(Bi)Weekly Recap + what we ate: The week after Christmas and into a New Year

Well we are into 2023, so here’s a “coffee date” style recap/info dump of what life post Christmas has been like…

Trains at Longwood Gardens.

The day after Christmas, the Husband bundled us into the car at 6am and we headed on a little overnight getaway. Our first stop was Steamtown, a National Historic Site in Scranton, PA, dedicated to steam locomotives. I had first heard of this place last year when thinking of places where we could use the ten year old’s free National Parks Pass, though it turns out Steamtown is actually free to visit. (The ten year old’s Pass, given to all fourth graders in the country, went sadly underutilized; I have five years to figure out how to make the most of it when the five year old gets his free Parks Pass…). I had thought this historic site might be fun for the train-lovers in the family, but we never made it because Steamtown was in Scranton, PA, four hours away, which made it a little far for a day trip. When we were looking for a quick getaway for after Christmas, though, this seemed like a good option.

Steamtown features a huge collection of steam locomotives. The museum portion of the park, where there were displays on train history and technology, was having some facility issues so it wasn’t open unfortunately, but there was still lots to see. The roundhouse housed many trains and there were park rangers available to answer questions. The ten year old had many many questions for the park rangers. In the outdoor portion of the Roundhouse, there was a locomotive that we could climb into and even ring it’s bell.

Steamtown!
Locomotives in the Roundhouse.

After Steamtown we spent the night in Consohoken, where we visited the Edwards Freeman Nut Company – a shop with aisles and aisles of nuts, dried fruit and all the candy and chocolate one can imagine. There were wine gums (yay!), and four different types of black licorice, and dried peaches, and an impressive assortment of chocolate malt balls – dark, milk, mocha, mint… We came away with a lot of treats and snacks. Each kid was allowed to also pick some candy- the ten year old picked out a giant bag of Double Bubble and some Bazooka flavored soda, this latter which the kids all tasted and decided was not very good. But it’s good to try things. The five year old picked out a pack of Skittles – but it was Smoothie flavore Skittles, so quite a novelty. The three year old picked out a Kinder Joy and some Chocolate Pretzels.

Then we had dinner at a local restaurant – chosen because the website offered, “Burgers! Tacos! Sushi!” Though they didn’t serve sushi on Mondays so we had really tasty burgers and Tacos instead. Then off to the hotel, which is always a high point for the kids. They are always super content just to sprawl in a hotel room and watch TV and go to the pool and eat those waffles from the hotel breakfast bar. The pool, unfortunately was not working, but we were all exhausted so sprawling and watching tv seemed like a pretty good option. Eventually everyone went to bed, except the three year old, who proceeded to try to interact with the sleeping people in the room, so I took her out for a little stroll around the hotel. We rode the elevator, checked out the lobby and walked up and down the hallways. At one point, she started singing, “I’m never going to be sleepy.” Over and over and over.

She did eventually go to sleep and the next day, I got a run in while the Husband took care of getting the kids hotel breakfast. After I got back, we packed up the room and went to Longwood Gardens. The gardens still had their Christmas display up, and I enjoyed seeing all the festive decorations. The conservatory was an explosion of Poinsettias. My favorite thing, was a fascinating picture of a poinsettia in the wild. They are actually trees and grow to be eight feet tall, looking nothing at all like the plants we get at Christmas. Also – I didn’t realize this, but the red/pink/white parts of the poinsettia are actually the leaves. The flowers are the small yellow buds in the middle – which makes sense when I actually looked closely at a flower, but I had never really thought about it that way before. It’s always really fascinating to learn about something that seems so every day and familiar.

This one was for the birds – there are bird seeds in the gourds.

We also took in the train display and wandered all over the grounds. (Okay, side note re: trains – apparently trains are a huge deal in the Fire Departments around Baltimore and almost all of them have train displays. And there is a very nice person/group that collects all the places that have holiday train displays and posts them on a website which I must now bookmark for future use.) There is something beautiful and barren about gardens in the winter. Sure, the conventionally beautiful time of the year to see the garden is in the Spring and Summer, but I love how in winter when things are brown and sparse, I can really see the shape of things – the pointy and specific spikes of grass and tree and branches.

Winter across the meadow.

I know Longwood Gardens has a spectacular light exhibit, but we’ve never stayed late enough to see it. We’re usually on the road at 4pm so that we can be home in time for dinner. Every year, as we are leaving, we tell ourselves that we will make it out to see the lights one year. This year, the lights were starting to come on as we headed for the exit gate, and I dragged our family down one walk so that we could see some of the lights before we left and it was indeed very pretty.

A gorgeous book end to our trip – when we left the house on Monday at 6am, the sky was dark, except for the single strip of sunrise. And on our way home at 5pm, I noticed that the sky again was gorgeous with a neon orange strip of sunset. I love the contrast:

Morning departure
Evening Return

The rest of 2022was pretty low key, but surprisingly social. The baby went to daycare, but the two school kids were home, so I planned some playdates for the kids. One night we had the neighbors over for dinner, a pleasant evening which made me vow to invite people over for dinner more. We had chili for dinner – simple to make ahead and easy to customize.

The Husband ended up having half a day off on Friday before New Years, so we went to lunch at our favorite dumpling house, then went to Lake Needwood for a walk and some playground time. The weather was pretty mild, but the lake had frozen earlier in the week and there were still pretty ice patterns to be seen. I had been to this trail before, but didn’t realize there was a playground with one of those zipline type structures on it. The kids had a great time. I even took a turn or two. The five year old, who initially balked at the idea of going to this park said, when it was time to go, “I didn’t have enough outdoor time!” Which is always something that I love to hear from my kids. So we went to the same park again two days later, this time I suggested it as a meet up location for my mom’s group, which had been trying to get together for a while. I had met these kids when the three year old was born and it was fun to see how our little squishy babies have all grown. Of course, with ten kids running around, I didn’t really get to chat at length with too many other parents, but I guess that’s what happy hour is for.

In between, trips to Lake Needwood, was New Years Day. It was pretty quiet. new years eve we went to church then came home, had dinner and watched the ball drop in Times Square. Actually the Husband and the ten year old watched. The five year old, three year old and I fell asleep on the couch.

… 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!

New Years Day was nice and low key. We went to Taiwanese Breakfast, and had bowls of warm soy milk – savory for the grown ups, sweet for the kids – with fired dough sticks (you tiao), and dumplings and noodles and egg pancakes. Then we went to the park for a few hours, skipping lunch because we were so full from breakfast. After we got home, I decided that I needed to do one house project so cleaned out the fridge. I’m a little embarrassed by some of the things in the back of the fridge – there were three containers of sourdough starter, all sorts of pickles and more “mystery” containers than I care to admit. The trash was very full by the end of all this. I won’t pretend out fridge is absolutely uncluttered now, but I have started to be more mindful about where things are in the fridge. For example, all the pickles and fermentation experiments will go on the top right shelf. Leftovers on the left. So when I’m madly looking for leftovers to take for lunch, I’ll know where to look.

In a fun bit of “use it up”ness, I found some garlic butter from one of the Husband’s pizza nights. There was also a container of butter and Worcestershire sauce mixed together, leftover from a failed Chex mix attempt. I combined the garlic butter and the Chex mix butter and made more Chex mix. It was a very successful batch of Chex Mix, and very satisfying to finish up the various butters and *not* put containers back into the fridge.

We also had a very “use it up”ness dinner, which was so satisfying, and then we played Kings of Tokyo before bedtime. So it wasn’t a New Year’s day with grand plans, but there was a good mix of tasty food, family outdoor time, house project time, and family evening. Which was actually, upon reflection, a very good ordinary day.

Then it was back to life. I have to admit, I was so glad when everyone went back to school on January 3rd. I love my kids, but having them gone also felt amazing. It took me a few days to get back into the swing of life on my own terms. The first day they were back at school, I wanted to go for a run, so I parked at a trail after doing the bus drop off. Then it started to rain. And I was so unused to having my time dictated by only myself, I didn’t know what to do. My brain was stuck in, “This is your time to run.” but it was raining out so I clearly couldn’t. (or I could, but I don’t really have the right rain gear to run in the rain right now.) I ended up sitting in my car for ninety minutes before I decided to go to the library and pick up some holds and wait for the rain to subside. The rain did subside and I left the library with some good books. And I did go for that run after all. But man, that first instance of blank, unscheduled time was… not well spent.

Grateful for:
– 2022. Another year in the books. I’m glad I got to see the end of it.
-2023. Another year to live. I’m glad I have the chance.
– The other mom, L, at the bus stop. I was late for school bus pick up twice this week. Twice. The bus has been arriving about thirty minutes earlier and I just mentally wasn’t prepared for it. You’d think I’d figure it out after the first time I was late, but I was late the next day too. There is nothing that combines mortification and fear for your child like being late for the school bus. L was there and texted to make sure I was on my way and sat with my kids until I arrived. So grateful for her.
– Another mom at my bus stop, A. We’ve been chatting at the bus stop for a while now and before the winter break, I said, “One of these days, we should just walk down to the cafe and have coffee rather than just chatting here in the middle of the street.” Well last week, I had a package to return at Whole Foods, and I asked if she wanted to walk down with me, and she said yes, and it was a lovely morning.
-YouTube. Yes, I find a lot of YouTube insidious, but last week, I was reading the book “The Oboe Goes Boom Boom Boom” to the kids. It’s a book all about children in a band. At the end of the book, the author’s note revealed that all the kids in the book was based on real musicians, most of which I hadn’t heard of. So I was able to pop on YouTube and pull up videos of these really obscure yet talented musicians, including Jazz trumpeter Valadia Snow, flautist (and Jethro Tull member) Ian Anderson, Oboe player and composer Ruth Widdy Gibbs, and so many more. I love picture books about music, and it’s always so much more tangible when we can hear it too.
– The Husband for driving on all our road trips. I don’t like driving. I suspect the Husband doesn’t like me driving either. At the same time, I know that driving can be tedious and tiring, so I’m glad that he takes the wheel when we go places.

Looking forward to:
– Going back to work. It’s just a short gig, two weeks. I’m almost done the first week and it’s been nice to be back at work.
– The ten year old’s birthday party. “Looking forward to” might be too strong a way to phrase it, but I’m certainly excited for her to have a party.
-My father coming to visit. He’s here for the kids’ birthday.
– Having time to sit and plan and think about the year. Maybe not this week or next week, but soon…

What We Ate:
Monday: Road Trip – we had dinner at Guppy’s Good Time. The tag line is Burgers, Tacos, Sushi. Unfortunately they don’t serve sushi on Mondays, but the tacos were tasty, as were the cauliflower bites.

Tuesday: Indian Take Out, picked up on our way back home.

Wednesday: Breakfast for Dinner. Waffles and Eggs.

Thursday: Vegetarian Chili from The Weekday Vegetarians.

Friday: Pizza take out and Hip Hop Nutcracker and The Bad Bunch.

Saturday: Yaki Udon noodles with tofu. A recipe from Mark Bittman’s Dinner For Everyone. This cookbook is great because it gives you three variations on each recipe – one fast (under 30 mins), one vegan, and one super fancy (aka time consuming.) We did the “fast” version. Also – life lesson: everything looks better sprinkled with sesame seeds and green onions:

The Husband always says when I’m unsure about a meal, I sprinkle it with sesame seeds and green onions. But I actually think this meal is pretty tasty.

Sunday: Fridge leftovers – used up the lamb from Christmas – part of it I made into sandwiches, some of it I chopped up and threw into the leftover Indian food from Monday. It was so satisfying to use up little bits of food that way.

Monday: Dumplings and green beans. Standard “We don’t want to cook” dinner.

Tuesday: Lentil Soup, loosely based on a recipe from The Weekday Vegetarian. I didn’t have chard, but I used some leftover cabbage that I had in the fridge. I also made zatar flatbread to go with it – pizza dough, flattened and sprinkled with olive oil, garlic powder and za’tar and then baked – the taste to effort ratio is really high on that one.

Wednesday: Brussel Sprout Fried Rice – Meera Sodha’s Nasi Goreng. (vegan) This is the dish that makes the family groan when I mention it’s for dinner, but then everyone devours. I also threw in the last bits of the cabbage and it felt really satisfying to use it all up.

Thursday: Corn and Tomato Pasta from The Weekday Vegetarian. The recipe calls for fresh corn and tomatoes, none of which I had on hand, but I thought this was pretty tasty using frozen corn and canned tomatoes. I think the secret is that the recipe starts with caramelizing a whole red onion.

Friday: Baked Teriyaki Tofu with Broccoli Mushroom Stirfry. (vegan)

Books Read – December 2022

The last Books Read for 2022!

Husband Material by Alexis Hall – This was the sequel to Boyfriend Material, which I had read earlier this fall and adored. In this book, the main characters Luc and Oliver, contemplate getting married as it seems like everyone around them does. (I think it was in no small part inspired by Four Weddings and a Funeral. Also – incidentally, I was poking around Alexis Hall’s blog and he has a series of posts dedicated to watching every single movie that Hugh Grant ever made, which makes for delightful reading.) I didn’t feel like Husband Material was quite as good as Boyfriend Material – there were too many silly side plots – but I still really enjoyed this book; it was fun, funny, cute, had a big heart, and explored some nice themes about what commitment looks like. I love the idea of a romance novel sequel and seeing how characters continue to grow – life doesn’t end after “happily ever after” and this book felt like there was some really credible personal growth going on. Oliver continues to be swoony and regimented, Luc continues to be an adorable mess.

Joan is Okay by Weike Wang – I almost didn’t read this because I didn’t care for Wang’s first book Chemistry. I’m glad I gave this book a chance because I ended up liking it so much better than Chemistry. The main character, Joan, is a Chinese American ICU doctor and in this novel, she is grappling with the death of her father in China and her mother’s subsequent move back to the the US from China, while trying to figure out how to just go back to life as usual when life keeps changing. A lot of the questions Joan asks herself about being the child of immigrants felt like questions that I have wondered myself. I liked this better than Chemistry because Joan was actually contemplating these questions, whereas the main character in Chemistry just sort of drifted through life without a lot of self awareness. Some highlights I made:

You made zong zi? I asked, the entire breakfast table covered in food. I had to, she [Joan’s mother] said. Yesterday I was so bored, and this was the most time-consuming thing I could think of to do.
This made me laugh because my mother also makes zong zi – sticky rice filled with meat and peanuts and then wrapped in bamboo leaves and steamed. I love zongzi, but yes, they do take a lot of work to make – it’s a multi day process.

Director, the first time I put on my white coat, it felt like home. From having moved around so much and with no childhood or ancestral home to return to, I didn’t think myself capable. I didn’t prioritize home or comfort, because if everyone did, then immigrants like my parents, brother, and sister-in-law couldn’t exist. Home was not a viable concept for them until later, and it wasn’t a concept for me until the day I put on that coat, this coat. I pulled at my white lapel to show him. From then on, I knew that my occupation would become my home. To have a home is a luxury, but now I understand why people attach great value to it and are loyal to defend it. Home is where you fit in and take up space.
This exchange with her boss – I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of people leaving their home to make a life in a new country and how these immigrants contribute to their new country. What were the forces that pull someone away from the place they were born? I think maybe not all people give home the same weight in the calculus of life choices.

The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish – I picked up this book for two reasons: 1) I wanted a lengthy tome to read this winter, and this one clocked in at 592 pages, and 2) the blurb compared it to Possession, which is a book I loved. This novel tells two intertwined stories, both set in England, separated by 400+ years; in the present day, two scholars try to unravel a historical mystery centered around Jewish theology, and in the 1660s we follow the story of Ester Velasquez a young Jewish immigrant from Amsterdam, who is at the center of that mystery. This book didn’t have the same romantic sweep of Possession, but it did have a similar complex, intertwined onion-like layers of plot. I thought this book was so well researched and well crafted and I loved all the details. Reading, I realized that sometimes the difference between a lengthy book and a shorter one is the amount of ink devoted the descriptive details of things, from the smell of the ancient manuscripts in the research library, to the sounds of a seventeenth century theatre… Kadish’s writing is immersive and specific. I’m pretty sure I didn’t understand all the historical points in this book – I had to Google many things – and I think that if I had understood all the history of philosophy or the migratory patterns of Jews in early modern Europe, I may have liked the book more. But as it is, though slow to start and with some awkward info dump narrative devices, this book proved to be a pretty satisfying to sink into. I liked how nuanced the three main characters were. Ester, in particular, is one of my favorite heroines I’ve read in a while – she’s smart and bold to the point of subversive, and doesn’t ever fall into self-pity – I like that in a character. I loved this observation she makes:

“You asked once,” Ester said, “What my mother counseled me about love. But it was her life rather than her words that gave the plainest counsel. My mother was so angered by love’ failures, Mary, that she navigated with spite as her compass. But if you’d seen her, though she was beautiful, you’d have understood how easily the blade of spite turns in one’s hands, and cuts one’s own palms. So that one can grasp nothin, Mary. So that life is … no longer life.”

Also this realization from the scholar Aaron about the uptight reference librarians (both named Patricia), gatekeepers to precious manuscripts:

“… she was among those whose worry took the form of anger at the world for its failure to remain safe.
‘I haven’t seen her in days,” Patricia said, and as if his own troubles had given him new ears, Aaron understood that her terseness was love, that all of it was love: The Patricias’ world of meticulous conservation and whispering vigilance and endless policing over fucking pencils.”

This is How it Always Is by Laurie Frankel – This beautiful book struck me as actually being a parenting fable masquerading as a novel. It’s the story of a family whose youngest son at a very young age decides he is a girl and how the family handles and supports that change. There was so much in this book that I really related to – this line, “Bedtime was a study in chaos theory … Three of his four children were naked, which, while one step closer to pajamas, was still a long way off from bed,” was spot on. And also there was so much of this book that I wanted to hold close to my heart and remember, particularly the theme that hard things are necessary in life. The parents in the book try to make it easy for their child to transition to being a girl, and at one point they are told that just because they made it easy when she is young doesn’t mean they are making the hard part disappear. There will always be something hard and it’s just a question of when their child would have to face it. At one point the husband says, “Easy is nice, but it’s not as good getting to be who you are or stand up up for what you believe in… Not much of what I value in our lives is easy.”

Currently Reading…
The Brontes, Wild Genius on the Moors: The Story of Three Sisters by Juliet Barker – a door stop of a biography on the Bronte sisters. The everyday happenings of a small English town is proving surprisingly fascinating. I don’t imagine I’ll finish it before Spring.

The Death of Vivek Oji by Akwaeke Emezi – Someone had listed this as one of their three favorite books, the other two being The Great Believers and The Nickel Boys. These latter two books are two of my favorite reads too, so I thought I’d give this book a try. I started reading it without reading the blurb on the back, so I’m not quite sure where the story is going. (Anyone else dive into books without reading the “back”? I like to do it once in a while with fiction, just to come into a story with fewer expectations.)

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun – Romance novel set against a Bachelor-like reality dating show. I don’t watch reality dating shows, but I love them as a backdrop for books. I’m so fascinated by how manufactured everything is. A fun romance novel is always a nice way to start the New Year, and this is proving to be just that.

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer – I’ve been slowly working my way through this book for over a year now. The essays are not to be rushed because there is a lot of digest in them, but I’m trying to make the time this year to sit and read savoringly.

And some other books that I’ve started a page or two of, but I’m not sure they will stick.

What’s on your (proverbial or literal?) night stand?

Christmas 2022

Matching Christmas pjs.

It was a quiet Christmas at home. This past year, whenever we mention travelling for Christmas, the ten year old says, “No, no, no! I want to be home for Christmas!” She has this whole plan of how Christmas should go:

1) Wake Up.
2) Wait for mom and dad to wake up.
3) Stockings.
4) Cinnamon Buns
5) Presents
6) Play with presents, and laze around the house.
7) Eat Dinner.
8) Watch Meet Me in St. Louis and dessert.

That was more or less what we did.

I was up until about 3am on Christmas eve (I guess technically Christmas Day) prepping dinner. I marinated the lamb leg, chopped all the vegetables, made the batter for the sticky toffee pudding, made the dough for the cinnamon rolls and sweet rolls. I like to make the yeasted things the night before and then put them in the sunroom to rise overnight – it’s cold enough in there that the dough can do a slow rise. Also wrapping presents, and filling the stockings. I was so afraid that the kids would wake up while I was still working in the kitchen and they would ask me if I had seen Santa since the presents were all under the tree and the Husband had eaten Santa’s cookies before he went to bed. Luckily, no one woke up.

Anyhow, because I was up so late the night before, I slept in til about 8am the next morning. The kids were really great about not waking us up when they got up, but I could definitely hear their footsteps and whispers. When I finally did get up, I went downstairs and popped the cinnamon buns in the oven. Then we got down to the business of stockings and presents. I like to go around opening one present at a time, and savoring the opening and the looks of surprise and everyone getting to see what was gifted. I think this usually lasts for about three rounds and then it disintegrates into a frenzy of paper, boxes, and exclamations.

The Husband he said he chose presents for me because he wanted to support my hobbies – In one box I got a variety of safety lights to use while running. Like four or five different kinds. He said he didn’t know what I would like so he just bought a variety. That’s kind of his modus operandi – give Wife lots of options. He also got me some cooking utensils specifically for camping – which I appreciated because I have been just taking things from the kitchen on our camping trip, and then leaving them in the camp box when I get home, and forgetting that I took them, and then spending months afterwards wondering where the grill tongs were. Now I have lightweight tongs just for camping. Also two different kinds of running socks – he actually went to a running store and talked to someone, which is, I think, the real present for me. And then some magnetic cable managers because the kids had gotten into my previous set and pulled the magnets out of them and it made me so mad. This is actually another standard gifting strategy of the Husband’s. Find what makes Wife mad, and fix it. And I guess the biggest present is he got me a National Parks Pass. I’m really excited to use it – I guess I should start planning some ideas! I’ve been told I need to use it four or five times to make it worth it… so challenge accepted!

The kids handed me this Shoe box:

This is the lid – i never got a picture of the whole thing together.

And inside:

Apparently I’m raising magpies.

Which is hilarious because all week I’ve been seeing them put things in this shoe box and I figured it was just them playing. But they were collecting a present for me. I don’t know if it’s visible, but there is a half eaten peanut butter pretzel in there. The whole thing made me laugh really hard.

After presents, there was lazing around playing with new toys, and reading of new books. Much sugar and carbs were consumed. We FaceTimed with my parents. We had meant to video chat with the Husband’s sister, but she was in England so the timing didn’t work out. I did some packing for our overnight the next day. The Husband and the two littles and I did squeeze in a walk early in the afternoon, which was lovely since the weather was so mild.

Post Present Lazing…
They finally got dressed!

The ten year old did not come with us for our walk, as getting out of her pjs is not part of her perfect Christmas plan. I love this picture because it shows her enjoying three of her presents at once, (well, four if you count the pjs): 1) Books, which I had the person at the local bookstore help me choose – something for a ten year old who likes books with “just kissing”, I said, 2) these funny hats my cousin sent from Taiwan – she had a friend bring them back to the US and mail them to us. The hats have ears that flop when you squeeze the long tails, and 3) travel pillow – all the kids got travel pillows in anticipation of our Spring Break Trip.

After our walk, we came home and I made dinner while the Husband and kids watched Elf. I had never made a whole roast lamb leg before, so that was exciting. It turned out really well, and was surprisingly easy. I’ve decided that meat is pretty easy – season/marinade, stick it in oven. Wait. Pull it out when it’s the right temperature. Any success I have with roasting meat I credit to the Thermapen. When we bought it I thought it was a lot of money to spend on a cooking thermometer, but it’s amazing – accurate, fast and easy to use. It’s my secret weapon for never overcooking meat.

Christmas Dinner: Roast Lamb Leg, pan fried broccoli, sweet rolls, scalloped potatoes, butternut squash salad (not the best), and rainbow Jello (aka Salad to my Midwestern Husband). The ten year old made the Jello, and she might not have stirred it all the way til the powder dissolved, which is why it kind of looks like a tsunami. But I figure she will make it at least twice a year (Thanksgiving and Christmas) so she’ll eventually get the hang of it. I love the rainbow Jello more than I let on, though I refuse to call it salad. This Christmas, I was really excited to find blue and purple Jello at the store so we could really have all the rainbow colours in it.

Christmas dinner

After dinner, we cleaned up, and I made the sauce of the sticky toffee pudding and we went downstairs and watched Meet Me in St. Louis and ate dessert. Which I might have slept through. As I do every year. Probably I’ve seen the whole move by this point, just not all at once. I think staying up late Christmas Eve just makes me ready to crash after Christmas dinner. Everyone else really loves this movie, though – they like to sing, “Meet me in St. Louis, Louis!” while skipping around.

Then it was promptly to bed since we were getting up early and going on a mini road trip the next morning. All in all a lovely quiet day with just the five of us.

Random Notes/Thoughts:

One thing we usually do that we skipped this year was is set up the computer in the dining room so we could track Santa on the NORAD website. We’ve done this the past two years, but this year we went to Christmas Eve service and it felt like we didn’t have time to set up the computer when we got home. I kind of missed doing that. Oh well, next year. (I should put this on my Christmas spreadsheet now!)

Winning presents. I think all the presents were big hits, but there were some stand outs:
– Speak and Spell. The Husband ordered this for the five year old, but all the kids really loved playing with it. I remember my friend had one when we were growing up, but I hadn’t thought about it until the Husband mentioned that he had bought it. The kids loved it. I realized that this is the kind of toy that is probably now replaced by an app on a personal device, so it was kind of nice that they had an analog version to play with. (Interestingly, because the five year old is in a French immersion program, we are told not to teach him how to spell as French letters and sounds are different from English ones. So I was on the fence about whether or not I should let him play with the Speak and Spell. But then I told myself to get over myself and stop overthinking things.)
– Fashion sketchpad for the 10 year old. I’m trying to really lean into the 10 year old’s interests, and lately she has been sketching a lot of dresses. This sketchpad is cool because at the front there are pictures of different styles of sleeves, necklines, skirts, pants, etc. And on the pages are predrawn bodies that you can draw clothes onto. And then, if you photocopy or scan the images, the pre-drawn bodies don’t show up, just what you’ve drawn. I did have a moment where I wondered if I really liked getting the ten year old something that had a limited palette of body types, but then I told myself, again, to stop overthinking things.
–Succulent Subscription (3 months) for the Husband. I saw this on the Modern Mrs. Darcy blog and when the ten year old said she wanted to get the Husband plants for his office, this seemed perfect. Every month he will recieve three succuents in the mail. I had hoped the first shipment would arrive in time for Christmas, but they didn’t so I just printed out a certificate for him.
– Mini packs of Cereal. This was the stocking stuffer win. I got each person a different mini pack of that sugary cereal that we only buy for birthday week – Froot Loops, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms, Apple Jacks. The baby did not understand that her cereal was the one in her stocking and proceeded to open and eat all the cereal.

Oddest gift – The Husband gave the three year old a box of weather stripping. I don’t know what was up with that. I think he had ordered it on Amazon and then realized that she had the least number of presents so wrapped the box. He does like to give “house” presents, which I think is funny and sweet. Of course the three year old didn’t care – she just liked ripping wrapping paper off boxes.

An excerpt from my journal entry from Christmas 2021, an interesting snapshot:
“Good things: Sleeping Queens, Ansel’s Hat, Lawn Mower” [These are presents that we still use/play with, though the plastic bubble blowing lawn mower is falling a part a little]
“Sticky Toffee Pudding. Cornish Game hens. Fine once I cooked them enough.” [And shortly after we bought the Therma pen]
“Buns not rising in time for dinner” [This was actually quite tragic for me, which is why I made the buns early this year]
“Sixty degree weather” [Same as this year]
“Saying Hello to Elsa” [Our neighbor. This year, I sent the kids over with some Asian Pears and cookies – the gift of choice from my Taiwanese soul.]

I love seeing how things stay the same – it makes it feel like we are finding our Christmas family rhythm. For now.

Weekly recap + what we ate: The week before Christmas

Happy New Year. And just like that we are in a new year, another revolve around the sun. I feel like I am just now digging my self out of all the mounds of wrapping paper and packing material and dirty dishes and carbs that is the wake of Christmas. All evidence of our good fortune to have gifts to wrap and food to dirty dishes, so I can’t see it all as too much of a burden to reset.

The week that was before Christmas was… very full. Perhaps a little too full in some areas. I was reading my journal entry from the week before Christmas last year, 2021, and this reflection struck me:
“I feel like I’m doing that thing where I do a lot of last minute Christmas buying, and it’s a little out of control… There are an infinite number of things that are designed to be minorly useful but majorly appealing in the Christmas rush. I just need to resist. And think what would actually add value if given right now. Too many presents dull the worth of each thing. On paper, two or three toys doesn’t seem like a lot, but on Christmas Day, it is enough.”
As I ventured out to stores last week, I kept thinking of those thoughts that 2021 me wrote. It seemed like there was a huge list of stocking stuffers, groceries, and last minute presents to procure. And at one point, I simply told myself, “Okay, I’m done.” The mental and financial wells were just tapped. So on Thursday I decided that I was not going to anymore stores – I don’t know by what industrial complex I was feeling pressured to keep going to stores, but I was ready to stop listening to it. There were still things on my shopping list, but I realized that list was so arbitrary. And the list didn’t make Christmas, or family memories, or times of peace and relaxation. So I migrated some of the things on that list to the birthday list – because they were fun ideas that I thought the kids might still enjoy – or I put them on the “everyday” list – because they were necessary things that I masqueraded as Christmas present, but which I should just buy for the kids anyway because they needed them – and I stayed home and made three batches of cookie dough. And went to the theatre with friends. And went to the movies with the family. And went to church. And savored the biting cold. And was grateful that I wasn’t trying to drive or fly anywhere.

Fun and Festive things from the week:
–Celebrating our anniversary. Our sitter had to cancel at the last minute because she wasn’t feeling well, and I was a little bummed. But the ten year old, made us a banner and cut out paper hearts and put them on the couch in front of the TV and told the Husband and I that we could have a movie date at home and she would take care of the two little kids. And she did. I had already made dinner, so she fed the kids and kept them entertained and brought the Husband and I dinner in the basement as well. It was the sweetest thing. The Husband and I watched See How They Run, an Agatha Christie inspired murder mystery set against a production of The Mousetrap. It was highly entertaining and funny and so very meta. Then after the movie, instead of turning on something else on to watch, we decided to turn off the tv and just read books while sitting on the couch together as the ten year old (tried to) put her siblings to bed. It was not the evening that we planned, but it was pretty nice. (And a lot cheaper than what we had planned.)

She even made a banner! And actually it’s our 13th Anniversary.

– Zoolights. We met up with some friends for the Zoo’s holiday light display. This was the first year that the Zoo has held Zoolights since the pandemic, and people had to sign up for tickets in advance, which made it a lot less crowded than it used to be. That certainly made navigating the zoo a lot easier than in the past. The lights were beautiful, and there were some new lantern animals. We were a little disappointed, though, that the animal houses weren’t open; in the past, some of the animal houses were open so we could see animals as well as lights. Oh well. Things change. It was a pretty late night. After we spent a few hours walking through the lights, we went to an Indian restaurant for dinner, and by the time we got done with dinner it was almost 10:00pm and we still had about a 45 minute metro ride home. I will say the kids were all real troopers with all the walking and the late dinner – they were a little restless at dinner, but didn’t complain. They were probably too tired to whine. On the way home, the baby sat on my lap for the train ride home. And fell asleep. Then while sleeping, peed on my lap. It was probably all that water she drank during dinner. Any thought I had that she might be ready to night time toilet train… well that answered that. When we got home around 10:30p, I carried her home – the Husband offered, but I figured only one of us needed to be pee soaked. But even with arriving home pee soaked, it had been a pretty wonderful evening.

Zoolights!

–Making Holiday Cards with the Kids. I wanted the kids to do something hands on for the teacher cards, so I used painter’s tape to create some images on cards and had the kids paint over it. Once the cards were dry, we peeled off the painter’s tape and voila! Some of the cards turned out a little runny because the baby spilled an entire container of water all over the cards, but I think it gave the cards and nice blurred quality. I always like this technique because it’s pretty simple to execute, but I think highly effective visually. The kids even made some of their own designs too.

paint drying
finished product

– Seeing a musical. I went to see a production of Beauty and The Beast with my friend and her kids. Originally the ten year old was supposed to come, but she wasn’t feeling well, so I took the five year old and the three year old instead. The three year old did pretty well, although she got upset when Belle and her father was separated and spent the rest of the show cuddling on my lap. Afterwards she said, “I like the show, but I don’t want to go back there again.” Not sure how to interpret that. I had a good time, though. I did feel like the show itself is a touch too long – it’s pretty much the Disney movie with four or five additional songs, and it seemed like it took a long time for Belle and the Beast to meet and start their journey. Despite that, the production felt really special because of the casting of the leads; Belle was played by a self described “queer curvy” Black actor, and the Beast was played by an actor who had only one leg. (There’s a story in People Magazine about the production.) And at first, I though they were going to take a “blind” approach to the casting, where we weren’t supposed to notice that one actor had a peg leg or one actor was a different body type than what you would usually see onstage, but then I noticed they changed some of the words (replaced “fair” with “fine”, took out places where the word “fat” was used), and then there was a moment (spoiler here… ) at the end, when Gaston and the Beast are fighting when Gaston grabbed the Beasts artificial leg and it was just stunning. You could see that this production wasn’t pretending that the two people playing the lead were stereotypical fairy tale storybook leads – their idea of “Beauty” was based on more than superficial appearances. It was a really bold statement to make onstage.

–Celebrating Hannukah with friends – The friends we went to the theatre with were Jewish and they invited us back to their house for dinner and to light Hannukah candles after the show. It was a lovely evening with friends, especially since our kids are all of the age where they can just play with each other and the adults can talk and have a beer and not constantly worry about what the kids were doing. And to top it all off, my friends even gave me an early birthday present – a camping chair! They are avid campers and every time I go camping, I have always borrowed a chair from them, and now I have my own. I’m so delighted that my friend and I can now sit in matching camp chairs by the camp fire.

“On this night, let us light…”

–Seeing It’s A Wonderful Life in the movie theatre. There is movie theatre near us that was showing classic Christmas movies and on Christmas Eve, they had a matinee of It’s A Wonderful Life, so we got tickets and went to see it. We always watch It’s a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve, and I thought this might be an extra special way to watch it. We took the bus to the movie theatre – discovering a new to us bus route that is a block closer to our house than the bus route we would have usually taken to the theatre – that felt pretty awesome, to discover a new bus route. And we got popcorn and soda – though I accidentally dropped my popcorn on the floor as I was leaving the concession stand, and I almost had a meltdown over that tiny thing, but the theatre gave me another bag to make up for it.
A nice touch was that the film was introduced by Jeremy Arnold, a film historian, who talked about the history of the movie. He pointed out how there is a film noir tone to the movie and how Frank Capra’s movie encompasses so many film styles, which I had never thought about before, but it did made me appreciate the craft of the film a little more. Also – fun tidbit, the film won a technical Oscar for an innovative way of creating snowfall. There sure is a lot of snowfall in the movie! The kids seemed to have a good time, though the three year old eventually ended up in my lap again. And fell asleep. And then peed in my lap. Perhaps having her split a large soda with me and her brother wasn’t such a great idea. So yes, twice in one week, a sleeping child peed in my lap.
It was pretty bitterly cold when we left the movie, and I hadn’t brought a change of clothes for the baby, so I gave her my puffer vest to wear in hopes that she wouldn’t be too cold in her pee soaked pants. We popped into the mall in hopes of buying her some pants, but then the husband saw that the next bus home was arriving in two minutes, so we decided just to get on the bus. At which point I discovered that I had left my phone at the movie theatre. The Husband and kids got on the bus and I went back to try to find my phone, which at first no one had seen and I was starting to panic, but then the lady at the ticked desk asked around and someone did end up having it. All in all, it was a lot of excitement for one afternoon.

–Our Christmas Eve Tradition. The Husband’s family had a tradition of reading The Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. (I guess technically it’s A Visit from St. Nicholas, but no one calls it that, do they?) My late mother-in-law had about a dozen copies of the poem in picture book form and when she passed, we brought them all into our home. Our Christmas Eve tradition is after church, we have dinner, then the kids get Christmas pjs, and we read The Night Before Christmas, each person picking out one copy to read from. We go around taking turns reading and we show each other the pictures in our books and compare how each artist interpreted the poem. This year, I bought a new version to add to our collection – I had come across Loren Long’s version while picking up some stocking stuffers at Barnes and Noble and I loved how he rotates the story through several different households. I thought it felt like a really fresh take on the poem.

Not all houses have fireplaces…

And then we were at Christmas, which I’ll save for another post…

Grateful for:
– The ten year old’s faith in Santa. I don’t know if she still truly believes in Santa. But she believes in the magic of him – she helps her younger siblings write letters to Santa and tells them about him. She puts out cookies and milk on Christmas Eve, and even writes him a letter, expecting a reply. It’s pretty magical.
-The Husband being safe. One day last week, it was raining and the weather was awful, and he got into a car accident. It was pretty ugly, but I’m really glad that he wasn’t hurt.
-The local Botanical Gardens. I was feeling really overwhelmed one day, and I decided to go to the Botanical Gardens to sit and it was the pause I needed that day.
-Connecting with friends.

One last thing… I was pretty flabbergasted by this display which I saw in the grocery store as I was on the hunt for candy canes. (Which, incidentally, I had a really difficult time finding. I finally found one box of small candy canes tucked way in the back of a shelf at Target.).

I couldn’t find candy canes during the week before Christmas, but I could stock up for Valentine’s Day. Wow.

What We Ate:
Saturday: I went out to dinner with my friend – there was a band playing at the local Irish pub, and she knew one of the musicians so we went to listen.

Sunday: Can’t remember…

Monday: Turkey meatballs with pasta and red sauce.

Tuesday: Stir fried vegetables with noodles, and stir fried cabbage from Vegetarian Chinese Soul Food by Hsiao-Ching Chou. I borrowed this cookbook from the library in an attempt to cook more vegetarian food and I love how simple and flavorful the recipes are.

Wednesday: Indian food after Zoo Lights

Thursday: Vegetarian Chili from The Weekday Vegetarian. This chili’s secret ingredient was dark chocolate – which gave it a smoky mole flavor. I would put a little less chocolate in it next time – the chocolate flavor was a little pronounced.

Friday: Peruvian Chicken and Pizza Take Out

Saturday: Frozen tortellini and red sauce.

Sunday: Christmas Dinner – roast lamb leg (used this recipe), butternut squash salad (from America’s Test Kitchen. no one really ate this; it was a little undercooked), Scalloped potatoes, Jello ribbon salad (from my Mother In Law’s recipe), Filipino sweet rolls (this recipe from Saveur), broccoli (simply seared in pan with salt and pepper), and sticky toffee pudding for dessert.

Favorite Gifts

Berry Bowl.

Okay, I will say something that will make me sound horribly ungrateful and spoiled: I don’t like when people give me presents. To clarify – I’m always touched and honoured when people give me presents; that I deserve the time and attention it took for them to think of me is flattering. But the actual moment when a wrapped or bagged something is handed to me … I don’t love that. I find it awkward. Usually I’m caught unawares. I don’t like having to pretend to like something that I think is an odd gift- I have a terrible poker face. And I’m a little picky about things that take up space in my life. Also, I don’t like being the center of attention for that one moment. It seems like such a public situation for a gesture that feels oddly intimate. I think in my ideal world, presents would be quietly left at my door – a pleasant, private surprise.

My family of origin is pretty big on just giving money. Twenty dollar bills slipped into a card, a red envelope pressed into my hand at the end of the visit, even something on a larger scale like paying for me to go to college. They do give things sometimes, but more often than not, it’s money. I’m sure part of it is that money is easy to transfer, no transport or wrapping required. Not having to struggle to put it on a plane home. Also, it’s the most practical gift, right? Impersonal, perhaps? But if you think about it… it’s personal in an impersonal way. The Red Envelopes say to me, “I love you, and I know the best thing I can do for you is to give you cold hard cash because that’s what you really need.”

I’m also going to say, I love the Husband, but his presents don’t fall into the category of “favorite gifts.” They are more in the category of “gifts I love because I use them every day.” The Husband gets me gifts that are practical. Usually he replaces my electronics because I’m very slow to replace it myself. He doesn’t give romantic presents, but I make it hard for him. I don’t like flowers, I don’t wear jewelery. While I will eat most chocolate, I like picking it out for myself. I keep an Amazon wish list, but I’m always saying to him, “Don’t buy that thing on the list – I was just bookmarking it for reference later.” Very helpful of me, I know. Okay, I hate to say it… that’s the main thing… I like picking things out for myself. Part of me thinks, there are so many things I like and would pick out for myself yet am hesitating on getting because I don’t feel ready to have it in my life yet – why would I want this other thing that someone else picks out for me. Which is why the Husband and I keep gift lists. gah. I feel like I’m coming off as really petty and ungracious here. I love the thought and care that he puts into thinking about what I need and what I like, I really do. He doesn’t always get it right, but he does put a lot of thought into it.

All that to say, getting presents makes me pretty uncomfortable. I’m working on my ability to not look gift horses in the mouth and just feel fortunate and savor the giver. Over the years, there have been some gifting experiences that have really stood out. I read a Vox article this week on gift giving. The experts in the article present these three questions for choosing a thoughtful gift:
“Can I introduce someone to something they would not otherwise know about? Can I give them a nicer version of something than they would buy for themselves? Or can I make them feel seen?”
Check one of those boxes, the article says, and you’ll probably have a good present. I think the favorite present that I’ve received fall into that last category of “being seen.” When I think back on all the gifts that I’ve been given, the ones that have moved me the most are the ones where I felt like someone was really paying attention. So here are three of my most memorable gifting experiences as a recipient. There are definitely more, of course, but these three are particularly special to me. And only one of them happened on Christmas.

The Best Opening Night Present: Opening night presents are a thing at my work. Often it’s chocolate or some consumable. There have been a few standout ones for me: I had one stage manager who gave us Playmobile pirates because we were working on a show set on a British warship. And there was one boss who gave us all copies of the film Groundhog Day because about 90% of the rehearsal process was spent on one twenty minute scene and we had to do that scene over and over and over and over until the director felt like we got it right. It involved moving a lot of tables to reset for the top. One show, the director was from New York before he went home for the day off before opening, he asked us, “Do you want anything from New York?” I said, jokingly, “Those bagels from H&H are really good.” And on opening night, he came in with a huge bag of everything bagels! “The whole train smelled like everything seasoning,” he told us.

But by far my favorite opening night present came from a director, Andrew, who sadly passed away last year. I had worked with him several times in a couple different cities and on this show I was his Assistant Director. On opening night, he was passing out bottles of wine. He had impeccable taste and it was top notch wine. Wine is a pretty common opening night present. I don’t drink myself, but I always bring the wine home and have it with guests or use it for cooking. We have a shelf of opening night wine in our basement. When he got to me, however, Andrew handed me this Tupperware container. Inside was a huge chunk of Roquefort cheese. “I knew you didn’t drink,” he told me, “So I asked you husband what you liked. And he said you liked stinky cheese. So I went to the cheese shop and asked for the stinkiest cheese they could give me. And I put it in Tupperware so you could carry it home safely.”

I loved so many things about this. First that he knew that I didn’t drink so he wanted to get me something else. (I have literally gotten a card on opening night that said, “I know you don’t drink, but take this home to your husband.” It was from a dear friend of mine, but the note was not tongue in cheek at all.) And then he contacted the Husband. And I love that the Husband knew exactly what would make me happy. And the Tupperware was the best touch. I still use that blue rimmed Rubbermaid container and think of him. It was the best opening night present ever.

The Berry Bowl: I love hand thrown pottery. It’s such a functional way to incorporate art into the every day. There is a pottery group near me that always had a holiday sale in December and I loved going and looking at all the pottery, often buying gifts for family or friend there. One Christmas, my good friend Kristen and I went to the Holiday sale. She was looking for something for her parents. There was a berry bowl that I kept staring at, then I’d move on, then I’d come back and stare at it again. It was a pretty humble brown berry bowl, but something about it really attracted me. Maybe it was just the idea of having a berry bowl. I could see myself filling it with berries, rinsing them off, letting the water drain, and then snacking on the berries one by one… in the morning for breakfast, in the afternoon, while reading a book… I wanted to be the kind of person who put enough care and intention in their life that they would have a berry bowl, rather than my usual process of just dumping the berries in a regular bowl, dousing them with water, and then draining the water through my fingers, always loosing one or two berries into the dirty sink in the process. But at the same time, it seemed like one of those super specific things that … why? Why do I need a bowl just for berries in my life? Anyhow, towards the end of the afternoon, my friend said, “That berry bowl would be perfect for my parents. Can we go back and get it?” I said yes, happy that someone would get to have something as frivolous as a berry bowl.
We walked to the car, and I hugged my friend good-bye, “Merry Christmas!” I said. And she said, “Merry Christmas. This is for you.” And handed me the bag with the berry bowl in it. “You really seemed to want it,” she said.

The Hand Made Paper Flower: This one isn’t a Christmas gift either. It was the first week working on a new show and I had a meeting scheduled with the prop master the next day to go over all the props for the show. I was also having a miscarriage. The prop master came into my office to confirm our meeting. “I have to re-schedule,” I told her, “I have an appointment tomorrow.”

I must have looked upset, or something because she asked me, “Are you okay?”

And because I think people should not have to hide these things or pretend like it’s nothing, I said to her, “I’m having a d&c tomorrow because I’ve miscarried.”

And she said, “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. Do what you have to do. We’ll look at props whenever you’re ready.”

When I came back to the office two days later, I found a bouquet of yellow paper flowers on my desk, stuck in a ginger beer bottle. No note or anything. I was too numb and exhausted to feel anything other than a flutter of gratitude for her quiet gesture. Her acknowledgement that I just went through something hard really helped me not feel so alone at work that day. Because I didn’t really want people’s words of sympathies or looks of pity or co-workers walking on eggshells around me. I just wanted life to carry on as normal even when it didn’t feel that way. Afterwards, I thanked her for the flowers, and she said, “I just wanted to do something to brighten your day.”

This prop master no longer works at the opera, but the flowers are still on my desk and I think of her whenever I see them.

What has been your favorite/most memorable/cherished gift receiving experience?

Weekly Recap + What we ate: Christmas is around the corner! Try not to panic.

Christmas Train Display at the Trolley Museum.

The festive events are starting to really populate our calendar. Last weekend, we took the kids to the Trolley Museum for their holiday display and trolley ride with Santa. This checked a lot of boxes on the Holiday fun list – there was model trains, Santa, and crafts. The two little kids went on the trolley ride twice so got to ask Santa for toys twice. The first time, the baby asked for a rubber crocodile. The second time, both kids asked for a train set. Spoiler alert – they are not getting a rubber crocodile.

Sunday the ten year old and I went Christmas shopping at the mall. I haven’t done that in an age! We also had lunch there, and there was a really tasty Korean noodle place in the food court. I love how food court options have really expanded since I was a kid. The ten year old had Shake Shack. I find malls a little exhausting for all the choice that is there. We were there to get calendars, but also ended up in the candy store. There were wine gums and Dairy Milk, so I guess it was an okay pit stop. The we stopped at Michaels and we indulged in that fad of taking pictures in the floral section:

Monday was Merry TubaChristmas! It’s a concert where tuba players of all ages from across the region get together to play Christmas carols. The Husband and I have been going to TubaChristmas since we were dating; it’s one of our Christmas must dos. I think one year I was working and couldn’t go, but except for that year, and 2020, we’ve gone every December. It’s always fun to go see all the tubas decorated for the holidays and to hear them play Christmas tunes and feel the floor vibrate for the very lowest notes. They always invite the kids up to sing Jingle Bells, and the three year old took to the stage without hesitation, with the ten year old running up behind her to make sure she could get up onstage okay. The five year old didn’t want to go up at first, but when he saw that his sisters were both up there, he went up too.

That’s a lot of brass. And there were even more in the balconies.

The rest of the week was pretty chill. There was a “snow” delay on Wednesday because of an anticipated storm. It ended up just being rainy and cold, but I was still fine with school starting two hours later and having a slower morning.

I went to the library one day and hoped to pick up some holiday/Christmas books, but the pickings were super slim. I guess that is to be expected mid-December. I usually go the week leading into Christmas but since I wasn’t really going to do Advent books this year, I didn’t feel the same sense of urgency. Maybe I should just buy some more Christmas picture books?

The five year old’s class had a gingerbread house decorating event on Friday morning, which I went to. It was actually graham crackers attached to small milk cartons with frosting, but I’m sure it’s all the same as long as there is a surface to attach candy. Lessons learned:
– Get the thick popsicle sticks to spread frosting. The tongue depressor size.
– do not get the shrink wrapped candy canes. By the time you get the plastic off there are broken pieces and frustrated kids.
– the cutting edge on the Saran Wrap is sharp.
-kids like decorating with those red and white peppermint candies, but do not like to eat them.

Also … one parent brought Hot Tamales candy. I thought that was a curious choice. Maybe a little unfortunate for those kids who were unfamiliar with them and thought they were Mike and Ikes. But I don’t know… maybe there are kids out there who like Hot Tamales? My did certainly did not.

Thank goodness for the mask, otherwise enforcing the “no licking, no eating” rule would have been hard.

One week til Christmas and hopefully I’m in an okay place. On the to do list still:
-grocery shop. I have the menu mostly planned.
– Holiday cards for the kids teachers. We’re going to paint some blank cards this weekend. I have to pick up some gift cards to go in them this week.
-Put our Christmas cards in the mail. They are all addressed and stamped, I just have to walk them down to the mailbox. This feels pretty late. Every year I say I’ll do it sooner, but it never works out that way.
– Order presents for my brother’s family. They don’t celebrate Christmas so I’m not that concerned with making the December 25th deadline for this.
-Order present for my parents. I’m gifting them Storyworth this year. It’s a service that sends the recipient weekly questions about their life and the recipient writes and answer, and can upload pictures. At the end of 52 weeks, the company take all the answers and put them together in a book. It’s a virtual gift so I don’t feel panicked about that either, as long as I order it this week sometime.
-Pickup one last present for the 10 year old. She wanted some Barbie accessories. This stuff was specifically on her letter to Santa. I’m always surprised that she still plays with Barbies, but I think she just really likes setting up little scenes. I’m going to pick up some plates and tiny food from the craft store. (The stuff says “for decoration only. Not a toy.” so I had a moment of pause. But I figure it’s fine for a ten year old.) The rest of the kids’ presents are mostly done. I think. The Husband is in charge of the toys. I try to stick to some version of “Want, need, read, wear” categories for the kids, plus one Santa gift. I take care of the “need, read, wear” and the Husband does “want” and “Santa”. Clearly he’s the fun parent.
-Stocking stuffers – mostly candy and snack food, but other things if the mood strikes. Last year, in a somewhat self-serving mood, I got everyone a small kitchen gadget. This year we’ve got small things from the arts supply store and matchbox cars so far.
-Maybe one more present for the Husband if I can make it to the right store.
– organize some activities and playdates for the winter break. Also buy tickets to a Christmas movie.
-Pre-make cookie dough. We’re having some kids over to decorate cookies during winter break.

So not too much, I hope, to get done in one week if I’m purposeful about it.

Speaking of baking… I’ve been thinking about my Holiday Baking aspirations. Most of my ideas this year comes from the Cooks Illustrated Holiday Baking magazine – some of the recipes are a little fussy, so the holidays are the perfect time, I feel, to put in the effort. This year I would like to bake:
-Molasses cookes (chewy and spicy kind)
– Sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies for decorating
-Sticky Toffee Pudding, our traditional Christmas dessert
-Eggnog Bundt cake. Because the Bundt pan I got this year has been woefully underused.
-Cinnamom buns for Christmas morning, as is our tradition. This I usually use the recipe from either The Irish Pantry or King Arthur’s Flour.
-Chex mix. Have to have something savory.
-rolls for Christmas Dinner.
-And I’ve already made apple cranberry crisp. It was a recipe from that Cooks Illustrated magazine and it was a great way to use up the leftover bowl of cranberry sauce from Thanksgiving. I’m going to put this crisp into post Thanksgiving rotation because we always have so much leftover cranberry sauce.

My holiday cooking bible.

Grateful for This Week:
– The ten year old’s school music program. They had their Holiday Choral Concert this year and it was really cute. At her old school, Choir was an extracurricular so kids had to opt in to do it and got pulled out of class. At her new school, it’s just part of the regular music class. I really like that the school feels like music performance is important enough that all kids should participate.
– Finding parking just a half block from the restaurant on Monday night after TubaChristmas. Also grateful for the Restaurant itself, Chinatown Express, where tehy hand make their noodles. We went to this restaurant, partly because the Husband had been there with the kids the day before and had left the 5 year old’s hat there. So aside from this place having really really good food, we had a practical reason for going there. But… it is also smack in the middle of Chinatown, next to the arena and there was a game that night so parking was a challenge. We circled the area for about fifteen minutes and were about to give up when someone pulled out and we snagged their parking spot. And it was just a half block from the restaurant. A true holiday miracle. And the staff at the restaurant are always super nice and they put up with my attempts to speak half in Chinese and they smile when the kids’ say “xie xie.” The biggest surprise was that the baby loves Chinese broccoli! She grabbed the thick stalk in her hand and just chowed down on it and then had two more pieces. She ate a vegetable!!! So exciting!
– Libraries and librarians. I had a book that I just can’t find – it’s in the house somewhere, but I don’t know where it ended up. Anyhow because of that book being waaaay overdue, there is a hold on my library card. I was going to just pay for the book, but the librarian gave me that sly look that they do and just clicked a few things and electronically returned the book and re-checked it out to me. “I’m just going to give you nine more weeks to find it,” she said to me.
– Not being at my old summer job. I’ve been off Facebook for over a year now, but this week, I popped back on as I was doing Christmas cards and I have a few friends who had gotten married and I had to Facebook stalk them to figure out the correct last names to put on the cards. Anyhow… it was kind of an overwhelming vortex black hole of … noise and news and happenings. Before I could log off, I saw a whole bunch of posts about this one company that I used to work for. I had left under difficult circumstances, and I had been very sad to leave, and I always somewhat regret not being there still. It’s also a part of why I no longer log into Facebook since I found I couldn’t deal with seeing any news about the company or my colleagues and friends working there. Anyhow the company now seem to be embroiled in some union negotiations that are, let’s just say, not going well. The whole thing just seems really sad and toxic. Over the past five years I’ve have bouts of great sadness about not working there anymore and I really miss my colleagues and the work we did, but after reading about the union negotiations that are happening, I am really glad I’m not part of the contentiousness happenings and drama.

Looking forward to:
-Anniversary Date Night with Husband. We hired a sitter and everything!
-Zoolights with friends.
– Going to see a musical with the ten year old and the five year old and our friends!
-Ticking everything off my Holiday to do list above.
-Christmas dinner and family time.

What We Ate:
Saturday: Pizza (Husband made) and Arthur Christmas (see my last post for the run down on that movie).

Sunday: Sheetpan baked gnocchi. This was one of those pantry dinners that never seem like pantry dinners. Toss whatever roastable veggies I have in olive oil, salt and pepper – in this case it was butternut squash, broccoli, mushrooms, onions, turnip, rutabaga – add gnocchi. Pour into sheet pan. Roast for 25-30 mins.

Monday: Dinner out at Chinatown Express – we had duck noodle soup, roast pork stir-fried noodles (both these dishes with fresh noodles), Chinese broccoli with oyster sauce, green sauteed with garlic, soup dumping, pork dumpling and kung pao chicken. So much food! Sooooo good!

Tuesday: Kale Saag Paneer from Meera Sodha’s East. I had a bunch of heavy cream and half and half to use up as well as two bunches of kale, so this seemed like a good recipe to use. The paneer didn’t turn out great – I think using heavy cream instead of all half and half makes for a softer paneer so the texture didn’t quite hold up in the saag.

Wednesday: Farrotto with roasted butternut squash and brussel sprouts from The Weekday Vegetarians. This was billed as risotto but with farro. It never got as creamy as risotto, but it was still pretty tasty.

Thursday: Red lentils from The Weekday Vegetarians. Vegan. Something quick and tasty that we could eat before the 10 year old’s holiday concert.

Friday: Pizza (take out) and Charlie Brown Christmas and The Ted Lasso Holiday Special from last year.



Holiday Movie 2022 Recap #1

    Halfway through the month so I thought I’d run down the Holiday Movies we/I’ve watched so far. Spoilers ahead.

    First off, the Non-Hallmark stuff:
    Spirited – Musical on AppleTV with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds. The Ghosts of Christmas (a la Christmas Carol) try to redeem one person in our modern world. There are big musical numbers, tuneful yet forgettable songs, lots of funny bits and lots of heartfelt bits. I liked it mostly for a) Octavia Spencer being all sorts of charming and sassy while singing, b) Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynold’s great chemistry, c) the dance numbers, d) the clever wit. I did not like the plot detail of one child cyber-bulling another. I had a good time watching this movie, but I’d be very reluctant to watch it again.

    Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special – We picked this because it was short and we could fit it in after the ten year old’s Friday night basketball practice. I thought this had all the good holiday warm fuzzy ingredients: Aliens trying to understand this “Christmas” thing, human re-discovering the spirit of the season, family, a dash of action, a big dash of quirky humor and so many Christmas lights. If you’re looking for a 45 minute holiday pick me up, this would definitely fill that.

    Arthur Christmas: Animated film from 2011 about Santa’s sons – one of whom, Steve, has optimized the gift delivery process to such a high tech degree so that everything happens as stealthily and efficiently as possible, and another son, Arthur, who answers the letters and has to save the day when one lone present gets left behind. Even though this movie came out eleven years ago, I’d never heard of it. It was on every single “Family Christmas Movie” list that I googled, so I figured there was something to it. I thought this movie was wonderful – it’s funny and smart but also has some really heartfelt moments. We laughed so so hard. I also loved the “peek behind the scenes of Santa’s workshop” aspect of it. And the cast – James McAvoy, Jim Broadbent, Imelda Staunton, Hugh Laurie, and Bill Nighy as Grandpa Claus and Laura Linney as Santa’s computer-was perfect.

    AND… the Christmas Rom Coms…I have to acknowledge that the rest of the family does not want to watch as many Hallmark Holiday movies as I do. Well, maybe the ten year old. But she loves watching anything on tv.

    (Note – I say “Hallmark”, but really I use that term, probably incorrectly, as a genre rather than a network specific descriptor. I really mean any of those hundreds of cute, fluffy, predictable romantic movies about the holidays that come out this time of year, be it on the Hallmark Channel, or Lifetime, or Hulu, or HBOMax… whatever channel or platform.)

    So while we have watched a couple as a family hunkered on a couch, I have also watched a few on my own as I clean the kitchen at night. It does not (should not) take 90 minutes to clean the kitchen. But sometimes, in December, it does.

    Anyhow, here is what I’ve watched so far, and my thoughts and feelings (Definitely more spoilers ahead!):

    Inventing the Christmas Prince – Rocket scientist widow convinces her grumpy boss to pretend to be The Christmas Prince for her daughter.
    My rom com cat nip: Widows, Grumpy uptight men, diverse leads, stars of the 90s (Tamara Mowry-Housley from Sister, Sister)
    My Take: This movie was cute, though the whole idea of a “Christmas Prince” who grants twenty-four wishes every Christmas season was a little much – I mean if you are going to make up a Christmas legend for your kid, that one seems kind of excessive. Like maybe one or two wishes. But 24 is just setting yourself up for failure.
    The ridiculous: Do rocket scientists really work in cubicles?
    Favorite bit: The pocket protectors for the rocket scientists, and cozy sweaters for everyone else. Actually the cozy sweaters are one of my favorite things in these movies. Seriously, right next to Santa’s toy shop is a knitting shop where elves spend all their time knitting the coziest chunky sweaters for the Holiday movie season. I want them all.

    A Big Fat Family Christmas– Newspaper photographer Liv is teamed up with new reporter Henry to cover the Chang family’s annual holiday party. Twist is, the Chang family is her family and she is trying to keep it under wraps.
    My rom com cat nip: Asian leads, stars of the 90s (Tia Carrere of Wayne’s World)
    My Take: Plot-wise I thought this movie was a little silly. I don’t love screwball “quick hide so people won’t see me” type plots. But the leads were both really cute and charming and I liked how the movie addressed the main character’s feelings about growing up as a minority. Another thing I thought interesting about this movie is that they had all sorts of Asian people in the movie and then felt the need to explain it. Like Tia Carrere is Filipino-American, and her character is married to Yee Jee Tso who is Chinese – and there is a specific line where one character makes reference specifically to the fact that the Tia Carrere character is Filipino. They also go out of their way to explain the background of the main lead, who had a South African accent. So I really appreciate that they didn’t cast a bunch of Asian actors in this movie and pretend they were all Chinese, even if it was a little heavy handed at times.
    The Ridiculous: I spent a lot of the moving thinking that Yee Jee Tso looked way to young to be playing the father figure, then chalked it up to good skin. But then I googled him and he is only two years older than I am.
    Favorite bit – the scene where the Chang family sits around an wraps dumplings. This feels so nostalgic to me, even though I’ve only done it maybe once.

    The Royal Nanny – MI5 agent Claire goes undercover as a nanny with the royal family, winning over prankster children and Prince with the heart of gold.
    My rom com catnip: Nannies, Prince, British accents.
    My Take: The romance component in this one was surprisingly understated to the point of non-existent. The main plot point of this movie revolves around a threat to the king, hence the agent going under cover, and trying to unravel the source of the threats. Also – the main character looks a lot like one of my friends and I spent a lot of the movie just staring at her. I was overall pretty “meh” about this one – there wasn’t a lot of chemistry between the leads and the Royal Family just seemed like any other suburban family with work/life balance problems, only they had body guards and chauffeurs. I wanted something a little more fantasy/magical.
    The Ridiculous: The prince falling in love with Claire pretty much based on a single game of charades. Like I said, the romance component of this movie wasn’t great. Also Claire taking down the villain with nothing but an umbrella was pretty silly.
    Favorite bit: Greta Sacchi as the lady who runs a Nanny school and who trains Claire. I thought her bits were all very clever and entertaining.

    A Christmas Spark – Widowed grandmother goes to visit her daughter in Vermont and gets roped into directing the small town holiday play starring the town’s handsome bachelor.
    My rom com catnip: Widows, putting on a show, mature people in love, stars of the 90s, diverse couples
    My take: I will admit the number one reason I wanted to watch this was because it stars Jane Seymour and Joe Lando. And lest you think the Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman smoldering couple-ness was a fluke, it was/is not. Their chemistry is so off the chart amazing and their banter is adorable. I have to admit I loved this one. I mean how often do people in their 60s/70s get to star in a holiday rom com. Also – Jane Seymour is ageless and Joe Lando wears striped tights.
    The ridiculous: Having a final dress rehearsal where the final monologue isn’t written and then improvising it on the spot on opening night.
    Favorite bit: Any scene that involved Jane Seymour and Joe Lando bantering and making eyes at each other.

    Steppin’ into the Holidays: Out of work former dance show host Billy returns home for the Holidays and helps dance teacher Rae put on her Holiday Dance show.
    My rom com cat nip: Stars of the 90s (Mario Lopez of Saved by the Bell), putting on a show, dance numbers, multicultural family
    My Take: This movie was a little meh, mostly because there wasn’t a whole lot of chemistry between the leads. Regardless, I really liked the other characters – Billy’s family, especially his sister, is a lot of fun. For that matter, so is Rae’s sister. Hmmm … this seems to be a movie where the sisters are more interesting than the leads.
    The Ridiculous: The duet Billy and Rae dance through the strangely deserted streets of town and the very obvious added stick poking out of the street lamp pole so Billy can grab the stick to swing around the street lamp a la Gene Kelly in Singin’ in the Rain. Gene Kelly did not need a support stick.
    Favorite bit: The Christmas show montage. The original dance show evolves to a show featuring talents of the residents in their small town, a decision inspired by the singing firefighter who helped to fix up the barn where they have their show. There’s even a ventriloquist. It’s kind of hilarious and silly.

    The Holiday Sitter: City workaholic bachelor Sam agrees to help his sister out by watching her two kids in the suburbs when the baby their adopting is born early. Out of his depths, Sam enlists his sister’s neighbor Jason to help him out. They like each other.
    My rom com cat nip: gay romance, nannies (well, actually a sitter), babies
    My Take: I thought this movie was really cute and charming. The Chemistry between Sam and Jason was great – I love soulful stares from across the room and there was a good amount of that. Jason was a little too good to be true, but that didn’t bother me because Sam was such a hot mess. I have to say, as I was googling movie reviews to narrow down what to watch, I came across a few sites that refused to review this movie, calling it “not family friendly” and also taking issue with other movies that have gay couples as supporting characters. It’s so disappointing. I want to be fair minded about this all and respect people’s beliefs, but it’s hard. I mean I’m also watching the World cup in Qatar, so maybe I’m not taking a strong enough stance?
    The Ridiculous: Sam’s sister and her husband drive three hours to get the baby they are adopting, and bring home the newborn the day after it is born. Through a snowstorm in Buffalo. I know everyone wants to be home for Christmas, but oof….
    Favorite bit: Jason’s dimples. It’s so shallow, but there you go. Also – Jason, the perfect Uncle, makes some amazing looking pancakes shaped like Christmas trees.

    A Jolly Good Christmas – David, an American working in London, hires Anji to help him find a Christmas present for his girlfriend.
    My rom com cat nip: London, Asian leading lady, interracial romance, British accents
    My Take: I thought this one was pretty good, though movies where the leads fall in love whole-heartedly over 24 hours always strain credulity for me. I always think, “Wait… maybe you want to go on a second date or something first?” Of course I’ve never been one to kiss someone on the first date, so… I also liked that this movie was as much about David as it was about Anji. Sometimes these rom com movies tend to be about the heroine’s journey and the man (typically it’s a man) is this perfect cloud that she has to learn to be worthy of.
    The Ridiculous: see above. Whirlwind romances are not my thing. Also – I know costume choices are a great way to show character development, but the guy who appears at work in the first scene in a three piece suit, and then in the last scene in a velvet blazer worn over a black t-shirt. I don’t know that I buy that wardrobe development.
    Favorite bit: It might be sappy, but Anji’s speech at the climax of the movie where she says, something to the effect of “As a professional shopper I used to think everyone wanted a unique gift, but I’ve learned that everyone wants the same thing… to be loved.” Christmas with a bow right there.

    Whew. That’s a lot for half a month. More to come, though, I’m sure.

    Weekly recap + What we ate: World Cup watching

    Tree coming home.

    Last week was a quiet week; between a sick kid and a supertitle gig I spend most of last week at home. Trying to work, getting distracted, cuddling, and reading.

    The week started with yet another sick child. The five year old had been running a fever all weekend. He’s a good patient and just lay on the couch all weekend, moving to his bed when he got tired of that. We had had plans to get the Christmas tree, and when he still wasn’t feeling better on Sunday, I sent the Husband and other two kids out to get the tree from our local fire station, where we always get our tree. They came home with a nice tall tree, the bifurcated top led the tree to be dubbed Maleficent by the ten year old.

    While they were gone, I strung the outdoor lights. We have a motley assortment of lights and every year I try to remember how I strung them up the year before so that things don’t look too patchwork. We have red and white lights – those go on the front stoop. We have multi coloured lights – those go on the hedge. But those come in two sizes, so I have to be strategic on how those go on. Plus one set actually has a white light setting which we use after Christmas. Then we have one set of white lights that go on the witch hazel tree. Every year it seems like we have too many or not enough but then push, prod, and re-adjust and things work out. I need to just take a picture for posterity.

    The lights for the tree were also kind of a saga. The Husband bought a new set of lights for our tree because one of our string of lights had that cliched section that didn’t light up. Unfortunately, the new strand was not the right quality of white light to match our existing strand, even though both were “warm white” light. The nuances of “warm white” baffles me. So I took our old light strand and swapped out light bulbs until I figured out the problem and managed to move the non-light up section to the end of the strand. Fine, we wadded up the non-light up section and pushed it into the middle of the tree. Lights went up on the tree. Not an hour after we put all the lights on the tree, the middle section of one strand went out. Argh!!!! By this point we were kind of over it and decided to leave everything. There is a swath of unlit tree in the middle of our tree, but we have decided just to live with it. I’m putting a reminder in my phone to buy new lights for next year.

    Ignore that black hole in the middle of the Christmas tree.

    Anyhow the rest of the week: Two days at home with a sick kid, with a trip to the pediatrician whose verdict was some kind of virus. We watched a lot of Snoopy. I tried to convince him to watch Steven Universe, but he was reluctant. I did watch one holiday movie as I worked – Steppin’ into the Holidays.

    The the five year old got better just in time to go back to school for the scheduled half day. (I’m a little baffled by all the random half days and days off that the kids get…) With the half day, I took the five year old and his friend on a walk on a trail nearby that I’m sure is lovely in the spring, but in the winter, it is pretty clear that the trail is mostly a cover for a sewage pipe that runs the length of the creek. While it was nice to be out an stretching our legs it wasn’t the most picturesque winter stroll. But we went to Sweetfrog after, and that was a nice treat. My favorite Sweetfrog combination is: plain yogurt, mochi, fresh fruit.

    Thursday night I had a super title gig. The featured singer was someone I had worked with before so that was fun to hear her sing. I’m always unsure if singers I work with remember me because I feel like a lot of my job is to be in the background, but this singer gave me a huge hug and was really happy to see me, so that was nice. It was a lovely program, the theme of which was “nomads” so a lot of the pieces had some kind of mystic/Orient flavor to them. Beautiful music, but also some of the translations/texts were definitely a little cringey in how they exoticize women of eastern cultures.

    World cup + Laundry. A good combination.

    Random thoughts on watching the World Cup. I wouldn’t call myself a sports fan, but I am a “big event” fan, and the World Cup certainly is that. Despite playing soccer for much of my youth, I am definitely not up on any of the soccer language or subtleties. I don’t have a favorite team and usually root for the underdog. This week, I watched most of the quarter final games and it was harrowing. Talk about underdog stories. What I’ve discovered about me and soccer:
    – Seeing athletes cry gets me every time. Not in an “they shouldn’t be crying” kind of way, but more like a “That’s so sad” kind of way. Disappointment is I think the one emotion that I find the saddest.
    -Athletes are really good looking. There’s youth on their side, of course. But they all have a certain glow about them. Maybe it’s that light of determination in their eyes, or the glint of optimism. Maybe it’s just sweat. Anyhow. Gah. I feel so agist to have said it, but I do feel like I spend a good amount of my soccer viewing time just marveling at how beautiful these players are.
    -Soccer is a game of instants. It’s not a million instants like basketball or glacial instants like baseball or football. It’s fast but sometimes it takes a while to score so you have to stay glued to the set, or you will miss a goal. After missing one goal by going to the bathroom, I did not move off the couch again while play was still going on. And when a team does score, it’s always breath taking. Every single goal was deemed beautiful and amazing and perfect by the commentators.
    -Watching soccer is really stressful for me! Especially having to decide the game in penalty shoot out. Soccer is such a team sport, and the penalty shoot out- where it’s down to two people – just seems the wrong way to decide things. It’s nail-biting and I hate nail-biting.

    Grateful for this week:
    – That my friend decided to throw herself a birthday gathering and I got to see some friends that I’d fallen out of touch with. It was so nice to see everyone.
    -Hulu. Or rather being able to afford Hulu so I can watch the World Cup.
    – The Husband for putting the kids to bed while I worked in the evenings.
    – my food mill. I had bought at bushel of seconds at the farm stand at the five year old’s request for apple sauce. The Husband bought a food mill for me for Christmas one year when the ten year old was a baby and I wanted to make my own baby food. These days I only use it to make apple sauce, but oh how easy it is to make apple sauce with it. All I have to do is remove the stemps, quarter the apples, cook them down with about 1/2 cup water until they are soft, then run them through the mill. No peeling or coring.

    Half of the bushel left after the first batch of apple sauce made.

    Looking Forward to:
    -Tuba Christmas! I really hope we can get tickets. This year they have a system where you can reserve your free tickets, which is different from in the past when you just showed up and tickets were just handed out. (We did this last night and it was awesome.)
    -The ten year old’s school choral concert.
    – Christmas baking. I’m starting to work on my list.
    -World Cup semi-finals and finals.

    And then Christmas is in less than two weeks. Eeep! Gotta to start thinking about what we are going to have for Christmas Dinner – I think it will be ham. And then finish with the Christmas shopping – I have the list, just need to buy everything, and also gifts for teachers. And do festive things and do cozy things.

    What We Ate: Pretty much everything we ate came from Jenny Rosenstrach’s The Weekday Vegetarians. I didn’t think I would like this cook book a lot, but it’s proven to have some rock solid easy recipes.

    Saturday: I went out to celebrate a friends’ birthday and I probably ate five plates of truffle fries.

    Sunday: Cheese and cracker and snack dinner as we tried to put lights on the tree.

    Monday: Quinoa and Roasted veggie salad. This was really tasty. The roasted veggies were carrots, cabbage, and beets.

    Tuesday: Pinto Bean bowls. Pinto beans eaten over rice, topped with avocado, pickled onions, pickled jalapenos, sour cream, radishes.

    Wednesday: Charred broccoli and tofu with spicy peanut sauce. Eaten over egg noodles. Simple and really tasty.

    Thursday: I was working and got a grain bowl from Beefsteak, a vegetable heavy restaurant. I made up my own bowl combination today and liked it so much, I took a picture of the recipt so I could order it again.
    For the record, it was: Quinoa, butter poached sweet potatoes, cooked cabbage, steamed kale, edamame, sauteed mushrooms, scallions, kimchi, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, toasted seaweed, miso dressing and garlic yogurt sauce.

    Friday: Pizza (take out) and the Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special – which was hilarious and festive and touching.

    A Cute Kid Sayings and Three Haikus

    Tree Trimming

    We put up our Christmas tree this week, something that takes several days to complete. We get the tree one day. Then the lights go on, often when the tree comes home, but sometimes not. Then the ornaments go on. Then a few days later we remember to put the ornaments from our wedding on.

    Most of our ornaments come from the Husband’s family. My late mother-in-law loved Christmas ornaments, and the Husband and his sister would get a new ornament every year. When my in laws passed away, we inherited all the ornaments, mostly because his sister lived abroad and it would have been difficult to get the ornaments to her. We have two large bins of ornaments and they run the gamut from classic balls to Romulan War Ships that light up.

    The process has not been with not without its casualties. The baby managed to break at least three ornaments so far. I hate that the breakage happens, but I suppose banning kids from tree trimming is not an option.

    The morning after we hung ornaments, the five year old said to me:
    “Decorating the Christmas tree is an activity for everyone, not just grown ups. That’s why the Christmas tree has high branches and low branches!”

    I love his five year old brain.

    Three Haikus from This Cold week:

    Waiting for the bus
    4pm. Winter dusk brings
    Moonrise and pink skies.

    “Can you touch the sky?”
    He asks of the bare tree limbs
    Poking at the clouds.

    Drafty door, splinters.
    It’s a little bit broken,
    Pieces we call home.

    Books Read – November 2022

    A surprisingly full reading month. Some good, some not so good.

    Dava Shashtri’s Last Day by Kirthana Samisetti – I felt pretty “meh” about this book. The novel is about a very wealthy lady, the self-made Dava Shashtri, who arranges for all her children to come home so that she can spend her last days with them. Secrets come out, families get redefined. I think the main thing I didn’t love about this novel was that I felt like that a lot of the storytelling was kind of … lazy. Throughout the novel diary excerpts, letters (unsent), newspaper articles, etc. were used to tell the reader what the characters were like, and while I love a good epistolary novel (Where’d You Go Bernadette did this so well), in this book these narrative devices just seemed a somewhat contrived and forced way to do some character development. Also … I know everyone has a story, but I think these days I don’t have as much patience for stories about rich people problems.

    Shit, Actually by Lindy West – okay, this book was hilarious. Each chapter is devoted to one movie which West recaps while pointing out the sheer ridiculousness of the movie. Some of the chapters were so funny that I read them aloud to the Husband. West points out the sexism, agesim, racism, all the problematic -isms that were (are) pervasive in Hollywood, often to hilarous effect. The title of the book refers to Love, Actually – which I love, but yes, it has some really cringe-y things going on in it.

    The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan- This book was really well written and crafted, but it made me so angry. Which, I think, was kind of the point. The novel tells the story about Frida, who leaves her two year old alone at home for a few hours and is sent by the court to a facility that is basically mom rehab. It’s a little dystopian/ Handmaid’s Tale in the way that the women at the facility have no rights and must buy into this very rigid idea of what makes a good mother. Ironically, I was reading Sibling Rivalry at the same time and some of the language that the educators at the facility use is very similar to language in Sibling Rivalry, except in the concept of “mom school”, the words sound like some kind of military state mantra, and for a split second made me question my own faith in parenting books. Anyhow, everyone is miserable, the women are powerless, motherhood is skewered, and fathers get off easy in this novel. I can’t say I enjoyed it but it was certainly powerful and I really understood the way that the mothers in the book were all being judged and expected to hold motherhood as some impossibly high standard. “Unrelenting misery, finely written” is what I wrote in my notes. Some quotes that hit close to home:
    “My ex-husband said my custody might be suspended. is that true?”
    “Yes, the child will remain in her father’s care.”
    “But it won’t ever happen again. Gust knows that.”
    “Ms. Liu, this was an emergency removal because of imminent danger. You left your daughter unsupervised.”
    Frida fushes. She always feels like she’s fucking up, but now there’s evidence.

    The mothers at the school are instructed in how to hug their children:
    They shouldn’t hold for more than three beats. Sometimes five or six beats is permissible if the child is injured or has experienced verbal, emotion, or physical trauma. Up to ten beats is permitted in extreme situations. Longer than that will hinder the child’s burgeoning independence.
    When I first had my kid, I always wondered what the right thing to do was, even for the intangible….this pretty much sums up some of my internal monologue.

    Frida is exhuasted from crouching and squatting and chasing and listening and giving and trying to channel frustration into love.
    Yup… every day.

    Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlich – Speaking of which…. I thought this book had some really good concrete ideas for how not to create contentious sibling relations. Which is not to say that kids won’t fight… just that parents can minimize their own role in their children’s antagonism. So many useful things in this book, the big idea is that when we listen to our kids and make them feel heard, they will be less likely to feel resentful of their siblings. A few of my specific takeaways:
    – Don’t compare your children. This seems obvious, but I think there are subtle ways of comparing that I didn’t realize I was doing until I read this book. Specifically doling out praise – rather than praise inherent qualities in children, praise actions. Which I know is oft given parenting advice, but I’d never thought of it in context of siblings. When you praise actions, then siblings may be less prone to jealousy because actions can be emulated in ways that characteristics may not be. So a kid isn’t thinking, “Oh I’m not smart like my brother.” rather they think, “Oh my brother studies after school. That’s a good habit. I’ll try that too.”
    – When kids fight, address the injured party, not the aggressor. So rather than, “Don’t hit your sister!” you say to the sister, “Oh does your hand hurt? Let’s get it some ice.” Then you show that your attention is on the injury not the action.
    – Encourage kids to work things out on their own. Their steps: Narrate the conflict (“It looks like you both want to play with the train.) then let the kids figure it out (“I’m taking the train away until you guys can come to an agreement on how to play with it without fighting.”) I’ve actually tried this several times and it seems to work a lot of the time. I think in the past, I’ve stopped at just taking the toy away, but that extra step of actually telling them to work it out seems to really encourage them to talk to each other rather than sulking in separate rooms.
    -In Family meetings avoid deciding things by vote because voting can leave someone feeling as if their opinions don’t matter. Have each person state their case, then state the family values you want the decision to follow. If you do vote, acknowledge the disappointment.

    Tiny Habits by B.J. Fogg – I wrote little bit about this book in my last post when I was contemplating my morning routine. Fogg studies behavior science at Stanford, and his book is very organized- he lays out this step by step method he has developed to help cement little habits, with the idea that little habits become big developments or advances. I will say, I think the book is a bit of overkill for learning his method. I mostly read the book because I had heard him on an episode of Life Kit and was intrigued by his ideas, but I think I had expected the book to be more about the science and psychology of cementing habits, but there wasn’t a whole lot of that kind of backing. I don’t think one needs to read his book to incorporate his ideas into one’s life. I did like the lists he had at the back of the book of various examples of simple ways to incorporate tiny habits and prompts into one’s life. Also in the back of the book he has a fun list of ways to celebrate tiny habits – his method is pretty much: brainstorm tiny habits that would fix a problem/ pick one tiny habit and find a prompt for it/ link tiny habit to prompt/ celebrate tiny habit to cement it. One of my favorite is “Look for something yellow.”

    My Lady Jane by Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows, read by Katherine Kellgren – I loved this book, a take on the story of Lady Jane Grey, the nine day queen. Funny, sassy, sweet, smart, this book made me laugh out loud so many times. I’ve always thought Lady Jane Grey’s story was so so sad. I mean, she was basically a 16 year old pawn who lost her life in the deadly games of the court power. I couldn’t see how the authors could give her a happy ending, but they did. There might be a little imaginative bending of historical truths, but I highly approve. Also the audiobook narrator has this deliciously dry tone that made the listening experience a delight. I hear the second book in the series is My Plain Jane, based on Jane Eyre and I’m already planning to read that in January.

    Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzales – There was so much I liked about this book, about a wedding planner to the elite living in the Bronx and her politician brother. The writing was great, the characters complex yet understandable, the book tackles themes of racism, classicism and the American Dream in a really sharp and observant way, and the plotting was swift and kept me interested. The book also made me realize how little I know about Puerto Rico, despite it being part of the United States. The two main characters are of Puerto Rican heritage and their complex relationship with the island is one of the main plot points of the book. The book also reminded me a little of The Dutch House in the way that characters in both books have to grapple with saintly absent mothers. I will say, that there was one bit towards the end that kind of just put me off to the book – it was just a plot point, an important plot point, but one that I wish had been handled differently. All in all, though, I thought it was a good read. Some passages I highlighted:

    –Olga began to notice that her clients were growing steadily richer while people doing the work were getting compensated in exactly the same way. Even the rich people appeared less content than before. Simply existing seemed an immense burden to them. Their wealth bought them homes that were “exhausting” to deal with, vacations that were “overwhelming” to plan for.

    – In the aftermath of the Spice It Up debacle, Olga realized that she’d allowed herself to become distracted from the true American dream – accumulating money – by its phantom cousin, accumulating fame. She would never made that mistake again.

    In Olga’s heart there was a pin-sized hole of infinite depth that made every day slightly more painful than it needed to be. She thought of it, this hole, as a birth defect. The space where, in a normal heart, a mother’s love was meant to be.
    I thought that was just some really beautiful writing.