Life Off Headset

Weekly Recap + What we ate: Cold, Sick, and Social

I think the chill has finally come to stay. This week was cold and little rainy. I’ve started making hot chocolate for the kids to sip after school, with one big marshmallow floating in their cup. No big adventures this week, and the week was also kind of “meh” for getting things done, but there was lots of time with friends, which fills lots of my buckets too.

Monday the Husband took the day off and we took the Metro into DC to see a movie. We saw a 9:50am showing of The Woman King. There is something really fun about seeing a morning movie and being the only people in the theatre. The movie itself was entertaining, though a little more violent than I liked.

Afterwards, we had dumplings and noodles at a restaurant that we used to go to all the time when we lived in DC – they make their own noodles and if you come at the right time, you can see the chef in the window pulling, stretching, and cutting the dough – it’s actually quite neat. I had duck noodle soup. Noodle soup needs to go on my list of cozy things!

plus… all my favorite condiments – pickled garlic, scallion ginger sauce, and chili flakes in oil.

Afterwards we decided to walk the mile or so to Union Station because there is a Blue Bottle Coffee there and we can also catch the Metro home from there. Union Station is special to us because that is where the Husband proposed and where he bought my wedding ring. It’s a little sad to see that a lot of the shops have closed there – it used to have a whole level of nice shopping, but now all the storefronts are empty, including the jewelers where that wedding ring was purchased.

That afternoon, my friend invited us over so the kids could jump on their trampoline. After I picked up the five year old from the bus, I headed over. The Husband followed with the other two kids and also brought beer and made a charcuterie plate and we had happy hour from 4:30p- 5:45p. It was such a nice afternoon visit and we agreed we should do this more.

It’s been a surprisingly Social Week. Aside from impromptu happy hour, I also had a planned happy hour with some moms from my mom’s group. The temperatures were in the mid thirties, but at the bar we went to we snagged a table with a firepit so we were able to sit outside without been too uncomfortable. I didn’t realize how much warmth the fire pit threw off until we got up to leave and I was shivering all the way to the car. It was nice to catch up with friends and talk about life, work, and family.

Then Friday I went over to my friend’s house for a lunch walk and date. We went on a walk and met a very friendly cat who rubbed against us for petting and then lept to the top of a chicken coop and basked in the sun.

We found our way to one of those restaurants that are perfectly curated to look imperfect, with exposed brick, crumbling plaster and mismatched china (see above). Also a beautiful mural across the outside wall. The food was amazing, though – my friend and I split friend green tomatoes, a vegan pot pie (soooooo good! huge fluffy biscuit, smoky mushrooms, edamame, potatoes, carrots, oatmilk béchamel.) and also a chocolate terrine. I also had a Virgin Bloody Mary which was spicy and tangy and came with two olives and a cherry pepper. I don’t love going out to eat because I find the food often to be unexceptional, but I would go back to this place.

The definite low point of the week was when the two older kids were home sick. It was the kind of thing where the five year old had a fever the night before but was fine the next morning, and the ten year old threw up about an hour before she was to go to school. On the one hand, they seemed fine by the time it was actually time to go to school, but I thought I’d be cautious and keep them home. I come from a tradition of “perfect attendance” and “always go to school” so this was a bit of a mind shift for me – the thought that a day at home was okay and might actually be a good thing. I told the kids they had to stay in their rooms and rest until lunchtime at least and the ten year old got out the “sick bell”, the bell that we give sick kids so they can summon a parent if they need.

Everyone was up and restless well before noon. There might have been some scootering inside. There might have been some scootering that ran over my foot which resulted in some yelling and me locking myself in my room for twenty minutes. Then I emerged and decided that they were all well enough to go on a walk, so we went for a cold walk to the park, played for fifteen minutes and then came home. There was some tv and some hot chocolate and I felt like a better person for those indulgences. (I did make the kids watch the cartoons in French, though. I feel like I have a lot of feelings about tv and kids that I need to unpack and work through.)

Grateful for This Week:
– A friend who invites us over to bounce on their trampoline, sends me coupon codes for period underwear, and picks up groceries for me when I’m home with sick kids.
– Having good rain gear.
– The Husband cleaning the frost off my car while I sipped my tea inside. The first car frost of the year!
– The Metro so we don’t have to drive downtown.

Weekend plans and aspirations:
– Clean/ pick up/ tidy since the cleaners are coming on Monday. This will inevitably take more time than I want, but I will play music and dance and hopefully involve minimal yelling.
– Two birthday parties for the baby to attend, both outside park parties. We will bundle well.
– Dinner out with friends tonight
– Write Christmas Letter
-Meal Plan.

Looking Forward To:
– Thanksgiving? Maybe? I haven’t planned anything yet. There will be pie. Everything else I’m a little agnostic about. There has been talk about duck, which might be a fun adventure.
– Hallmark Holiday Movies! We subscribe to a hodge-podge of streaming services… mostly ones that that are “free” with something else. We also are currently subscribed to Peacock so the Husband can watch football and basketball these next few months. Anyhow I just learned that the Hallmark Holiday movies will be on Peacock. So excited!
-Parent Teacher Conference for the ten year old. She’s been so much happier at her new school so I’m excited to talk to her new teacher, who I think is fantastic.

Recipe of the Week: I made Chocolate Banana Muffins from Rise and Run by Shalane Flanagan and Elyse Kopecky who wrote Run Fast. Eat Slow. They turned out great – they were tender and not too sweet, and used oat flour and almond meal instead of regular flour, and bananas and honey instead of white sugar, so I can pretend it’s healthy. No link, but I highly recommend their cookbooks.

Something that made me think this week:
I love the website Grown and Flown because it has a lot of parenting articles for older kids. This week, there was this article “Parents Regret Doing or Not Doing these Ten Things.” Anything with the word “regret” is click-bait for me – I’m always fascinated by lessons learned and attempts to do better. On the other hand I do feel like regret in and of itself is a useless emotion because the world is so full of variables and unpredictability that one can never really say for sure if things would have been better one way or the other. At any rate, I thought there was a lot for me to ponder and digest in this article. #2 “Use Your Words Carefully” particularly hit close to home, especially this parent comment:
“Understand how vulnerable to your comments your children are and how much damage you can create while thinking that you’re just helping.”
I think this goes back to my struggle to parent without judgement. It’s not about not having opinions, but really about how those opinions are expressed. And when.

One thing that made me sad: I read last night about the passing of composer Ned Rorem. When I was in college I sang several of his songs and I’ve always loved his music. Here is one of my favorite songs to sing: “Early in the Morning”. The poem is by Robert Hillyer and tells of a young person in Paris, in love, and the song is so simple in the memory it recalls .. because when you are in Paris and in love, life can be very simple. This video features the very talented tenor Nicholas Phan. I’ve never worked with him but I’ve always loved how he sings arts songs. His rendition of this song isn’t buried in regret like some interpretations that I’ve heard.

Nicholas Phan, tenor and Kuang-Hao Huan, piano

What We Ate: I’ve gotten out of the habit of meal planning and then doing one big grocery shop, but even still I thought this was a pretty good week of dinners for having to scrounge from the pantry and fridge.

Saturday: I was at work, but I’m pretty sure people just loaded up on apps from the bowling birthday party they were at.

Sunday: Smashburgers, Shrimp, and Ricotta Toast at Landmade Brewery after our shortened hike.

Monday: Breakfast sandwiches.

Tuesday: Instant Pot White Beans with Spicy Potatoes. I just got Jenny Rosenstarch’s newest cookbook Weekday Vegetarian from the library and am excited to cook from it. The recipe said to top the beans with pesto, but I wanted this to be our vegan meal, so I made a thrifty vegan pesto with garlic, cashews, olive oil, and leftover basil, cilantro, and parsley that was kind of just wilting in the vegetable drawer. I’m always excited when I can salvage sad veggie drawer contents into something tasty.

Wednesday: Pesto pasta with marinated beans, also from Weekday Vegetarian. I had so much pesto leftover from Tuesday that this meal was easy to mix up. The marinated beans are my new favorite thing – two cans of cannellini beans marinated in red wine vinegar, olive oil, dried Italian Herb Mix (the recipe called for fresh, but I didn’t have any), and garlic. Kae wrote a post this week on a meal hack of just eating protein, and that inspired me to eat the leftover marinated beans all week for lunch the rest of the week, and it was such an easy tasty no-brainer way to eat something filling.

Thursday: I had Truffle Fries and Buffalo Cauliflower nuggets at Happy Hour. The Husband made stir fry with some chicken and bok choy that had to be used up, adding some broccoli to the mix. Bok choy is a hard sell with the little kids.

Friday: Pizza (Husband made) and movie – Men In Black, which I don’t think I’d ever seen. I remember seeing the second one – I was working summer stock theatre at an operetta company in Ohio and the set designer used to work at a movie theatre so he worked something out where the entire company went over one evening and watched Men In Black II and I remember thinking it was so decadent to be able to have the entire movie theatre to ourselves. Anyhow… Men in Black, the first one – very funny though the little kids didn’t quite know whether to be scared or not. Also – Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones of the 90s – how fun are they to watch on screen? I know they both do pretty serious dramas now, but there is such a beautiful effortless ease to their comedies.

Musings on Things in Translation

The five year old, I think I’ve mentioned, is in a French immersion program at school. The teacher does not speak English to the children at all, and all the signage, and lessons, and what not are in French. Their specials are in English, but otherwise it’s full immersion. It’s been really interesting to see what bits of language he comes home with. They have learned numbers and and letters and colours. “Red” is “rouge”, as it should be, but “blue” is … “blue”, the difference between “blue” and “bleu” subtle enough not to register with him, especially when spoken. Interesting too, is when he comes home and asks me what certain phrases mean. Of course, to him, they are not separate words, but just a long string of syllables.

“What is ‘luvaylama’?” he asked me the other day.

“I’m not quite sure,” I say. And I ask him to say it more slowly. After several times, I finally get it: “Levez la main.” Raise your hand. I’m not a linguistic researcher, but I do find it fascinating that our brains must at some point learn to break down strings of syllables into separate components. When the baby was younger, I enrolled her in all sorts of language studies at the University, and one of them centered around when children started to differentiate forms of speech. They would play videos of various nonsense syllables and at some point, apparently, kids, even though they don’t know what a word specifically means, will recognize if something is an action word or a “thing” word.

And then there is the wonder of seeing how the five year old’s brain comes to understand things based on context.

Last week, he asks me, “Does ‘Pas maintenent’ mean ‘I don’t want to answer that question?'”

“Pas maintenant“, literally means “not now“, but in a way, the five year old’s understanding, if not literally correct, probably captured the spirit of the way he heard it. And in his interpretation, I could suddenly see clearly how the teacher might have used that phrase – I could picture her trying to get twenty-five kindergarteners to line up for lunch and one child trying doggedly to ask something, and the teacher telling that child, “Pas maintenant!”

Seeing the little guy grapple with language and puzzle it out in his brain really hits home the idea that language doesn’t operate in a vacuum.

Switching gears – Four Haikus for Thursday:

Chaotic morning
Multitasking results in
Scraping off burnt toast.

The hours are long
from 4pm til lights out,
Interminable.

This sick day, restful.
The invalid now restless
Clearly recovered.

The view was lovely
And briefly seen. Shivering.
Should have worn more clothes.

A view from our verrrry cold hike attempt.

Goals and Aspirations – Fall review and now til 2023

I thought I might review how I did on my Fall Goals and Aspirations before diving into goals and aspirations for the rest of the year:

Hallowe’en Costumes – done and I was quite happy with the results. The two littles had their store bought Star Wars Costumes, and we made the ten year old her iPod costumes (which is now in the recycling bin…). I did not make myself a costume for backstage. I had thought about going as RBG, but then I felt super self-conscious about it so abandoned the idea.

Jack o’ Lanterns – did not do this. Oh well. I’m a little sad, but with me working most nights up til Hallowe’en and us not having trick or treaters, it just didn’t seem like a priority this year.

Attic Clean Out – Nope. But I did get rid of the Cardboard UPS truck and bundle a bunch of baby clothes to be given away. So incremental progress on ridding the house of stuff.

Apple Picking – Nope. But we did buy lots and lots of apples from the farm stand, and we made apple pie and apple sauce. Which is where it’s at for me, really.

Fall Camping – yay! Did manage an overnight to Lake Burke. I’m so glad I managed to squeeze this one in.

Hiking in Fall Colour – I hiked the Billy Goat Trail with my friend. I did a few small woodsy walks throughout the Fall.

Celebrate the Baby’s Birthday – just a small family celebration. But there was cake, and a sombrero and free ice cream.

Go to the Theatre – Yes! We saw Hamilton in September, and we also had a family trip to the opera, and saw a small show by a local Children’s Theatre in October.

Survive Tech Week – The show I was working on was a nice small opera – only 110 minutes long, no big chorus scenes, only one set look. This definitely contributed to one of the most balanced tech weeks I’ve had in a long time. I got to run, I packed healthy lunches (to offset the massive amounts of Sour Patch Kids that I consumed), and I even read a book while lightwalking. Not sure if The Husband felt like it was balanced, though… tech week is always hard on him, I think

Fix the Storm Door – Not quite yet. The Husband ordered a new door and it will be installed when it gets here.

Window Treatments for the Living Room – Nope. Such a daunting thing.

Ziplining with the Ten Year Old – Nope. I had thought to do it next week, but the weather has gotten cold, and I think the place is closing for the season soon.

Cozy Kitchen Adventures – well I made a pie. And then three weeks later with the leftover pie dough and filling I made a galette. There needs to be more of this.

Watch some recent movies – I have been home for something like two movie nights this fall, so I haven’t watched as many as I wanted. Oh well, I guess it’s good to have a list of things I want to see so that I don’t spend my time scrolling through trailers when I do sit down on the couch.

Happy Hour with Mom’s Group – Nope, but I have one planned for tomorrow!

Happy Hour with Stage Managers – sort of. I had one colleague over for dinner and we had an after work happy hour with the other stage managers on the show I was working with. I kind of wish I had been more social work-wise because I’m feeling out of the loop in my industry. Oh well. Need to do some deep thinking about this issue.

Free Days that are Restorative and Fulfilling -how is that for a very vague unquantifiable goal? not quite sure what grade I would give myself on this one.

Okay – that was fall. Now goals and aspirations from now til the end of the year. It’s a mix of “to do” and “for fun”. I feel like there is definitely lots more things on the “to do” portion list than I am putting below, but it’s a start.

Holiday Cards – I’d like to get them out by the second week of December. Let’s say December 10th. Which means I should probably order them by December 1st. I have a design picked out, I just have to write our letter and pick the photos.

Plan Birthday Parties – the two older kids have January birthdays and I know if I don’t plan them in December, they will get lost in the holiday madness and I will be scrambling come January. I think we’re going to actually have some kind of party for them, with friends, the first since 2020. The last birthday party we had was at the local fire station for the 5 year old (then turning three), in January of 2020. The oldest wants a sleepover/ movie theatre gathering and the middle kid wants a Chuck E. Cheese party.

Read a Lengthy Book – Something to immerse myself in during winter. I’ve started reading The Weight of Ink, which is 560 pages long, so it will for sure last me a while – particularly since I always read 3 or 4 books at a time. If I get through that, I’m thinking of picking up Juliet Barker’s biography of the Bronte sisters or Robert Massie’s biography on Catherine the Great.

Make Sure Kids have Winter Gear – We got out hats and mittens for the kids this week. I need to make sure they have snowpants/ snow suits. Who knows what the snow will be like this year, but best to be prepared.

Go Sledding – since I finally bought a sled this year. Of course this is very weather dependent.

Barring that, go ice skating – I love skating. We have indoor ice rinks and outdoor ice rinks here – I prefer the indoor rinks for the amount of space, and the outdoor rinks for the festive atmosphere.

Cook at least two vegan dinners a week – I tend to overindulge with the Holiday food, so I’m hoping to balance that with some vegan meals. Not that vegan necessarily means healthy, to be honest. But vegan usually means more vegetables.

Watch Holiday Movies – we’ve made a list!

TubaChristmas! – Tubas playing Christmas carols. What else could one ask for? The Husband and I have gone to the concert almost every year since we met.

Put up Christmas Lights on the House – I’m not a huge decorator of interior spaces, but I do love seeing our house adorned with Christmas lights.

Widow Treatments for the Living Room – Setting a micro goal of ordering samples at least.

Find the perfect leggings – The leggings I ordered from Pact did not fit, so back they went. Ugh. This is what I want: cotton leggings (with a bit of stretch) with a tech pocket, in a colour not black. I have a pair of cotton leggings from Jockey that I actually love, but they don’t make them in other colours. I’m thinking of trying Duluth Trading Company leggings, but they are an investment.

See a Christmas Light Display – there are many options for this around us. We might try Zoo Lights since it is back for the first time since the pandemic. Or we might do a drive through one so we can play Christmas music in the car and sip our hot cocoa as we drive.

Finish my 1000 hours outside – In September of last year, I started tracking my outdoor time with the goal of getting to 1000 hours in one year. I didn’t make it, and now I have maybe 75 hours to go. (I probably have less than that since I gave up tracking last month so there’s about three weeks’ worth of outdoor time that I didn’t track.) It’s ambitious, but if I can get to 1000 by the end of the year, I will be able to start fresh in 2023.

Take the kids to the theatre – I’m thinking either Beauty and the Beast or Into the Woods.

Read Christmas Books with the kids – I don’t know that we’ll do advent picture books like in years past, but I do plan on checking out books from the library about winter and the holiday season. Also- definitely plan to have a road trip and listen to Elaine Stritch’s read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. Funniest Christmas story ever.

See a Christmas Train Display – There are a couple options for this – the U.S. Botanical Gardens and our local Botanical Gardens. And of course we could always make the trip to Longwood Gardens.

Do More Laundry – The Husband does almost all the Laundry, and I want to help out more with that since I’ll be home more the next couple of weeks.

Christmas Shopping mindfully – I feel as if I’m still trying to figure out the balance of how to gift give with intent and without going overboard. Also there are teacher gifts and holiday tips to have to decide upon so it’s easy to lose track of where the money is going during the end of the year. This is clearly a wonderfully vague goal that I need to break down into actionable steps. It will probably involve lists.

Weekend report

We didn’t have huge plans for the weekend, but it still felt pretty full. I did not order a new planner, but I did do pretty much everything else on my aspirations list.

Saturday morning I took the two girls to Drag Queen Story Hour at the local Botanical Gardens. The Drag Queen reading the books was D’Amanda Martini and she read a couple books about Fall and Thanksgiving and Holidays. At one point, one little girl said, “You don’t dress up for Thanksgiving – you dress up for Halloween!” and D’Amanda Martini says, “That’s very true. Although, I like to get dressed up all of the time!”

The past few times the Gardens hosted Drag Queen Story Hour, there were people protesting against Drag Queens and holding up signs that had all sorts of hateful, fear-mongering messages. This time there were just four or five people holding up banners and praying on one side of the parking lot. The people with the anti-LGBTQ signs were vastly outnumbered by the crowds of supporters with rainbow flags and umbrellas that lined the other side of the parking lot, cheering and offering people who chose to attend story time an escort to their car. I found the whole thing flabbergasting and kind of sad, to be honest. I think it’s wonderful to have the courage of one’s convictions, but at the same time I think there is something very very misinformed about the people who would give up their Saturday morning to protest a child friendly, inclusive event.

That afternoon, we went to a birthday party at a bowling alley for a child in the 5 year old’s class. I hadn’t been bowling in years, and this reminded me of how I always found bowling a fun social activity. Years ago, the best/cheapest place to go bowling was on a nearby military base. You had to show ID and they would inspect your car in order to get past the gate, but it was something like $3/ game and $3 for shoes. This weekend’s bowling party was at a super fancy bowling place with a bar (obviously not for the 6 year olds), and waiters and a roof top terrace. I commented to the Husband that I wouldn’t mind having a bowling party for my birthday this year. I hate celebrating my birthday, but I do love doing fun things with friends.

I stayed for half the bowling party, then the Husband came and relieved me at the birthday party, and I zipped down to work. I was a little stressed because I was running late to work; it probably would have been best if I had just had the Husband bring the five year old to the party from the start, but he had to bring the three year old, and I was a little unsure of the etiquette of showing up to a party with an additional sibling. Turns out it would have been fine, but I feel like I’m never quite sure how to navigate these things.

It was the last performance of our show – always a bittersweet day. Though in these COVID times, I feel like it’s just a relief to get through the run without any COVID cancellations. We were still testing twice a week and masking backstage, so caution abounds.

I also think it’s fun to track my movement for each show I do:
Length of show: 100 mins.
Number of steps taken on average for each show: 2083
Number of flights of stairs each night: 4
So not a super active show, but does involve a fair bit of stair climbing.

I also have a post show ritual where I write down all the things that I want to remember about a show. I find that the rehearsal and tech process are so mind consuming that I don’t always have time to enjoy what we are putting onstage. Usually by opening, things have fallen into a routine and I try to find those moments that will stay with me. I once asked an Assistant Director friend of mine if she ever got tired of watching the same show every night. She said that sometimes yes, but then she really forces herself to watch mindfully and intensely and learned to concentrate her attention on things that she might have missed before – like a certain musical passage or the way a singer might move while singing a certain line. So when I get to a point in a show when I don’t feel busy, I try to really watch and listen to what is happening onstage and savor that moment because either it will never happen again, or the singer will do it exactly the same way every single night – and I think both things – the once in a life time, and the consistently repetitive – are fascinating to me.

Sunday was a morning at home to tackle yardwork and house puttering. I did get a little run in. The Husband cleaned up the yard and I picked up around the house. We finally tackled a project that I had been putting off, but which I knew I had to do – the kids and I dismantled the 10 year olds’ iPod Halloween costume, and we also took apart our carboard UPS Truck. Two years ago we got a new stove and we asked the delivery people to leave us the box. The box eventually became, at the then three year old’s request, a UPS Truck. (I wrote a post about our cardboard creations here.)

Well, after two years and repeated patching, the UPS truck was on its last legs. The kids still loved sitting in it, and it is their favorite hideout, but some weeks, it seemed to mostly be used as a catchall for clutter in the living room. The sliding door no longer slid, the rear door had fallen off, as had the steering wheel. If you had told me in Fall of 2020 that this cardboard box would still be in our living room two years later, I would not have believed you. Indeed, the Husband, whenever I bring something large and disposable into the house always asks, “How long is that going to be in our lives?”

“Not too long,” I always say vaguely. I think to myself, “There’s no way that this huge chunk of cardboard is going to last.” And here we are two years later.

But Christmas is coming and we have to make room for the Christmas tree, so this past weekend, I faced the inevitable and agreed to dismantle the box and begin the process of sending it to recycling. The kids were a little sad to have their living room play space taken down, but then I gave them the screwdriver to take out all the Makedo cardboard screws and they eagerly jumped on that assignment. The ten year old needed a large piece of cardboard for a school project so her eyes lit up at the prospect of taking part of the UPS truck. I’m sad the UPS truck is gone … it certainly took me a while to get to a point where I felt okay letting go of it. Part of me feels silly to be so attached to something that I always knew would not be permanent. But there are a lot of memories wrapped up in the box, particularly from early in the pandemic – which was such an insular and resourceful time. I have to remember the legacy of the box is not the physical thing, but the memories we have of it and the knowledge that we could have great adventures with something that otherwise would be meant for the trash.

Throwback to the Glory Days of the UPS Truck…

The baby – what a little things she was! – trying to work the trunk of the UPS truck.

So after tackling those house projects, I insisted that we get some fresh air by going for a hike. I dragged the family on a one hour drive up county on a hunt for one of the Selfie Stands that the County Parks Department has set up. This Selfie Stand was a view overlooking the Potomac; this far upstream the Potomac is quiet and wide, very different from Great Falls. I will say, it wasn’t the most picturesque spot – this part of the county is perhaps a little neglected. Maybe it’s nicer in the summer? At any rate, I always do love seeing the Potomac, and we managed to find the selfie stand and snap a poorly lit family picture. Ultimately, though, it was very cold and we didn’t last long, maybe just thirty minutes. We took our selfie then tromped back to the parking lot and got back in the car.

On the way home we stopped by a local brewery, one of those places on acres and acres of land with tents and string lights and tables made from old sewing machine legs and things like “Ricotta Toast” on the menu. Which was tasty, by the way. Craft breweries on farms seem to be a very popular thing in our County. If it hadn’t been so cold, it would have been a wonderful spacious place to hang out and have a beer with the kids. Not that the kids drink beer. The Husband drinks beer. The rest of us watch and eat foot and maybe drink a soda. We ordered burgers and sandwiches and shrimp and enjoyed the pink sky and golden light of sunset while plotting fun holiday aspirations and making our Christmas movie list (more on that later!). And then it was suddenly dark and we felt the need to go home, but of course it was only 5:30pm. Splendid, I thought! We can have half an hour of tidying the living room and then watch two episodes of Golden Girls.

Of course there was great reluctance to clean so it ended up being one hour of cleaning and one episode of Golden Girls, but that was still a fine way to cap off a Sunday night.

Cozy Things

The weather has been very erratic here these past few weeks. One day it will be high 70s, then next day it will be in the 40s. There was one week, when I was sure that the cool weather was here to stay – it was rainy and chill and everything seemed like it was going to take a lot of effort. And so my mind turned towards things that I like to be cozy and warm. Of course the next week, the weather was back up in the 70s and sunny sunny sunny. But some of the cozy things had already been implemented. Being cozy gives me such joy, that I thought I’d share my list of cozy things….

Car Blankets – My car is quite old and it takes a while for the heat to kick in, so I keep blankets in the car for the kids. They buckle up, then I tuck the blankets around them up to their chins and it keeps them cozy til the heat starts up.

A Cup of Tea – Tea in a mug to warm my hands and tea in my travel cup so that it is still warm three hours later when I finally sit down and have a sip. I don’t drink coffee, but I do drink a lot of tea, particularly when the weather gets cool. My tea of choice is the strong black stuff – Irish Breakfast, Oolong, or Lapsang Souchong. In the evenings when I wans something a little more gentle, I like Celestial Seasonings Honey Vanilla Chamomile.

Oatmeal – my go to cold weather breakfast. I like it savory with soy sauce, sesame oil and a little bit of ume plum vinegar, topped with scallions, ginger and a soy egg, kind of like congee. I also like it sweet with berries, nuts, maple syrup and cinnamon.

Flannel Sheets – As much as I love the feeling of cool cotton in the summer, I love the warmth of slipping between flannel sheets in the winter. Unfortunately the Husband sleeps hot, so we don’t always put them on the bed.

Leggings and Booties – I don’t know if leggings and booties actually keep me warmer than just pants and wool socks, but I sure feel cozy wearing them. Maybe it’s a sartorial placebo effect.

A Stack of Books – Nothing says cozy to me like curling up on a couch, a throw blanket on my lap with a nice book to absorb me. I’ve decided this winter I’m going to read some nice thick tomes. I’ve started The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish, and it’s pretty good so far.

Sweaters and Robes – A few Christmases ago, the Husband and the ten year old got me a long hooded cardigan from Eddie Bauer. It is a blend of cotton/acrylic/polyester/wool and oh so warm and big enough to swallow me up. When I am cold, I put it on, pull the sleeves over my hands, and put the hood up and shiver. It’s like having a warm hug.

Slippers – Okay, I actually wear my wool slippers all year round, but cooler weather makes them imperative. I bought myself a pair of Glerups boiled woos slippers when the baby was born three years ago, and I had to replace them this year because I had worn holes in them. This time I’m going for the rubber soles so that I can periodically wear them outside if I need to run something to the recycling bin.

Wool Socks – along the lines of slippers… wool socks are a must this time of year. I splurged on some Bombas last year and they are everything I want in a sock. I used to share socks with the ten year old, but everyone now knows that the Bombas are only for mom.

Baking – Haven’t done much of that yet so far, but I did get a Bundt pan this year and I’m looking forward to making things in it. Tasty things that I can nibble on while I drink tea and read a book while under a blanket.

Any cozy things in your life lately?

Weekly recap + What we ate: Fall Camping

The kids had two days off school this week. Monday was end of quarter grading, and Tuesday was election day. Schools close here on election day because a lot of schools are used as polling locations. So I did get my act together and took the two younger kids on a camping overnight. The oldest had been invited to a birthday party, so she did that.

We went to Burke Lake, about an hour away in Virginia. The main reason I chose this campground was that it was close and also one could book a single night stay. Most of our usual campgrounds require a two night stay. I hadn’t been to Burke Lake before, and found it is a pretty suburban campsite; I could hear the traffic from where we were. As expected, the place was pretty quiet. I imagine it’s a very popular destination in the summer – there is a lake for boating, with a nice trail around the perimeter, and there is also a carousel and ice cream stand and a train ride, none of which was open. I was a little nervous at how empty it was at first. We were the only ones at the campground when we arrived at 1pm, and I do sometimes wonder if camping by myself as a woman is the most prudent thing. But another group arrived late in the afternoon so I felt better.

It was a pretty relaxed camping trip, as these things go. I had thought that we could hike the trail around the lake, but once I had set the tent and the hammock up, the kids were happy just to swing in the hammock and play with their toy cars. We did go for a little woodsy stroll along the part of the lake trail that came past our campground. The weather was lovely – almost 80 degrees – and the afternoon sun was golden. The trees were almost all bare, leaving such a thick carpet of leaves for us to swish through.

This time of year, it gets dark so early, so I started dinner at 4pm. I also made a fire – that’s one of the kids’ favorite parts of camping. I made mac n cheese and we roasted hot dogs over the fire to put in our mac n cheese. We had ‘smores.

The sunset around 5:15pm, and it was dark. I remember looking at my watch as the sun was going down and thinking, “What am I going to do – there’ still three hours til bedtime.” Well, turns out, with my kids, once the sun went down, they were ready to turn in. I’m not sure if it was the lack of sunlight, the big day, or the end of daylights savings, but they were pretty tuckered out by 6:30pm. Maybe it was all three factors. We went to the bathhouse to brush our teeth, returned to the tent to put on our pjs, and I read them two chapters from Winnie the Pooh under the light of the lantern and they snuggled into their sleeping bags – Cocoons, they called them. I stayed up to read for a little bit, and then was asleep by 10:30pm – so early for me!

I was woken up by bright bright light streaming into the tent. I hadn’t set up the rainfly on the tent this time because the weather looked to be dry and I thought it would be nice to get some air into the tent and to be able to see the sky. In the middle of the night, this incandescent light pushed past my eyelids, and I opened my eyes, thinking I had forgotten to turn off the lantern. I hadn’t forgotten – it was the moon. The moon was practically full that night. I remembered seeing it during dinner as it came over the horizon, a huge glowing white disk. Now it was directly over the tent, bright as bright can be. When I’m at home in a house, it’s easy to forget how much light the moon can produce. I could see everything in the tent in the moonlight that came through the mesh roof of our tent.

Eventually I went back to bed and woke up around 6:00am. The kids were already up – I’m not sure how long they were up, or what they were doing, but the sounds of them chattering away to each other penetrated my sleep fog. That and the fall morning chill. Even though I objectively knew the second day was going to be colder (in the mid-50s according to the weather report), I was still unprepared for the reality of it. I hunkered in my sleeping bag as long as possible, but finally faced the reality that kids had to pee and forced myself to emerge.

We had bacon and eggs for breakfast. Then I slowly packed up the campsite with a pause for some hammock time. As I was driving in the day before, my sister-in-law called and we chatted, and I said to her, “What I really want to do is laze in the hammock and read my book.” I almost didn’t get a chance what with setting up the camp, and taking the kids on a walk and then making dinner and cleaning up dinner… but this morning, I decided that I was going to be sad if I didn’t find some hammock time. So after breakfast, and before I packed the car, I took half an hour and lazed in the hammock with a book. It was quite chilly so I packed the sleeping bags in the hammock and it was a super cozy thirty minutes.

After the car was packed up, we spent some time playing at the playground and wandering along another stretch of the lake trail, then we went home around 1pm since I didn’t want to get stuck in traffic. All in all a very relaxing 24 hours.

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. I buckled down and got some errands done off my to do list. Finally mailed those sweaters off. Processed more returns – the leggings I ordered from Pact did not fit. Bummer. I liked that they were of a thicker material, but I think the thicker material make them less stretchy.

I did a tie dye experiment with some old sweaters. The experiment wasn’t entirely successful – I tried a technique called ice dying where you put ice over the clothes and sprinkle the tie dye powder over it, and as the ice melts, it saturates the dye into the clothes. I had ice left in the cooler from camping, which is what inspired the project. I sprinkled the dye unevenly, so the grey sweater just looks like it was in a laundry accident – also I think I should have chosen a different colour for the grey sweater – the blue didn’t really show up. Even so, I always love the look of tie dye and I think I’ll try it again since ice dying was a pretty hands off way of doing it.

I had one very frustrating day where on the way to work, there was construction and a poorly marked detour and I spent a half hour driving around trying to get to our parking garage. Driving downtown is always super confusing – the streets change direction at rush hour and if you miss a fork, you’re suddenly in Virginia and you can’t just pull a u-turn to get back on track. (I mean I guess you could – I’ve seen people do it – but I’m not that brave.) I felt particularly defeated because I had planned to get to work 45 minutes early so I could get a run in before starting my show duties, but the detour/getting lost in Virginia ate up all that time. This wrench in my plan almost had me in tears. But got to work and decided to salvage it by running ten minutes to the Wednesday farmer’s market and getting empanadas for dinner and kimchi from one of my favorite vendors. So I guess it wasn’t a frustrating day, just a frustrating, despair ridden 45 minutes.

Yesterday, being Veteran’s Day, the Husband had it off, so we went to Glenstone Museum. It was a rainy, drizzly day, but lovely nonetheless. I had been a few months ago with my mom and cousin, and we didn’t get to see all of the grounds on that visit, so I was glad to go back. We didn’t see everything this time either, but we were moving at a slow pace. We meandered the walkways, stopped for lunch at the cafe (where we also started planning our spring break trip!) and took in some of the galleries. I don’t always understand contemporary art, but the docents at Glenstone are always willing to talk to patrons about it in thoughtful ways, which I appreciate.

Not art, just the view through a drizzly window.

Grateful this week for:
-Our friends, avid campers, who loan us camp chairs and coolers.
– The nice person at FedEx who helped me sort out all the various forms for shipping back to Ireland the Irish sweaters that the Husband had bought me last Christmas. Finally checked that off the to-do list.
– The three year old’s teachers. We had a parent teacher conference for her today and she’s doing really well. I’m impressed by how many letters and numbers she knows. Apparently she needs to work on sharing and letting other kids be the line leader once in a while. I’m not surprised.
-My car, which just just crossed 180, 000 miles and still takes us where we need to go. I probably wouldn’t drive it across the country, all the same.
-A phone call from an old friend and colleague whom I worked with years ago in Colorado. She is a costume person, and had made the ten year old the cutest outfits when she was a baby. Anyhow, after we both left that company, we lost touch except a Christmas card. It was wonderful to catch up.

Hard things this week: Screen time struggles/strategies with the ten year old. We are generally pretty restrictive about screen time, but the ten year old has joined a writing club at school for National Novel Writing Month, which she seems to be enjoying. However, the school has issued Chromebooks to the students in writing club so they can work on their novels at home. There has been a lot of surreptitious screen time for non-novel writing things, and precious little actual novel writing, and I just don’t have the bandwidth to constantly monitor what she is doing. We’ve caught her with her Chromebook in bed a couple of nights too and so we’ve had blanket and dictatorial confiscation of the Chromebook – which I’m on the fence as to whether it’s the best strategy since it leads to a lot of tantrums and generally unpleasant behavior (on both our parts), but it’s the easiest tactic to implement. I think there just needs to be some kind of joint discussion about screen time and Chromebook use and expectations. Also maybe have her show us what she’s using the Chromebook for. I think right now, the parents are the enemy in the screen time battle, and I don’t like that dynamic.

Plans /Aspirations for this weekend:
– Drag Queen Story Hour at the Botanical Gardens. The three year old keeps calling it “Dragon Story Hour”. I hope she isn’t disappointed.
– Birthday Party at a bowling alley for a classmate of the five year old.
– Work. It’s closing night! I’m a little sad.
– Order a new planner for next year. I use a weekly planner and I just realize there are only six spreads left for this year. When I think of the rest of the year in terms of just six spreads, it seems like the year is fast disappearing.
– Run.
– Maybe a hike. Something outdoors for sure.
– Think/ Plan holiday/ end of year things.

Looking forward to:
-Happy Hour with my mom’s group next week. I think only one or two moms can make it this time, but it’s been a while since we had one, so I’m looking forward to it nonetheless.
– This is way in the future, but our Spring Break Trip!
– Another Date Day with the Husband. He took half a day off this week to work in his garden, and we spent half an hour watching Only Murders in the Building and eating chocolate bars. It felt very un-adult like. Looking forward to more like that.

What We Ate:
Saturday: I was solo with the kids, so we had snack dinner – Soy Sauce Eggs, Veggies, Fruit, Edemame, crackers and cheese. Eaten on the floor while watching Thundermans.

Sunday: I had a matinee show, so the Husband made dumplings and cut up some veggies for the kids. They saved me some dumplings, which I ate when I got home.

Monday: Camping. Trying to keep it super simple – boxed Mac n Cheese with hot dogs and broccoli mixed in. A tip I learned from my brother is to buy the Deluxe Mac N Cheese; it come with a cheese sauce rather than cheese powder, so it’s easier to make. And then of course ‘Smores for dessert.

Tuesday: The five year old requested veggie noodle soup, so I made Chickpea Noodle Soup from America’s Test Kitchen’s Vegan for Everyone Cookbook. It’s actually a great pantry soup.

Wednesday: I had to work so I had empanadas and dolmas from the Farmer’s Market by work. The Husband made some kind of hashbrown/peppers/egg skillet for the kids.

Thursday: This was the day that I kind of lost it and told the kids that if they didn’t empty the dishwasher, we’d have toast for dinner because I wasn’t going to dirty anymore dishes until I could put them in the dishwasher afterwards. Well, joke’s on me. The dishwasher did not get emptied in time so we had bagels and baba ghanoush, and carrots and cucumbers and hummus, and fruit. Everyone thought it was a great dinner. So much for natural consequences.

Friday: Pizza (take-out) and The Secret Lives of Super Pets, which was a pretty funny movie.

Three Haikus for Thursday (even though it’s Friday)

… because I fell asleep before I could hit post…. I used to write a lot of haikus here (see them here), and I thought I might try to make it a habit again. Anyhow, here are this week’s efforts.

My tooth brush, child prepped.
Everywhere, toothpaste is smeared.
Love amidst chaos.

Full Moon, spotlight bright
Wakes me like a bulb flicked on
Unexpectedly.

Fall’s brittle carpet,
A cacophony of leaves.
Sounds of a fall walk.

Pass it on

Sometimes I think of all the things that I’ll pass along to my kids – especially all the things that I want to pass along to them but will likely not ever see come to happen. I mean there’s the financial and material, but also I think about the intangible things. Whenever I think of holding on to stuff for my kids, I think of something the Minimalists said to a listener who was having a hard time cleaning out his parents’ house after their death. “You are your parent’s legacy,” they said, “not their stuff.” It’s still hard for me to get rid of things, but these words are a bit of comfort when I do chose to part with something – these bits and things are not me. But also it’s somehow more weighty to think that my legacy is something so much more lasting than stuff.

At any rate, a lot of the times as I think of what I want my little humans to learn from me, I wonder if any of the good things I want to pass along get through to them. Lord knows, the bad things do… the yelling and the petty grievances, and the bad habits – those I see in them in the most cringeworthy ways. But the good stuff? Or maybe I’m not giving them enough good fodder?

This week, while camping with the two little kids, I tried really hard not to be too busy to enjoy being out in the woods and hanging out with these two little creatures. I’m trying to not let the things that occupy my mind take up so much space that I can’t experience the things that I like about being in the tent – the air, the trees, the golden sunsets, the fire, the unplugging (though to be fair, we had plenty of cell signal the whole time so there was period scrolling and texting).

At one point, as I was trying to make dinner, I realized that I was having a good time. I was enjoying the sunshine and the woods and my kids’ antics. I paused and gave the five year old a big hug. “I’m so glad you’re camping with me. This is fun.”

He gave me back a big hug in return. I turned back to continue to make dinner.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him walk over to his little sister. His pesky little sister that not five minutes ago, was taking his sticks and fighting with him. The little sister who snatches his toys and then laughs in his face at his distress. The little sister who liked putting her feet in her face while they ride in the car. (I really should turn her car seat around…)

He walks over to her, gives her a big hug, and says, “I’m so glad you’re camping with me. This is fun.”

My heart grew a million times. Maybe the good stuff is getting passed down after all. Maybe the good stuff is the stuff that happens when I’m not even trying, but when I’m just simply loving them.

On finishing work

I am definitely a “last minute” kind of person – I tend to procrastinate and then finish projects just in time. I think it comes being a Questioner (of Gretchen Rubin’s four tendencies). I like to keep asking questions, wanting to have to have all the information in place perfectly before I can start a project. I used to wait until we had staged every scene in an opera to start my show running paperwork, thinking that I wanted the complete picture of the show before starting. I’ve come to realize, though, that I don’t need to have everything in place to start my paperwork- I can start my paperwork with what I know and – gasp!- adjust when things change in rehearsal.

Two things I read recently have shifted my thinking of waiting til the last minute to finish things.

The first was a recent post by Seth Godin. I really love how Godin can distill ideas down to their essence, and one of his recent posts really was an “Aha moment” me:

The second was on a blog Headset Chatter, written by a stage manager Karen Parlato. In their FAQ they answer a question about dealing with deadlines:

I like to do things right away. Stage management is all about juggling many balls. I like to get the ball out of my hands as quickly as possible so it’s over and done and I can move on to others without losing track of anything.

These two ideas really shifted my framing about workload and deadlines. I didn’t used to see the value of finishing things early, wanting my work to be as accurate and finessed as possible before distributing it. And even when I did start projects with plenty of time to spare, I found myself still working up til the deadline because I wanted to fuss and adjust and re-phrase. The work was done, but I was not done with it.

For example paperwork for backstage – all the information for the stage crew will be in the paperwork, but I continue to make slight adjustments in fits of self doubt – maybe if I adjust this margin, the crew notes will be clearer to read. Maybe if I write Stage Left rather than just SL it will be less confusing. Maybe if I put this picture just this way or that it will be clearer how the tea try is to be laid out of for the singer. The possibilities are infinite.

But my time is not infinite.

Godin’s and Parlato’s posts, helped me realize that finishing something early is not an excuse to keep futzing with it – the value of finishing something early is that that it gets it off my plate and pushes it to other people so that they can start to do their jobs. Holding on to something does not diminish my to do list. Getting things done just in the nick of time is not necessarily a virtue.

I really like Godin’s idea that those last sixty seconds can be a moment of peace before submitting something, time to savor and enjoy completing a task. It goes hand in hand with the idea that “Finished is better than perfect.” Sometimes as I endlessly change margins and adjust image sizes, I just need to tell myself to stop, and just be done so that I can celebrate having planned an executed something well.

Weekend – Solo Saturday

The Husband went out of town on Saturday for a friend’s birthday party, which I was so excited about because he never takes time for himself and he has been on solo parent duty for most of the past eight weeks. So I had an entire day with the kids to myself. The plan was to keep us out of the house as much as possible.

So on Saturday, we:
– Got bathing suits and kickboards. I’ve been trying to order bathing suits off Amazon for the ten year old, but none of them have fit and it’s been a frustrating, unending process. Then one day I noticed that there is a small swimwear store located near us so on Saturday, we popped in. She tried on a bunch of bathing suits and found two that fit. Hooray! I also bought kick boards (we called these flutter boards when I was growing up) for the two little kids. I’m so glad I found this store – every summer we try to buy goggles at the big chain sporting good store, but they are always out of the right size. Next summer I’m just going to come to our small local swim store.

– Then we went to a park and met up with some friends for food trucks, music, and beer. The kids played in the playground while I got to catch up with the grown ups.

– Then we hopped on the Metro and went to the Building Museum for The Big Build Day. Big Build day is kind of an open house where the Museum is free for the day and they have all sorts of building related activities for kids. The place was kind of a zoo and very crowded, but we got to do some fun things like sit in big trucks and use power tools.

– Then we Metroed back to our car, came home and had snack dinner while watching The Thundermans. Well, the kids watched The Thundermans while I read my book, which made for a very pleasant evening.

Then the kids went to bed and I stayed up late to clean while watching Miss Fisher’s Modern Murder Mysteries, which I’m finding fun, but not as good as the original series. I had thought to go to bed early to take advantage of the end of Daylight Savings, but … bedtime is still my nemesis and I stayed up several hours past midnight. I did set all the clocks back before I went to bed, so I would have the illusion of getting up earlier.

This morning started off with the baby crawling into bed to cuddle, then around 5am, she starts yelling at me, “Breakfast! Breakfast! Breakfast!!!!” She clearly did not understand the idea of falling back an hour. I turned over in bed and she eventually got out of bed and left the room. I’m not sure what happened next with the kids, but when I woke up two hours later, the kids were in the basement watching High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. As annoyed as I was that they were watching TV without permission, I guess I should be glad that they were quiet and occupied and didn’t burn the house down while I slept.

Anyhow I got up, we got on with our morning, and even managed an hour of cleaning the toy room before I had to go to work. Getting the toy room cleaned was a minor miracle. I had been starting to stress out about how messy the house was – hence the post midnight cleaning session last night. Previous attempts this weekend to get the kids to clean involved yelling, foot stomping and much exasperation in the face of their apathy towards the state of the house. Eventually I left it and this morning I decided to try again. After much infuriating resistance, I took a breath and asked the five year old why he didn’t like picking up and he says, “Because it is boring.”

Well he’s not wrong there. I always entice myself to clean by watching something while I did it; I only let myself watch Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries while cleaning. So I said to the kids, “What if I let you listen to some favorite music while you clean?” This was eagerly accepted. So I put on some Hamilton and then some Taylor Swift and we set the toy room in order. Music while cleaning is not a new or novel concept in our house, but I always forget that it’s a great inducement. Part of me thinks, “They should just pick up because I’m asking them!” That’s hardly fair to them, though. If I can’t expect myself to clean up without some music or tv show, I can hardly expect them to.

In the end, the kids did not all clean equally – the ten year old did more than her fair share, but everyone did something. It wasn’t painless, but it got done. I do feel as if we have too many toys and bits and bobs, but I don’t know where to even begin the process of weeding it all down. Part of the issue is, even if the oldest kid has outgrown something, I feel like I have to hold on to it for the sake of the little ones. I need to figure out how to cull the toy room before Christmas, though.

So we cleaned then the sitter came, I took the ten year old to swim clinic and went to work. After work, I did a grocery run for tomorrow’s camping trip then came home and the Husband had returned from his trip to New York, bearing the fattest, doughiest, bagels I had ever seen. And the Giant was out of Philadelphia cream cheese, which is a minor annoyance, but seemed large in the moment. So we had an evening as a family – one of those noisy evenings where we are all exhausted, but the kids chatter endlessly and jump all over us, but being inert on the couch is a perfectly fine response. I still haven’t made campsite reservations or pulled out the camping gear, but I think it will be fine. I looked at the website and there are still lots of camp sites open. I’ll push publish then go finish packing before I turn in for the night. It feels like a lot of work for one night of camping, but this might be the last warm spell for a while and there is still a bit of fall colour to enjoy, so while I waffled on whether or not to go camping, I think we will have a good time.

So all in all a good weekend – twenty four hours solo with the kids. The house was kind of a sty, but we managed to ameliorate that somewhat. I have decided that these one off days when I’m solo parenting, the goals are: sleep, food, family harmony, and fun. Cleaning the house is clearly not a priority.