parenting – Life Off Headset

Weekly recap + what we ate: Art and celebrations

This year, Lunar New Year AND Super Bowl Sunday fell in the same weekend. I am a little abashed to say that the latter gets more attention in our household. However, I did call my father (My mother is in Taiwan with my grandfather), and the seven year old dressed all in red on Saturday (coincidentally, but my dad made a comment about it when we FaceTimed, so I’ll take it), and I made my first attempt at making baozi (pork filled steamed buns). We had dumplings at our Superbowl party, a nod to both San Francisco and Lunar new Year.

My parents also send us two boxes of oranges from their tree for Lunar New Year, including red envelopes for the kids. (Though there was a bit of a mix up and we got my niece’s red envelope, and my brother got the ones for our kids. Oops!) The oranges are amazing – really sweet and juicy. Our neighbors also gave us a box of pineapple cakes too, one of my favorite Taiwanese treats, and they brought red envelopes for the kids too. So I feel as if I haven’t totally neglected the holiday, though I can do better. Every year, I think I’m going to celebrate/participate more, but then Lunar New Year creeps ups on me. I do feel like I fail at being the good Asian daughter a lot of the time.

The weekend felt very packed. Saturday was a basketball game for the 11 year old, and then she had an audition for a children’s chorus. Apparently the audition didn’t go well – it was her first real audition experience and she said she got really “spooked” singing for the people in the room. I am feeling deeply conflicted as a parent about the whole thing – there is a part of me that is all Tiger Mom, thinking, “Well, she didn’t prepare adequately and if she had truly wanted to do this, she would have practiced more. She needs to develop a sense of discipline if she wants to do this again”, and there is a part of me that says, “Auditioning is hard! Good for her for going in there. Big Hugs.” I do want her to enjoy an activity and do things that serve her interests, and at the same time, I think there is a certain sense of discipline and determination that are a more long term takeaway from participating in activities. Or maybe I’m expecting too much? Or overthinking things? I think often of an interview I heard on Fresh Air with a lady who’s son was diagnosed with a fatal illness when he was still a baby, and she talks about wondering what is the goal of parenting when you know your child will not grow up to be an adult?

Super Bowl Sunday, there were classes and activities (agility class, Faith Formation, and skating lessons), a playdate, which I almost cancelled fearing it was too much to do, but which ultimately was quite nice because it was our only opportunity to go outside all day, and the kids got to ride their bikes to the park.

Then in the evening we had friends over to watch the Super Bowl. I thought the game was simultaneously slow and exciting. The half time show was a lot (as it should be). And there were some pretty great commercials. My favorites were the Ben Affleck/ Jennifer Lopez Dunkin’ Donuts commercial – hilarious!, and then commercial for Google Pixel’s new guided frame technology which helps people with impaired or low vision take pictures. I mean, if I was the type to cry during a commercial, that would have been the one. We sent the little kids to bed when the game went into overtime, though the rest of us stayed up to watch to the very end. Still a late night for all.

Other happenings of the week before:
I started my watercolor class! The day before the first class, I went to the art store to pick up supplies. Is there anything as exciting as the anticipation of new art supplies? Fresh paints, blank paper, and smooth brushes.

The first class was a lot of explanation of supplies. The teacher told us not to buy the very expensive supplies for an introductory class. Except for watercolour pencils. There is one inexpensive brand of watercolour pencils that she does not recommend – the colours are not saturated enough. “Did you keep the receipt?” she asked the students who came to class with that brand. I thought that was hilarious.

Our first in class assignment was to experiment with six different watercolour techniques. The homework is a repeat of the same techniques. Here’s how I did on the first try:

Things I learned from the week’s crossword puzzle – one of my favorite things that we did last year was get a Sunday newspaper. Hands down my favorite part is the crossword puzzle, that I work on through the week. I do them in pen, and I don’t look up clues. However, once I finish the crossword puzzle, or get the solutions the following week, I will google the answers that were new to me; I find it’s a fun way to learn random bits of knowledge. Things I learned from this week’s puzzle:
-Anne Meara (“Emmy nominated Anne”) – Meara was a comedian who had a comedy routine with her husband Jerry Stiller. I was particularly struck by the fact that they broke up their comedy act because they were afraid that the biting tone of their routine was hurting their marriage in the long run. I thought that was a pretty self-aware decision.
–Otoes (Native Americans based in Red Rock, Okla.) This Native American tribe was semi-nomadic, originally from the Great Lakes area but eventually settling along the Missouri River in the Iowa/Missouri/Nebraska area. They were decimated by small pox and the American government.
– Gaus sum (Gaus __, concept in algebraic number theory.) This is the method of adding consecutive numbers by adding the first and last, second and second last, and so on, and then dividing by 2. Quite neat and efficient.
–Adolph Rupp. (Kentucky coaching legend Rupp) University basketball coach with a storied career. Anytime I see the name “Adolph”, I wonder about the choice. Rupp was born in 1901, clearly before the name Adolph became practically taboo.
–Tealight (Candle originally used to warm a steeped drink.) Who knew? But makes so much sense. Tealights originally came from Japan and were used to keep tea warm, but also they helped tea brewers keep track of time since one knew how long they would burn for.

The hyacinths are poking their heads up. What the what???? It is alarming yet also how can I not love the hints of spring?

The “I’ll miss this some day” moment: One morning, I was woken up very early – not sure how early, but it was definitely before 5:30am – by the four year old standing next to my bed bawling at the top of her lungs. Let take a moment to reflect on how freaky it is to be woken out of a dead sleep by someone standing next to your bed, even a small and cute someone. And she was clearly upset.

Eventually I figured out what she was sobbing.

“You didn’t play Let it Go when I brushed my teeth!!!!!!” she cried over and over again.

Backstory: the night before, I had let the six year old pick the music for clean up time, but then I promised that four year old that she could listen to Let It Go while they brushed their teeth. Then I forgot, and we played Chompers, as we usually do, no one said a word or reminded me of my promise for Let It Go. Everyone went to bed. I moved on with life.

But I guess not everyone forgot. Or rather someone eventually remembered.

This is one difference between the Husband and me: At 5am when a small person wakes you out of a dead sleep, grief stricken that we’d forgotten to play Let It Go – I try to console her and explain that I had forgotten and that she also had a responsibility to remind me. The Husband, reaches over, picks up his phone, cues up the Frozen soundtrack, and rolls over and goes back to sleep. I’ll let you guess which tactic got the four year old to stop crying.

An hour or so later, when we were both truly awake, I said to the Husband, “Wow, she has a mind like a steel trap!”

“It’s a rusty steel trap,” he says, “Because you never know when it’s going to snap shut and bite you in the ass.”

Perspective: So back in September, I wrote a post entitled “A Litany of Complaints”, of many of the things stressing me that time, and I thought it would be interesting to revisit those stressors:
–The cavity ridden state of the two little kids’ teeth. This has been more or less resolved to the tune of many many crowns. We’ve given up gummy candy and are more diligent about brushing. I just got a notification that they are due for their semi-annual cleaning, which I’m sort of dreading but also curious as to whether or not we are truly cavity free.
–Unflattering passport photos, and an expired passport in general. My new passport just arrived. Yay. I was genuinely worried that my grandfather would suddenly pass away and I would not be able to go back to Taiwan because I had no passport. So that’s all squared away. Morbid, I know. (I had one cousin who missed out on a huge family reunion in Taiwan because she had put her passport in storage and couldn’t get to it. The family still constantly brings it up. So I’m glad I won’t be known as the grandchild who couldn’t go to Agong’s funeral because she didn’t have a passport.) I still hate the picture. I tell myself I don’t have to look at it, but even still, I know that it’s a terrible picture. Can’t take that away from me. AND it’s going to be there for the next ten years. That’s pretty much until the youngest kid is in high school and the oldest is graduated from college. So I guess I’ll get a new photo in time for a celebratory international trip with the oldest child.
–Not planning the three year old’s birthday party until the last minute. It was fine. She had a party, which I wrote about here. Only now I have neglected to plan the seven year old’s birthday party – his birthday was three weeks ago. There’s always something. Same stress different kid.
–Keeping track of the 11 year old’s activities. I have them all pretty straight now, but it’s been a bit of a shuffle this month with her playing rec league basketball and the Husband and I both working on one of the nights she usually goes to basketball clinic. On another front, luckily we share carpooling to the pool with the neighbors so usually someone will remember if there is not swim clinic that week. Also – the twelve year old is in the school play, which rehearses directly after school so she has been totally responsible for that. I just have to remember not to panic on the evening when it gets to be 4:45pm and I suddenly realize I haven’t seen her yet.
–Window treatments for the living room. Aside from some abstract contemplation, there has been absolutely no movement on this. I’d like to just throw my hands in the air and give up on it, but this is the current state of things:

*Very* ad hoc and improvised. There are at least four different stages of window treatment contemplation going on here.

–My 20 year old car. The car is still with us. We did however, get a new minivan back in October. By “we” I mean the Husband. I have yet to drive the minivan. Part of what we talked about in getting a minivan is that I would get rid of my car. But I’m irrationally attached to my car and have been putting things off. I had promised the Husband that I would take care of getting rid of the car in January. Then February. And now, the windshield wipers need replacing and we need to renew it’s parking permit and it probably needs an oil change. And I think – should I really do all that if I’m going to imminently get rid of it? Anyhow, change is hard, I’m having some kind of block against moving forward with getting rid of the car. The thing is – we could put more money into it and it would be okay, so it feels wasteful to get rid of the car. I’m investigating donating it to the high school’s automotive training program. This is still a huge stressor for me.
–Morning routines. Still feels like the mornings are interminable yet rushed. I came to a huge revelation about my morning routines last week. Part of the reason my morning routines are non-existent is because the kids are so erratic in the mornings. One kids is up at 6:30am, another sleeps til 7:00am, the other… something in between. Sometimes they want breakfast right off, sometimes they roam the house. Sometimes they will get dressed first, sometimes not til they’ve been up for an hour and a half. If they were more consistent about their mornings, I could feel like there is a routine – for everyone. Like maybe we would get piano practicing done, maybe we would put away some laundry, maybe I could get some journaling in… Maybe I’m asking too much. But it does seem like with almost 2.5 hours of awake time in the morning, I should be able to do more then, breakfast, pack lunch, get dressed. Work in progress.

Which is all to say – I feel like some of the things that were stressing me out in September are still stressing me out, some have been resolved, and some I’ve learned to make peace with. They’ve moved from stressing me out to just being irksome. I think this is a big component of adulting for me – managing stressors. Stressing about things until I manage them. I don’t know why I do it like this – it always feels better when things are resolved.

Grateful For:
– Superbowl Sunday with Friends. It’s nice to have people over who I don’t have to worry about impressing, who will bring tasty food, and who have kids that will entertain our kids.

–For the middle school teachers who keep the 12 year old (and all the students) safe: The 12 year old’s school had a lock down at school on Friday. Apparently there were some teenagers with BB guns who fi (or maybe there was more than one- it’s unclear), ran into the field next to school. The police came. Looking at the letter sent home the whole incident took about 20 minutes, but I’m sure it felt like longer to her in her classroom. All the nearby schools went into lockdown. It’s hard to conceive of what the real danger was to everyone at the school, but regardless, it must have been an incredibly stressful afternoon. Some part of my mind thinks, “Of course, everything turned out okay,” but I know I can’t take that for granted. Such is life in America. Sadly.

-Biking. It’s gotten warm enough (and dry enough) to bike places. I biked to work one day, though I did walk the bike up the big hill, and I biked to meet the Husband for lunch.

–Our neighbor for lending us a bamboo steamer: As I mentioned above, I wanted to try my hand at making bao for Lunar New Year. However, I didn’t have a bamboo steamer. I could steam in a regular metal steamer, but there is something about the bamboo smell that completes the bao flavor for me. So I texted our neighbor, and they had one which they dropped off that very afternoon. I think the buns turned out okay – they popped open a little when I steamed them, so I do need work on my folding technique. I also want to experiment with some vegetarian filling options.

Looking Forward To:
-A potential big trip. We’ve been doing some research for our winter break trip. One day over lunch, the Husband and I were to both come with three ideas to start discussing. I find planning for travel overwhelming, but just starting to research a destination (or three) is actually pretty fun.

-Long weekend adventures. Definitely a hike, and maybe a museum. (This all happened. It was a great weekend! More on that soon. )

-Reading more of Courtney Milan’s latest book, The Marquis Who Musn’t. Historical romance featuring an English village populated by Asian people? Yes please! I love Milan’s books – there are no idiotic people and her writing and plotting is generally very good. She’s also hugely outspoken on issues of race and inclusivity in the romance genre.

What We Ate:
Monday: Takeout from Chicken on the Run. The 7 year old had his first sewing class and I was going to make sandwiches for dinner when we got home, but sewing class is a block down from a really good Peruvian chicken place, so I called an audible and brought home chicken, and yucca fries and plantains and black beans and rice, and cucumber salad. No regrets.

Tuesday: Zucchini Boats. The Husband cooked. He stuffed the boats with ground turkey and covered it with cheese and diced tomatoes. Always a favorite.

Wednesday: Bacon and Egg pie. Recipe from Saveur Magazine. I used to subscribe to Saveur magazine and I loved it – the food writing was so evocative and homey, even when it was about far flung locations. I very rarely cooked out of it because the recipes often needed ingredients that I didn’t have on hand since a lot of the recipes came from other countries or cultures. Anyhow, I have a gentle aspiration to cook more from the cooking magazines that I own and I had bookmarked this recipe to try – it’s from New Zealand and quite easy – puff pastry, filled with chopped up bacon and eggs, drizzled with a sauce of Worchester sauce and ketchup, then baked. I think I overbaked it a little, though. The result, however, would be perfect for a portable lunch or breakfast.

Thursday: Pizza Takeout. It was the Husband’s birthday and he didn’t want to celebrate, but then changed his mind so he came home with pizza from his favorite place and a cake from his favorite bakery. We kept it lowkey, but the kids did make a sign:

Friday: Pizza (The Husband made) and Galavant. Friday night tradition. I don’t know what we’re going to do when we finish season two.

Saturday: Bahn mi (take out) and A Bug’s Life (the 7 year old’s turn to pick the movie). The movie was new to me, very cute.

Sunday: Superbowl Sunday. Lots of food! Our friends are both big griller/smokers. One brought brisket and one brought ribs. The Husband made guacamole. We ordered soft pretzels from the DC Pretzel Company. There was also dumplings, baozi, crudite, brownies, lemon cake, chips, fruit. I like having a good party spread and this one was pretty good.

(Bi) Weekly recap + what we ate: Back to Work

Last week, I started a short gig. Life has been a little work heavy. Work always feels all consuming when I’m in the thick of it, and I’m trying to work on that balance. This week I feel like I haven’t been showing up for the “life” parts of work/life balance. (I don’t love that phrase to begin with, though. Balance seems to indicate that there is a sense of equilibrium that is ideal and I’m not sure I believe in that. Maybe “balance” is just a sense of peace or resignation. Also “Work/Life” seems to indicated some kind of dichotomy, but work is part of life, not the opposite of it.) I’ve been pretty bad about getting home when I said I would. Something comes up, or I try to send that one last email, or attend to one detail. I know it’s hard on the rest of the family when “I’ll be home for dinner” becomes “I’ll be home for bedtime” becomes, “I’ll kiss them goodnight once I’m home.” so I want to get better at this. I’m trying to figure out if this is an issue with how I manage my work or if the issue is with the work itself.

On my self-maintenance habits: I did manage to run five times in these past two weeks, did at least ten minutes of yoga every day, and journal every day, and do my Wordle and Duolingo, so that’s in the “check mark!” column. On the other hand, I did not go to bed at a decent time most nights, and I skipped a lot of meals and ate a lot of midnight snacks, so I have demerits in the “sleep” and “eat” columns. I think partly because the rehearsal schedule was a little different- one big rehearsal in the middle of the day rather than two shorter rehearsals with a meal break in the middle – so there wasn’t always a “typical” time to have lunch. I did bring lots of snacks, so it was just a matter of making sure I took time to grab a snack whenever we had a short rehearsal break. I think, though, in constantly snacking, I missed having a sit down lunch so my brain would think I was famished when I got home after rehearsal and I’d eat less mindfully than I would like. So maybe I need to work on more filling snack meals, or just remembering to eat when I can, not when I have to. Kind of like peeing. Or just to not snack when I get home.

Good things:
– The Husband had given me a National Parks Pass for Christmas so we went on a hike/walk to Great Falls on Saturday. It was a great day for a little walk, and the kids liked climbing on the boulders. Now that I have a park pass I’ll be sure to go more often. I also need to plan other National Park visits.

-We took down Christmas. It always feels like a lot of work – we never remember which ornament goes in what box or how to Jenga all the boxes back in the storage bin. There must be an easier solution. Also now that the Christmas tree is down, I’m relishing how much space we have regained in the living room.

-One Saturday night after dinner, we had impromptu family reading time. We’ve been borrowing Vox books at the library for the two little kids – these are books with a build in audio player so that the kids can work it themselves. They love them. And I don’t have to read Frog and Toad 192,853,782 times. The oldest didn’t read because she was practicing piano, but it made a nice accompaniment for the rest of us, ensconced in our chairs with our books. Until she complained that she couldn’t concentrate on practicing because the Vox book was too loud. So we rearranged ourselves and put the two littles with their Vox book on the other side of the room and all got back to reading and practicing. All told, family reading time was perhaps only 30-45 minutes, but it seemed so indulgent to all just be able to sit together in a room for that amount of time – no laundry to do, no carpool to drive, no homework to think about.

-The Oldest kid turned eleven! Despite all the the trials of birthday celebrations I had written of in the last post, I think the now-eleven year old had a pretty good birthday. She got to choose her birthday cereal (she picked Frosted Flakes), and got to have her favorite dinner (The Husband’s kung pao chicken). Then on the next weekend we had some friends over for a sleepover and movie matinee. I was all concerned about what they would do at the sleepover, as I hadn’t planned anything, but we had the kids make individual pizzas and they played Apples to Apples and watched tv and drank soda and everyone seemed quite happy with that. The next morning I made three batches of waffles and we had some more friends come over, then the kids and dads went to see Puss in Boots. Initially at the beginning of the week, the only Sunday morning movie listed was Avatar and I was a little leery about having the kids watch a 3 hour PG 13 movie, but luckily when I checked on Thursday, Puss in Boots was playing, so I bought tickets for that. I think everyone had a great time.

-The day of the sleepover, I had to work, but I also still had to do the grocery shop for the sleepover. So I put on my efficient speedy shopper hat and went to the grocery store at 8:45am, stopped at the Deli to pick up the requested rainbow cake for the party, and was home by 10am and had time to put away the groceries before getting to work in time for an 11am rehearsal. For someone who has to read every food label, grocery shopping can become quite a drawn out event. But that morning, I had such a sense of flow… It just felt like a huge accomplishment to have all the shopping done and groceries put away before 10:30am.

– At our production meeting after our final dress rehearsal, the director of our show made a point to tell everyone what a good job she thought I was doing. It’s been a fast intense process and whereas typically I have at least one assistant, this time I didn’t have any assistants since the show was supposed to be pretty minimal. It wasn’t. It wasn’t a large show by any means, and it wasn’t terribly complex, but it was more involved than this kind of project has been in the past. On our tech day, I logged 13 000 steps/5.7 miles and 11 flights of stairs. This is actually surprising to me somewhat that it’s so high because typically as a stage manager, I’m tethered to my console so i don’t get as many steps in. So … 13 000 steps – not as high as an Assistant Stage Manager who constantly is running around backstage, but definitely higher than when I stage manage. Which is all to say, it was a lot of hats to wear for this one show and I was really touched that the director acknowledged that in front of everyone.

-We ate the peaches! The weather has been remarkably mild, so the thought of eating the peaches that I had canned last August didn’t occur to me. I often think I need to save them for the depths of winter. But last week, we decided that January was a fine time to eat the peaches. They were lovely and redolent of summer. Just opening up the jar and inhaling brought back summer days and sunshine.

– I have a co-worker, a conductor and pianist, who often comes into the rehearsal room in the morning to practice before rehearsal starts. Often I’m in there setting up and I like to listen to him practice. One time I made the offhand comment that I love how he plays Bach, so now he will always finish his session with a little bit of Bach if I’m in the room. What a wonderful privilege to be able to listen to him play as I bustle around in the quiet before a rehearsal, setting tables and chairs and refilling pencil cups. This is one of the joys of my job.

Grateful For:
– My work bestie, also good friend outside of work, who thinks of solutions that I can’t see, and who can do time math so effortlessly.
-Actually, all the people I work with. They are all so smart and good at their jobs and they make me laugh and remind me that what we do is as beautiful and thoughtful as it is sometimes ridiculous.
-The opportunity to work on such a cool set of short operas. I’d say “Buy tickets now!” but it’s already sold out.
-Music. I’ve been trying to listen to more music and this week, I’ve been listening to Baroque music as I run and contradance music as I work. I’m by no means a classical music expert, despite studying music, but fast baroque music is one of my favorite things in life. I found a Spotify play list called “Baroque workout” – doesn’t it seem like there is a playlist for everything? I’ve been using it for my runs and it’s been a great motivator. As for the contradance music – the Husband and I used to be big contradancers. We haven’t been in years, and I would love to go again, but I don’t think contradancing in a mask would be very pleasant, so we’ll wait for a bit. I happened to stumble across a contrandance playlist last week and listening to it reminded me of when the Husband and I met, and going to dances and the the swirling colours of the dance hall, and the toe-tappingly catchy music that just dares you to sit still. The playlist made me really happy.
-The Husband, as always, for holding down the fort. He is the reason I have clean clothes to wear and that the kids get dinner when I’m working. And even though I tell him to leave the kitchen for me to clean when I get home, it is almost always shining when I get home.

Looking forward to:
-Making bread. I had thought my sourdough starter was dead – I had been feeding it for almost two weeks with little result. This week, I gave it a little rye flour because I read that rye flour is extremely reactive. And lo and behold, the sad little starter has started to bubble again. I’m hoping that next week the starter will be in a place where I can make a loaf of bread.
-The five year old’s birthday! He has a Chuck E. Cheese party in a few weeks, so next week will just be us low key celebrating as a family with the tradition of his birthday cereal of choice, dinner of choice (he chose Ama’s chicken wings), and a small cake. Maybe I’ll venture to get him a balloon. And this time make it to Party City before closing.

Aspirations and weekend plans:
– Well, opening night. Probably a little bit of work to do in the afternoon to get ready for the show. It’s been an intense fast process and my calling score is a mess. So I have to go back and fix those Post-Its.
– morning basketball game for the 11 year old. Incidentally I kind of love this sign that hangs in the gym where the kids play basketball:

– skating lessons for the 5 year old.
– It’s Lunar New Year! My father is here visiting for the kids’ birthdays and coincidentally Lunar New Year. I always feel unprepared for Lunar New Year and then I vow to do better the next year, but then I forget. Luckily my father is here so he came up with a plan. We will go to Taiwanese breakfast and have dumplings for dinner and he will give the kids red envelopes. (And I’ve just taken two seconds to put a reminder in my calendar for Lunar New Year next year – February 10th, 2024 – so I’ll plan something. I’d love to have a dumpling party.)
– uncovering the bench in my bedroom that has become de facto clothes storage these past few weeks.
– picking up around the house, get the kids to tidy the toy room. (When I mentioned this task to her today, the 3 year old today asked me, “What’s the difference between ‘tidy’ and ‘clean’?” I guess, in my mind clean involves purging, and tidying involves just putting things back. Or pushing them aside so I can see the floor of the room again.)
-Outdoor time, probably a park or a nature ramble.

Something Thoughtful I’ve consumed lately:
A few weeks ago, in Emily Oster’s newsletter ParentData she wrote an essay “There’s No Secret Option C”, which I thought a really great way to frame decision making. Often when faced with a choice to make, I delay and dither, thinking that there is a perfect solution, just I haven’t thought of it yet, or this perfect solution just hasn’t presented itself to me yet. But, as Oster says, “There is no secret option C.” “In these complicated moments,” she writes, “we are often waiting for a secret third option. No matter how unlikely it is, how impossible, it’s hard not to imagine it.” But usually, there is no other option and delaying making a decision will only… delay things, often until you end up having not choice at all. (Which is another was to make a decision, but kind of a passive-aggressive way to go through life.) In a way it reminds me of what Oliver Burkeman says about recognizing the finite so that you do not getting bogged down by the infinite. It is not about the options to choose from, it is about choosing an option and moving forward with life knowing that the option isn’t perfect, but that you can deal with it.

What We Ate – There was no meal planning these past two weeks. The Husband actually cooked dinner all week. I admit I am a bit of a control freak about dinner, so it felt like I was majorly dropping the ball to have him fully take over dinner. But he made a pretty awesome week of dinners. And as much grief as I give him for being a meat and potatoes man, there were a lot of vegetables involved.

Saturday: Pizza and Catherine Called Birdy. We’ve been having pizza and movie night on Saturdays because of basketball practice. Catherine Called Birdy is based on the book by Karen Cushman, which I remember reading when I was a preteen. (Although I think I liked her Midwife’s Apprentice better.) The movie was a lot of fun, though I felt like it went in a different direction than the book.

Sunday: Leftover friend rice. As in fried rice made from leftovers from the fridge.

Monday: Cucumber salad and roasted poatotes. Funny story, the Husband likes recipes from the BBC Cooking website and this recipe was for Courgette salad. But the Husband bought cucumbers instead because he didn’t know what courgettes were. Which, I think actually ended up tasting better than squash would have.

Tuesday: Taco Cups. I wish I could find and link all the recipes that the Husband used because there were all really good. This one was probably my favorite. It involved lining muffin cups with flour tortillas, filling them with black beans and cheese and then baking til the tortillas were crispy and the cheese melted. I came home from work and promptly devoured all three that were leftover. And easy to eat with one hand too. Bonus.

Wednesday: Kung Pao Chicken and cake. This was the now-eleven year old’s birthday dinner request.

Thursday: Eggplant and Halloumi stacks. This sounded complicated. Fried eggplant slices, layered with Halloumi cheese. I think there was a sauce. It was delicious, clearly since there were no leftovers by the time I got home.

Friday: Sheet pan gnocchi. I actually cooked this one – Sheet pan gnocchi has become one of my favorite ways to use up veggies. In this case, carrots, mushrooms and broccoli, mixed with olive oil and pesto. And the meal comes together in about thirty minutes.

Saturday: Pizza and sleepover night. And Indian Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. This was our first Indiana Jones movie as a family. I’d forgotten how funny they were. Even the fight scenes – they all have this impish air about them. The five year old had this observation: “A good way to save someone is to shoot the driver of the truck.” I’d say that’s a pretty accurate takeaway. Also: “Indiana Jones knows lots of tricks!”
All the Indiana Jones movies are now on Amazon Prime, so I feel like they will be in our near future.

Sunday: Take out Chinese.

Monday: Vegetable omlettes. Due to a spousal miscommunication in advance of the now-eleven year old’s sleepover, both the Husband and I bought two dozen eggs that morning. Which makes four dozen eggs, in addition to the dozen adn a half we already had at home. So now we have a lot of eggs to use up.

Tuesday: Migas, – This was tasty even eaten cold straight out of the pan three hours later.

Wednesday: Carrot Parsnip Soup. I actually prepped this one for the Husband. I did all the initial steps in the InstantPot and then set it to cook. When the Husband got home, he pureed the soup in the Vitamix and then served it.

Thursday: Egg bake with potatoes and mushrooms. Also delicious cold eaten out of the pan four hours later. I was told, however, that the three year old carefully picked all the mushroom and onions out of this.

Friday: Breakfast sandwiches eaten with grapes. Fast meal for a basketball practice day.

Weekly Recap + What we ate: Cold, Sick, and Social

I think the chill has finally come to stay. This week was cold and little rainy. I’ve started making hot chocolate for the kids to sip after school, with one big marshmallow floating in their cup. No big adventures this week, and the week was also kind of “meh” for getting things done, but there was lots of time with friends, which fills lots of my buckets too.

Monday the Husband took the day off and we took the Metro into DC to see a movie. We saw a 9:50am showing of The Woman King. There is something really fun about seeing a morning movie and being the only people in the theatre. The movie itself was entertaining, though a little more violent than I liked.

Afterwards, we had dumplings and noodles at a restaurant that we used to go to all the time when we lived in DC – they make their own noodles and if you come at the right time, you can see the chef in the window pulling, stretching, and cutting the dough – it’s actually quite neat. I had duck noodle soup. Noodle soup needs to go on my list of cozy things!

plus… all my favorite condiments – pickled garlic, scallion ginger sauce, and chili flakes in oil.

Afterwards we decided to walk the mile or so to Union Station because there is a Blue Bottle Coffee there and we can also catch the Metro home from there. Union Station is special to us because that is where the Husband proposed and where he bought my wedding ring. It’s a little sad to see that a lot of the shops have closed there – it used to have a whole level of nice shopping, but now all the storefronts are empty, including the jewelers where that wedding ring was purchased.

That afternoon, my friend invited us over so the kids could jump on their trampoline. After I picked up the five year old from the bus, I headed over. The Husband followed with the other two kids and also brought beer and made a charcuterie plate and we had happy hour from 4:30p- 5:45p. It was such a nice afternoon visit and we agreed we should do this more.

It’s been a surprisingly Social Week. Aside from impromptu happy hour, I also had a planned happy hour with some moms from my mom’s group. The temperatures were in the mid thirties, but at the bar we went to we snagged a table with a firepit so we were able to sit outside without been too uncomfortable. I didn’t realize how much warmth the fire pit threw off until we got up to leave and I was shivering all the way to the car. It was nice to catch up with friends and talk about life, work, and family.

Then Friday I went over to my friend’s house for a lunch walk and date. We went on a walk and met a very friendly cat who rubbed against us for petting and then lept to the top of a chicken coop and basked in the sun.

We found our way to one of those restaurants that are perfectly curated to look imperfect, with exposed brick, crumbling plaster and mismatched china (see above). Also a beautiful mural across the outside wall. The food was amazing, though – my friend and I split friend green tomatoes, a vegan pot pie (soooooo good! huge fluffy biscuit, smoky mushrooms, edamame, potatoes, carrots, oatmilk béchamel.) and also a chocolate terrine. I also had a Virgin Bloody Mary which was spicy and tangy and came with two olives and a cherry pepper. I don’t love going out to eat because I find the food often to be unexceptional, but I would go back to this place.

The definite low point of the week was when the two older kids were home sick. It was the kind of thing where the five year old had a fever the night before but was fine the next morning, and the ten year old threw up about an hour before she was to go to school. On the one hand, they seemed fine by the time it was actually time to go to school, but I thought I’d be cautious and keep them home. I come from a tradition of “perfect attendance” and “always go to school” so this was a bit of a mind shift for me – the thought that a day at home was okay and might actually be a good thing. I told the kids they had to stay in their rooms and rest until lunchtime at least and the ten year old got out the “sick bell”, the bell that we give sick kids so they can summon a parent if they need.

Everyone was up and restless well before noon. There might have been some scootering inside. There might have been some scootering that ran over my foot which resulted in some yelling and me locking myself in my room for twenty minutes. Then I emerged and decided that they were all well enough to go on a walk, so we went for a cold walk to the park, played for fifteen minutes and then came home. There was some tv and some hot chocolate and I felt like a better person for those indulgences. (I did make the kids watch the cartoons in French, though. I feel like I have a lot of feelings about tv and kids that I need to unpack and work through.)

Grateful for This Week:
– A friend who invites us over to bounce on their trampoline, sends me coupon codes for period underwear, and picks up groceries for me when I’m home with sick kids.
– Having good rain gear.
– The Husband cleaning the frost off my car while I sipped my tea inside. The first car frost of the year!
– The Metro so we don’t have to drive downtown.

Weekend plans and aspirations:
– Clean/ pick up/ tidy since the cleaners are coming on Monday. This will inevitably take more time than I want, but I will play music and dance and hopefully involve minimal yelling.
– Two birthday parties for the baby to attend, both outside park parties. We will bundle well.
– Dinner out with friends tonight
– Write Christmas Letter
-Meal Plan.

Looking Forward To:
– Thanksgiving? Maybe? I haven’t planned anything yet. There will be pie. Everything else I’m a little agnostic about. There has been talk about duck, which might be a fun adventure.
– Hallmark Holiday Movies! We subscribe to a hodge-podge of streaming services… mostly ones that that are “free” with something else. We also are currently subscribed to Peacock so the Husband can watch football and basketball these next few months. Anyhow I just learned that the Hallmark Holiday movies will be on Peacock. So excited!
-Parent Teacher Conference for the ten year old. She’s been so much happier at her new school so I’m excited to talk to her new teacher, who I think is fantastic.

Recipe of the Week: I made Chocolate Banana Muffins from Rise and Run by Shalane Flanagan and Elyse Kopecky who wrote Run Fast. Eat Slow. They turned out great – they were tender and not too sweet, and used oat flour and almond meal instead of regular flour, and bananas and honey instead of white sugar, so I can pretend it’s healthy. No link, but I highly recommend their cookbooks.

Something that made me think this week:
I love the website Grown and Flown because it has a lot of parenting articles for older kids. This week, there was this article “Parents Regret Doing or Not Doing these Ten Things.” Anything with the word “regret” is click-bait for me – I’m always fascinated by lessons learned and attempts to do better. On the other hand I do feel like regret in and of itself is a useless emotion because the world is so full of variables and unpredictability that one can never really say for sure if things would have been better one way or the other. At any rate, I thought there was a lot for me to ponder and digest in this article. #2 “Use Your Words Carefully” particularly hit close to home, especially this parent comment:
“Understand how vulnerable to your comments your children are and how much damage you can create while thinking that you’re just helping.”
I think this goes back to my struggle to parent without judgement. It’s not about not having opinions, but really about how those opinions are expressed. And when.

One thing that made me sad: I read last night about the passing of composer Ned Rorem. When I was in college I sang several of his songs and I’ve always loved his music. Here is one of my favorite songs to sing: “Early in the Morning”. The poem is by Robert Hillyer and tells of a young person in Paris, in love, and the song is so simple in the memory it recalls .. because when you are in Paris and in love, life can be very simple. This video features the very talented tenor Nicholas Phan. I’ve never worked with him but I’ve always loved how he sings arts songs. His rendition of this song isn’t buried in regret like some interpretations that I’ve heard.

Nicholas Phan, tenor and Kuang-Hao Huan, piano

What We Ate: I’ve gotten out of the habit of meal planning and then doing one big grocery shop, but even still I thought this was a pretty good week of dinners for having to scrounge from the pantry and fridge.

Saturday: I was at work, but I’m pretty sure people just loaded up on apps from the bowling birthday party they were at.

Sunday: Smashburgers, Shrimp, and Ricotta Toast at Landmade Brewery after our shortened hike.

Monday: Breakfast sandwiches.

Tuesday: Instant Pot White Beans with Spicy Potatoes. I just got Jenny Rosenstarch’s newest cookbook Weekday Vegetarian from the library and am excited to cook from it. The recipe said to top the beans with pesto, but I wanted this to be our vegan meal, so I made a thrifty vegan pesto with garlic, cashews, olive oil, and leftover basil, cilantro, and parsley that was kind of just wilting in the vegetable drawer. I’m always excited when I can salvage sad veggie drawer contents into something tasty.

Wednesday: Pesto pasta with marinated beans, also from Weekday Vegetarian. I had so much pesto leftover from Tuesday that this meal was easy to mix up. The marinated beans are my new favorite thing – two cans of cannellini beans marinated in red wine vinegar, olive oil, dried Italian Herb Mix (the recipe called for fresh, but I didn’t have any), and garlic. Kae wrote a post this week on a meal hack of just eating protein, and that inspired me to eat the leftover marinated beans all week for lunch the rest of the week, and it was such an easy tasty no-brainer way to eat something filling.

Thursday: I had Truffle Fries and Buffalo Cauliflower nuggets at Happy Hour. The Husband made stir fry with some chicken and bok choy that had to be used up, adding some broccoli to the mix. Bok choy is a hard sell with the little kids.

Friday: Pizza (Husband made) and movie – Men In Black, which I don’t think I’d ever seen. I remember seeing the second one – I was working summer stock theatre at an operetta company in Ohio and the set designer used to work at a movie theatre so he worked something out where the entire company went over one evening and watched Men In Black II and I remember thinking it was so decadent to be able to have the entire movie theatre to ourselves. Anyhow… Men in Black, the first one – very funny though the little kids didn’t quite know whether to be scared or not. Also – Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones of the 90s – how fun are they to watch on screen? I know they both do pretty serious dramas now, but there is such a beautiful effortless ease to their comedies.

Weekly Recap + what we ate: Realizing Challenges

My middle child turned five last weekend. What the what?!?

But… that also meant that he was eligible for his first COVID vaccine shot. Hooray! We had it done at the pediatrician’s office when he got his annual check up.

This Hamilton fan is not throwing away his shot!

He wanted a “rainbow cake”. We made him a cake from my mother in law’s recipe box and spent the week prior, sorting a Costco size tub of m&ms by colour so that we could make a rainbow on his cake. They don’t make purple m&ms which I explained to my son, and he seemed fine with it.

It’s hard to believe that this sweet, funny, thoughtful little guy is five and will be going to kindergarten this fall.

This week was another four day week for the ten year old because Monday was off. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to go to the Rec Center and play ping pong so we did. I always get a kick out of playing ping pong at the rec center because the ten year old and I are not terribly good at it, and there are always a couple of senior citizens on the tables next to us who are really good and just killing it. While the ten year old and I are running all over the place to bat the ball, the seniors plant themselves in one place and their arms go back and forth unerringly accurate and very rarely missing a ball. There is a metronomic click to their playing that is so clean and soothing.

Mid week the temperatures were in the low 40s so I was determined to find another selfie stand and check off some more of the 1000 hours. I found the selfie stand on a hike by a pond near one of the nature centers. We took our picture then set off on one of the many surrounding trails.

The trail we took led us to a lake that was mostly frozen. The baby loved throwing sticks and rocks into the lake, though she was a little mystified as to why the rocks just bounced and didn’t go splash. The she got annoyed and tried to order me to go out on the ice and retrieve her rocks so she could try again. I refused. There was a bit of a tantrum, then I distracted her with a nice fallen tree to climb.

Towards the end of the week, we went for a walk at the Botanical Gardens. I hadn’t been there in a while, certainly not yet this winter. I feel so grateful that these gardens are here and I can see them through all seasons. I loved this sign below: “Bulbs planted/ Please stay on walk.” I’ve been reading Katherine May’s Wintering, and I’m coming to embrace the idea of things (and people) needing time to lay in wait and prepare for the next thing, undisturbed. I feel like we need signs for ourselves to tell people when they need to give us space for our bulbs to prepare for Spring.

Bizarre, though probably entirely natural thing this week: I had a moment driving home one day this week when I looked down the road and there was a patch of sky that was this dark fluid patch, swirling above the telephone lines. I was so intrigued that I drove down the road to see what it was. It was birds, hundreds and hundreds of little birds moving en masse, swooping into the air and then landing on the telephone wires. All lined up on that wire, the birds looked for all the world like a page out of some Philip Glass score – uniform stemless quarter notes. I’d never seen so many birds grouped together like that, swirling up then down, making such a chirping racket. Eventually, they seemed to collectively decide it was time to move on and the whole lot off them took off like a cloud of black dots and few down the road. Having seen Hitchcock’s The Birds, there is something terrifying to me about a large group of birds. At the same time, the part of me that finds large group choreography mesmerizing, was just awe-struck by these birds and the aerial dance they were performing.

I’ve been flirting with various “challenges” this month. The 64 Million Artists January Challenge has been fun. Though I haven’t been great about doing every day, or posting the results, I’ve bookmarked a lot of the challenges to do later when I have more time. Having a creative prompt every day was a great way to pause and think about things outside of my tunnel.

I also did a “Less Phone More Life” challenge, where for a week I was sent strategies to spend, as it says, less time on my phone. It is not lost on me that there is something ironic about a online based challenge to spend less time on your phone. In the end, I did indeed spend about 25% less time on my phone from the week before – I was at about 3.5 hrs a day on average, down from 5.75 hours a day. The two big tips that I found helpful was moving all the apps off my home screen and turning off, or rather batching, my notifications. I’ve definitely found ways to work around these phone time roadblocks, but when it’s four steps to open my text messages instead of one, I’m more conscious of what I’m doing.

Two other takeaways from my “Less Phone” challenge:
1) Even though my daily average was down 25% over the week, I didn’t feel like I spent any less time on my phone. I felt like I still used my phone a lot – I read books, had very long text conversations with my mom’s group, surfed the internet, participated in online commenting forums, researched things, payed bills, used the GPS… These things didn’t change. I think the difference, that 25% is the time that I used to spend mindlessly on the phone. those pockets of phone time that I can’t remember afterwards. Like when I just pull out the phone when I’m between tasks, or “check creep” from checking the weather. Speaking of “check creep”- since I batched my notifications, I wasn’t checking my phone every time a new message came in, and I discovered that the weather was indeed the new gateway app to mindless scrolling. I’m not sure I’m concerned about this enough to find alternative weather sources, though.
2) My other big takeaway was realizing that the way I communicated via text, I was likely creating a sense of urgency for other people to check their phones too; not only was I contributing to my own constant phone usage, but I was also part of the problem for other people . Not that I’m responsible for the behavior of others, but when I send a message via text, I think it just feels more urgent and demands a response.
Sometimes at work, this is just how we communicate because we can’t always step away to answer the phone or we’re involved in a very quiet situation and the person across the room can’t get up to ask a question. Texting among my stage management team becomes a form of dialogue. But texting doesn’t always have to have that sense of immediacy. I’m not sure what I can do to foster a more relaxed response instinct, but I realized that just responding to a notification is for me a gateway to phone use, in the same way activating a conversation creates a gateway for the message recipient. Not to foist my screen time aspirations on others, but I don’t really want to contribute to a culture where attention getting requires immediate action. So I’ve been thinking that on a large scale, phone use is not just the result of how we react to inputs; we also need to be aware of our outputs and how they might affect other people.

Another challenge I set for myself was to write one positive thing about each person in my family every day. I was realizing that some days I get mired in the things that my kids (and okay, the Husband) do that drive me nuts and want to scream, and I was forgetting to see them for the wonderful people they really are, particularly with my oldest. This column from Carolyn Hax last December hit particularly close to home – the letter writer asks for help dealing with the fact that they are finding it harder to show affection for their snarky teenager whereas their younger child is still a lot of fun. I feel this acutely some days – those days when the baby is delightful, but the ten year old is mouthy and obstinate. Okay, the baby is obstinate all the time too, but I don’t really expect her to know better so I find it less energy sapping. I’ve come to the realization that I’m a much better baby parent than big kid parent. Which is unfortunate because the big kids are the ones that are around much longer and need the most support.

Anyhow Hax’s advises the letter writer to really look for and appreciate the person their kid is becoming. “The surly stuff isn’t everything,” she write, “There’s an interesting person developing in there. The cute-caterpillar stage was always going to be temporary. Make it your mission right now to be the person who sees the first vague outlines of the butterfly, and delights in them.”

When I read the column, I realized that I was finding it really hard to see the forest my kids were for the trees that I wanted them to be. So I took an empty notebook and decided that every day I was going to write one positive sentence about each kid. It’s been a good exercise for me, especially seeing what positive things I find tread a line between my expectations and their character. Like “Helped get her sister dressed for the day.” vs. “Said something nice to a classmate who was feeling sad.” I’m realizing I need to uncouple my ideals from who my kids are or I’ll never be able to see the latter.

What We Ate – for whatever reason I didn’t meal plan this week, so it was a lot of meals from our pantry/fridge. Which wasn’t terrible, but I find it more mentally stressful than I would like.

Saturday: Hotdogs, bagged Caesar Salad. The five year old’s birthday dinner request.

Sunday: Leftovers and birthday cake.

Monday: Pork Tostadas from Mexico: The Cookbook, that the Husband borrowed from the library. The ten year old more or less cooked dinner with much supervision.

Tuesday: Green Bean and Tofu Stir Fry.

Wednesday: Tortellini (from frozen) with red sauce. One of our standard desperation dinners.

Thursday: Cheese soufflé, roasted potatoes and Irish soda bread. We weren’t really great about meal planning this week, and I thought this wasn’t bad for a “What’s in the pantry?” meal. I originally was just going to make a frittata, but then saw a recipe for soufflé in the Moosewood cookbook and thought, “Why not?” Soufflé has a certain mystique about it for me – I always think of that scene in the movie Sabrina where Audrey Hepburn fails at making a soufflé for her French cooking class. “A woman happily in love, she burns the soufflé,” a wise fellow student says to her, “A woman unhappily in love, she forgets to turn on the oven.” At any rate – it turns out it wasn’t difficult and my soufflé rose beautifully. It’s a good way to stretch six eggs to feed eight people, but I can’t say that I liked it better than a quiche or a frittata.

Friday: Pizza and Looney Tunes, Snoopy and Hello, Jack. It was the newly five year old’s turn to pick the move.

One!

A year ago this week, at 6am on a Monday morning, the Husband and I walked the three blocks to the hospital and checked in to Labor and Delivery. It was my due date, and given that I had to be at work five days later, I thought it best to induce rather than wait it out. Six hours later, we had a new little one in our lives.

That little baby is now one. She has spent about half her life in quarantine, but she doesn’t know that. Her life, her world, is encompassed by all that is around her. And in that, she finds plenty to explore.

Her belly button alone is proving to be a great source of fascination to her. A few weeks ago, we were sitting on her bed, she was just in a diaper, and somehow she managed to poke herself in the belly button, her little finger tip going into the little divot. And then, kind of like sunshine, this look of awareness came over her face, and she giggled. And did it again. Since then, whenever she is hanging out without a shirt on, she will give her belly button a little poke, as if to say, “Yep, still there!”

She is a determined child, curious and up for any challenges. Her love for pulling the dirt out of the Husband’s potted plants, and for emptying all the kitchen drawers that she can reach certainly leaves a trail of debris in her wake.

She loves to be held, observing the world from up high, with this slightly judgy pucker to her lips and brow, or craning her neck to get a better view of whatever else is going on around her. Usually it is some antic that her siblings are pulling. They make her laugh, her sister and brother. Sometimes by accident, often intentionally. “Make the baby laugh” is a much enjoyed pastime around here.

People often ask me, “What is it like with three kids?” And, to be honest, one year in, I don’t think it is much different than having two. Not because my kids are magically easy, by any means. Rather it is because most days I feel like I only have the bandwidth to keep track of two children at any given moment. In the early days of three, it was usually the two year old and either the baby or the eight year old, depending on who was hungry and who was asleep.

That balance has somewhat shifted these days. Usually it is the mobile, dare-devil, no sense of fear baby that requires the most attention, and either the self sufficient now three year old or the independent eight year old that float in and out of my attention span. Either way, I only have a finite number of hours in my day and three children fill the day just as full as two children. There are moments (days, weeks, months, lifetimes, I’m sure) when I feel as if no one is getting what they need, least of all the Husband or myself. But then I realize that someone will always be needing something. Need is infinite. But you know what, so is love.

Tough Monday

Yesterday was hard. I was trying to get the kids out for a walk before a 10am online camp for the 8 year old. There was much resistance from the 3 year old who didn’t want to go but also didn’t want to be left behind. There was probably a good deal of exasperation, cajoling, and yelling on my part. Finally, when we were literally half way out the door, the 3 year old desperately wanted his hat. So I locked the stroller on the steps and turned back inside to get it.

Only to see out of the corner of my eye as the stroller slowly rolled off the back steps, tilt backwards and crash down the three steps, landing on it’s back with the baby still buckled in. It was horrifying. And scary. And there was screaming and crying from everyone – baby, 3 year old, me.

We didn’t get out on our much needed walk after all.

The baby was fine. She has a doozy of a scratch on her head. But she nursed and we called the pediatrician and they told us what to look out for and gave us some good reassurances. Basically if baby vomitted more than once and was lethargic, we should call back. Also if “she just doesn’t seem like herself.”

There is something reassuring in this last directive – it reminds me that ultimately we as parents have to learn to know our child and trust our instincts about them.

The baby is fine. She is back to being her happy exploratory self. A little clingy and needy, but that is who she is at this stage.

The stroller is also fine. I was really worried that it wouldn’t be fine. This is actually the second time I’ve had it go down some steps. The first time, when the eight year old was a baby, there was no one in it and the frame broke. But the folks at UppaBaby were able to fix it up. Our eight year old stroller, bought as a steeply discounted floor model, continues to be a workhorse for our family.

And then the rest of the day happened. The eight year old went to online camp, the three year old ran feral. I fell asleep, sewed some masks, made dinner while the Husband watched the kids. The rains started. We got dinner on the table early, the kids helped Husband clean up, and we had time to play UNO before bedtime.

So then in the end it was a pretty ok day. I read somewhere that all that matters about a book is how the last chapter makes you feel. I guess some days are like that too. Funny how at 9:30am the day was the worst day ever. And by 9:30pm the kids were in bed, and it was a pretty good day.

Where the Wild Things Are

Our dog eared copy of the beloved classic.

That very night in Max’s room a forest grew and grew – and grew until his ceiling hung with vines and the walls became the world all around and an ocean tumbled by with a private boat for Max and sailed off through night and day and in and out of weeks and almost over a year to where the wild things are. – from Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

I feel as if suddenly it’s spring. Not just spring, but late spring, verging on summer. Somehow we missed spring, while sitting at home during a pandemic. The cherry blossoms (which are always an indicator here) peaked at the beginning of the stay at home orders. Usually the cherry blossoms are time marker for me, but this year, it was a blip, barely registering.

My cousin Karen has been writing daily on Facebook, each post labelled with the day number. I think if it were not for her posts and for the daily posts of other blogs I read, I would have absolutely no sense of what day it is or how deep into stay-at-home orders we are. When I’m working, the rhythm of time is pretty much defined by when in the process we are (ie. prep, rehearsal, tech, or performance) and when the next free day is. Without those markers, time seems to be particularly slippery.

Several years ago, when the eight year old was a baby, there was a knock on our door and it was our across the street neighbor with two shopping bags full of book they had our grown. In that pile was a well worn copy of Maurice Sendaks Where the Wild Things Are. These days, the three year old has been really into reading Sendaks classic are at bedtime, there is something beautifully apt about Max’s story – how our walls are now our “world all around” as we sail “in and out of weeks.” I feel as if we are living with a pack of feral creatures who root in the pantry and fridge for food when the whim strikes, leaving mess and havoc in their wake.

To be sure, part of this is my own fault – perhaps I should not have left the three year old alone with a spray bottle, two cups of water, and some water colour paints. My hopes that he would docilely create art while I showered were laughably naive. I emerged from the shower to shouts from the 8 year old trying to contain the mess, and a rainbow of water spread on the floor, while the three year old stood on his chair, the spray bottle topless and empty. There are definitely terrible eyes being rolled and terrible roars and terrible teeth being gnashed. Sometime they are mine.

Unlike Max, I have no tricks to tame the beasts. Though come to think of it, his trick seems mainly to embrace the wild rumpus, even to instigate it. Maybe I should try more of that. Perhaps that is what we can learn from the little boy in the wolf suit. That at the end of the day, once we have exhausted ourselves rumpus-ing, we just want to be where someone loves us best of all. And where dinner is hot.