

Happy Hour with fellow Stage Managers. There has been a seismic shift in the stage management staff at work this past year and it’s made me realize that I really value the my co-workers as human beings, not just as people I work with. The thought of not seeing them at all this opera season makes me a little sad, so I would love to arrange something.

Free Days that are restorative and fulfilling. Given that I’m working every weekend between next week and the middle of November, I don’t know how many of the Fall weekend specific things I’ll manage to get to – things such as Fall Festivals and Special Fall Events. Since I generally only have one day off a week, I really want to guard that time and spend it on what matters. I’ve been thinking about this lately – how to spend my one precious free day. When I have chaotic and hectic free days, I don’t feel at all ready to go back to work. A good free day needs to be a good combination of life tasks and family tasks and personal tasks and leisure tasks and social time and rest. Which seems like a lot to ask of just one day. So maybe I need to pick three of those categories each free day, with rest always being one of the choices.

Bi -Weekly recap + what we ate – in rehearsal/tech/opening!

The view from my pew – the show takes place in a church.

There is a t-shirt floating around in theatre circles that says, “I can’t. I have rehearsal.”

I feel like that is where I’ve been the past two weeks.

We had three days of rehearsal in the rehearsal hall then five days onstage, three of those rehearsals with orchestra. Certainly it’s a truncated rehearsal period from what I was used to. Even still, it was nice to be back in rehearsal and getting a show up off the ground and making things happen for other people. It’s also my first time working in this venue with this group and everyone has been incredibly supportive and positive even though we are doing something fairly ambitious. I’ve been at my main stage management gig for fifteen years now (whoa! when did that happen?!?), and there is an easy familiarity with the crew that I regularly work with there – even so, I’m being reminded this past week that there are kind competent (beyond competent, really) people in many theatres all over and it’s good for me to work with and for new people. Getting to work for a stage manager that I’ve known for years certainly helps makes things easier.

Anyhow, the show opened last night. I think it’s a great show – the music is stunning and the cast, many from the musical theatre world, really sing their hearts out. There is a certain raw physicality that musical theatre performers have that opera singers don’t necessarily always display and I’ve had a lot of fun watching the show come together- it’s like they sing with their whole body, and they aren’t afraid of making the music sound ugly.

Some things on my mind lately:
-I’ve barely seen the kids lately – because of being at the theatre late, I tend to sleep in late, waking up just in time to pack lunches and maybe feed the little kids breakfast, though the Husband often does that. Big props to the Husband for holding down the fort and solo parenting in the evenings. Of course, it should mean that I cherish and savour the time I do have with my kids, but it’s kind of been… not relaxing. I’ve been turning over in my mind why I struggle with parenting and how I can feel more confident about how I help my kids launch into the world. I think a lot of it boils down to resetting the expectations I have and learning to see my kids as their own people. I’ve been listening to The Puberty Podcast, and this episode on helping kids thrive really helped frame some of my struggles.

– I’m giving myself gold stars for good tech week life habits. I squeezed in a run on my dinner break one day, even though it was raining. I packed lunch and dinner and lots of healthy-ish snacks. (Though I did buy a cookie the day of final dress because the work cafeteria has the best fluffiest chocolate chip cookies, as big as my face and I thought by then I deserved to indulge). I went to bed pretty much as soon as I came home.

– Having said that, I will say, I did stay up an extra half hour one night to scroll the news of the Queen’s death and all the pageantry and protocols that are involved in laying her to rest. The breadth and depth of her life amazes me. Also, on another level, I keep thinking about the amount of work and planning that must be involved in a royal funeral and a coronation and everything. And there hasn’t been a change in British monarch in seventy years so there is no one around who can say, “Well the last time, we did this, this, and this.” I’m sure all the protocol and procedures are written down somewhere, but as someone who puts on shows for a living, I bet there will be things that come up where they say, “Wait… how did they do it last time? Why didn’t they write that down?” The logistics of how to figure out what to do fascinates me as much as the actual logistics of the proceedings.

-I do not give myself a gold star on life admin during tech week, though. The life to do list is a little lengthy right now and it’s causing a little bit of stress for me. The Husband and I had lunch yesterday and I didn’t have the brain to think about the litany of house/life maintenance that we need to get done this fall.

-The kids take any opportunity when they see my phone lying around to take pictures. Some days I open up Photos to find fifty nine pictures of the baby’s foot. But sometimes, mostly orchestrated by the oldest child, something like this appears in my photo roll, and it makes me smile.

– These lines from one of the arias in my show:

When the thunder rumbles
now the age of Gold is dead.
And the dreams we’ve clung to,
dying to stay young
have left us parched and old instead.
When my courage crumbles,
When i feel confused and frail.
When my spirit falters,
on decaying alters.
And my illusions fail.

I go on right then.
I go on again.
I go on to say I will
celebrate another day.
I go on.

I’ve been so intrigued by the last five lines – is the idea that there will always be another day, and we should celebrate that day? That is to say, just having another day is cause for celebration? Or is the idea that even if today is hard and we don’t feel like celebrating, there will be days in the future where we will want to celebrate the things that we hold dear, so we should push forward? I love both sentiments.

These are the deep thoughts that I contemplate during rehearsal sometimes…

It’s a beautiful piece. You can hear this aria sung in a piano arrangement here.

Things I am grateful for:
– The stranger behind me at a stoplight who got out of his car to flag me down and tell me my gas cap had rolled off my roof five blocks back. I thought I was trying to be efficient by cleaning the garbage out of the car while I pumped gas, but it got me off my rhythm of pump gas, replace gas cap, get receipt.
-The Husband for getting the kids fed and to bed every night by himself. He even took the ten year old to basketball practice and the five year old to skating lessons, hauling all the kids around.
-The kids for (mostly) getting themselves ready in the morning, so I can sleep til 7am most mornings.
– Supportive colleagues and kind people to work with.
-The cooler weather. Fall is here in the mornings, though summer still lingers in the afternoons.
-The Husband for getting my bike tuned up. I went for a little bike ride this morning as I had neither work nor children to stop me. It was hard, but felt like a perfect fall activity.

What we ate – I did manage to prep dinner for most of the first week of rehearsal, even though I was working and didn’t make it home in time to eat with everyone. Most nights I had leftovers from the previous evening for dinner myself. The second week of rehearsal, the Husband planned and cooked dinner all on his own. I might have pressed tofu one night, but he handled everything else. I have no idea what they ate, so only the menu from the first week below.

Saturday: Pizza and Movie Night. We watched Secondhand Lions, a movie from 2003 that was really charming and delightful. The film, about a boy who is left with his eccentric uncles (played by Robert Duvall and Michael Caine) was the embodiment of “family movie”… I think the word “wholesome” feels out of style right now, but that would describe this movie. I don’t think they make family films like this these days; everything is superheroes and explosions.

Sunday: This was the day we went to the Renaissance Festival. We got home around 7pm so all I could muster was snack dinner, which the kids actually loved and have asked if we can do it again. I just assembled a bunch of stuff, made sure I had all the food groups, tossed it on a plate and put it in front of the kids.

Monday: Labor Day – It was proposed that we ought to grill. So, I decided to grill some meatballs from the Milk Street Tuesday Night Mediterranean. The recipe called for broiled, but I thought they worked well on the grill. I guess grilling a meatball is not much different form grilling a burger – ground meat on fire. Also grilled eggplant and Zucchini

Tuesday: This favorite vegan Gnocchi soup – at the request of the five year old. I made most of it ahead of time, so that all the Husband had to do when he came home was to bring the pot to a boil and add the kale and gnocchi. Apparently the baby even ate the kale bits. Surprising because she is in a “I don’t like vegetables” phase. (Which isn’t entirely true, but veggies are pretty hit or miss with her).

Wednesday: The Husband made stir-fry and rice.

Thursday: Instant Pot pinto beans, made before I went to work. Eaten with corn tortillas and a simple cabbage slaw.

The picture and directions I sent to the Husband for Thursday night’s dinner.

Friday: The Husband took to the kids to the golf course for the outdoor concert, and they ate sandwiches.

Shavasana with a baby

One of the things I’ve been trying to get back into is a short morning yoga routine. Even though YouTube abounds with yoga practices, I find I can focus better without the visual element so I usually use yoga podcasts to guide me. I know I could always just turn the volume off of a YouTube video, but I find that the people who lead the practice are less descriptive when there is a visual component. My current ideal yoga routine length is about twenty to twenty five minutes. I can do a longer practice in a class, but for some reason when on my own, I can’t focus as long. (I know the point of yoga is focus, so this is a little ironic).

The kids are now of an age that they can fend for themselves for twenty minutes in the morning while I slip away to the basement and roll out my yoga mat and put my earphones in. I’m not quite sure what they do for those twenty minutes, but I don’t think they are getting into the knives or burning the house down, so I figure they’ll be fine. Sometimes they are getting into my chocolate stash, though, which is almost as dire. On a good day, they are getting dressed.

The other day, as I was doing my yoga, the baby came down. She thinks it’s great fun to crawl all over me while I’m doing yoga. Something about the various poses screams “HUMAN JUNGLE GYM!!! OPEN FOR CLIMBING!!!”. She’ll sit on me while I do bridge pose, and giggle as she goes up and down with my pelvis. Warrior two finds her climbing up on my bent leg to hang on to my arms. Downward dog makes a tunnel for her to crawl under. It does make it a little difficult to move into chaturanga or plank pose to have her lying under me. Sometimes we play “squish” the baby when that happens.

In a way, it reminds me of when the kids were just born and I took a post-natal yoga class at my local hospital. They were held on weekday mornings and the new moms would always come in gingerly with their little squishy babies. The instructor was so amazing and she taught us to be as gentle with ourselves as we were with our little babies. Some classes, I spent the entire 45 minutes nursing, though I did manage to figure out how to nurse a baby while in bridge pose…. I’m listing this as one of my hidden talents.

At a birthday party recently, I talked to someone recently whose son was in the same pre-school class as my five year old. Turns out we had been in the same post natal yoga class with these boys who are now about to start Kindergarten. She commented on how she felt like she spent the whole class nursing and was always a little frustrated by that. “I finally got out of the house to do something,” she said, “And I still ended up attached to the baby. I felt so frustrated because I just wanted to spend some time doing something. It was supposed to be me time!”

I feel that resentment sometimes when the baby interrupts my yoga. This is me time, not mommy baby time. Yet the other day, when she came down and proceeded to insert herself into my routine, I tamped down my annoyance and tried to lean into it. I tried to savour her playfulness and her big smiles as she looked at me from below as I attempted some kind of Warrior. I took on her weight when she jumped on me as I was doing a seated forward fold. And I gave her kisses as I went from cow to cat and back again.

And then I settled into shavasana – aka corpse pose, aka the pose at the end of the practice where you just lie on your back and let go. The moment I was supine, the baby crawled on top of me and put her head on my chest. Well, actually at first she dug her pointy little chin on my chest, which was not relaxing. So I said, “Can you put your cheek on my chest?” and she turned her head to one side and laid her pillowy round cheek over my heart. And as the voice in my ear told me to relax and breathe and empty my mind, I thought, “With a thirty pound toddler on me? You’re kidding right?”

Then something happened as I tried to obey the voice in my ear that told me to breath and let go. I took deep breaths, and the baby breathed with me. And as we lay there, breathing together, I realized, “Okay, this is ‘me time’ too.” And all my resentment went away. Because I realized, right now, in this season of life, these kids are a part of me. I don’t mean that in the scary self-erasing, symbiotic almost parasitic sense that I sometimes feel when my kids are draining the energy from me. Nor was it one of those sentiments where I’m sacrificing myself and my tranquility on the altar of motherhood for these little terrors, you know, all the toxicity of the tired mom trope.

It was just this realization that our lives have been so intertwined and close, particularly these past two years, and that yeah, I do identify a lot as a mom these days, and it’s absolutely okay to allow myself to feel so defined by that. If a lot of the stress and anger and despair I feel within me some days come from parenting, then certainly a lot of the joy and wonder and peace does to. Like this moment, trying to squeeze in some yoga with a toddler interjecting at every turn. Come the following week, the kids will all be in school, and me time may look very different. For now, though, me time can be mom time, savoring the sweet weight of a little person doing Shavasana with me.

Weekly recap + what we ate: the last week of summer!

The baby started daycare this week, and the two big kids start school on Monday. Three kids all starting new schools! And each kid will be at a different school. So three drop offs. Well, actually two drop offs because the ten year old’s bus picks up down the street.

I was feeling all the feelings when I dropped the baby at her first day of school. She has been home so long and I am going to miss having my little buddy with me. I was worried drop off would be hard, but she waltzed right in with nary a backward glance that first day. My friend said that this was probably a sign that she was ready to be with other kids. I think she was also a little lured by having a second breakfast. The next two days, though, there was more resistance, including one morning where the teacher pried a crying child out of my arms. But the last day of the week she was fine and walked right in. She was really excited because they had had water play the day before and wanted to do it again. Shhhh – don’t tell her that was the last water play day this summer.

We decided to have the five year old enroll in the French Immersion program – a decision influenced slightly by our trip to Montreal. To be honest, I’m still not convinced it’s the right choice, but we’re going to take it one year at a time. The ten year old is starting a new school – switching school for fifth grade is probably not the easiest thing, but I think we agreed that we gave the Mandarin immersion school a good try and it just wasn’t the best fit for us now and into the future. With so many options for school these days, I feel a lot of pressure to make the “right” choice for my kids. And that “right” choice not just for the person they are today, but for the person they will grow into and the world they will live in. And perhaps I’m overthinking this – after all, it is just elementary school.

This last week of summer, we were home. I wanted to take things easy for the kids and also I had several work and union calls sprinkled throughout the day. But the week turned out to be kind of the perfect “last week before school”.

We went school supply shopping! I tied very hard not to fill the shopping basket with things for myself. I did buy one pack of post-its in my favorite, but hard to find colour combination.

We had playdates. We finally met the neighbors across the street this summer – don’t know why it took four years. They actually are members at our pool, and one days at a swim meet, the ten year old said to me, “Those are the girls who live across the street.” And I went over and made friends. I feel like sometimes we get so caught up in living our lives – especially with COVID, that we forget to extend our social bonds. Anyhow, one afternoon this week, I sent the ten year old over to their house to play. And a few hours later they came over to our house to play. And they actually played – screen-free and with low/no parental intervention. It was amazing.

We went to a waterpark with friends. There is a small waterpark near us, but it is only open to County residents during weekdays. Weekend and holidays it is only open to residents of the city it’s in. So one day my friend took the day off work and we packed lunches in coolers, ad we took our kids. After we got used to the many rules, we all ended up having a great time. The ten year old convinced me to go on the really tall slides, and I’m so glad I did. There was one that was super fast and thrilling and one that was slower, where you could see the end coming with time to take a breath and close your eyes. I thought both were really fun, but I actually preferred the slower one – there was something so soothing about meandering down the twists and turns while gazing at the blue sky and clouds.

We went to the pool!

We went to the library and borrowed a bunch of books, including a whole slew of Vox books for the kids. Much as I like reading to them, sometimes it’s great that they can sit with a Vox book and be engrossed so I can get other things done. Definitely one of my favorite things lately for a screen free way to keep the little kids busy.

We had Open Houses for the schools. Both big kids had open houses on the same day, but at different schools. Thankfully the times were slightly staggered. Even still, I didn’t quite time things right and I think we ended up showing up to the last fifteen minutes of each open house. Note for next time: show up earlier if you want PTA ice cream. Even still we got to see the schools and talk to their teachers. Afterwards I took the kids for ice cream at one of my favorite ice cream places, Tropics Ice Cream and Jerk. They have lots of fruit flavors, which is what I like. I got my favorite passion fruit and lychee combination. I also found out that they sell Jamaican patties frozen by the case. Which was very exciting for me – their patties are really tasty and make a perfect lunch option. I think I might think about picking up a case or two in the future for some easy lunches.

Seeing friends – My mom’s group gathered for happy hour one night. Last night we went to hear music at the Golf Course with friends. The band was really fun and our kids went running off in all directions. The five year old found friends from his school and took off with them, kind of a first because he’s always been kind of clingy. We live in a pretty big metropolitan area so I don’t take for granted when we are somewhere and we run into people we know. The golf course concerts are perfect because it’s semi enclosed and very safe and we know our kid will find their way back to where we set up our picnic blankets and lawn chairs. Watching the kids run and dance and laugh and play made me feel like that was summer right here.

Eating summer produce. We don’t always get to the Farmer’s Market – and to be honest the produce is on the pricy side so it’s cheaper to drive twenty minutes to a farm stand – but one of my favorite vendors was having a peach sale, so I put in an order for a 1/2 bushel of peaches and a 1/2 bushel of peach seconds. It always seems like a lot of peaches when I bring them home, but I’ll can some peaches next week, and we’ve already eaten the seconds. We also picked up tomatoes and cucumbers and lots of other vegetables. For lunch that day, I had tomatoes, cucumbers and feta cheese. It was really tasty.

I did not get as much cleaning/purging done as I wanted. But I have big plans to tackle some of that this weekend. Also I really need to tackle my email box for the account I use to make purchases since I’m running out of storage, though that might not be a this weekend thing. Weekend plans/ aspirations:

go through pantry and organize. I want the big kids to pack their own lunches so I need to clear space in the pantry for them to have bins for lunch foods.
tidy toy room and guest room in anticipation of cleaners coming on Monday. The guest room has become a unintended office for me and the paper situation is a little out of control.
organize school supplies and backpacks.
Five year old has a birthday party invite that I’ll take him and the baby to. The Husband and the ten year old got invited to a football game.
Meal plan. We are toying with the idea of doing vegan week nights, so I need to dig a little to figure that out.
hopefully raft night at the pool for a lazy Sunday night before school starts.

Two more things this week:

How is “flowy” not a word!?!?!?! Have they never heard of a flowy skirt? Or flowy hair? Then the next word I tried was “Crony” and that was accepted. And now I have some irate internal monologue about patriarchy and the male-centeredness of Wordle.

And I’ll leave you with this – one day on the way home from school, the five year old suddenly flopped down in the grass next to the sidewalk with a big sigh. “I love shade!” he said with a smile on his face. And he’s right. Is there anything as delicious as a cool spot on the grass underneath a shady tree on a summer’s day? (okay, part of my brain screamed “TICKS!!!!” but I’m telling that part of my brain to shut up and just check for ticks when we get home.)

What We Ate:

Saturday: Home from Montreal. I think the grown ups decided we weren’t hungry because we were unpacking. The baby somehow managed to find a bag of wine gums and ate those. Right before bedtime, she says to me, “But we haven’t had dinner!”
And I say, half-jokingly, “But you ate all that candy!”
And she says, with a little giggle, “Oh, yeah. I forgot.” As if wine gums were a perfectly acceptable dinner.

Sunday: can’t remember. I think it was low effort frozen tortellini and jarred red sauce.

Monday: I went out for happy hour with my mom’s group. The Husband made breakfast sandwiches for the kids.

Tuesday: Chicken Tinga Tacos. Made simple cabbage slaw and pickled onions to eat with. The Husband has requested Taco Tuesday.

Wednesday: Ratatouille sheet pan gnocchi, based somewhat on this recipe. Baked gnocchi is a wonder! I used canned tomatoes instead of fresh, and I think it gave the dish a more saucy taste. Will make again.

Thursday: I was full from Happy Hour and then I went to the Kindergarten Back to School Night. The Husband, home with the kids, I think he fed them chicken salad and PB& J for dinner.

Friday: Sandwiches from our favorite deli, eaten at an outdoor concert. Along with ketchup chips. I brought back several bags of ketchup chips from Canada and I’m almost afraid to break into them because who know when I will get more. But I guess no one is enjoying them when they sit uneaten in the pantry…

Home and everyday adventures.

We’ve just come home from our summer road trip to Montreal. It was a wonderful time, and now I’m plunged into a week of unpacking/ school prep/ union negotiations/ baby’s first day (ever!) of daycare. I have trip recaps coming from our road trip…and I have to finish the Shenandoah recaps too. Whew. It feels like there was a lot of travel there, but I think we’ve just packed two trips into the end of the summer because the 10 year old’s swim team schedule took up much of June and July.

The weeks before we went to Montreal felt really packed. I had the two little kids with me for one week and then all three with me the next week. I had all sorts of fun plans for the week with the three kids, but then I got sick. Not COVID sick, thankfully, but aches, pains, sore throat, persistent cough, and low energy. And then at the end of the week, I got pink eye. I felt so sad to have to cancel the fun family plans that we had, but I think the kids were just as happy to hunker on the couch with me and binge watch Ugly Betty. (A show that I never watched when it was on air, because I didn’t have a tv then, but is really delightful.) Also, I discovered that HBO co-produced a Chinese version of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries called Miss S. It is set in 1930s Shanghai, so I also watched that to brush up on my Chinese and scratch the Miss Fisher itch. Miss S, was better at the brushing up than at the scratching of the itch. I think there are some cultural differences that make the Chinese version feel a little more superficial and melodramatic than the original. The costumes and the people, however, are just as gorgeous.

At any rate, before I got sick, we still managed to squeeze in some fun adventures with the kids. I knew we were going on a big trip, so I didn’t feel like I had to get too ambitious, and at the same time, I knew that getting the kids out of the house was going to be important to everyone’s well being. It turns out there are so many little adventures to have near home that require very little prep. Either they fit in a morning and we can be home for a late lunch, or I throw together a simple lunch (PB&J sandwiches, cucumbers, fruit, and some trail mix or cookies) and take it with.

Patapscoe State Park and A Day playing in the River then stop at Spicknall’s Farm Stand – I think this is one of my favorite day trips during the weekday. The river is always shady and quiet, there aren’t a lot of people. There is a fun bridge to cross over to get to the river, and the river is nice and shallow and cool. We were dog sitting the day we went, and I think we all had a very relaxing day. We spent a few hours at the river and then stopped at the playground at the park before heading home. On the way home we picked up some produce from Spicknall’s farm stand – peaches, melons, squash, eggplant, corn, and tomatoes. I’m always so surprised by how inexpensive the summer produce is when you get out of the city/suburbs.

Library for morning story time then books and a park – There is a children’s library near us that has the best story times. The librarian always does some songs and fingerplay activities as well as reads the funniest books in the funniest voices. This library is just for children so inside is all picture books and toys. It makes for an easy outing – 9:30am story time, then inside the library for an hour or so, then we walk to the park ten minutes away to play for a while. Typically there is little bakery nearby that we will walk to to get a treat, but it was closed the day we were at the library. So the kids immediately decided that we would just have to come back for storytime/library/park again. The baby has taken to saying, “I want to go back there tomorrow!” anytime we do something she likes and then have to leave.

Glen Echo Park for Carousel Rides and the Aquarium – We got wristbands to ride the carousel all day, but turns out the five year old was not as enamored of carousels as the baby. The baby would probably be happy to ride it all day. The five year old could only be convinced to ride three times. We also got tickets to to go to the aquarium. It’s a small affair – just one room of tanks, mostly focusing on the sea life of the Chesapeake Bay. Even still, we spent about an hour there. There was also a touch tank with horseshoe crabs and other creatures. And then outside the aquarium, a big sand pit to play in. We only did a half day at Glen Echo, but next time, I might also get tickets for the puppet show and stay longer.

The National Building Museum – With so many free museums in DC, it is easy for this one to fall off my radar because it does charge admission, but it is worth it. It is actually a really great museum for kids, though, and there are some really neat exhibits about architecture and building. Every summer they do a huge installation exhibit in their great hall – one year they converted the space into a huge lawn with fake grass and hammocks, one year it was a beach. This year, in a joint venture with a theatre company, they installed a theatre – Playhouse, they call it. During the evening the theatre company has been performing A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I thought it would be fun to go see the space and this theatre. We missed the tour so couldn’t go backstage, but we could look at the space from the audience and from above. The Building Museum also has a great Play/Work/Build room where kids can build with big and little foam blocks. There was also an interactive/ Virtual reality Notre Dame exhibit where you got a tablet and walked into a room with pictures of Notre Dame, and you could point the tablet at the QR code on the pictures and get at 360 degree view of what it was like when Notre Dame was being built. Pretty cool, and very high tech. There were a couple other exhibits that we didn’t get to see, so I do want to go back. We took the metro down, which always makes things seem like an even bigger adventure.

Two Dollar Tuesdays at the Regal Movie Theatre – This was one of the outings I took the kids on when I was still feeling run down, but not so run down that I wanted to stay home since we had been home for two days straight already. Regal Theatres does $2 Tuesday matinees during the summer of older movies, so I took the kids to see the third How to Train Your Dragon movie. (It was either that or Trolls.) After parking, popcorn, and soda it really wasn’t as frugal an adventure as I had thought it would be, to be honest. Yet, the movie was pretty good, and it was the baby’s first time at a movie theatre. The theatre was a little more crowded than I had thought – when I reserved my tickets the theatre only had a handful of seats occupied, but when we got there there were several summer camp groups. Oh well… I feel like it still felt like a classic summer adventure – popcorn and Sprite and a movie in an chilly air conditioned theatre on a hot hot day. I had a good time.

Next time, I’m only getting one popcorn for them all to share!

And of course – parks, playgrounds, and playdates.

Some other thoughts that came into my life in that past little while:

-I love Carolyn Hax’s advice column, and there were two things she wrote recently that really struck me – so much so that I screen shot them and saved them to my phone:

I think I’ve been struggling lately with expectations – of myself, of my kids, of my husband, of my work. Hax also had one column where she said that “All anger and resentment lie in the gap between expectation and reality.” It may sound defeatist to stop expecting change, yet I think there is a fine line between giving up your expectation that someone/something will change and being realistic about the future and acting accordingly. There are so many things, I think “Oh if only it were this way or that way, it would be better!” And perhaps I need to shift to accepting these things and seeing them for what they are and work with that.

– Perhaps in that same vein of expectations and adjusting, this quote via swissmiss, is so very true, I think:

-I thought this Wordle especially ironic as I solved it at the park while getting eaten alive by mosquitoes:

On that note – I’ve been shifting my Wordle strategy lately. When I started, I would try to build off the previous word I played and try to solve in as few steps as possible, but lately I’ve been trying to fully suss out all the letters before guessing the word – so I try to play as many letters as possible in the first three lines. Sometimes this method is more efficient, but it always pains me a little to play a word that I know will be wrong in the hopes of discovering more letters. There’s something a little poignantly sacrificial about that tactic. Well… any other Wordle tactics I should try?

-One day, when I was sick and hunkering on the couch in the basement, the Husband brought home take out for dinner. In anticipation of his arrival, I sent the kids upstairs to set the table. They were soon back, claiming to have accomplished the task. Skeptical, I sent the five year old up with my phone. “Take a picture for me!” I said. And he did:

I don’t know why this picture delights me so much, but it does.

-The picture at the top of this post is just a picture of the sky. It’s been such a beautiful shade of blue these first few weeks of August. It’s not quite captured in the picture, but I wanted to remember that such a blue exists.

What We Ate, the pre-vacation, minimal shopping version:

Monday: Happy Hour with my mom’s group so I had nachos at the local brewery.

Tuesday: Tomato and Corn Tart and Salad. The tart is loosely based on this recipe. I had picked up tomatoes and corn from the market and wanted to make the full recipe, but the way the day went, I didn’t have time to make the cornmeal crust, so I used puff pastry. I’ve decided frozen puff pastry is a freezer staple that allows me to instantly pull off a fancy-ish dinner. Throw some sauteed veggies in a pastry crust with some cheese and egg. Bake. An easy elegant dinner in less than 45 mins.

Wednesday: eggplant snow peas stir fry – kitchen sink kind of dinner to use up some veggies in the fridge.

Thursday: Grilled sausage, corn and hotdogs with bagged Caesar Salad and cut up melon. We had a friend over for dinner and grilling is always the perfect easy meal for impromptu casual dinner with friends.

Friday: Pizza and Thor

Saturday: Farro and Snap Pea Salad from Dinner Illustrated. I was trying to use up some veggies and happened to have everything to make this salad.

Sunday: Dumplings and green beans. One of our go-to simple weekend dinners.

Monday: Spaghetti and Meatballs. A request from the kids. I used the InstantPot meatball recipe from Bare Minimum Dinners – so easy.

Tuesday: Take out Burgers and fries.

Wednesday: Chilaquiles, sort of. Another kitchen sink meal (can you tell I was trying to eat down the fridge before we left on vacation?). I wanted to do something to use up the package of corn tortillas in the fridge and the Husband had grown some corn in the garden that he wanted us to eat. There was a recipe from Bare Minimum Dinners for chilaquiles which was pretty much just salsa and tortilla chips and eggs. So I fried up all the corn tortillas – they turned out really really tasty and we almost ate them all on their own. Then I looked in the fridge and turns out we were out of salsa, so I dumped canned tomatoes, onion, and peppers in a skillet, added a can of black beans and the corn and cracked some eggs into the whole concoction to poach. It was kind of a combination of chilaquiles and shakshuka.

Thursday: Tortellini and red sauce and Alfredo sauce. I was trying to use up some cream, hence the Alfredo sauce. But then I realized I could actually just freeze the cream and use it when I got back. The Alfredo sauce was pretty tasty, though.

Weekly recap + what we ate: Summer week at home

It’s been a nice chill, but full weekend at home. Saturday it rained all day – we had had a pool party birthday party scheduled but that got moved to Sunday because of the rain. I ended up signing up the ten year old for a basketball clinic at the rec center called “Hoops and Scoops” which involved basketball drills and ice cream. It was run by the local police department and Dick’s Sporting Goods donated basketballs. While the Husband took the ten year old to the clinic, I took the five year old to buy new shoes. Then we went back to the rec center to watched the ten year old play and also browse some books at the Library and Used Bookstore attached to the rec center.

Today there were two birthday parties, one of which was at a pool. The five year old was really excited to check out this pool because it has more features than our pool. In fact, we used to take swim lessons at the pool before the pandemic since it was walking distance from our first house. After a pool filled afternoon, I came home to find the Husband has set up the kiddie pool and the toddler was playing in it – we had a relaxing hour of sitting on the back patio watching the kids splash while reading books and eating pretzels. While I love the riches of activities that summer brings, I also love moments of sitting in the sunshine with a book. (I’m currently reading Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell, and it’s is so devastatingly good. I’m not one to cry over a book but this one has me pretty close to tears.)

The other “must do” item on my weekend to do list was to have the kids clean out the car. We are three weeks into summer vacation, and between camp and swim lessons at one pool and swim team at another and playdates for the toddler, I feel like we are even more busy than during the school year. There has been a lot of time spent shuttling kids around in the car, and the expected detritus accumulating – socks and random articles of clothing from kids changing in moving vehicles so as not to be late for swim practice, wrappers from all the snacks because dinner won’t be for a while, random art projects and books and stuffed animals and the “just in case” rain coats, reusable grocery bags, all the nature things that the toddler insists on bringing home, masks… so many masks, receipts. The mess and clutter was getting to me, so inspired by Kae’s blog post on kids’ chores, I decided that since the kids helped me make the mess, they should help clean out the car. It took probably longer than it should have but really only took about an hour and a half, so it’s nice to have that barometer for myself the next time I feel overwhelmed by the idea of cleaning out the car. And even though we didn’t vacuum the car because the rain made running electricity a bad idea, I did have the kids wipe things down with baby wipes and do the crevices with a q-tip soaked in Dawn and vinegar. I have to say, it’s made getting in the car so much less stressful. I’m sure hedonistic adaptation will mean that the calm that my clean car induces will eventually become a baseline rather than a high, but I’m lgoing to try to remember to lean into it for now.

I think he liked sitting in the front seat!

Other things this week:

– Wednesday’s swim meet got rained out spectacularly. How ironic that at 5:30pm we were commenting about the heat and humidity and by 7:00pm, we were drenched and chilled by a dry cool air. They initially did not call off the meet because it was not thundering, but when it was raining so hard we couldn’t see the bottom of the pool, they held for a little while and a few minutes later we were back at it. The second time the heavens opened up, around 8:30p, though, it was decided that we were done for the evening even though there were three events still to race. Watching the clouds start to gather on the horizon, and seeing the rain streaming from those clouds a couple miles away was mesmerizing to me. The ten year old swam two of her three events, and managed to drop a bunch of time on her freestyle, so I was super happy for her about that. She placed second in that race, which was the highest she’s ever placed.

– This article in the New York Times about how some theatres are making systematic and fundamental changes in order to pay their staff a living wage. It hit particularly close this week as we are in the midst of union negotiations, of which I can’t say anything, even though it has been taking up a big chunk of my time and attention these days. Suffice to say, I love my job and I also understand the staggering attrition rate in my field of late. Also – I’m not on the substack bandwagon but I highly recommend this one for anyone interested in the inner workings of theatre – it’s brilliant combination of gossipy and insightful.

– Saturday, the rain let up enough for me to run – which I haven’t done since I was working and my parents were watching the baby. I only managed to run a half mile and walked the other mile, but it’s something and it felt really good to do it. In the evening, we went for a family evening walk and saw some lovely things:

The picture on the right is a kind of wood ear fungus. I normally get a little squeamish around fungus (more so in the wake of reading Mexican Gothic.), but this fungus practically looked like a flower.

– One day this week, I ran errands around town with the toddler and we missed lunch and it was hot, so I (of course) decided to treat myself to a boba tea. I discovered a new to me boba place that also served onigiri, the Japanese rice balls that are filled with a savory (or sweet, but I prefer savory) filling and wrapped in nori. I was really delighted to see they had onigiri because you don’t see it a lot and my attempts to make it have always failed. It was the perfect pit stop for a mid afternoon re-fuel.

– My other food related discovery this week, came via the tv show Younger, which I binged one night when the toddler would not go to bed except then proceeded to climb on my lap as I sat on the couch and she fell asleep. Younger is one of those shows I watch without the Husband – I love the soapy fluffiness about it and the very earnest people – there are no real villains here. Anyhow in one episode a character is asked the secret to her grilled cheese and she says that she uses mayonnaise instead of butter (which I think is a pretty common adaptation), but then… and here’s the best part… she sprinkles a layer of cheese on top of the mayo so that when the sandwich is put on the griddle, the cheese melts and cooks and creates a crispy cheesy crust on the sandwich. OMG. My mind was blown by the simple brilliance of how to improve a simple grilled cheese sandwich and I had to try it. It is pretty tasty. And really nice to look at too:

toddler lunch. Though I may have eaten some of that sandwich.

– A tool I’ve been constantly using lately – Photo editor:

With the kids in separate camps and swimming at separate times, I often don’t get a chance to talk daily after school logistics with the Husband. So I’ve taken to sending him a photo of important information sometimes. Like this week, I had made a smoothie for the 5 year old to have before swim and it was easier just to snap the picture and use the “Edit” feature to notate the picture so the Husband knows 1) where the swim bag is, and 2) where the 5 year old’s snack is. I’ve also taken pictures of marinating meat in the fridge so that know where to find it when he gets home. Picture worth a thousand words, indeed.

What we Ate:

Saturday: Pasta with red sauce and meatballs.

Sunday: can’t remember? Probably leftovers.

Monday: Fourth of July – grilled: Soy Ginger Salmon, Sausage, Corn, Shrimp, and Eggplant on the grill (to go into this salad), Watermelon and popsicles for dessert

Tuesday: Lemongrass Ginger Tofu and Sesame Edamame Udon noodles. The Husband bought me the latest Bad Manners Cookbook and everything I’ve made out of this vegan cookbook has been pretty good. Except the Zucchini Bundt Cake, but that was because I used waaaay too much squash and it ended up being too moist to bake even though it was in the oven for ninety minutes.

Wednesday: Swim meet – Leftover sausages from Monday.

Thursday: Korean Tacos from Dinner Illustrated. The ten year old calls this Buffalo Tacos because it is made with spicy gochujang.

Friday: Pizza (the Husband made) and Snoopy.

Saturday: Meatball Tortellini Soup made in the InstantPot since the meatballs were still frozen. I kind of just made this up, but it turned out really well – Sautéed diced onions and garlic in the Instant Pot, dump in frozen meatballs and brown them slightly, add the leftovers of a carton of chicken broth, a frozen cube of pesto, a can of low salt diced tomatoes, and then enough water to cover. Pressure cook on high for 7 minutes (actually was longer than that because I forgot to put the silicone ring in…. wump wump.) When finished cooking, quick release pressure, stir in frozen tortellini and pressure cook for 2 minutes on high.

Sunday: Leftovers for dinner. There was an article in the Washington Post recently about Fending for Dinner, and the New Yorker article that inspired the Post, which I thought delightful. I often fend for lunch and we usually do it once a week for dinner, this opening of the fridge and making a meal of the contents. We also call it “cleaning out the fridge dinner.” The New Yorker column had some great names for this kind of meal, one of my favorite being the Quebecoise term touski as in “tout ce qui reste” – all the is left.

Weekly (bi-monthly?) recap: Summer so far

Well, we are coming off another long weekend and a positive COVID test for the Husband. Luckily, he isolated in the bedroom and the rest of the family managed to stay negative. I think the strategy was for the Husband to isolate in the bedroom, and for the rest of us to spend as little time at home as possible. The two older kids were in camp and pre-school, and the baby and I found lots of adventures to keep us out and about.

I have to admit, that I don’t mind solo parenting. There is something really freeing about realizing that there are no excuses for not prioritizing the well-being of the people in the family. I could let the house get messy and leave the dishes to be piled in the sink until after the kids went to bed and it was totally a fine to say time with the kids was more important that the dishes. To be sure, kids should probably trump dishes any day, but I think when I know the kids will get attention from another parent, it makes it easier to find the time to do the dishes and pick up the living room and fold the laundry. I will say, lest you think the Husband was a total invalid slug – he actually felt fine a few days after his positive test, and when the kids and I weren’t home, he would emerge to do things like go mow the lawn or pick up the mess I left in the kitchen. But even still, the house was a bit of a sty and I was soooo very tired from having to do housework after the kids went to bed. On the plus side, I finished season three of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. Or maybe that is a minus because that was the last season made and I have developed such a crush on Detective Inspector Jack Robinson and, truth be told, on Phyrne Fisher herself. That series was such a perfect slow burn romance. Okay, so another plus of solo parenting is that I get to watch whatever I want.

We did use up a lot of rapid COVID tests during the week. I remember when the county and the federal government first started handing out tests for free, we somehow ended up with ten test kits in our bathroom cabinet. “We’ll never get through this all!” I thought. Hah. Last week I actually had a slight panic that I would run out. I guess a family of five goes through test kits pretty quickly Luckily the county is still handing out test kits and the federal government has made more kits available – these latter arrived in the mail two or three days after I ordered them. Speedy!

At any rate, this fourth of July weekend has been low key. We cleaned out some of the attic, visited the Smithsonian (more on that below) and there was a birthday part and raft night at the pool, when people can bring their inflatables Then on July 4th itself, my friend Kristen came over and we went to the pool and then came home to grill (salmon, shrimp, mushrooms, sausages, corn, and an eggplant salad that I thought was really good). We capped off the evening by looking through old photo albums from college – Kristen and I had been roommates for all four years of college. The ten year old seemed to really get a kick out of this. She looked at pictures of me glowing with youth and said, “Now I understand why dad married you.” Thanks? I think?

It’s been a while since I wrote of our adventures -something about being exhausted from solo parenting and all the weighty world and national events this last half of June has made it difficult to prioritize writing. But at any rate – highlights of Summer so far:

-I did make it to a beach with the two little kids, packing a lunch and snacks and taking them to Calvert Cliffs State Park. It was an easy 1.8 mile hike from the parking lot to the beach, but that did not mean the hike was easy, just the terrain. With the two littles, it took us about 2 hours and lots of M&M breaks to go that 1.8 miles. At the end of the trail, we were rewarded with a sunny sandy shore and temperatures that made it a little too chilly to brave the waters, but perfect for soaking up sunshine, hunting for shark’s teeth and building sand castles. I was particularly excited to use the beach tent that I had bought last year, but which I had never gotten a chance to use yet. We stayed almost all day, and even though I was certain the littles would be tired after the hike back to the parking lot, they played for an hour on the recycled tire playground next to the parking lot. Which was fine by me – I lazed in a recycled tire hammock and read my book as the sun started to set.

-Riding the carousel. The ten year old’s theatre camp is in what was once an amusement park, but is now a park used for various arts and cultural programs. In fact, it’s at the park’s ballroom where the Husband and I met, one summer evening at a contradance. In the park, there is a carousel, originally installed in 1921. It’s $2 to ride and $5 for a day pass. One morning, after dropping the ten year old at camp, I bought the baby and I day passes and we spent several hours riding the carousel, taking pauses to go play at the playground next to it. I think we rode the carousel six times that morning. It was a great morning – the carousel music is courtesy of a Wurlitzer band organ, and hearing the familiar old tunes is one of my favorite parts of riding the carousel. They must have also at some point commissioned new music rolls for the band organ because one morning the band organ played such vintage hits as “The Boxer”, “One Tin Solider”, and “Love Potion No. 9.” There is something charming in hearing these modern hits coming from a band organ with it’s reedy pipes, bass drum, cymbals, and triangles. The simplicity of going around and around to the loud oom pah pahs, the velocity of the carousel creating just enough breeze to cut through the summer heat – this is summer as it is meant to be savored.

– The ten year old’s camp is also about a ten minute drive from a wonderful hike along the Potomac river. One day after camp, I took the baby. The trail winds through a nicely shaded route next to the Potomac, and at one point we came to some rocky out crops, great for a rocky scramble, which the baby is always up for. I am always amazed at her ability to climb rocks, fitting her small fingers in crevices and pulling herself up with the slightest purchase. We had a snack and enjoyed watching the river flow by. Hikes with the baby don’t always go far, but they are nonetheless full of wonder.

– Fizzy water and popsicles. At the beginning of June I took a weekend away with a good friend to Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. One of the things we discovered there was flavored balsamic vinegar used as a drink ingredient. I came home with some blackberry ginger balsamic and blood orange vanilla balsamic and the next day went to the store to stock up on fizzy water. Well after a week of that, I remembered that several years ago my brother had gifted me a SodaStream, which I had used little bit but never really got the hang of it so I put it in the attic. Inspired by my balsamic adventures, I pulled the SodaStream out of storage, bought a new Co2 cartridge, and now have fizzy water at the touch of a button. This makes me so happy. Also – summer also means popsicle season. The husband bought a new Mexican cookbook and there is a recipe in it for lime paletas. I have been making those weekly now, though sometimes I, in a fit of frugalness, throw in all the dried and sad citrus that has been languishing in the fruit bowl. So a fun realization is that the paleta base also makes a good lemonade base. And when mixed with fizzy water, makes a delightful summer drink. I feel so clever for getting two uses out of one recipe!

– Pool Time. The ten year old is on the swim team again, so we are spending a lot of time at the pool what with four practices and at least one meet a week. And then on weekends, the kids inevitably want to go to the pool. While the five year old is very cautious in the pool, the baby is fearless. She insists on wearing her brother’s swim vest rather than her more buoyant Puddle Jumper. The swim team parents have to volunteer to work the meets and I’ve been usually assigned to be a timer, which is kind of fun and exciting and my feet have been getting very wet. The ten year old and I have worked out a deal that every time she drops time without being disqualified, she gets and additional dollar for the snack bar. I’ve never really been one for bribing a kid to do well, but I do think that achievements should be celebrated.

– Anticipation. I read this article a couple weeks ago about how anticipation can help a person enjoy life more, and that having something to look forward to can boost one’s mood. The most interesting part of the article for me, though was this: “The flip side of positive anticipation,” the author writes, ” is anticipatory anxiety.” That is to say, a lot of things mix feelings of excitement and anxiety. “The key is acknowledging the happy, positive aspects of what you’re doing along with the nervous feelings,” the article goes on to say. I was thinking about this lately when the Husband and I were trying to plan some travel this summer. There is a lot of stress that goes along with planning a trip that sometimes all I can think about is, “Is it really going to be worth packing the kids in a van for a ten hour road trip?” or “Three kids + two adults + 1 tent = no sleep for anyone.” (except maybe the five year old. he sleeps like a rock.) But, I realize that if I thought about all that could be painful about a trip, I would never take the kids anywhere. So we do have some trips planned and I’m trying to persist in finding things that will be fun and interesting on this trip to get the Husband and I excited about going. I talk to people about our plans, read books, look at maps…. anything to get me to think of the trip as more than just a bundle of challenges and missteps. I’m sure there will be many of those, but surely there will also be some good moments too.

– The Smithsonian. I always feel so lucky that the Smithsonian Museums are just a 30-40 minute metro ride from home and that there are so many wonderful things to see there and it’s all free. It had been several years since I last went to the Smithsonian’s Folklife Festival – the past couple of years I’m not sure it was held due to COVID. So when I heard that this festival which celebrates cultural traditions was going to be going full swing again, I decided to take the baby and meet up with my friend Kristen to check it out. This year’s theme was the United Arab Emirates and Earth Optimism. We saw a Bedouin cooking demonstration, watched someone make fishing nets by hand, participated in an art project and relaxed on a majlis – a community sitting place, often for discussing cultural and political issues – set up in the shade of a tree. The art project was particularly interesting – the artist Azza Al Qubaisi gave each person a cross section of a palm stem to decorate, then she will take a picture and assemble them all digitally into a design. It was really neat – the baby’s effort was a little messy and chaotic, but when seen as part of a large whole, it didn’t look that bad. The artist’s goal is to collect 1000 palm sections, which I think was a pretty easy goal.

One weekend, after the Husband was done isolating, we took the metro downtown again, this time to check out an exhibit called Futures, which sought to collect artifacts that recalled how we thought of the future as well as objects that could give us a glimpse of today’s future. There were some really neat exhibits that really made me think about the idea of inclusion – a computer generated voice that was meant to be genderless, and a version of Minecraft that you could play with your eyes. And some machines that would make food production and transportation more efficient. It was all incredibly thought provoking to think about what I would want the future to look like, and what it might actually look like.

archway into Arts and Industry Building.

I also liked that throughout the exhibit there were quotes on the wall about how we can think about the future. My favorite:

And speaking of the unimaginable future – the best thing of all in June:

– The Husband’s positive COVID test coincided with the approval of the vaccine for kids 6 months to 5 years. The baby had been in a Pfizer trial and she had a 2 in 3 chance of getting the real vaccine, the other 1 in 3 being a placebo. The trial was to be unblinded in six months or when the vaccine was approved for her age group, whichever was sooner. Anyhow, the Monday after the vaccine was approved, I was driving the ten year old to camp, when I noticed I missed a call which turned out to be the folks from the study calling to unblind the baby. It took four days for them to call me back, and I was so impatiently on pins and needles to find out. Finally, I was running errands at Target one morning and the study folks called again. This time I was able to answer the phone, having left the ringer on since I first missed the call. Well turns out…. the baby received three doses of the vaccine, so she is now fully vaccinated! Whoo hoo! Until, that is, she needs a booster. I celebrate with a grain of sobriety, since the Husband, who is fully vaccinated managed to get COVID despite everything. But… it’s a layer of protection and I’m so glad that we are all vaccinated to some degree. I did have a feeling that she had the real vaccine because the 24 hours after the third shot, she was a tired, cranky lethargic mess and she usually is the happiest ball of energy. Interestingly, she had no side effects from the first two shots, however. The baby (okay, toddler) will go to pre-school in the fall, and I feel grateful that she will have had three doses of the vaccine. On the other hand, I’m really going to miss going on adventures with her. I’m already mourning the loss of my little buddy.

(Okay, funny toddler side note – For some reason, she thinks that every store is called Target. So whenever I mention buying something, she says, “Go buy from Target?” Even if it’s a car.)

Long weekend and Summer!

It’s a long weekend. “I have four at home days!” the five year old keeps telling people. Monday is off for Juneteenth, but Friday there was no school for him because it was a Teacher work day.

The ten year old is finished fourth grade. She missed the last day of school yesterday because she and her dad already had a trip planned but then the school year was extended to compensate for snow days. When I was growing up, perfect attendance was something we aspired to, but I’m coming to feel like it’s not the most important metric. I don’t want the kids to feel like attendance is optional or teach them to be cavalier with school policies, so I’m still a little conflicted about letting them miss school.

At any rate, I didn’t get a picture of the ten year old on her last day of school, but we did stop for Dairy Queen on the way home from school. There is always a frozen treat involved on the last day. Against my better judgement the baby got her own Blizzard to eat in the car and made a mess, but I couldn’t very well just have Blizzards for me and the ten year old and not for the baby.

Maybe because this long weekend comes at the end of the school year but it feels, more so than Memorial Day, that this is the weekend to kick off the summer. The weather is sunny, hotter some days than others, and perfect for some summer adventures.

So three and a half days on my own with the two little kids. I’ve found there is a bit of freedom when solo parenting, to not have to plan or negotiate free time with someone else since you know you just won’t be getting any until the kids go to bed.

Plans/aspirations for this long weekend:

– fold the mountain of laundry (perhaps while watching a movie with the kids)

– tidy the toy room (done this morning, but it is already a mess again)

– tidy the spare room

-cull some clothes and prep them to hand off to a friend (the culling happened last night the hand off will probably happen Monday)

– make muffins

-make Rice Krispie treats.

– Hike with the two little kids. I’m thinking Calvert Cliffs State Park where one can hike 1.5 miles or so to a beach then look for shark’s teeth. though we will have to get an early start because it is not a large park so they will close when at capacity. It will be an adventure for sure.

– the ten year old’s first swim meet.

– various social activities/ playdates. Essential to solo parenting weekends is making sure I have grown ups to talk to.

– post to this blog. This one is clearly a little meta. I have a whole bank of half written posts stemming from lots of happenings in life and in my brain the past month or so. I want to finish those thoughts and recaps push those thoughts out into the world.

It’s a good combination of “to do” and “for fun”, I think. I feel like if I don’t tackle some “to do” stuff on these long weekends, they will loom and I will get restless while doing the fun stuff. I guess it’s about balance. As is most things.

Eat the Peaches

The mornings hover between spring and summer, just where I like it. The temperatures are low enough that there is a slight chill, the air is dry from having released its humidity in a midnight rainstorm, leaving wet grass and the smell of rain. Yet the earth has tilted so the sunlight is early and direct, warming out faces as I walk the kids to school, and our backs as I walk home after drop off. I know that soon, 8am will be suffocatingly humid and 80 degrees, so I remind myself to savour these favorite mornings.

The other day, I made a to do list for the week. Yes, I’m slowly getting back into the habit, dumping out my brain like the linen closet and putting things back folded and neat, and maybe putting aside those tasks that are no longer useful. The week’s to do list read:

-pay bills
– sort bills from [rental property]
– figure out summer camp
– eat the peaches

One of summer’s greatest gifts is fresh peaches. Bought by the bushel from farmer’s markets, they are so plentiful and sweet, the seconds barely discernable from the firsts. Sometimes I like to go pick them myself, although prime peach season is typically August, when the weather is at its hottest and most humid, so the labor is never as enjoyable as the fruits of said labor. The boxes of peaches pile up in the house and we eat them as fast as we can, then turn to making pies and turnovers and eating them wrapped in ham with a slice of basil and also the peach shortbread recipe from Smitten Kitchen. But inevitably the we can’t eat them fast enough and I end up canning several jars of them and tucking them away in the basement.

Canned summer peaches are a present from my summer self to my future winter self. In the depths of winter, to open a jar of peaches and remember what summer tastes like is like eating nostalgia and warmth wrapped together. Even peaches that I remember being not quite sweet in the heat of summer, taste perfectly sweet when I spoon them into my mouth as I stare at the snow blanketing bare limbs in January.

Of course the kids always want to eat the peaches right away, after they have been put up. But I tell them, no. I want to save the peaches for that moment in winter when it feels like we have been in it for so long that I can’t remember what summer is like. Then, when I feel like summer is so far away, do I bring out a jar, and crack it open, unleashing glistening deep yellow mounds of edible sunshine.

This winter, though… it was unseasonably warm. I thought about my peaches sitting on the filing cabinet in the basement and always said to myself, “Nah. It’s not cold enough yet to bring them out. It surely will get colder and more miserable this winter.” And whether I was having a fit of asceticism, denying myself peaches, or whether the winter truly was a mild one, either way I now found myself mid May and the peaches still had not been eaten.

And so as we turn the corner into May, and I started to make my summer fun list, I realized that the peaches were still sitting in the basement when soon it would be time to bring home more bushels of peaches and can them for next winter. And what would be the point of eating canned peaches in August when the fresh peaches were so abundant?

So I put it on my list – “Eat the peaches”

As if it were a chore. But it’s not a chore. Quite the contrary. It’s just sometimes I need a reminder to do the thing that brings me joy.

Or also, bring the kids joy. The moment I brought the jars up from the basement, their faces lit up. “Peaches!” they exclaimed and crowded around as I popped open the jars, the vacuum sealed lids coming off with a satisfying sucking sound. Thuuuwack!

The baby, in particular, loves to drink the liquid that the peaches were canned in. “Potion!” she calls it, lifting the entire jar to her mouth and chugging greedily. It reminds me of Zero and Stanley in the book Holes, drinking centuries old canned peaches, calling it “Sploosh”.

So we are now down to a couple peach halves floating in “potion” in the fridge, and that is all that remains from last year’s batch. I don’t know what I’m saving those last two peach halves for, why my reluctance to eat them. Perhaps I’m holding on to the memory of last summer, wanting to draw it out as much as possible. Not anything specific at all, even. Just the idea of warm and sun and padding barefoot in my kitchen and the luxury of leisure time. (How strange that canning peaches, once a necessity, is now for me almost a leisure activity.) I have this irrational sense that once I finish those last bits of last year’s peaches, I will have lost last summer, released it into the ether of memory and time.

This is silly, I tell myself. Be practical. I need to clear that jar away to make room for the incoming crop of peaches. Besides I will be so sad if I hold on to those last few peaches so long that they spoil and then I can’t enjoy them at all. Perhaps practicality and planning is the only thing that can overcome my sentimentality over a bit of canned fruit. So I write it on my list:

-Eat the peaches.

Weekly recap + what we ate: tech and Mother’s Day

It’s half way through tech week, and it’s been a particularly hard one. The show is on the large side – there’s ninety performers onstage, a gazillion props and costumes, and, the realities of doing theatre in a world that is very much still in a pandemic, people are constantly in and out on five day isolations or ten day isolations. Precautions are being taken, but … life, you know. I’m feeling constantly like I’m playing catch up, barely getting people onstage in time with the right prop and often in the wrong costume. It will get better and we will have a great show, but everything feels hard right now. As I keep saying when things don’t go right – everyone needs rehearsal. The singers get three weeks to figure out the show and for some reason everyone expects the crew to get it right the first time. But they need a chance to figure things out too and some shows are easier to figure out than others.

It’s my first time back in this particular theatre in over two years. Strange to think about. The crew is mostly familiar, but everyone has a wary air of tiredness, caution, and welcome.

Sunday was Mother’s Day. And a day off. I think if I’d had time to think about it, what I really wanted for Mother’s Day would have been three hours alone to catch up on bills and other computer tasks. And also to deal with the growing mountain that is my “floordrobe”.

Actually it’s more like a “bench-drobe”. Coming home after midnight, when everyone is asleep means that I don’t want to turn on the lights in the bedroom for fear of waking the Husband. So I fumble around in the dark to get into my pjs, shedding that day’s clothes onto the bench at the foot of the bed, and fall into bed. Inevitably it leads to a mountain of clothes, a week’s worth in a pile on the bench , spilling on to the floor. I could pretend that when I am not working til past midnight I carefully and thoughtfully hang up my clothes, or put them in the hamper, but truth… when I’m not working til midnight the pile is still there, but usually only three days worth.

A lot gets said these days about self care, but for me I think a big part of self care is tackling the looming things so I don’t stress about them. There is a passage in the novel Fleishman is in Trouble where the newly divorced main character’s therapist tells him to buy nice curtains for his new apartment, telling him to think of it as an act of self care. And Fleishman remarks that self care isn’t spending his money on new curtains, it’s saving his money so that he can move into a less crappy apartment. I think of this a lot when the question of “self care” comes up. I find that it’s easy to find twenty minutes for yoga or a run or to sit and read a book, but it’s harder to find the energy to tackle the things that really would make life better. Like figuring out summer camp for the ten year old (still not done yet!), squaring away the bills for the rental house. Buying pants.

This last is a big one. I came out of the pandemic without black pants that fit. Which is problematic when a large chunk of my job requires me to move around in the dark wearing black clothes. The last few shows I just pulled out my old maternity pants. Which was fine because I was stage managing so I pretty much stood i once place and my headset was attached to my console. Now that I’m Assistant Stage Managing, I need pants with a firm waistband so I can clip my flashlight and headset belt pack to a belt. Yoga pants do not serve this purpose. Post pandemic stage manager woes.

Anyhow, back to Mother’s Day…despite my desire for some life admin time, it seemed to me, that shutting myself in my room and leaving the Husband on child duty after he’s been solo parenting in the evening for two weeks was not the nice thing to do, Mother’s Day or not. So I said I would be happy getting some tasty food, going on a walk, and not having to think too hard about dinner.

And we did indeed do all that. Everyone let me sleep in until almost ten and there were pancakes waiting when I woke up. Sleeping til ten sounds positively indulgent but when I figured I didn’t get home from rehearsal until 2am the night before, 2:30am- 10am is actually a regular night’s sleep.

There was a card and a gift bag waiting for me. Inside the bag were a bag of almond flour and a package of lychee gummies. My reaction was a combination of “Huh… ooookay” and “They know me so well!” And then there was this priceless card:

I had originally wanted to give the Husband the day off from kid duty, but he insisted since it was Mother’s Day, we should do some family things. So we took the five year old to Sunday language class, then with the other two kids in the car we went for fun drinks and snacks at a new-to-us Cuban place. Empanadas and plantain chips for the win!

When the five year old was done language class, we went for a walk on the trails surrounding one of the local nature centers. We wandered down by the stream and practiced skipping rocks. I managed to skip one three times! I’d never been really good at it, but the Husband gave me some tips and I think I sort of got the hang of it. Then we ordered Indian food for takeout.

After dinner the Ten year old offered to clean up so the Husband and I were going to take some time to discuss all the life things that we hadn’t had a chance to connect about since we hadn’t really hd any waking hours together. But I fell asleep on the couch and that was the end of things for me. I think it was 7:30pm. But, we did check off all the Mother’s Day wishes on my list, so I think I will call that a win.

Some things that made the week better:

A Haiku for this week:

April turns to May.
Spring teeters on summer’s brink.
Rain and sun and green.

Some time during the pandemic, our rehearsal rooms had larger windows put it, and the resulting flood of light is quite wonderful. During evening rehearsals, when we have almost ninety people in the room trying to stage a very busy village square type scene, I can look out the window and take a moment to savor the pink and orange sunset. I snapped this picture the other day of the late afternoon transforming my little corner of the rehearsal hall into some kind of of Dutch still life.

The toddler has started saying, “I love you, mom.” That makes me feel pretty good. She also, an independent soul, has developed her own “ism” where whenever she wants to do something, she says, “I want to do it by my own!”. I love it too much to try to correct her.
Also – irritating, but makes me laugh – the toddler getting ahold of my phone and filling my photo roll like this:

Scheduled a happy hour with the mom’s from my mom’s group. Something to look forward to.
Been baking some pretty good loaves of sourdough bread, using this no-knead recipe. My starter seems to have gotten back on it’s feet, after being somewhat lackluster for much of the spring. This recipe, is pretty hands off and each step fits easily into the windows of time when I’m home.
Overnight camping with some friends. The time outdoors was nice, and even though sleeping in a tent with a toddler is not restful – six o’clock in the morning she wakes me up with yelling, “It’s too bright!!” – there is something peaceful about being surrounded by dew and bird calls first thing in the morning.

Re-discovering the tv show Pushing Daisies – whimsical, romantic, funny and visually stunning, I remember watching this series about a pie maker who can wake the dead when it first came out. The Husband and I have started watching it again, fifteen years after it originally aired. We watch one episode at a time, knowing that there are only two season and wanting to prolong the delight of watching it.
Discovering another lovely tv show Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. This show out of Australia and based on a series of books is also great fun and super stylish. Some days when I work late, I tell the Husband to leave the kitchen for me to clean up. Partly I’m being nice, but also partly I want an excuse to watch an episode of this show, which I stream while I do the washing up.
Then of course, my co-workers who make me laugh even when we are literally in horse shit.

What We Ate:

Saturday: I was working, but this was the night the Husband took the kids camping with some friends. I showed up at the campground after work and had a couple sandwiches and ‘smores for dinner. I think everyone else had hot dogs and burgers.

Sunday: Leftovers.

Monday: The Husband made a tofu stir fry.

Tuesday: Not quite sure what everyone ate. It might have been Thai take-out.

Wednesday: Black Beans, made in the InstantPot before I went to work. Eaten with tortillas and pickled onions.

Thursday: Chicken tortilla soup. Also made in the InstantPot. Recipe from America’s Test Kitchen

Friday: Pizza and Hercules. I was at work.

Saturday: I think the family got take out. I ate leftovers at work.

Sunday: Mother’s Day Indian Food take out.