anticipation – Page 6 – Life Off Headset

Weekly recap + what we ate: Attention

I had to work both Saturday and Sunday last week, but Sunday was the supertitle gig, so it did actually feel like a break from my opera job. And running titles is fun because I get to enjoy the music and run the titles projections and I don’t have to talk to anyone. When I’m stage managing sometimes it feels like there is someone constantly talking to me. One fun thing that I did Sunday morning before going to work was take the eleven year old on a run. She usually has a swim clinic on Sundays, but lately has been reluctant to go, so I offered that we could go for a run instead. (I was partially inspired by Coco for this idea; I always love reading about how she runs with her children.) We went to the track at the middle school and ran laps and then did a few passes up and down the stairs while listening to Against the Odds. We didn’t go very far or very fast, but at least we kept moving.

Monday was President’s Day, and the kids were off school. I was working, so the Husband took the kids down to the Mall to visit the Natural History Museum. This seems to be the Husband’s routine on no school days with the kids – he takes the on the Metro downtown to see a museum. I have to say I’m quite jealous because I have yet to go to any museums this year and I told myself I would make a point to visit the more frequently. It just seems like all the free museums are a perk of living in the DC area and I don’t take advantage of it enough.

The highlight of the week was definitely going to the theatre to see Into the Woods. The day was unseasonable warm – almost 80 degrees and sunny. I attempted to go on a run during my lunch break, but I was not dressed for such weather – I made it about ten minutes then got really hot, and went back to the office. I did go for a walk earlier that day, so the weather was enjoyed and savored. After work, my friend picked me up and we headed down to the theatre, stopping to pick up food on the way from Flower Child, a new to me restaurant chain that is purports to be healthy. I had a tofu plate with curry cauliflower and yuzu brussel sprouts and it was pretty tasty. The weather was so warm that we could sit on the back terrace of the theatre to eat.

The show itself was wonderful. I laughed so hard throughout and then I almost cried at the end. I first heard Into the Woods in high school – I think I saw the telecast of the original Broadway cast on PBS or we rented the video or something. The orchestra was onstage in this version, and it made me really appreciate the music a lot more – especially the strings and the very busy percussionist who did a lot of the sound effects. I sort of regret not bringing my 11 year old, but she went to see it later on with the Husband, so I think it’s okay. Some more of my favorite moments:
– Cole Thompson as Jack singing “Giants in the Sky”. It’s my favorite song in the whole show.
– The amazing puppet work and the very hilariously meta way that Kennedy Kenagawa the puppeteer/actor that played Milky White the cow was integrated into the action. There was no pretending that we couldn’t see the man behind the curtain.
-The scene change when everyone goes into the woods and birch trees come floating down from above. I know the mechanics about how things fly in – often I’m watching it from the side of the stage, making sure no one is standing in the way of things flying in. To see it happen from the audience point of view- I am reminded how magical these simple theatre maneuvers are. How, with a bit of man power and proper riggings, something very simple – attaching scenic elements to a pipe and slowly lowering them to the ground along with a change in lighting- can bring about stunning transformations.
-At the end of intermission, a voice announced that for the remainder of the show, the role of the Baker would be played by his understudy. Said understudy was playing Rapunzel’s Prince, and so the role of Rapunzel’s Prince would be played by his understudy. (I had seen the Baker limping at the end of the first act, but I thought he was acting. I guess not?) What excitement and frenetic arrangements must have been taking place backstage while I was enjoying some fresh air at intermission! Okay, the best part was when it came time for the scene in Act Two where Rapunzel’s Prince and Cinderella’s Prince enter for their second duet – the two men entered, greeted each other, as in the script, then Cinderella’s Prince says totally deadpan, “Brother, you look different.” Brought. Down. The. House. I laughed so hard. I love it when actors can riff with ease like that.
– One thing that I really appreciated about the show was that it wasn’t too loud. I often find that when I go see musicals, everything is so loud that it is distracting. I don’t know if it was because the orchestra was onstage, but I found that the levels for the performers was perfect – I could hear them and they didn’t seem overamplified.

Bad Moment/Good Moments: Getting the kids to clean up after dinner (or really clean up in general) is still proving to be a struggle. There was definitely some yelling this week. There was one day when dinner was super loose because the Husband was trying to make it to Ash Wednesday service, so he ate first, but then when he left for church all the kids left the table and disappeared. It made me so angry to have no one answer when I called them back to the table, and then to have to clean the kitchen by myself. I just want my kids to be helpful! I yelled and then went outside and stood in the driveway in the cold air for a while. What awful roommates they are.

But then there are days when they just dance by themselves in the kitchen, and it just makes me smile to see them bopping away on their own:

Podcast listen of the week: This episode about how to manage your attentions span from The Art of Manliness (I find the title “The Art of Manliness” really cringe-y, but they do cover a wide array of fascinating things.) The guest on the program, Dr. Gloria Mark is a professor who studies attention span, and actually wrote a book called Attention Span: A Groundbreaking Way to Restore Balance, Happiness and Productivity. Ironically, it took me over a week to get through this podcast as I kept getting distracted. The discussion (which there is a transcript at the link) discussed how attention span seems to be shrinking, whether or not technology and media has contributed to this shrinking attention span or is merely a reflection of it, how your personality type reflects your attention span, and why multi-tasking makes us inefficient. As someone who often finds it hard to sit and focus for long periods of time, I really connected with a couple of points:
– Dr. Mark talks about how task switching really can torpedo attention span and points out how even when one is concentrating on doing one thing, there is a significant amount of task switching within that thing. They use the example of planning a trip – even when doing that one thing, it’s comprised on many small tasks – checking tickets, switching over to checking calendars, the logging into your bank account, etc. So there is a huge potential to get distracted and fatigued from task switching. I think this is why consciously breaking down large projects into smaller portions is a good tactic.
-I had mentioned in a previous post about the morningness-eveningness quiz which helps determine an ideal bedtime and you”morningness/eveningness” type. I had first heard about the quiz from The Art of Manliness site before the podcast was released and it was interesting to hear them talk about how to use the quiz results in context of attention span. One of Dr. Mark’s main ideas is that we can get a handle on our attention span by acting with more agency and deliberately planning our day to when we are the most alert – not groundbreaking advice by any means, but I had never thought to really try to find out when my most alert times of day were. I realized that I haven’t been maximizing my morning-evening type lately, and as a result I’ve had some pretty inefficient days at work. I’ve had a few days with a very light rehearsal schedule, and I usually run in the mornings because the trail is near the bus stop so it makes sense to do the school bus run then hit the trail. But then I don’t get to work until noon or 1pm and then I find it hard to concentrate. Given that the quiz seems to indicate that I’m an intermediate/morning type, I think it might make more sense to go to work after the school bus drop off and then have my run later in the afternoon when I find myself getting more distracted. I’m going to try to implement that whenever possible and see if I find it easier to focus and plough through stuff by getting to work earlier.
-My favorite point – They talk about how distraction is not necessarily a bad thing because studies have shown that giving yourself positive brain breaks actually can replenish your cognitive resources. This got me thinking of positive brain breaks I can take. And some of the things I came up with:
> doing a downward dog and some light stretching
> reading the list I keep of funny things my kids say/ looking at cute kid pictures
>have a chat about non-work things with my colleagues. No complaining allowed.
> go for a walk outside and savor nature.
> do some leisure reading
> have a tasty snack or some water
> do something creative like doodle a random art prompt, or write a haiku
> Say thank you or compliment someone.
> Do a puzzle or a brain game.
What I want to avoid, when I need a positive brain break is scrolling on my phone or taking on a lot of negative energy or emotion from someone else. I’m not on social media because I found it mentally and emotionally draining, but there are still lots of other websites and forums which I don’t feel recharged after visiting. So I like the idea of having alternatives to my phone when I find myself unable to focus. This actually ties to something I did last month. I created a screen on my phone of “positive activities.” I had heard the idea on a podcast of creating a folder on your phone for social media alternatives so that when you feel the urge to aimlessly scroll, you can go to that folder instead. I did a variation on this, and put certain apps that I feel positive about on one screen, so when I idly pick up my screen for a little break, I tell myself to check out those activities first. It doesn’t work all the time, but many times, it does keep me from internet rabbit holes.

My positive apps: photos; weather; Smiling Mind (meditation, mostly I use for the kids); Libby and Hoopla for library books; Duolingo to practice my Mandarin; Runkeeper; Podcasts; Notes for random thoughts and haikus; Wordle – did you know you can set any website to be an icon “app”? I think this is genius because now I can go directly to Wordle rather than getting distracted by other sites when I open my browser. I’m contemplating adding Spotify or a music app or Audible to my “positive break” page. But then I would cover up the Husband’s face even more and we can’t have that.

Grateful For:
– Windows in the rehearsal hall. I’ve worked in many a company where we rehearse in a windowless bunker – cafeterias, basements, church auditoriums… You go in in the morning and emerge blinking into the light at midday and then back in after lunch then at the end of the day come out to the dark of night; it is always a little disorienting. The rehearsal room I’m working in now has huge floor to ceiling windows . I love how the windows let in the sunlight and I can see the progress of the day outside. Our windows face west, and some days I can watch the sun set and see the pink and orange skies – it is a lovely positive brain break during long rehearsal days.
– That I sometimes get staff discounts for performance tickets. It’s a definitely perk of where I work. I will be the first to admit that going to a live performance is expensive; I am so grateful for people who come to see shows and help pay my salary. At the same time, I know I would very rarely prioritize paying full price for a live performance unless it were something very special. So having access to a discounted ticket here and there from work makes me feel so lucky.
– Drop off birthday parties and the parents who throw them. The six year old is at an age now where he is invited to drop off parties. I don’t mind terribly having to make awkward small talk with other parents, but when I’m working and there is only one parent at home and three children to watch, being able to drop a child off at a party is a gift. I picked the six year old up from a party and I literally said to the birthday child’s parent, “Thank you for having a drop off party!”

Looking forward To:
– A morning walking date with my work bestie on our day off on Thursday. I see her almost every day at work, but it’ll be nice to have some time to talk about non-work stuff.
– Cooking from Cookbooks. I put a bunch of cookbooks on hold at the library recently and they all came in at the same time. In retrospect, the week I start rehearsal is hardly an ideal time to dive into new recipes. I’ve leafed through them for some of the simpler ideas to use these next few weeks, and I’m planning on cooking from one of them on my day off – probably a soup so I’ll have easy leftovers. I’m really looking forward to cooking from them once the show opens. I love reading cookbooks, and one of them is part memoir, part cookbook which I’ve been reading during breakfast and it’s been lovely.
-Tech week! Coming up. I’m excited to get this show to Opening Night. I’ve started stocking up on all my favorite snacks.

What We Ate:

Saturday: Pizza (Husband made) and Star Wars. I have to admit that I fell asleep during this movie. I had had a couple late nights and Star Wars is a great movie, but I just couldn’t keep my eyes open.

Sunday: Chipotle. The 11 year old’s choice to celebrate an improved report card.

Monday: Stir Fried Garlic Green Beans, Roasted Potatoes and Mac n Cheese. The Husband cooked – it was a bit of a fridge clean out kind of smorgasbord.

Tuesday: Black Bean Soup from Hetty McKinnon’s Family: New Vegetable Classics to Comfort and Nourish. Since I was making this in the morning so the family could eat it that evening, I adapted her recipe for the Instant Pot, using dried beans instead of canned. Vegan.

Wednesday: Breakfast for dinner – waffles and eggs and breakfast tacos. This was one of those days which we didn’t meal plan something and then the afternoon got busy and at 4:30pm, the Husband asked, “What should I make for dinner?” I initially suggested pancake because we had some Kodiak pancake mix, and when I got home he had the waffle maker out.

Thursday: Butter Chicken and rice, using the leftover butter chicken sauce from last week.

Friday: Tortellini with red sauce. Our usual Friday night quick dinner before the 11 year old’s basketball.

Weekly recap + what we ate: kind of a slog

Last weekend’s highlight was the Chuck E. Cheese Party. So overwhelming, but lots of fun was had. I think if I had to do it again, I would skip the party package and just take a bunch of kids on our own. One of the main features of the party package is the Chuck E. Cheese show, featuring a highly energetic birthday video and a person in a Chuck E. Cheese costume – both of which I think the six year old found bewildering. The whole thing was rather loud and frenetic, on top of the already loud and frenetic video games. Also Chuck E Cheese is an explosion of choice – so many games to play, and then at the end when you redeem your “point” for “prizes”. Part of the party package gives the birthday kid an extra 2000 points, which greatly increases the prizes you can cash in for. Most kids only managed to win enough points to get a plastic ring and a dum dum. The six year old had so many more options – none of them life-changing, though I kind of wanted him to bring home the light up gyro wheel. I think he spent twenty minutes starting at the prizes and came home with one of those sticky spiders you throw at the wall and watch them slowly climb down. Standing with your child at the Chuck E. Cheese prize counter is an excellent exercise in restraining parental judgement. At least for me.

This week following felt very full and kind of a slog. In that ordinary life is kind of a slog kind of way. The Husband was at an in town conference for two days. He still came home at night, but because of conference events he didn’t arrive home until after bedtime, so I felt on my own with the kids two nights in a row. Three if you count the night the Husband took the oldest to basketball practice and I had the two littles. Luckily they were the two days that there were no activities, so we could just be at home. I always feel bad complaining about how challenging I find solo parenting in the evenings because when I’m working, the Husband solo parents almost every night. He does six week stretches with lots of solo parenting evenings, so I should be able to handle two nights.

I think the most exhausting thing about being solo alone with the kids is the kitchen clean up. We clean up as a family after dinner, but when the kids are being reluctant about it, it adds a whole other level of emotional energy to cajole and supervise them. Some days I think it would just be easier if I cleaned it myself after bedtime. At least then I could watch tv or listen to a podcast while I do it. But I do want the kids to take ownership in the upkeep of their home. I remember when I was in high school, after dinner my parents would go out for a walk and it was expected that my brother and I clean up after dinner. He and I had this system where one person did the dishes and the other person did everything else because the dishes were such an onerous chore. I know I need to recognize that my kids are a long way from high school, so I can’t expect them to clean up after dinner by themselves, but there is a part of my brain that thinks, “C’mon, kids! You’ve been here for years. Why aren’t you more independently helpful?”

In addition, the two little haven’t been sleeping well. The six year old would wake up screaming. The baby would come to my room and tell me her big brother was screaming, then refuse to go back to bed. I think the Husband was in the baby’s bed at one point. There was bed musical chairs going on. Find an empty sleeping space and use that. One night the only thing that would calm the six year old down was sleeping in a chair in the living room while listening to his bedtime playlist, while I slept on the couch next to him. Every so often, he would wake up yelling that one song or another wasn’t supposed to be on the playlist and I’d have to get off the couch and delete it.

(Sidenote annoyance – the free version of Amazon Music has changed its format so that you can’t just play your playlists anymore; they mix up the songs on your playlists and insert other things they (or rather their algorithm) think you might be interested in. The reasoning is they’ve made all their music library available so there is more music available, but fewer options for how to listen to it, I guess. I was fine with a limited music collection that I could play as I wanted. Luckily I haven’t updated the Amazon Music app on my iPad so I can still play the bedtime playlist in the right order, but I’m annoyed at the conspicuous money grab to try to get people to sign up for a more expensive service. I get that nothing is free, but man it’s annoying. I should just pay for a music streaming service, I guess. I wonder if I can write it off on my taxes then? Because often when I need to listen to a specific thing it’s for work.)

Anyhow, I actually quite enjoy the bedtime playlist, so at least it was nice to listen to the tunes. The Current Bedtime Playlist:
Put on Your Sunday Clothes (from Hello Dolly! the recent Broadway version)
Octopus’s Garden by the Beatles
Put on Your Sunday Clothes (from Hello Dolly! the movie version)
Rocket Ship Run by Laurie Berkner
More I Cannot Wish You (from Guys and Dolls, sung by Betty Buckley)
Dear Theodosia from Hamilton
We’re Going to be Friends by The White Stripes
Waving Through the Window from Dear Evan Hanson
A Million Dreams from The Greatest Showman
For Forever from Dear Evan Hansen
It’s Quiet Uptown from Hamilton

This last song was the source of much consternation because it was “too sad.” (He’s not wrong.) So I was instructed to take it off the playlist. But then on the next pass through, there were tears when it didn’t play. So now Quiet Uptown is back on the bedtime playlist.

Songs I had to remove from the playlist, having caused a crying fit in the post-midnight hours:
At Last I see the Light from Tangled (why?!? I thought he loved that song!)
Try to Remember from the Fantasticks (I like this song. I thought it fit in with the mix, but apparently not…)
Simple Song from Leonard Bernstein’s Mass (this was was a stretch anyway… I love the piece and thought I could just slip it in. Nope)

Okay, it wasn’t all a slog, though. I got to go running a few times, after taking the whole week before off because I was stuck at home with a sick kid. I baked more bread. I got some walks in. I started a new show. Twice I went out for lunch with friends and both times the food was amazing. One time was to a taco place, and they had these really good mushroom tacos. The second time was to a Chinese restaurant and I ordered off the dim sum menu and got turnip cakes and shrimp chang fen and sticky rice in bamboo leaves, salty spicy tofu and Chinese broccoli in oyster sauce. It was so delicious. I don’t always love going out to eat, but these two places were definitely worth it.

One fun thing: On Friday, the six year old’s class was asked to dress up as what they wanted to be when they grew up. Six year old wanted to be a builder. I had a toy hammer for him, and we had a dress up construction hat. But come Friday morning, we couldn’t find the hat. This caused no small amount of consternation because it would have been the perfect accessory. And of course it was thirty minutes before we had to leave for school. So I asked him what else a builder would wear. And he says, “A Safety vest!” Sure. Let me just pull that out of thin air. But… I looked in his drawer and he had an old yellow t-shirt. So I got a pair of scissors and some electrical tape, and…

Instant costume. I think my favorite part is the plaid flannel shirt. He was a little resistant to wearing the plaid flannel shirt, but I googled pictures of construction workers to show him that, yes indeed, plaid flannel shirts are what builders wear.

Breakfast of the moment – Since the 11 year old got a waffle maker for Christmas – one of those gifts ostensibly for her, but really for the whole family – we will periodically have waffles for breakfast. I always make a double batch so we have waffles for breakfast the following week. They’re super easy to pop in the toaster over and reheat. My current favorite breakfast is a waffle with peanut butter, topped with banana slices and sprinkled with Everything Bagel Seasoning. Something about the combination of the sweetness of the banana along with the savory/salty bits of the sprinkle and the hardiness of peanut butter really hits the spot for breakfast. I love sweet/savory combinations. Plus it’s very portable and I can take it to work and eat it at my desk.

Interesting link: This quiz to help determine how much of a morning or evening person you are. Based on your answers to the questions, The Automated Morning-Eveningness Questionnaire then calculates your optimal bedtime plus when your body starts winding down. I thought it was pretty neat to fill out – the questions were about your current sleep/wake habits plus when during the day you feel most active. (Plus you get your results right away – not like some sites where you have to give your email address so they can email you your results … and lot of subsequent spam.) Turns out I am a pretty middle of the road person in terms of when I am the most alert, and my recommended bedtime is 11:30pm with at 9pm winddown.

Grateful for this week:
– Longer hours of daylight. This week was the first time I really noticed that there have been more and more hours of daylight. The sun is up when we drive to 7:15am piano lessons and there was still enough sunlight after school that I could take the kids to the park after school.
– My coworkers. I know I say this a lot, but I feel so grateful for the stage management team I work with. They are all so thoughtful and competent and they always make me laugh. I’ve worked places where the team dynamic isn’t great, bordering on toxic, and that is absolutely not the case at my current job. I don’t always love being the lead stage manager on a show, and having solid assistants makes it a much better experience.
– Leftovers. I sometimes complain that no one else eats leftovers at our house, as if it is some burden to eat the leftovers. Truthfully, the eleven year old will eat them, and the two littles will sometimes eat them if I put it in front of them, but they are nobody’s first choice when making consumption decisions. This week, I’ve been packing leftovers for dinner and I was struck by how easy it is to have a fridge full of leftovers that I can just package up and toss into my lunch box.

Looking Forward To:
– I got news this week that my cousin is coming to visit in a few months. Hooray! I remember babysitting her when she was a toddler and now she has a real job and everything!
-Getting my haircut this week! It’s been a year since my last haircut and I’m looking forward to having it short again. I usually get it cut before I start a job, but didn’t get around to it last fall.
-Starting rehearsal. Before each show begins rehearsal, I have a week called “Prep week” to work on paperwork. It is always a nice low key way to get ready for the show to begin. The first day of prep, I’m always glad to be able to take a pre-dive into the show material. But then there’s always a point midweek when I’m tired of just thinking about the show and ready just to get into the rehearsal room with the singers and director and start putting the show up.
– Supertitle gig coming up next week. The singer is someone whom I worked with when she was barely out of grad school; I’m excited to hear how she’s grown in the past five years. I need to get those translation slides done – I had a dream last night where I showed up to the recital without the titles done and it was quite embarrassing.

What We Ate:

Saturday: Pizza (the Husband made), and Robin Hood, the Disney animated version from 1973. I remember watching this when I was a child. Truthfully, I fell asleep half way through, but the part I was awake for I thought was lovely.

Sunday: Quesadillas (for the kids) and leftovers (for the adults) and garlic green beans for everyone

Monday: Red Pepper Pasta. Only made with orange peppers. More or less this recipe from Minimalist Baker, but I use half and half instead of soy milk so it wasn’t vegan.

Tuesday: Sweet Potato Poblano Tacos from Dinner Illustrated. Vegan.

Wednesday: Pasta e Fagioli Soup. Vegan.

Thursday: Butter Chicken and cut up cucumbers. This is the internet famous InstantPot Butter Chicken recipe – it was the Husband’s request for his birthday dinner. I like the recipe because it makes extra sauce so we can have butter chicken again next week.

Friday: Take out – Fried Chicken and BBQ from Fryers Roadside Chicken.

Weekly Recap + What We Ate: Bye Week

Lincoln with Washington in the background.

It was a week off work, so I spent much of the week back in the swim of school carpool (and this week, missed buses and forgotten backpacks) and internet errands – paying bills, making purchases, etc. The weather has been so erratic. Cold, gloomy, and wet one day and then the next, clear and sunny. It’s that clear and sunny that I expect in the Spring. But it is, in fact January. Where is the snow and chill? I absolutely blame it on the fact that I bought a sled in October. And snowpants for the oldest. If I had not prepared for snow, I’m sure we would have been knee deep by now. Or maybe not, given the state of the environment. Alarmingly, I saw some hyacinths poking their blooms out in the front yard today.

So last weekend was the one and only performance of our show. Actually two performances in one night – a 7pm and a 9pm. Everything went relatively smoothly. Some glitches as were to be expected when we didn’t really get to rehearse things a lot. But I did go in early to run scene shifts with the crew, and I was pleasantly surprised that the props crew asked to run the shifts an extra time. Often the crew doesn’t want to do it more than once when things are simple. But we hadn’t really had a chance to run things at the dress rehearsal – I had to pretty much coach them through it over the headset then. So the crew took it upon themselves to want to get it right, even if it was only for two performances.

I was in my nice backstage clothes, so I didn’t run on my dinner break, but I did get a walk in and reveled in how beautiful DC looks in the evening.

Sunday was Lunar New Year. We went to Taiwanese Breakfast in the morning. We always show up right when they open. My dad was with us and the waitstaff was really excited to see him for some reason. We usually order the same thing every time we go – sweet soy milk, savory soy milk, you tiao (fried dough sticks), soy bean and mustard green salad, egg pancakes, scallion pancakes, dumplings, and dan dan noodles. This time, we ordered some new to us dishes, and there was one pork noodle dish that might make it into our regular rotation.

Clockwise from the bottom: My plate (with cucumber salad, seaweed salad, bean curd noodles), bowl of savory soy milk with you tiao, seaweed salad, bean curd salad, dan bing (egg pancake), cucumber salad, you taio, cold dish of mustard greens, bamboo shoots, and edamame, sweet soy milke.

Other moments of the week:

-Finding a Christmas Tree. The Husband likes having old Christmas trees for backyard projects, but usually the Christmas trees I see on the curb are too big for me to handle myself. So when I saw a little tree in front of a house near the school bus stop, I dragged it into the trunk of my car. I texted him this picture (along with a note that said, “Don’t say that I don’t love you.”)

-Our second child turned six this week. What?!?

He did actually have a present to open- no evening Taki run for him. The Husband had ordered him two Transformers for Christmas, but then in the deluge of holiday packages we couldn’t find one of them when we were wrapping presents, only to have the missing Transformer reappear after Christmas. Which was probably for the best because two Transformers at Christmas might have been too many to get properly played with.

Anyhow, he has a Chuck E. Cheese party scheduled for later on, so he actual birthday was a small family affair. My father was in town and got him a bomber jacket from the Air and Space Museum, which looks super cool. I made his requested dinner – Ama’s chicken wings and Broccoli. Ama is the Taiwanese form of Grandmother – the wings are my mother’s recipe. And by recipe, this is literally what she sent me:

Obviously my mother does not believe in measurements.

I also made him a chocolate bundt cake, and then we couldn’t find the candles, so he ended up with a “3”, “1” “1” and a single candle on his cake. As long as the math works out, right?

He’s Six. Not Three hundred and eleven. In case you were wondering.

-Another fun thing this week is that we got to dog sit for our friends. We had this little guy at our house for the week:

He’s a really sweet dog. Except if there are other dogs nearby. Also he’s a little stubborn and always wanted to go in a certain direction on our walks, but it was in the direction of the big busy street so I tried to avoid it. But he just wouldn’t move and proved very implacable for such a tiny dog. I had to pick him up and carry him several times on our walks. Who was walking whom here?

But indoors, he is super affectionate, almost cat-like. I had many lovely moments relaxing with a book with the little guy curled up against me, a living heating pad.

Outside a book, a dog is a man’s best friend…

-It was also quite a social week. One night the Husband and I went out to dinner with a friend, and another night another friend came to our house for dinner. When I looked at the plans for this week. For the dinner out, we went into DC and had dinner at a tapas restaurant on Capitol Hill. It was funny being down there and seeing how much that area had changed in the past fifteen years since we left DC for the suburbs. One of the first things I noticed was that there was a Little Gym and a Mathnasium there now when it used to be mostly restaurants and bars. The Husband says, it’s a sure sign of permanent change when the new business coming in are geared towards kids. We don’t go into DC very often these days, but it always strikes me how different it is from when we lived there. Also nothing makes me feel my suburban mom-ness more than a swanky city restaurant.

-I also got out my watercolours and made some art this week. One of my friends from college has a birthday coming up and I wanted to make her a birthday card. I’m super happy with how it turned out. I thought about just leaving it with the watercolour flower bursts (on left), but I went back and added the detail with the pen. I’m on the fence as to which I prefer – on the one hand I love how you can see all the nuances and shades or colour without the pen, but I also love how articulate the version with the pen detail is, and how it made the flowers really pop. Which version do you prefer?

Read of the Week: This essay in The Cut about Monterey Park, where there was a(nother) mass shooting on Lunar New Year. Monterey Park is a predominantly Asisan suburb, a couple cities over from where I grew up, but it was very much part of the fabric of my teen years as the child of immigrant parents. My uncle’s medical practice is in Monterey Park, and is, in fact, only a few blocks from the shooting. This article beautifully articulates the importance of these immigrant enclaves. I have no words for the state of gun violence in America, just a lot of sadness for victims and, yes, for perpetrators.

Podcast Listen of the Week: I listened to this episode of the Happiness Lab entitled “Stop Looking for the Perfect Job” while out on my walk one morning. It coincidentally came the day after I had a conversation with someone at work about next season. Long and short of it was, they said they were contemplating offering me a large show to stage manage, and I told them that I didn’t feel like I was at a place right now where I wanted to stage manage something of that size and potential complexity. I would be happy to assist on the show, but I didn’t want to be the one calling it. Afterwards, I got off the phone, I sort of wrestled with whether or not that was the right thing to have said. I don’t want to come across as being unwilling to accept challenging work or peg myself as someone who only wants to do easy shows. I actually love working on a big new production with a huge cast. But at the same time, I know that taking on something that I’m not 100% sure I can handle will certainly make me stressed out and miserable. And lord knows, if I want to be stressed out and miserable, I can certainly do it for more money that I’m making right now. I wouldn’t say I’m unambitious, and I know there is a saying to “Do what scares you” – even still, I think “what scares you” should also be “what excites you.” I think in a few years I’ll be happy to take on such a project as I was offered, but I want to climb that ladder slowly.

Which is all to say – the above episode of The Happiness Lab came at a perfect time for me because I was seriously questioning the merits of being unambitious professionally. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about work ambition this past year, lots of feelings of jealousy when I see people with sky rocketing careers. This episode reminded me that work doesn’t have to be my defining aspiration. In the podcast they quote Esther Perel as saying, “Too many of us bring the best of ourselves to work, and bring the leftovers home.” I’ve definitely been guilty of this, and I want to mindfully avoid it as much as possible.

Mysterious Question of the Week: Where do all the hair ties go? Both the girls have long hair. I also have ponytail length hair these days too. Usually I keep my hair short with a pixie or a bob, but I find myself less motivated to cut my hair when I’m not working. Anyhow… that makes three ponytail wearing people in the house. I feel as if I’m constantly buying hair ties. Where do they all go?!?!?! In the morning, the girls go off to school with hair in ponytails. When they come home, there may or may not still be a ponytail. But inevitably, the next morning when it’s ponytail time … I can’t find any hair ties. I feel like I’m buying hair ties at least once a month. Also … the three year old will only wear thick colourful hair ties, despite her having the thinnest wispiest baby hair. At this rate, I feel like I should just hit the Amazon Subscribe and Save for hair ties.

Grateful For This Week:
-That my dad was able to visit for two weeks. He went home this week and I’m always a little sad when he leaves. He tends to visit while I’m working so I never feel like I have enough time with him. Even though there is something about me that from time to time resorts to being a moody teenager when I’m with my parents, I am always grateful that they come and are active and involved and self-sufficient.
-Good coaches. I’m really grateful for Coach Rob, who volunteers as the coach for the 11 year old’s rec basketball team. Every game, I see him really encouraging the players and making sure they have fun. I’m just really glad that there are people encouraging my kid to do well. On that note, received news this week that the summer swim team coach at our pool will not be returning. This news hit me harder than I thought it would. He had been such a positive coach last summer – encouraging the swimmers to be good swimmers and good teammates. I’m so super bummed that he won’t be back. Good coaches are hard to come by and I’m grateful for those who have the knowledge and the skill.
-Running Lights. I had mentioned in my Christmas post that the Husband bought be a plethora of lights to clip to myself when running in the dark. I don’t really have any intention of running after sundown, but I love the gesture. (I did wear one of the wrist bands when running the hour before sundown, though.) Anyhow, sometimes if we have time between dinner and bedtime, and the 11 year old is at basketball, I’ll take the two little kids on an evening walk. This time of year, though, it is dark by then so we’ll go on a flashlight walk. This week, I had the brilliant idea to give each kid a running light for our walk, and they loved it! Even the dog got one. It make the walk much more fun.

Looking Forward To:
– Lunch plans mid-week with moms from my mom group.
– Another bye week from work. I have grand plans to work on some house decluttering. I think I’m going to pick one area to work on each day: 1) the ~~pile~~ mountain of outgrown clothes in the guestroom, 2) my sewing corner in the guestroom, 3) the collection of random boxes in my bedroom, 4) the linen closet, 5) label the spice cabinet. Now that I’ve typed it out, it seems awfully ambitious.
-Turning the calendar page to February. Whoa, the end of the month has really snuck up on me. But here we are, a few days from February. Another chance to plot and plan and think of how to bring my best self home.

What We Ate:

Saturday: I worked, and packed leftovers. The rest of the family had pizza and wings and it was someone’s movie night, but I’m not sure what they watched. Oh wait – they watched Avatar. The first one.

Sunday: Lunar New Year. I made a rice cake stir fry and dumplings. The dumplings were bought frozen from our favorite dumpling place. The rice cake stir fry in black bean sauce recipe was from Vegetarian Chinese Soul Food. Rice cakes are a traditional New Year dish because the word for rice cake sounds like the words for “high year” so it’s auspicious. Truth to tell, I’m the only one in the family who likes rice cakes. But yay, more for me!

Monday: Ama’s chicken wings, broccoli stir fried with garlic and chocolate bundt cake. For the birthday boy.

Tuesday: Meatballs and pasta (in the InstantPot) for the kids and my dad while the Husband and I went out to dinner with a friend.

Wednesday: Pav Baji – Meera’s Sodha’s recipe from Fresh India. I describe this as Indian Sloppy Joes. It’s eggplant, onions, potatoes and cauliflower cooked in a tomatoe gravy, eaten on a buttered roll. Vegan, for those that chose not to butter their rolls. (I used coconut oil to cook the veggies) I also made this really tasty cucumber and peanut salad on this side.

Thursday: Cheesy Beans from The Weekday Vegetarian. My friend came over for dinner, and she brought a Greek Salad.

Friday: Asparagus and parsnip frittata and roasted russet and sweet potatoes. Another very satisfying clean out the fridge meal.

Weekly Recap + What we ate: Cold, Sick, and Social

I think the chill has finally come to stay. This week was cold and little rainy. I’ve started making hot chocolate for the kids to sip after school, with one big marshmallow floating in their cup. No big adventures this week, and the week was also kind of “meh” for getting things done, but there was lots of time with friends, which fills lots of my buckets too.

Monday the Husband took the day off and we took the Metro into DC to see a movie. We saw a 9:50am showing of The Woman King. There is something really fun about seeing a morning movie and being the only people in the theatre. The movie itself was entertaining, though a little more violent than I liked.

Afterwards, we had dumplings and noodles at a restaurant that we used to go to all the time when we lived in DC – they make their own noodles and if you come at the right time, you can see the chef in the window pulling, stretching, and cutting the dough – it’s actually quite neat. I had duck noodle soup. Noodle soup needs to go on my list of cozy things!

plus… all my favorite condiments – pickled garlic, scallion ginger sauce, and chili flakes in oil.

Afterwards we decided to walk the mile or so to Union Station because there is a Blue Bottle Coffee there and we can also catch the Metro home from there. Union Station is special to us because that is where the Husband proposed and where he bought my wedding ring. It’s a little sad to see that a lot of the shops have closed there – it used to have a whole level of nice shopping, but now all the storefronts are empty, including the jewelers where that wedding ring was purchased.

That afternoon, my friend invited us over so the kids could jump on their trampoline. After I picked up the five year old from the bus, I headed over. The Husband followed with the other two kids and also brought beer and made a charcuterie plate and we had happy hour from 4:30p- 5:45p. It was such a nice afternoon visit and we agreed we should do this more.

It’s been a surprisingly Social Week. Aside from impromptu happy hour, I also had a planned happy hour with some moms from my mom’s group. The temperatures were in the mid thirties, but at the bar we went to we snagged a table with a firepit so we were able to sit outside without been too uncomfortable. I didn’t realize how much warmth the fire pit threw off until we got up to leave and I was shivering all the way to the car. It was nice to catch up with friends and talk about life, work, and family.

Then Friday I went over to my friend’s house for a lunch walk and date. We went on a walk and met a very friendly cat who rubbed against us for petting and then lept to the top of a chicken coop and basked in the sun.

We found our way to one of those restaurants that are perfectly curated to look imperfect, with exposed brick, crumbling plaster and mismatched china (see above). Also a beautiful mural across the outside wall. The food was amazing, though – my friend and I split friend green tomatoes, a vegan pot pie (soooooo good! huge fluffy biscuit, smoky mushrooms, edamame, potatoes, carrots, oatmilk béchamel.) and also a chocolate terrine. I also had a Virgin Bloody Mary which was spicy and tangy and came with two olives and a cherry pepper. I don’t love going out to eat because I find the food often to be unexceptional, but I would go back to this place.

The definite low point of the week was when the two older kids were home sick. It was the kind of thing where the five year old had a fever the night before but was fine the next morning, and the ten year old threw up about an hour before she was to go to school. On the one hand, they seemed fine by the time it was actually time to go to school, but I thought I’d be cautious and keep them home. I come from a tradition of “perfect attendance” and “always go to school” so this was a bit of a mind shift for me – the thought that a day at home was okay and might actually be a good thing. I told the kids they had to stay in their rooms and rest until lunchtime at least and the ten year old got out the “sick bell”, the bell that we give sick kids so they can summon a parent if they need.

Everyone was up and restless well before noon. There might have been some scootering inside. There might have been some scootering that ran over my foot which resulted in some yelling and me locking myself in my room for twenty minutes. Then I emerged and decided that they were all well enough to go on a walk, so we went for a cold walk to the park, played for fifteen minutes and then came home. There was some tv and some hot chocolate and I felt like a better person for those indulgences. (I did make the kids watch the cartoons in French, though. I feel like I have a lot of feelings about tv and kids that I need to unpack and work through.)

Grateful for This Week:
– A friend who invites us over to bounce on their trampoline, sends me coupon codes for period underwear, and picks up groceries for me when I’m home with sick kids.
– Having good rain gear.
– The Husband cleaning the frost off my car while I sipped my tea inside. The first car frost of the year!
– The Metro so we don’t have to drive downtown.

Weekend plans and aspirations:
– Clean/ pick up/ tidy since the cleaners are coming on Monday. This will inevitably take more time than I want, but I will play music and dance and hopefully involve minimal yelling.
– Two birthday parties for the baby to attend, both outside park parties. We will bundle well.
– Dinner out with friends tonight
– Write Christmas Letter
-Meal Plan.

Looking Forward To:
– Thanksgiving? Maybe? I haven’t planned anything yet. There will be pie. Everything else I’m a little agnostic about. There has been talk about duck, which might be a fun adventure.
– Hallmark Holiday Movies! We subscribe to a hodge-podge of streaming services… mostly ones that that are “free” with something else. We also are currently subscribed to Peacock so the Husband can watch football and basketball these next few months. Anyhow I just learned that the Hallmark Holiday movies will be on Peacock. So excited!
-Parent Teacher Conference for the ten year old. She’s been so much happier at her new school so I’m excited to talk to her new teacher, who I think is fantastic.

Recipe of the Week: I made Chocolate Banana Muffins from Rise and Run by Shalane Flanagan and Elyse Kopecky who wrote Run Fast. Eat Slow. They turned out great – they were tender and not too sweet, and used oat flour and almond meal instead of regular flour, and bananas and honey instead of white sugar, so I can pretend it’s healthy. No link, but I highly recommend their cookbooks.

Something that made me think this week:
I love the website Grown and Flown because it has a lot of parenting articles for older kids. This week, there was this article “Parents Regret Doing or Not Doing these Ten Things.” Anything with the word “regret” is click-bait for me – I’m always fascinated by lessons learned and attempts to do better. On the other hand I do feel like regret in and of itself is a useless emotion because the world is so full of variables and unpredictability that one can never really say for sure if things would have been better one way or the other. At any rate, I thought there was a lot for me to ponder and digest in this article. #2 “Use Your Words Carefully” particularly hit close to home, especially this parent comment:
“Understand how vulnerable to your comments your children are and how much damage you can create while thinking that you’re just helping.”
I think this goes back to my struggle to parent without judgement. It’s not about not having opinions, but really about how those opinions are expressed. And when.

One thing that made me sad: I read last night about the passing of composer Ned Rorem. When I was in college I sang several of his songs and I’ve always loved his music. Here is one of my favorite songs to sing: “Early in the Morning”. The poem is by Robert Hillyer and tells of a young person in Paris, in love, and the song is so simple in the memory it recalls .. because when you are in Paris and in love, life can be very simple. This video features the very talented tenor Nicholas Phan. I’ve never worked with him but I’ve always loved how he sings arts songs. His rendition of this song isn’t buried in regret like some interpretations that I’ve heard.

Nicholas Phan, tenor and Kuang-Hao Huan, piano

What We Ate: I’ve gotten out of the habit of meal planning and then doing one big grocery shop, but even still I thought this was a pretty good week of dinners for having to scrounge from the pantry and fridge.

Saturday: I was at work, but I’m pretty sure people just loaded up on apps from the bowling birthday party they were at.

Sunday: Smashburgers, Shrimp, and Ricotta Toast at Landmade Brewery after our shortened hike.

Monday: Breakfast sandwiches.

Tuesday: Instant Pot White Beans with Spicy Potatoes. I just got Jenny Rosenstarch’s newest cookbook Weekday Vegetarian from the library and am excited to cook from it. The recipe said to top the beans with pesto, but I wanted this to be our vegan meal, so I made a thrifty vegan pesto with garlic, cashews, olive oil, and leftover basil, cilantro, and parsley that was kind of just wilting in the vegetable drawer. I’m always excited when I can salvage sad veggie drawer contents into something tasty.

Wednesday: Pesto pasta with marinated beans, also from Weekday Vegetarian. I had so much pesto leftover from Tuesday that this meal was easy to mix up. The marinated beans are my new favorite thing – two cans of cannellini beans marinated in red wine vinegar, olive oil, dried Italian Herb Mix (the recipe called for fresh, but I didn’t have any), and garlic. Kae wrote a post this week on a meal hack of just eating protein, and that inspired me to eat the leftover marinated beans all week for lunch the rest of the week, and it was such an easy tasty no-brainer way to eat something filling.

Thursday: I had Truffle Fries and Buffalo Cauliflower nuggets at Happy Hour. The Husband made stir fry with some chicken and bok choy that had to be used up, adding some broccoli to the mix. Bok choy is a hard sell with the little kids.

Friday: Pizza (Husband made) and movie – Men In Black, which I don’t think I’d ever seen. I remember seeing the second one – I was working summer stock theatre at an operetta company in Ohio and the set designer used to work at a movie theatre so he worked something out where the entire company went over one evening and watched Men In Black II and I remember thinking it was so decadent to be able to have the entire movie theatre to ourselves. Anyhow… Men in Black, the first one – very funny though the little kids didn’t quite know whether to be scared or not. Also – Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones of the 90s – how fun are they to watch on screen? I know they both do pretty serious dramas now, but there is such a beautiful effortless ease to their comedies.